Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2022 20:27:57 -0700
From: Dave <outinwest@gmail.com>
Subject: The Society Boys chapter 185

The Society Boys
By Connor Matthews

Welcome to the next chapter. Please donate to Nifty to assist them in
purchasing tissues and lube, as they read all our stories before posting...
Ha!  Just kidding, the donations help to keep their hosting service free
for all of us.  (Probably the other stuff too, though!)


Chapter 185

I woke up almost regretting that I'd woken up.  I knew I was in trouble as
I felt my stomach heave.  I grabbed for the garbage can closest to my bed
and starting hurling everything I'd ever eaten in my entire life.  I
honestly expected body parts to start exiting as it went on so long.  Colin
was awake instantly and right beside me as I lost a good 20 kilograms.
Then he asked the dumb question everyone asks.

"Are you okay, babe?" He said holding my hair back as if it were long
enough to somehow affect my puking.

"Do I look okay?" I managed to quip back before I started hurling again.
He ran to get a cool washcloth and a glass of water to rinse my mouth.  I
rinsed and spit.  We're gonna need to buy a new garbage can, and have this
one buried in concrete with other toxic waste.  When we both assumed I'd
finished, I rinsed my mouth once more and lay back on the bed, almost to
weak to move.  If this is one of those new crash diets, I'm not a fan.
Colin wiped my forehead with the cool cloth and then put an additional
blanket over me.  He took the garbage can out of the room, and I'm guessing
had a haz-mat team dispose of it.  He brought another garbage can in, but
this one was lined with a white plastic kitchen bag.  That was smart.  He
took my temperature, with one of those laser pointer things, and said I had
a fever.  I'm pretty sure I heard a hundred and thirty-eight, but in
retrospect, he actually said 38.8.  It's supposed to be 37, so it didn't
sound that bad to me.  Apparently, it's bad though.  I was sweating and
shivering at the same time.  I'm a Katy Perry song! I'm hot and I'm cold,
I'm up and I'm down.  I'm a top, I'm a bot...no wait I'm off track.  My
throat felt like I'd been eating razor blades.  Those new thermometers
really take the fun out of being sick.  What ever happened to the rectal
ones?

"I think we should get you to a hospital," he suggested.

"No need to over react, honey.  I'm sure it's just a reaction to something
I ate, or picked up a bug somewhere.  If I'm not feeling better by tomorrow
maybe we can call the doctor to make a visit."

"Sure, I'll just contact the 1960's to have the doctor make a house call,"
he laughed.

Aren't we rich?  Don't rich people get house calls?  That seems pretty
unfair.  Actually, the whole idea of having a sick person get his ass out
of bed and go to another place with a room full of other sick people seems
like the kind of idea that only a politician could come up with.  Normal
people don't think like that.  Colin gave me some Tylenol, and said he'd
bring some ice water that I could sip.  I think the ice would be good for
my throat.  Maybe a popsicle.  I suggested it, but he said we should wait
for my stomach to calm down first.  I'd agree with that as I'm not looking
forward to any more vomiting, although spewing orange might look good for a
horror film.  If I can't get a rectal thermometer, can I get a rectal
popsicle?  I'll ask when my stomach calms down and I'm allowed one.

He made sure I was comfortable and stroked my head until I fell asleep.  I
woke up sometime later, like you do, still feeling like shit, so I probably
hadn't gone into a coma and missed a few years.  I almost puked up a lung
again.  Nothing came out, but it sure hurt as I heaved.  Blake and
J.J. arrived in my room, fortunately after I'd lay back on the bed, and I
have to admit it cheered me up.  They were both wearing kitchen aprons,
although J.J.s was more like a long dress.  They each had one of Blake's
swim masks and snorkels on, had yellow kitchen gloves with tongs in one
hand and a giant sponge in the other.  How could you not laugh at that?

Blake took the snorkel out of his mouth.  "You feeling better, Dad?"  He
asked.

"I little.  You two should keep your distance though in case you whatever
caused this is contagious," I warned, even though I wanted to get my camera
and take their picture.

"That's why we're wearing protection.  I figured if you needed a sponge
bath we could do that for you," he offered holding up the sponge.

"I haven't been in bed long enough for that," I smiled, politely declining.
"What are the tongs for?"

"In case you need changing.  Not touching poopy underwear," he said
directly, clapping the tongs to prove his point.

I laughed.  "Thanks, but so far I'm only puking.  It's not coming out of
both ends.  I appreciate the concern though.  Maybe I could get a new glass
of ice water if you guys wouldn't mind."

"I'll get it," J.J. offered and turned to run off.

"Are you really sick, Dad?" Blake asked as he stayed near the door, but
looking concerned.

"I'll be fine, buddy.  I'm sure it's just some bug I picked up."

"Okay.  Well, get better and if you need me for anything just ask ADAM to
call me.  I'm gonna stay home all day in case you need medical attention.
I know CPR and the Heimlich, just so you know."

"Thanks.  I appreciate that.  Love the outfit by the way.  That alone
cheered me up."

"Didn't know what you had, and we didn't want you puking all over our
clothes.  Plus puke smells bad."

"That it does," I agreed.

Colin was up moments later with a fresh glass of ice water, which was
really more ice than water, but that made sense as it would last longer.
He checked my temperature again, but there was no change.  He made sure the
remote was nearby for the TV, and offered to bring me soup and crackers
later when I felt up to it.  Right now, I didn't want anything, although
that rectal popsicle was still on the list.  I mean just seeing puke makes
me puke, so this could be one of those self-perpetuating things that may
never end.

You'd think being this sick would be a rough enough way to start the week,
but no, this was just the beginning of a week that saw a few strange
things.  I was sick for the full day, but felt a lot better the next
morning.  Colin was going to sleep with me that first night, but I really
didn't need him getting sick too, so I sent him to sleep somewhere else.
Both J.J. and Blake offered their beds to him, which led to all three
sleeping in Blake's room.  I miss all the good sleepovers.  When I woke up
the next morning, my throat was still sore, but my temperature had gone.  I
think it drained out of my pores and into the bed sheets, as I felt like I
was sleeping in a lake.  Now that's what they mean by sweating it out.
Anything that wasn't supposed to be inside me, is now a puddle on my bed.
I might need changing now.  Good thing Colin didn't sleep with me or he'd
have needed a life jacket.  I was feeling pretty weak, but also sticky and
gross.  Sticky I can handle, gross not so much.  I swung around to get out
of bed, but my legs almost collapsed, so that seemed like a bad idea.  I
had ADAM contact Colin and he was in our room so fast; I think he might
have transported in.

I told him what I needed, and after taking my temperature to make sure I
wasn't still carrying a plague of some sort, he helped me to the bathroom.
I'd have taken a morning pee, but I don't think I had any liquid left in
me.  One thing about being sick, it sure kills morning wood.  Not even a
twitch from my favorite toy today.  Colin joined me in the shower and
helped wash me.  That's always nice but I felt super shivery when the water
was turned off, so he wrapped me in two big fluffy towels to keep me warm.
He took me back to the bedroom and had me sit on the couch until he changed
the sheets.  I think it required sponges, a mop and bucket, and a wet/dry
shop vac, but in no time at all, I was back in bed.  Next, he did the mom
thing and brought me some ginger ale and plain cookies, along with more ice
water.  Blake and J.J. returned to my room, still wearing the mask and
snorkel, but the other accessories were gone.  They were told it was safe
to sit with me, so they both decided `sit' meant climb into bed.  They
still kept their masks on, which Colin figured made a cute picture.  Me
looking like some zombie seated next to lagoon aliens.  I had several
visitors throughout the day, all making sure I was okay.  Jason wisely kept
his kids at a distance.  I guess he doesn't own masks and snorkels.  Kyle
and Chance brought me a book, which was nice as I didn't even know we owned
any.

By dinner time, I was back up and joined everyone at the table.  Rude
pricks made me sit a the far end though, on my own.  Despite being hungry,
I didn't eat a lot.  I'm guessing there is still some part of my brain that
doesn't want so much food in there in case throwing up was still an option
that could become a marathon event.  Colin returned to bed that night and
while I didn't feel good enough for sex, I sure liked the cuddling part.
He's warmer than any blanket.  I might try a rectal probe on him in the
morning to make sure he didn't get sick too.  I awoke to feeling like my
usual self, which some say meant I was still sick, but I felt great, and
Colin was the recipient of my newly returned energy.  The good news is that
Colin didn't get sick from being close to me, so that's a plus.  I'm
guessing he's probably built up an immunity to me by now.  I never did get
that fucking popsicle.

You'd think it'd be hard to surprise me anymore, but it does happen.  It
started when I got back from class one afternoon, and saw some young guy I
didn't recognize standing in the kitchen on the far side of the island.  I
thought someone had pushed the pause button as he wasn't moving at all.
Being naturally curious about strangers in my house, I headed over to see
who he was.  As I got closer, he must have heard me as his head snapped
around to look at me, and then quickly spun forward again.

"Shit.  Someone's coming.  Dude!"  He whispered loudly, so loud that he
might as well just have been talking normally.  "I'm serious!  He's almost
here," the guy said sounding like he was panicking.  "Oh god!" he said in a
quiet tone as he grabbed hold of the island.  I walked around to meet him
and found Blake on his knees sucking the guy off.  They were both dressed,
except for the guy's pants down around his knees.

Without stopping, Blake raised a hand to wave at me, then pulled off the
guy's dick, squeezed it and licked the tip.  He wiped his mouth and stood
up, which allowed the guy to pull his pants up in a mad frenzied panic.

"Hi Dad!"  Blake grinned.  "Sorry, that was Phillip's first blowjob so I
didn't want to stop.  That would have been the worst."

"That's considerate, but is the kitchen the best place for a first time?
Maybe your room...in private?"  I suggested like the responsible adult I'm
becoming.

"Oh, Phillip, this is my Dad, Justin.  Justin, Phillip."

"Nice to meet you," I said politely, realizing the only thing I knew about
the boy was that he had a smaller penis.  Maybe 5 inches, but it looked
good on him.  I know it's probably size-ist to judge a person by the length
of their dick, but since it's all I know, it's what I'm going with.  "How
do you two know each other?"

"We're in math together.  We have homework that we get to work on in pairs,
so Phillip is my partner for the assignment.  We figured we'd do it here."

"And is the blowjob part of the homework?" I teased.

"No," Blake smiled as he got them something to drink from the fridge.
"Phillip just mentioned that he'd never had one before, so I helped him
out."

"He just mentioned it out of the blue?"  I asked with my usual puzzled
look.

"Sure, after I asked him if he'd ever had one before," Blake replied as he
took a sip of his pop.  "Now we can focus better."

"Nice to meet you Phillip," I said totally ignoring any comments about what
I'd just seen.  Some boys aren't as cool as others when they get caught by
their friend's Dad getting their peckers sucked.

"Uhh, yeah.  You too," he said trying to look anywhere but at me.  The boys
took off and I'm guessing that might be the last I see of Phillip.

The next `out of the ordinary' event of the week, was where I heard Blake
enjoying himself in his bedroom at bedtime.  He's not exactly quiet about
it, nor does he close his door for privacy.  I entered and found him on his
back with the fleshlight over his cock and his ass thrust slightly into the
air.  He was working it hard and pumping hips up to meet it.

"Hi!" He said, greeting me as I went over to him.  I heard the buzzing from
his ass as I got closer, so looked between his legs, where he had the
vibrating butt plug shoved in there.

"Couldn't find anyone to play with?  Had to go to plan B, huh?"  I joked.

He looked at me and smiled and then began to sing as he moved up and down
enjoying his toys.  Whatever happened to him liking cars and action
figures?  I recognized the Queen tune and had to laugh as he sang it.

"Don't stop me now, 'cause I'm having a good time.  I'm having such a good
time.  I'm having a ball.  Don't stop me now!  Yes, I'm havin' a good time.
I don't want to stop at all.  I'm a sex machine ready to reload.  Like an
atom bomb about to explode. I'm gonna go, go, go.  There's no stopping me!!
I'm travelling at the speed of light.  Don't stop me now!!" he exclaimed
loudly at the end, as he grunted louder and reached his own explosion.
That should stop him now...  I wonder if Freddie Mercury thought his song
would be used like this?  Stupid me, he was gay, so I have a feeling he
might.

"Ahhh!" Blake sighed as he pulled the fleshlight off himself before
reaching around to pop the butt plug out next and turning it off.  "Another
one bites the dust, Dad!"  He chuckled as he bounced off the bed and took
himself and his toys to the bathroom.

I followed him.  "You going to be able to sleep now?"

"You know it!  Sometimes that can be just as much fun as sex with someone
else," he said as he washed the toys, before throwing himself in the
shower.  I said goodnight and headed to bed with Colin.  I wonder if Colin
would enjoy the vibrating plug up his ass while I rode his cock.  I wasn't
about to get off him to go get it though, so maybe tomorrow.  I know that
the Blake activity isn't really that unusual around here, but the fact he
was singing as he did it, could add some degree of different, so I included
it in to my list of strange for the week.

Then came a couple of surprises from Colin.  The first began with a weird
look he gave me after dinner.  He took my hand and led me down to the door
of the adult playroom.  "I have something for you," he said playfully as he
entered the code to unlock the door.

"Is it seven and half inches long and as hard as steel?" I grinned as I
followed him in.  At first glance it looked that same as it always had,
then I saw it.  We had some new machine in there.  The thing looked
ominous, and as Colin took me over to it.  It also looked complicated.

"Thought you might like this.  Should be a fun toy for all the boys to try
out," Colin grinned as we looked it over.

"It looks like a torture device," I told him.

"How about I undress you to show you how it works?"  He smiled as he
reached for the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head.  I never
object to being undressed, so I didn't try to stop him in the slightest as
he moved to take my pants and underwear off next.

"The first thing you do is to straddle the pole and I lock your legs into
the metal cuffs," he said giving me instructions on how to use this thing.
I did as I was told, and held the cross bar as he secured my legs in place.
Then he fastened my wrists to the bar I was holding.

"Comfortable?"  He smiled.

"So far," I nodded.  "What's next?"

"Next, we extend the pole underneath you until the rod is inside your ass,
and we set the minimum and maximum depths.  We don't want the thing pushing
up through the top of your head," he teased.

"It could go that far?" I asked concerned.

"No, but you also don't want it going too deep into you, until you know you
can handle it."

"Seems right," I nodded as I let him insert the probe into my ass and told
him when it was deep enough.  He made a couple other adjustments before
standing up.

"So it's another fucking machine?"  I asked.

"Oh, it's so much more than that," he smirked as he swung another pole
around from the side with what looked like a fleshlight attachment.  He
grabbed my cock and began to jerk me off as he kissed me.  I'm not
objecting, and my penis always responds to him doing that.

Once I was hard, he pushed the fleshlight thing into place and secured it.
I watched as he made some adjustments to it as well, and finally brought
another arm down from behind my head with what looked like a ball gag, but
attached to the arm.  He put it against my mouth, so I opened up to accept
it.  He then secured my head to it.  I guess that's one way to shut me up.
Damn, I'm covered from every angle now.  If I didn't trust Colin with my
life, I'd be a little nervous right now.  I was fully secured and plugged.

"You ready?" He asked redundantly, since I could neither answer or get
away, even if I wanted to.  I mumbled a yes anyway.  He took the remote and
turned on the fucking part first.  It felt it slowly move in and out of my
ass.  Stopping just before it would have come out and then drove back into
me as deep as I could accept.  It was going slow and Colin made sure I was
okay with it before he continued.  It actually felt really good.  Then he
surprised me by starting up the fleshlight thing.  It moved back and forth
on my penis while I was being anally penetrated. Talk about sending mixed
signals.  It was like I was in a three-way by myself.  He hit one more
button and everything began to vibrate slightly.  Even the ball gag in my
mouth was humming, or maybe that was me.  He turned up the intensity and
everything moved faster.  I was getting blown, fucked, and vibrated.  I
have to tell you that this is my new favorite toy, except for virgin
straight boys.  Those are still number one.  Well, after Colin that is.
So, I guess this is my third favorite thing.  Colin, virgin straight boys,
then this machine.

He increased the speed of the anal machine and that was it for me.  I shot
my load into the fleshlight thing on my dick, and almost collapsed from the
powerful orgasm I'd had.  I figured Colin would shut the machine off after
that, but he just let it keep using me as he stroked my hair and cheek,
before leaning in to kiss me a few times wherever he could get to.  When he
pinched my nipples, I was way to stimulated and actually had a second,
smaller, orgasm.  Wow, that's intense.

"Had enough?"  He asked as he slowed the fucking down.  I nodded as he
grinned and slowed the fleshlight machine down as well.  He dropped the
probe out of my ass and I was sure I farted when it exited, but don't hold
me to that.  It could have just been air pressure from the probe.  He eased
the fleshlight off and finally unfastened the clamps holding me in place
before helping me off the machine.  My legs had turned to jelly and I was
spent.  Really spent.  Talk about an incredible five-minute fuck.  I'm not
going to need anyone again.  Me and this machine will live happily ever
after on Bare Island.

"Well, what do you think?"  Colin asked as he helped me to sit down.

"I think you've been replaced," I joked.  "That thing is insane.  When did
you get it?"

"I had it delivered a couple days ago and tried to time it when you were at
class.  I wanted it to be a surprise."

"You accomplished that.  I'm officially surprised.  That thing is intense.
When you turned up the speed of both things, I thought I could hold on
longer, but it was just too amazing.  The vibration feature also added to
it."

"I thought you'd enjoy that.  Once you've recovered, I'll show you how to
use it and set it up properly.  The part that was on your penis, also has a
dildo attachment for the mouth.  It can be raised up to basically spit
roast you if you prefer that.  Could be fun to do that, which would leave
the guy's penis free for a blowjob while the machine works him over.  You
get the reward from him that way."

"Damn, you one kinky bitch, honey," I smiled as I let him wash the lube off
my penis.  I don't think I'll be able to stand for a few minutes to hit the
shower.  If anyone is looking me from now on, I'll be in here.

The next morning, we all stopped eating breakfast when Blake arrived to
join us.

"What's with the look?" Kyle asked he approached.  "You sleep in or
something?"

He was wearing a dark hoodie and black jeans rolled up to just past his
ankle tattoo.  He looked like he'd just fallen out of bed.  His hair was a
mess.  I mean the wavy hair always makes him look cute, but it was so extra
today.  All over the place like he'd been in a hurricane.  He just nodded
at us without smiling and sat down to breakfast.

"It's my new phase.  Its my dark, mysterious, brooding phase," he replied
without looking at us.

"How's that working out for you?" Troy inquired.

"Dunno.  Just started it today.  I think I've been too outgoing and
friendly.  Time to dial it back a bit and make people work to get to know
me.  Everyone likes the bad-ass type."

"Well don't do anything bad-ass, mister bad-ass.  I don't feel like a trip
to the principal's office," Colin warned.

"I can't help it if the establishment doesn't get our generation.  It's
time we took back the school."

"Took it back from what exactly," Chance grinned as we all listen to him
trying to sound tough.

"From suppression and tyranny."

"I think you mean repression, not suppression," I clarified.

"Any of the `ressions.  They all hold a person back from achieving his full
potential," he said as he ate.

"And parents worry about their kid being gay.  This one should prove
interesting," I noted to the group with them all agreeing.  I could see
Blake's smirk under his outward appearance, and somehow I doubt this bad
boy image will last long.  A first it'll be a novelty, but he's not that
kind of guy, so it should wear off pretty fast.  It's a good thing he
doesn't really shave yet, or we'd be having to deal with facial hair, and
that won't be a good look on him.

Once he was done, he pulled the hoodie up over his hair, stood up and went
to walk away.

"Dishes?"  Colin said as he apparently planned on just leaving them there.

"Dishes are part of the problem, man.  As a society, we're too focused on
making things clean.  We use up valuable resources to do unnecessary
things.  I say write my name on it, I'll lick it clean and put it away
until the next meal."

