Chapter 9

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

He gives me a hard look. He still has me up against my neck. The threatening way he holds me makes me think that Constantine might just snap my neck right here and right now. There is emotion in his eyes. It's true emotion. I've seen Constantine like this before when I first met him and his lover was still alive. Since his lover's suicide Constantine had closed himself off until now. There is real emotion here now.

He drops me.

"You've been lying to me the entire time."

He goes to sit on the bed. I can tell this is hitting him hard. I get up off the bed and take some distance away from Constantine. It's the middle of the night. The moonlight pierces into the room past the shadowed curtains of Constantine's canopy bed.

I make my way to the other side of the room and grab on my neck. It hurts from how Constantine held me.

"Are you going to tell anyone?" I ask him again.

He doesn't look my way. His elbows are planted on his knees. His forehead rests on his palm as though he's trying to pick something out of his mind.

"Maybe I should..." He states.

He's thinking back and forth. He's unsure. I look on the night area. There is a rope that ties the curtains back on his bed. While he's pondering this I take the rope. I wrap it around my wrists. I give it a hard pull. It's tight. Hard enough to not break under pressure.

"I'm the same Hush you've always known," I tell him.

"The same Hush, the same HUSH?" he asks.

He turns towards me. That's when I see how red his eyes are. My hands are behind my back. The rope is there. Our eyes connect and for some reason, I feel...weak. It would have been difficult to strangle him with this rope but I was prepared to do it if necessary. At least I thought I was. However, now that I look in his eyes I'm hesitating. I'm unaware of why this look is so different from the millions of other looks I've gotten before.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask him.

"I don't even know you. Justinian and Basil are dead because of you," he explains, "Tell me who you are."

"No."

He gets up off the bed in an aggressive way. I think he is going to attempt to choke me again but he stops halfway and just wrinkles up his face in an ugly way. No matter how ugly he tries to make his face Constantine can't be ugly.

"Did you ever need my help?" he asks me, "To survive here."

I nod, "I did. I still do."

"You're lying," he tells me before shaking his head, "But you know the scariest part of it all? Is looking at you now I can't tell you are lying. You are so convincing in your lie. It's almost like you've convinced yourself that you are someone that you aren't."

"I'm telling you the truth," I state.

Of course, I was lying to him. I don't know why I keep up the lie. I am sure right now he doesn't believe me. The way he looks at me though makes me think he wants to believe me. His face softens just a little bit even though his guard is still very high. He muscles aren't as tense as though ready for a fight. Maybe he is remembering the poor innocent boy that walked through here needing his help so desperately.

"Who are you?" he asks me.

"Hush."

"Who are you really?"

"No one."

"Why are you here?"

"I was taken into slavery like you. Like everyone," I explain to him.

He's getting in his emotions. I can tell. After the revelation about Basil he probably thinks that I'm a spy. He seems more irritated the more the questioning goes on. He realizes he isn't getting anywhere. My face doesn't budge. I keep the same expression. Big, brown eyes with no hidden agendas or no silent treatment.

"You've been playing me this whole time," he comes to a revelation out loud to himself more than to me.

He turns. He goes to sit back on the bed. He's emotional. Seeing him like this makes me feel...sad to say the least. I drop the rope.

I walk up to him. I slide onto his lap. I straddle him. At first, he tries to push me away but I cling to his muscular torso with every ounce of strength I have. Constantine is strong, though. He's much stronger than me. He could break me in half if he wanted to. So I know that he really doesn't want me to get off of him. So he just lets me cling to him even though he pretends to push me off. His mock outrage even fades after a while. Soon he just lets me hold him as he stares at me still trying to see what is behind this mask.

"I'm not playing you," I state.

"Yes, you are."

I kiss him.

"Is this playing you?"

"Yes."

I kiss him again. This time longer. This time I kiss him deeper. This time I place my hands on his chest and feel his heartbeat. He moves his face away. I trail him kissing the side of his face until I get to the ends of his lips. He attempts to move his face again but I keep kissing. I keep kissing and tugging and kissing until finally, he grabs me, tosses me to the ground and body slams me on the wood panels.

