I met Giacomo again. He was happy. Mainly because he had met Lorenzo. When Lorenzo knew about the "accident" that happened to me, he understood that he had to start to court "me" again (that is Giacomo, whom everybody, also Lorenzo, believed to be me). Lorenzo had no intention at all to renounce me. Therefore, he started again to court "me", that is Giacomo.
Giacomo was now aware of the sexual pleasure, thanks to the real assault of Timoteo. And when the inn keeper's son could withdraw with him, Giacomo satisfied him. Of course, now that he was married, Timoteo did not feel so anxious to do it with a boy, but his lust remained and at times surfaced again. And Giacomo, in my role, was more than willing to please him.
Lorenzo has always been a very gentle man, also in his sentiments. He courted Giacomo, possibly with more determination than he used with me, but with the same tenderness. For some aspects, Lorenzo and you are alike. Besides you are the same age.
Well, little by little Giacomo, even if more naive than me, became aware that Lorenzo was courting him. And he liked Lorenzo, both physically and for his personality. Possibly right because of his candour, Giacomo felt in Lorenzo what I wasn't able to clearly perceive in him -- love. And that, fascinated him.
We all need to give and to receive love. Also Giacomo, like everybody. Possibly also because he was living his relation with Timoteo with a physical pleasure, but not completely to his satisfaction. Well... Timoteo has always been gentle, but also sometimes rude, and Giacomo was not used to rudeness. Timoteo is the kind of man who takes what he likes, and who holds it tightly.
So, a day after work, Lorenzo said to Giacomo: "I know that you don't remember all about our old friendship..."
"Anyway, I feel for you as a friend... even if I have to discover that again..."
"Yes, but our friendship was deeper than you could think... more intimate..."
"It could became again so, don't you think?"
"I hope so... I..."
"Lorenzo, I feel so good near you... I like when you wait for me at night along the road, and you walk a stretch of the way with me, like now."
"Yes, you see... it was a night like this. Here there is the path leading to Saint Mary the Magdalene chapel... you took me there... months ago..."
"Why don't you take me there, now?"
"Would you like to come?"
"With you... for sure..."
Lorenzo guided him to the low wall around the chapel: "We sat here, like now we are..."
"I like here, it is so quiet."
"I spread my overcoat on the grass, then... we lay on it... You and me... Just six months ago..."
"We can do it..." Giacomo said, starting to guess what the young man meant.
"Really?"
"Sure."
They lay down. Giacomo, on his back, was looking Lorenzo, who was sitting near him, leaning on him with his eyes.
"And then? What happened?" Giacomo encouraged him with a sweet smile.
"May I... may I kiss you?" Lorenzo asked with a stirred voice.
"Yes, please..."
They kissed, Lorenzo lay on top of Giacomo, embraced him and both at once clearly felt the other's erection. For a while they remained so, intertwined, still, silent.
Then Lorenzo stared to caress Giacomo's body. More and more intimate and pleasurable caresses. Giacomo was vibrating like a leave under the Spring wind. Lorenzo became more daring and started to open Giacomo's clothes, and as he unveiled his body, he kissed, licked, caressed it. For Giacomo this was something absolutely new, splendid. He started in his turn to undress Lorenzo. When they had completely freed each other from their clothes, Giacomo, who was feeling the burning desire of his companion, on instinct, right how I did six months before, turned his body offering himself to the young man.
Lorenzo gently made him turn back: "You don't remember, right? We did it in another way, you and I..."
"Teach me again, please..." Giacomo told him, quivering for the excitation and gentleness at once that sallied forth from the young man.
Lorenzo tenderly guided him, and finally started to enter into him. Giacomo welcomed him with sheer happiness. It was so different than with Timoteo, and so beautiful! "This," he thought, "is really making Love!"
