It wasn't long ago when I met him. In the most dramatic scene ever, our eyes locked glances unintentionally and I was quite sure that it all happened in slow motion. I don't know what force in the universe made me turn my head away from my friends and narrow my vision on a rather small boy who looked well below my age. It didn't take long for me to learn that he was only a year younger than me.

After several days of wondering who he was, I tried everything I could to know his name. Whenever I saw him walking down the hallway with his friends, I would always find an excuse to follow behind them discreetly. I started obsessing over him and I don't think he seemed to mind. After all, there were those random times when he looked back over his shoulders and saw me quickly turning my gaze away from him. Looking at him from the corners of my eyes, I saw him smile and that was the most beautiful sight ever.

I didn't have enough courage, though, to approach him directly and introduce myself. Well, he was a year below me so we didn't share any classes. Instead, we only shared the hallway and that wasn't enough for me. So I continued spying on him and eventually overheard his name. Alex. What a cute name for a really cute boy.

Feeling totally at loss and freaking hopeless, I decided to stop following him. I wasn't getting anywhere and, surely, nowhere near him anyway. I came to that decision one night when I was scanning over his profile on Facebook. Yep. If I can't actually follow him and be right beside him in real life, I could just stare at him longingly on my computer screen. I was addicted to his smile and those eyes of his that also seemed to smile on their own. He had the perfect face for me with his button nose, thin and pink lips, and olive complexion. His dark hair fell halfway down his ears and covered the back of his neck while some strands fell down to cover his forehead but not his eyes.

We weren't friends even on Facebook, but I didn't mind that much. His profile was for the whole public to see and as much as I was a part of the public, I had access to all his photos and it only took several clicks for me to download a whole folder. There was one where he wore glasses and a lab coat as he grinned and that made him look like a cute little mad scientist. But the photo I liked the most was the one where he pulled off the perfect little pout I had ever seen in my entire life. His eyes were so expressive and even though his lips curved into a pout, he looked to still be smiling. That was just his effect on me. I couldn't get his smile off my mind.

Then that little red indicator showed on screen telling me I received a friend request. And, thanks to that same force in the universe, which I should probably call luck, it was from him. Of course, I accepted within the first few seconds and that got my heart jumping out of my chest as I tried my best not to dance around my bedroom. I was feeling ecstatic but I didn't want to look like some hopeless fanatic overreacting to a friend request from the cutest boy ever. Heh.

I thought that was all that I expected, but then came that beautiful tiny sound of my chatbox showing a new message still coming from him! I couldn't hold it no more so I pushed myself off my chair and fisted my hand into the air. Thankfully, I still wasn't a dancing fool. Carefully running some words through my head, it took me several minutes to reply and all I said was, "Hey". That was a reasonable response for me since I didn't want him to know that I was waiting all my life for this very rare chance to talk to him even virtually so.

Our friendship started off from there and soon we were chatting almost every night, talking about nonsense and just being silly all over. I "lol'd" at most of what he said that I thought was funny and he just said, "hehe". See? We were finally laughing together! It couldn't get any better than that for the time being.

Then came one night when he asked me if I had a girlfriend. That...that saddened me somehow. I thought right then that he was going to ask me for some advice on how to get a girl. And that could only mean one thing. He was straight.

"hey, big bro, y'have a gf or not?" he said on screen. Yep, he started calling me his big brother out of the blue and all I could do was call him my lil' bro.

"you there?" his next message read.

"a gf?" I typed back.

"yes a gf...y'know, a girlfriend," he graciously pointed out.

"I know what it means and I don't have one."

"really?!! awesome!"

Well, his reaction chased away the doubt I had earlier. So maybe he wanted to know if I was single and available. Yep, that could be it!

"I know a girl who likes you!" he immediately added.

And that easily brought the whole world crashing down on me again. So this was his intention? He was playing matchmaker...

"and?" I asked him.

"she's really cute and nice and told me how she loves seeing your hair stand up for no reason."

`What the hell,' I thought while looking up at the ceiling in a vain attempt to check out my hair. That was really stupid of me so I just had to put my hand on my hair and see if it did stand up for no reason. It did stand up, actually, but that was because I styled it that way. That wasn't for no reason at all!

"what's her name?" was the next logical question I could ask.

"catherine kessler. she's in my class and one of my best friends."

Damn, this could be hard. He was playing matchmaker for one of his best friends! I could've answered that I'm not interested, but I didn't want to appear like running away from a girl I haven't even met yet. Maybe I could just be friends with her and that shouldn't involve any heartbreak, I think, which would still leave Alex and me as being friends.

"you can meet her tomorrow...this is gonna be so cool!"

He was even being overly ecstatic about this. Still, who would've thought that after meeting Catherine the following day, I eventually ended up having a girlfriend?

