USUAL DISCLAIMER
"IF SOMETHING CALLED DESTINY EXISTS..." is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.

IF SOMETHING
CALLED DESTINY
EXISTS...
Andrej Koymasky © 2020
Written on June 5 th 1994
Translated by the Author
English text kindly revised by Nick
4 - NI - BACK TO MY COUNTRY

A young carpenter
going back home at evening:
crickets are chirping!

Back to Japan, several things had changed. The most evident one was that the Samurais were forbidden to wear their two swords and their characteristic coiffure. My father, even if he continued to declare himself loyal to His Majesty's government, felt for that such a pain that he never again went out of home -- without his two swords, he said, he would have felt like being naked. So he remained voluntarily interned to his house until his death. His behaviour was very much criticized by the government's milieu, as my father was a well known man and his silent opposition had a certain weight. As a consequence, his attitude severely prejudiced also his sons' career. Thus I, who hoped at my return to get a good place at the Imperial University, had to renounce my dreams.

On one side I was angry for that with my father, but on the other side, even if his behaviour seemed to me really exaggerated, I could understand him. The external symbols are not an end in themselves but they point out to all a set of contents, of meanings. Forbidding the samurais to wear their two swords and their hairstyle, was practically giving them the service letter and dismissing them. It was telling them: "in the new order there is no more place for you". What after all was also true. But nobody likes to be told "you, your history, your traditions, have no more value".

Thus, to earn a living, I had to make do with German teaching in the High School. It was not exactly what I dreamed about, and I got the feeling that in this way my years of studies abroad were wasted or at least underutilized. But it was not in my power to oppose this new state of things, so I could do nothing but adapt myself.

I found a small house in the new capital, in the outskirts, a zone called Shinjuku that is New Lodgings, for a reasonable price. It was small but there was anything I could need and, in a certain way, besides for its architectural style, it recalled to me the little house in Otto's garden. At first I felt rather lonely, but gradually I got new friends or met again some of my old friends of the university, thus things became a little better.

At times we met for the Tea Ceremony -- I really loved these occasions when I could put aside my worries and immerse myself in the mystical and quiet atmosphere of the tea sharing. Being able to admire the tools, precious in their humbleness, to create with the others an atmosphere done of small gestures, of simple things. I loved above all the occasions when I was invited by a master, a friend of my friends, who in my opinion more than many others was living in the tea-art spirit. Master Miyakoshi, in fact, differently from many, didn't go in search for precious, famous, renowned, rare tools. What he was looking for were humble, simple tools that could really contribute to create that harmony so needed in that epoch of change.

I just missed a lover to be fully happy. My mother, at our hometown, insisted to look for a wife for me, but I had absolutely no intention to marry and so, with various pretexts, I continued to refuse to meet with the "good girls" she continued to propose me each time.

I don't mean I lacked adventures. At times I went to make love with a young and nice kabuki actor, and at times I could also take home with me some big boy who, for a few coins, was available to spend a night in my bed and to please me. But they were all adventures without a story that, if also appeased me that time, let on me the anxious state of mind and the desire to find someone with whom to share my life.

For my delight I draw a portrait of my ideal lover, and I annotated it with notes on the character I would like him to have -- but it was too idealized, I told myself, I would never find such a person. At times I painted again that portrait, modifying it with some features and traits of one of the boys coming to make love with me, and thus that portrait became more and more ideal and idealized.

For the house chores, thanks to some acquaintances, I managed to find a skilled young man called Naosuke, who formerly was a servant in the home of an artisan. He was not really beautiful, but when he was going around wearing just his fundoshi, I couldn't avoid to feel for him some desire, that, with my loneliness, was gradually increasing and strengthening. So, one night I could not sleep and was seized by a strong sexual urge, I told myself it could be worth to try. I slipped inside his little room and, with a mixture of daring and fearing, under his quilt.

"Master!" he whispered waking up, staying still. When in silence I started to undress him, he let me have my way and rather he made my task easier so I understood he was willing to accept. When I tried to take him, not only he didn't escape my desire, but seemed to really enjoy my attentions. He didn't surrender to my lust just because I was the mater and he my servant, but because he too evidently liked the sex between men.

Afterwards, while he was tiding me up, he said: "Thank you, master."

"This is not your first time, is it?"

"No. My former master often came, in night-time, when his wife was asleep. And before he married, also his eldest son come often to visit my futon, during the night." he quietly said.

I laughed: "It never happened that both came, at the same time?"

"No, master. They knew about each other, therefore they put a sign outside the door when they came to have sex with me. So there was no problem."

