This contains male-on-male love and sexual acts. If such material offends you, or you are not of age in your region for this type of material then please leave. Of course, I don't always know who is reading, so I can't force you to leave. So that means more readers for me!

Any names, places, or names of places that are same or similar to your experiences could be coincidental.

There may be mentions of celebrities (while characters are watching movies, television, magazines, etc.) but this should not infer as to their sexual orientations in real life.

You may not post this on any other website or any other means of publication without my explicit permission to do so.

Any questions, comments, and critiques are welcome, whether good or bad, and can be sent to

Tyler Christoper, not_allgrownup@hotmail.com

Note to Readers:

Though there are scenes of sexual activity and/or mentions of said activities, this is mainly a story of love, family, friendship and trying times.

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(please remember that if you're new to me, put the title of this story in the subject box so that I know it's not junk)

'With Arms Outstretched' - Chapter 10

It had been three weeks since we went camping. All that time, I'd been thinking about my friend Wes. He confessed to my parents that he was gay. Homosexual. I am gay myself. And I can't even think about being with Wes. He's an attractive boy, I just don't see 'us'. I'm holding out for Lenny. My best friend Lenny. Lenny is straight and sees me as a brother anyways. But I can't get it past my head that I should just approach Wes. I mean, I could grow to love the guy, right?


But what if I don't? What if I start and build a relationship with Wes, but I'm miserable the whole time? That wouldn't be fair anybody. But then again, there is the chance that I would love him unconditionally...

"Man, are ya spacin' out again?" Lenny asked exasperatedly.

"Umm... uhh... no. I'm good. Did you say something?" I asked coming back to my senses.

"I said that school starts up again soon. You must be excited!" Lenny mocked me.

"Yes, I must say that I've been missing all the brain work those teachers dish out," I mocked back.

I climbed out of Lenny's bed. Yes, I slept over at Lenny's house. I still haven't told him that I'm gay. I haven't told anybody else. So far, the only people I have told are my parents, my brother, and my mom's twin siblings Denise and Byron. I know that I should tell my friends. If I were their friend, then I should have the courtesy to share something with them that is such a big part of my life. I didn't have any problems with my family when I told them. Well, there were the incidents with my brother. But we've all moved past it.

"Whadda ya wanna do today?" Lenny asked as he reached to the floor for his shirt.

"I dunno. You know better than to ask me for plans," I groaned as I pulled my shirt over my head.

"Right. Let's call up a bunch of people and do something... something."

A couple weeks ago, a couple girls our age started hanging out with us boys. Actually, it was four: Sophie Graham (much to her pleasure, she makes it known that she likes me), Sophie's best friend Shannon Kedenson, and two of Sophie's posse Carla Demera and Julia Andrews. They are fun and like to joke around.

I left Lenny's bedroom and into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Lenny came into the bathroom and brushed his teeth along side me. The sight of both of us in the bathroom brushing out teeth side by side made the yearning stir inside me. I wanted this boy to love.

"Hellooooo? You okay?" Lenny called with tooth paste foam in his mouth. I had been in a daze AGAIN.

"Sorry... I just..."

"Got lost in your hear again?" Lenny finished sincerely, understandingly.

"I swear to God I'm not going insane," I confessed, half joking.

Lenny placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. "I never thought you were."

By now, my head hung low as I stared into the sink. That morning, I was just thinking about settling for Wes since he's gay and Lenny is not, but here I am, heart aching for Lenny.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Lenny asked concerned.


"We're barely teenagers and you are carrying the heart of a miserable man," Lenny stated growing more concerned.

"I think I must belong in a padded cell," I joked, trying to lighten the mood and my yearning.

There was a silence that grew to discomfort me.

"I know..." Lenny began really hesitantly, "that I am your best friend, or brother if you will, but don't be afraid to tell me to fuck off if I'm prying too much."

"I swear to you that I will tell you when I've learned how to…"

"Good. I hate it that we tell each other everything, but with this you went to your family first and I'm still in the dark," Lenny confessed looking distressed.

That statement cut me really deep. I felt the very beginnings of tears coming along. I pulled Lenny into a hug. I felt him tense. But that tension went away as fast as it came.

