Dustin had never been at a funeral where there were so many people as the day he went to Joey's funeral. There was hardly any room for anyone to sit in the large church where the service was held. Dustin had never been in that church before, but he'd heard a lot about it. It had one time been the church where Nate's father had preached. There'd been a huge scandal at the church involving Nate's father, so he had resigned in disgrace and been divorced by Nate's mother. Now the church had about a quarter of the members and a new preacher, but the auditorium the church called a sanctuary was large enough to host the huge crowd which had gathered to pay their last respects to Joseph Quinn McKenzie.
There were a lot of tears, especially when Brett played a song on the piano and sang. Dustin couldn't believe how Brett managed to hold himself together when he'd managed to make almost everyone in the building cry. He was also impressed with how good Brett was as a singer and pianist. Dustin had never heard the song before which Brett sang, but it was good. Something about a road being long or something like that.
Dustin managed to slip out after the service ended so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. He was still feeling humiliated by the events at the wake. He'd avoided talking to Billy and Brett. He didn't want to answer any questions. He just sat in the back of the church and managed to slip away during the last prayer. He was on his motorcycle and out of there before anybody noticed.
Later that afternoon, Dustin waited by the door of his apartment until his neighbor Craig Mitchell arrived on the floor, carrying a few bags of groceries with him. He offered to help Craig by taking the grocery bags, and simply invited himself into Craig's apartment to put the groceries on the kitchen counter.
"I appreciate the help, dude," Craig said.
"Glad I could be of assistance. Now maybe you could help me out with something."
Craig looked at Dustin suspiciously. "Dude, I'm not into the kind of stuff you're into if that's what you're going for."
Dustin laughed. "No... Oh, God no! You're cute, but you're not my type."
"Wait, what do you mean by that? So I'm not good enough for you now?"
"Dude, you're kind of grouchy when you're not high."
"Tell me about it. I tried to tell my mom that, but she's all like, `if all you're going to do is smoke pot all day, you need to get your own place.'"
"Parents suck," Dustin said.
"Totally," Craig replied.
"Well you know what? I'll toke up with you."
"Toke up? Dude, you've never smoked weed in your life. Toke up... That's funny."
"Well whatever. I just want to try it. Like, do you use a bong or roll smokes or what?"
Craig just laughed. "I swear you're too much dude. You watch too much television. Okay, you want to get high? We'll try you out on something you can handle."
So for the next half hour, Dustin coughed and Craig laughed as Dustin tried to smoke a joint without really inhaling anything. The pot did manage to mellow out Craig though.
"So dude," Dustin said. "I need to ask you for a favor."
"I'm telling you, I'm not letting you fuck me," Craig laughed.
"No, dude, I need to borrow something from you. A small little favor."
"What is it, man?"
"I need to borrow your gun for a few days," Dustin said.
"You want to borrow my gun? Why?"
"Honestly? Because I want to kill my father with it."
Craig looked at Dustin. "Seriously?" he asked.
"Serious as a heart attack, dude," Dustin said. "And then afterward, I'm going to shoot myself in the head."
Craig broke into a fit of laughter. "Oh, dude, you really had me going for a minute. What's in it for me?"
"Anything you want," Dustin said.
"How about a blow job?" Craig asked.
"Sure," Dustin replied.
"Dude, seriously?" Craig asked.
Dustin dropped to his knees and maneuvered himself between Craig's legs. He tugged Craig's pants down and then his underwear. Craig kicked them off and Dustin grabbed hold of Craig's stiffening cock. Giving a blowjob was as easy as pie for a former professional like Dustin. And Craig wasn't one of the dirty, smelly old men he used to pleasure for spending cash. He had a nice dick and he smelled good.
"Dude, you're better than my girlfriend," Craig panted. "You're gonna make me shoot my nut."
"Go ahead," Dustin told him, and then he increased the intensity of his sucking until Craig's balls drained into Dustin's mouth. He easily swallowed Craig's load.
Craig sat there on the couch, unable to move from the feeling of sweet release. He'd never been blown like that, and his girlfriend never swallowed. He would have drifted off to sleep if Dustin hadn't insisted on receiving what he wanted.
