Date: Thu, 29 Dec 2011 23:53:37 +0000 From: reece . Subject: The End? : The End? Part 1 This contains gay love and sexual acts as well as some major emotional turmoil. If such material offends you, or you are not of age in your region for this type of reading material then please leave for your own good before you get caught however if you don't heed this advice and lets face its if you are underage or in an area where this illegal I cant stop you so with that said... Any characters mentioned in this story are purely fictional as is the story any relevance is purely coincidental. Please do not copy this and post it elsewhere without asking my consent before hand. Any questions, comments, suggestions, corrections or anything else please just send me an e-mail at reece_108@live.co.uk. Please remember I am human with feelings so if you don't like what I write please `put me down gently'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The End? Part 1 Shaggy brown hair limply curled around my head as water cascaded down me. Sitting on the floor with my legs splayed to the left of me as my bright green eyes blinked away the tears and the shower spray. My pale skin in deep contrast with the red that poured from my forearms and down my shins to my knees to the drain. Washing away the pain. Washing away my life. The end. But was it. It is truly the strangest feeling to be so sure that you want to die knowing that if you pursue what you genetically are something that isn't your choice life would be hell to live in a family of devout Catholics were homosexuality is considered the epitome of evil, where my `friends' hate my type oh I know what your thinking make new friends, runaway, live with other members of your family. Well please someone tell me how can a boy of seventeen with no job, no money and not a shred of self-confidence make it in this world alone and trust me finding new friends is the least of my worries. Even if it was the most important thing social dynamics of school hardly allow for a slightly popular boy to `up stick' and make new friends without questions being asked. So back to the origin of my rant it is very odd when you are so sure wish to die for god only knows how many reasons and then to realise why in the hell should I be so god damn pathetic and escape them why the didn't I just fight back. Crawling out of that shower with my blood soaked legs and my energy drained body, lacking in copious amounts of blood, is either my greatest achievement or my biggest regret I am yet to decide. Staring at the ceiling lying down on the tiles of the floor wrapping my arms in the towel, my visions started to darken. Knowing I was going to pass out I was just thinking how thankful I am that my parents wont be home until tomorrow after visiting my ailing grandma and my Little brother, my mini me, and for his sakes I hope only in the looks department, wouldn't disturb me unless the house was on fire and yet I still don't know whether I would care whether I was inside or out if this humble two story house set on fire. Finally it all faded to black. Selfish, stupid and plain wanker are thoughts that mainly swirled around my head as I was drifting in and out of consciousness not entirely sure where I was just staring at the white ceiling for the few short seconds I was awake. I suppose I should have waited for my seventeenth to come and go as that was only in eight days and Christmas was only in fourteen days so I should have held it off really. Give my family and me a good last Christmas however I would be spending my birthday with them and I might just give them the most shocking Christmas present of all time. "Son!" was the first thing I heard when I finally woke up. It sounded deep and gruff and belonged to a six foot man built like a brick shithouse. Muscular body, muscular arms, and muscular legs - even his head with its shaven brown haired scalp looked more muscular than normal. That is my Scottish, Army man, Catholic Dad the greatest homophobic bundle a child could ask for. So imagine my surprise to hear my dads voice in the bathroom and filled with worry then I thought about it. How in the hell is my massive Dad in my tiny bathroom then I heard it - the beeping. Hospital. Fuck if there was one thing I didn't want out of this entire situation was to have my sorry ass in hospital I just wanted to slowly recover on my nice cold bathroom floor "son, son are you okay?!" "Why did you do it boyo?!" was what my dad said diverting my attention from my thoughts. Boyo –his nickname for me since a child. I turned and stared in his Blue eyes rid rimmed with tears streaming down his face – my army dad crying I never thought I would see him crying. God only knows how my mum has reacted she has probably cried herself into her own coma. I could feel myself slipping again. "Son why did you do it?!" my dad softly said and the only reply I could give him before I blacked out again was "Because of you " and the last image I saw before it all faded to darkness was his face crushing. "What do you –" was the last thing I heard before it faded to black. "Oh my baby boy, my baby boy" she wails like a banshee. My mother. Red hair and piercing green eyes, five foot and typically Irish by blood, lacking in accent but making up for it in devout Catholicism. I am fearful yet strangely excited to come out to her. I'm guessing she might faint... with any luck. She sits next to my dad her face soaked from lying in a pool of her own tears. She can't handle her bloody emotions. My dad looks more solemn than before even more tired but more than anything confused. "Nurse, Nurse my sons awake he's awake!" she wails. Yes I'm awake not deaf."My baby boy how are you?! What did you mean it's your dads fault?! Why did you do it?! What's wrong baby what's wrong?!" she reeled off in such a quick fire I barely understood what she was saying. "I'm feeling better and its not just dad's fault it's yours as well and I did it to get away from you and him!" I really couldn't wait to tell her now after she nearly fainted from that last comment. "Now son we can tell there is something going on to make you do such a thing but there's no need to lash out at us" my dad said sticking up for my mother "but I'm not lashing out because I'm upset I'm lashing out because you the problem" I replied realizing this conversation would be heading in the direction I don't want it to go. "How are we the problem son?" my mother whispered as though she no longer had the energy to talk. Ignoring her did no good as she continued with "perhaps we can change" which issued a short burst of laughter from me as they looked on in confusion. I could feel myself fading away again. So well now's a good a time as any "the reason that your the problem is because of what you are and what I am" my mother bless her lonely few brain cells didn't quite understand however my fathers face took on a look of understanding whilst tears started rolling down his face and he said "Son-" And it all faded to black. If the shit does hit the fan at least I can blame it on the morphine. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Next time I woke up it was me on my own. Not the best of signs. No mum and no dad and no little brother no one. No flowers or cards. No friends. I'm borderline wishing I stayed in the shower but I don't. I'm happy I got out I may have only been in for a short time but I felt like hell but at the very least I wasn't there. Well in my parents eyes I would be anyways not that I believe in anything like that not without proof anyways. However if my mum had any say about it she would rally it all up homosexual-suicidal-satyriasis-gerontophilic-freak and shove me down to the doorway to hell herself. My mothers favourite past time would be to remind us all about what happens to gays in the entire world how everyone hates them and with good reason. Bullshit. The amount of times I would have happily hit the woman over the head with a rolling pin is unbelievable. Alas I can't as she's my mum ... and I don't want to get any more idiotic. "Feeling better?" I heard and looking at the door I saw my grandmother quite possibly my only reason that I may have a chance at life not to mention she is bloody brilliant. I know that if I came out to her she would be fine with it. Being my father's mother and coming from Brighton to live in Nottingham in the past 2 years to be closer to her sons she is quite liberal living by the phrase `live and let live'. So here she stands at the grand age of sixty-one looking as healthy as a horse. Big brown hair, dull blue eyes, standing at five foot four and enough muscle to beat up the stupid kid that tried to steal her handbag. Word of advice never try and steal the handbag of a woman who happens to have a frozen turkey in a separate bag. The words broken and arm come to mind. "Yeh I'm feeling a lot better thanks although the pale green of these walls is starting to make me feel sick" I cautiously said afraid of how she would respond to me nonchalantly brushing aside the fact that I had just tried to kill myself. "Do you feel like you can talk for awhile?" she asked me with her own cautious tone. "Yes...." quite unaware of where this conversation was going. "WHAT THE DAMN HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" she suddenly screamed at me bring the attention of a few nurses. "If you were worried or upset about something you should have come to me about it. Its no secret you my favourite grandchild and I'm your favourite grandparent" she carried on. "Is this because you're gay?" To say I was dumbfounded would be a complete understatement. Not only was my generally calm and kind grandma screaming at me but she also knew the truth."How do you know?" I asked shaking with the thought that if she could guess who else could. "Well dear when you live in Brighton for most of your years you learn to spot things no matter how subtle. You don't have to wear pink, swivel your hips or talk in an overly high and exaggerated voice to be gay. Trust me." she told me with a glint of sarcasm and annoyance in her voice. "Well why aren't you damning me to hell?"I asked knowing that she was a Christian. "Well unlike your father - who loves you very much and will except you as you are – or more specifically your mother I have changed with the tide. I know it seems a bit backwards, the old person being accepting whilst the young aren't quite so but that's how it is." "Wait a sec you said my dad will love me as I am. What do you mean?" I asked fearing what I practically already knew. "Me and your dad had a little chat and he told me what you said before you passed out. Now if your mother wasn't as stupid as a newborn puppy then you would probably have a crucifix sticking out of your chest however she is more stupid than a newborn puppy so you're in luck. However your dad is not he didn't become an officer in the army for nothing. Granted he's retired but he's still sharp so your screwed or you would be if you didn't have me for a grandma." she reeled off in an almost giddy fashion. "Ok well just two little things. Number one. Why are you so excited? And number two. How did the chat go?" I asked frantically trying to figure out why she was happy considering recent events. "Well the chat went well. Your dad told me what you said and then voiced that he was afraid you might be gay then I told him to grow a pair of balls and move with the tide, to say he was shocked was an understatement " she said with a little glee to her voice. "Wait another sec you told my army dad to grow a pair?" I said laughing at the image of this tiny woman telling off my hulking dad. "Yes I put my son in his place. He may be a grown man, he may have been in the army, he may have kids himself but he's still my son and I can still guide him towards being better like any good parent should and before you ask as I can see the rising fear in your face I didn't out you to him I just said if you were then he should get some balls and protect you from your bible bashing mother." She said it all with such heartfelt concern and care for me I nearly cried. Nearly being the main thing as I don't like to cry at soppy stuff. Most of the time. Yet she also said it with that same sense of giddiness and happiness. "You didn't answer my other question. Why are you so happy?" I asked once again with growing confusion. "Because-" and before she could answer we both heard that other voice at the door. It was deep and gruff and it said "because I grew a pair." Please email me what you think. Don't worry there will be some sex later on I just want to build up the story first and want to see the readers reaction before anything else happens. Reece