"I love you," I stated firmly, tears falling now. "No matter what happens between us, I'll love you. If you hate me, I'll still love you. I know that us being so close, I should tell you, but I'm scared shitless." I cried openly.

"Tyler, you're scaring me," Lenny whispered as I shuddered in tears.

With him calling me 'Tyler' instead of 'Ty', he wasn't lying when he said he was scared. And knowing that Lenny was genuinely scared about it, it cut me so much deeper. I stopped the tears and controlled the tearful shudders. I let go of Lenny and he let go of me.

"Don't worry, it isn't anything dangerous. I'm not in any trouble. I don't think," I affirmed as I wiped my teary eyes.

"Then I don't see why you can't tell me. I mean, we tell each other every little thing."

"I'll tell you soon. I know that I've almost got it wrapped around my head."

"Hey, Tyler, I've never heard their music before," Carla Demera stated as she looked at a poster of Our Lady Peace that hung on my bedroom wall.

It's now in the late afternoon. Lenny and I had called a bunch of our friends, yes, even girl friends, to come hang out at my house. John, Kevin and Noah were playing video games on my PlayStation 2 system. Carla, Shannon and Julia were looking at the various item that were in my room. Francis, Gary and Steven were playing some sort of card game on my bed. At the moment, Lenny had taken my eyeglasses off me and placed them upon his own face.

"Wow, your vision needs repairs," Lenny joked as he looked through the lenses at my room.

"Here, lemme try 'em on!" Sophie squealed as she snatched the glasses off Lenny's face. Sophie giggled as she peered through the lenses much the same as Lenny had. But I finally snatched them off Sophie's face.

"Hey, what's this?" Shannon called as she grabbed my sketch book off my bedside table.

"NO!" I cried as I rushed over. "Don't-- that's private."

"Sorry, I was just curious," Shannon apologized.

"Don't," Lenny defended. "That's Ty's sketch book. He doesn't allow anybody to even peek inside it."

"Dude, you draw?" Kevin asked as he was immersed in the video game.

"You're an artist?" Carla asked in a disbelieving tone. "That's so hot."

"What?" Sophie nearly shouted in astonishment. "Do you sketch demons or Death or something?"

"No," I laughed. "It's nothing like that at all. It's just private."

"He drew you once, Sophie," Lenny cooed.

Sophie's head snapped to my direction immediately. "Really!?"

I scowled at Lenny.

"Yeah, umm..." I said as I grabbed Sophie along with my sketchbook. I led her out into the hallway. I opened the book and flipped through the pages. "It was at your birthday party. After I told you I wasn't interested."

Sophie closely examined the drawing, scrutinizing every detail.

"This is really good," Sophie complimented. "But why sketch me so sad?"

"Guilt. The look on your face when I turned you down ate at me for bit," I softly explained.

Sophie was about to flip to the next page, but I swiftly snatched the book out of her grasp.

"Nuh-uh, that was only one I'm allowing you to see," I scolded gently.

"Aww come on!" Sophie gently argued, "You drew me so sad, I deserve to see at least one more!"

"Fine," I relented. "Go to one random page and that is the only you will see."

That, Sophie did. She was now looking at a sketch I had done of an elderly couple sitting on a park bench holding hands.

"How long did it take you to sketch this?" Sophie asked amazed.

"A couple weeks. See the paper from the torn out pages? Those were the… first drafts."

I told Sophie to go back into my room while I carried my sketchbook to my parents' office for security. When I got back into my bedroom, I could tell Sophie had told her friends about the sketches she saw. It didn't bug me that she did, I had expected no less from anybody. Lenny had been sitting in the same spot on the floor, but now Carla and Shannon were sitting with him conversing about something or another. So I traipsed along to them.

"Hiding your art?" Lenny asked cockily as I sat down on the floor across from him.

"My, my. Ty, your hair is getting long," Sophie proclaimed, as if it was a subject of dire import, while running a hand through my brown locks.

I found it off and discomforting that Sophie had the guts to do that. I risked a glance at Lenny. Of course, he found the situation comical. He wiggled his eyebrows at me. Carla and Shannon giggled like little girls at Sophie's actions. I suppose they saw it as Sophie marking her territory. I fought with myself internally not to make a big deal out of a girl doing girl things. Just then, my brother came into my bedroom.

