Date: Wed, 21 Jun 2017 20:17:19 +0000 (UTC)
From: Don Cornelius <doncornelius69@yahoo.com>
Subject: We Will Remember Them Chapter 15

This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any
similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life
is purely coincidental.

THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN
TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS
TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE
TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.

The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original
story.  You may not publish it or any part of it without explicit
authorization from me.

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The weeks that followed the first week of my sophomore year were pretty
tame. I cemented the friendships I'd made and developed new ones while at
the same time I worked hard to keep the old ones from Ouichita alive.

There were times when it felt like I was walking a tightrope, trying to
make time for the people who were important to me, mostly because there
were a bunch of them. Luckily, they all mostly understood except Alan who
was between girlfriends at the time and seemed kind of lost. Willy and
Brent ended up helping him out, especially since Josh and Lane were
together pretty much constantly.

Things settled down into a nice routine, which made me comfortable and
helped with the stress. Toby, better than anyone other than Josh and Cat,
understood how much I needed that since there had been so many changes it
felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions. Don't get
me wrong, always having something to do was nice, but I needed some time to
myself just to be alone every once in a while. It was weird, but Toby never
felt slighted by it. I thought at one point he was feeling a little
irritated with me because I needed the down time, but when we talked about
it he was actually pissed because he felt like I wasn't getting
enough. Needless to say, I couldn't have asked for someone better equipped
emotionally to deal with me.

I had thought about asking Dr. Arya to let me come on Tuesday's as well for
a while, but after my freakout the Saturday after the first game, I'd been
really good. I just needed time to adjust, he'd said and I knew he was
right. After all, new school, new friends, new boyfriend... I like to think
anyone would have had a few anxious moments but I also know they wouldn't
have dealt with them quite so badly. I could give myself a break, but only
so far, which Arya reminded me wasn't enough.

There was one funny thing that happened during those first few weeks,
Carter introducing me to one of the baseball coaches. He taught biology at
Shepton and it was on my way to Algebra 2 so one day after lunch we went by
to say hello. I was nervous as hell, but Carter told me the coaches last
name was Adams and I, being a moron, took it as a sign since my middle
school football coach was named Adams and his father was my varsity
baseball coach. It never occurred to me that the Adams here might be
related to them.

As we walked into his class, students were already coming in and taking
their seats and we walked up to his desk.

He was a smaller guy than the older Coach Adams was, but definitely closer
in age to my baseball coach than my football coach.

"Carter, what can I do for you?" he asked, looking up from the lesson plan
on his desk.

"Sorry to bother you, Coach. Just wanted to bring by a new kid who is
thinking about going out for baseball in January, Rob Hallstrom."

"Nice to meet you sir," I blurted out while I sticking out my hand, which
he shook, firmly. Then he leaned back in his chair.

"Hallstrom? You didn't go to Ouichita last year, did you?"

I flushed. "Yes sir?"

He smiled broadly, "You're the guy who gave my brother fits about moving to
varsity, aren't you?"

FUCK, was all I could think.

"Yes, sir, I guess that would have to be me." I responded, while feeling
about three feet tall.

He just laughed, "My brother was really peeved at you for like a day, then
he really started to like you. I look forward to working with you in
January, son."

I smiled, "Thank you, sir. I honestly didn't think he liked me at all."

That made him laugh,"Yeah, I can see why might think that, he's got his own
way of doing things. Good meeting you. You boys get on to class."

"Yes sir," we both responded, in unison. When we got outside the door,
Carter could barely contain his laughter.

"That was AWESOME! You really gave your old coach a hard time about moving
to varsity?"

I just sighed, "Kind of. I was being stupid and didn't want the guys on JV
to think I was abandoning them. In hindsight, it was pretty dumb since
there was no way they were going to let me say no. In the end, all my JV
teammates were all really cool about it."

"That's badass... Man, you continue to surprise me. I thought you were
bullshitting about playing V last year."

That made me smile. "Nope. I wouldn't ever bullshit about something like
that. I worked too hard to get there."

"Maybe we should practice some?" he asked.

I just looked over at him, and held up my fist for him to bump. "Just tell
me when."

I also did a number of other things that could be considered amusing, like
accidentally tripping Chuck's girlfriend in the hallway one day. And at one
point I told Julian's mom her hips were big. I also decided to win Scrabble
one night with the Martin's by using profanity. And that's just the short
list of the awkward, ridiculous, and occasionally balls out stupid things I
did on a pretty regular basis.

Willy, of course, was endlessly amused by all this and at one point while
we were on Skype when Ethan was over, ran through some of my finer moments
including all the girls I'd made cry. Ethan, for his part, tried not to
laugh too hard, but his restraint only lasted about five minutes.

They both decided they should write a book about me, Profiles in Awkward,
and were quite sure it would make a hilarious movie. Ethan also shared some
of the better stories with the guys on JV and varsity, which I found out
about the Wednesday before my birthday when Toby told me about it as we
were eating dinner.

"Oh, Toby, I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

Toby interrupted me, "What are you sorry for?"

"Being such a goon at times," I responded.

Toby smiled, "That's just one of the many things I love about you. Hell,
just about all the guys thought some of the stories were hilarious. I think
Ethan is right about writing a book."

And for that, he got a tator tot thrown at him, which hit him squarely in
the forehead leaving just a slight grease mark that I didn't tell him
about.

My birthday was on a Monday and the Saturday before my father and I spent
time making sure I could nail the driving test. He'd insisted I take the
test in his Escalade, so I spent a ton of time getting used to it. Earlier
that week, Josh had asked if he and Lane could have dinner with us on
Saturday some place in Dallas. Before even checking with Toby, I told him
yes. And then felt the stress prior to even putting down the phone.

Toby had plans for us that night that thankfully wouldn't be effected
having Josh and Lane along. He was actually kind of amused that I felt bad
committing him to something without talking to him first, but he understood
it wasn't fear of him being angry with me, it was me chastising myself for
being inconsiderate. As he pointed out, he really wanted to meet my brother
and his boyfriend and I had to remind him that Lane was a good friend
independent of Josh.

While I was out driving with my father the morning of the 10th, I got a
call from Mark asking me if I'd like to spend the night. I told him I had
plans with Toby, but he said it was cool, that he'd just like to hang out
after. I asked my father if it was OK and he said yes. No questions, no
bullshit, just yes.

I think he knew something was up. I know I did. Mark and I had gotten
pretty close, but there was no way he'd call me to spend the night. I
didn't press the issue and instead texted Mark that I'd have Toby drop me
off about one.

For his part, Toby had been pretty tight lipped about what he had planned,
other than that it would be fun and I should wear something 'hot'. Throwing
dinner with Josh and Lane into the mix surprisingly didn't appear to
conflict with this plans, which made me think whatever he had planned was
probably going to happen after 10.

My father and I actually had a good time working on my driving skills that
day. Since the move, it was the first time we'd spent more than an hour or
so together, so it was nice to talk about how things were going. We ended
up talking a lot about the business and he asked how things were going with
Toby.

"They're actually going really well. He's a good guy and that's about as
far as I can go without getting mushy on you."

My father laughed, "You can get mushy on me. I'm your father, not some
weird old guy who doesn't remember what it's like to be in love."

"Yeah, but it's a little different. I'm in love with another guy, I know
it's strange for you and I know you're working on being cool."

My father sighed, "Is that really what you think? That I'm working on
accepting? Son, I'm working on understanding how you can be in love with
another guy. I'm long past acceptance."

"Well, I love him. I feel safe with him, I feel like I can let go and not
be so wound up in my head. It's like therapy but better because I know how
he feels about me." I paused for a second, looking over at him. "You have
to understand that for someone like me, it's like hitting the jackpot as
far as finding the person who is a fit for me, temperamentally."

He cleared his throat, then said, "There's not a bit of that I don't
understand, especially given the GAD. What I'm most impressed by is that
you told me those things instead of going on about being attracted to
him. I thought things were like that, but hearing it from you that way is a
relief, especially since I didn't know how he'd deal with your condition.

It's hard, as a parent, to know there's something wrong with your child..."

"Yeah, but it's manageable, with therapy. Eventually I may need to take
drugs to keep the anxiety down..."

"Kiddo, let me finish, OK?" I nodded back to him. "It's hard because you
want life to be easy for your child. You want them to be comfortable and
not live in fear. To know that their brain doesn't really handle things the
way most people do can be a little heart wrenching, but it's not because
I'm embarrassed, no matter what you might think. It's because I think in
some way I failed along the line and I can't give you the life I want you
to have."

"All this time I've been thinking you were kind of put off because I was
disabled, that I wasn't perfect. What you've really been is upset that you
couldn't fix it? Am I right?"

I looked over to see him wiping his eyes, "Pretty much. And I'm sorry if I
ever gave you that impression. I should have said something that day you
went to see Dr. Arya, but you were so upset after the conversation we had I
didn't want to make you angrier. I know I don't say it enough, but I love
you. And I always will, no matter what. I just want the best for you and
sometimes I get it wrong.

What I was going to say is that it's hard to know there's something wrong
with your child, and the only thing you hope for is that there will be
someone who comes along and makes them feel better. Hearing you say that
about Toby, and seeing how is with you, honestly makes me really happy."