"Or not.  Now put the dishes in the dishwasher or this phase ends before it
starts," Colin said sternly.  He doesn't often talk like that, so Blake
paid attention and quickly put his dishes where they belonged.  The
establishment is still clearly in control.

Blake arrived home with J.J., who was dragging his friends Quinn & Karl
along with him.  The three younger boys ran up to his room after getting
something to drink, saying they had homework.  Blake strolled over and
dropped the top of the hoodie to reveal his still messy hair.  If it's
possible, I think it got even messier than this morning.

"Hey, `sup," he said nodding at me.

"Hey," I replied back.  "How was the new phase received today?"

"Like I care how they receive it, man.  What I do or don't do is none of
their business.  They can focus on their duck face selfies.  I'll focus on
fixing the world."

"Excellent.  Will you be doing that on your own or recruiting a team?"

"I'll be doing what I need to do," he said, trying to sound tough and
mysterious.  It had some charm to it, but it was gonna get old pretty fast.
He handed me his phone.  "Would you take a picture of me.  I need a new
profile pic."

I took it and opened the camera.  "I thought you said you didn't care what
people thought, or about duck face selfies."

"I'm not taking a selfie.  That's why I gave you my camera.  If you take
it, it's not a selfie, is it?"

He's got me there.  I took the picture which had to have three takes until
he thought it looked right.  So much for not caring.  He removed his hoodie
and shirt, and tossed them on a nearby chair before going to the fridge.  I
noticed that he'd removed the stud nipple piercing and had gone with the
hoop instead.  "I think I should get another tattoo, or maybe a scar across
part of my chest," he said out of nowhere as he checked himself out.

"Or not," I said sitting beside him.  "Maybe a scar tattoo would accomplish
both.  Wait, what am I saying?  Let's get past this phase before we start
looking at body alterations.  You're seriously way to cute to add scars."

"Would make me look even more bad-ass," he replied.  "If I could grow a
beard, that'd make me look more rugged for sure."

"Maybe.  But what happens when you're asked to do some modelling or if they
need a specific look from an actor and they pass on you because you're not
the clean boy look they want.  They can always add scars in movies, but
it's more difficult to hide a real one. Plus what about your fans who are
going to want to see some shirtless shots?  Everyone of them is going to
think you're hot just as you are, but I'm sure a few would be turned off by
a big scar or an ugly tattoo on such a good-looking boy."

"Good point.  I guess I could do some temporary stuff and see the response.
They way I figure it Dad is that as soon as I do a few underwear shots and
they see the bulge, they're not gonna care about anything else.  I've
already had tons of amazing comments from the pics I have on my Insta."

"Please tell me none of them are nude shots."

"No.  I'd be in deep shit if I posted pics of myself naked, but I do have
some in my assless underwear, although I turned so they only get side
cheek, not the whole ass.  See...smart," he said tapping his head.  "Gotta
tease the fans.  I'm saving nudes for my 18th birthday.  I do have nude
shots of myself, but that's mainly so I can see how I'm developing as I
grow.  I've been taking them since I first got a camera.  You wanna see
naked pictures of me when I was ten?"

"Nope.  Well, maybe.  I guess I wish I'd had picture of myself before and
during puberty.  Would be interesting to see the timeline of how fast I'd
changed."

"That's why I did it, but I have them all on a drive in my safe.  That way
nothing gets leaked online.  If nude shots of me get out there, I'm gonna
be the one leaking them and getting paid for it.  Not some pervy paparazzi
getting rich off my penis."

"Very logical.  So how long is this phase going to last?" I asked
seriously.

"Who can tell.  It's one of those things we do as teenagers, Dad.  You
never know what crazy shit we'll do next."

"Are you doing this to impress someone, or to get in with a group?"

"In a way, yeah.  There's two people I really like.  They're a couple and
together they send off this vibe of awesome that makes me want to know them
better.  They don't really let a lot of people into their circle, but I
figure if they see the new me, I might be interesting enough that they'll
want to know me."

"And is the goal just to be friends with them and follow their thinking and
ideals, or are you just doing it to get them into bed and have bragging
rights?"

"Kinda both.  I want the guy for sure.  He's wicked awesome.  The girl is
hot too, but nothing even close to him.  He's not your type, but I think
even you'd be attracted to him."

"You should invite them over one day if they let you hang out with them."

"Not a chance.  This lifestyle is everything they're against.  The rich
gobbling up resources at the expense of the poorer people.  They'd hate
this place and I'd be ostrich-sized forever."

"Wouldn't want that, would we.  Nothing worse than being ostrich-sized.
Unless you're another ostrich of course."

"Natch!"  He nodded.  Do you think he knows it's not how you pronounce
that, or is he just having fun with it?

I let him head upstairs to plan his overthrow of society, or watch porn.
Whatever worked.  J.J. and his friends had said they were going up to do
homework.  That usually meant dumping all their backpacks on the floor,
then abandoning it all for a couple hours of video games, a game of
basketball, and perhaps some swimming or bowling.  Both his friends were
staying for dinner, so I figured I better prepare something more than
grilled cheese for them.  I'd order pizza, which is always a favorite,
unless you don't get the type people like, then it's a cluster fuck.  You
have to order more than you need to accommodate everyone's preferences.
Usually plain cheese, deluxe, all meat, and Hawaiian covers it.

If you don't like pineapple on a pizza, that's your problem.  I don't
judge, but if you think it's gross, then I refer you to the fact you're all
sucking cock and eating ass, which some find as dislikeable as you do the
pineapple.  Let's keep things in context, shall we?  Otherwise see that
button at the top right of your screen?  Click the X and go find another
life story to read that doesn't involve pineapple on a pizza.  I did it
again, didn't I?  I went on another Justin soapbox rampage.  One day I'll
learn to only open my mouth to suck dicks.  Lots and lots of pineapple and
beer flavoured cock!

Anyway, those type of pizzas usually covers it, except for vegans, but then
some ketchup on the box it came in should satisfy them, so we still got it
covered.  I texted everyone to let them know what time we were having
dinner if they wanted any.  Some replied, most didn't, as it was one of
those texts that doesn't require a response.  I hate those assholes who
reply to a group text.  The next thing you know you have a half hour of
your phone blowing up, as everyone texts with each other and stray so far
from the original text that you wonder what the fuck is going on.

I headed upstairs to let the boys know and heard them giggling half way
down the hallway.  "My turn to play with it," I heard Karl say.

"It feels weird, and the end of it is sticky," Quinn commented.

"It's supposed to be," J.J. assured him.  "Just stick it in the hole and
it'll feel nice."

"Can I put my finger in first?"  Karl asked.

"That's what me and Quinn did.  Just to see what it was like."

I knocked on the partially open door and walked in.  The two visiting boys
jumped a mile and quickly grabbed the nearest thing they could to cover up
with.  All three propped up against the headboard with their pants down to
their knees.

"We're having pizza for dinner boys.  Anyone have food allergies?" I
announced, trying not to react to their pencil baby boners.  They assured
me that there were no food issues.

"Look what I found," J.J. exclaimed as he held up the fleshlight.  That
thing is certainly getting around this week.

"Do you know what that is?"  I asked, trying not to grin too much.

"Yeah, Layne told me when I called and showed it to him.  It's a penis
tickler.  You put your wiener in it.  Layne said you put that slippery
liquid in it, and then put your penis in and it tickles it.

A penis tickler.  That's a new one.  "And are you enjoying it?"

"Yeah, but it gets super sticky after a while.  I think that's what makes
it tickle," J.J. replied.

"Just use more of the slippery liquid, the lube, inside it and it'll feel
better.  Have fun checking it out boys, but make sure you wash it out when
you're done playing with it.  Oh, and wash your penises too.  You wouldn't
want them to be all sticky afterward either.  I'll text you when the pizza
arrives," I said as I left them to it.  I think I better advise Blake to
keep his toys out of the reach of J.J.  He's obviously as curious as Blake
was at that age.  Next thing you know we'll find him wearing a ball gag and
begging for us to take the handcuffs off he found.  That reminds me that I
better start locking my bedroom door.

The boys came down to dinner with not a word said about their new toy.
Instead, they planned for a game of bowling followed by some video games.
Told you that would be how the homework would go.  The fleshlight was just
a blip in the matrix.

When I told Blake about J.J. using his fleshlight, he was genuinely
surprised.  "No way he's ready for that.  Dude barely knows how to jerk
off.  It's like thumb and forefinger thing and he always stops when he says
he has to pee," he said half laughing, half serious.

"Blake, at ten you were wilder than that.  In a year he's liable to start
entering puberty and no doubt being your brother, he's gonna be a little
sexual.  Hope you're ready for that."

"I'm ready.  It's pretty bizarre thinking of your kid brother being old
enough for sex.  I don't like the idea."

"Now you know how we felt," I said, smiling at him.

"But you're cool with it now, right?  Especially now that you know how good
I am at it."

"I still wish you weren't quite as sexual, and would just enjoy being a kid
for as long as you could before the adult world takes you."

"I am being a kid, Dad.  Sex is all kids our age think about.  A least I'm
not just talking about it, like most of the guys, I'm actually doing it."
He grinned.  "But I am good at it, right?"

"You're better at it than most adults.  The fact that you're confident and
good looking certainly helps too."

"Don't forget dark, brooding and mysterious," he said looking as me with
his new `brooding' face.

"You'd probably have been a lot more mysterious if the entire school didn't
already know what you looked like naked," I teased.

"I can't help that.  Not a lot left to the imagination when I'm in my
speedo."

"Or that you don't hesitate to whip it out for anyone who asks.  Maybe keep
pants on and create some mystery."

"I'd rather be mysterious for my personality.  I like it when people think
I'm hot.  Like yesterday I was showering after gym and one of the guys
checked me out.  He started to bone up so had to get out of there before
anyone else saw him, but he wants me.  You can tell.  I left him thinking
about me instead of reaching out to grab it.  Mysterious and dark, baby.
It works!"

I shook my head.  "One day buddy, you're gonna hit on the wrong guys, and
you're gonna get your ass kicked."

"Did you say licked, or kicked?" he chuckled.  "Don't worry. That's why I'm
taking karate.  They attack me, and I give it back ten-fold.  They'll wake
up naked with oil on their ass and a used condom nearby.  That'll make them
think twice.  Don't worry," he said putting his hand up quickly.  "I
wouldn't rape someone.  I'd just make them think something happened.  That
would just help solidify my new bad ass character."

"Or...and here's the better option.  Tone down who you hit on, and if
someone does attack you, defend yourself only to the point where you can
walk away safely.  Try not to piss them off further by thinking you had sex
with them."

"I hear ya, but my way sounds more fun and diabolical," he grinned.  "Don't
worry, Dad, karate teaches you to just defend yourself.  I'd never use it
beyond neutralizing the threat so I could retreat."

"Good to hear.  Make sure you get the fleshlight back from J.J., and you
may want to wash it out, as they probably didn't do a thorough job and
they've had their penises in there."

"So, I only need to do the first two inches," he joked, giggling.

"Blake!  That's rude.  I'm sure they're at least three inches," I laughed
back with him.

"J.J.'s penis is the size of my index finger," he announced, and I assured
him I didn't need to know that.

The rest of the night was uneventful, although I didn't see any homework
take place.

The next afternoon, Ben arrived home with someone and left him standing
just inside the door as he headed to the fridge for a couple drinks.

"Who's the guy?  New friend?"  I asked as I looked over at him.

"Not really.  Gave him a handjob after school and he sort of followed me
home.  Don't really know him at all."

"He just followed you?  What's he think the handjob means?"

"No idea, but I'll find out fast enough.  I invited Razor over, so he
should be arriving soon.  I told him we'll be in my bedroom when he gets
here.  At the very least we're gonna blow him, but who knows, maybe he
wouldn't mind a couple rounds riding the wooden ponies."

"The wooden ponies?"

"It's another name for our dicks."

"Got it.  Have fun with your stalker," I teased.

Great.  Now we have boys following us home.  He was cute, so you can accept
that once in a while.  You don't want it to happen too regularly, or it
could become an addiction, and you find yourself wanting one all the time.

The second surprise I got from Colin is when I arrived home from class and
saw his everyday car in the driveway.  Normally he's not home this early,
so it was a surprise.  Not THE surprise though.  I didn't see him when I
entered the house, so I asked ADAM and got told he was in our bedroom.  I
headed up and heard him before I saw him.  The bedroom door was partially
open and I could hear him moaning and telling someone to fuck him harder.
I boned up pretty quickly hearing sex happening, especially considering one
of the participants was Colin.  I decided to have some fun with it.  I
walked through the door pushing it open a little more forcefully than
planned, so it banged against the wall, startling both guys.

Colin was on his back with legs up, and a guy I didn't recognize was on top
giving it to him.  I smirked to myself and almost shot off in my pants.  I
still get overly excited about random sex.  "What the fuck is going on?" I
said trying to sound pissed off and upset.  "Who the hell are you and why
are you fucking my husband?"

"Husband?  You're married?"  The guy asked as he tried to pull back, but
Colin had a firm hold of his hips.

"Yeah," he nodded, as I moved closer.  "This isn't what it looks like,"
Colin said with that mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"So, he's a doctor checking you for prostate cancer?  Interesting
technique," I said coming right up beside them.  The guy on top of Colin
was being held in place firmly, and he wasn't in a hurry to move at all.  I
guess he figured if he stayed completely still, I might not notice him.

"Justin this is Killian.  Killian, Justin."

"Really?  You're just introducing your afternoon lover as if you two were
playing chess."

Colin laughed as he could see Killian freaking out.  "Justin, don't scare
the guy.  Let him off the hook and tell him it's okay."

"I dunno babe.  I think a little more scaring should get the adrenaline
pumped up to the point where his orgasm will be mind blowing.  I might
forgive you if you let me join in," I suggested.

"We have an open relationship," Colin explained.  "Neither of us could only
have sex with one person forever, so we play around.  Sorry if he freaked
you out.  He has a...let's say...unique sense of humour.  Take your clothes
off babe and let him see what you bring to the party."

I took off my shirt and pants before reaching over to run my hands down the
guy's smooth skin and feel his ass.  My guess was that he was slightly
older than Colin, putting him maybe at 30.  He had a lean build, but was
really solid.  I used one hand to squeeze the melons, and the other to
tweak his nipples, which were quite perky.  He jumped when I pinched them.
"Sensitive nips huh?  That'll be good to know.  That ass feels firm.  I'll
bet you're nice and tight huh?"

"Probably, I'm a top though," he replied in a seriously cute Irish accent,
as I kept feeling him up.  I reached between his legs and took hold of his
nuts, which I always find fun to do.  They were average size, but smooth,
which is preferable to the naturally hairy coconuts.  I couldn't check how
big his dick was as it was fully inside Colin and with my arrival, he
seemed to have forgotten that he was in the middle of a fuck as he wasn't
moving.

"It's cute that you think that matters.  Don't worry, you can still top.
Seems only fair that I get up inside you since you're taking my husband.
You wanna see how big my cock is that'll be spearing this cute ass?"

"Uhhh, I'm not sure I'd be able to take a fuck," Killian replied.  He
sounds like a leprechaun, but he's too big to be one.  And anyway, I don't
see either a pot of gold nearby, or his green top hat that they all wear.
So he's probably just a regular Irish person.  But to be sure I'm going to
take his lucky charms.  Which in Irish speak means his cherry.

"Have you been fucked before?" Colin asked, beating me to the question.

"A couple times, but it really hurt, so I didn't like it.  That's why I
only top now."

"It usually takes some practice before you like a cock in you.  Don't
worry, I'll go slow," I said with a big grin as I stood on the bed and
straddled Colin so that I was facing Killian.  I slowly lowered my
underwear and fished my cock out.  His eyes went wide as I dropped them the
rest of the way and kicked the shorts aside.  I fluffed up my junk, which
was already excited at being invited to the party.

"That's huge," he exclaimed.  "There's no way I'll be able to take that.  I
think the last guy that tried was half that size."

"That was probably the problem.  This little penis guys are used to just
slamming themselves inside and going for it.  I've learned that guys with
smaller dicks cum faster than guys with large dicks, so they drive in fast
to get as much time possible before they shoot off.  I'll be going slow."

He shook his head.  "I honestly don't think my ass could handle that."

"It'll fit.  I'm pretty good at opening boys up," I assured him as I
stepped forward, grabbed his hair and lifted my cock to his lips.  At least
he knew what to do with it, because, like a good little fag, he opened up
and took it.

"How'd you two meet?"  I asked once I pulled back to give him some air.

"At work.  He pitched an idea to us," Colin replied.

"And you received it, obviously," I smirked.

"They rejected my idea, but Colin said with a few tweaks, it might be
accepted so he offered to help me."

"Then he brought you home to try several more pitches?  Nice.  Maybe I
should go down to your office and pitch my ideas to every person there.  Do
you supply the lube for the pitch, or do we bring our own?"  I asked as I
pushed my cock back down Killian's throat.

"Babe, your idea has been pitched so much you're basically a meme by now."

"Rude.  I still have plenty of ideas left to fire out at people.  Damn,
you're pretty good at sucking dick, Killian.  I'm guessing that's what
enticed Colin to bring you home.  Did you beg him to give you a second
chance and blow him in his office as incentive?"

Colin laughed.  "You know that's not how I do business, Justin.  Once
again, Killian, he's using his inappropriate sense of humour.  I apologize
for all the things he might say to offend you."

"It's cool," Killian replied as he eased off my cock.  "I like a bitchy fag
once in a while.  I'm still a bit freaked out that you're married though.
Wasn't expecting that plot twist."

"You probably weren't expecting 8˝ inches up inside you today either,
but life is like that.  Best part was the look on both of your faces when I
barged in on you."

I moved from my standing position, to one where I was kneeling behind him.
I wasted no time pulling his cheeks apart as I began to rim his sweet hole.
Each time I licked over it; the pucker tightened.  I gave him some advice,
but he kept tightening anytime anything touched his entrance.  Yeah, this
is gonna take some work.  No wonder it hurts.  Good thing I closed the door
when I entered the room, or people would be able to hear his screams all
the way down to the lower level, once I punch through.  Let's have no
misunderstanding though; Killian is fucking my husband, so he's got to
expect some form of punishment.  Lucky for him that his punishment is
basically just more sex.  I grabbed the lube next to us and fingered a bit
around his hole, which as previously mentioned slammed tight and wouldn't
let so much as a toothpick in.  I slapped his ass cheeks a few times until
he relaxed, then gave him the usual instructions of breathing deep,
relaxing and pushing out.  He didn't do any of it correctly.  He had short
shallow breaths, tightened his defences as if an invading army were trying
to take a shortcut through his ass, and moved forward into Colin with each
touch.  At least Colin was getting the benefit of my attempt to open
Killian's ass.

"Dude, seriously relax.  Maybe this is what they mean by going after your
pot of gold.  Keep it in your ass and no one will get there."

"Are you calling me a leprechaun?"

"Don't worry, you're about to have the luck of the Irish.  Not many guys
get to take my cock balls deep.  I'm pretty selective about who I fuck."

Colin snorted a laugh.  "What is your definition of selective, exactly?
Breathing?"

"That's one rule, for sure.  The other hard rule is that they must have an
ass," I nodded as I slapped Killian's cheeks hard forcing him to jump a
bit, which also moved his focus and he opened slightly.  I took that
opportunity to drive my finger into him.  I was barely past the first
knuckle before he clamped tight again, but at least now I was in.  The rest
should be easy provided he doesn't crush every bone in my finger and snap
it off.  That would mean I'd have to go for the power tools to get him
ready.

"That kinda hurts, dude.  I told you it's too big," he complained.

"Uhhh, that's just my index finger.  Stop being a chick and relax your ass.
This is why it's hurt in the past, you're clamping tight.  Just take a few
deep slow breaths and focus on releasing the pressure on your ass."

