After the day's work, they were all at the table with Ziu Cosimu and family, and Rosa was making portions.
"You know you can stay here as long as you want,” said Ziu Cosimu. who further stated, “Do not think you are being a nuisance, it is not so, you both work hard, and for Rosa to look after Renzino is not a problem. But I understand you would like to earn some money and as you know I just cannot pay you a salary. I can earn a living, I cannot complain, but I have little to squander. "
"You're doing a lot for us, Ziu Cosimu, and we are grateful. It is surely not for this reason that we made that speech. We hope that the Lord rewards you for what you have done and are doing for us. "
"Don Antonio, God rest his soul, was a good boss, and when I decided to become a shepherd "a solus" it was he who gave me the lambs to begin. The Dore have always been generous and kind to us, and what I am doing is nothing special. But have you already an idea of where to go, what to do? "
"We were thinking of going to Nuoro, or perhaps to Cagliari." Damianu said.
"And what will you do with the child, if you both work? Who will look after him?" asked Rosa talking quietly because the kids had already eaten before and they were all in bed.
"We'll see. Some saint will provide," said Matteo.
"You could leave him here with us." Rosa suggested looking at her father who nodded readily.
"No. Thank you, we do not want to leave Renzino. First he lost his mother, then his father," Matteo said with a sad smile, "He's always been fond of Damianu and now of me: we are all that remains to him. We cannot give him any new pain. We can not leave him."
"What you say does honour to you," replied the shepherd, "but have you thought what life would do to the child in a town? With his problem... the other kids are cruel, sometimes. Here it is different. "
"We have not decided anything, really. We will think also about what you have said, Ziu Cosimu. But Renzino will stand where we stand," Damianu said, politely but firmly.
At that moment they heard a voice calling from outside. Rosa rose from the table with a happy expression on her face and ran to the door.
"It's Tonino Piras, the husband of my daughter Rosa. Let us hope that he did not also lose this job," commented Ziu Cosimu with a worried expression.
Damianu looked out the open door and saw in the darkness of the evening, the silhouette of a tall and robust man and, hanging from his neck, the slender and slim silhouette of Rosa. The man's face was leaning toward the woman and their lips touched.
Then the two, hand in hand, entered. The faces of the couple was happy.
"Good evening to all the company!" greeted the man cheerfully.
"Tonino, how come you're home? The work..." Ziu Cosimu asked looking at him seriously.
"The work is going well. It is hard, heavy, but that's okay. You know that it is not fatigue that scares me," said the man sitting at the table, legs apart, leaning back in his chair, "No, it was not for me to work in the shop, and even to be up there, all alone with the sheep for days and days. Here we are told what's to be done, and there are no capricious customers to satisfy, and we are working closely together and there is respect and support among us. Do not worry, this time I found the work right for me. "
Rosa put in front of him a plate and filled it. The man began to eat.
Then he stopped and looked toward the two boys: "Sorry, I have not even said hello. But I'm a simple man, you know. I've heard... and even if it's late let me offer my condolences."
"Thanks, Tonino Piras. Your wife said that now you are working at the mine... It is a hard work, I guess," said Matteo.
"Yes, but just as I said, that is not what scares me. My arms and legs are good, thank the Lord, and my health is not missing."
"Many men work in your mine?" asked Damianu.
"Exactly fifty-seven workers, but soon there will be others - we have found a new vein. Fifty-seven apart from the chiefs, I mean. We are divided into ten teams."
"And you say you like it..." asked Matteo.
"Yes, I like it. The only problem is the food: we must prepare it ourselves and is not that we are incapable. The food is not lacking, but it is cooked too badly," the man said, smiling at his wife then said, "Here at home is another matter. But what you want, the bosses do not want to bring up girls to cook - you know, with all those men, away from home for too long... If there was a nearby tavern, an inn, a winery, would be better. "
"And how is it that you came home?" asked Ziu Cosimu still slightly suspicious.
"Each team has in turn a few days of rest, and now it was my team's turn. I have only five days, with one to come, one to return, not much remains. It's better than nothing, anyway," explained the man pouring himself some wine.
"A tavern, you were saying? There's none next to the mine?" asked Matteo.
