Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2012 14:40:23 -0700 From: Becka King Subject: When loving gets hard Chapter 1 My cloudy grey eyes scaled the size of the building. I hadn't wanted to leave the dorm since yesterday. I would eventually have to face him...one of Hodswith collage's brightest prefect. A tall seemingly polite well raised 14 year old boy named William Kensington. He always had this stupid smile draped across his face like there wasn't a dark alley in the world that he would be intimidate by. Oh man did it get my jollies off when I got to see the look on his stupid face, I could of almost wank myself from the feeling I got when his smug smile was wiped clear of his stupid smug face. Well maybe I should start by telling exactly why I didn't want to face him and my teacher but did at the same time. It was mid-way through our math class and I couldn't help but wish myself into a coma because of the boredom I felt for that class. Of course knowing my luck I was in a class full of boys who like to punch, kick, and wrestle. So I didn't want to talk to anyone or even look in their general direct for that matter but no, a giant plump ape like red head named Jimmy Marco just loved to ruin my damn day just happened to be standing right in front of my desk. He wrinkled his nose at me and looked me up and down as I sat there doing nothing but looking at my text book. "Potter! What are you doing? Day dreaming about wanking yourself to sleep while using your fingers to play with your arse?" His laugh got the attention of the whole class. Where was the teacher this whole time? Well he was off getting some papers in the office he forgot. I'm sure that when he said `Potter' he was referring to the boy wizard from the movies, I didn't look or act a thing like him; where the hell did he get that!? "We've been in school together for several years now, Marco." My gaze lifted to meet his. "Shouldn't you at least now my name...and if you're that dumb and can't grasp remembering word longer than 3 letters let me remind you its Kent Jounes." A smirk appeared on my face as if I had out smarted him, but I hadn't really said anything witty just something rude to banter back at him, the smirk was just to show I thought I upped him by one. He took the bait but it didn't go as I expect, he glared and simply made a "Tch" noise as he kicked my desk over causing me to fall with it. I sat there in shock and then realized that the ape ripped my school slacks on the calf area. I shuffled my way out of the chair. He was about 5'8 very large for our age of 13 years young as my mum called it. I was only about 5'5, and not large in the slightest. "You fucking sod! You ripped my pants!" I yelled causing an even bigger scene. Most kids our age had just started using foul language so they hadn't gotten used to it yet and they stared at me like I just told the queen she was a huge wanker. Fuck me...was all that went through my head not only was I going to get my face pounded but I was going to be the topic of gossip with my foul mouth. An ugly crooked smile stretched on his face as the words left my mouth. He grabbed my collar and glanced to the side where his mates where laughing and cheering him on. I squinted knowing what was coming; I just knew it was going to hurt much more than I was hoping. He slung his arm back and just as quick as his arm went back it flew forward connect with the left side of my chin causing me to stumble backwards. I opened my eyes using my hand to rub the soon to be bruise. "The only thing your good for Marco is a left swinger." My glance met his and his smile grew bigger. It hurt way more than my face let on, I just had to hold back the tears that wanted to fill my eyes or it would give him and his stupid mates a reason to bother me every day for the rest of the school term. "Look at little Jounes trying to act all big and tough in front of us!" Marco laughed, he just wanted to taunt and make fun of me so I would cry in front of him. Way to kick a man while he's down. Marco stepped closing to grab my collar again but interrupted by our teacher and everyone's favorite prefect William Kensington. Our teacher Mr. Loftus stood between the two us, holding back Marco from doing any further damage to my face. "Marco and Jounes, what exactly are you two doing!?" Mr. Loftus's voice got louder causing everyone in the class room to become startled. Kensington put his hands on my shoulders looking at me face with concern. "Are you ok..." He looked a bit embarrassed when he didn't know my name. "Kent Jounes." I shrugged him off, but his eyes wouldn't let my gaze go. His lips found their way across his face in a seemingly sweet smile. Why was he smiling at me like that? I was just punched in the face and he's smiling at me! "Jounes are you alright?" Mr. Loftus's voice shook me from my angry thoughts of Kensington. I looked toward him as if I had no idea what he was saying, I guess he took that as a no because he laid his hand on Kensington's shoulder. "Take the boy to the infirmary and make sure to keep the swelling down." He instructed to Kensington. Just like the good little dog he is he nodded; when his eyes met Marco's eyes Kensington's eyebrows furrowed causing his gaze to become fierce. "Mr. Loftus, I'm fine I just want to sit back down and forget about what happened!!" I pleaded with my teacher, desperately not wanting to go to the infirmary alone with Kensington. "Not up for debate Jounes, get to the infirmary and don't come back until your chin is properly looked at and I will deal with Marco." He didn't even look back letting me know he was serious about me going to the infirmary. I guess he figured with my small size I wouldn't be able to handle a punch from someone the size of Marco. He was right; I had been holding back the pain and tears from the hit. I clenched my fist and annoyingly turned to the door not even looking at Kensington. I walked out the door and didn't wait for Kensington, but not to my surprise he was right behind me with that ridiculous smile across his face. "Jounes don't walk so fast, if a teacher gets you with out me you'll get an ear full." He grabbed my shoulders