"So are you going to get the gun for me?" he asked.
Craig managed to peel himself from his couch and walked, still naked from the waist down into his bedroom. He returned with the gun.
"You're going to have to buy the bullets," Craig said, handing Dustin the gun. He sat down on the couch and sighed. "Dude, you're really good at sucking dick."
"Well you have a nice one," Dustin said. "I appreciate you letting me borrow the gun."
"What are you really going to use it for?" Craig asked.
"Target practice," Dustin replied. "You going to put your pants back on, or...?"
"I just want to sleep after I nut," Craig said. "Maybe I'll watch a little tv."
Dustin felt the cool steel of the pistol in his hand. "This is perfect," he said.
He held it with both hands and pointed it at the television. He cocked it and pulled the trigger. CLICK!
"Ka-pow!" Dustin said. "No more television."
"Hey, don't fuck around with it."
Dustin pointed the gun at Craig and pulled the trigger once again. CLICK!
"Ka-pow! No more Craig," Dustin smiled.
"Dude, seriously. Don't fuck around with it."
Dustin turned the gun around and held it, pointing it toward his face. He opened his mouth and pretended to suck the gun's barrel just like he'd sucked Craig's cock. He took it all the way down, and then slowly pulled the gun out of his mouth, his lips wrapped around it until it was right at the tip. He pulled the trigger one more time. CLICK!"
"No more Dustin," he laughed. "Oh Craig, I just love your gun!"
"Dude, I'm going to take it back if you don't stop fucking around."
"Come on, it's not even loaded," Dustin laughed. He pointed it at the wall and pulled the trigger once again.
"OH JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Dustin screamed.
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!!" Craig shouted at him.
"YOU SAID IT WASN'T LOADED!!!" Dustin cried. "Jesus, I could have blown your fucking head off!!!"
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!" Craig cried. "You almost killed me you dumb fucker!"
"I thought it wasn't loa..."
Before he could finish his sentence Mr. Johnston kicked open the door, pointing his own double-barreled shotgun around the room.
"Jesus H. Christ!" Craig yelled, covering his privates. "What the fuck are you doing, old man?!?!"
"I heard a gun go off!" Mr. Johnston said.
"It was me," Dustin said. "It was an accident!"
"Goddamn son! You'll give this old man a heart attack!" Mr. Johnston cried. "What are you doing, firing a gun off in the building like that?"
"I didn't know it was loaded!" Dustin said. "I almost killed Craig!"
It was only then, that Mr. Johnston took notice of Craig's half-naked condition.
"At least the poor bastard would have died happy," Mr. Johnston said. "You boys are too much for an old man like me. Some day I'll burp and Quickdraw here will blow my damned head off," he muttered as he returned to the safety of his own apartment.
"Dude, I'm so sorry I almost shot you!" Dustin pleaded with Craig.
"Dude, I told you not to fuck around with it," Craig replied.
"I know. I thought..."
"Just get out of here. Jesus! Give a guy a heart attack why don't you?"
"Can I still..."
"Yes! Take the damned thing! Just go, ya dumb bastard!"
Dustin didn't need to be told twice. He had what he wanted anyway.
Later that evening, Dustin sat at his computer staring at his new toy. He couldn't believe Craig had still let him have it after he'd almost shot him. He'd felt the power of the thing, the heaviness of it in his hand. He felt more powerful as he held it.
"This is perfect," he said to himself. "Now I just need to find the right moment." He checked three times to make sure the thing wasn't loaded before he set it on top of his computer. He was about to look at some porn when there was a knock at his door. He quickly threw the gun in a desk drawer and went to the door. He opened it to find Brett Reilly standing in the hall.
"Hey... You mind if I come in?" Brett asked.
"Sure," Dustin said.
Brett stepped inside and quickly deposited himself on the couch. He held a small bag in his hand. "I just need somebody to talk to. I'm so fucking tired," he said.
"I can imagine. It had to be a long day," Dustin replied.
