Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2003 14:48:36 -0800 (PST)
From: carson carruthers <carsoncarruthers@yahoo.com>
Subject: Toby -- boy of the 30's

Toby -- a boy of the 30's
By Carson Carruthers

Life was not much fun for me in my younger years. I don't remember much
about what was going on except that it was what people have called a hard
life. When I think back upon it, I see everything in shades of sepia. You
know, like those art films or old faded photographs. Things were a
red-brown color that reflected from the red clay fields of the upper part
of South Carolina. I am sure that in the 1930's everyone was having a hard
time. After all, they called it "The Great Depression". I just guess that I
had more to depress me than some folks. The earliest thing I remember was
living out on a red dirt road on a red dirt farm just on the edge of
town. Most of the land was stripped away leaving one deep gully after
another. I was a small boy, so I feared dropping into one of the gullies
and never being able to get out.

My mother was a sickly woman. She spent most of her time in bed under
quilts that always smelled horrid. I hated to have to kiss her good night
because of the horrible smell of her breath and the bedding. I loved her,
but really hated the way she smelled. As I grew older I was given more and
more chores to do since she could not do even for herself. My father, I
found out early on, was worthless when it came to doing around a house or a
sick person. He spent his days in town doing whatever he could find to do
to make a living for the three of us. That was not much of a living
although at the time I had nothing to compare it to other than other poor
neighbors and relatives. Everyone was in the same boat. We were all poor.

There were some things that we had that other folk thought were
luxuries. My father had a car. He said that in his business a car was
necessary. I did not understand until later that if you were hauling
moonshine then a car was a necessary part of your life. When he was home,
he always got up and took me to school and then picked me up
afterwards. There were no school buses. I had to walk on the days when he
was not there to take me. It was over a mile. Most children did walk to
school. Because he needed me to be at home with my mother and to take care
of the house, I had the luxury of a ride to and from school. There was one
other luxury we had at home. It was a beautiful Philco radio and
electricity so we could play it. The radio was as tall as I was and had a
light behind the yellow dial. We had an outside toilet. I had to boil the
clothes in an iron wash pot. I swept and mopped the cracked linoleum rugs
in the kitchen and dining room. There were cracks between the two wide
boards that served as a front door that I had to stuff with pages from the
Sears and Roebuck catalog in the winter time. My overhauls were
hand-me-downs from my cousins. All those things were not important when I
could sit for a few minutes in the afternoon and listen to "Pepper Young's
Family" and "Stella Dallas" with my mother. At nights we listened to Bob
Hope and Jack Benny, and I liked the mystery stories - "The Shadow", and
"Lights Out". Boris Karloff would make my skin crawl with his voice. I
listened to the Lux Radio Theater and Mercury Theater On the Air because
they put on dramas. I did not especially like the stories and some of them
I really did not understand since I was only seven or eight, but I knew
that I wanted to live like those people did. I wanted to dance and drink
cocktails and listen to big bands and wear a tuxedo. I might not have had
anything to cook that night but fatback and gravy for our dinner, but we
could escape it all through the magic of that wonderful radio. After my
mother would doze off, I would lie on my cot and listen to the big bands in
New York or Philadelphia and dream.

I knew that other boys my age were not cooking and doing all the chores
that I did. It did not bother me, because I knew that if my mother ever got
well I would not have to do them either. We usually had plenty to eat. My
mother's sister and her mother, Mrs. Rose, sent meals once or twice a
week. There were relatives who were always bringing by pies or cakes that
they had cooked. One of my mother's cousins brought eggs each week. Another
cousin would leave a gallon of buttermilk and one of sweet milk and a pound
of butter on the side of the road for my father to pick up every
Thursday. I learned to make biscuits. I could fry meat and boil
vegetables. Most of the money my father made went to buy the medicine and
pay the doctor who came to see my mother. There were no frills. I wore
clothes handed down from my cousin Jerry who was two years older than I
was. He was growing and getting pretty big so the clothes were usually
pretty loose fitting on me. Mostly, I got faded overhauls. They may have
had tears in them but Aunt Elizabeth mended them before she brought them to
me. I wore those most of the time with no underwear. I only had two pair of
underwear that fit me. I had a couple of pair of home made drawers which
were pretty loose since they were ones that Jerry had outgrown.