I encouraged him softly and consistently as few more times as I moved my
finger in and out of him, trying to do it in rhythm with his breathing and
the slow fuck he was giving Colin.  Once I felt that slight change, I
pulled my finger out, added more lube and drive back in with two fingers,
and we started all over again.  At this rate, we're gonna be here all week.
I poured lube on my shaft and stroked it until I was back to fully hard.
All this concentrating on getting his ass opened was boring my cock, so it
had started to fall asleep.  But now the excitement of two fingers in him
washed over my body, and my horny blood cells took over from the white and
red guys.  I eased up against him and ran the tip of my cock over his
cheeks and down the crack.  He instantly tensed up.

"Ow!" I said as I slapped his ass hard.  "My fingers are still in there.
Try not to crush them.  I use those two a lot."

"Let me guess, on selective guys you're going to fuck," Colin teased as he
moved the position of his legs.  I guess he hadn't expected the fuck with
Killian to last this long.  Usually, it's under five minutes before the guy
blasts and pulls out.

I'd significantly scared Killian enough that I wondered if he was even
still hard inside Colin.  That's the worst.  If you lose interest in the
guy you're fucking and go soft while inside.  Here's some tips.  DON'T pull
out.  You'll never get the limp noodle back into the hole.  Keep fucking
and fake it.  Grunt, groan and announce you're cumming.  Make sure he sees
you shudder before you collapse on him and then slowly pull out and wipe
your dick to hide it from view.  Then if you hadn't actually cum at all
while you fucked, lean in to lick his ass as an added `bonus' for him.
Ignore the lube taste as your reputation is on the line.  Tongue as much
spit into him as you can in the next few seconds.  That way when he reaches
around to check if there's cum running out of him, he'll feel how wet he
is, and no further questions will be asked.  If you're worried that he's
the type that might run to the bathroom to dump the load inside him, take
him into the shower and encourage him to drain himself there while you soap
him up.  The faking of the orgasm is complete and you both go away
satisfied.  You, that your reputation remains intact.  Him, because he got
fucked by you.  Now there is a downside.  If you just went limp because you
were tired or suddenly thought of something in the middle of sex, fine.  It
happens.  You can give him an even better fuck next time.  On the other
hand, if you suddenly find that he's terrible at sex, or you just don't
like him, then you might have some work to do.  You just faked the sex and
left him thinking you're amazing.  He's gonna want to see you again, so you
might need to let him down gently.  I guess you could just tell him that
he's a terrible lay and you're gonna pass, but that's unnecessarily cruel.
It's better to tell him that you met someone who you've asked to be your
boyfriend.  That takes you off the market.  Normally.  I mean you'd think
being married to a seriously cute billionaire would take someone off the
market too, but here we are about to spit roasting a rando.

I added more lube to his ass and another coat to my cock before I pushed
the tip against his hole.  As expected, he clamped up tighter than before.
"Dude, I can almost guarantee that this will be unbearably painful if you
don't relax."

"I really don't wanna get fucked," he said looking back at me.

"That's what a lot of tops say until they get a proper boning.  Then it's
all `fuck me harder' and `when can we do it again?'  You just haven't had
the right guy fuck you.  Now relax so you can enjoy it.  If I have to push
through the clamp, it's gonna be terrible pain."

He nodded as I slapped his ass a couple times.  I felt heard him take a
couple deep breaths and then felt the cheeks relax.  He was fully dilated!
Ha!  That's gay speak for he's ready for anal.  Actually, I think it's more
correct to say I was ready, and he just wanted to get it over with.  If
word gets out that this is a requirement to fuck Colin, there's a lot of
tops that are gonna miss out on some serious fun.  I pushed in slowly, and
he cried out in pain as I began to push past the sphincter.  As soon as I
felt the head of my penis pop through vice grip chute and be welcomed
inside, I paused.

"That's the worst part.  Now just stay relaxed and breathe.  Your body will
adjust in a couple minutes."

"Shit this hurts!  Whooo, you're big," he complained.

"Thanks, it'll feels better in a minute, or go numb from the pain.  Either
way you'll start to enjoy a cock up inside you," I said trying to sound
supportive.

"I dunno about that.  I'm not a fan of pain during sex."

"You're gonna suck during bondage," I teased.  "Like I said, that's the
worst part."  He was staying relaxed, which my penis thanked him for as it
can't handle a clamp around it like my fingers can.  I watched myself
slowly push into him and rubbed his lower back and ass cheeks to help him
relax more.  I also told Colin that he might want to thrust up and down if
he wanted to get fucked as Killian wasn't about to move while I was
penetrating him.  "See you're doing great buddy.  We're halfway," I
announced.

"HALF way?" he asked surprised.  "Feels like you're already in past my
stomach."

I was actually in about three quarters, but you gotta have some fun when
you're using a top.  "The second half is easier," I assured him.  "Lie down
on Colin so that once I'm all the way in I can start fucking you."

"I'm not sure I can take much more.  You're in pretty deep."

"It's okay, the last half if usually the best as it touches all the spots
to make you cum harder," I assured him.  Anyway, who cares?  I'm already in
him, so it's not like I'm gonna stop now.  He lay down and Colin wrapped
his arms around Killian as I pushed the rest of myself into him.  "There!
See.  You took it all."

"You're all the way in?"  he asked panting slightly.  "This is seriously
hurting, but I admit the last half was easier than the first part."

That's psychology at it's finest right there.  You set him up to expect
that he still has half of your cock to go, and his mind processes how the
first half felt.  Now, you shove the last quarter in and he suddenly
realizes it was better than he expected, which now leads him to believe
that the fuck will also be better, just like you originally told him.  One
top, converted into a bottom.  I lay on him and kissed his neck and back.
"Just stay relaxed and let's fuck.  As I pull back you can ease up as well,
and then when I drive into you, it'll push you back into Colin so he gets
some of this too.  It's like I'm fucking both of you at once."

Kilian just nodded as I began to fuck him.  I could hear him struggling to
take me, but I have a feeling he's not complaining as he wants Colin to
think he's totally into it.  I guess if you're pitching an idea, you want
the catcher to like you.  Works for me.  I wonder if Killian would have let
me fuck him if it'd just been the two of us.  No way to know that now, as
once they've had me, they come back for more.  Top or not.  I'm not
bragging, that's just how it is.

I plowed him rhythmically for a couple of minutes before he announced he
was going to cum.  Colin grabbed his head, and pulled him in for a kiss, as
I pushed up on my hands and began fucking the hell out of him.  This guy is
gonna need a walker to get home by the time I'm done.  I mean he is 30 or
more, so he's gotta get used to the idea soon anyway.  We heard him grunt
as he reached orgasm, and I felt his ass throbbing around my cock.  I
quickly pictured his penis pumping out wave after wave into my husband.  So
fucking hot.  I didn't time it right though, as he was finished and ready
to pull out before I was at my climax.  He pushed back which got him out of
Colin, but also reached back to pull my cock out of his ass.  He pushed
himself aside leaving me facing Colin.

"Guess I'm finishing inside you babe," I grinned as I grabbed his legs and
let him put them on my shoulders.

"Guess so.  Killian, feel free to rim Justin while he's fucking me, or get
in here for three-way kiss," Colin suggested.  He took the kissing option,
which was still pretty hot.  I grabbed Colin's cock once we'd finished
kissing and jerked him off as I fucked him.  Killian rubbed both our chests
and played with our nipples, so he wasn't one of those totally selfish
type.  You know the type.  Once they're done, they leave regardless of what
state you're still in.  We've all had them, or will have one, in our lives.

"I'm about to cum babe.  Where do you want it?"  I asked.

"On his chest," Killian replied, despite the question being for `babe, not
him.

"You heard the man.  On my chest," Colin grinned.  I grabbed my shaft and
quickly pulled out, stroking furiously as I did it.  Within seconds I was
nutting my love juice all over Colin, and if Killian had just been a shade
closer, I'd have turned the nozzle on him as well.  This sucker is like a
fire hose.  Again, not bragging, it's just a fact.

"Nice!" Killian smiled as he put his finger in the puddle and began to rub
it around.  I pushed back inside Colin for another couple thrusts as I
jerked him off faster, getting his orgasm to join mine on his chest and
stomach. "Damn you guys have big loads."

"That's just what happens when you have as much sex as we do, I guess.  You
produce a lot."

As he mixed our cum together with his finger, I reached up and played with
his nipples.  "What do you think Colin, was that pitch better than his
original one, or does he need to go again?"

"Hey, he can go as many times as he wants, but yeah, that was way better
than the first time," he nodded.

I moved to the side to kiss Colin before grabbing Killian's finger that was
playing in the cum puddle.  I helped him move around in it before lifting
his finger up to his mouth.  He got the idea and sucked the protein laden
boy juice off.  I let him repeat that several times before I sat up and
kissed him.

"You two really need to go take a shower.  You're a mess and you smell like
sex,' I suggested.

"What about you?  Don't you smell like sex too?"  Killian asked.

"Yeah, but I smell good before, during, and after sex.  This is the scent
that has attracted a thousand boys.  You don't mess with perfection."

"Are you always like this?"

I laughed.  "No, I'm usually pretty outgoing.  I was just being reserved
because I didn't really know who you were, despite shafting Colin."

"This is you being reserved?  What the hell does it look like when you're
not?"

Colin laughed.  "You know the saying, Killian.  Don't ask questions you
don't want answers too."

"Come back again and find out for yourself," I added. "Colin are you good
or do you wanna fuck him before you guys go shower?"

"I think we're good.  Killian?"

"Yeah, I'm done.  Still trying to get my heart to slow down from when you
barged in.  I thought I was dead."

"Sorry, I just thought it'd be funny."

"Do you guys share everyone you bring home?"  Killian asked as he leaned
down and licked Colin's nipples.  I thought he was done.

"Not everyone.  Justin is a lot more sexual than me, but we have our share
of group fun that's for sure."

"Yeah, random spontaneous sex is the most fun.  Although I'd never object
if Colin brought Adrian home more often.  That's a guy I could fuck a lot."

"Adrian?  Your assistant?  I thought he was straight," Killian asked
surprised.

"And we thought you were strictly a top.  Not sure why him being straight
would stop us from fucking," I said tying to look confused.

Killian just shrugged.  I guess the Irish boys aren't as sexually advanced
as those of us in the land without Leprechauns.  Am I being culturally
insensitive about that?  You never know with all the politically correct
speak and everyone calling everyone out for everything.  Last thing I heard
was that manhole covers were now called maintenance hatches.  I still call
them underwear, but you can cover your man's hole with whatever you want as
long as I can get to it at some point.

I let Colin and Killian head for the shower together.  I'd have joined
them, but I left my Irish soap in the other bathroom.  I don't think you
can use regular soap on an Irish gay.  Not sure, but they have Irish soap
for a reason.  True fact.  Look it up.  I wiped the lube off my dick and
jumped back into my clothes and retreated downstairs.  I'd had my fun for
the day.  Nice to be surprised like that.

A not so nice surprise was when Blake returned home and headed straight for
the fridge.  I know, that's not unusual considering he basically lives in
the fridge some days, and despite our best effort to childproof the house,
he still gets in.  But when he sat next to me with a bag of peas over his
eye, that wasn't part of his regular routine.  Either he has a black eye,
or thinks you can cook peas on your face.  Both of those scenarios are
cause for concern.  I removed the frozen vegetables.

"What happened?"  I asked as I saw the large bruise.

"Would you believe me if I said I walked into a door?"  He said partially
smiling.

"No.  Not unless the door is into throwing a right hook," I replied as I
turned his head to take a better look.

"Yeah, that only works in movies.  Nah, like you warned, I guess I finally
asked to blow the wrong guy."

I shook my head.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah.  I thought the guy was checking me out, so I asked if he'd like to
go somewhere for a blowjob.  Turns out he wasn't checking me out after all.
He punched me in the face and called me a faggot.  I mean it's not like I
reached over to grab his dick to introduce myself or anything.  He could
have just said no thanks I'm straight.  Must be `roid rage."

"Or, he just doesn't want to be sexually harassed."

"I only asked if he wanted one.  I didn't pull his junk out and go down on
him.  That's like asking if you want dessert after dinner.  You could just
say no.  You don't beat up the waiter and call him names."

"Is your eye okay?  Should we be taking you to the doctor?  Do you want a
CAT scan?"

He gave a small laugh.  "No, it's fine.  It's just gonna be colorful for
the next few days.  Totally helps my bad boy image though.  Already had one
of the teachers ask if something was wrong at home, or if I'd like to talk
to a counselor.  I think my bad ass thing is catching on and getting me
some attention."

"Might not be the kind of attention you want though," I reasoned.

"It's all good.  With this shiner, people are really gonna be talking
tomorrow.  Already posted it on my Insta.  Got tons of likes already,
mostly from guys.  Girls are concerned, asking if it hurts.  Some offered
to help me with it.  The sympathy vote works, so I'm expecting a line up of
girls tomorrow."

"Try not to get punched by any of them.  Can't see that being good for your
new reputation."

He just smiled as he put the peas down.  I think we're having peas for
dinner.  Not sure you can refreeze them once they thaw out.  Don't know
what the rules are on frozen veggies.

"Good point.  I could go to school as if nothing happened and if I see that
guy, I'd just pretend I didn't know him.  That might reduce any blowback
from him.  Although if there had been blow back, none of this would have
happened...and I'd have gotten blown," he giggled like the kid he is.

"Now maybe you'll believe me about reading the room and knowing your
audience," I said giving him a side hug.

"Yeah.  I didn't even have time to defend myself as I didn't see it coming.
Oh well.  You learn shit every day."

The strangest day of the week was Saturday when Blake remained fully
dressed all day.  I'll be honest, I'm really starting to hate that hoodie.
It hides his face and that beautiful hair.  We may have to implement some
sort of executive order banning head coverings while in the house.  He hung
out with J.J., took him to the movies, then went to the beach, and a
regular beach at that, not one of the nude ones.  Then they played a board
game together.  I didn't even know we had board games.  At least not
traditional ones.  I know there's a truth or dare drinking game around here
somewhere.  Not once did he talk about anything sexual, or even take off so
much as his shirt.  Even when he had his sleepover with J.J., they both
wore t-shirts and underwear to bed.  We'll chalk that up to a full moon, or
realignment of planets, or some new government regulation I'm unaware of.
Whatever it was, it was strange.  I'm hoping next week gets back to normal.
I know what you're probably thinking is all that seems pretty atypical
around here, but to me a lot of it seemed unusual.  Guess we all have our
standards.

"Justin, me and J.J. need to go to the mall.  We need some new socks,"
Blake said as he and his little brother came to talk to me.

"Just socks?"  I asked surprised.  Normally his shopping sprees are a
little more expansive.  No, I didn't mean expensive, although to be honest,
that usually came with expansive.

"Yeah.  Everyone's already seen the ones we have, so we have to add to the
collection to stay current."

"Do you need anything else other than socks?"  I asked J.J. with a bit of a
grin.

"No.  Blake said I just need new socks.  I already have lots of other
stuff."

"He could use some new shirts too," Blake added, then looked at J.J. and
talked quieter to him.  "Don't worry, clothes aren't part of your allowance
each week."

"When were you needing to go?"  I inquired.

"Now, if you're free.  Thought you might like hanging out with me and J.J."

"I'd love it.  Let me just get my wallet."

"We have ours, with our credit cards, so we're covered," Blake assured me.
I grabbed mine anyway.  Driver's licence and all.  As we drove over, Blake
was in the front seat, with J.J. in the back.  Something about the law, and
J.J. still being too young for the front, or some such nonsense.  Slap a
kid on the back of a motorbike in only a helmet and the safety instructions
of `hold on tight', and we're good.  Put them in a car with 10,000 safety
features and there's so many rules, you need a law degree.

Blake was talking to us about all sorts of things.  "Did the twins ask you
to read them the story of Cinderella and her `hairy' godmother," he asked
grinning wildly.

"Her hairy godmother?  Was this a European version?" I joked.

"I corrected them, but I don't think they understood.  I guess hairy makes
more sense than fairy.  Why would it be European?"

"Girls over there don't shave their pits or legs...so they are hairier."

"Gross.  You're kidding, right?  Oh god that would freak me out.  Girls
with pit hair.  Pull over, I'm gonna puke," he said as he fake gagged.

"It might not be all girls, but it's more common there.  They do a few
things different than North America.  Like most boys aren't circumcised,
except for religious purposes."

"Yeah.  I read that somewhere.  Guess they're not really as much into
health as we are, huh?"

"Actually, Europeans on average lead a much healthier lifestyle than we do.
Maybe that should be one of our next trips.  Spend the summer in Europe."

"Okay, but can we stop by Paris first.  That's the city of love, and I'd
like to show off my skills."

"Sorry, you have to pass an entrance exam to get into the sexy parts of
Paris, and you've still got some studying to do."

"Trust me...I'd pass!"  Then the subject changed.  "Hey, we can use the HOV
lane, Dad," Blake pointed out as it was moving along faster than the rest
of the highway.

"Good eye.  I always forget about that," I said veering into the faster
lane.

"Are we going through the tunnel?"  He asked out of nowhere.

"Unless you know another way to get to the mall."

As we entered the tunnel, he turned to look at me.  "I'm freakin' out over
here, Dad!"  He said loudly.

"You don't like tunnels?"

"It's fine except I think I'm getting carpool tunnel syndrome," he blurted
out, giggling like an idiot.  J.J. laughed along with him from the back
seat.

"How long have you been waiting to use that?"

"A while!"  he said continuing to laugh.  "Oh, I went to a whore house the
other day, but it wasn't open."

"What?"

"Yeah.  The sign on the door said `Beat it.  We're closed!'"  He laughed at
his own joke again as I rolled my eyes.  J.J. gave a courtesy laugh, but it
sounded forced.  I'm guessing he didn't understand that joke.  At least
Blake wasn't boring company on a trip.  "What did one saggy boob say to the
other?... We better get support or people are gonna think we're nuts."

"Oh brother," I replied.

"Equality Dad!"

"What?"

"Did you know that if a girl sleeps with 10 men, she's a slut, but if a guy
does it..."  he paused and shook his head as he sat back before continuing.
"He's gay!  Definitely gay!!"

"That's not where I thought that was going," I laughed.  "Where do you get
all these and how the hell do you remember them?"

"Well...I was gonna get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind..."
he said giggling again.  It took me a second to realize he'd made another
joke.  "It's okay Dad.  I'm not an addict anymore."

"Except to bad jokes," I replied.

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now!"  he said almost falling
out of his seat giggling.  He's an addict alright.  He's definitely on
something.

"I got one!"  J.J. announced, not wanting to be left out.  "What car does a
Jedi drive?"

"No idea," I said quickly before Blake answered it and ruined J.J.'s joke.
He sometimes does that.

"A ToYODA!" He giggled.

"Nice one!"  I encouraged.  Which only seemed to actually encourage Blake.

"I know you don't get my jokes, Dad, but you do know that no matter how
much I push the envelope, it'll still be stationery!  It's a fact that when
you wash the car with your son, he'd prefer you consider using a sponge
instead."

"Okay, stop, or I'm gonna laugh ourselves right into the concrete barrier."

"I'm fine," he said sounding serious.  "I took an I.Q. test and it came
back negative.  Speaking of negative.  Did you hear about that
mathematician who hated negative numbers?  He'd stop at nothing to avoid
them!!"

"I'm guessing whatever drugs you're on have just kicked in?"  I said
chuckling at him.

"I know another one," J.J. announced.  "I always find a way to sneak
chocolate into the movie theatre.  I have a few twix up my sleeves."  We
all actually laughed a that one.

"Nice one, dude!  I Just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra, and boy
is Grandma taking it hard!"

"Blake!" I said trying to sound upset, but that was actually funny.  "Those
are my parents you'd be referring to."

"Fish are easy to weigh," J.J. said fitting another joke in.  "Because they
come with their own scales."

"You two are definitely brothers," I said shaking my head at the bad jokes,
but they were actually sort of funny.

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?  One's very heavy, the
other is a little lighter," Blake said without waiting for me to guess.  "I
had to look that one up to figure out why it was a joke, but I figured
older guys like you might like it.  What's the difference between beer nuts
and deer nuts?  Beer nuts cost more than a dollar.  Deer nuts are just
under a buck.