I think he is going to pound my head right now but he doesn't.

"You're playing me..." he whispers.

All the anger comes out of him but not in the way that I expect. He starts kissing me aggressively. I kiss back thinking that this will make up for his suspicions. I'm wrong. His kisses are angry. He bites on my lip until I bleed.

"Ah..."

I attempt to move my face away this time but he grabs my chin and keeps it still. He sucks hard on my lips. He sucks on it as hard as he can. Then he holds onto the back of my neck to keep me still. He begins to kiss aggressively. Our mouths clash together.

He begins to rip my clothing off of my shredding it with nothing but pure strength. I am weak and defenseless underneath him as he seems to try to regain control over me and this situation. It's control he is trying to show. Control is different from strength or even from dominance. He wants to control me like he did Justinian so many times.

I let him.

I lay naked underneath him and curl up in a ball, looking up at him as though begging him not to hurt me.

"I cared about you...deeply..."

It's strange that it takes a situation like this to get him to admit it. He doesn't say it in a loving way, though. He says it as though he regrets it. Within a matter of seconds, he roars like a lion and then grabs me up removing the guards of my hands.

He lifts my legs up over his shoulders. He spits on his hands. He doesn't wait when he enters me. He just goes inside of me. It's too hard. It's too rough.

"You're hurting me!" I tell him.

He goes harder. His raw dick doesn't inch into me. He delivers a full angry blow to the bowels of my anus. I feel it burn a little bit. There is nothing to grab to comfort me. All I can do is bite my already bleeding lip further.

I repeat it again and again, "You're hurting me. Slow down."

"No I'm not. STOP PRETENDING!"

He starts choking me as he fucks me. Maybe he is thinking about how angry he is about Justinian when he does it. Maybe he's thinking about just how much I've lied to him. I can't tell at that moment what is motivating the further choking. I squirm underneath him but don't fight to remove his clutch in my throat. In a strange way, it distracts from his huge dick entering me relentlessly. He is poised to make me pay for what I did to Justinian.

The thrusts get angrier and he nuts in me after several moments but keeps on going. It's not until I bite his arm that he stops.

I push him out of me, literally using my ass muscles to force his dick out of me. The hard dick is now lubricated with his cum so it slides out. Constantine seems to come back from his madness just slightly, though. I slide away from him at that moment and lay on his bed. I curl up in a fetal position wondering if he is going to tell me that I have to leave.

He just looks down at me.

I can feel his eyes burning into me.

He is whispering in the darkness, "You pretended to care about me."

At this moment I'm angry. I can't even pretend like I'm not. He was way too rough with me. He treated me worse than one of his patrons who had fetishes for hardcore.

"Stop the self-pity," I tell him in the darkness, "You were using me too."

"I never used you."

"Really? You didn't want to get back at Alexios?" I ask him, "Don't pretend like you didn't. I'm not sure what Alexios did to you...but you wanted to get back at him. I know you did. You were using me to do it. You were using Justinian to do it. So since you wanted to share secrets let me know what Alexios did to you that made you want to take him off his high horse?"

He stares at me. He must realize that he hasn't been so upfront. I half expect him to kick me out of his room but for some reason he doesn't. Instead, he lays on the bed, turns away from me so we are back to back. I think he is going to fall asleep but he just starts talking facing away from me.

"The sultan was married before his wife now. The sultan was cruel to his wife when she was pregnant. See the sultan has certain fetishes."

"What kind of fetishes?"

"Cruel and unusual. The sultan is...he's a cruel man, Hush. If you think Daai is bad..."

"I've heard," I respond.

The sickness of the sultan had spread through every land. Constantine doesn't seem surprised to know that I've heard of just how cruel and unusual this sultan was.

"Necrophilia, Coprophilia, masochism, and pedophilia were some of his favorites," he explains, "He had a thing for attempting to penetrate pregnant women past their bearing. The trauma to the past Queen Mother was too great She had a miscarriage and she died with the baby. Her last words were a curse. A boy with hazel eyes would undo him."