If it was summer time, I just went naked under the overhauls. My little
peepee would get hard and rub on the soft material when I would walk. Once
when I was climbing the chinaberry tree in the back yard, I stretched out
on it. My peepee was hard and I rubbed it up and down through the cloth on
the limb. It felt really good as I humped the limb. I spent a lot of time
in that chinaberry tree the summer before I turned nine.

My birthday was in September. It seemed that everything in my life that was
really important happened right around my birthday. I don't think it was
because I was egotistical but that is the way things just seemed to
happen. It was the week after my ninth birthday that my mother died. I woke
up and felt like something was wrong. My daddy was asleep on the couch in
the living room. Since Mama had been sick so much, he had been sleeping in
there so she could get some rest. It was not even daylight. I turned on the
lamp on the dining room table and went in to wake him up. I had to get
ready to go to school. I would have to fix breakfast first. We had an oil
range, and I needed him to fill the tank for me. We got oil in a
twenty-gallon can that had a spout on it. When it was full, it was too
heavy for me to lift and pour into the tank on the stove. I shook him on
the shoulder, and he moaned. He was groggy. "What's the matter?" he asked
me.

"I need oil in the stove tank and the can's 'most full so's I can't lift
it."

"Give me a minute. Is yor Mama 'wake, yit?"

"I don't think so. I ain't heard her."

My daddy got up from the couch, throwing the quilt off him. He was a good
looking man. Tall and thin. He had black wavy hair that he wore comb
straight back with a part in the middle. He was only twenty-seven years
old. He was a young man, but I thought to myself how old he looked that
morning. I could see his long cock and his low hanging balls lying between
his legs on the couch as he got his drawers from the floor to put back
on. He stood up and pulled them up to his waist. He was circumcised, but it
looked like there was a lot of loose skin on his cock. He stretched and
grabbed his pants and shoes. He was putting them on as I slipped out the
back door to go take my morning piss. He was coming out the door when I
started back toward the house. I had not gone to the privy but just to the
edge of the yard. He met me and told me to wait for him on the doorsteps. I
ran through my mind trying to remember if I had done something wrong. I
could not think of anything. After he had relieved himself at the edge of
the yard, he came back and sat on the step beside me. He put his arm around
my shoulder. That was the first and only time that I ever remember him
touching me.

"Your Mama's dead, son."

I looked at him sort of not believing him but knowing that he was telling
the truth. There were tears in his eyes. I did not cry. She had told me
that when it happened she was ready for it and was going to heaven. I knew
that she was better off. This past summer she had suffered a lot. The pain
medicine had stopped working. She would try to be happy when Daddy came
home, but I watched her as she got worse and cried in the afternoons
because the pain was so bad that she could not stand it.

"She's better off. At leas' she won't be'n no pain no more," I said as I
laid my hand on his leg and looked up into his eyes. He took a handkerchief
out and blew his nose.

"Well, I guess I better go get Mrs. Rose. She'll know what to do." He got
up and went around the house. "You can wait out here if you want to but
people ought to be coming soon." He got in the car and headed for town. I
was left there with no breakfast and my mother dead in the house. I thought
about it, and decided that I wanted breakfast. I went inside and made a
purpose of not going into her room, but I went ahead and cooked me a couple
of slices of fat back, made some milk gravy and a pan of biscuits. I
thought about my Mama lying there dead. I did not cry. I knew people cried
when people died, but I did not feel like crying. I was angry that God took
her. That was what I was thinking when Daddy came back in with
Mrs. Rose. It was not long after that and the house was full of people and
the morticians came and took her body.

Mrs. Rose, who was my mother's mother, came and took charge of
everything. She would ask me where things were, but when I started trying
to do things she made me sit down. Neighbor women came in with food. The
next day they brought the casket and the flowers to the house. Relatives
and neighbors came and went. Someone was there all the time. Daddy mostly
sat on the front porch with the men. Mrs. Rose and Aunt Elizabeth and most
of the women were in the kitchen. Mama was in the casket and I sat on the
couch all afternoon. It was just like we spent most afternoons except we
did not listen to the soap operas. The funeral was the next day. I kissed
my mother good bye. It was a cold, waxy kiss, and one that I would remember
the rest of my life. They had the funeral at the ARP church where Mrs. Rose
went since my folks and I did not go to church. There were lots of
flowers. The hardest part was knowing that I would never see my Mama
again. I tried hard to remember what she looked like, so that I would not
forget her.

