Autumn evening:
red and golden leaves flow
in the quiet stream.
In all those years we kept regular rapport with my colleague Tachikawa and with his Aritada, who was now twenty years old and he too was studying at the Tokyo University, in the Political Sciences faculty. The little Aritada has grown to a handsome young man and, growing older, he succeeded in taming the good Tachikawa so that, contrary to his habit, stopped eternally going in hunt of adolescents and stayed with his boyfriend. Thanks to Aritada, I also renewed my relationship with the Mori family. The grand father was doting on his grand son and Aritada, even without overdoing it, was able to obtain from his grandfather all he wanted. Yukichi and Aritada, having just three years between them, became very good friends. So, it was Aritada who, thanks to his grand father, made Yukichi enter in the German's faculty as assistant professor.
"Ah, that little devil of Aritada, he dominates me completely, and I am his 'kerai' or rather his 'yakko'!" Tachikawa said me with a pleased smile.
"Come on, you are all but his servant! And you are happy." I answered.
"Certainly I am happy. He dominates me, but he gives me paradise. At times I ask myself what use to him is an old man, to him so young, handsome, rich, of a famous and ancient family. How could he fall in love with this old libertine? Do you know, dear colleague, that life is really mysterious? I am three times his age, are you aware of that?"
"And you possibly have also three times his experience and wisdom. It is possibly that what the boy admires in you, don't you think?"
"I don't know, I don't know. But each time I see him there, naked, at my side, it seems to me it is a miracle. And I try not to disappoint myself, as sooner or later I will lose him, but meanwhile five years have passed and we are still together. How long will it last? Sooner or later he will have to marry, we both know it. He says he will postpone as much as he can, but he will have to do it, unhappily. How will you two manage? Yukichi too will have to marry, sooner or later, wont he?"
"Yukichi says that he will never marry."
"No, my Aritada desires children, therefore he will marry. Certainly, he also says that after his marriage we will continue to meet like we do now. On the other hand, also now he has to live with his family, even if I would like him to live with me. I am a widow for almost twenty years and my home is so empty... Ah, my dear colleague, you really are lucky with your Yukichi."
"Yes, it is true. I really am lucky. But I owe part of this luck to you too, Tachikawa-san. You favoured us, you made the difficult waiting more easy."
"No, it is a small thing. I really did not do so much. But you too, dear colleague, think not to marry?"
"Certainly not. It seems also that my family resigned to the idea, happily. They stopped proposing me eventual wives and good matches. They must have understood that I have no intentions to give them great children. They say I married my work. Who knows if they can guess that really, if married I am, it is with my Yukichi?"
"Do they know him?"
"Yes, I took him three or four times to spend the holidays at my parents home. I introduced him as one of my students, they didn't ask questions of me nor of him. They know he lives here in my home. Who knows?"
"Possibly, if they stopped looking around for a wife for you, they guessed it. But after all, have they understood it or not, the important is you can live together without problems." Tachikawa concluded.
An answer to their attitude, came to me when my father passed away. For the first time the family was all reunited. My elder brother Heizaemon with his wife and their four children, my brother Zenbei with his wife and their six children, Yasuhide, my youngest brother, with his wife and their three children, and I who wanted at my side Yukichi. Nobody objected to his presence, nor asked me explanations. When we two arrived, Heizaemon ordered to prepare just one room for me and Yukichi. There were two futons, not one, but eventually there was a free room for a "guest" if they considered him so. And at the ceremony, Yukichi was made to sit at my side, like a member of the family.
All that convinced me that my family perfectly understood what was the tie between Yukichi and me, but I received one more confirmation just after the funeral. I was talking with Zenbei in the garden of my parents house, when suddenly my brother asked me, directly: "Your Yukichi seems a good fellow. Are you happy with him?"
I looked at him taken aback, not expecting such an explicit question about my relationship with my lover, and I was searching for the best words for an answer that, even without denying, didn't confirm, when Zenbei, looking straight in my eyes with a light smile, said: "Are you believing we didn't understand? You are the only one of us who didn't marry, and not only does he live with you, but you always are together. Therefore, it is quite evident, isn't it?"
"And are you not judging me for that?" I then asked.
"Me judging you? Of course not. By the way, did you never ask yourself why the attitude that our father assumed blocked all his sons' careers but mine?"
"It is true... I never thought about it... But how does this matter?"
"I could continue my career simply because at that time I was the boy of one of the members of the chiefs of staff of our Army. He obtained me all the advancements."
"But you are married, you have six children."
"Well, I did not dislike at all pleasing that general, not at all, believe me, even if I prefer women. He knew that and accepted that, as long as I remained his boyfriend. By the way, it was him who arranged for me to marry with the daughter of another general, his friend."
"Bit, did you like it?"
"What, being the boy of my general? Yes, certainly, or else I would not have been his lover for so many years. I accepted his court because I deeply admired him and because I liked him, certainly not for the sake of the career. Even if later it has been useful also for it. Just think, I, a young nineteen year old non commissioned officer amongst many, courted by that officer, beautiful and important, who was our commander. In the Army similar cases are not rare, in the best tradition of samurais, between superior officers and young subordinates. I think that only in the monasteries there are more same sex couples than in the Army."