"Yeah. I just needed to get away from all the drama. My fucking mother and Jack... I just want to murder everyone in the fucking room when I see those two together."
"But if they had never gotten together you never would have been born," Dustin replied.
"Ugh... Don't remind me! I just love being the unwanted by-product of adultery... Anyway, I'm glad you were there. Joey always liked you."
"You saw me?"
"You're hard to miss, even if you're hiding in the back of the crowd."
"That was a nice song you played. I've never heard it before."
"The Hollies..." Brett said. "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."
"I was impressed," Dustin said. "I never realized how good you can sing. I wouldn't have been able to do what you did. I'd have been bawling my eyes out."
"Thanks," Brett said, his eyes becoming watery. "It was probably the hardest thing I've done in my life. I'm gonna miss him... Anyway, I brought you something." Brett offered Dustin the package he was holding. Dustin took it and opened it up.
"A new cell phone," Dustin said.
"Since you lost your last one. I took the liberty of putting a few contacts in it for you."
Dustin turned it on. "What's the phone number?" he asked.
"Same as your old one. I have a friend who works in the business."
Dustin opened the contacts and scanned them. "Billy. Billy's mom. You... Who's N-8?"
"You'll just have to call him and find out," Brett replied.
"Oh... Nate," Dustin said. "Okay, first of all, how do you even have his number? And second, what makes you think he'd want to talk to me again after what I did?"
"Because..." Brett started but then paused. He began to sniff the air. "You been smoking weed?"
"My neighbor..."
"No, I know about your neighbor. I could tell the last time I was here about him. No. I mean you."
"How can you tell?"
"Because I'm a recovering stoner," Brett replied. "I'd recognize that smell anywhere."
"You probably wouldn't even know Craig..."
"You mean Craig Mitchell?"
"Is that Brett Reilly?" Craig's muffled voice came through the wall.
"Dude!" Brett exclaimed. "No way!" He hopped off the couch and ran out to the hallway where he and Craig hugged. "Dude, I didn't know you were neighbors with Dustin!"
"I didn't know you even knew him!" Craig replied. "Sorry to hear about your brother, Reilly."
"Thanks, Mitch. I hope you're staying away from the hard stuff."
"Dude, I don't even drink," Craig replied. "Just me and my weed. As long as I can keep Red here from blowing my brains out, I'll be okay."
"Blowing your brains out?"
"Yeah, dude almost shot me fucking around with my own gun. He's lucky I still let him borrow it."
Brett's countenance changed. "Really?" he asked.
"Yeah... I... Oh... Maybe I should leave you guys to talk for a minute," Craig said. Noticing the change in the color of Brett's face. "I'll see you around, Reilly." Craig retreated to his own apartment.
Brett turned to Dustin. "You have a gun?" he asked.
Dustin didn't say anything or even look at Brett.
"What the fuck do you need with a gun?"
Again, silence.
"Dustin!" Brett snapped. "Look at me, goddammit!"
"Don't yell at me," Dustin replied weakly.
"Then don't bullshit me!" Brett replied.
"Can we not do this in the hallway?" Dustin asked.
"I swear! You're not going to need a goddamn gun because I'm going to kill you myself!"
"Brett..."
"Of all the selfish, stupid..."
"You don't know what I've been through, Reilly!" Dustin snapped.
"Yes I do, Smith!" Brett replied. "Yes I do! And it's terrible and it sucks and I hate that it happened to you! You're determined to let your past destroy you! You'll never get over it because you don't want to get over it!"
"I was raped by my goddamn father!" Dustin exploded. "How the fuck am I supposed to get over that?"
"Not by shooting yourself! Damn it, Dustin! What possible good could possibly come out of that?"
"At least it won't hurt anymore!"
"No. It will still hurt! Only you'll just spread the pain around to everyone else! My brother is dead, Dustin! You think all his problems are over? His fucking mother can barely speak right now! His father just sits there ranting like a lunatic, blaming everyone for everything! Joey didn't just destroy himself! He hurt everyone who ever loved him because he wanted a permanent solution to a temporary problem! And his death was just a stupid accident! You go through with what you're planning, and you'll do to everyone around you even worse that what your father did to you!"