Another thing happened that was important in my life right then. After the
funeral, I went home with Aunt Elizabeth. First, we went by our house, and
I took off my new suit that Daddy had bought me for the funeral. I hung it
up in the closet along with the new shirt, tie and shoes. We all got
something to eat, and Daddy insisted that Aunt Elizabeth take a lot of the
food home with her. Since he was the only one with a car, he took Aunt
Elizabeth and Uncle Walter and their children and me over to their farm. I
was going to spend the night there. Jerry and the rest of the children had
to go to school the next day, but I did not have to go back until the
following Monday. My father left and told me that he would be back the next
day to pick me up. He said he thought that I would not be so sad and miss
my mother as much if I did not have to stay at the house by myself while he
did a lot of running around. I had never stayed away from home. I had never
had anyone spend the night with me. Other than my father I had never seen
another man or boy naked. After the children had finished their chores,
they got ready to go to bed. I was to sleep with Jerry since he and I were
the closest in age. He was eleven going on twelve and I had just turned
nine. The next closest was a boy who was fifteen. There were girls of all
ages it seemed.

We washed up in a tin pan in the kitchen. I cleaned my privates. Jerry was
watching me. Then he did the same. He said he wanted to make sure that his
poop chute was clean as he was washing out his ass. We both laughed about
what he had said. I thought that I would have to remember to call it a
"poop chute". That was funny. That was when I saw his peepee. It was about
five times as big around as mine but it did not appear to be any
longer. But his was fatter than mine. The other thing was that his peepee
was hard. I could tell. I did not have any hair. That was the other thing
that I noticed. He had a wisp of hair above his peepee. After he washed his
groin, he took his peepee between his finger and thumb and started jerking
it up and down. I watched wide eyed as he did that and then he shook it
right at me. I broke up laughing.

"Hurry up and wash. We gotta get'n the bed," Jerry told me.

I turned away from him as I washed my groin and pulled up my new
drawers. They were boxers. I had wanted briefs but they were more expensive
so I took the white cotton drawers. I dried my peepee off and between my
legs. I could feel Jerry trying to see, but I made sure that I was all
buttoned up before I turned back around. "I'm ready," I told him,
indicating that I was ready for bed.

"You look like you're ready," Jerry said, grabbing for my peepee, which had
gotten hard and was now pushing out my drawers.

Aunt Elizabeth called to us from the front room, "You, boys, get through
bathing and get'n the bed right now."

"Yes'm," Jerry and I both said in unison.

I followed Jerry upstairs to the room he shared with Drayton, the fifteen
year old brother. Drayton was already in bed, and he was snoring really
loudly.

"Damned, Drayton, turn over! You sound like a freight train comin' through
har." Jerry pushed Drayton so that he would turn over on his side. When
Drayton turned over on his back his peepee flopped out of his drawers.

I pointed at it and snickered. I was fascinated. It must have been twice as
big as Jerry's fat dick and looked like a long hose flopping there in the
air.

"Yeah. Old Drayton ain't got much sense, but he shores has a hel'va peter
on 'im," Jerry whispered to me as we climbed into his bed.

I stretched out for the first time since early in the morning. Realizing
how tired I really was, I thought that I would probably be jumping like my
body did sometimes when I finally relaxed enough to go to sleep. The first
time that happened it really scared me. I put my arm under my pillow and
lay my head on it. I jumped. Jerry was pulling on my peepee through my
drawers. He laid his head next to mine and whispered really quietly, "Do
you jack off?"

I turned where my face was right next to his. "Huh? What's 'at?"

"You don't know 'bout jacking off? You pretty dumb, boy." Jerry
giggled. "Here, I'll show you. I caught Drayton doing it wuz how I larned."

He took my peepee out and started pulling on it with his finger and
thumb. "Now, let's see if'n you can do it."