"Pizza's here kids," Curtis bellowed from the now open doorway. He noticed me, sitting there, with Sophie's hand in my hair. Curtis cocked an eyebrow amusedly. I do suppose that it was hilarious to him; his gay brother being hit on by an unknowing girl.

Everybody made it out of my room and into the kitchen where the pizza sat waiting. Me, Lenny and Sophie were the last to leave, Curtis on my tail.

"My brother's got a girlfriend!" Curtis whispered into my ear as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, giggling.

Already growing tired of the teasing, I elbowed Curtis' stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Knowing Curtis, I escaped his grasp on my shoulders and bolted downstairs, past Sophie and Lenny. I could hear running footsteps behind me, surely it was Curtis. Before I knew it, I was pinned lying on my stomach of the carpet of the living room floor, with Curtis tickling my ribs. As I laughed uncontrollably from Curtis' tickle assault, I heard a lot of footsteps approaching the living room from the kitchen. I turned my head to face the spectators. Sure enough, all my friends and my parents watched as Curtis decidedly never thought to stop the onslaught of tickles.

"Alright, boys! Come eat!" my dad gently commanded.

Curtis reluctantly stopped. But I was still laughing like a hyena, gasping for air in the process. Curtis stood up, and held his hand out to help me to stand. I could feel the heat of my face. I knew I was red from that assault.

"So, you seem to have a great relationship with your brother," Carla commented as we watched the movie.

After dinner, my parents decided to put on a movie on the big screen TV. Everyone had agreed upon watching 'The Goonies'.

"Umm, yeah," I replied to Carla's statement. "We had a little falling out over the summer but we worked it out."

"You two seem to have a lot of fun together," Carla reiterated.

"Well yeah, we've always done stuff together. Even before the summer. We used to share toys, he likes to play games on my PS2, we play basketball together."

"And my, what blue eyes," Carla stated dreamily.

"Sounds to me like somebody's crushing on my brother," I said trying to will away the humor. "He went out with a girl named Annabeth last week. And he really liked her."

"Hmm, my mom was right. All the good guys are either gay or taken," Carla huffed. I was shocked to my core.

"What?" I asked fearful.

"Umm, nothing! He made me promise I wouldn't tell anybody!" Carla whispered urgently.

That relieved me, she wasn't talking about me. But who was she talking about? Could she be talking about Wes? I mean, they know each other. But Wes is not the only gay kid in the city, that much I know.

"So, grab whatever supplies you think you'll need, boys," my mom encouraged my brother and I as we walked through the aisles of the school supplies in a Staples store.

It had been a week since the pizza dinner and movie at our house. My mom and dad were going shopping for supplies for their respective careers. My dad suggested we go shopping for our school supplies at the same time, since school is scheduled to start the following Monday. So Curtis and I grabbed pens, pencils, notebooks, loose-leaf paper, binders, rulers, protractors, compasses (not the magnetic compass, the compass for drawing circles), felt markers, colored pencils, the works. Mags and Nate had given Lenny a couple hundred dollars to come along with us. My grandparents had also given Denise and Byron a couple hundred dollars each to come with us as well. We all had to drive in two cars.

My dad pushed the cart along, with my leaning into his side and dad holding her. Of course, my mom's stiletto boots click-clacking on the floor. She also wore a filly skirt, a white tank under a black jacket. My dad wore a form-fitting grey suit. If he weren't my dad, I'd say he was the 'hot, older man fantasy'. But he's me dad, so I'll say that my dad is a good-looking man, and that I hope I have his looks when I'm his age. It's rare that my dad wears a suit. He always wore a suit to church and special occasions, but he usually wore jeans and tee.

"So, what backpack do you like?" my mom asked as she eyed the selection of backpacks in front of her.

"Can I go messenger?" I asked hopeful.

"A messenger-style beg? Sure, if that's what you want," my dad agreed.

I looked at the small array of messenger bags beside the backpacks. I selected an olive-green canvas messenger back with a black dragon embroidery in the flap.

"Ty, that's nice!" Denise enthusiastically complimented the bag I had chosen.

"Do you mind if I buy the same?" Byron asked.

"We go to different schools, so I don't mind," I answered.

"Which do you think I should get?" Lenny asked as he held a black messenger back and a one-strap backpack.

