Date: Fri, 1 Jul 2016 06:25:06 +0000 (UTC)
From: doncornelius69 (at) yahoo (dot) com
Subject: We Will Remember Them Part 5

This story is a work of fiction. None of the characters are real and any
similarities between this story and/or any characters in it and real life
is purely coincidental.

THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN
TEENAGE MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS
TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, OR IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE
TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.

The author retains the copyright, and any other rights, to this original
story.  You may not publish it or any part of it without explicit
authorization from me.

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July, 2012

My mother makes the best King Ranch chicken in the universe. I have dreams
about it and at least once a month she makes one for me to take back to my
father's. I don't let him eat any of it, it's the only punishment I exact
on him and I've done it ever since he moved Cat and me to Plano.

Her King Ranch chicken is one of those comfort foods she always made when
she knew we would be a little down. And we were when we got back from my
father's condo in Breckenridge which we went to in August. The summer had
been fun and due to lack of any real competition, my team had taken first
place in the league which was like being the prettiest pig at the
trough. The day after our last game, we packed up my father's Suburban and
headed to the mountains to escape the miserable heat and humidity of a
Texas August.

We had to come back for me to start football practice and arrived home to
find the final decree of our parents divorce.

It really shouldn't have made us so down, and Cat and I handled it well,
but it hit mother hard. It's a perfect example of understanding something
intellectually but not being able to handle it emotionally. Like the person
dating a sociopath who knows, after the breakup, they were bad news but
emotionally wonders if they could have done more to keep it together. It's
not stupid, it's really human and hard to watch, especially when it's
your17 year marriage that's officially ended.

Cat and I basically helped mother keep it together for those first two
weeks. Slowly, she re-emerged, stronger and healthier than before, but it
was rough on all of us (and not just because she was listening to Bryan
Ferry constantly). It's hard when you're a kid, even one that's about to
turn 14, to see your mother really upset about something. Suddenly, they go
from being your rock to just another frail human being with feelings and
emotions they sometimes can't hold back. No matter how strong you try to
be, eventually there will be a break. Seeing her come back together so
quickly, and managing to take care of us through the entire ordeal, showed
me real strength. When I tell people my mother is the strongest person I
know, that's why.

Eighth grade had football practice once a day before school officially
started. I'd put on a little more weight than I'd hoped (142, bitch!) and
was a lot more confident on the field. It was nice to know and feel the
effects of all the hard work over the summer and I really did have fun
playing. By the time school started I was actually thinking about playing
my freshman year. I knew I wasn't going to make varsity unless I magically
grew three inches and gained 60 or 70 pounds, but I was enjoying playing so
much that I really thought I'd carry it on at least another year. I wasn't
in it for the long haul, it was obvious that despite my hard work, I was
going to be edged out by guys who were just flat out bigger and
stronger. Maybe it wouldn't be freshman year, but it would definitely be
sophomore year. By my senior year, I could see myself still on the team,
but I'd be sitting on a bench mostly. That didn't appeal to me and I knew I
really wanted to play baseball more.

My hookups with Alan were starting to slow, not least of all because a
Junior had taken an interest in him and his dick. He'd, like an idiot,
freaked after the blowjob I gave him right before the Fourth and thought
too many more like that would turn him gay. He finally came clean to Josh
and I about it two weeks after and we both laughed our asses off. So, when
Michelle Davis came along that fall, he was ready to bust his cherry and
move back to pure heterosexuality.

I honestly didn't mind, I liked giving head but his reciprocation left much
to be desired. Even with the corrective action (actually pulling him off by
his ears at one point), he was still just terrible at it. And we both knew
it was never his thing. We both needed some release and we were both in a
position to help the other. Looking back, I'm so thankful it was Alan and
not someone I was crushing on. I would have been miserable to develop
romantic feelings for someone who would never, no matter what you did,
share them.

He and Josh, of course, made Varsity with ease. They'd both been working
with each other and were pretty amazing on the field. I went to watch them
practice a few times in the afternoon and they were just flat out better
than a lot of the juniors and seniors they were up against. I don't know
why, but it made me really proud of them, even though I'd had nothing to do
with the hard work they'd put in to get where they were. The few times I
went they introduced me to some of the sophomore and junior players and
told them I was still in eighth. During every one of our games that fall,
they showed up with a lot of those guys and it made everyone on the team
feel important that Varsity players cared enough to come watch us play. No
one knew it was really Alan and Josh driving the bus on it, they just
thought we were that good.

Which, quite frankly, we were. We went 9-1 overall and 5-0 in district
which was better than Josh and Alan did the previous year. They, of course,
defended themselves by saying that the teams they faced the previous year
were much tougher than the ones we faced this year, which wasn't completely
untrue. One of the towns in our district, Mahaya, had a great passing game
the year before but the QB this year panicked constantly and threw the ball
way before he should.

Going to the Varsity games that fall was really cool since it was the first
year I was actually close to people playing. We all cheered for Alan and
Josh when they went in to play and thought it embarrassed Alan a bit, Josh
absolutely loved it. They did not have as good a year, but they still
managed 7-3 overall.