"Who gives a shit about me? Who would even care if I were dead? You? My parents? My stupid sister? Sarah? Who even gives a crap?"
"Yeah, you would hurt us all! And who didn't you mention? You think Billy would ever get over it? You know he always blames himself for things that go wrong! He'd spend the rest of his life reliving that scene last night, always thinking he was the one who pushed you over the edge because he's the one who told Nate about you and Luke! You'd kill him."
"He has you," Dustin replied. "He'll be okay."
"What about Nate?"
"What about him?"
"Last thing he said to you was that he thought you were a sick fucking psychopath. You think he meant that, right after he found out you fucked his boyfriend? Or was it just an emotional outburst by a kid who just had his heart stomped on? You want that to be the last memory he ever has of you? You want him to carry the thought that what he said in anger was what drove you to kill yourself? Yes, your life sucks! And yes, it hurts! But if you think you're in this alone and that no one will care then all I can tell you is that you're a selfish bastard!"
"Why do you care?" Dustin asked. "How is it selfish if I just get out of everyone's way?"
"Because your life, as terrible as it's been affects everyone around you! There's only one of you and there's only ever going to be one of you in the entire history of the universe! Your child never even got the chance to live. Your life is a gift, Dustin! And you'd take that gift of life and you'd throw it away like it's nothing! Tomorrow could be the day when it all turns around and things start to get better, but if you decide to throw it all away then it's all over! Then you'll always be the guy who gave up and made everybody else carry his pain. Life's fucking hard, dude! Billy's dad could barely walk after his stroke. Should he have killed himself? My parents lied to me for eighteen years and then ran like cowards when the truth came out. Should I have killed myself? Billy has to wear a pair of headphones so he can deal with a fucking crowd without freaking out! Oh well! Guess life is too fucking difficult and he should just shoot himself! Goddamn! He lived in constant dread that his mom was going to find out he was gay. I guess he should have killed himself before she found out! And then she'd have never had the chance to change."
"That's different."
"It's no different! It's no fucking different! Pain is part of life! Everybody's pain is different, but it's no less painful! Billy's dad fought and scratched and clawed every day to have one more opportunity to do some good with the time he had. And when his body failed he kept on fighting. And because he did, he was there for me when I thought about giving up myself. And his lessons stayed with me so that when I went through hell with my mom and her lies I was able to not only get through it, but grow even stronger through it. And so now I'm here for you! But no, all that was worthless. He should have just killed himself."
"So I should just forget that my life's been a fucking mess and just pretend everything is okay?"
"No! That's been your solution for the last twenty-one years. It doesn't work! It's time to stop hiding behind your mask! You can't just ignore it. Deal with the goddamn problem, Dustin! I know your father raped you, dude. It sucks! But you're not alone. I know you've done things you regret. So have I. You can't let your past destroy your future! How long are you going to let your father destroy your life? I'll tell you this much, if you go through with this and you kill yourself then that disgusting, evil, son of a bitch will win!"
Before Dustin could answer, the phone in his apartment began to ring.
"You going to answer that?" Brett asked. "Who knows? Maybe that's the call that turns things around? You'll never know until you answer."
Dustin sighed. He walked into his apartment and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" he said. "Yeah... Hey Zack. Really? Already? Wow that was fast. Can you just tell me? No? Oh... Okay. So when can I... Sure, I can do that. Tomorrow morning. Yeah, Ten o'clock is fine. Okay, thanks. Bye."
Dustin hung up the phone and stood there motionless for a minute.
"Sounds like you have at least one appointment tomorrow," Brett said. "You don't want to leave Zack hanging forever do you?"
"You want to pick me up at like eight tomorrow? Maybe get some breakfast on the way?"
"You still going to be here? You know what happened the last time I went to check on a brother..."
"You don't need to worry," Dustin replied. "I'll still be here."
Three chapters to go! Thoughts? Comments? You can reach me at jkwsquirrel@yahoo.com
Next time - The Men Behind the Masks
BANG!!!!!!!!