I teared up a little at this point. Since moving here, I realized our
conversations had been better, deeper. I had initially decided it was
related to Toby because he really seemed to like him. But it wasn't that at
all... my father, the stoic, wasn't embarrassed of me, he was fearful for
me and that fear made him appreciate Toby in ways I hadn't considered. It
also helped me understand his motivations and in some cases provided
reasons for past behavior.

"Dad, I love you, too. I wish I could say something that would help your
worry, but I know that's not possible as you've reminded me a number of
times." That got a laugh out of him. "All I can say is I get up every
morning and do my best, just about like everyone else. And I have a pretty
decent support system here now and it's not just Toby. I have bunch of
friends at school who know how I'm wired up and can help me when I need
it. The hardest thing about all this is letting go of my pride in wanting
to handle it all internally. I can't do that. Luckily, there are a lot of
people who care about me despite not knowing me long. I'm pretty sure
that's not just because of me, but because of how you and mother raised
me."

"Well, we did do a lot of things right, but the things we got really right
were you and your sister. As long as you don't eat something she wants." We
both laughed at that since my father had been pretty roundly castigated by
Cat that morning for eating cookies she wanted for breakfast.

We stopped for lunch at one point, then got gas, and ended up driving
around checking on some of the nearby projects he had going. I was pretty
confident about the test, but I could tell the last thing he wanted was for
the day to end so I played along. To be honest, I didn't want it to either.

Eventually, we drove home so I could get ready. I packed a small bag then
went downstairs to find Toby chatting with my father. I walked up to him
and wrapped my arm around his waist while he bent his head down to give me
a quick kiss.

"Hey babe, what's with the bag?" he asked.

"Mark wanted me to spend the night so I told him I'd have you drop me off
there when we were done."

That got an eyebrow raise and he looked at me puzzled.

"I don't know, I think he wants to get to know me better. Plus, I actually
like hanging out with him. He's better at Halo than you are."

My father cleared his throat, "Y'all have fun and don't forget we're
leaving here tomorrow at ten sharp."

"Yes sir, but I'll be back early enough to eat something. Mark's mother
just makes pancakes on weekends and they're pretty bad."

When we got on the road, Toby was smiling broadly.

"You're really that excited to meet Josh and Lane?" I asked, wondering what
the smile was all about. He picked up my hand which was clasped with his
and kissed it.

"Yep. I'm also excited about what we're doing later with them and then I'm
excited about spending the night with you at Mark's."

"You planned me spending the night?"

He laughed, "Actually Mark did since his parents are gone for the
weekend. I would have told you about it, but we both thought it would be
better if we didn't put you in a position to lie to your father."

I just sat there thinking. They were absolutely right, I'd have blown it
especially given how my father was today. I was seeing different pieces of
him and it made me just love him more. No matter what, he was still my
father and I wouldn't have been able to convincingly lie to him.

"Please don't be upset," Toby said, the worry clear in his voice from my
lack of response. "I promise, we can do as little as you want. Hell, we can
sleep in separate rooms or whatever. I didn't mean for this to feel like we
were ganging up on you."

"Toby, stop it. I'm not mad at all. You guys did the right thing for the
right reason and it's going to work out. I trust you. I also love you and
believe me, every nasty thing you've thought about doing to me I've thought
about doing to you," I finished, smiling at him.

The relief was evident on his face, "Right now, all I want is just to hold
you as you fall asleep."

I looked over at him, eyes glistening, and said, "That's definitely going
to happen. But I just want it to be after some other stuff. Like having you
fuck the hell out of me."

He swerved a bit while trying to relieve some sudden pressure in his
crotch.

"You don't think it's too soon?" he asked.

I looked out the window, smiling. "Nope. I know I'm in love with you, not
your body, and I'm certain you feel the same way," I looked back over at
him, "Tell me I'm wrong."

He grasped my hand just a little tighter, for a second, as we got on the
tollway to head into Dallas. We were meeting Josh and Lane at a place we'd
been to before with Neil off McKinney. The drive was really nice,
everything with him was so effortless and easy that it sometimes felt like
a dream. Even talking on the drive down, which was mostly about
weightlifting since he'd been with Mark earlier and I was just getting
started again, was nice. It's hard to explain how a conversation you could
possibly have with anyone is just different with someone you love. It's
better and even if the words are the same, somehow they take on a much
deeper meaning.

We ended up being about fifteen minutes early, so we told the maitre d' we
were there, but in the bar waiting for the rest of our party. We ended up
having a nice conversation with the bar tender who wasn't too upset that we
were just drinking soda she said because we were 'such a cute couple'. And,
seriously, what better way to get a large tip than by feeding the egos of
two newly in love gay boys?

Josh and Lane came in a little while later and I introduced them to
Toby. Lane gave him a hug and Josh held out his hand, which Toby took and
then pulled him into a hug. I think it caught Josh a little off guard,
which made me laugh internally because that rarely happened.

The conversation was pretty good at first with all of us talking about how
we knew one another. Josh and Lane heard Toby's version of The Night We Met
which was surprisingly different from my version. It's funny how two people
can give almost completely different versions of the same event, yet
neither are really wrong. Toby was right about the details, especially the
ones I'd forgotten about, but hearing things from his perspective for the
first time was really cool. It was just one more thing that let me know how
he felt about me and it made me feel secure with him all over again.

After we ordered, he and Josh started talking about football and Lane and I
caught up on some things, including a message from Christopher that he and
Darren wanted to have dinner with us soon so I made a mental note to set
that up. He also mentioned that Mandy had asked how I was doing.

"What did you tell her?" I asked.

"I told her the truth, that you were doing well and that you'd met someone
really special to you."

I got in a little closer to him, "How did she react? Was she fishing for
information to tell Kurt?"

At that moment, as soon as I said Kurt's name, Toby's hearing amped
up. Neither Lane nor I were aware of it. While we were at the same table,
we were talking quietly enough that we assumed he couldn't hear. Nothing
could have been further from the truth.

"No, she's as angry with him as we were, especially after we told her the
full story. She was actually wanting to know if you were alright."

I sat back for a second, then answered, "Please tell her I'm fine and I'm
not mad at her."

"OK, I will."

At that point Toby interjected, "Kurt? Your ex?"

I looked over at him, with this look of surprise on my face and he just
smiled at me, "Yeah, I pick up on certain names."

Josh cleared his throat, "He told you about Kurt?"

I jumped in, "We haven't gone over the whole story, but he knows he's my ex
and that he cheated on me," I said to Josh. Then, looking at Toby, "Mandy
is a friend of ours and she's Kurt's cousin. She was just wondering how I
was doing. I'm guessing she feels weird contacting me since her cousin was
a cheating bastard, so she asked Lane how I was doing."

He raised an eyebrow looking at me, "The WHOLE story?"

"Yeah, with all the details. It hasn't come up and, honestly, I'm kind of
glad of that since he is a miserable person and I'm glad he's out of my
life." I paused for a second, then continued, "What I haven't told you will
honestly just piss you off. And Josh already beat the shit out of him."

"Hey, that reminds me. He's back on his feet again, maybe Toby should go
fuck him up."

I glared over a Josh, "NOT FUNNY, JOSH."

Which, predictably, made Josh laugh, "Yeah, it is."

Toby, not missing a beat, "It actually is pretty funny. I mean, I wanted to
beat the shit out of him the night we met..."

"Wait, you wanted to kick his ass and you didn't know him?" Lane asked, his
voice betraying surprise.

Toby just looked over him, "Well, yeah. You guys didn't see... it's hard to
explain, but when we were talking, getting to know one another, there was a
moment when I could see this pain in Rob, and I knew it had to have been
him. It was, uhm, I don't know, this uncertainty and fear, partly from not
knowing if someone was really interested in him or just in how he looked,
but mostly from the cheating. It made me mad and I wanted to beat the
person who did that to him, who made him worry about that."

Lane and Josh both traded looks which I couldn't read, then Josh spoke up,
"Man, I love you already."

We ended up talking throughout dinner, mostly telling stories about funny
things I'd done, some of which Toby had already heard about from either me
or Willy via Ethan. I couldn't have hoped for things to have gone better
that night. It made me feel fantastic to know they were getting along so
well with Toby.

By the time we asked for the check, it was clear they really liked
him. When they brought the bill, Josh and Toby both tried to pay it and I
pulled out my card and handed it to the server. Toby just looked at me like
I'd grown two heads.

"Why didn't you just let us split the thing..."

"Because it would have taken longer. We've been out three times this week
and you've paid every single time. Just let me get this."

"But..."he started to say and I stopped him quickly.

"But what? I can't ever pay? Boy-o, you're going to have to realize
something but quick. I get that you want to do things for me, but damnit, I
want to do things for you, too. So you're going to let me, understood?" I
knew where 'boy-o' came from. It was my grandfather. He used that with me
in a variety of situations, all which indicated I should pay attention. And
I'd never done it before, with Toby or anyone.

He looked a little shocked and hung his head a bit with this grin that
clearly revealed he knew he was wrong. Then he looked over at Josh and
said, "I think we just had our first fight," which made both Josh and Lane
laugh.

"Honestly, that is about as bad as it gets with Rob. And ten minutes from
now, you'll never know he was angry."

"Josh,"I whined, "Would you please not talk about me like I'm not here? And
I'm not angry, just irritated."