"No. The closest is down the valley, at the village. But it takes too long to go, we do not have time. The boss had thought about using a farmhouse that is at a short walk from our barracks, but he has not yet found a family that wants to come up there to work. "
"How is this farmhouse? Fit to make of it a tavern? And to whom does it belong?" Matteo inquired.
"It belonged to a farmer, but now it is owned by the mine-owner, who bought all the land around there. It is shut, no one lives there. It seems that before the owner built the barracks, the men of the mine were sleeping there," the man explained, "I have not seen it inside but from what older friends say, there is a stable that overlooks the kitchen and two rooms beyond the kitchen."
"Tell me, Tonino, there are really no women around there?" asked Rosa.
"What, would you be jealous? There is not even the shadow, and even if there were, I would not watch, I swear," the man replied, laughing.
"But down in the village..." insisted the young woman.
"It's too far. And there, the men look after their women, and parents the girls. And there nearly everybody goes around with a gun on his shoulder. So even if you do not trust me, even if you do not believe me, you may feel tranquil all the same," replied the man.
"And what do I know. I only know what you say. And you're a handsome man, I would not be surprised if you did some of them sweet eyes," said the wife with a small smile.
Later the two boys went to their room to sleep, and having tucked the blanket over Renzino, they took off their clothes. Wearing only a loose shirt, they lay each in his bed.
"Damianu... you know what I was thinking?"
"No. How can I know?" replied the boy out of the darkness.
"You were always helping Martina to cook, you're good in the kitchen."
"So then?"
"We could go to the mine and open our tavern. We would have fifty-seven regular customers, and if they hire other men, we would have even more. And we're not girls, so the owners would let us stay there. If they let us use the farmhouse, the stable... with a few tables and some benches... we buy a cart and a donkey to get provisions... Renzino would be with us without any problems. Is not it a good idea? "
"And I should fiddle with pans and pots all day long..."
"When I do not have to go for supplies, I'd give you a hand. And Renzino, growing up, could help us."
"But who gives us the money for the tables, benches, the cart, the donkey, the first supplies? And then, also for the pans, dishes, glasses, and everything else?" Damianu objected.
"The tables and benches... we ask the owners of the mine to put them there. And also the first money for the supplies, that maybe later we can return. With my savings, I should be able to buy a used cart and a donkey." Matteo said, more and more convinced of his idea as he spoke, "And then there is also the money of the annuity for Renzino, as little as it could be. We can also use that, as everything we earn is also for him."
"Do you think we could really earn good money?" Damianu asked.
"I think so. I think we could even earn a thousand percent once the tavern works well."
"A thousand percent, you say? But how much money it would take, just to start?" Damianu again objected.
"We can at least go and see, then make a proposal to the owners of the mine. We can go to Lula with Tonino and he can put in a good word for us. What does it cost us to go and try? And if we see that it does not work... we will try something else..." said Matteo. "The world is round, and those who cannot sail, sinks to the bottom."
Damianu at first thought of the thousand groundless projects of Ettore... but he thought that Matteo was different - he had always worked hard on anything he did in the past. Yes, even though he looked like his brother, in that matter Matteo was certainly different from Ettore. And if it worked, it could be better for Renzino to be up there than in the city.
"We can go and see, yes," Damianu then said.
"Good!" Matteo commented satisfied.
The next day, Tonino wanted to climb up to the fold in the mountain, the one under the "tomb of the giant," with the whole family and the Dore. At first Damianu did not want to go, but Renzino did insist so much, and also Matteo and all the others, that finally he yielded. As they approached their goal, Matteo noticed that Damianu was becoming increasingly agitated and frowning. He could not understand the reason for this strange mood - after all they were just taking a day off, to have a picnic.
Rosa had prepared a large basket with food, that she carried balanced on her head, while Ziu Cosimu brought a skin of wine, and Tonino a bigger one with the water. The children were running around, at times preceding at times following them, and fluttered like the spring swallows.
Matteo went on to study the expression of Damianu, wondering what perturbed his companion so much. When they got there, he noticed that Damianu occasionally glanced toward the top, towards the "giant's grave" but then he looked away, almost like a guy who spies the nakedness of a girl but is afraid of being seen, and if on the one hand he can not stop, on the other hand he is ashamed. But Damianu was not ashamed. He made him think more of the look of a thief who fears of being caught red-handed.