Thankfully we reached the mall before things went downhill.  "Dude!  Check
that out.  They have the new green exit signs instead of the old red ones."

"Cool," I said, actually never noticing that before, with J.J. also
checking them out.

"I dunno Dad.  Exits signs are so on the way out!  Speaking of signs, I saw
one that said `Watch for Children.'  I thought that seemed like a good
trade."

"Okay, stop!"  I laughed.  "You want socks or not?"

"I could just ask God for socks if you won't buy them for me, but then I
realized he doesn't work like that, so I could just steal them and ask for
forgiveness!"

"Actually, that one's not so much a joke, as a sad truth of religion."

"Way to bring the mood down, Justin," he said.  "Sometimes you just gotta
pay attention to things around you.  Like I was trying to teach people
about the different types of grapes earlier."

"Why?"  I asked, looking at him confused.

"I was raisin awareness," he giggled.

That took a second, but I just shook my head at him.  That one went right
over J.J.'s head though.

"Guess what vegetable pirates never take with them on their ships,"
J.J. asked.

"No idea," Blake replied, focusing on his brother.

"Leeks!"  He giggled happily.

"Nice one!  Little brothers also don't like squash!" He added as he grabbed
J.J. into a bear hug before dropping him again.  "You do know that if it
walks like a duck, and talks like a duck...You're probably drunk.  Ducks
don't talk."

"Blake.  You know you're unique right?  Just like everyone else!"  Two can
play this game.

"That doesn't even make sense, but sometimes I wake up grumpy.  Other
times, I let you sleep," he said just looking at me without even blinking.
"Do you just need a hug, Dad?"

"I never turn down a hug!"  I said putting my arm around his shoulder.  As
we continued towards the stores he wanted to check out, I saw nine-year-old
Mac running up to us.  I guess he'd seen me before I'd seen him.  "Hi
Justin!  Remember me?"  He asked as he slammed into me and wrapped his arms
around my waist.

"Of course Mac.  How are you?"

"Just hanging out.  Kinda bored and stuff.  Everett is still at work, so I
have to wait.  Don't worry, he gave me money for food this time, and he
bought me an iPad for games," he said showing it to me.  "Who are they?"
He asked looking at Blake & J.J.

"I'm Blake.  His son," Blake said looking at Mac and then at me, amused.
"That's J.J., my little brother."

"Hi.  I'm Mac.  Where ya goin'?"

"Just to get new socks that show off my tattoo," Blake replied as if he and
Mac had been friends for years.

"You have a tattoo?  Can I see it?"

Blake lifted up his pant leg and Mac almost bent in half to get a good look
before he sat on the floor and ran his hand over it.  "Wicked cool.  I like
tigers!"

"It's a jaguar, but I like tigers too," Blake admitted.  What is it with
kids and tigers?  I blame Winnie the Pooh for this.  Tiggers are a
wonderful thing...apparently.

Mac stood up and looked at us.  "Which store are you going to?"  He asked.

"We're not sure.  We're just checking out different ones," Blake replied.

"Okay, I'll come too," he said inviting himself.

"Won't Everett wonder where you are?"

"Nah, I have a cell phone now so he just calls me when he's on a break."

"Where does he work?"  Bake asked.

"In the stairwell," Mac answered as if it were the most normal place in the
world to have a job.

Blake looked at me confused.  "Later," I told him as our nine-year-old
tagged along; at one point reaching up to hold Blake's hand.  J.J. reacted
to that by holding my hand.  Once we were in a boutique store, Mac ran
ahead with J.J. to find the socks.

"Who's the kid?"  Blake asked looking at me.

"Long story, but basically the work his brother is doing is pimping himself
out in the stairs to any guy who will play him for sex.  Mac waits for him
in the mall."

"And you told me that wasn't a real job!" He grinned.  "Liar!"

"It's not, and I tried to get him to stop, but I guess he didn't listen."

Mac ran back to us.  "I found them.  They're over here," he said breathing
heavier as if he'd just run a 5k race.  He grabbed Blake's hand again and
dragged him over to them.  "I like the Avengers ones!"  He said pointing to
them.

"Those are actually really cool," Blake admitted as he took them off the
hook to check them out.  "Thanks Mac.  I also like the Spiderman ones too.
Wicked cool colours."

"What about these?"  J.J. asked holding up another very colourful pair with
Moose on them.

"These are awesome!  These are better though," Blake grinned as he held up
ones with a jaguar.

"Yes!  Get those!" Mac said excitedly as he jumped around.  "They match
your tattoo."

"Wouldn't they take away from the tattoo?"  I asked logically.  "The moose
would be better as it might look as if the jaguar were hunting it."

Blake put the moose socks down by his shoes and checked how they looked.
"Yeah, that's way cool.  Okay that's three pair.  Moose, Avengers and
Spiderman."

"And these," Mac said holding up another pair.  He was certainly helpful.
"These look like runners."

"I love these!" Blake admitted.  "It would look like I was wearing shoes,
even when I wasn't.  Good eye, Mac."

"We wouldn't need shoes if we had those socks," J.J. added as he pawed
through the various colours, selecting several.

Blake picked out another pair with a burgundy strip with `Damn it' written
across it.  He then handed me another pair. "These would be good for
Colin," he laughed.  They said `old guys rule.'

"I think he'd bury you in the back yard," I replied putting them back.

"Who's Colin?"  Mac asked.

"He's my other Dad."

"You have two Dads?  Lucky!  I only have one, and he's isn't around much.
I think he likes his new wife more than my Mom now."

That certainly explains Mac seeking out older guys to latch onto.  We
didn't discuss it further as we picked out several more pairs of socks for
the boys.  Mac was holding onto a pair of Spiderman ones that were a very
different design than Blake's, but he was making no attempt to put them
back.  "Would you like those socks?"  I asked looking at him as he tried
keep helping Blake.

"I don't have no money, but I'll ask Everett to buy them for me.  He
usually gets me something for hanging out here all the time.  That's how I
got my iPad."

"I'll buy them for you for being such a help today," I offered.  His face
lit up and he thanked me with a quick hug.  We returned back to where we'd
first found Mac, and Everett was sitting waiting.

"Hey Ev!  Guess who I found?"  Mac asked as he ran up to his big brother.
Everett turned to look at me.

"Oh.  You again.  Who are the kids?"

I almost wondered who he was calling a kid considering Blake was almost a
year older.  "Nice to see you again too, Everett," I said trying to sound
polite for Mac's sake.  "These are my sons, Blake & J.J."

"Your sons, huh?"  He said looking Blake up and down and then me.  "Yeah,
I've had guys want to be my daddy too.  Dude, make sure you charge at least
20 bucks for a blowjob.  They'll pay it."

Blake grinned.  "Thanks, but he really is my dad."

"Sure.  Okay," he said skeptically.  I noticed his prices seemed to have
gone up since the last time I'd seen him.  I think blowjobs were only 10
bucks last time, but I didn't point that out.  I guess his overhead of
buying Mac things cut into his profits.

"Look what Justin got me for helping Blake find cool socks that he was
looking for," Mac said as he pulled the socks out of his bag.

"Those are cool, Mac.  But I told you dude, my brother isn't for rent."

"And as I told you, I'm not interested in renting either of you?  We just
wanted to thank him for pointing Blake & J.J. to the things he wanted.  Mac
seems to know the mall really well.  We appreciated him saving us so much
time."

"How much would you charge if I wanted to rent you?"  Blake asked staring
at Everett.

"Blake.  We don't pay guys for sex," I warned, even though I totally have.

Everett ignored me as he answered.  "I wouldn't charge you.  You're really
cute, but if he wanted join in it'd be a hundred bucks for the two of us."

Blake just chuckled and looked at me.  "Wanna give him a hundred bucks Dad,
and you can finally have me?"

"Shouldn't you give me a hundred bucks for putting up with you?" I joked.

"Wanna come over and hang out?"  Blake asked, ignoring me.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I said quickly.

"Why not?" they both said in unison, with Everett adding, "Can't afford
us?"

"Come on Dad.  We'll just hang out.  You like to go swimming?"

"I do!" Mac exclaimed.  "Do you like swimming, J.J.?"

"Yep.  I'm always in the pool.  You gotta come over and hang out," he
encouraged.  "I got some new video games you could check out."

"Cool," Mac grinned from ear to ear.

"You could use the waterslide or the trampoline," Blake offered, "or we
could just go bowling, or all play video games.

"Yeah, I can hang for a while," Everett said, agreeing to come over, then
looked at me.  "If you just wanna see me naked, I can do that for ten bucks
if you want."  That was almost cordial.

"I've seen you naked already, when you were in the stairwell.  So, how
about I just let you boys all hang out together."

I still didn't think this was a good idea, but the way Blake was looking at
Everett, I'm guessing he liked him.  We stopped and had lunch at the food
court.  Everett didn't even offer to pay for his own as you might expect.
I'm guessing when people pay to hang out with you, it becomes an
expectation.  I wondered if his ten-dollar lunch would count towards
letting me see him without clothes.  I didn't ask.

Mac was extremely excited at seeing everything the house had to offer,
Everett was less visibly enthusiastic, but I could see that behind the
forced tough guy exterior, he was enjoying himself.  Blake suggested
bowling first, and asked me if I wanted to play.  I said I'd watch, letting
Mac and J.J. form one team, while Blake and Everett formed their own.  I
unofficially joined the younger guys team, which I think Mac liked, as I
was able to help him improve his technique, which was pretty easy
considering his basic technique was the gutter ball approach.  Once we
finished, it was time for a few video games.  I made sure to drag down some
junk food and drinks for them as they played.

"Wanna go swimming?"  Blake asked after a few games had been played.  "You
can use the waterslide."

"I didn't bring no shorts," Everett replied.

"We don't need them, unless you wouldn't want to go skinny dipping, then I
could loan you a pair of mine."

"I don't care.  Whatever," he said trying to sound tough.

"I'll do the skinny dipping," Mac said.  "That's naked swimming, right?  I
never done that before.  Do you the skinny dip without clothes, J.J.?"  He
asked.  I'm guessing that was a check to see if he should be participating
with the older boys of not.

"I mostly don't wear a bathing suit when I swim here.  Just at the public
pools.  You gotta wear them there or girls gets weird and laugh at our
penises."

Obviously they've never looked at their vaginas up close.  I thought that,
but didn't verbalize it.

"The outdoor pool has the waterslide, so it's better.  Don't worry, we go
out there naked all the time," Blake assured everyone.  "No one can see
us...Except people who live here, and they don't care."

I followed the guys upstairs, and out to the pool where Mac was the first
to shuck off his clothes and leap into the water.  "Come on Ev.  It's super
warm," he yelled when he surfaced.

"Kid's a fish," Everett said with a small smile as they all undressed.
"You joining us?"  He asked staring at me.  I wasn't sure if that was an
actual invitation or a warning not to.  He has this way with words that
feel like daggers.

"Yeah!  Come on Justin.  It's fun in here!"  Mac said.

"Justin's part fish too.  Mostly how his lips look," Blake said insulting
me, as he grinned at Everett.  "It's a good thing we have two pools or I'd
never get to swim.  Come on Justin.  I bet I can finally beat you in a
race.  I've been practicing."

"Still not going to happen Blake.  I could be using a walker and still beat
you."

"Yeah right, old man!"

"I would.  I'd club you with the walker, and swim across the pool."

"THAT I believe."

I joined the guys in the pool, starting with a race with Blake.  I beat him
easily, although not as easily as when he was 10.  It won't be long before
he beats me and then my gold medal reign will be over.  Everett was a good
swimmer and even a bit faster than Blake, but I wasn't about to let him
win.  Mac on the other hand, wanted to be as good, but he was still
learning.  He wanted to race as well, so I slowed down and let him finish
close so it boosted his ego. J.J. was a bit stronger swimmer than Mac, but
it didn't seem to affect their new forming friendship.  Everett wasn't as
nice, and gave the race against Blake and his brother everything he had,
beating both of them.  When they moved to the waterslide, I lay out on a
lounger to get some sun.  Might as well keep my tan going.  Any chance to
have sun around here, you take it.  I was half asleep when I felt my chair
move and a body snuggle up against me.

I opened my eyes to find Mac wiggling in next to me and put his wet head up
near my chest.  He saw me notice him.  "Blake and Everett are busy and told
me to get lost, so I came to hang out with you."

"Where's J.J." I asked looking around.  I didn't want him to feel left out
in any way.  Jealousy can rear its head in a moment's notice and I wouldn't
want J.J. to feel like that.

"He said he's gonna suntan over there," he said pointing.

I smiled as I saw J.J. lying out, but clearly watching the older boys, who
appeared to be having about 50 bucks worth of fun together, although I had
no idea who might be paying whom.

"You have a fun house, Justin.  Can I come over more?"

"That would be up to your big brother.  I don't think he'd approve if you
just came over by yourself, but you're always welcome."

"Cool.  You got any more kids?"

"Not me, but by brother has three kids.  The twins are 5 now, and James is
9."

"I could come over and play with them.  I'm almost 10."

"I think you'd get along with James.  I'll introduce you the next time
you're over.  They're not home right now."

"Okay.  I'll ask Everett, once him and Blake are finished doing teenager
stuff.  That's how you know they're gonna be friends."

"It is huh?"

"Sure.  Everett told me all about it.  He says it's different than his job
because friends don't pay each other for that stuff.  He promised to teach
me once I'm older, and maybe I'll get to go to work with him and make
money, although I'd like to be a fireman more."

"I think you have a few years before that happens," I remarked.

"Yeah.  That's what he said too.  "I'm just supposed to enjoy being a kid
and if I need stuff to ask him or my parents for money."

"Good advice.  You have your whole life to be an adult, but only a few
years as a kid."

"Does J.J. do any of that stuff yet?"

"No.  He's basically the same age as you, so we have the same advice for
him.  Enjoy being a kid for now."

"Oh, okay.  It's just he has a boner right now, so I thought maybe he does
stuff."

"No," I grinned.  "All boys get erections. It's just your body's way of
saying it's excited about something."

"Should I get a boner then?  I'm kinda having fun being over here."

I laughed.  "Might not be a good idea while we're lying together.  Save the
boners for when you really need them."

That seemed to satisfy him for now, so I put my arm half around Mac as he
kept snuggled up against me.

"Is Everett a good brother?"  I asked curiously as I hadn't yet seen past
his `business' personality.

"He's the best.  Some of my friends have big brothers and they're always
complaining about them.  Everett is my best friend in the whole world and
he's always making sure I'm okay and we do tons of stuff together.  When
his friends complain about me tagging along, he tells them to deal with it
or fuck off.  I'm not allowed to swear, but that's what he says to them."

"That's nice.  Blake is like that with J.J. too.  Big brothers are
definitely good to have," I said as he wiggled around a bit.

"Do you have a big brother?"  He asked looking up at me with those big eyes
kids have.

"No, but I have two identical brothers.  We're all the same age.  We're
triplets."

"That's like twins, right?"

"Right, except there are three of us, not two.  Those are also the best
type of brothers."

He just smiled and rested his head on me.  I think he might have been more
tired than me as he was asleep almost instantly.  I woke up when I heard
Everett telling Mac that it was time to go.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes.  "Already?  I was still having fun, Ev."

"You were asleep," he pointed out.

"It's still more fun here than waiting around at the mall.  Think we could
come back again?"

"Probably, but we gotta get home right now.  You gonna drive us?"  He asked
staring at me.

"Sure."  I replied, trying to be nice.  I tried not to grin as Mac stood up
sporting a junior boner, probably from lying out in the sun naked.  No one
mentioned it as they headed to their clothes.  We dropped the two guys off
close to their home.  Everett was pretty insistent that we drop him at the
corner, ensuring we didn't know which house was his.  I suppose that's a
smart move for a little hustler like him.

"Everett's a cool guy, huh Dad?"  Blake said once they were gone and we
headed back home.

"You just think he's cool because he fucked you," I said with a smirk.

"You saw that, huh?"

"They could see that from space, buddy."

"I saw it Blake," J.J. announced.  "Do you like Everett?"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool, little buddy.  Did you like Mac?"

"Sure he's pretty cool.  We didn't do sex stuff, but we both like video
games and swimming."

"I think Mac likes you too.  I think he also really like you, Dad," Blake
added.

"I think Mac just likes it when someone older gives him some attention."

"Yeah, he seems clingy like that.  Hey, Ev said he thought you were hot.
You should totally do him."

"He said that?  From the way he talks to me, I doubt he likes me.  He was
probably just saying that so he could fool around with you."

"Nah.  I'd have let him fuck me even if he didn't like you," he smirked.

"Is he actually gay, or just doing it because it's good money?"

"No idea.  We don't need labels to have sex.  It's just a boy thing.  Old
guys always need to label things."

I snapped my fingers.  "That reminds me, I have to put your name into that
new underwear you bought."

J.J. chuckled from the back seat.

"DON'T YOU DARE!"  Blake laughed.  "God, imagine how embarrassing that
would be when I take my underwear off around the guys."

"So what I'm hearing is that if I put your name in your underwear, you
won't be getting naked around everyone.  Seems like a win right there."

"I know you're joking.  You'd way rather have me running around naked.  I'm
like the cute wingman to draw guys in so you can get my sloppy seconds."

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him, which isn't easy to do.  We
stopped for ice cream before heading home, which is always a winner in my
opinion.

"What rhymes with month?"  Kyle asked as we arrived home.  He was sitting
at the table looking at his laptop.

"No it doesn't!"  Blake yelled as he raced upstairs. "Can't stop!  Gotta
pee!!"

We almost didn't have time to process what he'd said, but when it hit us,
we started laughing.  "Well, he's right.  What does definitely not rhyme
with month," Kyle nodded.  "Any ideas what does though?"

"Orange," I smiled.

"What?  How does that rhyme?"

"It doesn't.  It's just another word that nothing rhymes with, so I figure
we put them together as a couple.  Orange.  Orange you glad I didn't say
banana?  Old joke."

"Maybe check the expiration date on your medication.  I think it's past
it's best before date."

"Just like Justin," Blake said as he bounced down the back stairs to get
something to drink.  "What you working on Kyle?"

"Just some writing thing."

"Oh.  Some sex thing?  Like `The mysterious dame stood at the window, the
small glow from the lit cigarette illuminating her sultry features, drawing
you to her spiderweb of deceit.  She looked out at the barren landscape
sprawled out as far as the horizon.  Her mind drawn to days gone by where
she herself wasn't as barren, making it worse by being that time of the
month, where she could not be sprawled across anything for anyone."

"Blake!" I said trying not to laugh as he said it in a voice like a
narrator.  He could be the next Morgan Freeman talking like that.

"Sorry, nothing like that, but please write that story and turn it into
your English class.  It's be interesting to see the comments," Kyle
laughed.

"Don't encourage him.  Do NOT turn in a story like that.  The last thing I
need is to be called to the principal's office to have him read it to me,
and try to explain why it's wrong."

"I had to write a story for my English class," J.J. announced.  "Mine was
about turtles."

"See, Blake.  That!  Not sultry barren dames."

"Bob the turtle was well into his second bottle of brandy, having just
found out that that the girl turtle he'd had a one-night stand with, had
given birth to 100 offspring.  He had no idea how he was going to support
them all.  Additionally feeling bad for the female, wondering how she could
possibly breast feed so many at once.  He couldn't even process the amount
of time it would take to change the diapers on that many infants.  He took
another chug of brandy and looked around for his shotgun."

J.J. giggled.  "Turtles don't wear diapers," he said quickly.  That's what
he took from that story?  Diapers?

"Please take zero on any assignments you are asked to write for English," I
suggested.  "Last thing I need is to go to therapy with you."