Toby, grabbing my hand, said, "I already know what he's talking about. You
don't hold grudges and it's one of the things that makes you so beautiful."
He leaned over and kissed me and suddenly the irritation I'd felt just
dissipated.

And then Josh piped up, "Our sister, on the other hand, she holds a
grudge. Be very careful," he said, laughing.

Toby didn't miss a beat, "I think my brother has already figured that out."

Josh looked confused but Lane got it and spoke immediately, "Oh, don't tell
me..."

"Yep. They're both in eighth and at the same school. WE," I said, gesturing
to myself and Toby, "had absolutely nothing to do with it."

"Oh, boy. Well, if he's anything like you he should be able to handle it,"
Josh said to Toby.

Right then the server came back with the check, I signed and we got up to
leave. We walked out into a fairly nice early fall night. It was still
warm, but the humidity was down so it actually felt good. Toby asked if he
could talk to Josh about something for a second and Lane and I stepped away
from him, over to Lane's car, which they'd driven into town.

"So, how was he on the drive up?" I asked. Josh had a problem with Lane's
driving. To be honest, I think it was just that Josh liked to be the one to
drive, Lane may drive a little fast at times, but I always thought he was
pretty good driver.

"Not bad, actually. I asked him not to be a bitch and of course he got his
feelings hurt, but the message was received. I swear, he'd be perfectly
happy if I'd never gone for my license."

"Yeah, I got nothing. Who knows why he is the way he is. I know he's not
trying to control you..."

"No, I know it's not that. It started after the damn thing last May. It's
like he thinks he can keep something bad from happening to me. I really
don't mind much but I DO like to drive."

"Well, I have an idea what he's dealing with. It may be worth it for him to
go to therapy. He was out of his mind when you were in the hospital and if
this is some sort of thing he's doing in his head, it's better to be
proactive about it, you know?"

"Yeah. I really hope that's not it."

I laughed, "Why? You couldn't control it or his reaction to it. He loves
you. It's natural."

He smiled back at me, "Toby loves you, too. He looks at you like Josh looks
at me. He even steals glances."

"What do you mean?"

Lane coughed a bit, "He glances at you when he knows you're not looking. I
don't think Josh noticed it, but I did. And he smiles when he does it. It's
so fucking subtle you'd never see it in a thousand years, but he does and
it's so cute. Please don't say anything to him. I want to see if your mom
notices it when she meets him."

"Next weekend..." I said.

"You're not nervous about it, are you?" Lane asked.

I sighed, "Of course I am, but that's mostly the GAD. I know Toby and I
know my mother, I think they'll get along well. Still, you know the way my
head works."

About that time the boys walked up and Toby wrapped his arms around me.

"OK, I made plans to get us into a gay club tonight and I'd love it if you
guys would join us," he said.

Lane and Josh both looked at him with the question clearly written on their
faces, "How the hell did you do that?"

Toby explained, "One of the guys I played with my freshman year is a
bouncer at S4. So, I asked if he could sneak us in before midnight which is
when they start letting in people who are under 21. He's even got it fixed
with one of the bartenders, but we have to pay cash and be really careful."

Josh smiled, "Oh, man, that's awesome! Yeah, we're totally in!"

"Cool, we have to hit the door at nine, so we have about an hour to
kill. You guys want to get some dessert? I know Rob does." And that earned
him an elbow to the ribs.

Lane asked, "Isn't there a Marble Slab around here?"

"Yep, we can walk there." I responded, quickly, which prompted laughter
from Toby.

After ice cream, which was quickly becoming my high calorie way to needle
Toby, we got in our cars and drove over to Cedar Springs. After parking, we
ended up in line just around nine. Toby, for his part, was beaming. There's
just no other way to put it. It started right as he and Josh came back over
to us and just seemed to continue. I swear it was like he'd grown a little
bit and even his manner with me had changed, but just in a very minor,
barely noticeable, way. It was like he was suddenly more confident.

I just didn't know why.

I put it toward the back of my mind, thinking I was imagining it. Then we
got to the front of the line and ran into Gary, the guy he'd played
football with.

"Dude, you look fucking badass!" Gary told him.

"You too, man. I see you're still lifting heavy." Toby responded.

Gary ducked his head a little, then looked back up, "Well, it makes it
easier to toss around the more belligerent straight guys who end up here
occasionally. And it's also pretty good for getting laid." He paused for a
second, looking us over, "It's the four of you?"

"Yeah, man... this is my boyfriend Rob, his brother Josh and his boyfriend
Lane."

Gary took a moment to look me up and down, then held out his hand, which I
shook. "Really good to meet you, Rob. Toby is a really good guy."

I just smiled back at him, "Thanks and it's good to meet you as well."

With that he let us through and Toby got the cover for the four of us. Then
we walked into the club itself, which was pretty awesome. My only
experience with a gay club had been in New York when Richard snuck me into
one. S4 was different, certainly larger, and I just thought it was the
coolest thing. I've heard older gay guys talk about their first trip to a
gay bar and I always think back to this night. It's just freeing for some
reason, even for people like me who aren't in the closet and generally have
no hang ups about letting people know we're gay. I heard someone refer to
bars and clubs as gay church, not because of any religious reason, but
because of fellowship. It was the one place you could feel safe and not
judged.

Well, at least not judged for being gay. Your hair and what you were
wearing, however, were up for discussion by the queens.

We walked around the lower part of the club,then went upstairs
exploring. There was a big bar upstairs where Gary had us set up with a
bartender he played rugby with. Toby took care of drinks and we stood there
talking.

"I really like him," Lane said. Josh just nodded his affirmation. It felt
good to see how well Toby meshed with them and gave me confidence that his
trip to Ouichita the next Sunday would go really well.

Toby walked up, giving us all rum and cokes. I know it shouldn't have been
such a big deal, but when you're a kid in high school, something like this
is just cool as hell.

I looked over to see Toby grinning at me, "Having fun?"

I reached over to pull him closer to me, "Oh yeah! Thank you for doing
this, babe!"

"Happy Birthday!" he said, smiling.

We made our way back downstairs and noticed the dance floor was mostly
empty, perfect for the four of us. Of course, the more the merrier and
within about fifteen minutes, the floor wasn't really crowded but it was
far more occupied than before.

Toby, surprisingly for a jock, was actually a pretty good dancer. There
wasn't any of that typical white boy crap with the thumbs hooked into
pockets and the tongue coming out of the mouth just slightly. Instead, the
boy could MOVE and he was confident. More than once I had to glare at some
guy who was openly ogling him.

Yes, I was absolutely jealous. I didn't think Toby would cheat, but I sure
as hell didn't want someone fucking up my birthday even if the risk was
non-existent. No, it wasn't 'like' me, but I was beginning to understand
that with Toby there were a lot of things I was comfortable doing that
weren't 'like' me.

We danced for about an hour, then went back up to get more drinks. The bar
was starting to fill and it felt better with all the people, not worse. I
stood there people watching while the guys went to the bathroom. They'd
been gone maybe ninety seconds before someone came up to me.

"Hey, are you guys here as a group?" he asked. He was a very attractive
guy, decently built, dark hair and eyes flashing a really killer smile
framed by thick, full, lips.

"Kind of, it's my brother, his boyfriend, and my boyfriend. We're out for
my birthday."

"Really? How old are you?" he asked with a damn wicked grin. "I'm David, by
the way."

"Rob," I said, shaking his hand, "Nice to meet you. I just turned 21 so
we're out celebrating."

"WOW... let me buy you guys a round!"

NOPE, was the only thing that went through my head. "Hold up, please. Let's
wait for my friends to get back."

While we waited, I discovered that it was surprisingly easy to talk to
him. He asked if this was my first time here and where I went to school. I
told him SMU, but that I just moved here so it was my first semester in
Dallas. I thought I was playing it pretty well. David, it turned out, had
just moved to Dallas as well from the east coast after finishing school at
UVA.

Toby walked up with a curious look on his face, but he didn't appear
worried in the least. He was actually smiling a bit as he walked to me,
gave me a kiss and with his arm around my waist introduced himself to my
new friend. I filled him in on what we'd talked about and mentioned that
David wanted to buy us a round of shots.

With that, his smile got really broad. He leaned in close to David and
said, "I can't let you do that, man. We're all under 21. A friend let us in
early, but please be cool about it."

David was nodding his head, then looked at me as Toby finished. "I thought
you looked younger than 21!"

"I'm sorry about lying to you. I just didn't want to get busted."

"It's cool, and I appreciate you guys being honest. I was hoping to make
some friends which was why I came over and talked to you."

Toby spoke up, "Well, we do actually know some people. The big bouncer
downstairs is Gary and he's actually a friend of mine. The bartender is
Kevin and he's really cool. He plays rugby and I'm pretty sure from the way
he keeps glancing at your ass that he'd really like to meet you."

David blushed and smiled, "Maybe you can introduce me?"

"I'd love to. But I also want to take you down to meet Gary. When our other
friends get back, we'll do that first."

Two minutes later, Toby took off with David and I filled Lane and Josh in
on what was happening. Josh went to the bar to get us another round and we
waited for Toby. It wasn't long before he came bounding up the stairs, very
alone.

"Where'd David go?" I asked.

"He and Gary hit it off. Gary took a break and they are getting to know one
another. I think they will be getting to know one another later, too." he
said, smiling.