I took my own peepee and started going up and down on it with my fingers
like Jerry had been doing. This felt even better than humping the tree limb
and this way you could do it inside.

Jerry was watching me with his head under the covers. "You doin' it. That's
the way. I don't guess you can cum yet. You don't have no hair."

"What's cum?" I asked.

"When you get as old as me, thar's 'is white stuff that shoots out of yer
peter and hits what goes in a woman to make 'er have babies. You know about
fucking don't you?"

I was beginning to realize that there were lots of things that I had not
even heard about much less knew anything about. "I hate being stupid, but I
never heard any of this. You sure you know what you talkin' 'bout?" I asked
Jerry. I was still "jacking my peter", as he called it.

"Hey. I ain't lying 'bout none of this. Drayton told me most of hit. If'n
it ain't true then hit his fault. Then we been talkin' about 'mong the guys
at school. Fuckin' is when a man puts his peter up a woman's pussy. Then he
just pushes it in and pulls it out until he shoots his cum up in
her. Drayton says it's 'bout the best feeling 'n the world."

"Does Drayton fuck anybody?" I was incredulous. Drayton did not seem to be
old enough to be out fucking.

"Naw. He ain't been fuckin'. Mostly you gotta be married to get a girl to
do hit. But he knows this boy that got his cousin to give it to him. Said
she sucked his peter too."

"That's gross. She put it in her mouth and sucked on it?" I could not
believe that anyone could be so depraved.

"Yeah. It's called a 'blow job' but you don't blow, you suck. If you want
to I'll suck yours if'n you suck mine."

"You gotta be crazy, Jerry. That's nasty putting your peepee in someone's
mouth. I ain't ever gonna do that," I said in all innocence.

"Well, Drayton and me've done it a couple of times and it feels soooo
good."

I guess we were starting to get too loud or had mumbled too long 'cause
Aunt Elizabeth called up the stairs that she would tan our hides if we did
not shut up and go to sleep. I really did not want to get a whipping. I had
been witness to her when she switched Jerry a couple of time. I even saw
her switch big old Drayton. I put my hard peter in my drawers and closed my
eyes. Jerry got really quiet and still also. It was not but a few minutes
and I was sound asleep.

My daddy came and picked me up about lunch time. Aunt Elizabeth insisted
that we eat since she still had all that food that the women from the
churches and the neighbors had brought in. When we got back home, he took
some boxes and a few brown card cardboard boxes from the car to the
house. Once we were inside, he told me to sit at the kitchen table with
him. "Son, you know that since your Mama's died and I have to be gone so
much of the time, we think it would be better if you went and lived with
Mrs. Rose. She and I talked about it, and she said that she wanted you to
stay here with her. I may just go on back to Tennessee for a while since
there ain't that much business here. With the legalized liquor now, I could
probably make a better living back there with my brothers." That was the
only time that I had ever heard him admit to what he did for a living.

"But, Daddy, can't we just stay here like we been doing? I been keeping the
house and cookin' for you anyway. I could still do that."

"I know, Toby, but the thing is I can't just leave you here by yourself all
the time. It won't'n be right. 'Sides, you will have a good time living in
town. You'll have a chance to make friends and not have to do all the
work. It'll give you more time to work on your schooling. I want you to
graduate. You're smart and all. You need an education, so you don't end up
like me."

I had thought about moving to town. I did want to graduate high school. I
would be the only one in the family to do so. My Mama had made me promise
her that I would. There were lots to be said for going to live with
Mrs. Rose. She lived in a big old house and took in boarding female school
teachers during school term. I would surely have enough educated people
around to talk to, I thought. The thing was I hated losing my Daddy. I had
just lost my Mama and now this. I worried about him not being able to take
care of his self. "If I go to live with Mrs. Rose, who's gonna tak' care of
you?" I asked him.

"You need'n worry 'bout me. I can take care of myself, and if I do go back
home ther'll be people to cook and wash fer me there. I ain't gonna lie to
you, son. I can't stand to stay around here since she's gone. I know I am
goin' back to Tennessee. I know it looks like I am just puttin' you off 'n
Mrs. Rose 'cause I don't want you. That ain't it at all. It's hard times. I
know that if you with Mrs. Rose ther'll always be someone gonna take care
of you. You gonna have what you need. If you go with me, I could not
promise you that I could always feed the both of us. People back home is
havin' hard times too, you know."