I'd taken Josh's excellent advice and opened up a lot more to Willy and
Brent. As a result, we'd become better friends and I felt about as close to
them as I did to Charlie. It was really nice having inside jokes back and
knowing that someone else had your back. Or, in Willy's case, was more than
willing to beat the crap out of anyone who got on your ass, despite being
told, 'Dude, I got this'. It always cracked me up how similar Willy and
Josh were. They were brought up much differently, but both had the same
basic outlook on the world and their place in it. They felt like they were
there to defend the ones they cared about, to help even the playing field
if needed or, at times, step in and fight.

The most important thing that happened that fall was Kami and I having
sex. She'd decided we'd do it on my birthday, September 12th. The only
problem was, she told me about it two weeks before so I spent the first two
weeks of school with a damn near permanent erection. I couldn't get the
thought out of my head ('Im going to have SEX!!!!') and it drove me damn
near crazy. On the night of my birthday, she spent the night with Dana
Edwards and, a little after midnight, snuck out to meet me in the
woods. We'd decided on the spot where Alan and I had been meeting and I'd
prepped it with a sleeping bag and an old quilt.

It was a nice fall night in Texas. There'd been a weak front that had blown
through and cleared out the usual humidity and so it was comfortable for us
both. We spent an excruciatingly long time undressing each other, something
she'd been telling me she was looking forward to and which I actually
enjoyed. We already knew sensitive areas on each other, so the foreplay was
really straight forward but not at all mechanical. Kami was very aroused,
especially when I went down on her.  Despite my excitement, I wasn't
hard. That surprisingly took some effort (which, of course, Josh and Alan
gave me shit about. Lane was the only one who was understanding and that
probably should have told me something about my place in the gay food
chain) which I couldn't understand because I got hard from a warm breeze
and this was ACTUAL SEX. I knew I was gay, but at the age of 14 I should
have been able to get hard with anyone.

We did meet with success since a mouth, as it turns out, really is a mouth
and were able to slip on a condom. I entered her as gently as I could and
began to thrust with my hips, feeling nothing but slippery warmth which
occasionally gripped me and frankly felt really good. My erection just got
harder and the whole thing lasted, by my best guess, 20 or 30 minutes,
staying missionary the whole time.

In real time, it was less than three minutes. Josh had given me some great
advice and as I was inside her I rubbed her clit gently, prompting an
orgasm. It was pretty awesome but there was something missing. I knew we
cared for each other, which was the entire reason we'd decided to share our
virginity, but we weren't in love. It gave us knowledge and it felt good,
but it wasn't right for either of us. We decided after that night that
while it was good, we wouldn't be doing that again.

While the loss of my virginity to a girl felt strange, I felt rather
awesome about losing it in general. I didn't tell anyone except Josh, Alan,
and Lane. Well, maybe Willy and Brent, but that really was it. Kami, on the
other hand, told THE DAMN SCHOOL.

Word got around quickly and by the following Friday my mother and father
were asking me if what they'd heard was true. No proof, just a rumor, and
the details were inaccurate (allegedly, we'd done it at Alan's in his
parents bed WHILE THEY WERE HOME) so denying it was easy. I felt bad, but I
knew this was not a conversation I wanted to have with my parents, at least
not at this time.

The remainder of the fall was football and school. The holidays were a
little strange being so soon after the divorce was final. My parents ended
up splitting Thanksgiving Day into lunch with my father and his family and
dinner which was with my mother and hers. It was funny because at one point
I overheard my maternal grandmother say 'she was happy not to see Ouisa'
(my father's mother was named Louisa and she could be very tactless and in
some cases outright nasty). I think it was her way of saying she supported
my mother without making a big deal about it ('always look on the bright
side' was kind of the mantra of my mother's family while my father's was
'what could go wrong/this is all wrong').

Christmas was a lot rougher on my mother since we ended up going to New
York to see my father's extended family from the 20th to the 26th.  It was
a great trip since I got to hang out with Richard and his friends. They had
an in at several bars and clubs, so I went out of with them two nights and
had a blast. One of the clubs we went to was LGBT and everyone fell in love
with the cute little blond boy from Texas. I'll admit, it was a rush. Of
course, I was also a dumbshit who didn't realize they were looking to use
me like a damn sex toy. But what is a hormonal little gay boy to do when
surrounded by shirtless studs who made Josh look small? Had it not been for
Richard, I'm sure I would have ended up a cumdump in a backroom.

It was a great trip, but Cat and I were really ready to get back to
Texas. It was cold as hell in New York for one thing and, more importantly,
we missed mother.

The best part about having two Christmas's was the food. Honestly, for a
teenage boy, it was heaven. The presents were nice, but most years I had
only one or two things I really cared about. I never asked for much for
Christmas after about third grade because I was just never that interested
in stuff. There might have been something I saw online that piqued my
interest and when asked what I wanted, I'd tell my parents. But, other than
that, I really didn't care. Besides, Cat more than made up for my lack of
interest in material goods.