We talked about going to the drag show, then decided to dance more. It was
a great night and as we were walking out the cars about 1230, Josh pulled
me back a bit and hugged me to him.

"You know, I've been so worried about you and I realize I can relax a
bit. He's a good guy and I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks, bro, it means a lot to me that you like him."

"I know and I do. But what I really like is how he treats you."

I laughed, "What about how I treat him?"

"Well, that's important but less so to me. He's not Kurt and I'm glad of
that. Beating his ass would be a lot more difficult."

We all hugged and said our goodbyes. Toby drove us back up the tollway and
dropped me at Mark's, telling me to go around to the back. He was going to
park his car a few blocks away to make sure no one would see it which made
me laugh since the only one who would matter was obviously my father.

I sat there on the deck waiting for him, thinking about the night and how
much it meant to me to have Josh and Lane here. As much as I'd tried to
readjust, there were still times when I missed seeing them every day and it
was hard. Josh WAS my brother, probably more now than at any time in the
past. I thought of him like I thought of Cat, as my family. Long after our
parents were gone, we'd be there for one another and it hurt not seeing him
every day.

Toby walked up a little while later and I was so in my head I didn't even
realize it until he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.

"You thinking about Josh?" he asked.

I looked up at him and smiled, "Yeah. Tonight was really special and I
can't thank you enough."

"Oh, I can think of a way. Come on."

We found the key the Ambrose's hid for one of the back doors, and Toby
punched in the alarm code, then re-armed it once we were inside. We quickly
made for one of the guest bedrooms, went inside, and locked the door. He
turned to me and walked up, grabbing my ass and lifting me up. I wrapped my
legs around his waist and we stood there, just like that, kissing and
holding one another. After a few minutes, I whispered in his ear to let me
down and I stood there in front of him, running my hands all over his still
clothed upper body, then making a move to strip off his shirt. We took our
time stripping one another, enjoying the feeling of just being together,
the two of us, and knowing that the connection we felt was about to get a
whole lot deeper.

There wasn't any need to fumble around or rush, it was just smooth,
perfectly even.

When we were both down to our underwear, it was obvious he was quite a bit
larger than Kurt, closer to Bruce if anything. I knew I could take it, but
I knew it was going to hurt. I reached for his underwear and he said,
"Stop."

I looked up at him, unsure, only to find him smiling.

"This may be your birthday, but I want to unwrap you first. Consider it an
early birthday gift to me." I smiled back at him and nodded.

He knelt down and slowly slid my underwear off, then leaned back and softly
said, "So beautiful." Then, in one smooth motion, he took me all way into
his mouth. I wasn't nearly as big as him, but I was above average and
taking me all the way was pretty impressive, at least from my
perspective. And his skill was incredible. Brian had been good. Christopher
had been good. Kurt was decent, but not great mostly because he'd always
rather fuck than suck.

He was running his hands all over my legs and ass as his mouth did
incredible things to my dick. It was unbelievable and my knees started to
buckle. He grabbed my ass, picked me up as he stood, and carefully laid me
on the bed, never taking his mouth off me.

Once I was down, he took me all the way, and as my breathing got more
rapid, I felt his tongue, which had been doing wonders, leave his mouth and
hit the lowest part of my dick and the upper part of my balls. I felt the
rise and realized I was close.

"Toby, baby, I'm about to cum..." which only made him pick up speed and
then the world exploded as my entire body went numb, flooded with pleasure,
as he sucked my balls dry. I couldn't move as the orgasm subsided, even
enough to raise my head. I laid there, completely blissed out, staring up
at the ceiling until Toby's face came into view and he kissed me.

"Damn, I guess I did pretty good!" he said.

It took me a minute to respond, "That was absolutely amazing."

"I've wanted to do that since the night we met. Happy birthday, baby."

He laid down next to me, tracing patterns across my chest and stomach
lightly with just the tips of his fingers. I could have died right then and
been totally happy. When I finally recovered enough, I raised up, to kiss
him and he pulled me on top of him. I straddled his body, his now wet
boxers pressed against the naked flesh of my ass, and I could feel him at
full mast.

We made out for probably ten minutes, with me working on his neck, jawline,
and ears, flicking my tongue against his skin as I kissed him lightly,
eliciting the most beautiful moans from deep within him as he laid back and
enjoyed my efforts. When I felt like I had him worked up enough, I pulled
away and looked him in the eyes.

"Toby, I want you inside me."

His face was filled with anticipating and excitement, even if his words
didn't convey it.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

I smiled back at him, "Yes, I'm absolutely certain."

He gently pushed me off, then rose up, stripping his dogwater soaked
underwear. My guess about him being hung like Bruce was sickeningly close
to accurate with one big difference... he was thicker. I knew this was
going to hurt, but I wanted it more than I'd wanted anything in my life. I
needed it. This was something I had wanted since the night we met, and I
wasn't going to let tonight pass without it.

He dug in his bag and came back with lube and a condom. I took the condom
from him, opened it and began working it onto his rock hard cock, knowing
that it would only build the excitement he felt.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked.

I responded, quickly enough to bring a smile to his lips, "Missionary. I
want to be able to see you."

I laid back on the bed while he prepped me, using what felt like half the
lube in the bottle. At first, I thought about telling him 'not too much'
but then the thought of the girth hit me and I kept quiet. He worked my
hole with his finger, small circles around it and then gently pushing in,
first one finger, then two, and then a third. It was getting easier and I
started to push back, to let him know I was ready.

With three fingers inside me and as he massaged my prostate from within, he
bent over me and kissed me, deeply. This was lust and he was definitely
revealing a dominate side to him that was a real turn on as his gentle kiss
turned into a full on tongue fuck that left my head spinning. As he pulled
away, a big smile on his face showing me he was pleased with the effect he
was obviously having on me, I gasped out that I was ready.

He pulled out his fingers, lubed himself up, and began to enter me. The
pain was great, but surprisingly not too much worse than with Bruce, at
least for the first four or five inches. The rest was uncomfortable and
there were a few times I'd gasp and he'd stop, holding position. Knowing
how it must have felt to him, and the grim reality that if he'd decided to
plow right in there was nothing I could do to stop him, his self restraint
was unbelievable. Of course, it didn't occur to me that he knew damn well
the kind of pain it would cause me and that was absolutely the last thing
he wanted.

After about five minutes, with I'm not sure how much in, he began to stroke
which sent jolts of pleasure through my body. It wasn't just the constant
contact with my prostate, he was so big he hit every nerve cluster in my
ass without even trying. As I moaned, he began to work his hips, focusing
on my reaction to various ways he moved, figuring out rapidly that moving
to the left would elicit the best response and he was quickly rewarded with
his prize, my second orgasm of the night. It wasn't a big load by any
means, but I was shocked there was anything left in me.

What I did not feel, as I came down from the high, was his nut inside me,
but I did feel something else, his pubic hair on my ass. He'd done the same
thing Bruce had done to me, used an orgasm to go all the way in. But,
unlike Bruce, he was touching something inside me that felt amazing.

He bent down to kiss me, once again very deeply and taking full possession
of my mouth. There wasn't any hesitation, this was complete and total
confidence on the part of a man regarding his abilities. And he was
absolutely right. My poor body was delivering so much information to my
brain I thought it was going to melt down, that I might actually pass
out. I read later about people having such intense orgasms that they
suffered from short term amnesia. I know if I'd known about that at the
time, I'd have been thinking 'Well, here it comes. He's going to make me
stupid'.

As he kissed me he was changing position and speed just enough and then
something happened that made us both moan. While I didn't know it at the
time, I'd relaxed enough for him to slide the head of his dick into my
sigmoid colon and the pleasure it was delivering to him was the most
intense he'd ever felt. He'd done that a number of times, he later told me,
but it never felt so intensely good before. For my part, I moaned so
loudly, so deeply, he was sure I'd come again. To be honest, I'm pretty
sure I did, but I don't think I really recognized it as the time.

He quickly picked up pace, but still working just shallow strokes and
kissing me furiously until he gasped and roared, suddenly stopping and
holding still deep inside me. If I'd had anything left, I think I would
have cum again just from the sounds he was making, they were so intense and
primal.

As he came down from his nut, he collapsed onto me, kissing me softly. We
layed like that for just a few minutes before he got up and went into the
bathroom, returning with a wet towel. I was completely spent and could
barely move, overwhelmed with the the intensity of what had happened. I
didn't even register him talking to me as he came back until he put his
hand on my side to move me over.

"Babe, I'm just going to clean you up a bit," was all he said as he moved
me gently and began to wipe up the excess residue of our lovemaking. Once
he was done, he disappeared back into the bathroom, then came back in and
climbed in bed behind me, pulling me close to him.

"Are you OK?" he asked, softly, and I felt his breath on the back of my
neck as he held me.

"Uh huh," was all I could manage before I faded out, spent and satisfied
with what had happened.

At some point in the night, I woke up, needing to pee and relieve some
pressure inside me. I tried to pull away but his arm gripped me tighter,
holding me to him.

"Babe, I have to go to the bathroom," I told him which prompted a groan and
a lift of the arm. I climbed out of bed, and quickly made my way into the
bathroom where I, unfortunately, audibly relieved myself. I cleaned up and
walked back into the bedroom, the light from the bathroom proved just
strong enough to see him smiling at me from the bed.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you but I really needed to..."