again. What's with this arse does he just think that he can talk to me like we're friends? I turned around pushing his hands back; he looked at me with surprise as I started to yell. "Listen! Just because I was forced to go to the infirmary with you doesn't mean want to be anywhere near you! I was just punched in the face for no reason and you come in there with your stupid smile like you can fix everything with a few nice words and a smile!" I yelled causing him to step back, my voice cracking with each word. "Well you can't fix anything! You didn't even know my name so stop smiling at me and stop talking to me! I HATE YOU!" All the anger I had been holding in was spilling out of me. He wasn't looking at me with anger or disgust, his eyes where just watched me sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Jounes I didn't mean to..." He attempted to say but didn't finish. His eyes widened at me and his mouth closed. What was he looking at me like that!? Then I realized that warm tears where overflowing out of my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I touched my cheek and pulled my hand to look at my wet finger tips. "Jounes..." He stepped closer; he used the sleeve of his blazer to wipe my wet cheeks. He looked at me with eyes I've never seen before. His thumb wiped the tear attempting to leave my eye. "I'm sorry that you feel that way." He smiled again. My eye twitched, He is in NO WAY sorry or he wouldn't smile at me with that stupid face. I pushed him back and turned away, I started to walk off but before turning the corner I turned to Kensington with a mean look. "Queer!" Left my mouth, I didn't stay long enough to see his face and walked off. I didn't go to the infirmary but back to my dorm. I laid there trying not to cry but my feelings beat me and I cried for what seemed like hours. *********** I guess that would explain my feelings of not wanting to enter school after that. I got in a fight, called the perfect prefect a queer, and then went truant for the rest of the day. My feet felt heavier than ever, but I walked up the steps. I knew the minute I walked into the hall I would be called into talk to Mr. Loftus, while accompanied by Kensington. I walked into the hall that was filled with boy, just as I expected Mr. Loftus caught my attention with a loud call of my name. I met his eyes and he used a motion of his index finger to get me to walk over to him. "Jounes, the nurse said you didn't show up at the infirmary and you didn't show up to the rest of your classes." He said as I slowly walked over to him. "Would you like to tell me exactly where you went?" I didn't want to tell him that I ran to my dorm to cry myself to sleep so I just stood there in silence as he lectured me. "I'm sorry sir..." I mumbled hanging my head not wanting to look him in the eyes. He looked at me and as he opened his mouth to start the lecture again we heard voice from afar. "Mr. Loftus! Wait I'm sorry I forgot to tell you about yesterday!" Kensington ran over panting from running. He stopped next to us and grasped for breathe for a few moments before starting again. I just knew he was going to tell about me crying and calling him a queer, so I closed my eyes and waited for me to get the in deep trouble. "Yesterday as we were walking I noticed that Jounes was becoming more lethargic as we walked so I told him to rest in his dorm that I would get his school work and the nurse to come to his room and make sure he wasn't seriously injured!" He looked up at the teacher with the most sincere smile. He lied! For me!? Someone who said he hated him and called him a queer? All I could do was stand there dumbfounded as the goody two-shoes Prefect Kensington lied to the teachers face with no regret. He turned to me with a smile and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry I forgot to send the nurse, but you did get all that school work finished right?" He said softly. I blinked for a moment trying to take in what just happened but then realized that I had to respond before I got us both in deep trouble. "Uhh Yeah, thanks for going out of your way for me..." I said trying not to show that the words' leaving my mouth was hurting my pride. Damn him and his stupid face... The teacher looked at him and back to me. "Kensington, that was a very irresponsible thing to do, you know that he has to check with the nurse before going back to his dorm." Mr. Loftus began on Kensington. I bit my bottom lip, why did he lie for me know he would probably get into trouble. Just as I thought he was going to give us both massive cleaning duties I looked up to see the teacher smiling. "...But I will let it slide just this once because you went out of your way to make sure you underclassman wasn't in serious harm, next time check with the nurse first." Mr. Loftus patted the boy on the shoulder and turned away. "I expect to see you in class on time, Jounes." With that he turned and left leaving Kensington and I alone. I shift my body a little further from Kensington; he was watching the teacher leave with the same smile on his face. He looked back at me and his smile dropped. "It's all right, I know you hate me so don't worry you don't have to suffer in my presence anymore..." He met my gaze and his eyes showed that he was angry. He turned and started down the hall to his first class. I wanted to say something but I felt like I've done enough already and shouldn't throw salt in his wounds so I watched as his figure disappeared. I began to walk to my first class as well, I ruffled my brown locks. My hair was quite long for a boy in my school, it fell right above my eyes part over my right eye. *********** I didn't have very nice feature. My hair was wavy and dirt brown, my eyes where a grey-ish color and I had slightly tan skin from spending my entire summer in California, USA. I was short and very lean; you can probably tell that I wasn't popular with girls. I had a girlfriend during the summer though she was cute and didn't mind my looks. Boys in our school sort of envied Kensington, myself included. He had short blond hair that was always slicked back but had part of his bangs always above his left eye, he