"Got it covered, Dad.  If they suggest therapy, I'll just come see you.
You'll get more me time that way.  Anyway, would it be wrong to create a
story that would make them pay attention?  I'm sure all the teacher are
sick of the same boring crap they get all the time.  You gotta shake up the
system.  Blow their minds, challenge their thought process.  It's not like
I'd be using swear words, but innuendos are always fun.  They use that shit
in kid's movies all the time.  Kids don't get it, but adults are laughing
their asses off.  "Her hot breath steamed up his engorged appendage like
the dew on a field of daffodils, enticing her to retrieve his nectar."

Kyle almost fell off the chair laughing.  "Holy shit Blake.  Write some of
that down and do a livestream telling your story seductively.  You'd go
viral."

"KYLE!  Seriously don't give the boy ideas."

"I glided towards him like I was on wheels.  His energy drew me in like a
powerful electromagnet, only allowing me to stop when I was a full eight
inches closer to him than anyone previously.  His furled brow, and smoking
intensity, ensured that a thank you gift would be deposited into his inner
chamber in only the briefest of moments."

"Too far," I said shaking my head.

"What? You think I'd be drawn to someone who couldn't take eight inches?
Dream on," Blake giggled as he sat next to Kyle.  "That's why Kyle and I
get along."

He put his arm around Kyle and leaned against him.

"Are you being cuddly or horny?"  Kyle asked.

"I'm just being cuddly.  If I stopped to have sex every time I got horny,
I'd miss a lot of other cool things to do.  Can't really do sex 23˝
hours everyday.  Not practical."

"Maybe just watch the Discovery channel from now on, instead of Showcase,"
I suggested.

"Good idea," Blake chuckled as he sat upright again.  "Today our team has
gathered together to explore the Mariana trench.  Our goal is to explore it
thoroughly.  Mariana has asked that we not refer to her vagina as a trench,
and insists it's not as deep as some have indicated.  Today we'll find out
for ourselves in a deep dive expedition."

"I give up," I said shaking my head before putting my arm around J.J.
"Your brother is insane.  We're still hoping he matures one day."

"Am I maturing?" J.J. asked as he looked up at me.

"You're definitely maturing J.J.  In no time at all, you'll be shaving and
driving."

"My Dad said he'd teach me that when I get older," he blurted out, bringing
us all screeching back to reality.  We'd all accepted that J.J. was our kid
now, but to him, this was still a time out from his parents.  I was just
glad we'd been keeping him busy enough that he was still relatively happy.

"I can teach you that stuff.  That's my job as the big brother," Blake
nodded as he moved to put his arm around J.J.'s other shoulder.  He got a
smile from his younger sibling.

"Blake, can I ask you something?"

"Anything, anytime, buddy," Blake assured him.

"Did I have a super giant teddy bear named Snuggles?"

Blake looked at him and then at me, as if in shock.  We all hit pause on
the world as we waited, without breathing, for Blakes reply.

"You did.  He was actually mine first, but you kept going into my room to
play with him.  Eventually you just dragged him back to your room, so I
gave him to you to keep.  He was about as tall as you are now and he sat at
the bottom of your bed.  Whenever you were sad, you'd cuddle up against him
and pull one of his giant arms around yourself.  You remember that?"

"I don't really, but the last couple of nights, I've had a dream about it.
I see him all the time and I somehow knew to call him Snuggles," he
revealed.  This was huge.  I'm talking changing the course of the entire
world, huge.  Well not that so much as just...well...huge!!

"I can't tell you how many times you dragged him from your bedroom when you
were super little.  You got to the stairs and tried to pull it behind you.
Twice he rolled forward knocking you down the stairs as it was so much
bigger than you.  Then you got smart and pushed Snuggles down the stairs
first before running after him."

"I hope I can remember all that.  I wonder where he is now?"  He asked
looking at us.

"Probably heaven with Mom, Dad and Jennifer," Blake replied bluntly.  I'm
not sure I would have answered like that, but maybe the truth is better.  I
guess the more he knows, the more it might shake loose some other memories.

"J.J. I'm happy that you remembered something, but make sure whenever
things like that happen that you don't understand, come tell us.  They may
be important to help your memories return."

"Okay.  Can I go play video games now?"  He asked, dragging us back to the
current timeline.

"Sure."

He took off and Blake just looked at me.  "That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"That's a really good thing.  It means the memories are in there and he's
starting to access them.  One thing for all of us need to get ready for is
if the memory of the fire returns.  Once that hits him, he's going to need
some counseling and therapy.  Perhaps more than I'm trained for at this
point."

"We'll all be here for him, Dad," Blake assured me.  "I was thinking,
should we maybe go and find a Snuggles bear for him.  Maybe if he has one
it'll help drag out a few more memories."

"Do you remember what it looked like?"

"Sure.  Like I said, it was mine first.  Plus, he always had it with him.
Sometimes I was talking to the bear more than J.J."

"See what you can find.  Go online and if there's one close by, we'll go
get it, if not, have it delivered."

"On it.  Kyle, if you need help with your writing thing, just let me know.
I can help you spice it up," he offered.

"I'll keep that in mind," Kyle grinned as I sat down next to him.

I think we would have continued this conversation, but Chance came home and
suggested he and Kyle go on a date tonight.

"A date?" Blake asked looking confused.  "Aren't you guys like basically
married?  You already have sex all the time, why do you need a date?  You
only date to get lucky at the end.  You guys are already lucky, so what's
the point?"

"The point is to do something romantic?"  Chance said giving Blake a hug.

"What the hell is more romantic than some hot steamy boning action,
especially while a teenager, me, takes notes and practices a few moves with
you?"

"A nice walk along the beach holding hands, kissing, watching the stars,
hugging each other as you feel your partner's heart beat sync up with
yours."

"Yeah, but you do all that so you get the other person horny and into bed.
It's basic dating 101.  You two are WAY past that part."

"Not true," Kyle said to him.  "I'm sure Colin and Justin are the same.
It's nice to go on dates no matter what your relationship.  It's fun to be
romantic instead of just serious all the time."

"I guess if you like that kinda stuff, it's pretty good.  If I'm dating a
boy, he needs to put out on the first date, or he's not a keeper.  When I
date a girl, they can take up to three dates before they put out.  Girls
are more into that romantic stuff, so it takes longer to get them ready.
Boys just wanna get laid and don't give a shit about the romance."

"Professor Blake.  Master of the relationship." I joked.

"If you need advice, make an appointment with my secretary," he said as he
got off the stool before heading upstairs to his room.

"Have a great date, guys.  Sounds like fun."

"Wait until the sun goes down and we're looking up at the stars.  If he's
really sexy romantic, I'll let him mount me right there on the beach," Kyle
grinned.

"Do you need a videographer?"

Chance laughed.  "Aren't you one of those hands-on directors?"

"Are there any other kind?"  I joked.

The next day, Blake arrived home from school with Darcy and headed to his
room without saying much, which was becoming more common as he grew up.
Parents are never cool when you're with your friends, and are the
definition of embarrassing.  You'd be less embarrassed if you got pantsed
at school on a day you went commando than being caught enjoying having a
parent around.

J.J. got home next and dropped his backpack near the door before coming
over to let me know he was home.  "I just gotta get some milk, then me and
Blake are gonna go play together," he said as he went to the fridge.  He
downed the glass of milk in one gulp, leaving himself with the required kid
moustache.  He dropped the glass in the sink, then looked at me, changed
his mind and put the glass in the dishwasher.  There's hope for this one.
He disappeared up the stairs and I was once again alone with my computer.
That's never good, as I start searching You Tube videos for something like
a new song video, and end up watching how dinosaurs were born, which leads
to watching buildings being blown up, and ending on the best recipe for
cooking porcupines.  Unfortunately, I'm a porcupinearian...I don't eat
porcupine.  All the while never actually finding the video for the song I
wanted.  Although watching boys try to go viral is hilarious.

J.J. came back down the stairs and sat down beside me hard and gave a loud
sigh.  I put my arm around his shoulder and he shuffled up against me.
"What's up J.J.?  I thought you were going to play with Blake."

"I was, but him and Darcy said they needed some private time and told me to
leave.  I know what they're doing, and I told him I knew how to do that
stuff already, but Blake just said I had to go.  Layne always let me play
with him and his friends.  He even showed me and Quinn how to do teenage
stuff so we were ready for when our bigger balls arrived.  Blake won't
teach me anything about sex at all," he said sadly as he pressed in against
me.

"I think that's because Blake is trying to protect you from growing up too
fast.  He forgets what it's like to be ten."

"It's not fair though.  I already showed him that my wiener works, but he
still won't teach me nothin'."

"Give him time to adjust to having you back.  Do you have other friends you
could play with?"

"Like play naked with?  Sure.  Me and Quinn goof around lots.  So do some
of my other friends, but not as much."  He giggled slightly to himself.

"What's so funny?"  I smiled looking down at him.

"I just remembered when we all had a sleepover in Pierce's back yard.  They
have this super big tent that we all fit into.  We dared each other to show
our penises and measure who was bigger.  Karl won.  But while we were doing
it, I guess we got too loud because Pierce's Dad came out and caught us.
We all dove into our sleeping bags figuring we were in super bad trouble."

"Were you?"

"No, he just laughed and told us to keep the noise down and not let his
mother catch us, as girl's wouldn't understand.  We didn't do nothing else
after that though.  I think it freaked us all out."

"At least your friends aren't shy around each other.  That's always nice.
It means you can talk to each other about anything.  Once Blake & Darcy are
done, I'm sure they'll come down to play with you after that.  Sometimes
teenagers just need time with guys their age."

"I know.  That's what Layne said too, but he never yelled at me to get out.
Most times he let me watch.  Once in a while he'd let his friend's tickle
my penis.  I like how that feels, but I'm super ticklish."

"I'm sure you can still have fun with your own friends.  Meanwhile you and
Blake just have to develop your brother bond slowly as you're both still
adjusting.  Have you had any new memories yet from when you were younger?"

"I don't think so, but I don't know.  Sometimes I have dreams that don't
make sense, and Blake is sometimes there."

"Most dreams don't make sense," I nodded, "but if you ever want to talk
about them, I'm happy to listen, and maybe involve Blake since he's in the
dream.  Maybe he could make sense of some of it, like he did with the teddy
bear."

"Cool.  Good idea.  Any idea why he'd be riding a penguin through the mall
looking for donuts?"

"Nope.  Can't think of a single reason, but half the things Blake does are
confusing," I laughed as I gave him a bit more of a hug.

"What do I do that's confusing?"  Blake said as he and Darcy appeared from
the stairs.

"Live," I replied without missing a beat, then continued.  "J.J. just had a
dream that you were riding a penguin through the mall in search of donuts.
He wondered why."

"I was probably hungry and they were likely out of tigers.  I'm not allowed
to have one, so they probably took them all out of the mall when they knew
I was coming," he said as he and Darcy stood there, still fully naked from
their `teenage play time'.  "Wanna come swimming with us J.J.?  You can
stand on our shoulders and we'll see how far we can throw you."

"Cool!  Yeah!" He said scrambling off the sofa and joining them.  At ten
you're easily amused.  At 14 you're also easily amused; it just usually
involves an erection.

The next day, after school, Colin and Blake arrived home at the same time,
talking rapidly to each other as they approached.

"What's got you two so excited?"  I asked as Colin gave a hug and kiss.

"Nothing," Blake grinned.  "You'll see soon enough."

"I'll see `nothing' soon enough?  Seems cryptic."

"Blake's working on a project, and he pitched me his proposal at work
today. It was a pretty thorough prospectus."

"And we're gonna do it," Blake blurted out.

I still wasn't any wiser as to what they were up to, and they weren't
volunteering any more information.  "Just so we're clear, I'm not manning
some lemonade stand or selling cookies outside Wal-mart.  Nor will I
voluntarily be used as a human trial for something."

"I gotta go work on some designs," Blake said as he raced up the stairs at
full speed.

"Designs?  Is he starting his own clothing line?"  I asked looking at
Colin, hoping for some additional information.

"No.  I'd tell you but he really wants it to be a secret.  The only reason
he told me is he needed my help to make it happen."

"Well I'm not selling vacuums door to door if that's the plan.  I don't
care if he invents one better than a Dyson."

"If he invents one that good, I'll sell them door to door," Colin joked as
he gave me another hug and kiss.  That could be my stage name.  Please
welcome Miss Huggin Kiss, which is not to be confused with my online
camming name Max Bonehard.  Wonder if you can combine them.  Miss Max
Huggin Kiss Bonehard.

I soon forgot about Blakes project.  If I worry about everything that kid
gets up to, it'll make me neurotic.  Best to let him do his thing and go
down with the bail money afterward.

The next morning we were all gathered for breakfast.  I'd like to believe
it was a coincidence that we'd all migrated there together, but we'd been
invited to the family breakfast by Colin, which was nice.  He'd even done
the cooking for it.  The smell of the homemade waffles and bacon was music
to my nose.  Is that a saying?  I think it has potential if it's not.

"Good morning, boys!  Today is special.  It's spring cleaning time," Colin
announced as he dropped a mountain of bacon on the table.

Like I'm spring cleaning anything.  I remember my mom saying that when we
were kids, and that pretty much eliminated the entire weekend for me and
Jason, as we were put to work cleaning and scrubbing anything and
everything.  Don't we have people for that?  Like seriously cute, half
naked people most of the time?  I sometimes throw things on the floor in
front of them just to watch them bend over.  If that's what he's referring
to, I'm in.  If not, as soon as this bacon is done, I'm out.  But as long
as we have bacon, I'll listen to his ideas.  I think we all groaned out
loud as he said it though.

"What's the spring-cleaning plan?" I asked trying to be supportive, but
secretly rolling out plans for a coup.

"We're updating the everyday cars and getting rid of some of collectibles
that aren't holding their value," he announced.

"Like which ones?"  Blake asked.

"For starters, the Aventador.  Not a fan of that one anymore.  We'll
replace it with the one Justin mentioned.  The Sian.  It's a powerful
hybrid.  I think that's a good image to go for.  Blake, the Gallardo is
yours, but I think we can do better.  Would you like to trade it in for
something else?"

"Ummm...do I get to pick?"

"Yes."

"Can I have the Batmobile?  The Ankonian?"  He said sitting upright with
interest.

"Nice," I laughed as I high-fived him.  "Dumping the three
hundred-thousand-dollar car for the three million dollar one.  "Looks like
we know which part of you he takes after," I said looking at Colin.

"You can, or you can pick another car.  I've seen a few that would be nice
for the collection, other than the Sian.  There's the Bugatti Divo,
Centodieci, & Bolide's that we don't have.  I have ordered the La Voiture
Noire already just so you know.  J.P., I think we should upgrade the
Hellcat.  You like that car, or you want to look for something different?"

"I like my car.  I don't think I need to upgrade or anything.  It's just
fine as it is."

"We don't want it to depreciate too far.  How about we just upgrade it to a
newer model of the same car?"

"I'd be okay with that, but I still think it's fine as it is," J.P. assured
him.  "Do we just trade it in when we buy a new one?"

"No, that's a sure way to lose value.  The trade-in is a big scam.  I have
a guy who will get top dollar for the vehicles we're done with.  I already
have a buyer for the Aventador.  He's going to give us $500,000 for it, so
we make a small profit, which is always preferable."

"If I remember, you paid $430,000 for it?"

"Right.  Like I said.  We make a small profit selling it privately.  I've
also got a bid out on a 1969 Pontiac GTO.  Nothing like a good old American
classic."

"Holy shit!" Troy said as he was looking up the vehicles that Colin was
announcing.  "That Bugatti La Voi... thingy whatever is 12 million bucks.
No way I'd be driving that to classes."

"Can't get a good Bugatti for under a couple million," Blake said as if
that were the most obvious statement ever.  "I wouldn't mind the Divo.
That's a cool looking car.  Only 5 mil too," he said nodding his head as
they looked at the screen.

"Well, let's get two then," I said sarcastically.

"We wouldn't need two," Colin replied.  I seriously need to host sarcasm
classes for everyone.  Maybe when you're rich sarcasm doesn't seem
sarcastic.  I'll do research and get back to you on it.  "But I think we
could grab all three models of the Bugatti.  There's a Centodieci available
for 9.7 but it's white.  Not my favorite colour for a car, but it would
stand out since we don't have another white vehicle in the collection."

I'm doing the math in my head as fast as I can, and just with the Bugatti's
we're already dropping over 25 million.  For that kind of money we could
easily buy 1200 average cars and give them to the starving kids in Africa
to help them get to the grocery store easier.  I've seen those
documentaries where they walk for hundred of miles to get a loaf of bread
and a pound of salt.

"How are the three Maserati's doing?"  He asked us.

"Fine," J.P. replied.  "Although I don't really need two cars, so I could
sell it."

"Mine is fine too," Jason added with me agreeing.  "I think we'd like to
keep them."

"Maybe we'll revisit that again when the new Electric Gran Turismo's come
into production.  Justin, we should sell the BMW.  I was thinking if Ben's
not too attached to the Tesla yet, you could have that one, and we'd buy
him the Tesla Roadster to replace it.  I think we need a few four door
vehicles to get the kids places, but I'm sure Ben wouldn't object to the
roadster."

"I could make do," he replied with a grin, trying to sound like he didn't
care, but from the look on his face as he checked out the new Roadster
online, I'd say he was thrilled at the idea.  Like who wouldn't?  I checked
those out when we got the Model X.  The price tag on the Roadster was
another couple hundred thousand dollars more expensive.  I can't see how he
wouldn't attract attention in a car worth over $300,000.  Little dude is
getting laid!  "But I agree with the other guys, the cars we have are more
than fine.  We don't need to change them yet."

"We do.  The longer you hold a daily runabout vehicle, the more it
depreciates, so you find the optimum time to sell to minimize your loss.
The only time that isn't the case is if you can hold onto it long enough
for it to become a collector's item, which is usually 20 years.  Not worth
the storage costs on most vehicles."

"You're the expert, so we follow your lead," I said quickly to everyone.
This was Colin's passion.  Some people love going to the hardware store, or
out camping.  Colin is like a chick with her shoe shopping, except he does
it with cars, coming back with several at a time.  Usually telling me how
much of a deal he got on them.  We don't need them, but it was such a good
deal that we saved a ton.  You do know that if you don't need something,
and don't buy it, you save 100% of the cost, right?  You don't go out and
buy a left-handed vacuum and announce you've saved two hundred bucks on it,
when you don't need a vacuum at all...and you're right-handed!

 "I'm guessing this is our new approach, to get everything electric?" Troy
surmised.

"No, not everything, but I think where we can, we swap to electric, or
hybrid.  I wouldn't change the vehicles we use for long road trips to fully
electric just yet.  At least not until there are more charging stations.
It's coming along, we're still a few years away.

"Let's get a cyber truck!"  Blake exclaimed.

"No.  It's an interesting vehicle, but I'm not a fan of the overall look,"
Colin replied quickly.  I had to agree with him on that.

"Troy, your Mustang is overdue for an upgrade.  Have you been looking at
other vehicles?"

"If you want to stick with electric then currently there's the Mustang
Mach-E."

"I've seen those.  Is that something you'd want?"  Colin said quickly.

"No, not really.  If you're gonna own a muscle car, it should have some
actual muscle.  Ideally, I'd wait for the Mustang Lithium to come out.
That shit is lit, but it's just in concept form now.  It's supposed to be
able to out power even the Shelby GT500.  I'd still like a muscle car to
sound like a muscle car though.  I'm a huge fan of the GT500 or the
Bullitt.  I love it when we take out the Lambo's, but I also kinda like not
having a big crowd around my vehicle when I try to drive away."

"True.  So which way are you leaning?  Bullitt or Shelby?"

"Probably the Shelby.  The Bullitt is cool and an extremely close second,
but for power, the Shelby blows it away. 760 horses baby and a seven speed
tranny."

"I heard Kurt has a seven-speed tranny too.  Apparently loves it," Chance
joked, getting a laugh from those of us in the know.  "Too soon?"

"So we trade the GT for the Shelby.  Done.  Kyle?"

"I've been thinking of getting rid of the Sport Trak.  It's getting a bit
small for everything we do now, plus it's getting on in years.  Chance and
I have talked about it, but we aren't sure we want to spend the money yet.
We're still investing to have money to run Kyle Air after I graduate, and
be able to move into the penthouse."