"Hazel eyes..."

"Like most of us in the Harem. That's why he keeps us around. Keep your enemies close. If it was up to the sultan he'd conquer the world and kidnap every boy with hazel eyes."

He just might. I wouldn't put it past him. I'd heard stories of this sultan.

"He believed that madness."

"The sultan has always struggled with reality at times. Yes. He believed it. With him, others believed it as well. It became the sultan's madness..."

This sounds more like a bedtime story to scare children than reality. I press my head hard up against the bed realizing that I wanted to sleep.

"What does this have to do with Alexios?"

"Alexios was jealous of my lover Julius. The sultan was getting too close. So Alexios convinced the sultan that Julius was the boy his wife cursed him. When I heard what Alexios had done I had no choice but to try and escape with Julius."

I knew how that story ended. Julius and Constantine were caught. They were brought back. Julius killed himself. He must have known what fate was awaiting him when he came back. Maybe that is why Constantine never showed true sadness about Julius killing himself. Maybe Constantine knew that death would have been better than what the sultan had in store.

"I'm sorry Constantine."

"Alexios was a friend. Then he did what he did," Constantine explains, "You know what I learned from that situation?"

"What?"

"Trust is hard to give but easy to take."

~

I wake up early in the am. I turn over. I'm still in Constantine's bed. He's sleeping. He's underneath me. Somehow his body has just so happened to move over close to mine. I climb out of the bed and walk out of the room after making sure that Constantine was asleep.

I head down into the gardens. The air is warm and humid. Through the garden, there is a statue of a swan in the upper right quadrant of the courtyard. Actual swans swim silently nearby acting as a distraction. I slide the statue in the middle of the night and reveal a door. I unlatch the door and that is how I see the hole. It's an actual hole that leads to a tunnel. A tunnel leads to another part of the Topkapi palace. The part of the area that Loras is sleeping in.

Loras isn't alone in his bed.

I light a candle and slap on the bed.

"Get her out."

The woman is naked when she awakes. She screams a little bit in shock that someone is in her room but Loras quickly cuffs her mouth.

"Go wait for me in the common room," he tells the girl, "Don't tell a soul."

The girl looks at Loras. She looks at me. I can tell she respects him. He is the Vizier of the Sultan after all. I have no doubt that beyond these doors there are leagues of guards making sure the Vizier is safe. The look on her face seems to question how it was I was able to get past those guards and come to his room in the middle of the night.

When she leaves I can't help but admire her small frame and her pretty face.

"She looks expensive," I tell him.

"You shouldn't be here," he tells me.

"Neither should she," I respond.

Loras notices my stare. I'm still staring at the door where she left. I can still smell her perfume. It is sweet like fruit and sugar. Loras smells like her too. I can tell because he wraps the sheets around his torso. He must be naked under there. He approaches me though and turns my head so that I can face him. It's almost morning. I know that much. I don't have much time here.

"Are you angry with me?" he asks me.

I turn towards him. Loras looks me up and down. His face gets even with mine. In the next minute, he kisses me on my lips.

"You can do whatever you like," I explain to him.

"Did you miss me?" He asks, "Come... I have more than enough for you."

He moves the sheet, dropping it to the ground. He doesn't have the body of Constantine or Basil or even Polo for that matter. He's still attractive in a way that a confident man can be the most attractive man in the room if he really believes he is. If he was just a boy in the Harem he wouldn't last a day. But he isn't a boy in a Harem. Loras was one of the most powerful men in the empire.

His dick is curved to the right. It is fully hard and ready for me.

I shake my head.

"I've can't."

"We have time before sunrise."

I shake my head.

"I physically can't," I tell him, "I have to heal."

This was due to Constantine. I can still feel him inside of me. He's stretched out my walls and I think I'm bleeding down there but I'm scared to check. So instead of checking or doing anything close to that I just stand there and cross my arms.

"Then why did you come visit?" he asks me.

"There's a problem," I tell him.

