'AYN
I was the happiest man on earth. I felt that only now could I say I was
starting to truly live. I would have told Amin of these thoughts, but
there were other people near us, so I simply turned to look at him and
at the same moment he also turned toward me and our eyes said in one
single glance all that was in our hearts. We both turned again to look
at the open sea, lost in our sweet thoughts, and yet tightly united even
if our bodies did not touch. Between two lovers always exists a close
communication, even if nobody else notices it. I breathed deeply of that
salty, scented air and I thanked Allah with all my heart for what he had
given to me.
The fact of discovering our reciprocal love and finally being able to
live it caused a big change in our lives and in each of us. I had always
loved and respected Amin, I always had been devoted and faithful to him,
I always had admired him, but now each of these sentiments had bloomed
into something newer, more deep, more strong. Above all, more involving.
In some ways now I was feeling Amin as a part of me, or perhaps I felt
that I was a part of him. Now I was seeing him with new eyes. I could
easily, now, distinguish in him the smallest details, interpret them,
understand them deeply. I could better understand not only what he was
saying but even what he was not saying, what he simply was thinking. I
was truly in consonance with him. And it was beautiful... It was
splendid to be understood, accepted completely, loved.
Rationally Amin remained my Lord and Master, but now in a deeply
different and more beautiful way. Emotionally there was no more a
difference between he and I: we were one. My life had been deeply
transformed by love. I felt different, better, more confident, stronger,
complete.
Amin also had changed: now in his eyes a new light shone and his smile
lightened his face more often. I could feel in him a new determination,
a greater confidence. Towards me he had always been remarkable: from the
very beginning he had dealt with me more as with a friend than as with a
subject or a servant, but now I felt that I had become for him a
precious being. He looked at me with dreamful eyes, almost as if seeing
in me a supernatural, special being.
All those differences, in us and between us, could not pass unperceived
to an acute mind like that of Prince Selim, who on the second day of the
journey questioned us with a sly look on his face:
"That last day on the island - something special must have happened
between you two: you are different..."
"Different, how?" Amin asked, smiling.
Selim looked at us, head cocked to one side, then said: "I do not really
know... I see in your eyes the look that a proud father has when the
longed-for heir is finally born... or perhaps that of a winner after a
particularly difficult game... or that of a groom after the first night
with his bride. You have changed, and very suddenly! Do not try to tell
me that I am mistaken, that nothing is new!"
Amin smiled and looked at me, then said: "We have hidden nothing from
you before, and we will hide nothing from you now. After so many years
of closeness, of being together as brothers, after so many dangers faced
together, after so many dreams cultivated together, we have discovered
that we love each other. I know that some condemn a relationship between
men, and that some accept it in special situations, such as for warrior
companions if there are no women to use, but we are happy to have at
last understood that we love each other and be able to demonstrate that
to each other with our bodies."
Selim knit his brows, seemed to reflect for some moments, then gave a
worried sigh.
"To me too it was always said that love between men is wrong and I
believed that to be true. But now... to see the result in you two, I
would not be so sure! Both you, Amin, and you, Nadim, have become...
luminous. The filthy things such as war make people become brutal - you
instead are become more beautiful... so I must believe that your love is
something beautiful, something at which men should marvel..."
"So, you do not judge us badly?" I asked, astounded and cheered by his
reaction.
Prince Selim, serious, immediately answered: "No, how could I? The
evidence prevents me from doing that! Rather, I hope one day to find
such a love able to transform me... be it with a woman... or a man!"
"Prince Selim, we both wish that you can soon fulfil your hope."
"Thank you. But, tell me, before discovering this love of yours, did you
have prior intercourse with men?"
"No, never with a man, my Prince, and for me, just once with a woman.
Intercourse, not love. This, for both of us, is the time we discovered
what love is and that it can be expressed physically. And it is
marvellous beyond belief."
"I can see that! And in a sense, I envy you. Really."
"Is it so visible?"
"For I, who have begun to know you well, yes. But for others who look
with more superficial eyes, I think it would not be so easy to see it.
Mainly because you both are so manly. I am told that normally, at least
one of the two is rather womanish, like, for instance, the slaves with
whom my uncle take pleasure... Anyway... it would be wise not to show
too openly the love that binds you."
"That will be difficult, because it permeates all our actions. To see my
beloved and be delighted, to look at him and to desire him, to be close
to him and rejoice is the same thing to me," I said.