was tall for his age and had slightly muscular. His eyes probably the best part of himself. He had piercing emerald eyes that shined in any lighting. Of course no boy could hate him because he was so nice and well mannered. Blekk, he just made me soo mad maybe because I was jealous of his perfection but it felt like more than just that. Something else inside was scratching at me when I was around him and it just made me feel so sick around him. I always choked up and felt my stomach turning knots so I just KNEW it had to be because I hated him. My eye wondered the long corridor as I realized that it had been several classes since the encounter with Kensington and Mr. Loftus. I entered the lunch hall and let out a deep sigh, my eyes closed I hated my life at the highest level. I had friends but it wasn't like they would stick up for me if Marco decided to mess with me they would simply come to my aid after I got beat up. My eyes scaled the room as I saw a few familiar faces, with my hot meal I sat down. "Where'd you get that bloody bruise on your chin?" The redhead Scottish boy Keith Wallace announced to what seemed the whole long wooden table. I looked at him as if he was a mad person. "Clear off `em, Jounes' got a foul mouth and tends to shoot if off at any altercation." The first friend I had who had long black hair had pulled back into a ponytail, his name was Austin Greene. He patted the seat next to him, signaling that it was ok to sit next to him. "Jimmy Marco, happened to my chin." I mumbled as I picked at my bread roll. I took a piece off and began to eat it. I wasn't hungry so I just picked at my meal. Greene looked in my direction and titled his head. "If that's it, why do you look like someone shit in your shoes?" He leaned closer to me, his deep brown eyes scaling my face. I suddenly realized how close he was and swallowed and the food went down my air pipe causing me to start to cough. Greene patted my back as I spit the food on my plate. I looked at the mess I created in my plate and it made me so angry, why couldn't I react to people in a normal matter. This wasn't the first time I've gotten all choked up when other boys haven gotten close to my face or acted strange towards me. There have been the incidents with Kensington and many times with Green and several other boys that I become friendly with. Why can't I act like a normal boy!? I don't understand why I get choked up so easily...maybe I didn't like people to get in my personal space but didn't want to be blunt about it and just tell them to clear off. I stood up pushing my chair back and trailed off, my hand still over my mouth I rushed off to the bathroom. I entered the restroom and looked at my self in the mirror. "Are you going mad or what?" I turned the fosset on and cupped some cold water in my hands; I splashed it against my face. Still staring at my face I saw the door open in the corner of my eye. Just my bloody luck it happened to be Kensington. He didn't even look at me; he just made his way to the sink and began washing his hands. I looked at him as she slowly scrubbed some kind of food off of them. Still he didn't acknowledge my presence next to him. I didn't understand why it made me angry that he ignored me, I wanted this...Right? "Oi aren't you going to look at me or say something?" Escaped my mouth with out my control. I wanted to rewind time and just walk out but my mouth had made that impossible now. I stood there frozen as his blue eyes glanced at me from the side. HE then looked back and didn't say anything. This guy wanted me to just punch him right there, because he was making me so mad that I began to get flustered. "HEY! Don't ignore me, you fucking wanker!" There goes my mouth again doing what ever it wanted. He just continued with out looking this time. He then walked to the towel rack and began drying his hands off. Was I invisible or something!? HE walked to the door and I followed, he put his hand on the knob to open it and leave but my body just reacted with out my brain. I used my hand to shut the door midway through is attempt to open it. "I'm talking to you! Don't act like I'm not here, because I am!" I ban to raise my mouth he didn't turn to look at me he just stood there. "Turn around you...you QUEER!" My brain so clouded by anger and these feelings that I was saying what ever I could choke up. Finally he turned around with a look I've never seen before, he looked down and stepped closer, I backed up and until I hit the wall. He put his hands on each side of me so I couldn't escape. "You told me you hated me, you cried in front of me and then ran off." He was almost whispering, but his face so close to me that I could even feel his breath against my face. "What exactly do you want me to say...You want me to be ok with you always calling me names and then act like a nice guy around you?" His thumb grazed my ear. "You want me to smile and act like I can't feel the anger coming from you!?" His voice began to get louder. This was a side of him I've never seen, I looked away not sure what to do or say. He slammed his fist against the wall causing me to jump. "What exactly did I do to you!? I have only helped you so far and you hate me for it!? You're the only boy in this whole school who can't look me in the eye!? WHY!?" His voice cracked at the words escaped his mouth. I winced, his word made sense why couldn't I stand him? I always said it because he was a goody tow-shoes but I've never cared about that before. He stood up straight as he saw I had no answer. "That's what I thought..." He turned and left the bathroom with those last words entering my head. I slid to the floor, I couldn't talk, I couldn't get up and walk away, and I couldn't think; All I could do was began to cry. The tears started falling harder then yesterday, they weren't angry tears they were bitter. I hid my face in my arms and couldn't stop, his words made me so...so...so confused. Loveless: Thanks for reading~ This took me a few days and I should update in a few days! Any feedback or comments are welcome; you can massage me on her or email me at Becka.King253@Gmail.com I will try my best to reply to each comment. THANK YOU~!