Date: Tue, 3 Mar 2015 20:40:08 -0600
From: jdhauthor67@gmail.com
Subject: Zinger Part Ten

The following is a work of fiction/fantasy. While it is based on real
people, the events depicted are not based on actual events. This work is
the property of the author; copyright protection should be respected. This
work involves sexual relationship between two males. If that offends you,
then please move on.

Please let me know whether you like the story/feel free to offer criticism,
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Part Ten

	The six weeks after my return from Spain were a whirlwind, and I
got vertiginous in it. Normally hyper-rational and deliberate, I had
thoughtlessly made monumental life decisions on the fly and based on
nothing other than craven emotion. My friends had tried to reign me in, to
slow me down, to talk even a scintilla of sense into me, but I was not to
be deterred. I was like a bull that had seen red. I charged.

	The day before Teddy and his boys were to arrive, the whirlwind
stopped spinning, I got my bearings back, and I freaked out. I was gripped
by fear bordering on panic. Based on a two week vacation, I had agreed for
all intents and purposes to marry an ostensibly straight man and help him
raise his four teen-aged boys, who likely were still reeling emotionally
from the tragic death of their mother and who almost certainly were going
to be rocked, if not wrecked, by the idea of their father loving and
fucking another man. Yes, there was some history behind those two weeks,
but that history was ancient. Teddy did not really know me anymore, I did
not really know him anymore, and I certainly did not know Matthew and Mark
(the 16 year old set of twins) or Kurt and Kyle (the 12 year old set). I
also knew nothing about parenting, much less about parenting teenaged
boys. My own parents had been tragic parenting failures. My only experience
as a caregiver had been with a rescue cat, and I had abandoned him to my
best friend, Thom. All three of us were happier with Elmer in Thom's care.

	I was in Evanston alone, so my support structure was not even
proximate. They were all down in the city I had hastily abandoned.

	Frozen to inaction, I called Thom. He answered after the first
ring. He knew me better than I knew myself.

	"Scared shitless aren't you?"

	"Yes, how did you know?"

	"Because, tomorrow, the dream becomes reality, and shit gets real."

	"How could I have been so naive? I don't know him, he doesn't know
me, and I don't know his kids at all. I have never even met them, and they
are moving in here tomorrow. I don't even know if they know why they are
moving to the Chicago suburbs."

	"Honey, you got caught up in the fairy tale. We all want to live
happily ever after. But, you know what my mother used to say, 'want in one
hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first.'"

	"Your mother had a wonderful way with words."

	"You know it."

	"Tell me it will be okay."

	"It will be okay."

	"Tell me again, and, this time, mean it."

	"You know I can't do that. You are too smart for that. It very well
may not be okay. But, I can tell you that I hope it is. I hope your dreams
come true. I hope it's the fucking gay Brady Bunch for you and this guy I
have never met. But, if it isn't, I'll be here to help you piece your life
back together once it all comes undone."

	"Is it going to be awful?"

	"I don't know if it will be awful. But, it will be hard. Really,
really hard. Like harder than anything you have ever done. But, I admire
you for trying to do it."

	"Thanks."

	"Just keep a level head and keep getting back up again. You know,
it's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get
back up."

	"From your mother?"

	"Nope. I am not sure where I got that. Probably off one of those
horrible inspirational posters with kittens or dogs preaching 'faith isn't
faith until it's all you're holding onto'."

	"Thanks, Thom."

	"You betcha, Kevo. Good luck tomorrow. And, call every time you
need to."

	"I will."

	I should have hung up, but I could not. We just listened to each
other breathe. We did this a lot. It was comforting. It was like holding
each other in the modern, wireless world. I don't know how long we sat like
that, but Thom broke the trance at just the right time, just as I was
starting to freak again.

	"Listen, dude, you are the smartest and the strongest guy I
know. If anyone can do this, you can. Remember to hold on tight, but not so
tight you choke off the oxygen."

	"I love you, Thom."

	"I love you, too, brother. Now, go take a Xanax."

	We hung up. I felt reinforced, but still very fragile. I took a
Xanax. And drank a bottle of wine on my screened porch.

	When I woke up, it was morning. Teddy and his boys were driving in
and due to arrive that evening. I frantically put the finishing touches on
the three bedrooms that were not mine, one for Matthew and Mark, one for
Kurt and Kyle, and one for Teddy, as I was not sure what he had told his
boys or what the arrangements would or should be as they got settled. The
house had two masters, and I set each of them up for the twin sets. If they
were going to have to share rooms, they at least needed to be spacious with
their own bathrooms.