"Kisses?"

"Yeah," I said. "I figured you'd like chocolates."

"Thanks," Alex answered, smiling cutely as ever. He was a couple inches shorter than me and that already made him look like a little child getting his first lollipop.

"And I did promise to bring you something."

"You did, huh? Well how `bout Catherine? You got her anything?" he asked.

We were both standing by the doorway to their classroom and as I looked over his shoulders, I saw some of his classmates peering over at us. However, I didn't see Catherine anywhere. She and I were officially in a relationship now so it was only reasonable for me to have brought her something when I came back from a weekend over at a nearby city. Still, it wasn't only her that I brought some gifts for. Of course, how could I not bring anything for my sweet lil' bro? I was still secretly...in love with him after all. Yep, I finally conceded to calling that one feeling I have for him as love.

"Here," I said, handing over a similar pack of Kisses. "...can you give this to her?"

"Yeah, sure," he said and even giggled. He was just so sweet and that made his giggles more melodious than any other sound on earth.

"And tell her..."

"You love her," he interrupted. "...right."

"And..."

"And?"

"...nothing," I told him, smiling my own little way.

"I'm really glad she's with you, big bro," he said, but his usually radiant smile faded to just a small one. He still looked cute, but his expressive eyes didn't even meet mine. "...and I have something for you, too."

"Hm?"

"Well, I can't just receive something and not give back," he told me. "I'll see you after school, okay? If not, then..."

"Of course I'll see you," I cut him off. "...after school it is."

And that brought back his wonderful smile.

For the rest of the day, I didn't even think of Catherine. I'm sure I received a text from her, but I didn't bother to check my phone. It was really frustrating sometimes to even read her messages. Mostly, she wanted to know what I was doing or where I was or if I was asleep yet. Even when we were together at school and talked a lot, I couldn't even bring myself to really laugh at her jokes. I forced my chuckles and I don't think she ever noticed.

So right after the last bell, it wasn't her that got me rushing through the hallway and out the main doors. It wasn't her that got me thinking over and over again of any and all the possibilities of what I might...receive. And it certainly wasn't her who was waiting outside for me.

"Hey," Alex greeted as he stood alone near the sidewalk.

"...kept you waiting?" I asked.

"Only a couple minutes. Catherine didn't make it to school today. She has the flu."

That made me feel guilty all of a sudden. So if it was really her texting me earlier, it was because she wasn't feeling well and might have needed me to comfort her by just sending her a simple... `I love you'. See? Even that was hard to get out of my mind. It just didn't sound right.

"The whole class ate the chocolates by the way," he said after the lingering silence over us.

"That's great," I said. "I mean, sharing is loving, right?"

He just looked at me and smiled. He just knew when to pull off that smile.

"So..." I trailed off for a bit. "...what was it you wanted to give me? And where are your other classmates?"

"I just told them to leave me alone for a while. And...uh..."

"Yeah?"

"...come home with me," he whispered, averting his gaze from me and my mind immediately went berserk on all the possible meanings of what he just said.

"Uhm, huh?"

"I left it at home," he said. "...that thing I'm s'posed to give you."

I didn't know if I was blushing or not, but my cheeks felt like it went from warm into cold in an instant. I totally misread the coming-home-with-me part. Surely, he didn't mean anything...romantic about it and that chased away the blush I might have had earlier.

"Sure..." was all I could say before we headed for his home.

"Are these yours?" I asked as my eyes lit up in sheer fascination of the little creatures before me.

"All of `em," Alex answered. "This is Mocha, Cappuccino, Caramel...and this one's Oreo."

"You named `em?"

"Yep, and those other two over there are Fucker and Bits."

"Fucker? You named a hamster Fucker?" I asked, suddenly feeling the urge to touch the little furballs.

"Fucker `coz she's a devil," he said, reaching out to grab my hand before I even touched one of his pets. "...she bit me so I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

"And Bits?"

"Well, he's Fucker's little bitch."

Remember that time when we were just laughing together in a chatbox? Well, it wasn't that long ago but it already seemed so distant `coz it was so easy for us to actually be laughing together now. It wasn't the same `lol' and `hehe'. We giggled and just enjoyed the boyish sounds we made.

"They're really cute. Can I touch even just one of `em?" I asked.

"You can do more than just touch `em."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm giving two of `em to you," he told me as he bent over beside me and picked up one of his hamsters.

"For real?! I mean, won't you miss `em?"

"As long as they're with you, I'm sure they'll be in good hands. So which two do you like? You should pick one boy and one girl so they could...y'know," he said as he handed me the little hamster he picked up. Its fur was in between golden and deep brown all over.

"I like this one," I told him. "Mocha, right?"

"Yep. It's a female so you should pick a male next."