The second best part was my mother's family. She was an only child, but my
grandparents are really the sweetest people you could ever meet. Cat and I
both love them very much... in large part they provide the affection that
our paternal grandmother just doesn't really have in her.

And yes, I'm well aware I put food before people. Please consider that much
of the food came from those people before thinking me some kind of
asshole. Also, you never had my grandmother's coconut cream pie so don't
even think of judging me.

While I'd been away, Josh and Lane had planned a New Years Party at Josh's
house. We'd talked about it some before school was out for the break, but
in my absence they'd finished the planning and sent out invites which were
really nice. Well, at least that's what mother said when we were talking
about it. Despite being gay, I was still a 14 year old boy who ate cereal
in his underwear and knew nothing about stationary.

On the 30th, Josh called and asked if my mother would be willing to help
chaperone the party. Apparently, Mrs. Trautman had an issue with her sister
who lived in Houston and Neil didn't feel comfortable doing it all on his
own. Mother agreed after talking to Neil later that afternoon and it was
the first time I can remember seeing my mother really smile in a while
about something unrelated to Cat and me. I didn't say anything to her about
it. At that point, I'd known Josh more than a year and had spent enough
time with Neil to know he was a really good man. If mother was developing a
crush, I was more than happy with it since there were far worse people in
the world in which she could be interested.

Since mother and I had the party New Year's Eve, my father was tasked with
running Cat to her parties. She'd been invited to several, including one
thrown by Ross Sanders and his little brother, Ben. Ross, it turned out,
had made his interest in my sister known a little too well and I cut that
off quickly. I always thought Ross was a douchebag and the last thing I
wanted was him putting his nasty, well worn, tongue into my sister's
mouth. Cat and I had our moments, but we trusted one another and when I
told her he was bad news, that was the word as far as she was concerned.

What Cat was absolutely not happy about was spending the night at my
father's house which was outside town. It actually was a nice house which
he'd had built on my family's ranch. She just didn't like it because it
wasn't home and there wasn't anyone around for more than 3 miles. Just
cows. A lot of cows. My family had raised cattle for more than 100 years
and though it was a minor income source at that point, my father maintained
everything as a working ranch. Cat just didn't like cows, mostly because
she named one as a child and my father, having a perverse sense of humor,
told her one night that the steaks we were eating came from that
cow. Hilarity did not ensue.

Mother and I headed over to Josh's about 630. The party wouldn't start
until 9 but Josh had told us to come early. Mother rang the bell and in
less than a minute, Neil opened the door and had this really nice smile on
his face when he saw my mother.

"Welcome to the madness," he said as we walked inside. He gave my mother a
light hug and then turned to me and said, "Josh and Lane are back in his
room. Why don't you go on back so your mother and I can get things
organized with the staff."

I smiled and said, "Sure thing."

As I walked down the hallway I just had this good feeling and, just as I
made the turn down another hallway to Josh's room, I looked back and they
were still standing there, talking. I couldn't hear what was being said but
it was obviously funny as my mother tossed her head back and laughed.

I kept on going down the hall and knocked at Josh's door only to hear a
loud, but frustrated, 'COME IN'.

As I walked in I saw Lane sitting on the bed, while Josh was standing in
front of the mirror on his dresser trying to tie his bow tie. He'd wanted
the party to be special so he insisted on black tie early on in the
planning. Lane and I thought it was too much, but acquiesced when it was
clear he'd already set his mind to it. Plus, we already had tuxedos and
figured the requirement might cut down on the headcount of people we didn't
really like but that Josh insisted on inviting.

Unfortunately for Josh, he couldn't tie a bow tie if his life depended on
it. I looked at him and then at Lane who just rolled his eyes and said, "He
refused to let me help."

I walked over and sat next to Lane, giving him a side hug.

He asked, "Is Kami coming?"

"Yeah, with Dana and Carla. She wasn't going to be ready in time to come
with mother and me," I responded.

He smiled, "That's cool. I really like her... it would be great if things
were different..."

I interjected, "If we were both straight?", with a sly grin.

He smiled back, "I was going to say if she was a guy, but your way would
work, too."

We both kinda chuckled right as Josh screamed, "This is fucking
impossible!"

Lane stood up slowly, smoothed out his pants and walked over to Josh,
turning him toward him. He reached up and grabbed Josh's tie, without
uttering a word, and tied it into a very nice bow. He then got up on his
toes and planted a soft kiss on Josh's lips. He broke the kiss and the
smile on Josh's face was just blissful. The best part about being there,
and seeing the two of them in moments like this, is knowing that it's
possible for two people to really love one another so much that it's simply
beautiful. Even now, with all the crap I've gone through, I've never felt
really jealous of them. I've just always seen them as two amazing people
who truly belong to each other.

Josh turned slightly to admire his boyfriends work and turned back to him,
smiling, while saying. "Thank you, babe."

Lane just smiled back at him, "You're welcome. Next time, just let me do
it."