	By the time they pulled up outside, I was a bundle of jangled, raw
nerves. I had also dropped another Xanax and was well into a bottle of
wine.

	As they trudged up the walk, they looked beat or beaten. I could
not decoct which.

	I opened the door before they rang or knocked. No one spoke, other
than Teddy, who unaffectionately said "hello." We stood awkwardly and
silently in the foyer, like boxers trying to get the feel of the
fight. Finally, Teddy asked me to show them to their rooms. I did. Matthew
and Mark immediately went into theirs and closed the door behind them. Kurt
and Kyle did the same. Then, Teddy did as well. I was alone on the landing
in a house full of strange men. I felt like an innkeeper. Or a butler. I
went downstairs and finished off the bottle of red and made dinner. When no
one came downstairs, I went up and knocked on Teddy's door. When he opened,
his expression floored me. I grabbed him and held him. He sank into me.

	"That bad?" I knew from our calls that Teddy planned to spend the
drive from D.C. to Chicago talking his boys through the changes that were
coming.

	"Worse."

	"I made dinner."

	"I doubt there will be any dinner tonight, at least for the boys."

	"How bad was it?"

	"It was to be expected, I guess. I got so caught up in you, I
forgot about them. I'm their father. I cannot forget about them, and I feel
like shit for having done so. And, I was utterly and completely naive to
think they would just accept all this upheaval on the heels of their
mother's death. They did not, and they called me out on it. I think I got
ahead of myself on this one. I certainly got ahead of them."

	"I know what you mean. I had a massive panic attack yesterday and
another one today. We don't know each other. Not really. And, I don't know
your boys at all. And, they certainly do not know me. Yet, here we all are,
5 strangers thrown together in a strange house."

	"We do know each other. At least how it matters. But, we are going
to have to quell that for awhile. I got interrogated on the drive. 'So,
you're gay now? Were you always gay? Was your marriage to mom just a big
lie? Did mom know? Who is this guy? Did he trick you? Is he supposed to
take our mom's place? How could you move on so fast?' It was awful."

	"We need to give them time. We need to give us time."

	Teddy took my hand. "I'm not worried about us. I'm really
not. We'll bump around a bit, hit a few snags, figure out how to fit
together, but we'll be fine." He paused. "Actually, we'll be better than
fine. We'll be great. But, I'm not so sure about the boys."

	Teddy followed me downstairs. We ate together and talked. It may
have been the Xanax and the wine, but it felt comfortable, old. Like it was
like it was supposed to be. When we finished, we took plates up to the boys
and sat them outside their bedroom doors. I went into my bedroom while
Teddy knocked and tried to persuade them through their doors to eat.

	When Teddy went into his room, I was sitting on his bed.

	"How did you get in here?"

	"Through the bathroom. It's a jack and jill. It connects our
rooms. The boys have the masters. I claimed these two rooms for the
access. I thought it would be easier on them if you did not just move into
my room."

	Teddy smiled at me. Unless his boys were dumb, they'd soon figure
out why they got the master suites. In the meantime, Teddy used the access
to join me that night after he had tried and failed to talk to his boys out
of their rooms. We tried to be quiet, but we were not. We tried to resolve
all of our doubts with the sureness and certainty of our love-making. We
kissed each other and we sucked each other and we fucked each other until
we were exhausted. We fell asleep naked and wrapped up in each other, the
doors to our rooms locked so we would not be discovered. As I fell asleep,
I knew Teddy was right. He and I would be fine. It was the boys we had to
fret over.

	Teddy's boys were not dumb. I did not expect them to be, but they
resolved even the hint of a doubt the following morning (a Sunday) at
breakfast. They grilled me and their father. A former lawyer, I held my
own. But, only barely. Their father got ransacked. In the end, the boys
made clear they were not happy about Teddy and me, they were not happy
about what "we" were doing, they were not happy about Teddy "moving on"
from their mother, and they were not happy to be in Evanston and had no
plans to stay, if they could help it. They had already talked to their
grandparents about staying with them in D.C., and they were urging that
solution on us. The confrontation had been seething. They were going to be
tough nuts to crack, and I had no analogous experience from which to draw.

