Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2012 04:14:41 -0700 (PDT) From: Tyler Adams Subject: The Paths We Chose ch 5 Here's the next chapter of the story. I missed posting chapter two when I uploaded chapters 3 and 4 so in the menu it looks like I skipped a chapter, but you will see they are all there if you look at the heading on the story pages. tyler As always, consider making a donation to the Archive in order to keep it up and running. Chapter 5 I was having trouble falling asleep. Reliving all those memories I had of my brother had stirred up feelings of how much I missed him. The prayer Phil prayed was also bugging me because I kind of figured that the `certain things' he was talking about had a lot to do with the guy I met in the hallway this morning. I just don't get what's up with him. This morning in homeroom he was all ears when he was asking me about that guy. Then just like that, when I challenged him on it, he acted like it was the worst thing in the world. He's gonna drive me crazy if he doesn't soon pick a side and stick with it. Either he's gay or he's straight, and either he's on God's side or he isn't. I just wish he'd let me know, so I could decide if we could be friends or not. Something's just not adding up. There's got to be something he's not telling me. After I got done worrying about what Phil had said – or hadn't said – I started thinking about the guy with those incredible eyes. I imagined him at my house watching the Jason Jenkins show with me, but then the thought of me actually having to ask him over him kind of brought me back to reality. Thoughts of what it might be like if I actually had a boyfriend for real tormented me. I wrestled with the thought of what my classmates would do if they found out that I was a queer. ...and I'm not sure why, but that made me think about Phil again. What would he actually do if me and that guy got together and he found out about it? There were so many things to think about. ...So many things to decide. ...So many choices that I would have to make. I really liked Phil as a friend, and wondered if I should just forget about having a boyfriend until I got to college where no one would know me. But what if this guy truly was boyfriend material? I mean what if he was "the one?" I couldn't really take that kind of chance could I? I had heard someone say once that true love only comes around once in a lifetime. What if this is my only chance? I woke up Friday morning determined that even if it cost me Phil's friendship, I was not going to miss my chance at finding out what it was like to have someone special in my life. Even though I hadn't slept well, I woke up five minutes before WQAK's Cecil Jakes and Rhonda Emilio invaded my room with their brand of crazy humor. The guy at school with the cool brown eyes was definitely still on my mind. I would search the halls at school today, and find him. Then once I found him, I'd try to figure out... Oh my gosh! What if he's waiting at my locker again. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, opened my mouth and said "hey." Then I stuck out my hand toward myself and said "Alex Harper." "Du-uh," I scolded myself an instant later, "he already knows your name." "I don't think I caught your name yesterday..." I was beginning to panic. What would I say to him when I see him? He seemed so relaxed yesterday; like he'd had a lot of practice. Maybe Phil would help me come up with something on the bus that's totally cool to say to the guy. NOT! I can't believe I even thought that. I can't let him know. He would so hate me if he found out. In my mind's eye, I already had a boyfriend – never mind that I had only met him once. I couldn't wait to get to school and was out front waiting for the bus ten minutes before it arrived. What if he wanted to kiss me, right there in front of my locker, when I told him that I was interested in us getting together sometime? When Phil got to our bus seat, he immediately smiled at me. "Dude, what's up, you look different?" I wrinkled my brow a bit as if to ask `how so.' "Like, you're smiling and it's only seven-thirty." I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess I was pretty out of it almost every morning we rode the bus together. Usually he had to loosen me up with some sort of a joke or a poke in the ribs if he wanted to see me smile. "We're goin' to the park after school today, right" he continued. "I guess so." "Excellent" Phil shot back as he held out his fist. My mom's picking me up early to take me to the orthodontist, so I'll meet you there as soon as I get finished. "We need to try that 360 flip again, Phil, I'm feelin' mighty fine today." "Yeah, well you'd better make up a bunch of signs then, and post them all over the park: `Warning: flying skateboard. Enter at your own risk.'" We both broke out laughing. Gosh it felt good to just laugh for a change and not be weighed down by fear or anxiety. The last time I felt this good was at Daryl's seventeenth birthday party. It had been a long time. "Thanks for askin' about Daryl yesterday. It's like everyone else just figures that I'll forget about him if they don't ever mention his name. I miss him a lot." Phil's blushing when I said that kind of took me by surprise, but he shrugged his shoulders slightly, then gave me a playful punch to my upper arm without saying a word. When I got to my locker, I zoned out on Phil and busied myself digging around in the rubble inside, like I was looking for something important, until he had gone on without me. I was so sure Mr. No-name-With-the-Golden-Eyes would show up again today and ask me if I wanted to get together. When I heard the warning tone sound, and hadn't seen him, I dejectedly made my way to Homeroom and took my seat. Phil stared at me like he knew what I had been up to, and I got this uneasy, almost guilty feeling inside me because of it. He better not've been praying for that guy to stay away from me, was all I could think. I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes and saw him shrug his shoulders and then rearrange the stack of books that were on the table in front of him. First period class was a lecture on pre-World War I Germany – or Prussia – or something. It was the perfect set-up for fifty minutes of daydreaming, and my mind started out by thinking about how Phil must have prayed that guy away. I was getting myself pretty mad at him for interfering in my life like he knew what was best. Then I started thinking about him. I didn't