"... take a shit?" he finished, with a wicked grin, which made me smile.

I got back in bed and kissed him before turning around so he could spoon me
once more. I sighed deeply and then felt him give me a kiss, right on the
back of my neck, and say, "I love you."

I mumbled out, "I love you, too," as I once again fell asleep.

That morning, I woke a little after seven only to find him gone from the
bed. I got up to pee, then set an alarm on my phone for 830. I needn't have
bothered since less than 30 minutes later, he was shaking me gently awake,
very sweaty and very pumped from the gym.

"Hey," he said, as he bent down to kiss me.

"Good morning"I mumbled, blinking myself awake. "You went to the gym
today?"

"Yeah, Mark woke me up early and we went to get a quick workout. I was kind
of hoping you might find it sexy."

Of course, I did. His smell just did something to me, especially when he
was sweaty. It was clean and smelled like a man who'd just exerted himself,
not like someone who'd forgotten to wear deodorant. We ended up making love
again, but since I was still pretty open, he was able to get in easily and
we both came together with him deep inside me, touching that place that
made my whole body tingle.

We gently and lovingly cleaned each other up in the shower, then
straightened up the room and pulled the sheets off the bed. As we walked
into the kitchen, Mark was there making something to eat and looked over at
me grinning.

"And you thought I just wanted to play Halo..." he said with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm really glad you didn't." I responded. I noticed the time, just
before nine, and I told him goodbye and Toby walked me out. We kissed for a
long time, then I made my way down the drive to walk home. It was a really
nice morning, not humid and still cool from the night before. By the time I
got home, I was humming and reveling in how good I felt.

I quickly got in the kitchen and got something to eat. Cat was upstairs
getting ready and my father was dealing with something in his office so I
was alone with myself. Until we got in the car to drive to Ouichita.

My father had decided to let me drive which I was happy with. We got onto
the tollway and he looked back to see Cat in the back seat, reading
something while listening to her iPod. He then turned back, but stopped to
look at me.

"OK, we need to talk."

I glanced over at him, unsure where he was going but I had a sneaking
suspicion about the topic of discussion.

"OK, what do you want to know?" I asked flatly, acknowledging that he knew
something and letting him know that I was ready to spill.

"I know how guys are, especially your age. I know how I was. I'm not dumb
enough to think you and Mark played video games after your date last
night. I also know you've had sex and I'm pretty sure you and Toby finally
broke the seal last night."

"Broke the seal?"I asked with a grin.

"Don't be cute."

"I swear I'm not trying to be, it's just an expression I haven't heard
before. If you're asking if we had sex last night, yes. We had wanted to
wait until we were sure of one another."

"No regrets?" he asked.

"No sir."

"OK. Look, again, I'm not stupid. I knew this was going to happen at some
point and it's at least easier than it would be with Cat since neither of
you can get pregnant," he said, letting out a small laugh and I smiled at
him. "What I don't like is the sneaking around. Now, was that your idea or
his?"

Oh, shit. "His. I didn't know what he and Mark had planned until after he
picked me up."

"So, when Mark texted you yesterday..."

"I had no idea what was going on. I thought Mark just wanted to play games
and spend some time with me. We usually have a good time when we've been
able to hang out."

"Alright, why didn't they tell you about it?"

"They didn't want to put me in a position to have to lie to you. They both
know me well enough at this point to know I don't lie well so they took the
possibility out."

My father laughed a bit at that, "Smart. I just wanted to make sure of
that. I'll talk to Toby about the other. I don't want y'all having to sneak
around and I want to make sure..."

"We were safe, Dad. I promise. As much as I love and trust him, I don't
want to take the risk." Again, I left unsaid. I knew we'd get there, but I
also knew it wasn't right yet. After Kurt, I needed to feel it was right,
not just OK.

We talked a little more about things that were going on, current events
mostly. He wasn't at all happy with President Obama and the Republicans in
Congress. He thought the Republicans were children and the President was
far too academic. My father was a Republican, but he wasn't a
mouthbreather. And over the months prior he'd started pulling away from
candidates who were anti-gay. I never asked him about it, but I knew what
it was... he wasn't going to reward someone with a contribution who spent
time beating the shit out of his son.

The drive went quickly and we were at MoMo's just a little after 11. We
talked with her for a while and she had birthday presents for me she
insisted couldn't be opened until the morning of my birthday, except one
which I had to open there.

I unwrapped the box and beneath the paper was a green box with a ROLEX logo
on it. Inside was my grandfather's watch. I looked at my grandmother, then
at my father, then back down at the watch shaking my head.

"MoMo, this is too much. Shouldn't this go to daddy or Uncle Don?"

"No. Your grandfather wanted you to have it. I've talked to your father
about it, and we both decided it was time." She paused, clearly a little
emotional. "Your grandfather loved you very much and always said you were
special. He said in his will he wanted you to have something you'd look at
every day that reminded you of him."

I was pretty overwhelmed. Despite being the oldest grandchild, my
grandfather hadn't really doted on me, he wasn't that sort of guy. But we
were close. He loved coming to my games, whether it was football, soccer,
or baseball. We had long conversations about super heroes (he was very much
a Superman guy, I was more into Batman... and he had very definitive
opinions on the Marvel and DC universes, which I'll leave for another day
since it would literally eat up pages). What he loved most was taking me
out to the ranch on Saturday mornings to help him with things. Of course,
it meant we had to get doughnuts and coffee (black for him, a ton of milk
and sugar for me) and then lunch at a barbecue place he liked.

Those were the memories of him I cherished. I can still hear his laugh
which was always present when he'd been drinking, which was often,
especially when he had friends in town. He was a tough negotiator and
businessman, but he always treated his employees well and made sure if they
had a problem that it would get handled. When he died, his will forgave all
debts owed to the company by employees that amounted to less than $10,000,
then gave everyone a months pay.

He wasn't known for suffering fools gladly, but he always had a smile on
his face and a kind word for anyone he'd encounter. He was also a scratch
golfer and he tried to impart his love of the game to me, but he failed
since I really just enjoyed riding around in the cart with him and taking
an occasional sip of the Coors beer which was always in the cart. It was
the only time he drank beer, I think if the club rules would have allowed
him to install a minibar in the cart, he'd have done it.

One thing I was sure of is that he knew I was gay long before I'd even hit
puberty. He never had a nasty word for homosexuals and always told me when
I got older that the hardest thing I would do is be myself. I never really
understood it until I looked down at that watch. He knew me and he loved
me.

I'd been staring down at the watch the whole time I'd been thinking and
finally looked up at my grandmother and father, who was also a little red
eyed.

"Thank you for this. It means a lot to me."

"Well, you're welcome."

We talked a little more and then got up to leave. My father and MoMo were
going to eat lunch after they dropped us off at mother and Neils. As I got
out of the car, I opened her door, reached in and gave her a big hug, while
I whispered, "Thank you again, MoMo."

As I walked to the door, mother came out and waved at my father and MoMo,
then hugged Cat and I. Lunch today was just family, so we talked about what
had been going on the previous week and we caught everyone up on our
romantic lives. Well, that was mostly Cat.

Mother and I took a walk after lunch and I told her what happened which
Toby. Considering what had gone on around the Fourth of July, she was
really calm and I told her we were safe. I also told her that I was really
excited for her to meet him the next week, and she was as well. She'd
already planned to have a sort of mini-party so my friends could have a
chance to meet him that afternoon.

Lane and Josh asked how the rest of the night went so I gave them the
details from after we parted. I got into a little more detail than I had
with mother, simply because I felt more comfortable talking to them about
it.

Josh was apprehensive as I finished, "So, how do you feel today?"

I sat back on his bed, my arms stretched behind me, "I feel good. I feel
connected with him in a much deeper way now and I'm glad we waited before
jumping into bed." I paused for just a second, then looked directly at
Josh, "He's the one for me. I felt it the night we met and every single
thing he's done has reinforced that."

Lane spoke up at that point, "Yeah, I felt that at dinner last night. He
gets you like Cat and Josh do and it's really amazing to see. I'm happy for
you both."

Josh smiled at me, "I am, too. I was so prepared to go on the defensive
last night that Lane had to talk me down on the way to the restaurant. All
that died when he talked about the why he wanted to beat up Kurt."

"Yeah, I'm going to have to work on him about that. I'm also going to tell
him the whole story this week."

Lane raised his eyebrows, "You sure that's a good idea?" he asked.

Josh snorted, "Of course it is. I'd want to know if something like that had
happened to you. I still hope I never meet your father because I'd like to
do far worse to him than I did to Kurt."

"And therein lies the problem. I think Toby will react the same way when I
tell him and I don't want that..."

"After what Kurt did, what he put you through, why the hell not? Why
wouldn't you want to see more pain and suffering come his way?" Josh asked.

"Because it just hurts us, hurts our souls. It's needless vengeance for a
wrong that's already been righted. You don't continuously punish a dog for
shitting on the floor, you do it once then wait for the next time. It's the
same thing. At some point you have to let it go or it starts to poison
you."

Lane said, softly, "Rob, are you OK?"

I weakly smiled over at him, through watery eyes, "Yeah, I'm fine. Toby
beating the shit out of him would just reopen the whole wound in me from
what was one of the most painful times in my life. I don't need that, I
don't want that. What you did, while it felt good at the time, WAS AT THE
TIME and it was enough. It was actually too much but I can't and won't
fault you for it. Piling on still more just brings it all back up and
emotionally it's devastating. All it'll end up doing is tearing me up."