"Who of them did you like best?"

"Both of them. The old master was more skilled, but the young master was more beautiful."

"And you, Naosuke, did never slip in the futon of somebody?"

"Yes, sure, at times. When I felt aroused and the masters didn't came, I went to slip in the futon of the boy carrying out the heavy tasks."

"Did he sleep alone?"

"No, with the others shop workers. But we did so that the others didn't wake up, raising no noises."

"You did it amongst the others???"

"Sure. He slept near the deposit's door and at night the room was completely dark. He left the door slightly open, allowing me to slip inside, so I could directly enter in his futon, between him and the wall, hidden by the darkness and by his quilt. He untied and pulled off his fundoshi and let me take him. Nobody never was aware of nothing or, even if he was, never talked about it. By the way, I think that not even that boy knew who was slipping in his futon some nights and took him. He never saw me. Anyway, we never talked about it."

"But, the first time you went?"

"A night I just pushed aside the sliding door and tried... As you did with me, master. I didn't know if he would welcome me or not. We were many in that house, so he could not know who I was and neither see me in that complete darkness, but he let me do with him all I desired. When I tried the second time, I found the door sufficiently open, so I understood he was waiting for me."

I went back in Naosuke's room several times. What I liked in him was that after making love, we chatted. In day-time he behaved with me normally, like any servant with his master, as if between us there was nothing. In fact there was just sex, even if really agreeable. But I, inside myself, desired something other.

Other, that nor the kabuki boys, neither the big boys coming with me for a few cents, and neither my servant seemed able to give me -- love, or at least affection. No, everybody seemed able to give me just their bodies, even if at times it was a young, pleasurable, harmonious, sensual body. And some were also able to give me much pleasure. And that's all.

Little by little I met also other men loving sex with our gender like me, and we became friends, but nothing more. We fit well together and we told each other our dreams, our adventures, our desires like good friends, we read together ancient tales of love between males, we went together to the Tea Ceremony, or to the Flowers' Admiration, to theatre, but I would have liked doing all this with a lover.

One of these friends was the English teacher in my same High School. We met and understood about each other in the kabuki theatre.

When my young actor saw him, he bent near my ear and whispered, pointing at him: "Do you see that man? He is my brother's lover. He is really in love with my brother and fills him with presents. Not as you do with me!" he concluded with a reproach tone. I looked in the direction he was pointing with his glance, and recognized my colleague Tachikawa. He too recognized me. Later, while we were strolling in the garden near the theatre, we had a long chat.

"Oh, good evening Fujita-san! You too are passionate of kabuki as I am? And like me of its young actors, as I can notice." he said with a not just formal courtesy.

"A healthy pastime, Tachikawa-san, a sound pastime." I answered with the tone of a worldly man.

"Sound, but somewhat expensive, at least wit my Kikujiro. But on the other side, his art is worth a little sacrifice. He could not yet be a refined actor, but for the rest he really is a genius, in his field. You never had intimacy moments with him?"

"No, I prefer his elder brother Kikutaro."

"Ah, too old for me -- he must be around eighteen, now. Kikujiro is fifteen, a real flower. He has lips tasting honey and he is able to play my flute in a really sublime way. On his back, he is still velvety like a peach, soft and firm. And his hands are more strong, but more delicate and skilled than those of a koto player. Right Kikujiro?"

"Yes, master Tachikawa, but let's go, now, or this sweet evening will flow away even too fast." the boy said him coquettish. My colleague smiled pleased. We bid good bye.

I looked at them going away towards the pleasure neighbourhood. I waited for my Kikutaro to be ready and, together, we went to the usual tea-house that would shelter also for that night out love effusions. I liked Kikutaro because he was physically well developed even though he was just eighteen year old.

Kikutaro was really skilled in bed and was able to give me hours of sheer delight. But at times, for my taste, he was somewhat too effeminate, and by the way in kabuki he played the "onnagata", that is the woman's parts, and he was somewhat too coquettish. Naosuke was more virile, even if of course he was less experienced and refined, more rough and instinctive, but he gave himself to me with merry simplicity.

Then, I met Sadao, and took a fancy to him.