"OK,"Josh said in a dopey voice that let both of us know he was being
bullheaded and that he'd try not to do it again.

He turned to me and looked me up and down, "You look really nice, bud!"

I smiled back at him, "Thanks man! I gotta ask you something... but you
have to promise you won't say anything to your dad."

He looked at me with concern on his face and hesitantly said, "OK."

I looked down at my shoes, which were polished to a mirror finish. One
thing my father always insisted on was polished dress shoes. I looked back
up at Josh, his face still filled with concern and took a deep breath.

"Is your dad interested in my mother?" and as the last word left my mouth,
all the color drained from his face.

"How'd you know," he stammered out. Even Lane looked at me in shock.

I sat back, maintaining eye contact and thinking about what I was going to
say. I figured since I had inadvertent confirmation from them that Neil was
interested, I could spill the beans about mother's interest.

"Well, I know your dad has this party staffed and they're going to help
chaperone anyway. My mother didn't really need to come. And then there was
the way he looked at her when we walked in just now. I just thought I'd ask
if my suspicions were correct."

Josh's face was still showing concern, but it was hard to read for whom,
"Please don't say anything to her! Yes, he is. I know I should have said
something to you sooner, but it's my dad and he didn't want to make a big
deal out of it especially since her divorce wasn't that long ago."

I met his eyes, "Dude, it's cool. I get it. And to be honest, I think she's
interested, too. BUT PLEASE don't say anything to him and I won't to her. I
don't think they're going to need us to help them work a thing out."

"What makes you say that,"Josh asked.

"Well, before I rounded the corner down your hall, I looked back at them
and they looked really comfortable together. I think they know where they
stand with each other," I finished, smiling.

"Damn, that'll make my dad really happy. I think he's had a thing for her
since he first met her. I know it's kinda weird, but my dad's a good guy
and I love your mom. I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

I said, "It really is ok, Josh. Honestly, if you'd said something I'd have
told you I didn't think it would work until they talked to one another
yesterday. I think she's crushing on him."

Josh lit up, "DUDE, if they get married we'd be brothers!" and with that he
picked me up an gave me a hug.

"I... can't... breathe..."I managed to get out of my
compressed-to-the-point-of-ribs-breaking chest which forced him to release
and let me down. As soon as my feet hit the floor I sucked in a huge breath
of fresh air.

"Man, I am so sorry! I just think it would be so cool!," Josh said.

We ended up getting on Josh's PlayStation to kill time. WE (meaning Lane
and I) thought about going to help, but Josh insisted we stay in until
8:30. We pestered him about the specificity of the time (especially since I
was hungry as hell and wanted some damn food... I was last fed at 5 so I
needed nourishment!) until he finally admitted he'd agreed with his dad to
keep us caged up until then.

THAT caused me to panic. I don't know why, but it just freaked me out.

"What the hell is planning to do to her, Josh?" I asked, my voice clearly
angry.

Josh's eyes went wide, "NOTHING... Oh, God, you think?... No, he just
wanted to spend some time with her alone to talk. You KNOW my dad, he'd
never do anything like that!"

I calmed down, but not quickly. Lane and Josh kept reassuring me, but I
just didn't like the subterfuge. I knew, in my head, Neil wasn't going to
do a damn thing to my mother, but my first thought was to get the hell out
of here. I have since learned that while I'm protective of my mother, it
was because I don't like being trapped or even the feeling of being trapped
(the actual diagnosis was Cleithrophobia). I can spend a day in a small
room, but if I feel like someone is making me stay, I can't be there for a
minute. The whole time it was like being in a microwave with my insides
slowly being heated. By 815, I'd reached my boiling point.

"OK, I'm hungry and I'm going to get something to eat,"I said, quickly
getting up and heading for the door. Before Josh could even say anything I
was walking down the hallway.

I made my way down to the kitchen, with Josh and Alan right on my heals and
had a little snack from the party food that was being put on trays. It was
all cold stuff but it didn't really matter to me since I was so hungry I
would have eaten cat food.

We ended up snacking a bit and I apologized to them for freaking out. Both
of them were worried about me but decided it was hanger. Maybe 20 minutes
later, Neil and my mother walked in all smiles and laughter, while carrying
glasses of champagne.

"Boys, are you going to leave anything for the rest of the guests to eat?"
Neil asked.

Josh replied, while chewing, "Sorry dad, we just got hungry."

"Your father is teasing you, there's no way the three of you could eat
enough to make a dent,"my mother said, smiling at Josh. She walked over to
me and gave me a side hug.

"What's that for,"I asked.

My mother smiled at me and replied, "Just for being you. Happy New Years!"
and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I know most guys would have freaked
since it happened in front of their friends, but I never did when my mother
showed affection to me. She was my mother and the only person outside of
Cat and my father, who loved me unconditionally. With my mother, if I told
her I'd killed someone, she'd just ask if I needed any help hiding the
body.

Then she'd ground me.