Giacomo felt the man penetrating in him little by little, with tender gentleness, while they continued to caress and to kiss each other. When Lorenzo was completely inside him, started to move in him with measured passion. "What a difference with Timoteo!" Giacomo thought and felt completely conquered. More and more excited, they continued to unite for a long while, with growing passion.
And at a certain point Giacomo enraptured murmured: "I love you!"
Yes, Giacomo said to him those three magic, little words that probably Lorenzo hoped in vain to hear from me... Those words sprout out from Giacomo's heart and as soon as he uttered them, he became aware that it was true, and he felt overjoyed. Also to Lorenzo, certainly, these three words were like a balm.
Later, while they were lying embraced, Giacomo said to Lorenzo: "It is really so, do you know?"
"I too love you, Giorgio... I too love you... I never told you before, because I was waiting for you to tell me. You could have lost your memory, but... Do you know that you made me happy? That I now feel the happiest man in the world?"
They talked for a long while, and for sure they said each other a thousand beautiful things. Until they had to part. Each of them went back to his home. But Giacomo was filled with joy and felt so heavy having had to part from the man he was now calling inside his heart "my man".
Certainly, at a certain point he did think about Timoteo and at once felt that he could any more do it with him. Now he belonged, soul and body, to Lorenzo -- he could not be with any other man. I can understand perfectly this feeling, as it is absolutely what I felt when I become aware I was in love with you, my Gualtiero.
For some days there was no problem at all. Giacomo and Lorenzo continued to meet, every evening, and to exchange their love with words, glances, and with all their bodies. Certainly it was more and more hard for them to part, having to wait for the following day to have ease to share those moments of sweet intimacy. But they were happy.
Then, a day, the desire for Giacomo burst again in Timoteo, so he took him on the depot with one of the usual pretexts. As soon as they were alone, Timoteo, straight out as his usual, took Giacomo in his arms and started to undress him.
"No, please... I don't feel like..." Giacomo said, withdrawing.
"Don't be silly! What's suddenly up?"
"I can't have sex with you any more, Timoteo."
"Now that! And why?"
"I fell in love..."
"A girl? Who's she?"
"No, with a man..."
Timoteo bust in laughter: "Come on, idiot, you can't fall in love with a man! With a man you just fuck, and that's all. You can fuck with whomever you want, if just you let me fuck you. Lower your breeches, hurry up!"
"No..."
"Nooo? I'll make you see if it's a yes or a no!" Timoteo told him. That young man is strong like a bull, so soon he got the better of the poor Giacomo.
"Leave me or I'll scream!" Giacomo said, as a last resource.
"Just try, and I'll kill you! Careful, I'm not joking!"
I don't believe he would really have done it, but Giacomo believed him. So, he let Timoteo lower his breeches, turn him around, and take him again. And he silently cried. Giacomo told me that Timoteo took him with even more pleasure than usual, probably excited by the fact that he bent him to his yen.
At first Giacomo thought to tell that to Lorenzo, but then he was afraid that his man could became too mad and that he did something insane to protect him. Timoteo is decidedly stronger than Lorenzo and in case of a physical clash, almost certainly, Lorenzo would have been the loser...
So, for a while, Giacomo said nothing. He consoled himself with the love, the tenderness, the affection that Lorenzo was giving him. And when Timoteo asked him to go with him, he followed the young man resigned and let him have his way. But inside himself, Giacomo felt bad -- he was and wanted to be only Lorenzo's boy!
One evening, after they made love, Lorenzo told him: "It's so heavy for me having to meet you so, in secret, at night... for a short time... and then having to part..."
"For me too... I would like to be able to be always with you..."
"Here at the village, it's impossible. We would be caught, reported... You know that the law forbids two males having sex. Moreover, you are not yet of age. I'll end in jail forever."
"But it is not right!"
"But if... if you and I went to live elsewhere... We could say we are two brothers, and nobody would think strange if we lived together... Wouldn't it be wonderful?"