Josh cleared this throat, "Then you have to tell him all that, just like
that. You have to remind him what's best for you and that will help him
focus and come back to earth." He stopped, staring out the window.

"Josh?"

He looked back at me, tears running down his cheeks as his face betrayed
the guilt he was feeling, "I wasn't focused on you that night. I was
focused on hurting him. I was doing it because of what he did to you, but
that wasn't the only reason... I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to break him
down. I wanted to give him a memory he'd carry with him forever. In so
doing, I dealt out a $1000 beating for a $100 crime." Lane walked over to
where he was sitting and rubbed his back.

Josh continued, lifted somewhat by the comfort, "I don't think I'm
unique. I think Willy is the same way and our strongest desire is to
protect the ones we love. If something happens to them, and we didn't or
couldn't stop it, the need to act with overwhelming force becomes that much
stronger. It's no longer about defense, it's about punishment. I think Toby
may be the same way and the only way to get through to him is to tell him
how much it'll hurt you."

"That's what I'll do," I told him softly. "Are you ok?"

Josh looked back over at me. "I'm fine," he stopped for a moment, looking
up at Lane, "This just brought up some stuff I hadn't thought much about
and I need to work on."

Lane reached down to hug Josh as I got up to give the two of them some time
alone after telling them I loved them. I looked down at my watch, which no
one had mentioned, and saw that it was a little after two. Friends were
coming over for a party about five, so I went to my room and laid down on
my bed for a little nap, trying to build myself back up. I was, at that
point, pretty emotionally unsteady.

I woke up about 315 and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I'd
been doing that a lot lately and was hopeful it meant I was going to grow,
taller rather than just wider.

Mother came in a little while later and we stood in the kitchen talking
about school and how things were going more generally, outside of my
relationship with Toby.

At one point she looked down at my wrist, "I see MoMo finally gave you your
grandfather's watch."

I looked at it, then back at her, "Yeah, today for my birthday."

She smiled, "Good. That man loved you very much and he was desperate for
you to have something that would help you remember him."

"How did you know?" I asked.

"How did I know that he loved you or that he wanted you to have the watch?"
she asked, smiling.

"Let's hear the latter part first," I told her, laughing a bit.

"Oh, that's easy. I was in the room when Williams read the will because I
was mentioned in it. He left me that jade chess set he picked up when he
went to Hong Kong with your cousin Lawrence."

I vaguely remembered the trip, he brought me a remote controlled boat that
I absolutely loved.

"He knew I was gay, didn't he?"

She sighed, looking down at her hands, "In hindsight, yeah, I'm pretty sure
he did. He always said you were special. I remembered when he was in the
hospital, right before he died, I'd gone to visit him one afternoon when I
didn't have anything else to do and we had a really good talk.

He told me he wanted to make sure you were never afraid to be who you
were. I told him I'd make sure of that. And he looked at me with this
intensity I'd never seen from him and he said, 'It's not going to be easy
for him, but things are getting better. Just make sure.' That was the last
conversation we ever had."

"He never said anything about Cat?" I asked.

She laughed, "Of course he did. He just didn't worry about her as much and
they didn't have the same relationship. He loved you both, he just knew you
needed more of him. It's funny...", and she looked away.

"What's funny?" I asked.

She looked back at me and smiled, "The way the two of you are with one
another. You were so protective of her, still are, but she's that way with
you, too. And it has everything to do with who you are as a person. You
remember that day you had your deposition with the lawyers?"

"Oh how can I forget?"I replied, sarcastically.

"Well, that night when I came in to tell her goodnight, Cat said something
to me that really surprised me..."

"What,"I asked.

"She told me she was worried about you and Kurt. I told her you were more
than capable of dealing with someone like Kurt, and she said "Yeah, but
it's not in his nature. He deserves better and Kurt isn't it". I just sat
there on her bed, looking at her because, for me, she'd just put into words
a thought that had been in the back of my head for more than two months."

"What did you tell her?"

She laughed, "I told her not to worry, that you had a good head on your
shoulders and that you could definitely take care of yourself. She wasn't
having it, though, "Mom, you know that has nothing to do with what I'm
talking about. Rob's pure. He pisses me off a lot because of it, but I love
him anyway. Someone like Kurt is nothing but a drain on someone like Rob,
and it's got to be stopped.""

At this point, I started to laugh, "Josh must have talked to her."

"Nope. This was her. Your grandfather always said you were the best of both
your father and me and Cat thought so as well. At some point she overheard
it and asked your grandfather what it meant. I was livid and not about to
help him, not that he needed it. He just told her, 'Honey, you know how you
feel about your brother? Now, imagine having thousands of people feeling
that way about him all the time. It's overwhelming. He needs people like
me, your mom and dad, and YOU to be strong for him when he can't
be. Without us, he can't live the life he needs to live and without him, we
can't live the lives we want to live. You're the most special out of us
all, because God made the two of you so close.' "

"Oh, wow... "

"Yeah... Kiddo, he knew how you were wired up before we did and he talked
to both me and your father about it a number of times. He was a really
smart man and, again, he loved you very much. He just had a different
relationship with you than he did with, well, pretty much anyone else."

It was getting close to four so we started getting ready for the party. By
445, Willy and Brent were there with Alan, who'd been kind enough to drive
them since Willy's dad was getting increasingly worried about him being out
on his vocational license after hours.

I filled them in what had been happening with school and left out 'Oh,
yeah, I had sex last night and it was awesome' discussion, knowing they'd
not want to have it. Well, at least Willy and Alan wouldn't. Brent, from
the smile on his face, already knew.

We were outside, swimming, when a cold front started to blow through. It
wasn't really that much colder, but it definitely took away the desire to
stay in the pool. I could feel the drip in the back of my throat, telling
me I was allergic to something that was whipping through the air, but I
tried my best to put it behind me.

We ended up eating, then saying our goodbyes until next week. I knew next
week there'd be more people but I also knew the week after that, it would
about like it is now, just our closest friends. Honestly, I kind of thought
I might like it better that way, more relaxed, especially since my mother
already thought of Willy and Brent as part of the family.

We got back to Dallas in record time and I went up to my room to down some
meds in the hope I could shake off the cold I could already feel coming
on. When I came back into my room, I decided I needed to talk to Cat.

I knocked gently at her door, which got an uncharacteristically soft, "come
in."

"Hey Cat, how are you doing after everything today?" I asked her, pushing
the door open and propping myself up by the frame.

"I'm fine, why?" she asked, not even taking a break from makeup removal.

"I just thought you might be a little bummed after the thing with the watch
today..."

She sighed, rolling her eyes like it was the dumbest question she'd ever
heard. "Rob, why would I be upset about grandfather's watch when I can wear
it whenever I want just by asking you? Besides, he gave me something
special before he died."

I perked up,"What?"

"Can't tell you. Not yet. At least, not until I turn 16."

And suddenly, I realized what it was. "He gave you his old Mercedes, didn't
he?"

She smiled at me, then turned around and said only "Good night."

Cat had loved that car and of all the cars my grandfather owned, it was his
favorite. The damn thing was an antique, a 1970 Mercedes 280SE convertible,
which my grandfather bought when my father was born. It was a pretty
curious purchase for my grandfather who at that point was pushing forty and
who had just had his first child. Still, for him it was a symbol of the
success it had taken him so long to achieve, an impractical and expensive
car that he'd had his eye on for a while. Never mind the bullshit flying
from some of the old timers about buying shit off the Germans (I mean, come
on, at that point World War 2 was more than 25 years in the past), HE
wanted it and by God, he had the money for it. And for the kid.

He ended up buying a sedan as well for my grandmother to drive, which
lasted about four months before it was traded in for a Cadillac. SHE
definitely had her own ideas about cars.

It wasn't curious at all that would be my grandfather's gift to my
sister. I knew it had to be going to someone since the damn thing had been
sitting under a tarp in storage since he'd died. I had no idea how much it
was worth, nor did I care. It relieved me of some of the guilt I was
feeling about the watch and it also gave Cat something to look forward to
since, in a little more than 2 years, she'd probably be driving the damn
thing.

I woke up the next day with a bit of cold, but nothing too bad. I medicated
myself and made sure I had stuff for throughout the day and went on to
school. The one thing I was focused on, come hell or high water, was taking
my driving test and there was no way my father would have allowed that if
I'd stayed home sick.

At breakfast, my father, Cat and Mrs. Witsun gave me a wonderful birthday
serenade and stack of well buttered and syruped waffles with candles in
them. We'd already agreed we'd go out to dinner that night so this morning
wasn't supposed to be a big deal.

About 815 Toby showed up and, after being reminded by my father that he'd
pick me up at three for the thousandth time, we took off for school.

We found a space in student parking and he leaned over to kiss me, causing
me to pull back. With a confused look on his face, he asked, "What's
wrong?"

I cleared my throat, realizing I was fighting a losing battle, "Babe, I'm
sick and I'm not about to get you sick. The only thing keeping me going
right now is cold medicine and my driving test."

He broke into a warm smile, then leaned in again and before I could pull
away, got his kiss. "I'm not worried about a little cold." He stopped, just
looking into my eyes for a second, "I got you something."