So, in a moment when he could be alone with Damianu, he asked him: "What have you? From the time when we decided to come up here you became weird. And now you're even weirder than before."
"Nothing, my own things," Damianu answered, not harshly, but rather with pain.
"The other times we came up here with our family, you were cheerful and happy. Are there memories that afflict you, Damianu?"
"I told you is not nothing!" insisted the boy.
"Between the two of us... is not it better if there are no secrets? If we open our hearts? You have me, and I have nothing but you, and Renzino has only the two of us. Either we remain united, all three, or..."
Damianu lowered his head and finally, his voice low and hesitant, told him about when he was up there, almost to the "giant's grave," along with Ettore, and what had happened between them, how it all began right in that place.
Matteo nodded. Yes, now he understood what his companion was feeling. "But then, this place has only good memories for you."
"That makes me feel even more the lack of Ettore. But it also makes me realize how much I had deluded myself about him."
"Why deluded? He loved you. So much so to not want you to die with him. If he had put you to death with him, it would have been only selfishness, not love. I did not know what he had in mind, I could not imagine, or I would have acted differently, Damianu, I swear. But I know he has thought of you, of your welfare. I've had the evidence... "
"Evidence? What evidence?" asked Damianu looking at him glumly.
Matteo reached into the inside pocket of his short jacket of black cloth, took out a piece of paper and handed it to his friend. Damianu opened the paper and as soon as he recognized the handwriting of Ettore his hands began to tremble. In a low voice, hoarse with emotion, he read the words that Matteo knew almost by heart, because hidden from Damianu he had read and reread them countless times.
""Matteo, for the love of God and our Father, you have to take Damianu and Renzino with you, and take them to Ziu Cosimu's place, before it becomes night and you have to sleep there. It is extremely important! Do not tell anyone of this note. Do not betray me, at least not you. You'll understand the reason by tomorrow morning. I beg you, Matteo, I count on you, do not betray me and do what I ask you! Your brother Ettore."
Damianu squeezed the note in his hand crumpling it. Then, his face dark as the sky announcing the storm, went to the fire that Tonino had lit and threw it inside. He stood there looking at the paper being reduced to ashes. Then he turned to Matteo, with his voice low and weak, he thanked him.
Matteo wondered if he had been right or wrong to give the note to his friend, if to read it had done good or evil to Damianu. He wondered why his friend had thrown it into the fire. He, in the place of Damianu would have preserved it as a relic, and instead his friend had destroyed it forever.
At night, while Renzino was sleeping, in the darkness of their room, Matteo asked: "Why did you burn it?"
"Because Ettore let himself burn. Because he's gone, without me. Yes, in his own way he loved me, I agree with you. In his own way."
"Everybody can not but love in his own way, Damianu," Matteo whispered from the darkness.
"But he who loves shares everything with his lover, everything, not only life but also death."
"No, I disagree - you once told me you'd give your life for him, to give him happiness, to give him life. If you'd be willing to sacrifice yourself for him, why not accept his sacrifice for you?"
"No, Matteo, he has not sacrificed himself for me. He killed himself, and has killed his family because he could not stand the shame of having contributed to the ruin of the family and not being able to pull it out of the problems. He killed himself out of weakness, out of shame, not to feel condemned by his family and... out of cowardice. And has not even had the courage to face me, giving me the opportunity to choose whether to fight against his decision or let me put an end to everything together with him. "
"You are cruel to say this of Ettore, Damianu."
"Yes... yes I know... because he has been cruel to me."
"Can you not forgive him?" asked Matteo.
"Forgive?" Damianu asked surprised. "Forgive... He does not need my forgiveness anymore."
"I do not know, maybe he needs it, maybe not," Matteo commented, "But one thing I know, one thing is for sure, Damianu. To forgive is useful for you, it would do you well. It is you who needs to forgive, not to continue to hurt yourself."
"And if I wanted to hurt me?" the boy asked in a tone of defiance.
"You'd hurt also Renzino, and you'd hurt me too... and you will just repeat the same mistake you're blaming Ettore for."
Damianu did not answer. But he wondered why, remind him of his responsibilities towards the child, a responsibility which he knew to have and that he had accepted, he continued to stand in the way too. What responsibility could he have towards Matteo? From what did his companion draw this belief?