This, for Lorenzo, was like a dream, and not a real proposal, but Giacomo started to seriously consider that possibility. Yes, it could be the solution of all his problems. Timoteo would not be able to demand him any more, and they would live together, in the same house...
When on that Spring I went back to the castle, Giacomo told me everything and also about his project. I was happy for him that he met Lorenzo, and that they fell in love with each other. I had a very good memory of Lorenzo, and even if I was not in love with him, I liked him very much, had for him esteem and admiration. He was completely different from Timoteo.
So, I told him that he was right, I encouraged him. I just asked him to do so that I could know where they would go, so that I could contact him if I needed. He promised me.
"In the worst of the cases, I can leave you a message here in the fowler hut, I'll hide it here under, see? But I don't know if really Lorenzo will be ready to leave everything to take me away from the village... I hope he will..."
On my side, I told him all the news about my life at the Court.
As I was remaining at the castle for a bit longer, I asked him to talk with Lorenzo that same evening and to make me know what he answered.
Now do you understand why I insisted to go alone at the fowler hut? I couldn't risk you overhearing us, you for sure would have asked me who was the other... But happily all went smoothly.
Giacomo faced the subject with Lorenzo that same evening: "When you told me it would be wonderful if we could go to live elsewhere, together, were you serious?"
"Sure."
"Do you have an idea where? How? Would your family let you go?"
"They can't stop me, I'm of age. Sure, it will be taking a chance... But we can think about it seriously, if you want. As I would be very glad if I could live with you, you know it..."
"Then, please... let's start at once to try. I want to go away from here, I want to live with you, I want to be only yours. But hurry up, please..."
"Sure, Love... I'll start to think about it seriously, then." Lorenzo answered, feeling how sorrowfully Giacomo was asking him to do it.
Even if Lorenzo really looked for a solution, it required a good while. His parents didn't object when he told them that he was planning to go to the town and to find some job there. They wanted him to go to some relatives' place, but Lorenzo insisted he wanted to get off by himself...
I, with you, went back to the Capital. I was recalling Giacomo and Lorenzo and thought it had to be beautiful being in love. The light I saw in Giacomo's eyes gave me matter to reflect. Yes, certainly, making love is beautiful, but making it with the man you love, had to be particularly beautiful, judging from the expression of Giacomo.
We went back to the Palace, to the usual life. For sure I preferred my periods at the castle, where I could feel a little freer, nearer to nature. Do you remember that I told you so? It was then, I think, that something, surely even if imperceptibly, changed between us.
"Your Highness is not really happy, am I right?" you asked me.
"Not completely, it is true... I feel like as if I am missing something."
"Yes, I can feel it, and I am really sorry for you."
"Above all, I do not have a friend... a real friend, to whom I can say everything about me, my most hidden secrets... the most little things... being certain he could understand me. You are the nearest to a friend I have here, but you see, we didn't choose each other, we just met here by chance... you because you received an order, and I... and then, you talk to me in such a formal way..."
"The etiquette demands that. Yes, it is true, I am here because they ordered me, because they chose me, other people, not you. But I am so glad to be at your side. Now that I know you, I would... choose you!"
"Do you mean as a friend?"
"Yes."
"Also if instead of being the Prince, I was a wretched ragamuffin?"
"If I met you and came to know you, even as a ragamuffin I would have willingly offered you my friendship." you said.
I felt you were sincere. And I remember very well that, right then, I asked to myself: "What would you prefer Gualtiero to be for you? A friend or a lover? And I remember that I answered myself: "Both of them -- it would be wonderful"!
"A friend, as I intend, is someone with whom there are no secrets. You know so little about me, and I about you." I said, thinking to the fact that I was not the real prince and also at the fact that I wanted you.
You smiled (ah, your smile!) and said: "These are things that have to be built little by little -- it is a goal, not a starting point..." It was a clear invitation to start... You could for sure not push yourself farther -- I still was your prince, and you my orderly. The formal "Your Highness" that you normally used was the more than evident symbol of our relationship.