"Problem? Do you mean last night?" he asks me, "Everything went as planned. Better than planned."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dhaamir is gone. Prince Daai and Prince Dhaakir have agreed to call a truce because of their mother's grief. They will meet in the Harem and throw a party to reunite. And you want to know the best news? The sultan will join them on their reunion in the harem."

"The sultan?"

"You can finally kill him," Loras states.

I sigh, "It's not a good time."

"It's the only time," Loras states, "What are you talking about? This is the plan. This is what we were working towards all this time."

"Loras...someone knows. Or someone at least suspects me."

"Someone?"

"The slave. Constantine."

"How does he know?" he asks me.

"He's in love with me, I think," I tell him, "It's caused him to pay extra attention to me. I should have noticed earlier. I was sloppy."

Loras laughs as though this is the funniest thing ever. He must have full control of several of the nearby apartments because he laughs fruitfully and loudly as though he doesn't have a care in the world of anyone hearing him having a secret meeting before sunrise.

"He loves you? That's classic," Loras states, "Here. I have something that will do the trick, my love."

Loras walks over to the dresser. He opens it and takes out a vial. It has a red liquid in it. He hands the vial to me. I stare at it.

"What is it?"

"Snake venom. I know how you love your poisons."

"For the sultan?"

"Yes. But it is enough to kill two people. Get rid of Constantine before the sultan arrives."

"Constantine isn't a threat. Can't you just have him removed from the Harem? Shipped somewhere? France? Italy? Africa? He won't be a threat," I state.

I attempt to hand him back the vial.

Instead of taking it he moves his hands to clasp my fingers around the vial.

"I could have him sent away. If he were any other slave. He's not. Both the princes favor him."

Loras eyes me. He wants to see how I will react. He wants to know where my loyalty lies. Maybe a part of me did want to make Loras jealous especially after seeing the girl in his bed. I could have broken the news about Constantine less harshly. I could have eased him into it. Now he was jealous, though. I can see it written all over his face. Loras wanted Constantine dead badly. He doesn't admit it. He's never been good at that. I knew Loras though. I knew what he got underneath his skin.

"They'll know someone killed him," I state, "The sultan won't come to the Harem if too many people are killed."

"There is a plague going around. I've started the rumors personally. The symptoms of the plague are very similar to the poison. If Constantine were to suddenly fall ill...

He'd thought of everything.

"Loras..."

"Do you love me...?" he asks me.

"Of course," I respond.

"Then I'll see you when I come to the Harem to remove Constantine's dead body in two days."

~

Two days have passed faster than I care to admit. I lock myself away but I can't stay gone forever. When I come to out I see that the eunuchs have come in with their food and wine. I know what this mean. There were festivities happening.

"What did I miss?" I ask Polo.

Polo is standing next to a column. I can see him eyeing some fruit on the table wondering if it was worth it or not to steal from the platter while the eunuchs had their eyes turned. The eunuchs were quick though and he'd probably be caught and whipped for it. That doesn't stop him from standing on that column silently plotting, though.

"You haven't heard?" he asks me.

I shrug, "Heard what?"

"My god, Hush. Sometimes I think you live in your own bubble and don't know what is going on," Polo explains to me, "We are having visitors for the first time in quite some time."

"Will the princes be in attendance?"

"They might. Who knows," he tells me, "Why were you excited to get fucked by royalty tonight?"

I laugh at the idea of it. I have healed up luckily from Constantine. The moment I think about Constantine I see him walk into the room. He is shirtless as usual and this time has rather short underwear that wraps around his ass cheeks showing off his defined legs. As he walks, he goes right past me as though I don't even exist.

He sits alone away from the other boys who are already starting to trickle out. It isn't lost to everyone. Polo stares at me, then stares at Constantine then stares at me again.

"What's going on with you two?" Polo asks.

I look at Constantine. I wonder if he's told anyone about who I am. Right now he is looking at me from the corner of his eye.

I turn away from Constantine, "We're fine."

"You sure? I mean you two always act strange around one another but today is different."