Sadao was the boy of the "sento", the public bathhouse. I saw him the first time I went there to bathe. Wearing just a fundoshi and a happy-coat, he was cleaning the premises. His fundoshi was well tight and full and at once attired my glances, as well as his small and firm butts. I normally go to the sento on late evenings, as at that time there are no women and children, and usually I am amongst the last to leave. One evening I was alone in there, Sadao entered and asked if it bothered me if he started doing the cleaning, but he said I could stay at my ease. I said him to do without worry what he had to do. Meanwhile I enjoyed his sight and soon I became aroused. Then, instead of hiding my state, I moved so that, if he looked towards me, he could not avoid to become aware of my excitation. What exactly happened. I noticed that, while he was continuing to busy himself in his task, his eyes glanced more and more often between my legs.

"Why don't you too come bathing?" I asked him with an alluring tone.

He looked at me slightly surprised and said: "I would like, sir, but my father doesn't want us of the family to bathe together with our customers. He says it is not correct."

"But it's me asking you, moreover your father is at the entrance cashier, he can't see us. And at this time no more clients will come. Go on, pull off that fundoshi and come!" I said, starting to feel more self-assured.

"I really can not, I am sorry. I would willingly come, believe me, sir. Yes, willingly." he said throwing another eloquent glance at my conspicuous erection. I then went out of the wide tub and drew near him.

When I was in front of him, I asked: "What is your name?"

"Sadao, sir."

"How old are you?"

"I am twenty, sir."

"You are very handsomely shaped, Sadao." I said looking in his eyes, and founding the courage to caress the front of his more and more tense fundoshi. He slightly blushed but didn't move.

He looked at my body, at my erect member and murmured: "Never like you, sir, never like you are."

"I like you Sadao. I would like meeting you out of here, to be able to spend some hours with you."

"Where, sir? Do you have some ideas?"

"You can come to my home, I live in the house with the wooden fence, just before the bridge, on the left. There, we could meet without worries."

"The day after tomorrow is my free day, sir. On late afternoon I normally go to do purchases for the family and I usually pass right there. Will you be at home, sir? Will it not be odd if someone sees me coming at your place, sir? Will I not bother you?"

"No, you will not bother me at all, on the contrary... There is a back entrance to the garden, on the side by the river. You will find it easily, it is a small wooden door with two azalea bushes at its sides. I will not lock it. I will warn my servant I am waiting for a visit, therefore he would not stop you or make inquiries. I will be waiting for you on the veranda overlooking the river."

"I will come, sir. I will unfailingly come." he answered with a nice smile, at once shy and pleased.

In fact he came. I showed him in my room and, under the warm rays of the sun near to set, and that were glowing on his young and sensual body. Feeling filled with desire, I untied his obi, pulled off his kimono, freed him of his fundoshi and asked him to do the same to me. He was deeply stirred, his hands were trembling but he showed a more than pleasurable erection. The futon was already spread so I attired him on it. He, docile, let me guide him there. He was so passive and bashful that for a moment I asked myself if by chance he didn't repent having accepted my invitation, but I was now too excited to renounce to him, now that he was there with me, naked and terribly desirable.

As soon as I lay near him and started to caress him all over his body, it was as he suddenly awoke -- he started to take an active part in my erotic games with a kind of joyous enthusiasm. It had been really pleasurable making love with him, as he was sweet and virile at once, so later I invited him to come again. He immediately accepted with genuine enthusiasm. I wanted to give him a present before he leaved, but he, gallantly, said that I gave him the most beautiful and precious gift, allowing him to lie down with me, and that I deposited my gift in him when I took him, so he absolutely didn't want to accept anything else.

"It is my first time with a gentleman as you are." he told me in way of an explanation.

"With whom do you usually do it?" I asked him, curious.

"Since we are here in Tokyo, with nobody, nobody before you, I mean, sir. But when we still were at our village, I did it with several boys. But they all were country boys, they were not skilled as you are, in making love. Moreover, we couldn't do it at home, on a futon, but we had to hide out of our village amongst the wood's bushes, if weather assisted us, and we had to do it quickly..."

Sadao, a simple and genuine boy, who a day confessed me somewhat worried that his parents found a girl for him, a girl he had to marry, and were planning to fix the marriage day. He was afraid he was not able to perform his husband's duties, because he never felt aroused, or just attracted by women since when still twelve years old, a young pilgrim monk passing through his village, attired him amongst the bushed and initiated him to love between males.

Sadao, a sweet and generous boy, who when came at my home, before making love asked me if he was not bothering me, and who in bed did its utmost to please me in any way, and that afterwards asked me, worriedly, if he had been able to really give me all the pleasure I desired.

Sadao, to whom I became deeply affectionate, but who I couldn't anyway really consider as my lover. Because between him and me, besides the hours of intense pleasure, there was nothing else in common.

CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 5


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