Matteo, huddled under his little blanket, was thinking of Damianu - if before the night of the fire he had got to know him, watching him, desiring him, but in the Dore house his life was not really connected, but rather independent of the other servant, now, spending virtually all their days together, their lives were closely intertwined.
This made him feel on one hand an increasingly strong attraction toward Damianu, and not just physically; but on the other hand he understood he had no hope as long as his companion felt so connected, focused, for good and evil, with his brother, Ettore.
Ettore had, in some way, always interposed between him and Damianu, even if not voluntarily, even if unconsciously, and was still interposing between them. This was a great difference between him and Ettore - the brother was accustomed to take what he wanted, without regard to the consequences. Matteo, although he was a happy and carefree boy, in fact, was accustomed to weigh more carefully the consequences of what he did.
And now, despite the growing attraction he felt towards the boy who was sleeping next to him, separated only by the little Renzo, Matteo knew he had to wait, he had to hold back, he should not let seep out either his wishes or his feelings. But how long should he wait? How long would he be able to wait?
>From the day of the fire Matteo had had no longer any meetings for sex and he began to miss them. Letting off steam alone from time to time, he knew, was only a palliative. And when he did it, before in his fantasies there was only an indistinct image of the male, now there was always and only Damianu. His companion was not the prettiest nor the most sensual compared to the boys with whom he had had sex, and yet no one had ever attracted him so much both physically and as a personality.
Matteo thought that perhaps the idea of moving to Lula, away from Arbatax and from what reminded them of their past life, could also be good for that. Damianu could perhaps become closer to him, creating the conditions between them, or rather in Damianu, for the release of that the freeing spring that would allow them both to take care of each other also in terms of affection, of feelings, of physical union.
Having always been very honest with himself, a condition necessary to be honest with others, Matteo wondered to what extent his desire to tighten his arms around Damianu, to make love with him, came from the "taste of the forbidden" or a real desire to give and receive love. Matteo knew that when a food is forbidden, one pictures it in his mind as more flavourful and delicious than it actually is.
Another thing Matteo understood well - the differences between him and Damianu. He had lived all his sexual relations, until then, only as a series of pleasant meetings. Damianu instead, as far as he knew, had known only one man, only one intense and great love. Damianu had given himself completely and exclusively to Ettore who had been his first and only man.
But this did not scare the handsome boy, rather, he thought, it was time he gave himself totally and exclusively to another... and that this other could be Damianu. It was time he stopped flying from flower to flower to fully dedicate himself to cultivate that one flower that was at once so close at hand yet so unattainable, at least for now.
When Tonino had to return to the mine, the boys entrusted Renzino to Rose, and undertook the journey with her husband up to Lula.
Renzino, before they left, asked them: "But you come back, right? You do not leave me here, right?" and his big eyes expressed an intense prayer.
"Of course we will come back, we two will never ever leave you!" Damianu said, crouching in front of the child, holding him and caressing his too large head with obvious affection. "Matteo and I will not leave you ever, ever, I promise!" he repeated gently.
Matteo felt a sense of pleasure and joy to hear Damianu talk about them, not only for himself, but promising on behalf of them both. He too crouched next to the two and enfolded them in a slight embrace, resting his forehead against that of Renzino, and of Damianu.
"Yes, we three are family, we will never part, Renzino," said Matteo.
"You two will not go up there with Daddy and Mom?" asked the little boy.
"Not by our choice, not of our will," Damianu whispered.
Along the way, Tonino said to them: "You have taken a big responsibility, boys, to provide for that poor child. You have guts, I have to admit."
"When life puts on your shoulders a burden, you can not shrug it off. Especially when that burden is the life of a child that has no longer anyone to really take care for him," Damianu said.
"I think you had a good idea to come and talk to the bosses, especially if you, Damianu, really know what to do in a kitchen." Tonino said changing the subject.
"Do you think the bosses will say yes? Although we have not enough money to begin with?" asked Matteo.
"If they accept the idea, if they think they will earn more money, I'm sure they will also be investing in this. It is certain that we miners would be happy. And if we're happy, we would work with a will more. The owners would only be satisfied. "Tonino answered.