I scanned over the remaining furballs that were evidently curious as they sniffed and ran around so much and even fought over the hamster wheel. They must've been showing off and saying, `Pick me, pick me!'

"How `bout Oreo?" I asked and it was clear enough which one was Oreo, with how black its fur was.

"Good choice," he said as he picked up Oreo. "...this one's definitely a male and I think he's a good match for Mocha."

"You're really giving them to me?"

"Not only that," he said as he smiled again before averting his gaze and appeared to look somewhat confused and hesitant.

"What...else?"

"You'll hate me for it," he said sadly.

"Alex, you're my lil' bro, remember?" I said. "I won't hate you. Ever."

"But..."

He didn't answer me, but he did give me an innocent smile which instantly got my heart racing. I thought he was going to confess to me about his...feelings toward me, but it appeared as though it was otherwise.

"Can you wait `til Christmas?" he asked.

"For what?"

"Just be patient for a while..."

"Is it a gift?"

"Sort of," he said as he took out a small cardboard box from behind the hamster cage and handed it to me. "Put `em here."

"Okay, I'll wait but just `coz you told me so," I told him. "...and what am I s'posed to feed `em with?"

"Here," he said as he handed me a pack of sunflower seeds. "...and thanks, by the way."

"I should be thanking you," I corrected. "You're giving me your precious hamsters, see?"

"Well, yeah. But I'm saying thanks for the Kisses..."

The last week had been a terrible downfall for my relationship with Catherine. I broke up with her saying that I just didn't feel anything anymore. I would've said that I haven't felt anything at all from the start, but that would've only made her cry some more. She slapped me right across the face and I thought I deserved that and a few more, but that was it.

Right now, it seemed awkward for me to be celebrating the last day of classes before Christmas break with Catherine's class. She didn't invite me, but Alex did. Sitting all alone, it felt like several pairs of eyes were trying to burn me, including Catherine's. Still, I did join in the games they played and soon enough, those hateful glares turned away from me.

"The last game for tonight," somebody announced. "...is called Marshmallow Kisses."

It sounded interesting, I thought. And it was interesting. Those who played were in pairs and one of each pair had to sit while the other ran from a table nearby, picking up a marshmallow with his lips before running back to his partner and passing it over through their mouths. It was short of kissing, but if anyone dared, they could easily kiss their partners while feeding them marshmallows. It was so fun to watch and I was sure that it would be more fun to join in. However, I didn't have anyone who seemed comfortable enough with me passing or receiving marshmallow kisses from them. So I just watched...with Alex laughing so hard beside me.

Right after the celebrations, everyone just went home on their own or looked for some place to crash with some of their friends. Seeing that it was only me that didn't belong to their class, I went on my own. I didn't expect, however, to hear someone mumbling behind and those hurried footsteps as well.

"Mmmm!" that someone shouted.

I instantly turned around and saw Alex smiling while a marshmallow was in between his contoured lips.

"Alex? Aren't you s'posed to be with your classmates?" I asked.

He just shook his head and gestured for me to come near him and I did while cautiously eyeing him. It seemed he had some plan brewing and I kind of doubted the part I was about to play in this.

He breathed out comically seeing the distance that I clearly left in between us, but he did smile when we finally locked gazes once more. He was still shorter than me and it made him look cute as hell with that marshmallow in his lips.

"Who gave that to you? Your girlfriend?" I asked.

"Mm-mhm," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Okaaay," I said. "...I don't know what you're saying."

"Mm-mhm," he mumbled. "Mm-mhm."

"What the..."

And before I could even say `fuck', he tiptoed a bit and touched the marshmallow against my lips. I stood frozen like a statue, but when he giggled, I finally let it slip past my lips and into my mouth. It was soft and squishy. However, the only thing softer right then was Alex's lips on mine. He had his hands gently placed on my shoulders and I could see his eyes closed. My own eyes were as wide as a saucer and my heart was counting the seconds faster than time actually did.

"Merry Christmas," he said after he withdrew from me and stood shorter than me again. "...and, uhm..."

"...kisses," I mumbled.

"Huh?"

"...you returned my Kisses with...a kiss," I whispered while my heart slowed to its normal rate.

"...you don't hate me?" he asked and he sounded so innocent.

"Why would I?" I told him, squinting my eyes at him.

"...well," he began. "Is it okay, then, if I told you that..."

"What?" I asked, noticing how he trailed off.

"I...like you...big bro."

And that was how our Christmas break started. I told him why I broke up with Catherine and why I couldn't be in love with her. Simply put, it was him that held me back. He giggled and said sorry, but I told him it wasn't his fault. The rest of days leading to New Year, we spent together as much as possible. Then, he finally told me that he confessed to his parents and some of his friends that he was, in fact...different. Now, he wanted me to do the same...to finally let myself out of the closet.