Polo's right. He asks a lot of questions. He inserts himself into my life a little more than I think is comfortable but in this situation, he is completely right. Constantine is acting weird now that he suspects me. My only concern is whether or not I should listen to Loras and take his life with the poison or not.

I change the subject, "We haven't had visitors for a while Polo. We should prepare."

Preparation takes my mind off of Constantine. I help Polo. I feel like it's avoidable. I know I shouldn't be helping him. That is not what I'm here to do but at the same time, Constantine's suspicions make it clear that I need to go back to pretending to be this sweet innocent naive person. I know caring for Polo would be naive. Dragging him behind me is something Hush would do.

So I help him.

"It's starting," Polo states, "The visitors are coming."

"I'm almost done."

I'll finish Polo's face before I begin my own. It was important to look nice tonight. It was important that I'm not the only one as well. I wanted attention but I didn't want all the attention. It was important I kept low key enough that I'm not singled out. So helping Polo becomes important.

He stares at the cosmetics I'm using, "What is this? Where'd you get it?"

"From the storage closet."

"I haven't seen these things."

"You just didn't notice. Ancient Egyptians applied galena mesdemet. It's made of copper and lead ore. It will help smooth your face and cover your scar. I also used some burnt almonds, oxidized copper, different-colored coppers ores, lead, ash, and ochre. Just enough to adorn the eyes in an almond shape. Now. Done."

"Can I see?"

I hand him a mirror. He stares at it. He can hardly recognize his reflection. I can tell that he's shocked.

"The scar is gone," he states."

"Apply the galena mesdemet every time you have to meet a patron. They'll never notice your scar, not even if they touch it."

He stops staring at his reflection and starts staring at me instead.

"How'd you learn to do this?" he asks.

His stare is visibly concerned and almost suspicious.

"Basil taught me," I state.

It's a lie of course but it seems to be enough for him at this point.

"Basil was a master of manipulation," he explains to me.

I smile.

"Go get dressed. I'll get ready and meet you in a minute."

We wear lion cloths. I found them in some of the gifts that Basil left behind after he died. One of his many patrons decided to gift it to him. I cut up the lion clothes and wrap them around our waist, covering just enough to leave something to the imagination.

Polo is nervous, "We're late."

He doesn't know much. He seems so unaware and I can tell he isn't faking it.

"No Polo. We are just on time."

We walk out into the room to music and festivities. The revelries have already begun. I can tell when I see Farin being used as a plate. His entire body is laid out on a table. The visitors are eating pastries from his naked body. He stays completely still as though he doesn't want to move.

When we walk into the room it's clear that attention comes off of the other boys. Boys usually kept clean. That was what was usually popular. We were adorned with cosmetics. We almost look like twins when we walk in the room.

"Everyone's staring," Polo states.

He's right. Alexios and Mendeecees are feeding wine to some of the visitors. Whoever the visitors are must definitely be high profile. I can tell. At first, I'm not sure. The men don't look familiar but then I see exactly who Alexios is feeding.

It's Loras!

Alexios sits on the Vizier's lap. He dips fruit into the wine and sloppily dribbles it into the Vizier's mouth. The Vizier has brought some associates with him. They are rich men that usually don't frequent the Harem unless they had official business.

"The Vizier," Polo states.

He is excited. For the first time, Polo is getting attention. The room turns over to us in a way that I'm sure he isn't used to. The Vizier stops eating and is staring. In the corner of my eye though I can see Constantine. He's dancing. He's completely naked dancing on someone who is slathering oil all over his muscles. Sure enough, that man is the only one who could care less about Polo and I walking in the room. He can't take his eyes off of Constantine and right now for some reason...neither can I.

"Go ahead," I tell Polo.

"You aren't coming?" I ask.

"No. I'll have a drink first."

I let Polo go to the Vizier's area. Almost immediately he is getting attention from the boys. I let him take that attention. I find myself drinking and staring at Constantine who is now standing on a table. He dances in circles swinging his dick from left to right.

I sit on the couch away from the others. Constantine hasn't spoken to me all day. His eyes find me every once in a while but it isn't the usual look. He is concerned about me. He doesn't feel the same.