"What vehicle were you looking at?"

"I was thinking the RAM 1500 which has great towing power for a trailer,
which we'll need down the road, or the Ford 150 Limited.  We haven't
decided yet.  Chance has just been borrowing vehicles from here, when he
needs one, but that's another expense we'll have when we move.  We'll have
to get a second vehicle."

"So let's do that.  Pick which truck you want and we'll get that done
today.  Chance, what vehicle gives you a boner?"

"The limited-edition Kyle with manual stick, probably," Troy laughed.

"He's not wrong," Chance replied.  "I'm fine with anything.  We've mostly
been researching something small just to blast around the city in.  I'd go
electric, but the penthouse garage doesn't have chargers."

"You forget.  I own the building, so don't let that stop you.  I'll install
them.  In fact we've already retrofit several buildings with charging ports
in the parking lots."

"How does that work?  Who pays for all that electricity?"  Kyle asked.

"The owner/tenant.  We add it to their monthly strata or rental fee.  If
they don't have an electric vehicle, we don't charge for it.  Each port has
an access code to avoid others just stealing the power."

"Then I'd definitely look into an EV or Hybrid," Chance remarked.

"There's the Cadillac CT6," Colin suggested.

"Not really a Cadillac guy.  Plus that's a little out of range for price.
I'm thinking more like the Austin Mini.  I could park it anywhere and it's
only $30,000 new, or used I can get one for 20, maybe 22."

"Too small.  It'd be like riding in a tin can.  Take a look at the Jaguar
I-Pace?"  Colin suggested.

"Nice car," Kyle commented as we got it up on the laptop.  "Good range on
the charge.  Almost 400km.  What do you think of that one?"

"Yes, it's nice, but it's also like 78 grand.  All I'd need is a cheap car
to run around the city in.  If we're living downtown, it's mostly gonna
just be parked.  Plus if we go anywhere, we'd be using the truck."

"Okay, what about the BMW i3, has full electric or hybrid models, or even
the Mustang Mach-E that Troy mentioned.  They're both under $50k, but I'm
thinking the Jaguar is way cooler.  One last option.  Take a look at the
Volvo Polestar 1.  That's hybrid," Colin said as he thumbed through his
phone.  We pulled that up on the laptop."

"Nice.  I actually think that looks better than the Jaguar," Kyle
commented.

"It should," Chance added as he pointed to the screen.  "It's 189,000."

"Check the Karma Revero GT.  Made in California, so you know it's got style
and class," Colin said as he continued the search for a vehicle for Chance.

"It probably has a tan, and can surf too," I joked.  "What's that one
worth?"

"158," Blake announced as he looked it up.

"You know we're going the wrong way, right?" Chance announced, smiling.
"Colin's idea of an all-purpose car to run around in is anything under a
million."

"Not true.  I'd run around in the Veyron, and that was over two mil," Colin
said to correct Chance.  Not sure that's helping.

"We could just get a used Prius," Kyle said as we continued to look up
hybrids.

"Out!  Pack up and get out!  No one that lives here will drive a Prius,"
Colin said quickly. "If I even see one parked on the property, I'll drive
it into the back yard and off the cliff into the ocean."

"We can do it Thelma and Louise style," J.P. laughed.

"Maybe we can wait and decide later on," Chance suggested.  Why don't we
all take time to figure out what we'd like and how much money we have to
spend on a car?"

Colin went around and patted Chance on the shoulder.  "Shopping is half the
fun.  Plus we have to go today.  I have a couple of surprises waiting.  You
need a vehicle; we'll get you a vehicle."

"I like surprises," J.J. said suddenly joining in.  He'd been quietly
sitting beside Blake as the cars were being pulled up.

"Then you'll enjoy today.  Maybe you can test drive some of the vehicles
with us," Colin suggested. "Which car do you like?"

"I like them all.  Mostly I think they're cool," he said with big wide-eyed
excitement.

"They ARE cool!" Colin agreed.  "Alex.  You're up next.  You're still
driving the Corvette.  How about we get something else since you've had
that a while."

"I like the Vette," he replied.  "Plus we just bought the SUV to handle
when we all go out together.  We're not really the car collectors that you
are.  We have the four vehicles, so that's more than enough."

"Four?"  SUV, the Maserati, your Corvette and?"

"The Lexus.  I think it's the LS500 Sport edition," Alex replied.

"Shit, that's right.  I forgot about that car.  We did have a white one in
the collection," Colin said snapping his fingers.  Yeah, that's a nice car
for everyday use.  Okay, well if everyone has their plans, lets go buy some
cars. Let's use the SUV's and sedans to go shopping.  We don't want to be
pulling up in the Veneno or the McLaren.

It felt like a break out of a huddle you see in football as we all rushed
off to get what we needed for the day.  Our first stop was to a luxury car
dealer, and the 14 of us piled out of the vehicles like we were ready to
loot the place.  A couple of ski masks and we'd be complete.  We barely had
the car doors closed before a salesman came out of the building looking
larger than life.

"Mr. Worthington!  A pleasure to see you again.  And who are all these
beautiful people with you?"  This guy wasn't even trying not to look like a
suck up.

"This is the family.  My husband Justin," he said holding my hand, "and
sons Blake and J.J."

"Welcome.  Welcome all!"  He gushed.  "I have your new cars in the showroom
ready for your inspection.  Would you like to take them for a test drive
before you take possession?"

"I think the guys would like that," Colin nodded.

"What cars?"  I asked.

"I ordered these a while ago," he replied as we all headed inside the
building where three amazing cars were displayed in the main showroom.

"Please allow me," the boot licking sales guy said to Colin.  "This is the
Aspark Owl.  A limited edition electric vehicle from Japan with a range of
approximately 450 kilometres in a single charge.  All wheel drive and
listed as the fastest acceleration vehicle in production.  Only 50 have
been produced so this truly is a collector's car.  The second vehicle is
the Lamborghini Sian.  Their first foray into a hybrid vehicle."

"I bought this as soon as you mentioned it," Colin grinned looking at me.
"It's unique enough to be interesting."

"It's so pretty.  I love that green gold colour," I beamed as I looked it
over.

"You're such a fag," he whispered in ear playfully.

"That's why you married me," I replied proudly.

"This is the FKP 37 model and boasts 807 horsepower.  Also a limited
production vehicle."  He opened up the doors so we could look inside.

"Now that's a car!"  Chance exclaimed as we looked it over.

"Can I go in it?"  J.J. asked as he was half inside already.

"Sure, check it out," Colin nodded.  J.J. scrambled in the driver's seat
with Blake getting in the passenger side and letting James, Travis and
Trevor take turns as well.  You could see the salesperson almost having a
heart attack at kids swarming all over the vehicle that he no doubt spent
hours polishing to get ready for us to pick up.  He's gonna just have to
take extra Valium once we leave.

While your family is inspecting the first two vehicles," the salesman said,
"your final vehicle for today is the Lotus Evija.  This is also a full
electric vehicle with a projected range of 400 kilometres.  This vehicle
will not go into production for another couple of years yet, so I must say
Mr. Worthington, we are all rather impressed at your ability to have
procured one."

"I have my sources," Colin grinned.  "The deal I have with Lotus is that
I'll drive this early version prototype and provide my feedback on it.
Then when production begins, we'll return this and they'll send me the new
one with the updated features."

"That would certainly explain the undervalued price tag on it," he nodded.

"They have the list on it at just under 3 million, but I picked it up for
half that on the condition that we really run it through it's paces," Colin
explained.

Oh good.  For a moment there I thought we were paying a lot for a car.
We've managed to get this at a throwaway rate of 1.5 million.  Good for us.
I'm not even gonna bother identifying that as sarcasm, it's not like anyone
here would get it anyway.

"Which one would you like to test drive first, Mr. Worthington?"

"We'll take them all out at once.  The guys can test drive them while you
and I finish the paperwork to get them delivered to the house."

"Very good sir.  I'll have the team take the vehicles out of the showroom
for you."

"No need.  Just slide the doors open.  They maneuver smaller spaces than
this at home getting the vehicles onto the elevator at home," Colin assured
him before turning to our entourage.  "We'll take them all out for test
drives.  I know everyone will want to drive or ride along, but don't worry
if you don't.  You'll have plenty of time at home since all three will be
delivered this week."

Chance was the first up to drive the Lamborghini and the smile on his face
seemed to indicate that he might even be willing to trade Kyle in for this
car.  James won the chance to be his passenger through the diplomatic
decision of rock, paper, scissors with the other boys.  Troy took the
Aspark Owl, with passenger J.J. while J.P. was first to test drive the
Lotus with Blake as his co-pilot.  Then the tears started from Trevor and
Travis, with Jason and Alex assuring them that they'd get a turn next.  The
only way that could be worse would have been if one twin was allowed to go,
and not the other.  Twins don't like that.  I'm still holding a grudge from
Jason getting laid at 14 and not telling me about it.  I shared Alex with
him, so he owes me.  Although in fairness, he did give me Colin, so maybe
we're even.

As we watched the vehicles leave the showroom, the others wandered off to
check out the other vehicles around the dealership as Colin and I headed
for the salesman's office.  I learned at that point that we were dealing
with the general manager, not just some salesman.  He was still general
manager mister kiss butt in my opinion, but I guess he got to where he is
by being good at selling these types of vehicles.

"Once you sign off on the vehicles, we can have them delivered to you this
week," he said as we sat down and he handed over the documents for each
vehicle.  I took a look at the Lamborghini and tried not to react at the
price tag on the bill of sale.  You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but
4.8 million?  Come on.  This is getting out of hand stupid.  We seriously
have to have close to a hundred million dollars worth of cars by now.  One
of these days I'm going to have to check what our insurance rates are for
all this.  But it's Colin's hobby so who am I to interfere.  My hobby is
collecting the cherries of cute boys.  Preferably nervous straight blond
ones.  I haven't got to a hundred million yet, but I'm working up to it.

Colin signed the papers as I checked out the Aspark Owl after he'd finished
with the file.  Another car worth over 4 million.  I'm guessing we're done
with the cheap $300,000 cars now.  Maybe that's what distinguishes
millionaires from billionaires.  I'll have to look into that.  The two of
them arranged a delivery time and completed the paperwork.

"Are you looking at any other vehicles that I might be able to assist you
in procuring, Mr. Worthington?"

Jesus, why doesn't he just hump Colin's leg and get it over with?  I'm
willing to bet if I told this guy to drop his pants and bend over his desk,
he'd do it.  Gross.  Not that I'd ask him for that.  Yuck!

"I'd like you to find me the Bugatti Centodieci Sport in white with black
trim, and the Maybach Exelero. Black is fine for that one."

"Those are fine choices, sir.  The Exelero may prove difficult to obtain as
there was only one made as a concept car.  The last reported sale of that
was for over $10,000,000 Canadian.  The Centodieci will be an easier
purchase despite the limited production, but if I'm not mistaken, the price
tag could top ten million as well."

"That's fine.  Just ensure that it is in mint condition before we purchase.
Let me know if you need resources to help to get these for me."

"Before we enter into negotiations on a vehicle held by another collector,
we always send an appraiser to check the vehicle.  This ensures that the
vehicle we receive is in the same condition, or it nullifies the sale.  Do
you have an upper limit on the purchase price for the Exelero?"

"See what it'll sell for and let me know.  I'll advise whether to proceed
or not," Colin said definitively.

We all headed outside to join the others as we checked out the luxury
vehicles on the lot.  Mostly peasant stuff.  Those 300-500 thousand dollar
cars I was mentioning earlier.  Some Ferraris, Lambos, Rolls, and Porsches.
Just for the record, I'd be happy with any of them but when you're with a
collector like Colin, you don't want to seem like some homeless bum that'd
settle for poser cars.

One by one the vehicles returned and the drivers and passengers swapped
around.  The twins finally got a car of their choice and the test drives
continued.  It was about a half an hour before we were done and returned
the cars to the manager to prepare for delivery.

"Let's go swap out those other vehicles," Colin announced.  "The Chrysler
dealer first.  We're looking for the RAM 1500 for Kyle and the Hellcat for
J.P."

We picked the nearest dealership and headed there.  I'm guessing this isn't
normally how Colin shops for vehicles, but I find this more fun than the
super luxury car dealers.  I always feel like I have to act pretentious
there.

You could see the difference almost immediately as we parked on the street
beside the dealership instead of pulling into the lot.  This was a Colin
thing so they didn't immediately judge you.  I'm guessing the 14 of us
including the four kids, five if you add Blake to that count, wouldn't
factor in to the judging thing.

"Howdy folks," a guy said as he came out of the showroom to greet us.

"Howdy," James grinned, getting into the lingo immediately.

"You looking for something for the family today?"

"Kyle," Colin said giving him the lead.

"I've been looking at the RAM 1500.  What have you got in that model?"

"Are you looking of new or used?" He asked.  So it begins.  The first
judgement.  Okay, maybe I'm over sensitive on that one.  I guess it's a
fair question to know which lot to take us to.

"New."

"We do have several on the lot.  Any particular colour you've been eying?"

"I'm thinking black.  Way cooler.  Gives it a don't fuck with me vibe."

"I hear ya.  I hear ya," he nodded as he directed us around the side of the
lot.  Did anyone else notice the echo there?  Helloo...helloooo!  I didn't
say it out loud, of course, but I'm sure there's an echo.

This is one of our finest models.  The RAM 1500.  This one is grey, but
it's a fine machine."

"Is it fully loaded?"  Kyle asked.

"Not with every available feature, but certainly enough to let you feel the
luxury of this vehicle.  A good solid truck with all the power you need on
the outside and the luxury on the inside."

"What's the list on this?"

"We're under $45,000 for this model.  Would you be looking to trade in a
vehicle?"

"Haven't decided yet.  We're looking for the right model and features
before we decide anything further," Kyle replied having been to the Colin
school of vehicle purchasing.  "Do you have the TRX model with the Hellcat
6L?"

"We do, but that one jumps into a whole other price range.  You're talking
double the price of this vehicle."

"It's over here!"  Alex yelled as he wandered around with the twins in tow.

"Sweet!"  Kyle nodded as he took Chance by the hand and headed over.  I was
almost amused by the look on the salesman's face.  You could hear him
thinking that we were just a family out for a day of checking cars to get
the kids excited, and wasting his time.  He needs to be careful because one
false move and Colin will pull the plug on this guy, and head over to
someone he's dealt with before.  Right now, he was just going along with us
to have fun.

"This is the one I want.  It's too bad they didn't make it in the 2500,"
Kyle said as we walked around it.  There were two to choose from.  One red,
the other black.  "Are these the same?"  Kyle asked.

"Apart from colour, they're identical," the man replied.

"I thought you wanted more space.  This is about the same size as the truck
we have," Chance commented quickly.

"It is, but the RAM has a much better cab design and more features.  Plus,
the hellcat engine will give us more power to pull the trailer when we need
it.  Can we take a look inside them?"

"I can get the keys for you," he replied.  I could almost hear the sighing
at having to deal with us, but so far he was staying professional.

"Where do you have the Chargers?"  J.P. asked him.

"On the other side," he said pointing.

"That's where I'll be," he beamed as he took off with Ben and Troy.  I left
Kyle and the others to their truck and followed J.P.  I like cars more than
trucks to be honest.

"Lots of base models.  Like the one I have already, just newer," he said as
we walked around the selection.  Suddenly he had some sort of episode, and
I didn't know if he needed Narcan, an EpiPen, or defibrillator.  At the
least, it would be a 9-1-1 call.  "Holy Shit!  It's a Hellcat Redeye!  I'm
in love.  Stand back boys, I'm about to pop!"

"Why get a boyfriend when you can have the car," Ben joked as we all
swarmed to the car.  I have to admit it was a big improvement over the
Charger he currently had.  I wondered if the only difference between the
Hellcat and the Hellcat Redeye was the actual badge on it with the red eye.
I'm assuming not.  J.P. was all over the car looking in, over and under it.
I don't crawl over horny virgin boys this intensely, but I do look under
their hood first.  J.P. hadn't done that yet.

"This one.  Oh my god.  This is my dream car.  Wonder what the sticker is
on this," he said looking in the window.

"Probably just an inventory barcode," I replied, assuming he was talking
about an actual sticker.

They all laughed.  "I think he means the price," Troy said patting me on
the back.

I jumped as a horn went off behind me, and we turned to see what was
happening.  Kyle waved to us from the truck as he drove by.  I'm assuming
this is either a test drive, or someone will start yelling to run for the
cars as we make a break for it.  The salesman approached us with the other
guys, so I'm assuming all was still calm.

"Are you finding a vehicle you like?" He asked when he was close enough.
He had a bit of an amused smile on his face as he watched J.P. basically
fondling the car inappropriately.  The only thing he wasn't doing was
licking it, but I give that another five minutes.  After that, I expect
we're gonna be lubing up the tailpipe for these two to get better
acquainted.

"This one.  This is the one I want," J.P. said almost to the point of
drooling.  So much for don't show a lot of interest to get a better price.
With this performance, we'll be paying full retail plus 50% and be agreeing
to date his homely daughter.

"An impressive machine.  The Dodge Charger Hellcat Widebody Redeye.  6.2
litre V8 engine offering up 707 horses.  Now available with 13 exterior
colour options.  Did you have a preference of colour?"

"This one.  Black!  Black with black leather seats and the red seatbelts.
A wicked look.  How much?"

"This one will run over a hundred thousand," he replied bluntly.  The base
models of the Charger can be much more economical at around thirty-five
thousand."

"Who wants that?"  J.P. almost snarked back at him.  "If you're gonna get
laid, this is the car for that."

Ben laughed.  "Dude, with your looks, you're gonna need more than the
hellcat."

"HEY!" Both Jason and I said simultaneously, as we came to J.P.'s rescue.

Half the guys laughed.  "Sorry," Ben said chuckling.

"I'd like to test drive it, please," J.P. said almost hopping around like
he needed a pee or something.

"I'm sorry sir.  Test drives are limited on the Hellcat I'm afraid."

"Limited to what?"  Colin asked bluntly.  Please don't say `to those that
can afford it.'  This could be blunder number two for this guy.

"Age.  Our insurance only covers those over 25, due to the value of the
vehicle."

"I'd suggest getting a better insurance policy.  Fine, I'll test drive it.
J.P., you can come with me," Colin said pulling out his license and handing
it to the man.  Finally, my older, wiser, and hotter husband could use his
advancing age of 28 for good.  I almost couldn't help but smile when the
salesman calculated Colin's age in his head and knew he'd been beaten.

"I'll just have to get the manager to release the vehicle."

"Thank you.  We'll wait here," Colin said.  I think the salesman figured we
might have backed down or something.  Is he kidding?  We're here for some
fun.

We continued to check out all the other vehicles around us, with the boys
loving every second of it, especially when they found one unlocked and
climbed in.  We should have let them have cotton candy and ice cream before
we set them off exploring.  The salesman returned with the keys.

"I'll have to go with you due to the type of vehicle," he said as he handed
Colin the key.  J.P. didn't miss the opportunity to take advantage of the
key in close proximity to the vehicle and opened all the doors to jump
inside.

"That won't be necessary.  I'll leave the family here as collateral," he
said half joking.  Please tell me he's joking and he's not planning on
running off with J.P. and leaving us here to be sold at auction.  I mean
he's already had Jason and me, maybe he's a collector of triplets too.

"It was a condition of the manager," he replied seeming like a half apology
and half `you're not joy riding in this car' approach.

"Well, I don't test drive a car with a salesperson buzzing around in my
ear.  How about getting the manager out her?"

"I'll just have to take the keys back.  Sorry," he said looking a little
nervous.  Probably not nervous at pissing us off, but nervous because if
something went wrong with the test drive, he'd be on the hook for it.