Amin added:"Now my life is Nadim, all the rest has no more value..."
"You mean you have renounced your plan to re-take your throne?"
"No, Prince Selim, we do not renounce our throne, but if to protect our
love we had to renounce to it, we would renounce it instantly, without
hesitation." Amin answered.
I noticed the plural, so said: "The throne is yours..."
"No, it is ours, because you are me and I am you. It will certainly not
be a throne that separates our union. I want the throne because you too
want it, and when we conquer it back, it will be ours, not mine."
"But the subjects will find it strange to have two shaikhs, do you not
think?" I asked.
Prince Selim retorted: "Subjects! They do not need to know. Nadim can be
made your Grand Visir so he will be always at your side, and can speak
in your name and with your authority. To all the others it is of no
concern what exists between you. When we are in Istanbul I will talk to
my father so that he will give you all the help you need. I am sure he
will do it, he has never denied me anything. But my father, he does not
need to know of the relationship which binds you two..." he suggested.
"Why are you so generous with us, Prince?"
"Ha, I do not know. Probably because you both have been very friendly to
me, a Prince who is normally kept at a distance by all around him, and I
have seen in you rectitude and honesty. Probably also because I like you
two very much, and particularly you, Amin. You attracted me from the
first moment I saw you!"
"But I belong to Nadim, Prince. I can not and will not go with anybody
else." Amin said in a serious tone.
Selim shook his head and smiled: "No, do not worry, I have absolutely no
intention of coming between you. It will certainly not be me who spoils
such a beautiful thing as your relationship. I admire it too much. I
never desired a man, until now. And anyway I am not blind: I know
perfectly well that even if I tried, I would obtain nothing. You are
made for each other, there is no space for anyone else between you two.
But, satisfy my curiosity, Amin: did not you think of the need to have
an heir to the throne, once you get it back?"
"No... not really... I did not think about it."
"And yet it is important. What means it to conquer a throne if after you
are gone it ends in the hands of a stranger? You will have to have
several wives if you want to earn respect, and to have several sons from
amongst whom to choose your heir. Sons are the strength of the wise
man..."
"I will never have sex with a woman, or with a man other than my Nadim!"
Amin declared peremptorily.
His determination gave me pleasure, but I knew that Selim was right, and
I said so to my beloved. He reacted strongly confirming again what he
had said. Then Prince Selim said to him, half seriously and half
humourously:
"Do I have to teach you everything? My great-grandfather, it is told,
had too many wives and he could not manage to satisfy all of them, but
every time he chose one of them, he aroused dangerous jealousy in the
others. Then he conceived a stratagem: since he received his women in
the dark of his room, allegedly to hide a deformity he had, he looked
for a slave having his body build and made him a "broadsword" - that is
he had him gelded but in such a way that he could use his organ normally
but could not fertilize, and had him hiding in his room. After having
sated the woman he desired, he called another, then one more, but he
made the slave take his place in bed! Since the women heard my
great-grandfather's voice inviting them to enter, then farewell them
when leaving for the harem, they never suspected anything, and of course
my ancestor became known as a very virile and inexhaustible man. He
ordered his wives and concubines not to talk during the intercourse. As
for his slave, he told him that if he let leak out the secret, he would
die slowly and in the most horrible torments, but if he carried out his
duty well, he would make him a rich man. It seems that everything worked
smoothly, in fact this story was known only by my grandfather directly
from his father lips when he was a very old man, but at court there
never was any gossip. You, Amin, could use a similar stratagem, with the
difference that you do not geld your slave, and you have to recognize as
yours the children he will make your women procreate. The only problem
is just to find a slave physically like you and really trustworthy. What
do you think of such a solution?"
Amin, amused, listened to the story but at the end said:
"I do not know, we have to think about that. It was a really original
solution for your great- grandfather. But if I do as you suggest, the
throne will go to the hands of a stranger anyway, is it not so?"
"No, because at in all matters he will be your son. It is you who will
rear him, prepare him to rule. A son is not just the product of seed,
but above all what you have shaped, grown, educated. So the throne will
really go to your son."
Amin nodded, still with his amused expression, then asked with a
mischievous expression:
"If we decide to do as you suggest, will you allow us to call the
firstborn with your name?"