"Something... is so very difficult to say it. And other things, even dangerous," I told you thinking of my two biggest secrets.
"About the difficult things, are to be said in the right moment... abut the dangerous ones, when we are fully aware that putting ourselves in the other's hands does in reality not put us at risk... that is when one knows the other sufficiently well..."
"Therefore, little by little, one can... unveil himself to the other. But a starting point is needed... where is it?"
I really wanted to start with you. I was more and more attracted by you. But my two secrets were too big...
I decided to do a first, little step: "I fell really so good with you..."
"I am very pleased. And I too feel so, with you..."
"I like you." I said.
"I like you too, and very much..." you said and blushed.
To me that was like a signal -- you would not have blushed if you simply meant that you just had a liking for me, I thought.
"Also for your aspect... on the evenings, when you undress behind the screen, I like spying on you... I would like the screen not to be there..."
You didn't answer. I asked myself if I didn't take a false step, telling you so. But you did the second step.
"I too look at you, and with pleasure, when you change. And at times I envy the valet who helps you to take your bath..."
"You envy him? You really do?" I asked slightly amazed but pleased for what your words implied. You again blushed, but less than the first time. Then you simply nodded in assent.
"Why?" I softly asked you.
"Because... you are so beautiful!" you murmured.
It was like a game, where we were little by little uncovering ourselves one in front of the other, still ready to strategically retreats, but compromising ourselves a little more at each move.
"You too are so beautiful..." I said.
We didn't do more steps in that occasion. But it was just a matter of a few hours. In fact that same evening, when you undressed to go to bed, for the first time you did it without going behind the screen. When, naked, you turned towards me to see if I was looking at you, I felt terribly upset. You undressed for me... I wanted to call you, but I could not find the courage. You slipped on you the long night shirt, gave me the good night, snuffed the lamp and slipped in your bed.
I was aroused -- the image of your naked body still lingered in my eyes. You really were wonderful. Many times I wanted to call you, to ask you to come to me, but I didn't dare. Possibly because you, contrary to the others, were already so important to me? Because from you I did not want even if I still did not understand it clearly, just your body?
The following night all went on exactly in the same way. But when you were naked and took in your hands your night shirt, this time I was able to ask you something. Do you remember?
Yes, right that: "Why do you wear that shirt?"
And you asked me, with a provocative smile: "And why did you wear yours?"
"Right... come and pull it off of me, then..." I said sitting up and leaving my bed.
And you came. And you pulled off my night shirt. And you lightly caressed my side. I was feeling like dying with the emotion. Then I noticed your beautiful erection, When I looked again in your eyes, you smiled to me. Without saying a single word. I felt your hand gliding lightly on my skin, slowly aiming there... I could feel it approaching its goal, it was matter of a few moments, but they seemed eternal to me.
Then the incredible shock of the contact, even if light, of your hand on my turgidity.
"Why are you trembling?" you gently asked me.
"Because I desire you..." I answered like in a trance.
"I am here... for you..."
"For me?"
"Yes, sure... for you..."
We didn't say any more words, we didn't need them. Our bodies talked for us in a fascinating and passionate dialogue. Yes, certainly, that first long night was splendid, but I can not say it was the best... We had many other after, as beautiful and even better than our first time, isn't it so?
No, I have to confess you, it was not at once. I was enraptured, but I was not yet aware that I was in love with you, that what I was feeling was love. Well, even if I am now somewhat ashamed to admit it, at first I just thought I found a new lover, another man, one more, even if the best of all. In fact I didn't stop at once with Manfredo and Ermanno. Even if, you should believe me, I was feeling stronger and stronger the difference with those relations. I was becoming aware, little by little, that you were giving me much more than the others -- not just your body, I mean.
Well, you didn't know, at that time, about the other two men. No, two is right, as now Fabiano was just washing me, nothing more. We did nothing else there in my bathroom, as I told you.