J.P. was still inspecting the Hellcat with the detail of a jeweler over a
rare diamond shipment as we waited.  The manager came out with the salesman
and once again explained their policy.  Colin moved him aside and spoke in
low tones.  I saw him pull out his wallet and hand the manager his business
card, which was followed by the manager pulling out his phone quickly.  He
looked through it frantically and then at Colin.  Then it happened.  The
Worthington privilege kicked in, as it always does at some point.  I'm just
really surprised that Colin used it this early.  I mean he LITERALLY played
the Worthington card.  Don't we usually get to the negotiation, and then
walk out when the salesman tried to rob us blind?  Maybe Colin figured we
had a long day of car buying ahead and didn't want to fuck around.

"Mr. Worthington is fine to take the vehicle out," the manager announced to
his salesman as they returned.  The keys were handed over, and Colin
immediately tossed them to J.P.

J.P. grabbed them and then his face lit up even more.  "Holy shit!  The red
key!!  Oh my god.  I think I'm gonna have an orgasm."

"You're gonna have an orgasm over the colour of a key?  You're easy to
please," Ben laughed.

J.P. held it up and waved it at him.  "You don't understand...it's the RED
KEY!"

"Sir, he needs to be 25," the salesman repeated, looking absolutely stunned
at the new turn of events.  I love that look.  I'll call it whipped puppy
syndrome.  Now I make a whip noise to emphasize my point.

"He'll be fine, won't he?"  Colin asked looking at the manager.

"Of course sir.  Take your time.  Get out on the highway and really feel
the power of the engine."

"Out on what highway?" I asked, almost to myself.  We're not exactly known
for freeways around here.  I'm sure we'd find a big enough road somewhere
though.  I wonder if we know enough people to let us use the airport
runways for an hour or so?

J.P. and Ben jumped in the front seats, with Troy and Blake climbing in
back.

"You realize we might never see them again," I joked as I held Colin's
hand.

"He's joking," Colin assured the salesmen.  "Mostly."

"Why was J.P. going on about a key?" I asked.

"The regular key unlock basic power functions of the Hellcat.  The Red key
unlocks it all.  Something like going from 500 horsepower to the full 707.
He'll hit the gas and probably give himself whiplash."

"And we put others in there with him?  That's gonna be hard to explain at
our conspiracy to commit murder trial."

"Again...someone's being a drama queen.  Have no idea why you'd worry babe.
We have great lawyers."

I stared at him to make sure we were still joking about this.

Kyle returned a short while later and the salesman seemed flummoxed.
That's confused, but with more flum.  "How was that ride for you?"

"Nice.  Love it better than the Sport Trac.  Only decision now is black or
red," Kyle replied.

"I like Red," Travis said as he looked up at us.

"Nuh uh!" Trevor said quickly.  "Black is better looking."

"Red is like a fire engine," Travis rebutted as if that would sell the
whole thing.

"Boys, why don't you let Uncle Kyle and Chance decide what they like.  I'm
sure they'll let you ride in whichever one they choose.

"I'm leaning towards the black.  It's got that `don't fuck with me' look
that I like," Kyle said as he looked at it.  "What do you like?"  He asked
Chance.

"Personally, I'm for the red.  It's got some style to it, but it's your
truck.  I say go with what makes you most excited."

"Honestly I like them both.  Red with the black trim like that has some
character to it.  Can I take a minute to really look them over?"

"Take all the time you need.  I'll be here when you're ready," he replied.
I have a feeling he still wasn't convinced we were serious, but from the
way he'd seen his manager cave in to Colin, I'm guessing he was smart
enough to know something was different about us.

Kyle stood looking at both trucks and wandered around and around and
around, to the point I was the one getting dizzy.  The interiors appeared
identical to me, so I'm guessing it really all did come down to the
exterior colour.  "Colin, what do you think?"  Kyle asked getting advice
from the expert.

"I say you figure out which one would make you excited to drive it every
day, and go with that."

"That's no help.  They'd both do that.  The more I look at them, the more I
think the red one might be the way to go.  If it was just all red, I'd go
with black for sure, but this has the black grille, the black on the hood
and trim.  It's got that `something' to make it stand out.  We'd have to
sell the Sport Trac first to afford it properly though.  I can't imagine
this is less than a hundred grand."

Probably not, but don't worry about that.  I'm buying these, so if this is
what you want, let's get it done."

"I can't ask you do that," Kyle replied quickly.

"I know, and you didn't ask.  It's a done deal."

Kyle knew better than to argue with Colin over money, so he just gave him a
hug instead, followed by Chance.  Then the twins figured it seemed like a
good thing, so they joined in.  James and J.J. just looked at each other
and shrugged.  I guess they're at that age where hugging a parent in public
is bad, but in private is still required.

We figured we'd wait for J.P and the others to return before going to
negotiate.  Colin said we'd have better bargaining power if we decided to
buy both at once.  From J.P.'s excitement, I can't imagine he'd have found
a reason not to still want it, especially now that he'd driven it.

Sure enough, when they finally got back, I'm sure all four guys had boners.

"Sic fucking car!" J.P. said as soon as they'd all jumped out.  Makes my
current Charger look like a scooter.  We checked the list on this while we
were out, and it's around $104,000 with all the same options."

"That's a good price.  Not far off what I'd expect the truck to be," Colin
nodded.  "So have you decided?  These are the vehicles?"

"I'm good with it.  Both of them have hellcat engines, so we're gonna be
burning up the streets with these bad boys," Kyle grinned as he and
J.P. fist bumped.

"I'd want the hellcat if I had to sell body parts to get it," J.P. said in
his usual indecisive way.  That's more sarcasm.

"Then let's go buy a couple Hellcats.  That could be your gang name," Colin
joked.

"Come on Hellcat, lets go negotiate," J.P. said as he put his arm around
Kyle's shoulder.

"You got it, Hellcat," Kyle replied as we walked to the office.  It was
just the four of us as we didn't need the entire crowd for this part.

The negotiations were surprisingly easier than I thought, and we'd been
moved to the more spacious manager's office and offered food and drinks.
They showed us the list price, their cost, and the minimum markup to break
even.  I've never seen that before.  Regular list, after rebates, had both
vehicles coming in at a total of $204,000 before taxes, and he was up front
about dealer fees and add-on pricing which he immediately removed from the
quote.  Before we opened our mouths, the price was down to $200,000 plus
taxes.  Looking over the numbers, Colin couldn't even debate with him.  I
almost checked my pockets for the change to pay for them.  Especially
considering what we'd just paid for the sports cars.  I'm guessing the last
guy probably earned more than 200 grand just in commission.

"I've gotta admit, I've bought a lot of vehicles and I've never seen a more
honest up-front approach," Colin said passing the quotes back to him.

"We want to make sure we get your business and up-front honesty is the only
way we like to operate," he replied.  I have a feeling we're moving into
the ass kissing range again, but this guy knew how to run his business.
Give a little now for perhaps a ton of business long term.  Nicely done.

"Okay, I'm in.  We'll take both."

"Would you like to finance or lease these vehicles through your business?"

"No.  Just provide me with your bank details and I'll transfer the funds
while you're preparing the paperwork.  The guys will tell you what names to
put each vehicle under, and go ahead and have the insurance put on them
both as well."

"We have the insurance agent in the building so he can get you set up and
have the plates put on."

"I'll leave you guys to it.  Doesn't need me here for this," I said as I
got up to leave.  I'd only shown up for the fireworks and negotiations, but
he'd taken all the fun out of that by being so up front honest.  Bitch.

"Where are the others?" I asked when I got to Blake standing with Ben.

"They went across the street to the Ford dealership.  Troy figured they
could checkout the Mustangs while we here."

"Good thinking.  If you guys wanna go join them, I'll wait here for the
others and then join you."

"Cool!"  They said as they took off at a fast sprint.

One minute I was surrounded by 13 other people, the next I'm standing in a
parking lot by myself.  I've had this dream, but usually I'm naked
wondering why the aliens dropped me here without a goodbye kiss,
considering the weeks of probing.

I wasn't alone for long as Colin strolled out of the office next and joined
me. "I left Kyle and J.P. to finish up.  Where's everyone else?"

"Over there," I replied, pointing to the Ford dealership where salespeople
were watching our group carefully, like sex addicts watching porn.  No one
had approached them, so it was pretty obvious they thought this was just
group of young people window shopping and being rowdy.  Colin and I walked
over holding hands, as it just seemed like the day for us to be a couple.
By the time we got there, the guys were all crowded around the selection of
Mustang Shelby's.  I'm guessing the arrival of two more people was the
limit the salesmen were prepared to accept, as two headed towards us, while
the others sort of spread out as if they were surrounding us like
Velociraptors.  If TV is any indicator, I half expected police to appear
out of nowhere screaming at us.  `Get down on the ground!  Freeze, police!
Put your hands behind your head!  Don't move!!'  This is why people get
shot.  Too many people yelling conflicting instructions.  Mostly in
America.  I mean there, they pull their guns when they attend a noise
complaint from a child's birthday party.  In Britain, I think they go to
hostage takings and just say `if it's not too much trouble lads, please
stay where you are so we may take you into custody.  Anyone like a cup of
tea while we talk?'  Canada is half way between the two.  The cops say,
`Sorry.  We need you to freeze and place your hands behind your head.  Do
it now scum, or die!!'  I added that last part, otherwise our police just
sound boring.

"Gentlemen, may we assist you?  Just out looking at the new Mustangs, are
we?"

Troy responded as it was his purchase this time.  "I'm interested in this
car, either in Performance Blue or Rapid Red.  Ideally, the Red."

"Yes, we get a lot of people dreaming of owning one of these.  If you have
a spare hundred grand lying around, we could get you into one today."

"I definitely don't have a spare hundred grand," Troy replied casually.
"But this is a sweet car.  I'd like to take it for a test drive please."

"Sorry son.  We aren't able to offer test drives," he replied dismissively.

"Oh," Troy said sounding extremely disappointed.  Colin went to move
forward, but I put my hand on his arm.

"Let him handle it for a bit before you charge in as the cavalry," I
suggested.

He just smiled.  "But this is the fun part."

"I know babe, but Troy has that look that says he's just getting started,"
I said as we watched and listened.

"How do people know if the car is right if you can't drive it?  Do you have
like a refund policy or something so I could bring it back if it's not a
good fit?"

"No," he laughed.  "We allow test drives for qualified buyers, but we'd
need to run your credit first."

"My credit?  I don't think I have any.  I don't really use my credit card
at all.  Can you get a score from my debit card?"

"No.  Do you own your own home?"

"No.  I rent a bachelor suite in a house.  Does that do anything for my
credit?"

"It will if your landlord reports the credit bureau," he said as the
dialogue continued.  I just wanted to know when we were going on the test
drive.  I wanted to be in this one.

"Do you report to the credit bureau?"  Troy yelled, looking over at us.

"Report what?  You don't pay anything," I laughed.

"So that's a no," Troy said looking back at the salesperson.

"Sorry, I don't think this would be the vehicle for you.  Excuse me
gentlemen, could I just ask you to back away from the vehicles a little."

We were officially under his skin.

Colin looked at me.  "Now can I help?"

"Nope.  I wanna see where this goes."

"This is totally the vehicle for me.  I've been researching it, and I'm
sure this is the model I want.  I'd know better once I've seen the interior
and make sure it's got the feel I'm looking for.  If I can't drive it,
could I at least see inside?"

"I hope you understand that due to the immense popularity of this vehicle,
we couldn't allow everyone to look through it as they'd be in no shape to
sell as new."

"So how do I prove that I'm serious about wanting to purchase this vehicle
and go for a test drive?"

"You have to show you have the means to buy the car before we could let it
go on the road."

"What kind of means?  Like a deposit or something?  I have a credit card,"
he said pulling out the black card we all had.  Mostly for emergencies, but
we still had them.  The salesperson didn't react as Troy showed him.  "Not
sure how much of a deposit you'd need.  Colin, what's the limit on the
card?"

"It doesn't have one," he replied.

The salesman laughed.  "They all have some sort of a limit.  I doubt it'd
be high enough I'm afraid."

"Now?"  Colin asked almost salivating at the chance to get involved.  I
really should let him since it was his money paying for everything, but
holding him back was almost as much fun as watching him shred a
commissioned salesperson.  It's like owning a Rottweiler, and having him on
a leash as the burglar approaches.  I got ready to unclip the clasp.  Side
note: Do I get points for always saying salesperson instead of salesman,
even though they're all men?  Just asking...for a friend.

"Patience.  He's got this," I said.  We were all interrupted by the arrival
of the two new vehicles driven by J.P. and Kyle.  The guys rushed over to
them as they pulled up and got out.

"All set?"  Colin asked.

"All set, insured and plated!"  Kyle said as he gave Colin a big hug.  "One
day I'll pay you back for all you've ever done for us."

"Pay it forward.  Always pay it forward, but I love seeing you this happy,"
Colin smiled as J.P. hugged him next.

"I may never have enough money to buy a vehicle like this myself, but I'm
happy to go to bed with you.  I'm a much better alternative than your
husband, and I could work off the car with my most impressive skills," he
teased.

"I might take you up on that.  Maybe a night with the Triple J's would
allow me to decide once and for all who is the best."

I just looked at him and frowned.  "You know you better be kidding.  I mean
I don't care if we all end up in bed together, but you damn well better say
I'm the best."

The others laughed.  "Hey J.P., can me and J.J. go home with you in the
Hellcat?"  Blake asked quickly.

"Fine by me.  I have a feeling we may take the long way home though."

"No problem from my end."

I was listening to everything but casually watching the salesperson, who
appeared to be in the process of a software update to his brain, as he
tried to figure out what he was looking at.

"Can me and Travis go in your new truck, Uncle Kyle?" Trevor asked.  "We
like trucks."

"Anytime boys.  As long as your dads are okay moving the car seats into the
truck," Kyle told him.  Both boys looked at Jason and Alex at the same
time, like they were synchronized together.

"We're fine with it, but maybe the guys would like to spend some time with
their truck first before we start adding car seats," Alex replied.  It
looked as if we were about to have tears, but Kyle jumped in.

"Boys, you have to be our first passengers!" he said excitedly.  "You too,
if you want James.  It'd be the best thing ever to have you with us!"

"I wanna ride in Troy's new car," James said from where he was standing
near the Mustang.

"He hasn't bought it yet," Jason reminded him.

"But when he does, I get to ride in it first."

The guys started inspecting the new vehicles while Troy returned to the
salesman.  "Sorry about that.  My brothers sure know how to take the
spotlight.  They just bought those across the street.  I'm not much of a
Chrysler guy myself.  I'm a Mustang guy.  We were talking about how I could
prove I'm serious about buying.  I'd have brought my current car f I'd
known I needed collateral, but we're out as a family, so it wasn't
practical."

"Give me a minute to speak with the manager and I'll be right back," he
said, suddenly sounding less confident than a few minutes ago.

"Nicely negotiated," Colin told him as we walked up beside him.  "Anytime
you need my help, just ask."

"You should have seen him foaming at the mouth when the guy was judging
you.  I almost had to restrain him."

"Kinky," Troy smiled.  "I'll probably need your help with the pricing if he
lets me drive it."

Just remember, get the final price before telling him about any trade or
talking finance.  One of the main tricks is that they need a deposit before
they can take the deal to their manager.  You give him nothing and prepare
to walk away if he tries to assert control."

"Got it.  I'm actually super nervous," he admitted.

"That's the fun part.  Just be confident and stand your ground.  Here we
go," Colin said nodding towards the salesman.

"I've arranged a test drive for you, but I hope you don't mind, I'll have
to go with you.  We aren't able to let anyone under 25 go out on their own
due to insurance regulations, but if one of our employees is with you,
we're covered.  We also can't allow additional passengers, sorry."

Colin tensed up again, but before I had a chance to pull him back and give
him pills, he relaxed and let Troy stay in charge.

"I'm fine with that.  Let's go!"

"So much for the rule of don't get into cars with strangers, Troy," Blake
laughed as he patted him on the back.

"I don't think that applies when I'm the one driving."

"Okay, but if we never see you again, I'm calling dibs on the suite."

"Glad to know you care so much," Troy said as he picked the red car to test
drive.  We watched his face light up as soon as he started it, and gave it
a bit of a rev.  That muscle car rumble vibrates right through you.  We
made way for him to pull out and the boys waved as he left the parking lot.
The rest of us spread out and checked the rest of the sales lot.  They
mostly had Mustangs and F-150's.  I mean sure they had the other vehicles
too, but I'd easily say more than half the lot was just those two.  I
mentioned my observations to Colin as we walked.

"That's because these are basically disposable vehicles.  They mass produce
them to ensure volume sales.  They hype the car to the masses to get you
in, then try to upsell to the better models, or add-ons.  Watch in the
negotiations.  The other place knew who I was before we started
negotiating, so he didn't try the usual tactics.  This guy has no idea who
we are, so he'll tack on as much as he can."

We wasted time until Troy returned.  There was no way he could feign
disinterest as his face was all mouth from the giant smile.  He jumped out
almost the second the car stopped.  "Awesome car!  Way more power than the
other one!"

"Troy, if you still want a convertible, they have the exact same car you
test drove over there," Ben told him.

"Is it the same?"  Troy asked the sales guy.

"Yes.  All the same features.  Only difference is the retractable roof
versus sunroof."

"Then that's the car.  Let's go talk price," he said as once again, Colin
and I tagged along to help with the finance.  Well, Colin was there for the
finance.  I was there for the fun of the negotiation.  So far, this
salesman hadn't won any points with Colin, so I doubt he'll be easy on the
guy.

"So, here's what I can do for you today to get you into that car.  Are you
thinking of financing?"  He asked as we all sat down in his little office.
It's cute.  I think our half bathroom off the garage entrance is about this
size.

"I'm not sure yet.  It'll depend on where the pricing ends up," Troy said
calmly.

"You mentioned that you had another vehicle.  Would you be trading that
in?"

"Not sure.  I'm still thinking about it.  If I do, I guess I could bring it
into be appraised."

"It would give you a nice tax break if you trade.  The price we give you
for that is reduced from the overall sales price and you only pay tax on
the lower amount.  That could save you from hundreds to thousands."

"That'd be nice, but lets just see where we end up."

The guy pulled up his computer screen, keeping it mostly hidden from us as
he actively pushed buttons to make it seem like it was working hard to get
a price.  My guess is he's on his online dating site.  `Pussies for
Perverts'.  Not my preferred site, but their affiliate `Dinks for Daddies'
is popular among us gays.  Colin is a Daddy now, I'm still a Dink, despite
being an actual Dad.

I'm pretty sure all the numbers the sales guy needs are right there in
front of him on some sort of a spreadsheet.  He's probably just paying his
teeth whitening bill or something while he talks to us.

"Let me just go over the details of the vehicles and the options included
in this one.  Both models include the Rapid Red paint and black racing
stripe.  These options increase the value of the vehicle by $13,000.  We
can order a vehicle without that if you feel it unnecessary.  They also
have the upgraded leather seats, carbon fiber instrument panel, enhanced
technology & a handling package.  This is as fully loaded as it gets.
Including the freight, the price for this car comes to $122,800.

"$122,800," Troy repeated.  "That's higher than I thought.  I was expecting
around a hundred five, hundred ten," he said thinking out loud.

"I think you'd be close to that if you removed the enhanced paint and
technology package, you'd be in that range.  It's just the additional
options that push it up so fast.  We can always order you one specifically
designed if you wish to look at that.  That way you could get the price
down to what you were looking for."

I'll think about it, but if we can do better, I'd still be interested in
the convertible," Troy said as he looked intently at the screen he'd now
been presented with.

"Let's see what I can do to get this down a little," he said as he turned
the screen back and went to work.  It didn't take him long to reply with a
new price.  Colin meanwhile appeared to have lost interest as he was on his
phone tapping away.  Hope he crushes those candies, although I've never
seen him not actually focused during a negotiation.  It would seem like
he's stopped being interest in this salesman.

"I've snuck in a dealer rebate to help out.  It doesn't normally apply to
the Shelby, but I'm sure I can convince the manager to accept it.  That
reduces the price by $8,000.  So that brings it down to $114,800.  Is that
getting closer to what you were thinking?"