He reached behind him and brought out a little Burberry bag, which he
handed to me. I made short work of the inside to find the wallet that was
there, a very cool London check that I'd never told him I wanted, but
really did.

"How did you know?" I asked him, eyes moist with the allergies. Yeah, it
was all allergies.

"Saturday night, when you took out your wallet, I noticed it was
Burberry. I'd thought it was Coach and that's what I got you, but once I
knew that I had feeling you'd like another. I mean, I've already seen the
way you are about Vans." He finished with a laugh. "So, I went to NorthPark
yesterday and took care of it."

"Babe, this is way too much..."

"No, it's not."

"OK, I'm not going to argue with you," I said, trying to be agreeable. Then
I leaned over to kiss him, and when I pulled back, told him, "Thank you,
and I love it!"

"That's all I wanted, babe," he said, his incandescent smile lighting up my
chest.

I got out so he could head to West. After waiving bye to him, I walked into
school and met up with the other kids in the cafetorium. A few people knew
it was my birthday, so as soon as I got it from one, I got it from five or
six others along with the question of the driving test.

As we walked to English, Seth asked if I knew what I was getting and I just
said, "I hope a license. I'll worry about a car later."

The day passed, slowly and frustratingly. I know it was because I was sick,
there was just no way around that. I always got this way when I was ill,
just impossible to be around and cranky as hell. Luckily I didn't snap too
many times and, at three, the office called me up and I went with my father
to take my test.

I could see from the look on his face he knew I was sick. He didn't make a
big deal of it, signing me out and we went to the car. As I buckled up, he
reached over and felt my forehead.

"Well, it doesn't feel too hot."

"It's not. I'm pretty well medicated, but I know I'm going down for the
count after dinner. I just wanted to make it through today and get this
over with."

He laughed, "And you thought there was no way I'd let you take the test if
you stayed home from school?"

Which caused me to turn quickly to him, "Tell me I was wrong."

"Nah, you nailed it," he responded, smiling. "OK, let's go get your
license."

The drive over to the DPS office didn't take too long and ninety minutes
later, I was in the Escalade with an officer. The whole thing took about
thirty minutes and at the end, I got my temporary. My father tossed me the
keys to the Escalade as we walked back out and said, "It's yours for a
year. If you drive it a year without an accident that's more than fender
bender, we'll see about getting you something else. You can put your gas on
the card I gave you and we'll settle it up at the end of the month, OK?"

I just stopped, literally, in the parking lot. I was looking at the car,
thinking about what he was saying, the test, everything. I had a license
and something to drive was all I could really comprehend, and I just
started to cry. At some point, my father stopped and looked back at me.

"Rob, what's wrong?"

I just ran up to him and hugged him as tightly as I could.

"Nothing," I said through the emotion I was feeling, "Thank you for doing
this for me and I promise I'll take good care of it."

My father hugged me back, then whispered "You're welcome, kiddo."

We both straightened up a bit, then got in the car to go to the house. When
we got there, he gave me the insurance card I needed and told me a copy was
in the glove box in the Escalade just in case. We were only there about
five minutes when Toby showed up, freshly showered from practice and
carrying another gift. My father let him in and they both came into the
kitchen. I could tell he was nervous, but I didn't know why.

"What's wrong," I asked.

He straightened up, "Nothing, I hope. How did it go?"

I looked over at my father and asked, "You didn't tell him?", which
prompted a smile and a shake of the head.

I walked over to Toby and stopped right in front of him. I could feel the
tension coming off him as I think he was sure I'd failed.

"I passed", was all I said, looking at him expressionless.

"Oh, babe, it's not a big... Wait, did you say you passed?" I nodded back
at him. He grabbed him into a hug and swung me around, finally letting me
down, "Why did you look so glum?"

"I'm not really. I didn't realize I was doing it. I think it's just the
cold."

My father cleared his throat, "I'm going to grab Cat and then let's eat."

Toby put his hand to my forehead and said, "Oh, babe, you really don't feel
good, do you?"

I smiled weakly up at him, "I'll make it. I'm just glad you're here," I
said as I reached to hug him again. It just felt so good, I didn't want to
let go. One of those moments, lost in time, that have a way of burning
themselves into your memory.

My father reappeared with Cat not long after and we went to eat at Del
Friscos. It wasn't the most festive birthday, since the birthday boy felt
pretty much like death warmed up, but everyone seemed to enjoy it including
Toby who had a contest with my father to see who could eat more (Toby, by a
dessert).

I spent the next two days at home, filled with so much cold medicine I
thought my head would explode.  Toby developed a little bit of a scratchy
throat Wednesday evening but after doping up and going to bed early, he was
right as rain Thursday.

We met after therapy for me, practice for him, and went immediately to the
JV game. Luckily, he actually wanted to go since he had so many friends
playing JV, like Ethan and Seth. Plus, the games were never really crowded,
not like the varsity games, so we could relax and be together. In public,
we may not have been obnoxious but it was clear to anyone who glanced our
way we were together. Toby could be a little over the top at times, usually
when he sensed someone staring at us, or at least that was the excuse he
used. I just thought that occasionally he needed to remind me I was his and
he was mine. At any rate, I never complained.

When the game wrapped up, I went home and after a brief conversation with
my mother and Josh, fell into a really deep sleep. It wasn't dreamless, if
anything, the dreams were vivid and they were all wonderful. Before I woke
up, the last one I had was of Toby and me, in his car with him driving,
heading down Central to what I assumed was a party. I woke up from my alarm
just as we were getting off the freeway. I don't know why, but at the time
I felt fantastic. My sinuses were clear and my energy level was back to
normal.

That Friday was unremarkable, as was the game later that night. We once
again went and ate with his teammates after, then went to a party at
someone's house. It was a completely typical Friday night and it just felt
good. By one, I was walking up stairs to my room, still very much feeling
Toby's hands on my body and loving every second of it.

That Saturday, we stayed in since he was going with us to Ouichita
tomorrow. We ate dinner with his family, then watched a movie with his
parents before I came home. During the week, he'd asked four times about
'The Whole Kurt Story' and I promised I would tell him, but we never got
around to it. I hoped against hope it wouldn't come up until I'd had a
chance to talk to him.

That Sunday, I got up, cleaned up, dressed and went downstairs about
nine. I went into the kitchen to find Toby and my father eating breakfast
together, talking about something. Toby got up and gave me a kiss, then sat
back down as I got breakfast.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked.

My father wiped his mouth as he responded, "Last weekend. I've told Toby
how I feel about sneaking around and he understands." Which prompted
furious head nods from Toby.

"OK, but you also know we're sexually active. We don't exactly want to be
ostentatious about it with you..."

"I don't expect you to be. I think there are plenty of ways for you to be
subtle without having lie to me about where you are."

"But I didn't, I was at Marks," I said, smiling back at him.

He returned my smile, clearly understanding where my head was, "Don't be
cute. Maybe this time you were, but my point is crystal clear."

"OK, does this mean Toby can sleep over occasionally?" I wanted to see how
far I could push this.

"Maybe at some point, but I'm not ready to have that discussion yet." He
looked at his watch, then said, "I'm going to work on something real
quick. We're leaving here at 10."

"Yes sir," Toby and I said, in unison.

After my father had walked off I asked him, "How bad was it?"

He looked over at me, a sly grin on his face, "Not bad at all and I get
where he's coming from. I think the only thing that saved my ass from
blistering was that we really were at Marks. Honestly, he's handling it
really well."

"He wants us to be responsible, about more than just sex. I'm not really
all that surprised."

Toby looked at me quizzically, "How do you mean?"

"I mean he likes you as a person and I'm certain he likes you with me. He
knows you're not an asshole and he realizes that even last weekend, you
engineered it so I wouldn't be put into a position to lie to him. I know he
respects that because it shows how much you care for me and my relationship
with him.

And we're totally christening my room at the first opportunity."

We ended up cleaning up breakfast after and made sure to leave enough out
for Cat who showed up at 945 to eat. At ten my father reappeared and he
took Cat with him while Toby rode with me. I'd told my father there were
some things Toby and I needed to discuss on the way home, so he agreed to
stay in Ouichita and then pick up Cat when it was time for us to head home.

On the drive down we talked a little, but not a lot. He was pretty calm, or
at least seemed that way. By the time he got to my grandmother's he was
almost chipper.

My grandmother was remarkably nice to Toby and while she had problems with
us being boyfriends, she was genuine with him, at one point pulling him
aside and telling him that he better treat me very well.

The nervousness didn't set in until we were on the way to mother and
Neils. At one point, Cat and I were both telling him to relax, that mother
was going to love him.

Before we were even parked, my mother was out the door with Neil waiting on
us to get out of the truck. I ran and grabbed Toby's hand and walked over
to them, releasing it to give my mother a hug while Toby and Neil shook
hands. When we parted, my mother looked at Toby, then wrapped him in a hug
as well. She whispered something in his ear, but I never found out what it
was... neither of them would ever tell me. Whatever passed between them,
when they parted they were both all smiles.

We went in and sat down for lunch after Josh and Lane came in. Mother sat
at one end of the table, Neil at the other. Cat and I were opposite one
another close to mother and Toby was next to me with Lane to right, across
from Josh. The conversation was good, with Toby telling Neil and my mother
about himself and some of the things we'd been up to. Cat told stories
about Reese, who was clearly beginning to warm up her cold heart, and who
mother insisted she had to meet as soon as possible.