"If it pleases you, I would be glad, and when he is born I hope you will
invite me to come to see him," Prince Selim answered.
He stood up and took his leave with an amused chuckle.
The voyage continued, slow but safe. We ran alongside the coast and our
sailors were very good at exploiting the tiniest blow of whatever lazy
wind there was in that period of the year. They were enchanted days.
Whenever we could, we withdrew to our cabins, to exchange the feelings
we with difficulty kept back when we were with others. Our mutual
desire, as the days elapsed, instead of calming down seemed to
strengthen, become more intense, and so it was a relief to be able to
give ourselves to each other.
We were growing both in love and in knowing our bodies, and each time we
discovered new ways to unite, new possibilities to give pleasure to the
other. The memory of those days is very sweet, and not because what we
are living now is less beautiful than then, notwithstanding our advanced
age. But then we had the joy of discovery, the enthusiasm of youth, as
today we have the wisdom of experience, the maturity of sentiment. Still
today, each time Amin offers himself to me or I ask him to take me, I
feel again the same emotion I felt in those happy far away days. And
from then to now, thanks to Allah, happiness untroubled reigns in our
hearts notwithstanding the usual adversities of life and the worries of
ruling our kingdom.
At last we reached Istanbul, welcomed by salvoes from the port cannons,
as soon as they recognized from afar the imperial standards floating
above our ship. When we landed, Mansur was there with the Honour Guard
waiting for us. Mansur invited us to be guests in his house, but Selim
wanted us to be his guest in the Palace. We happily followed him. He
assigned us some rooms and we were settling down and preparing for a
good bath, when a servant came to take our measurements: Selim had
decided to present us with some new clothing, fit for court life and to
the rank he discovered us to be. That same evening the servants were
back with our new clothes: they were really beautiful and precious,
worthy of a prince of the blood more than of the dispossessed son of a
provincial shaikh and of his future visir.
The day after Selim invited us for lunch in his quarters and said us
that he had asked for an audience with his father to tell him about Amin
and to ask his protection. At sunset he came to visit us in the guests
quarters and said that the Sultan would be waiting for us the following
day for a private audience.
Amin asked him: "How did he seem after our story? Did you feel he was
well inclined toward us?"
"Yes. He said he wants to meet you, to know you better. Apart from your
love for each other, I told him everything about you in detail, just as
you told me. He wants to meet the son of the slaughtered shaikh and the
son of the donkey breeder who served him for so many years with such
devotion and fidelity. I presume he will ask Amin what he needs. It will
be opportune if only Amin speaks. At least in front of my father you
have to maintain your official rank. Anyway I will be there near you,
with my father."
The day after, four yanicheri came to escort us to the Sultan's
presence. When we arrived in the room where he was waiting for us, Selim
was at his side. We prostrated ourselves as the ceremonial required, but
Selim came to us making us stand, and showed us two cushions placed in
front of his father's divan. I sat a little further back than Amin, but
he, to my surprise, addressing the sovereign, said:
"Forgive me, Sublime Majesty, but this man had been for years my
faithful companion. I know that the etiquette demands he be sitting
farther than me from your seat, but as he has shared with me dangers,
cold, hunger, blows, misery and exile, I beg you that he be allowed to
now share with me also honours, as I think it is right."
Selim seemed astounded and I was horrified! However, Amin seemed
perfectly at ease. The Sultan smiled, then simply said:
"Granted. It is my will that your man may always be seated at your side,
as a peer, and from now on he will have right to all honors that go with
your rank. My son Selim has told me about you, Amin ibn Hassam. A really
interesting story. I never took much interest in provincial problems, as
long as there are no disorders and taxes are regularly collected and
sent here. But now I cannot ignore the abuse of power of which you were
victim. If you asked me to send my army to give you back your skaikhdom,
I would need to consult my councillors. But according to what my son
told me, you do not ask for that. Tell me, therefore, your requests: I
am listening."
"Sublime Lord, my intentions are the following, if you would accord me
your permission: to go back to my land in disguise, to meet my people,
to see if they are faithful to me and if they will follow me in this
enterprise to take back what my birth and my right grants to me. If this
is so, I will need weapons, probably rifles, to allow my people to fight
at my side. And if, as I hope, Allah and victory choose my side, I would
have your benevolent authority so that my family can again reign on my
ancestors land. Anything you decide, Sublime Door, I will remain your
faithful subject."