"And now, you too have your young non commissioned officer?" I then asked with curiosity for that part of his life and his personality I never guessed.
"No, as I told you, I prefer women. No I have not a lover, now. But during the periodical training camps my young orderly comes often and readily to relieve my lonely nights. At the camps one can not have women available, so I willingly take advantage of his availability, and I enjoy having him in my futon, but we are not lovers. Ah, you see? I wanted to know everything about your Yukichi and instead we ended with talking about me."
"We are in love with each other. He too does not want to marry."
"I see. Two true men lovers, you two. He seems a good fellow, and really devote to you. Good, I wish you all the happiness."
"The others understood, as you did?" I then asked him.
"We never explicitly talked about it, but I really think they understood. One has to be blind or completely naive not to understand. Moreover, Heizae prepared for you just one room, didn't he? And had Yukichi always sit at your side for all the ceremonies, and that seems to me to have just one possible meaning. Anyway, your choices are only your matter, and the others cannot but respect them. What are you worried about?" he said determinedly.
When I told this conversation to Yukichi he smiled: "Who knows if my parents would react so nicely? I think that sooner or later I should talk about that with them. I would like so much they accepted you as your family accepted me, that is like a family member. But I have no idea if I will be so lucky. My parents are really old fashion. If I accepted to marry, possibly, they would not oppose to our relationship, but as I refuse marrying, I am afraid they will react rather badly."
He told his family about one year later, in the occasion of the umpteenth attempt to get him married. Their reaction was as he foresee -- if he married, they told him, his private life was his business. Not a few married men have a lover, generally a woman, but if he preferred a man, they had nothing to object. But he was unyielding. He did not want to be bound to any woman, and anyway to no one besides me. This marked for years an estrangement from his family. Yukichi was sorry for that, but his choice was done. He continued to send him letters twice each year, without never receiving an answer from his parents that he never again met, until his father fell seriously ill. His father illness was the occasion of their reconciliation. He was still in contact with his brother and his three sisters and when they wrote him about their father illness, he went back to his village to see him. His father did not chase him away as he feared -- the old man did not even hint to him about his choice to live with me, but treated him fairly as if there never were problems. And when he came back to Tokyo, he gave me a present from his mother. Peace was done and Yukichi fully found back his serenity.
The relationship between Yukichi and me continued harmoniously and soundly. The few moments of tension we had, helped us to better know and understand each other and not only we surpassed them but I can almost say that they bound us even more. We had good friends, a good work we both liked, and the faithful Naosuke who served us with devotion and who, even if he was a servant, was more and more like a member of the family. Naosuke, after several years of relationship with Sadao, was again alone as Sadao, now owner of the public bath at the place of his father who retired in their native village, fell in love with one of the boys working for him therefore left Naosuke.
Our good servant suffered for that, even if he tried not to show it. But after about one year, he met an eighteen year old boy.
His name was Nobuo. He was an orphan and worked as a pedlar of roasted red potatoes. The boy regularly passed in front of our house and each time Naosuke went out to buy three of them for us. They started to talk, they became friends. Naosuke started to invite him, in the evening, to go to drink sake with him at the tavern. Until Nobuo, one evening, invited him to his small room, and there, for the first time, they made love. Naosuke at once started to regularly visit the boy's room and they gradually fell in love with each other.
It was at this point that Naosuke, one afternoon, told is about that boy for the first time.
Then he concluded: "You who are learned and know so many things, can help me to understand how it comes that the right people meet in the right moment? If I was not hired by master Fujita, and if Sadao didn't leave me exactly in this period, and if Nobuo was not an orphan and if his uncle didn't make of him a peddler sending him exactly to sell his roasted red potatoes in this street, and if it was not both Naosuke and me to love men, now we could not be in love with each other. Is perhaps all written somewhere? Does the destiny really exist? You who know so many things, what do you think?"
"Have you heard the proverb saying 'when the pupil is ready, the master appears'? It seems a mysterious thing, is not so? But in reality, it is not so. The fact is that thousands of masters passed nearby that pupil before, but as he was not yet ready, he did not even see them, or he did not recognise them as masters, or appreciate them. But when that pupil was ready, he had been able to recognise the right master for him, appreciate him, so he asked him to take him as his pupil. And, amongst the thousand masters who passed near him, he has the impression that that one is the only one right and that he appeared in the right moment. Thousand of 'Nobuo' passed near you, so to speak. But, for instance, as long as you were loved by Sadao, you did not even see them, or you did not even take them in consideration. If you were now still with Sadao, you would have seen in Nobuo nothing more than a likeable boy, handsome, but nothing more. You would not have tried to get to know him, he would not have invited you to go at his room, you would not have told him that you desired him. Just that, my dear Naosuke." Yukichi told him.
"It could be. But then, how came that master Fujita draw the real portrait of master Ida long before meeting him? How can you explain me this?" Nausuke asked, slightly challenging.
"Yes, you are right. This is a mysterious thing. I am not able to answer you on this point." Yukichi said smiling for that objection.