Tonight, I kind of suspected her good mood and sudden need to reassure me
was the champagne mixed with Neil who had a giant smile on his face as
well. I honestly wasn't sure what they'd been up to, but I kind of thought
Neil's lips looked suspiciously like he was wearing my mother's shade of
lipstick.

Lane came over and gave my mother a hug telling her she looked
beautiful. Josh told her she did as well, but with a mouthful of shrimp
which prompted Neil to say, "My boy, nothing but manners and class!"

About ten minutes later the first of the guests arrived and the party
started. We were having a good time, but I kept looking for Kami. Since
having sex, we'd become really close and to be honest, I really just wanted
to talk to someone else who wasn't around earlier. I was completely weirded
out by Josh's actions. I KNEW there wasn't anything untoward, but I FELT
completely violated.

For the next hour, I talked with people and tried to act normal. Inside, I
was a pressure cooker slowly building up. Occasionally, I'd pull at my
collar and just as quickly put my hand back down, suddenly conscious of my
newly acquired nervous tic. Finally, Kami showed up.

I wasn't looking in her direction so she came up behind me and put her arms
around my waist. Despite my agitation, I didn't flinch. Kami just had a
calming effect on me and I think now it was probably that she wanted
absolutely nothing from me other than friendship. We'd decided after we had
sex that since we were confident of who we were, there was no longer any
need to do anything sexual. It was a fantastic decision since it allowed us
to really focus on (and be honest with) each other as friends. I really
trusted her and at that moment, I'm pretty sure she was the only person who
could have calmed me down.

I turned around and hugged and kissed her.

"I'm so glad you're here," I said with obvious relief.

She looked at me and smiled, a little nervous and concerned, "I can see
that. You want to grab something for me to drink and we can walk outside?"

"You read my mind... I'll be right back," I replied.

I quickly got her something to drink and walked back to her only to find
Josh and Lane welcoming her to the party. We stood there for a minute,
awkwardly, before Kami finally spoke.

"Guys, can I borrow him for a bit? We need to talk about something," she
said.

Josh and Lane both nodded and looked over at me. I gave them a tight smile
and said, "We'll be right back," as I grabbed her hand and we walked
through the main living room and out on the back porch which ran the length
of the main house and overlooked the pool, and, beyond that, a valley with
a beautiful lake in it. There weren't many kids outside, despite the fact
that the heaters were on, so finding someplace quiet was pretty easy.

Kami sat down on a bench and said, "OK, spill... what's got you so worked
up?"

I just stood there, clenching the glass of punch in my head, chewing the
inside of my lip.

"Rob..." she asked.

I finally broke and told her what had happened. My concern was how odd all
this had been. I was still angry with Josh and Lane, but the latter mostly
by extension, but I realized this was more like that time when I was in
first grade and freaked out when I was sent to my room. My father ended up
dragging me there, put me inside, then closed the door.

I completely melted down. Threw things, cried, screamed, begged, the whole
bit. After about 10 minutes he opened the door and I grabbed onto him and
told him I was sorry and that I'd never, ever, do anything bad again, but
to please not lock me in my room. My father, taking the wrong lesson from
this, assumed that locking me in my room was a punishment I'd avoid at all
costs. He was right. It was my mother who finally figured out that
grounding would achieve the same end and then I'd go to my room without any
fuss, on my own.

"Yeah, I think you might want to talk to someone about all this. It's not
natural. It's good that they think it was just you being hungry, but you
know it wasn't and you need to do something about it,"she said.

"Do you think I'm crazy? I am, aren't I?"

She stood, smiling, and walked over to me.

"No, I don't think you're crazy. I think you have a fear of being held
against your will. I think everyone does to an extent yours just appears to
be really bad to the point of exciting you to panic. You just need to talk
to your mom about it. But you're not crazy,"she finished, hugging me.

Kami's hugs always felt good and it helped calm me down. Well, that and
someone telling me that I wasn't crazy.

We spent another 30 minutes just talking about what my trip to NY was like
and what she'd been doing here. Her mother had died about six years ago,
during Christmas, so it was always a hard time of year for her and her
father. They usually filled it with as much family as possible and spent
time together remembering the good times with her mother. The way Kami
meets life, despite the shitty hand she was dealt, has always impressed me
and continues to even now.

Not long after, Willy showed up with Susie to pull us back into the party,
and we didn't put up a fight. It was a great party and it ended up being a
fantastic night. Occasionally, while I was dancing or talking with someone,
I'd look over to see my mother talking to Neil and the two of them, I don't
know, just kind of looked good together. I was thinking that Josh's
enthusiasm from earlier, about us being brothers, might not be unwarranted.

As the night wound down, Josh pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to
spend the night. I told him I'd like to but that I really wanted to sleep
in my own bed. Everyone was gone by 1230, and my mother and I headed back
to our house.

I smiled over at her, from the passenger seat, as she drove which caused
her to glance over to me.

"I think Mr. Hastings likes you," I said, causing her to blush a little.

She smiled back at me, "Yeah, I think he does too. And you know what, I
kind of like him."  I just laughed a little which prompted her to ask,
"What?"