They came within sight of the wound that pierced the mountain and around which were bustling tiny figures in a constant coming and going. Damianu thought of the anthill that he had stopped to observe with Renzino, after the funeral. "Yes," thought the boy, "basically what are we if not ants that toil all day long, while someone is watching us curiously from above? Someone who can crush us as if nothing happened, and forget about us after a few minutes... "
As they approached their destination, on the slopes of Mount Arbu, the dirt road, constantly travelled by wagons pulled by big and strong, slow, docile horses, full of the blocks of lead and zinc mined, instead of being white like all the others became gray from the pieces that fell from the edges and the dust that seeped from the cracks of the bottom, so that it now seemed a dark gray long ribbon.
Crossing the carts that went up empty and came down loaded, Tonino hailed the drivers with a gesture, a greeting or a joke: it seemed he knew everyone and everyone knew him. One of the drivers made stop for a moment the horse.
"Hey, Tonino! You bring up new arms? There is already a line, you know, as soon as the news spread they hired men to work in the bowels! Young and old... there is everything. When there is no bread, one runs wherever there is a chance to take up some work. "
"No, they come up to see if they can eventually open a tavern." Tonino answered, "They are good at cooking and if the owners agree, we can finally eat as Christians! The bosses are up?"
"Ah, good! Yes, the Pisanu are there, Don Bastiano and Don Zua. Don Egidio instead remained down to the village," replied the cart driver.
"Who really makes all the decisions is Don Zua Pisanu, so we're fortunate." Tonino answered cheerfully. "Well, God be with you, Severo!"
"And be with you as well. And if in addition to good food, you also offer good wine and some card decks, we carters surely will become your good customers, boys," said the man and started the horse again.
Once they were not far from the mine, Tonino showed them the farmhouse, then a little further on, the barracks of the workers and of the overseers. Everything was covered with a fine gray powder, which gave a surreal aspect to the scene. In front of the barrack of the overseers there was a long queue of men of all ages, silent and in a line, the first of which was talking with three men sitting behind a table.
"The one sitting to the left is Don Zua, to the right is Don Bastiano, and the one in the centre is the head of the overseers, Ziu Castigu." Tonino said. "You wait for me here, boys, I'm going to talk to Don Zua."
The boys studied the three men, especially that Don Zua from whom it seemed all depended. He was a burly man, wearing black high boots with spurs, black pants, a wide white shirt and a sash of red silk. He wore also a short black vest open in front, all threaded in green like the pants. At the head the usual tall cone of black felt folded on the right of the head.
The man had greying and tightly wavy hair, bushy thick eyebrows, a sharp nose, slightly fleshy lips and a hint of double chin. While Tonino spoke he turned his eyes towards the boys - they were strangely clear, seemed washed out by rain and bleached by the sun, yet they were incredibly piercing.
Don Zua Pisanu rose from his chair almost with an effort, but then moved with steps surprisingly nimble and safe.
"Greetings to you, boys. I am told that you would be willing to open a tavern for our men, there at the farmhouse."
"Yes, Don Zua. Damianu is an expert in the kitchen, he plays around with pots and pans, with spits and flavours since he was a child, and we're both good workers," said Matteo.
"And you would come to live up here alone, the two of you... or would you bring someone else?" asked the man, weighing them with his eyes.
"We would bring also my nephew, the orphaned son of my brother. He is a boy of seven years..." answered Matteo.
"And you two are brothers?" the man asked again.
"No, Damianu is my uncle... even though he is younger than me," Matteo said with a slight smile, "he was adopted by my grandfather."
The man nodded to say he had understood, then asked: "But what family are you from?"
"We are Dore, the Dore of Arbatax." Matteo answered with some pride.
"Ah... I heard of the terrible tragedy. At the time of my grandfather, your family was richer than mine. You are really in a bad condition, if now for a living you need to open a tavern. I'm sorry, boys, you are so poorly reduced. But such is life, the children pay for the mistakes of their fathers. It is not enough to be rich, one must also be able to make their wealth multiply and not squander it all. Your old men had not been able to manage..."
"What's done is done. Will you allow us to open the tavern up here at the mine?" Damianu asked to cut short that speech he did not feel like hearing.
"We can speak of it. Yes, we can speak. Come, then," said the man looking at them gravely, and walked towards the farmhouse.