"In my opinion, master Ida was born expressly for Master Fujita, and Nobuo is born expressly for me, or possibly also the opposite way around. If it is to be with me all our lives or just a period, this I can't know, even if Nobuo and I, now, hope it could be forever."
"Don't you miss any more Sadao?" I then asked him.
"No, I now don't miss him any more. I have Nobuo, who is perfect for me." he answered with a happy expression.
At times our friends came to visit us, particularly Tachikawa with his Aritada. We spent pleasurable hours talking of literature, arts, or to play "go" a game that mainly Tachikawa and Yukichi loved. At times I prepared the green tea in our Tea Room and then, when before the arrive of our guests I had to choose the tools, the writing to hang in the tokonoma and the flowers, I liked to discuss each detail with Yukichi. He had a "non orthodox" vision of the Art of Tea, therefore it was really stimulating for me to discuss with him the choices -- at times he convinced me to do small variations to my program, and that made curious our friends, so that gradually, being invited to drink the green powdered tea at out home became a coveted thing.
Yukichi also cared in a particular way my aspect, my clothing -- he wanted that, be I in kimono or in western clothes, I was always elegant, perfect. As I liked his taste, little by little I let him go and trusted him completely. After all in this way, besides being relieved from a problem, made me sure to please Yukichi,
The relationship between Naosuke and Nobuo continued. We too met the boy and he gave us a good impression, so a day Yukichi told me what he was thinking since a while: "Shige, what do you think if we proposed Nobuo to came into our service? We both have a good pay and we could allow one more servant. And we would made Naosuke happy and relieve him a little from all his duties. Don't you think it would be a good thing?"
"Well, why not? Let's talk with Naosuke and if he also agrees, he will propose it to Nobuo." I readily answered.
Naosuke was more than happy for our proposal and never ended to thank us. Nobuo at once accepted to come to work for us, without even asking what his pay would have been. So, he came to work and live in our home. He was a slender but strong boy, shy but ready, intelligent and willing. Naosuke entrusted him the cleaning of the house, the care of the garden and other tasks, and taught him how to carry out them in the best of ways. If our home before was clean, now was shining. Naosuke before was serene, now was happy. But what hit us was that Nobuo, differently from Naosuke, was able to read and write in a fairly good way. Rather amazed, I asked him how it came about.
"When my parents were still alive, they sent me to the temple school. I liked studying. But then, when I was thirteen, they both died and my uncle took care of me. So, he made me stop studying and put me to work."
"How did your parents pass away?"
"They both worked in a cotton factory near Nagoya, we were living there. The factory took fire. Only seven persons had perished, amongst them Dad and Mum. We were four children. Several relatives took us. I was chosen by this uncle in Tokyo. He and his sons sell roasted red potatoes on the streets, so my uncle made a new handcart with the oven for me and I too started doing that work. I was put to sleep with his third son, Naoya, who was then seventeen years old. Naoya, already in one of the first nights, came under my quilt and abused me. My cousin was big and strong and I was also too scared to rebel. So he took me without too many difficulties. After that, each night, I had to go to sleep without wearing my fundoshi, ready to be taken by him, or else he would first beat me and then anyway take me at his pleasure. At first I didn't like it at all, he was hurting me. But then I got used receiving him inside me, and later I even started to feel pleasure, more and more.
"He continued to take me for three years, almost every night, that is until Naoya married and was no more sleeping with me. And anyway I did no more appeal to him as he used me only because he didn't have a girl, but he liked best women. I, instead, understood that I desired to find another man. But I didn't know how to find one. Until I had the chance to meet Naosuke. I liked him very much, I felt at once attracted by him, but I would never had the courage to tell him. We became friends, until one evening he told me that he felt a strong desire for me... So then I readily gave myself to him, and at once I discovered that with him it was a lot better than with Naoya. He didn't want just to give vent to his lust using me, but he really wanted to make love with me. For me it was a completely new experience, so beautiful! So, I fell in love with him and, happily, he too fell in love with me. Then a day he asked me if I wanted to come to serve in your home, here, so we could live together, sleep in the same futon.
"I told him I would have loved that, but that if you discovered us, it would become a problem. He explained me that you master knew everything about us, and that also you love each other so much, and that you wanted us to be free to love each other. It seemed like a dream to me, a wonderful dream. And so now, I will give my life for my masters. And I hope that you will always be happy with me." Nobuo concluded all in one breath. He never did a so long speech, before. He looked at us, becoming silent, and blushed.
"Would you like to resume studying, to read something?" Yukichi then asked him.
"In the spare time, if my masters allow me, I would." Nobuo answered with his eyes shining at the idea.
So Yukichi procured him some books, paper and brushes, and told him that if he met any problem, he could ask for explanation from us. Nobuo was radiant at once applied himself with a will. At times we found his papers with his writing exercises or his notes about what he was studying. At first he was somewhat shy to ask our help, but then, seeing that we willingly helped him, became a little more daring and at times, after asking us if he was not bothering us, asked us his questions. At times they were naive, often rather intelligent and both Yukichi and I were more than happy to help him in his self taught studies.