"They're both nice. Hard choice," I answered as I looked both bags over.

"I know," Lenny sighed. "But what do you think I should get?"

Lenny's eagerness for my opinion warmed my heart. Then it cracked. I wanted him and I couldn't have him the way I desired so badly.

"Come back to reality," my dad whispered to me as he and mom walked past, laughing. I had been staring off at Lenny.

"What do they find so funny?" Lenny asked still trying decide which bag to get. "I'll just go messenger."

"Rien, juste mon cauchemar," I replied sadly. (Nothing, just my nightmare.)

"What?" Lenny asked confused by the language.

"Nothing, let's go," I urged as everybody else turned into another aisle.

"My nephew," Byron called my attention as Lenny and I caught up with them.

"Hmm?" I answered.

Before Byron could proceed, he looked at Lenny, keeping in his mind that Lenny doesn't know I'm gay.

"Rappelez-vous, il ne parle pas français," I reminded Byron as I glanced at Lenny, who was walking along side me. (Remember, he does not speak French.)

"Aahh," Byron remembered. "Ne sait-il pas?" (Does he not know?)

By now, my parents were looking intently at us. So were Curtis and Denise. Of course, Lenny was looking as well, only he doesn't know what is being discussed.

Since the guilt had once again pooled in my heart, all I could do to answer Byron was by nodding my head in the affirmative.

"But, Ty, Lenny's your brother!" Denise blurted.

"Denise Marie!" my mom scolded.

Everyone was looking at me. Denise's face showed regret, Byron and Curtis' faces showed pity, my dad's showed fear, my mom's looked pissed. But the worst was Lenny's. It cut me so much deeper than I'd been before. Lenny's face portrayed sorrow. I could now feel the heaviness of my heart, and the weight of my eyes as tears formed. I had been carrying the messenger bag that I'd selected earlier, along with a new wallet, a beanie hat and a couple sketchbooks. But I dropped everything to the floor and grabbed Lenny into a tight hug and the tears fell silently.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice threatening to break.

Before Lenny could think of a response, I released the hold and swiftly made my way to the exit.

"Ty!" both my mom and Denise called.

I ignored them. I kept walking, fighting my damned hardest to stop the tears. After a minute, the tears were not falling freely anymore, just trickling down.

As I made my way out of the store parking lot, I heard the familiar click-clacking of my mom's stiletto boots on the concrete parking lot. By now the tears were no more, but my eyes burned.

"Ty, just come back. Denise--"

"I'll walk home!" I said angrily, interrupting my mom's sentence.

"That's thirteen kilometers away!" my mom protested.


"We'll drive home," my mom softly suggested.

"But... what about--"

"They can all fit in your dad's truck."

I agreed. My mom called my dad on their cell phones and explained the situation. My dad said Denise wanted to come, but my mom demanded my dad stop her. I was thankful. I didn't feel like seeing Denise anytime soon.

The drive home was silent, as I had requested at the beginning. I stared out the passenger door window, my head resting on the glass. Outside, I looked... dead, I guess. But inside, it was pure chaos. My emotions changing from anger, to sorrow, to pure anger, to painful sorrow.

Before my mom could park her car in the driveway, I unbuckled my seat belt and exited the car, eliciting a scolding from my mom. I made a beeline for the front door, up the stairs, to my bedroom door. Once my door was closed, I rested my back and head on it and slid down crying. I sat in front of the door sobbing for God knows how long. Once I felt I shed an appropriate amount of tears, I stood up and walked over to my dresser. I angrily swept the photos, deodorant, and sketches off its surface, yelling in frustration. No doubt my mom heard, but she decided not to disturb me. For which I praise her. I laid my head on my arms as they rested on the now barren dresser surface and cried. I felt arms embrace me and a head rest upon my shoulder.

"I know what Denise did was--" my mom began.

"I'm not pissed because of her," I stated firmly, interrupting her.

"Then what's wrong, baby?"

"It's all my fault," I cried. "It's hurting Lenny, that I'm keeping him in the dark."

"Maybe you should tell him."

"Then he'll hate me! I can't have him hate me, he's my everything!"

"He's just one boy."


"I'm sorry," my mom apologized a little shake. "I spoke before I thought."