Anyway, the fact that you now were spending all your nights in my bed, and that we made love with so much passion, reduced my encounters with the other two men. Yes, you were giving me much more than any other, and not just on a physical level, that by the way was also splendid with you. That is splendid, with you.
But the fact that I could finally make love with you, after so a long time I desired it, and in all safety, had on me another effect -- a growing desire to be able to tell you really everything about me. Especially when I became aware, little by little, that I was falling in love with you, and that you were giving to me "something more", -- your love.
I wanted to be loved as Giorgio, and not as Giacomo. So, it was then that I started to desire to take back my place, to go back at the village. But, would you follow me being me a simple country boy? Would you have renounced to your prestigious role at Court, to your comfortable life, to everything? I was thinking again about Lorenzo and Giacomo... would Giacomo accept to take back his place in the Court?
And, how to tell you I was not the prince? Would you have believed me, first of all, would you have loved me all the same, would you have accepted me? Sure, I know that you said me that even if I was a ragamuffin... But at times open says things just theoretically, possibly also believing them while saying them, but then, in the real situation...
On the other hand I was feeling more and more ill at ease in my role of a prince. I wanted to be back my real self. But if so I lost you? I understood the answer one afternoon, almost suddenly -- sure, more than everything, you were important to me, but "that" you who really loved me, and that therefore would have accepted my real "me".
To tell it with your words, I understood that I had to risk and to put myself completely in your hands. If you were what I thought, I was running no risk at all, if you weren't... that was the best way to understand it.
Certainly it was not a step I did carelessly. Anyway, you became aware that I was passing a difficult moment. You became more tender, more sweet, more careful if possible... And that made me decide to take that last step.
I decided I would have to do it at the castle, there at two steps from my little village. I felt safer, more in my element, in there.
But first I told Manfredo and Ermanno that our meetings, who were already less and less frequent, would have to cease completely. I already told you about their reaction. On my side, that step made me feel more light, free, happy -- I was now really yours, only yours. Now I could understand what Giacomo told me about belonging only to his Lorenzo, even if the situation was different.
We went to the castle. As soon as I could, I went to the fowler hut -- there was a message from Giacomo. They were living in the town, together, for about one month, and gave me a way to track him. As he didn't yet know where they would have lived, what they would have done, he would have attended each Sunday morning at ten the mass in the Cathedral, and he would sit on the last pew on the right entering. For any problem, I could meet him there or ask someone to give him a message there.
So then, Giacomo's message in my pocket, I summoned you.
I had a short moment of panic, but then I started: "Gualtiero, I have to tell you a tale..."
"Yes? What is it about?"
"It is the tale of a prince... in a small kingdom in the mountains... This prince was not happy being a prince. He felt like a prisoner, at Court. He was dreaming to flee away... But he knew that he would never been allowed that. But dreams, as you well know, are hard to die. So on an Autumn day..."
I told you the story of my encounter with Giacomo, of the swapping of roles, of my falling in love... Without saying names, but, as the story developed, it was clear that you understood ... You were listening without interrupting me, and I was grateful to you for that. You were listening without getting upset, and also of that I was grateful to you.
"... so now, the fake prince, would like to go back to his previous life, but he doesn't want to lose his beloved one. So, what should he do, in your opinion?" I concluded looking in your eyes.
Your smile comforted me a while -- it had cost me dearly telling you everything, even if through that transparent tale.
"An interesting story... so unbelievable that it could even be true... If I was that knight of your tale, I would say to my beloved one that I am ready to do whatever he asks me..."
"Whatever? Even to go with him to live like two common villagers?"
"Sure, also... I am really in love with this young man who is now here in front of me, any attire he would wear, any name could he have, anybody could he be... What is your real name, anyway?"
"Giorgio..."
"A nice name... You would like me to tell you how to come out of this? Because you now want to come out of this, is it not so?"
"If it is with you, yes."