	I noted as they confronted us how disparate the boys were. Matthew
was older than Mark by 2 minutes or so, but it could easily have been two
years. He bore all the traits of the oldest child. He spoke for the
group. He was confident and certain and enraged, although he never raised
his voice. He hissed beneath his father's blue eyes (he and Mark looked
almost exactly like their father had when I had met him oh so long ago).

	Mark was similar to Matthew only in appearance. In personality, he
was far reserved and taciturn. It was clear he deferred to Matthew. He had
said very little that morning, expressing himself mostly through his glare
and occasional grimaces.

	Kurt and Kyle looked and acted almost the same. In appearance, they
favored their mother, which was too bad for them. They were okay looking,
but their older brothers were striking. In action, they were
ebullient. They smiled broadly and easily, almost constantly. They were
going to be easier, at least I thought they were.

	Teddy was a good father, I could tell. Although he got ransacked by
his boys, he did not get angry or reactive. He listened more than he
spoke. He never got defensive. I took my cue from him, although I said very
little except in response to direct questions.

	After the confrontation, the boys retreated to their rooms, and
Teddy and I went out onto the screened porch. Teddy went first.

	"We need to formulate a plan and answer their questions."

	"I agree," I said, as I started taking notes. I am a visual person
and a chronic note-taker.

	Teddy and I talked all day. By dinner, we had five talking points
to share with the boys. Teddy laid them out over dinner, which he had made
mandatory.

	"I listened to the four of you this morning. I did. I really
listened. Now, I want you to listen to me. First, I know this is tough on
you. I really do. I understand your reaction, and I appreciate it. I need
you to understand that I understand.

	"Second, you will respect me and you will respect Kevin. I am your
parent, and I will be making the parenting decisions. But, Kevin will have
input, and you will treat him at all times with respect. You do not have to
love him, although I think you will, or even like him, which I am sure you
will. But, you do have to respect him.

	"Third, it is time for the pouting and the insolence to end. It is
not going to have the hoped for effect. We are not going back to Spain. We
are not going somewhere else. You are not going to D.C. You are staying
here, with me. You can choose to like it, or you can choose to hate
it. It's your choice. I hope you choose to like it, as it will make all of
our lives better. But, whether you choose to like it or hate it, it is time
for you stop acting like the brats you are not.

	"Fourth, you will have input into all aspects of living in this
house. But, the final decisions will be mine and Kevin's. We will talk them
through with you before they are made. But, once they are made, they are
made, and you need to accept them.

	"Finally, I love you unconditionally. I always have and I always
will. I would like the same in return, and I have not been getting that
recently from any of you."

	Teddy's eyes glistened as he finished. "After dinner, I want all
four of you to go to your rooms, to sit down, and to think long and hard
about how lucky you are. You have a great father. You had a great mother,
which is a lot more than a lot of kids can say. You have great
brothers. You have money, you have stuff, you live needless lives. And, the
new life that you are so pissed off about is in a great home in a great
suburb of a great city in a great country. Yes, I am asking you to make
adjustments. But, that's life. We always have to adjust. But, through it
all, we are and always will be us. The rest is just window dressing."

	All four boys were crying by the time he finished. So was I. We ate
in silence. When dinner was over, the boys all did as they had been
told. Teddy told me to go to bed, he would clean the kitchen. He wanted to
be alone to think.

	I was asleep by the time Teddy slid in next to me.

	"I think that went well. I think you got through to them."

	"We'll see."

	"You seem circumspect."

	"They're teenaged boys. They think they know everything. And, they
think I don't know anything. So, we'll see."

	I rolled into him. As we had the night before, we kissed and sucked
and fucked until we were spent. It was languid, as there was for the first
time in our lives together no clock ticking. After, I lay with my head on
his shoulder and my hand in his chest hair.

	"What did you tell them when they asked if you were gay?"

	"The truth."

	"What's that?"

	"That I fell in love with you when I was in high school, that we
drifted apart when we were in college, that I dated a lot of girls through
my 20s, that I never thought I was the marrying kind until I met their
mother, that I loved her very much through every minute of our marriage and
never betrayed her, that her death almost killed me, and that I reconnected
with you after she died and found hope where I thought there was none. And,
that I did not know what that made me, and I saw no need to try to label
it."

	I stewed on his answer for a bit. "What did they say?"

	"Matthew scoffed 'That's total bullshit. You're at least bi, if not
a total fag.'"

	I started to laugh. Teddy laughed, too.

	When I stopped laughing, I laid bare the elephant in the room.

	"They're going to be tougher than I thought."

	"Yep."