"So, if I have understood you correctly, you are asking to leave my army
while you explore the situation, then that I should give you the needed
weapons to arm your people, and at the end if successful confirm you in
your place?"
"Yes, my Lord."
"These seem to me quite reasonable requests. How many men do you think
to arm?"
"I do not yet know, a hundred, a thousand, perhaps no one..."
"How much time you think you will need to find out?"
"If everything works smoothly, not more than one year, I think."
"Good. I will give you a mark. An identical one I will send to the
commander of my fortress nearest to your land. When you feel ready, you
will make yourself known to him using the mark as identification, and
you can ask him for all the weapons you need. More, I will issue a Breve
in which I invest you with all the territory you conquer. This Breve
will became public when you judge it timely. But now... do you have any
idea how you will disguise yourselves to move unobserved amongst your
people?"
"Yes, Sublime Majesty. I discussed that point with Nadim: we will
disguise as beggars."
"Are not you two too fleshy to be real beggars?"
"We will fast, not wash, we will wear rags..."
"And how do you think to be recognized after so many years by your
people, when everybody thinks you dead?"
"Thanks to the black clover; everybody knows it is my mark."
The Sultan wanted to know what that was and Amin explained to him. Then
he asked to see it. Amin opened his clothes and showed to the Sultan
that peculiar and unmistakable sign.
"But if Mussa's men see that mark, your life would be in serious
danger," Selim then noted.
"It is a risk we have to take. But I am not afraid: if it is the will of
Allah that I have back what belongs to me, He will protect me. If not...
I think that there is no more beautiful death than to die trying to make
up for a wrong that has been done."
"Perhaps there is something else I can do to help you. You will have on
you always another Breve, where I will declare my personal enemy whoever
does ill to the man with the black clover. But you have to use it only
if you are discovered and about to be killed. Do you swear?" the Sultan
said.
"I solemnly swear in front of Allah and all here present: may I fall
forever into the hell of the infidels if I commit perjury."
"If there comes a day you are guilty of perjury, before Allah's
punishment, be sure, you will not be safe from my punishment! Remember:
as much I can be generous, so much I can be ruthless."
Selim intervened: "There is no danger you could be disappointed in them,
father. I know them enough."
"Good. Selim will take care of all the details, as he asked me if he
can. May Allah assist and protect you. I hope to hear soon good news
about your enterprise."
Dismissed, we prostrated ourselves then went out accompanied by Prince
Selim. In the following days he carried out all that the Sultan had
decided and when everything was ready, asked us:
"Do you want to leave immediately?"
"Yes, immediately, Prince Selim, if you so please."
"I will be sorry to lose your company, but I understand. I asked my
father to allow me to come with you but, as I guessed he would, for the
first time he forbade me something. If you can, inform me how your
matters are proceeding. You know that here, in me, you will always have
a true friend. Good luck, therefore. I will keep your clothes and your
belongings, awaiting the day I can send them all to you or, better,
bring them all to you personally. I hope that day will be soon.
Farewell, my friends."
The last night we slept in the Palace, we received a last, delicate
present from Selim. He sent a group of musicians to the room alongside
our bedroom, so that they could enhance with sweet music our moments of
love. It was really beautiful. First we lit all the lamps. Then, as the
background of sensual harmonies started, I approached my beloved and
started removing from him all his precious clothes, one after the other,
revealing at last his body to my gaze. His eyes were shining with desire
and pleasure whilst he let me have my way.
I started to delicately lick his chest as I knew he liked and enjoyed
feeling him quiver with growing intensity. Music added a special
fascination to our love rites. His hands went up to free my body and
while he was undressing me he caressed me with knowing gestures full of
the sweetest love, so that soon I felt the approach of the storms of
passion. When I too was naked, we embraced and kissed, and Amin,
impatient, pushed me toward the bed. His body, so beautiful, in these
moments always seems to me a marvel, because I know that he is ready to
give me the most intense pleasure one can experience in life. We fell on
the bed tightly embraced, our bodies impatient to give to the other the
maximum joy. Music resounded in our hearts, overwhelming that of the
musicians in the nearby room. Our mouths approached with sweet hunger
the other's manhood, now fully turgid, tracing a path of ardent kisses,
until we united in a perfect circle of love, forgetful of everyone and
everything.
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