intend to daydream about him for the entire period, but before I knew it I realized that the sound I was hearing was the tone signaling the end of the class. I picked up my books, and rushed for the door, hoping I might catch a glimpse of the guy with the golden eyes between classes. I had to go past my locker on my way to second period class, so I had planned to stop there, drop off my history book, and pick up my Lit. and Bio. books. When I got there, I saw a folded piece of paper with my name on it sticking in the vent. I pulled it out and unfolded it. alex, if you thought about what I told you n want to get together sometime, call me. : p casey ps: i'm the guy who talked to you at your locker yesterday The note ended with his phone number written in red hot ink. Oh my lucky stars! Casey! He had a name! ...and he hadn't forgotten about me. No way! Yes way! All I could think about were those eyes! I remember how his eyes sucked the breath out of me – how when he checked me out from head to toe while I stood there in the hallway yesterday, those beautiful eyes had shouted "Hello, I want you!" I picked my cell phone out of my locker and started punching Casey's name and number into my contacts as I walked. My head was dizzy with thinking about getting together with him. I reread his note several times to see if I had missed anything. It seemed a little bit strange to be so excited about getting together with someone I didn't even know, but he was like me. I never had anyone I could talk to who actually understood what it was like to think about guys all the time. I was sure we'd become very good friends. The tone, signaling that second period class was beginning, broke into my daydream and I had no idea where I was or where I was going. When I finally figured out that I was supposed to be heading for Lit. Class, I realized that I had walked down the wrong hallway. Turning, I sprinted to where I was supposed to be, and ducked into class, out of breath, just as attendance was being taken. Ms. Cassel gave me an icy glare as I took my seat. Even though I looked for Casey between all my classes, and several times during lunch I couldn't find him until before last period. He was just about to walk into the library when I yelled "Casey" from twenty feet away, like a ten year old would have yelled to his mom from on top of the Ferris wheel at the fair. He looked to see who was calling. When he saw it was me, his face melted into a huge smile and he waited for me to catch up to him. "So, Alex, you get my note?" he asked as his iridescent, hazel eyes gazed at me through his gorgeous eyelashes. Blood was pounding in my ears, and my face was beginning to heat up. A squeaky "Yeah" was all that would come out of my mouth at first, then trying not to sound too anxious I asked him "You like... still want to get together some time?" "Du-uh," he said as his eyes locked on mine. "I have to help in the Library this period, so I can't talk now. Call me after school, `kay?" I couldn't believe my luck! I had a last period study hall so all I needed to do was get a pass to go to the library to do a little "research." "Excellent! I have Study Hall" I blurted out, "I'll get a pass and see you in a few." As soon as attendance was taken, I got in line to get a library pass from the monitor. I never realized before now how slow Mrs. Hershey is at writing. And she's so anal about getting everything perfect too. She tore up Shantee Rodriguez' pass twice just because the first time she end "Shantee" with an "ay," and then she ended Rodriguez with an "s" because that's how Shantee pronounces her name. For crying out loud, they're just going to throw the stupid pass in the trash can when she gets there. Finally it was my turn. Mrs. Hershey spelled Alex Harper right on the first try, and I rode a carpet of air down the hallway. It took all of two seconds after walking through the doorway, to lay my eyes on the prize I had been seeking. It's amazing how feeling wanted by someone alters your view of things. Casey was up on a ladder reaching over as far as he could reach, putting books away and I could see his pudgy stomach hanging out over his belt. Normally, seeing hard abs on a guy is one of the first things to seriously get my attention, but here I am thinking his soft belly looked just fine. I grabbed a newspaper from the rack and took a seat where I could watch Casey as he worked. I made sure to check out plenty of girls too, just in case anyone was watching me, but it was hard to keep my eyes off of Casey, especially since he kept looking at me and teasing me by licking his lips. With the end of the period nearing, and having not gotten to say a word to him, my heart began racing as I watched Casey look straight at me, and then write something on a piece of paper. As soon as he was finished writing, he folded the paper in half, stuck it in a book, and made straight for the table where I was sitting. "Here's the book you were looking for" he said as he laid a dilapidated copy of Gulliver's Travels on the table in front of me, "accidentally" rubbing against my arm in the process, and then heading back to the desk. I was all shaky and trembling inside as I nervously opened the book to where the note was, and unfolded it. "P N 5" What's that supposed to mean. I tried to get Casey attention to let him know that I didn't understand what he had written, but he didn't look at me until about five minutes later. That's when he showed me the bathroom pass that he was carrying and nodded his head toward the door. Anxiety suddenly overtook me as I realized that "P N 5" meant for me to go to the bathroom in five minutes. I was breathless as I hung my newspaper back on the paper rack, and headed to the desk to get a lavatory pass. Casey was standing inside the door waiting for me. Unfortunately, another guy was occupying one of the stalls so we couldn't really talk. "You skateboard, don't you?" he asked. "Yeah," I answered, wondering if maybe he skateboarded too. "You ever go to that park, where they built all those ramps?" "I'm going there after school today to meet another guy from school. You want to go too?" "Naw, I'm not really into that, but you think you could lose him for a little while?" "I guess so" I said, not sure what he had in mind. "I'll drop you a note before I leave the library." I sat nervously waiting for the rest of the period until, just before the tone sounded, Casey again walked past me, dropping another note on the table in front of me.