"You are right. How can we come out? First of all it is to be seen if Prince Giacomo is willing to come back to the Court, or else... If he doesn't want, you understand, you can nothing but to resign yourself... Yes, it is true, you could tell to the Court all you told me, but... but would they believe you? Or would they rather think that you are ill, that you became mad?"
"But you believed me, at once..."
"Because I love you and, even if I didn't know all this, I know you... No, they would not believe you. Therefore, as a first thing, we have to know if the prince is ready to resume his place."
I handed you his message and you read it.
"Well, Sunday morning I will go to meet him. You cannot go with me, you understand that. And anyway, nobody should see you two together. I will go to the Cathedral. I will talk with him. And we will see... If he agrees to come back to the Court, we will plan how and where and when to make again the exchange. Anyway it will bring some problems for him. If not... I will remain near you in this golden cage. You will one day become the King... But I, as long as you want me at your side, I will never abandon you, this is sure."
In that moment I felt I madly loved you. Because I understood that if you had been able to accept all without showing any amazement, confusion, disbelief, what allowed you to accept all that was just out of the force of your love for me.
And when, short while later, while making love, for the first time you called me Giorgio, I felt to be in my seventh heaven.
Sunday came and you, wearing civilian clothes, went with your horse to the town to meet Giacomo. To me, those were hours of anxious waiting. I was trying to guess what Giacomo could tell you, and what you to him... What could be his answer. The fact that you were late, made me fear that you had met difficulties, if not just a flat refusal from Giacomo.
It is not that I didn't have confidence in yours persuasion skills -- I just knew that Giacomo loved his new life more than I liked mine, and I was afraid he didn't want to listen to reason...
Finally I saw you coming back. I looked at your horse entering the castle yard, I saw you entering the door, and I ran to meet you, filled with fear. The expression of your face gave me back some hope. Then, your account -- how you recognized Giacomo and introduced yourself to him, and told him my message. How he said that he could even go back to the Court, if this was my desire, but that he was now bound to Lorenzo and that, therefore, he had first to ask to his man what he wanted him to do. In fact, if Giacomo went back to the Court, for him and Lorenzo the freedom to live together would have to end. Lorenzo didn't accept the story with the same simplicity you accepted it, is it not so? But at the end he too surrendered.
Certainly, for Lorenzo it had been a hard stroke, coming to know the truth. He lived all that time with the Crown Prince! But, above all, he was now risking the loss of the boy he loved. Yes, you are really right -- Lorenzo was heroic in his love!
We decided when and where to make the exchange. At the fowler hut, right. You would remain at the prince's side for a while, to help him to again insert himself in his life. He suddenly recovered his memory, yes, it was the most simple thing to say... It was heavy for me to part from you, even if just for a few months, but I owed that to Giacomo. Lorenzo wanted to come to the hut for the exchange. Then, I went back with Lorenzo to the town, waiting for you. Then we would decide together where to go, what to do...
When we were all in the hut, just you outside to be on watch for safety, to me it was a moving moment -- to see again Lorenzo, to swap my clothes with those of Giacomo, to bid you farewell, to take the forest lane with Lorenzo while you and Giacomo were going back to the castle...
Lorenzo and I were both immersed in painful thoughts, so all along the road we didn't talk. I was asking myself how long would I have to wait for you... we said at least one month... how long would have been that month? But certainly for Lorenzo it was much harder. The scene of their farewell had been harrowing, for the dignity and simplicity it happened. If I felt so badly for the parting of one month or little more, how could Giacomo and Lorenzo feel? You could, spend that period to help Giacomo, to resign and come to me -- there was no difficulty. But it was not at all such a simple thing for Lorenzo to meet his Giacomo again. It could even be almost impossible. Even if Giacomo went often to the castle, they could possibly have some fleeting encounters at the fowler hut, but certainly staggered by long separations...
I became aware that I asked very much of Giacomo, for the sake of my own happiness. And that I had been lucky that Lorenzo was willing to grant to my wish.