I replied, "Nothing, I just like that you're happy."

"If we start dating it's not going to be a problem for you, is it?" she
asked.

"Nope. I like Mr. Hastings and as long as it it's what you want, I'm cool
with it. He does have this kind of dickhead son, though." which got a laugh
from her.

"What happened with you guys earlier?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

She let out a little breath, "Well, when we came in and found you in the
kitchen before the party, you looked agitated."

My turn to take a breath, "I was. Josh had held me in his room to give you
and Mr. Hastings a little time together."

"Oh, dear..."

"Exactly. I didn't overreact, I just waited as long as I could and then I
got something to eat. I'm pretty sure they thought I was just hungry. The
thing is, it felt a little like when I was a kid and daddy locked me in my
room."

She sighed, "I know honey. I'm going to set up an appointment for you with
a therapist."

"Mom, I don't want to go to some shrink..."

"...therapist. Not a psychiatrist. Totally different animal. I think it
would help."

"I don't have a choice, do I," I asked.

She looked over at me, smiling, and said, "No."

We got home and went to bed, waking early to start the first day of
2010. My father brought Cat home around 11 and we had lunch together. Meals
like this were kind of weird now, but it was an important part of their
divorce, working to remain friends. After lunch, they sat in my mother's
office and talked, I presume about us and Neil Hastings.

My father came up to my room to say goodbye before he left and we talked
for a bit. He asked how I felt about he and mother dating other people.

"You're divorced... I kind of expect it. And if I don't like them, I'll
tell you," I said with a smile.

My father replied, "Well, OK... glad that's sorted" and got up to leave.

The rest of January was good but uneventful and I was able to put off the
therapist, seemingly indefinitely. Athletics shifted to off season, which I
enjoyed since I liked lifting weights even if I wasn't adding just a ton of
muscle. By this point I was 5'7" and a rock solid 148. I still felt mostly
like a pipsqueak, but for 14 it wasn't bad. My mother and Neil went out a
few times that first month, then regularly after, which I personally liked
because they'd decided when they went out to drop Josh over here and he
could 'babysit' Cat and I. The whole thing was a joke, but it gave us time
to hang out and have fun. Cat always liked Josh since he, unlike some of my
friends like Brent, was really nice to her.

February was cold and pretty damn heartless. The morning of the 5th, Kami
came into school crying and I rushed over to her. Through sobs, she told me
her father was being transferred and that they'd be moving at the end of
March. Apparently, they couldn't even wait until the end of the school
year.

It was pretty devastating to both of us. We'd opened up to each other in a
way that neither of us had to anyone else and that brought a kind of
closeness that we didn't want to lose. Outside of my family, she was the
person closest to me. Even Josh didn't know some of the things I'd told
Kami.

We spent as much of the time we had remaining together. We knew we'd stay
in touch, but it didn't do much to lessen the knowledge that we wouldn't
physically see each other every day. In some ways, she'd become a best
friend. When we went skiing at Spring Break, I begged my dad to let her
come and her dad finally agreed. It was a great week, the last really great
one we had before the end. The Saturday she moved, after the car pulled
away, I kept pretty straight faced until I got home and cried in my room
for hours. Josh texted me about 4 and I told him I was OK. A little while
after Willy called.

"Hey man, dudes night. I'm gonna pick you up at 645 and we're going to the
movies, then go grab some pizza and you're spending the night with me."

I was a pretty big mess and didn't really feel like company. I tried
begging off but the response was, "Fuck that shit. You're coming. I know
you're down and I know how you are but this time I'm getting out to do
something. You never lean on anyone when shit goes down and this time I'm
not going to let you get away with it."

I sighed, "OK, I'll be ready."

"Good. See you at 645 fucker!" he said and ended the call.

By the end of the night, I felt a lot better. Willy, Brent, Roger, and
Darnell were always good company but that night was something I didn't even
realize I needed and I was glad it happened. Neither Willy nor I were tired
when we got to his place, so we stayed up playing Xbox and talking. About
1230, we gave up the on the game and just started talking. For some reason,
at that moment, I felt this compulsion to come clean with him.

"Willy, there's something I need to tell you and I think it's going to come
as a bit of a shock."

He just looked at me for a second with this tiny smile on his face, "You
don't need to worry about me, man. You're my boy. There's nothing you're
gonna tell me that's gonna freak me out."

I took a breath and said, "This might... I'm gay."

I waited for a reaction but he just kept looking at me with the same smile
on my face. He finally said, "And?"

"And nothing. That's it,"I said.

"Dude, why would you think that would freak me out? You know I'm cool with
Josh and the other mo's at school. Why wouldn't I be cool with you?"

"They've all been honest with you, I haven't. We've just been friends for
so long and I really should have told you sooner," I replied.

He smiled a little bigger, "Yeah, you should have... Susie and I already
knew."

"How?"

"Well, Susie was spending the night with Kami in January and they started
talking and she kinda let the secret out."