At first, I think between Polo, Alexios, Farin and Constantine no one will notice I'm missing.

I'm wrong.

Alexios walks up to me.

"They want you," Alexios states.

Loras. He wanted Constantine dead. That was the only reason that he was here. When he calls me over I notice he is trying not to pay attention to me. I notice Constantine as well dancing ahead of everyone else.

"You're a shy one," one of the men with Loras states. The patron has a full beard. He looks wealthy. Mendeecees is sitting on his lap now feeding him instead of the Vizier. Mendeecees takes a piece of cake off of Farin's body and gives it to the Patron. You would think with all this attention he wouldn't need anymore.

He's greedy, though. He's staring at me.

"Not as shy as you think," Constantine responds.

Constantine's comment is obvious. Alexios snickers because of it. A few others seem intrigued but luckily Polo is there.

"He's beautiful. Don't you think Vizier?" one of the Patrons states about me.

"I prefer this one," Loras states, pulling Polo close to him.

Polo smiles. No one of high priority has done that to him since we've been in the Harem.

"I like the innocent ones," the Patron with the full beard states pushing Mendeecees off of him. He slaps his thigh, pulls his dick to adjust his hard on before holding his hand out to me, "Come...sit..."

Loras stops the Patron, "Use this muscular one instead, Osman. Leave him be. Shy boys are only good for fetching wine."

I wonder if Loras is jealous. I'm not sure. Loras pulls at Constantine and instructs Constantine to give this his associate a lapdance. Then he looks at me and points to the wine.

At first, I think it's jealousy but then he winks and I know it's something else.

Now.

He wanted Constantine dead now.

I go grab the wine from the eunuch's table. They don't pay attention while I pour the wine into goblets for our guests. I arrange the goblets and take the vial out.

I turn back to Constantine.

My heart gets heavy.

I take the vial out. I pour it into a cup. I pour enough of the snake poison to kill a man. I return the vial. I take my time to return back to them. I hand out the cups to everyone around, including the boys in the Harem.

I hand Constantine his cup.

"Let's toast. To the future," Loras states.

I watch as they all drink the wine at that moment. The revelry continues right after.

I feel sick to my stomach. All this regret flows through me. I am wondering if I made the right decision as soon as everyone drinks the wine. I find myself rushing off into the backroom. Loras is staring at me the whole time wondering why I'm reacting like this.

I get to the back and I'm crying uncontrollably.

I can't stop.

"What's wrong?" a voice says.

I turn to see Constantine.

"Why are you here?" I ask him.

"You're upset," he states.

Constantine gets close. Too close. He puts his hand on my shoulder. He pulls me in. He can tell that I'm in my emotions. He is gentle now when he wipes my eyes. We are alone. It's one of those rare moments in the Harem when you are.

"Constantine. You hate me. You haven't been acting the same all day."

"You think I haven't been acting the same because I hate you?"

"Isn't that the case?"

He shakes his head, "I feel guilty about what happened with Justinian...but at the same time I can't break my fall."

"Your fall?"

"Yes. I'm falling for you..."

I stop. My heart skips a beat. I never expected Constantine to say this.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry..."

"I'm not who you think I am."

"I know that."

"You don't understand. The Vizier wants you dead, Constantine. He asked me to poison your drink tonight."

Constantine stops talking. He grasps onto his chest with fear at that moment.

"Oh, my god! You didn't Hush? Did you! You poisoned me..."

Constantine looks at me as though he doesn't recognize me anymore. We are interrupted at that moment. It's Polo.

"Polo I need a moment with Constantine," I state.

"Something's happening."

Constantine stares at Polo hard, "What?"

"The Vizier...he's turning colors. His skin is blue, then purple. He's throwing up. The others think he might have the plague."

Polo runs back towards where the Vizier is. He expects us to follow him. We don't. Constantine stares over at me instead.

"You didn't poison me."

I shake my head.

I shake my head, "I made a choice. I chose to kill the Vizier instead."