For my part, I was as calm as I think I've ever been. I really felt good,
centered, since I was surrounded by the people I love and it was clear they
were going to like Toby at least as much as I did.

After lunch, we stayed and cleaned up while Toby and my mother went for a
walk. I was nervous for him, but I knew he could handle it. She knew he was
important to me and I'd made her promise me, earlier in the week, not to be
unnecessarily rough on him.

Josh, Lane, and I disappeared into Josh's room to talk and play games. Josh
asked at one point if we'd had the 'The Talk' and I told him we hadn't yet,
but that I was planning for it tonight.

Maybe an hourlater, mother knocked on the door and asked to talk to me. I
got up and followed her to my room, asking where Toby was.

"He's helping Neil with some things, I wanted to give us some time to
talk," she said, smiling.

"I take it from your smile you really like him?"

She sighed, "Yeah, but not just from the talk. Do you know he looks at you
on the sly when you're distracted?"

"Yeah, Lane said something about it last weekend after we had dinner."

She was beaming at this point, "It's one of the cutest things I've ever
seen, it's like he has to make sure you're still there and that everything
is still real. He has the slightest grin on when he does it."

I cleared my throat, still not completely free of the aftereffects of my
cold, "You didn't tell him you saw him, did you?"

"Oh, God, no! It's just one of those things you can't fake and it was clear
as day how much he loves you."

"So you approve?"

"Would it change anything if I didn't?" she asked, completely serious.

"Yes ma'am, it would. I wouldn't break up with him immediately, but I'd
like to know why you thought the way you did and then I'd probably see if I
could figure out if what upset you was serious or if it was something
trivial. I love him, mom, there's no way around that. But I love and
respect you and your judgment."

"Well, you've nothing to worry about. I really do like him. He's smart,
witty, and very much in love with you. If he has a fault, it's that he's
almost too earnest but I think that was just him being nervous. He's so
desperate not to make a mistake..."

"He was more nervous about meeting you than he was meeting daddy."

She laughed at that, "Any idea why?"

"He knows how much I love you. At the time he met daddy, I was still angry
about the move. Plus, he read daddy to a T... big jock football player with
a good head on his shoulders is just the thing for his baby boy, if he HAS
to be a homo."

That really got a laugh out of my mother. I continued, "With you, he knows
how close we are and he knows the backstory going back to when daddy moved
out. He knows how much I value your opinion. I don't blame him for being
nervous."

"Well, I don't either," she said, as she walked over to give me a hug with
glistening eyes. "He's a good guy and so far I love the way he treats
you. If that changes..."

"I'll walk away. Trust me on that."

"I know, sugar. You've grown up a lot more in the last year than I would
have liked, but in the end it's been for the best. You've always been a
good person and what you've been through didn't beat that out of you, it
made you stronger. It's hard for me to put into words how proud I am of the
man you're becoming," she finished, hugging me tightly.

"Thanks mom," I said, through my own tears.

Mother pulled back, straightening up a bit, "Now, let's go see what Neil is
doing to him and make sure HE still wants to stick around."

We walked through the house and out to the patio where the outside kitchen
was. Toby was scrubbing down the grill grates while Neil was washing them
off with a hose.

Neil just looked over at us, "I get now why Trautman hates cleaning these
damn things. We need to start taking them off and running them through the
washer after we use it."

I walked over to Toby who was almost done scrubbing down the last grate.

"You OK?" I asked.

He looked up, smiling at me, "Yeah, I'm used to helping my dad with the
grill. Of course, it's not like the set up Neil has here, but cleaning is
still cleaning."

We started bringing the food out and a little while later the guests
started to arrive. I introduced people to Toby, who ended up being a far
bigger hit with my friends than I ever would have thought. Willy and Brent
at one point late in the afternoon told me I had their permission to marry
him. I'd been most worried about them being protective, not in terms of
scaring him off but in terms of continuously drilling home the point that
they would seek revenge if he hurt me. I asked him about it at one point,
after we'd been separated for a while, and he just said he'd gotten it from
a few guys, but that everyone was really cool.

I breathed a sigh of relief, not because I didn't like them thinking about
me, but because it told me they were being at least a little more subtle
than I thought they would be.

Toby just smiled at me, sensing the relief, then put his arms around my
waist and looked down into my eyes, "They love you, Rob. I'd expect nothing
less than the warnings I've been given."

I grabbed his head and brought him down a quick kiss, then let him go so we
could return to the party. As soon as I turned around I saw Darnell looking
at me and smiling. I walked over him, Toby in tow, and asked if they'd met.

"Yeah, and I like him," was his response. Then, "You mind if we talk one on
one for a second?"

I looked over at Toby and he just nodded with a smilie, walking off toward
Josh who was in the middle of a story about me surfing which he embellished
substantially (I'd heard that one before... it was bout an alleged wipe out
that didn't happen. Well, at least not the way it did in Josh's story.).

I looked back at Darnell, "What's up, man?"

He looked down at his feet for a second, then brought his head back up. "I
didn't get it before, the whole gay thing. I mean, I'm cool with it and
you, and it's important that you know that. I don't want you to ever think
I've doubted our friendship."

"But..." I asked smiling back at him.

He sheepishly replied, "I just didn't understand how you could be into a
guy like I'm into a chick. Or how he could be into you. After today, seeing
the two of you together, I get it."

"Do you think it's because you were too focused on the gay thing?" I asked.

And it was like a lightbulb went off in his head, "Yeah, that was it. I was
too fixated on that, and not on the fact that it's a relationship just like
any other. You love him, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"And I'm sure after hanging out with him today he loves you, too. Anyway, I
just wanted to tell you that and that I'm sorry for making this about
something it really never was."

I reached out to hug him and told him thanks.

The party died down about 730 and the last of the people left about 815. It
gave us enough time to help cleanup and say goodbye to my family before my
father showed up. And yeah, it feels weird writing that because my father
is also my family, but it just makes more sense to me that way.

We said goodbye and got in the Escalade for the drive home. Cat and my
father sped off before I could even get the truck to the road which I was
glad of since I wanted to do this at my own speed and in a controlled
environment. The previous week would have been the perfect time, but for my
birthday and getting sick. This, I'd decided, was it.

We stopped and got sodas before hitting the freeway and when we got on the
road, I was locked up in my head. I knew what I needed to say, but I
couldn't make the words come out. And then I felt Toby's hand on my thigh
and I looked over at him to see him smiling and nodding his head, as if to
say, 'It's OK.'

I took a sip of my drink and started, "What I need to tell you is the story
about Kurt. I've avoided it because it was a really dark time and I just
didn't want to relive it. I lied and told myself that it was for the best,
that telling you all of it would just get you angry but that's bullshit. I
was protecting myself and I can't do that, not with you, because I don't
need to.

I need you to promise me you'll listen to me and understand how I feel when
I ask you not to act on what I'm going to tell you. I know it may not do
any good, but I hope you'll take me at my word when I tell you that doing
anything to him will just make me feel horrible, hollowed out and sad, not
because of him but because it just reopens the whole thing and I don't want
to basically relive the worst time of my life. OK?"

He cleared his throat, "I promise. I have to tell you, I may get emotional
and it may upset you but I promise I won't be upset with you, OK?" I nodded
back to him, "I'll respect what you want."

I started to tell him basically about everything that happened from the
trip to Darren's lake house until I got the final all clear. I'd thought it
would be easier, given the distance I had on it, but it wasn't and I'm
pretty sure it was because I was letting the man I loved more than anyone
know how weak and foolish I had been.

I was scared. I knew he loved me, but I gave him cutting me loose pretty
good odds.

Throughout the story, he asked questions, which I answered if I could or
told him to wait if it was something that would come up later. I got
through most of it without tears which was surprising. Time had stripped
away the clinical veneer and now all that was left was the fear,
frustration, and sadness; the open wound of a memory that hadn't quite
healed over.

Toby's reaction was, muted, at first. He asked a few questions about the
PEP and about the tests. He didn't know there was anything like PEP or that
a test could detect HIV so early. We got through most of that, and he
grabbed for my hand.

"I love you, no matter what. You were honest with me about him cheating and
I know how horrible this must have been for you and why didn't want to talk
about it. The thought of losing you..." and he broke down and cried. I'd
seen him emotional before, but never like this with his hand over his face,
trying to shield his distress from me.

I reached over and rubbed his back and put my hand on the back of his head,
playing with his hair. It always calmed me, and I thought it might work for
him. By the time we got home, he was pretty composed. We got out of the
truck and I walked him to his car. He hugged me tightly, then pulled back.

"I'm going to need a few days to take this all in, OK?"

I nodded, tears welling in my eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I
just didn't want to relive it. I know it was wrong and I hope you'll
forgive me."

He got a pained look on his face as he grasped my shoulders, staring
directly into my eyes.

"Babe, I get it and there's nothing to forgive. I made a promise to you and
now I need to work on that. I also need to work on how I deal with even the
idea of losing you. I promise, I just need some time, but it's not because
you didn't share this with me before." He then gave me a small but sweet
kiss, and opened the door to his car. He got in, waived goodbye, and then
drove off, leaving my standing there hoping like hell I hadn't just made
the biggest mistake of my life.

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com.

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