I head was spinning, "Oh, fuck... does anyone else know? I'm not ready to
come out to everyone!"

Willy just laughed, "Calm down. Kami made Susie promise not to say a word
and she didn't, except to me. To be honest, I kinda suspected during sixth
grade."

I smiled back at him, "That was when I started to figure it out. So you're
really not mad?"

"Nah... maybe a little that you've never bothered to check me out in the
locker room. You don't think I'm hot?," he asked with a smile.

"Dude, you are. But I also know you don't bat for my team... so what's the
point?"

"I don't know, stroke material?"

And that basically sent me into cackling laughter.

"Seriously, you're my boy and when you're ready, I'm gonna be right there
with you. Brent will be on the other side."

I looked at him, "Does he know too?"

He just smiled and said, "Who do you think made me suspect you might be in
sixth grade? I haven't said anything to him, but he's absolutely certain
and he just didn't know how to let you know it was OK to tell him. And when
you and Kami got together last year, you really threw him for a loop.

About the only one who is going to freak is Darnell but he'll get over
it. Seriously, you have a lot less to worry about than you think."

I took a moment to think. I'd known Willy since we were kids and, deep
down, I knew he'd be OK but I didn't think it would be this quick. "You
know, I'm thinking Josh was right all along... I spend too much time
thinking about shit and not actually doing it."

Willy laughed, "He is right. You spend way too much time in your
head. Outside your family, me, and Brent, I think he worries about you more
than anyone. Hell, I think sometimes he worries more about you than Brent
and me. So, why don't you just drop the bomb and be done with it?"

I sighed, "My dad."

Willy kinda snorted, "Your Dad? He loves you more than you'll ever
know. There's nothing he wouldn't do for you."

I replied, "Yeah, but it'll be weird for a while. He doesn't suspect. No
one really does. Come to think of it, what the hell made Brent so sure?"

"He knew you weren't into girls like the rest of us were... not exactly
earth shattering news, but he knew there was something else there other
than just having the opportunity. He was kinda bummed for a while because
he didn't think you thought enough of us to tell us. We talked about it a
lot and finally gave up, just thinking when you were ready, you'd tell us."

"You gave up at the beginning of last year?"

Willy perked up, "Yeah, about the time you and Josh started hanging
around. We both got kinda pissed about that, even thought y'all were going
together and didn't tell us, and then y'all just kept saying you were
friends and that was it."

I snorted a bit at that, "Josh and I tried, there was just nothing
there. Like nothing. We tried kissing and it was like kissing a family
member. Neither of you were far off the mark."

Willy looked back at me, "Promise me something?"

"Sure, anything,"I replied.

"Promise me you won't hold out on me or Brent. Whether you get it or not,
you can trust us and we really love you, man. You don't realize it, but it
hurts like a motherfucker when we know you don't feel like you can trust
us."

That hit me like a ton of bricks. And yes, I started to tear up a bit, "Man
, I'm so sorry. And I promise, I won't keep a damn thing from you from now
on."

"Come on, hug it out, bitch,"Willy said, jumping up and grabbing me to him.

We continued to talk for another hour or so before we both started to yawn
and went to bed. The next day, mother picked me up and took me home. I
didn't say a word to her about what we'd talked about, still not sure how
to address this with her. Instead, I asked how her date with Neil went.

"We had a great time," was all I could get out of her. It had been like
that basically every time they'd been out. While Cat and I couldn't fall
over ourselves fast enough to answer her questions, she'd just blow us off
with a short response and that was it. The rest of the ride home was
quiet. When I got up to my bedroom, I texted Josh to see if he could
talk. 30 seconds later, the phone rang.

"I told Willy," I blurted out.

Josh laughed a bit, "I assume you CAME OUT to Willy?"

Exasperated, "YES, dumbass. I came out Willy. Fuck, Josh...quit thinking
this is all so funny!"

Which, of course, made Josh laugh that much more.

"Dude, you're the one who is doing this on his own time so don't get mad at
me when I laugh a little because you're moving with all the speed of a 90
year old hurdler."

"You know, this isn't easy,"I replied.

He said, "Yeah, I know. Well, it actually IS, but you've got to do it in a
way that makes you feel comfortable which you've decided CAN'T be easy. So,
what did Willy say?"

"I don't know, smartass. Why don't you tell me?"

Josh laughed, "OK, He was fine with it. He loves you so much you could have
told him you ate his dog and he'd be pissed but he'd get over it. You being
gay would hit him about as hard as you being a 49er's fan. Tell me I'm
wrong..."

"Nope, you nailed it. Even told me that Brent's known for a while."

"Yeah, I could have told you that... "

I replied, "He's been telling Willy for two years. I feel so bad, because
those two guys I've known as long as Alan and I didn't trust them and it
hurt them, man. I know I can trust them and I still didn't. Willy made me
promise not to hold out on him again, and I won't."

"Good, you shouldn't."

I sighed, "I know, it's just hard. I keep feeling like I need to bottle
things up. I know I don't, I know I can trust people, but I get...."