"Much better.  What's the total price with everything factored in and what
would the financing on that look like?"

I saw Colin grin.  This was one of his favorite tactics.  He never says
he'll finance, but they suddenly start thinking he will, and the price
comes down as they make their money off the interest rate.

"I'll throw in a customer loyalty discount as you mentioned you currently
own a Mustang.  That'll save another 4% bring the car down another $4,600."

So in just a couple minutes the price had dropped $12,000.  I guess if you
don't do your research, some sucker will take the first offer.  Those are
probably the dumb jock straight boys with tiny penises...if we're assigning
a type to it.  Maybe women too.  Please send all complaints to
jason@notmyemail.cum.  I know my name isn't Jason, but I ummm...I use his
email.  Yeah, that's it.

"So now we're at $110,200 after adjusting the fees to the new price.  Let
me go over everything we have so far.  Car as discussed, with all options
and packages included: $110,200, 12% taxes for the federal and provincial
taxes is $13,224.  Green Levy on this model is $2,000."

"Excuse me.  What's the green levy fee?"  I asked.

"It a government fee added to fuel inefficient vehicles.  Basically, any
new vehicle without the electric or hybrid designation.  The Shelby has one
of the highest fees on the list."

"Figures," Troy said shaking his head.

"Document fee $350. Dealer fee $575.  Advertising fee $100, and vehicle
registration fee $52.  Total price all in is $126,501, assuming the manager
goes along with the rebate and loyalty discount.  I'll show you the
financing options so you can see how that fits into your budget.  He pushed
a few more buttons and the screen popped up showing payment options over a
varied length of time.  I thought it all seemed like a good deal until I
read that the payments were every two weeks and not per month.

"I understand the interest rate, but what's all those fees you mentioned?"

"Just standard fees included in most new cars, along with the taxes," he
replied.  Troy looked at Colin for confirmation.  This time I didn't stop
him from jumping in.

"Dump all those fees except for the government required ones, and I think
we have deal," Colin interjected.  I was a bit disappointed.  I expected
him to try and get a major drop, but the fees barely were a thousand bucks.

"Those are standard on all vehicles, so I probably couldn't do much on
those for you."

"They're not standard across the street.  We didn't pay them there," Colin
remarked.  "Drop the fees off the sale, and we'll move forward."

"I've been down this road before and I'm sure the manager won't go for it,
but no harm in asking.  If I could get a goodwill deposit to show you're
serious about purchasing, I'll take it down the hall right now."

"What's a goodwill deposit?" Troy asked.

"You give me something down on the car that I can show the boss.  It can be
on a debit card or credit card if that's easier for you."

"Makes more sense if you go see if the manager will accept the price first.
Sounds like a lot more work for you to have to do it and then reverse it if
he says no," Troy told him.  I was proud of him and I could see by the grin
on Colin's face he was a proud papa.  Well, proud brother-in-law.

"It shows a more serious intention if we have the deposit."

"Or I could leave and go buy it at another dealer.  That would show I'm
serious too, right?  I mean these cars are pretty much at every single Ford
dealer, aren't they?"

"Not always with every option you might want, such as this car you're
interested in."

"I could wait and customize one online, couldn't I?"

"Give me a minute to see if he'll entertain the offer."  He knew he'd been
beaten on this round.

He quickly left us alone, and headed down the hall with his paperwork.
Colin slapped Troy on the thigh.  "Nicely done.  I should take you to all
my negotiations.  Here's the list price online," he said showing his phone
to Troy.  "Now watch.  His next trick will be to come back and not drop the
fees, but otherwise the offer will be accepted, and it'll be based on
financing."

"And we're not paying the fees, right?"  Troy confirmed

"Right.  This is the point where he either caves or we walk away.  He may
act like he still thinks we're not serious, but he's seen the two vehicles
outside and knows we're buyers, not tire kickers."

"We're not financing, are we?"  Troy asked to be absolutely clear.

"No.  As soon as we sign the offer, I'll arrange the wire transfer, and you
should be driving out of here in the next half hour."

"And I'll race Troy and J.P. home.  Mustang beats Hellcat every time."

"I'll bet they don't agree with you.  Plus, you might not want to race home
with all the boys in with you."

"I wouldn't.  But in my mind, I'll still win."

We went silent as the sales guy returned.  He looked confused.

"Well, I talked the manager in to giving the loyalty and dealer rebate, so
that's good news as those reduce the price of the car considerably.  We do
have to keep the other taxes though, but financed over 72 months, hopefully
this is within your budget."

"When you say taxes, you mean the P.S.T., G.S.T, green levy and
registration, right?"  Troy asked trying to sound confused, but following
Colin's advice.

"Yes, but we also have to keep the documentation, dealer and advertising
taxes."

"Fees," Colin interjected.

"Pardon?"  The salesman asked looking at him.

"Fees.  They're not taxes as they don't go to the government.  Let's make
sure we're calling things what they are.  We're not interested in paying
for your advertising costs.  That's covered by Ford."

"Sir, I'm sure you can appreciate how much work is required to sell a
vehicle.  Plenty of administration costs to ensure the paperwork is filed
correctly.  The dealer fee only covers the basic cost of keeping the
vehicle on the lot and maintaining it."

"Again, not interested in those.  Remove them and we're on our way to
closing.  Sorry, Troy.  Didn't mean to interrupt," he said patting him on
the shoulder.

"It's all good.  I was just about to say the same thing," he replied.

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but all cars sold have some sort of fee to cover the
costs associated with the sale.  We are unable to remove them."

"Then drop the price of the vehicle another $1,025 and you can have your
fees.  Works out better for us as that will reduce the tax as well," Troy
suggested, getting a huge smile from Colin.  His protégé was
performing above expectations.

"Sir, I don't think you understand how little margin there is on vehicles.
It's not like days gone by where there was a huge markup.  The attached
fees are to cover our costs having the vehicles on the lot.  Ford doesn't
cover most of those, so we have to add these on or we'd be unable to turn
any profit."

"I completely understand, but we also live in a world where I can find a
hundred cars online exactly like this, or failing that, I can custom make
my own on the Ford website and have it delivered.  How much profit is in
that for you?  We're within a thousand dollars of closing this deal, or
having me walk away.  I want the car, but I'm not overpaying for it."

"You can indeed order a car from somewhere else, but it would have a
delivery fee on top of the price.  Just so you're aware."

"So do your cars, it's just buried in the sticker price," Colin added as he
kept working with his phone, almost showing a complete lack of interest.  I
wonder if that's a tactic he's employing, or is he really over this guy?
He showed me the screen of his phone.  It was a text he'd gotten from the
luxury dealer we were at.

"Wow, that guy is good," I said quietly.  "He's already found both
vehicles?  Isn't that Exelero a bit pricey though?  I thought he said it
sold for 10."

"Obviously the owner knows the value of what he has, and I might not be the
only collector interested."

"You're not seriously going to pay that, are you?"

"Probably not, but when you have a one-of-a-kind item, you dictate the
terms of its sale, not the other way around.  When you have millions of
them, it's a buyer's market."

I think he said that last part deliberately so that the salesman would hear
him.  Colin typed a reply and told the guy to keep negotiating and to go
ahead with the Centodieci purchase.  I would have kept discussing it with
him, but we were ignoring Troy and his beat down of the salesman.  It was
the fifth and final round, where a decision was rendered in this title
match.  The title for the car, that is.

"So where do we stand?"  Troy asked almost impatiently as the salesguy
seemed to be working furiously on his computer.

"I'm just seeing if there is any place I can reduce the price by the
thousand dollars," he said looking very focused.  My guess is that he has a
reflection of himself on screen and he's trying new facial expressions
against it.

"Troy, I'm kinda done here," Colin said, now starting to sound impatient.
"Here, take a look at this one.  It's in Langley, but their pricing is
better and there are no fees listed, which makes it illegal for them to
tack them on afterward.  I'd be up for the drive out there, and I'm sure
the other guys wouldn't mind taking the hellcats for a short road trip."

"They might not stop at Langley.  We could find them in Kamloops."

"Kamloops!  That might be an option," Colin said snapping his fingers and
returning to his phone.

He's kidding, right?  We're gonna drive three hours over the Coquihalla to
buy a car so we can save a thousand bucks.  He's made more than that while
we've been sitting here.  In fact, I think the last time I tried to figure
it out I roughly calculated he makes over $30,000 an hour using just a
basic interest rate or 4%.  Knowing Colin, he probably makes much better
interest investing in things, but who knows.  A thousand bucks is like a
two minutes of us sitting around.  Maybe this is why rich people stay rich.

Troy sat back, looking annoyed now.  I could see the Colin factor bubbling
up in him.  I shuffled forward on my seat as I prepared for our departure.
"Any luck?"  Troy asked bluntly.

"Not finding anything, but I'm just checking one more area just to be
sure."

 Troy sat fully upright and turned to look at Colin.  "I'm done.  Let's go
to Langley.  This has taken the fun out of owning a new car.  I should have
found something on the Chrysler lot with Kyle and J.P."

"Nah.  The Shelby is all you've talked about since we discussed updating
the one you have.  We're not pressed for time.  Justin, text the guys and
tell them to prepare for a road trip."

"Langley or Kamloops?"  I asked, so I knew whether to pack a sandwich.

"Langley.  Found nothing in Kamloops," he replied.

"Thanks for your time.  Sorry we couldn't do business," Troy said standing
up, so we followed his lead.  He walked out and headed for the door without
even looking back.  I saw Colin drop one of his business cards on the
salesperson's desk.  Troy was doing great on his own, but a little Colin
influence never hurt anyone.  There are two types of salespeople.  One who
will look at the card and try to figure out who he is, and the one who will
throw it in the waste basket, thinking he's just a poser.  I take this guy
to be the latter.

"So?"  Blake asked as we left the showroom.  "Are they getting it ready?"

"Nope, they weren't able to reach a good price," I replied.

"You're kidding.  Dad, didn't you kick his ass and threaten to buy the
place if they didn't do a good deal?"

Colin laughed.  "No.  Mainstream car dealerships are like zits.  They pop
up by the dozen, and even if you squash one, more surface immediately.
There're a hundred places within a short driving distance that have these
cars.  We can do better."

"That sucks.  Kyle and J.P. got their vehicles so fast.  Guess Ford sucks,
huh?"

"Not Ford.  Just this one dealer.  Old school tactics, that don't work in
the age of online ordering," Colin replied.

"Who's up for a road trip to Langley?"  Troy asked, trying to sound
cheerful, but you could see the disappointment on his face at not being in
his dream car already.

"Me!"  Travis said, enthusiastically putting his hand up, followed by
Trevor copying him.  "Where's Langley?" he asked his brother quietly.
Trevor just shrugged.

"We won't need all the vehicles for the trip, so how about we swing home,
regroup, and grab some lunch while we're there," I suggested.

"Good call," J.P. nodded.

We were just about to separate and head home, when a different salesperson
came quickly out of the building, heading towards us.

"Mr. Worthington!"  He yelled.  I guess I misread the salesperson.  He
obviously looked up the information on the card and relayed it to someone.

Colin stopped and turned to look at him.  "My apologies Mr. Worthington.
We've been having computer issues all day, and my salesman explained that
he wasn't able to find the pricing to your liking.  I'm the manager here,
and I've been able to find some additional savings for you."

"You're talking to the wrong person.  It's Mr. Walker here that is buying
the vehicle.  He's my brother-in-law.  I'm only along for the ride...so to
speak."

"I apologize.  If you're still interested in the Mustang, I'd love to get
you into it today."

"Your company kinda took the fun out of it by playing so many games.  I'm
more excited about going out to Langley and buying a no hassle one there,"
Troy replied sounding seriously cold and blunt.  He truly did seem over
this place.  I know the feeling well.  After twice with a random hookup,
I'm like that.  The new boy smell wears off and after that, it's just
another ride.

"I sincerely do apologize.  Ford is regularly coming up with new incentives
and marketing strategies, which need constant updating.  With our temporary
difficulties today, we missed one of the updates.  I'd ask that you give us
the opportunity to see how we can get you this vehicle."

Does anyone else see through this bullshit?  I put salesmen like this at
bottom of the barrel along with preachers.  Let them sell their snake oil
to the rest of the slime that settles down there with them.

Troy regained his look of strength before he spoke.  "I'm gonna be honest,
I researched the car in great detail before we came shopping.  I know
exactly the features and look I want, as well as the final price I'm
willing to pay; and in cash, not financed.  See those two vehicles over
there?  We just bought those in full across the street, and we were in and
out in under 30 minutes.  That's a dealership I'd recommend.  Maybe learn
from their technique.  Seems to me that there'd be more profit in selling a
vehicle, than in pissing off a customer until they walk out.  Perhaps even
doing untold additional damage with a review in our social media focused
world."

 "You're absolutely correct, Mr. Walker.  Sometimes we are slow to adapt to
change, but we are trying.  I thought you were planning on financing the
vehicle, so I think we got a few wires crossed.  Please let me make this up
to you.  I'll throw in new floor mats and the rustproof undercoating as a
bonus for giving us the second chance to make an offer you should find more
than acceptable."

"Give me a minute to discuss it with the family.  I'm thinking they're
rather excited about a road trip to Langley now."

"How about I help you take that road trip and throw in a free tank of gas
with the deal as well. You can drive off the lot and head for the open road
in all your new vehicles.  I'll give you a moment to talk."  He backed away
like someone slinking out of a room, afraid he was going to get shot in the
back, or worse, that we may run off.

"Is it me, or does the guy seem desperate?"  I asked.

"No, he's desperate," Colin chuckled.  "You're giving me a boner, Troy.
Nicely played."

"Dude, I give everyone a boner.  Have you seen me naked?  So what's the
plan?  Do I hear him out, or do we fuck off and let him learn from his
mistakes?"

"Guys like this won't learn.  My guess is he has a monthly quota to obtain
and he's off pace to accomplish that.  You now have the upper hand.  If the
offer is only the $1025 less, even with the bonuses he offered, walk away.
If he does even slightly better, take the deal but not enthusiastically."

"Got it.  Let him know how pissed I am.  About the only bonus he's got left
to give is to toss his kids in with the deal."

"Then walk away.  The last thing we need is more kids," I said quickly,
only half joking as J.J. looked up at me.  "We want all our attention on
the great kids we have," I added putting my arm around J.J.'s shoulders.

"Nice save Dad," Blake chuckled.

Troy turned and headed over to the manager, with Colin and I only a few
steps behind.  No way I was missing the encore act in this show.

"I'd like to hear you out.  I mean if it's not a good deal, I can still
walk away and head somewhere else."

"That is always an option, sir, but I have a feeling you'll regain your
confidence in us," he said as the `salesperson' grin returned to his face.

We followed him to his office and resumed our negotiation.  In my opinion,
this is like making a deal with the Taliban.  They say one thing, and once
they think you're not looking, shit gets real, and the abuse begins.

The manager wasted no time in turning his screen towards us.  This time
with a whole different look.  "With the new incentives available after the
update came through, you can see that the loyalty discount and rebate have
been removed, and replaced with the direct-to-consumer price incentive
replacing them.  Instead of the original $12,600 discount, you see that
it's now $13, 625 which reduces the taxes on that as well.  Colin typed in
numbers on his phone and blatantly showed he result to Troy, who nodded his
head.  I'd already done the math in my head.  The difference between the
discounts was exactly the $1025 that we'd said had to disappear.  The
manager noted our interaction, which I'm assuming is why Colin did it.

"Now as for the taxes and fees, we have no choice on the P.S.T.,
G.S.T. green levy tax, and registration fee.  Those are non-negotiable as
they are government mandated.  All dealerships must charge those, unless
you buy an electric or hybrid vehicle.  Then we can reduce the green levy."

"Understood," Troy nodded as we listened.

"Normally, the other fees have to be part of the sale to cover costs, but
as a goodwill gesture for the inconvenience today, I'll remove those as
well.  Were you trading in a vehicle?"

"No," Troy replied bluntly.

"Let's see what we have.  Base of $122,800, less incentive of $13,625 is
109,175. Taxes, Levy and registration, brings it to $124,328.  And of
course, as promised, I'll throw in the limited-edition floor mats and rust
protection undercoating."

"Can we bring the vehicle back for the undercoating to be done?"  Colin
asked.

"Of course.  We recommend doing it before taking the car out on the road,
but the weather is nice with no rain in the forecast.  If you do want to
take it out today, we just ask that it be brought back before any rain gets
to the car as it makes it more difficult to get proper coverage."

"Understood, I could bring it back tomorrow," Troy said to him.

"Fine, I could set that up for you.  Is this offer to your liking
gentlemen?"

I smiled when I saw Colin nodding his head slowly in response, but with
Troy being in front of us, he didn't notice.

"I think this is more in the range I was looking for.  It's a deal," Troy
said confidently.

"Excellent.  We can get the car ready for you while you get a bank draft."

"No need," Colin interjected.  "Just give us you bank wire details and I'll
have it transferred to you immediately."

"Of course.  I have that here for you," he said handing over a page with
the details needed.  "While you're arranging that, I'll have the team get
the car ready for you.  Do you require our insurance agent to get you set
up, or do you already have someone you use?"  He asked treading carefully
now as he had the sale in the bag.

"No, we can use your in-house person," Troy replied.

"I'll let him know to expect you.  Once the wire transfer is received,
we'll complete the bill of sale and he'll get you set up and we'll have you
on the road in just a few minutes."

While this was going on, I texted the boys to let them know we had bought
the car.  We heard the cheering from the office.  My guess is while we
finalized everything, they would be figuring out who got to ride where.
I'm pretty sure we're still taking some sort of a road trip after lunch.

The rest of the process was routine and boring, so I headed outside with
everyone else.  The kids were busy crawling all over the new vehicles we'd
already bought, pushing buttons and seeing what things did what.  You no
sooner get one kid under control than you've got two more doing something.
When Troy finally reappeared with Colin, the vehicle was ours.  Now we just
need to sell the other vehicles.  At this rate, I think we should look into
another garage.  We're running out of space.  I NEVER had this problem with
my Pokemon trading cards that I collected.  Colin should have gotten into
that when he was a kid.  We all headed home to drop off the vehicles we
didn't want, and took a road trip up the Sea to Sky highway for a bit to
really open them up.

"I think the next time we do a road trip, we should get everyone into a
different vehicle and go out like we're having a parade.  That should get
us some attention," I suggested to Colin.

"Cool!" Blake said as he leaned in to join the talk.  "I'll drive the
Batmobile.  We should go in costumes.  I'll be Batman.  J.J., you can be
Robin.  You two should go out in the Chitty car dressed in those old time
clothes like in the movie.

With that decided, we enjoyed the rest of the day with the new cars.  By
the time we got home, I think we were thoroughly exhausted.  The twins had
fallen asleep on the drive home.  They're so trusting.  When Blake starts
to drive, I'll be gripped onto the dashboard fearing for my life.  He's the
type I can see being easily distracted, and veer into a tree while checking
out a hot person, or worse, veer into the hot person.

"Next weekend, there's the boat show down at BC Place.  How about we go see
if there's one we like more than the one we have?"

"I like the boat you have," J.J. said quickly.

"So do we," Colin assured him, "but you never know what else you might like
until you go look.  Anyway, I'm sure they'll have other fun things to look
at."

"Can I have the old boat, Dad?"  Blake asked.  "Me and J.J. could share it
and go on trips and stuff."

"We really only need the one boat, but you're already old enough to take it
out when you want.  I think you're mature enough to keep doing that, even
if we get a larger boat."

"Okay that's cool.  Would my boat license cover that?"

"It would," Colin assured him.  I can already see Blake at the helm of a
cruise ship telling the crew to go after the shirtless guy in the
speedboat.

I think with Colin's announcement, we're going to spend the week looking at
boats online.  With that being said, I gotta go grab my laptop.  Catch you
later!!



End of Chapter.

Thanks for continuing to read the story.  With your support, it's fun to
keep the adventures going.  Email any ideas you'd like to see for the boys
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