I screamed in fear, my heart skipped a beat and was now thumping wildly in my chest. I had been sitting in my room, on the floor drawing Lenny, the way he looked in the Staples store earlier that day. All of the sudden a hand gripped my knee, scaring the shit out of me. It was Lenny.

"Hey," Lenny greeted as he carefully eyed my destroyed bedroom.

The contents of my dresser now laid on the floor. My mattress now hanging off the wooden frame. My blanket and pillows scattered about.

"I knocked and you didn't answer. I called your name and you didn't answer. I came in and you didn't greet me. I greeted you and you didn't hear me.," Lenny stated calmly.

"Sorry," I couldn't bear to look him in the eye. "I've just been in here," I stated as I tapped my head.

"You okay?" Lenny carefully asked. "Denise is really sorry."

"It's not Denise I'm angry at."

"Is it me?" Lenny asked alarmed.

"No. It's not you. But can we not--"

"It's okay. I just thought I'd keep you company tonight."

That statement cut at my heart again. But I willed the pain away before it showed on me.

"So," I said, trying to make myself seem fine. "Whaddya wanna do?"

"Well," Lenny started, looking around the jungle of a room, "let's fix this place up. Then we can... I dunno, let's go see Noah."

I readily agreed, I hadn't seen Noah in since I had those many friends over.

"So, class, that is what we will be studying this term. And in a minute, the bell will ring, ending your first school day. Tomorrow, all your real work begins, so be prepared," Mr. Varne, the English teacher, stated less than enthusiastically. My guess is that he was still enjoying the summer break, as we all were.

A week after the incident at Staples, school started back up from the summer break.

Thirty seconds later, the bell rang. Everyone jumped to their feet and rushed out the classroom door.

"The nerd must be thrilled school is back up." Noah teased as he grabbed a hold of my shoulder.

I laughed along side Lenny and Noah. They teased me quite a bit because of my obligation to get certain grades. I never took offense to it, they don't mean it to be malicious.

"Hey!" Kevin called as he and John ran to catch up with us as we headed to exit the school.

"We're going to the park to play some ball with Francis and Gary. You guys game?" John asked.

"Ooh, sorry, I can't. I got chores to do," I answered for myself.

"I can't also, I'm helping Ty," Lenny stated.

This boy makes it harder not to be in love with him.

"But call me tonight if you guys are doing anything," I added lively.

"Hey," I greeted Shane when Lenny and I went into the kitchen to fix ourselves a snack. Shane had been grabbing a soda from the refrigerator.

"Hey! Ty and Ben!" Shane greeted back, walking over and pulled me into a one-armed hug. Off his arms, I could smell his natural scent. Off his pits, I could faintly smell sweat. Off his shirt or neck, I could smell his cologne. Holy fuck, all those smells aroused me senseless.

"It's Lenny," Lenny corrected stiffly.

I don't know why, but Lenny always had a dislike toward Shane.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I grudgingly escaped Shane's grasp.

"Oh, your dad came to get some paperwork. He's in the office."

"Hey, my boy," my dad greeted as he descended the stairs. "Hey Lenny. Your mom told me to tell you to chop veggies for a chicken stir-fry. She said the chicken is already cut up."

"Ooh, I'll do that while Ty does his chores," Lenny fervently suggested.

Lenny has been showing an interest in cooking, or culinary stuff.

"Done!" Lenny called as he finished his algebra homework.

School had been well under way, two weeks in. Lenny and I were in my bedroom, doing our algebra homework lying on our stomachs on my bed. Lenny had finished his a couple questions ahead of myself. We compared our answers. Both of us had gotten one question wrong each. I turned over onto my back after I corrected mine. I placed both my hands under my head to pillow it. I only assume Lenny relaxed on his stomach.

We laid that way for a while, in a comfortable silence. After a minute, I felt movement on the bed, so I opened my eyes. What I saw caught me off guard. When I opened my eyes, I saw Lenny's face coming closer and closer to mine. Before I could react, Lenny laid his lips on mine.


To Be Continued...


(please remember that if you're new to me, put the title of this story in the subject box so that I know it's not junk)

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Questions, comments, and critiques are welcome, whether good or bad, and can be sent to


Tyler Christopher