"...scared?" Josh asked.

"Yep," I replied. "I get terrified that everyone is going to think I'm a
freak and abandon me. I know that it's OK, but I just get scared out of my
mind at times."

"Like when Alan told you he knew?"

"Exactly. Sometimes I hyperventilate. I hate this. I can't stand being such
chickenshit."

Josh kind of laughed, "You're not a chickenshit. It's anxiety. Have you
ever wondered why it's so easy for me to calm you down and why I don't get
upset with you when you get bent out of shape?"

"No, I just assumed you were being nice because you cared about me."

"Well, I was and I do. But I know about anxiety. My mom had issues with
it. I think maybe you need to talk to your mom about seeing a doctor. I
think someone could help, if you'll let them."

We continued to talk for a bit longer and eventually got off the phone. I
laid on my bed for an hour thinking about what Josh had said. At first,
I'll admit I was kind of angry... I didn't have problem, I was a normal
teenage boy who is gay and has real issues dealing with that being revealed
even to people he knows he can trust oh who the hell am I fooling... at
least, that's how I remember it going in my head.

I got up at one point and started doing some research. Twenty minutes
later, I was in front of my mother telling her a sanitized version of what
I'd been dealing with and asking her to make an appointment for me with a
shrink. Which she was happy to do on one condition... that I didn't hold
anything back.

I texted Brent that night that I needed to talk to him before school. The
next day he was waiting for me in front when my mother dropped me off. I
ran over to where he was sitting and sat down next to him. And then I
blanked. Completely. And started to sweat. He just looked at me and punched
me in the shoulder saying, "Dude, whatever it is you need to relax."

I looked over at him and smiled, calming down a bit. "I know, but it's just
a little tough for me and that is completely unrelated to you," I paused
and took a deep breath, "I'm gay."

He just smiled back. "I know man, I've been trying to figure out a way to
let you know it was OK to tell me without taking away your right to do
things at your own speed. I looked up some shit online and everything I
read told me to let you do it when you were ready."

"I'm really glad you did. I would have freaked if you hadn't."

"Why? Dude, you know I love you. You and Willy are my boys and I'll always
be there for y'all"

I sighed, "It has nothing do with that. It's something in me that I'm going
to work on. But I promise, I know how you feel and I trust you and Willy
completely."

That made him smile. "Good. Now, you want to keep this between us or are
you ready to tell the world?"

I let out a light laugh, "For now, just you, Willy, and me. Josh, Alan, and
Lane already know. But I'll tell you when I'm ready to go public," I
finished with a smile. We talked for a bit longer, waiting for Willy's
perpetually late ass to show up and then walked into school together. I
felt proud to have these guys as friends. And I felt proud of myself for
being the person they wanted in their lives.

Wednesday was my appointment and I was in there at 430. He was one of the
few actual psychiatrists in town, Dr. Oates. He was in his forties, about
my mother's age I guess and he seemed pretty nice. We sat there staring at
one another for about 2 minutes before he finally spoke.

"You can talk about whatever... it usually helps me diagnose you if you
start talking about what's going on and why you're here. You're mother told
me you it was your decision to come."

I shifted a bit in the chair I was sitting on. "Yeah, but I need to ask you
question. Does what I tell you stay strictly between us?"

He smiled back at me, "Yes, it does. There are only two instances where I
can breach confidentiality and that's if you tell me you intend to commit a
crime and/or that you're planning to self harm."

"Self harm?", I asked.

"Suicide," he responded to which I just made a silent O with my mouth.

I continued, "Well, there's none of that. I'm gay. But that's not really
why I'm here, it'll just help if you know that because some of what I've
been dealing with have been panic attacks when someone tells me they know."

Over the next hour I gave him all of it, the panic attacks, the anxiety,
all of it. Everything that I thought made me sound as crazy as a bedbug,
most of it while pacing around his office.

He gave me some exercises to work on and told me he'd rather not medicate
me as it seemed my symptoms, though occasionally severe, could be dealt
with through therapy that didn't involve drugs. This came as something of a
relief.

He ended up setting up sessions for Wednesday and Friday through the end of
May and I kept every one of them. Even then, I knew Dr. Oates was helping
me and it made me open for the therapy I'm going through now. No, scratch
that... it made me recognize the value in it and in telling people I need
help.

During those last two months of the school year, mother and Neil stepped up
their game and started taking long weekends, which meant Cat and I were
trapped with my father. Honestly, it wasn't so bad and he was dating a
woman we both actually liked. Her name was Fonda (yes, Fonda... we didn't
like the name much but she was sweet) and she was 23. It was more like
having a fun older sister than a potential stepmother. Cat and I didn't
think it would last, but my father was happy so we went along with it.

Kami and I kept in touch and I filled her in on Dr. Oates and what was
going on in general. I really missed her, but when we talked it felt like
no time had passed. She was getting on with her life and I was finally
getting my own together.

Thanks for reading! Any comments can be sent to doncornelius69 at yahoo dot
com.

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