"Are you ever coming back?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I'll come back to see you. I told Mrs. Rose that I would send her
postal money orders when I had extra money that she can use to buy you what
you need. I wanta do right by you, boy, but I don't know what else to do."
He put his head in his hands and just set there looking like a pitiful old
man. His shoulders were slumped over.

"Daddy, if this is what you think's best for both of us, then I'll do it. I
know you would keep me if you thought that you could. I'll worry about you
though." I rubbed the back of his hands with the palms of mine. "Promise me
one thing."

"What's that?" he asked looking up at me with moist eyes.

"I know you can't do much writing, but find some body there that can and
have 'em write to me so I know you're okay. When I get the letter from 'em,
I will send you one 'bout how I am. You promise?"

"Okay, your uncle Thad ought to have one of his kids that can write. They
been goin' t' school in Johnson City. I know what Mrs. Rose's address
is. Number Three Elm Street. I'll make sure. Now take these boxes and put
all the clothes you gonna carry to Mrs. Rose's in them. She and Corinda are
cleaning out that back room behind the kitchen pantry for you this
afternoon. We're supposed to eat supper there."

I packed everything that I had in the boxes neatly as I could. There was
only enough for two of the boxes. I did not want to put my new suit into
the box since it would be wrinkled. I took a couple of old newspapers and
pinned them together and hung them over my suit while it was still on the
hanger. That way it would not get dirty in the car. I really did not have a
lot. Those few clothes, my new funeral suit and a Bible that Mrs. Rose gave
for my birthday a couple of years ago. I had read some of it. There were
some places in it where I imagined that the speaker sounded a lot like
Boris Karloff, and I would get goose pimples just like I did when I heard
him announcing on "Lights Out".

I went back into the kitchen. Daddy was sitting there at the table. "Do you
want something else to eat? All this stuff is going to go bad if somebody
don't eat it," he said to me.

"I'm not hungry." But I opened the door on the ice box to see what was
there. It was cool inside but not very cold. No one had thought to put ice
in it. I looked under the flap door in front and sure enough the pan was
over-flowing with water. "I guess we better get some ice when you take me
into town. I can't lift this pan out without spilling it everywhere."

Daddy got up and took the pan out and threw the water out the back
door. "How 'bout packing all the food up. I probably 'll just go on to
Tennessee t'night. We'll take the food to Elizabeth, and she can make
sure'n the people get their dishes back."

I got one of the cardboard boxes and started packing everything in
it. "What we going to do with the bed 'n the table?" I asked him.

"Well, we goin' to take the table into town for you to use to study on in
your room. I already measured and it fits. Pretty big to be using to study
but Mrs. Rose don't want nobody studying at her table. I can put that on
the top of the car and take it in. The rest of it your Uncle Walter is
going to get a truck and carry over to Mrs. Rose's house and put it in the
shed out back. Is there anything else you want for your room? There's
already a bed in there for you, so you don't have to sleep on the cot."

"What you gonna do with the radio?"

"I figured that you'd want that. You and your ma loved to listen to that
thing. I already put it in the trunk of the car to take for you, and I
talked to Mrs. Rose about it. She said it would be okay but fer you not to
play it too loud and to keep it off when you wouldn't in yor room. You
don't wanna raise up her 'lectric bill. Go on in your mama's room and look
around for anything that you wanna keep. I took some pictures, but there's
a box of 'em on the bed. If you want 'em, take 'em with you."

"I guess I'm finished then. I gotta go to the privy and then I'll look
'bout Mama's things."

I walked across the yard to the privy. It was not well made like some
folks'. There were open cracks between the boards like it was put together
by a carpenter that did not know what he was doing. In the summer it was
fine because there was a breeze through it, but in the winter time it was
awful to have to pull your pants down and sit your naked ass down on that
icy wood and feel the sting of the cold wind biting into your flesh. I sat
there doing my business. I was thinking about what happened the night
before with Jerry. I noticed that my peter was getting hard. I leaned back
against the wall in the summer shade and started pulling on my peter like
he showed me. It felt really good. I thought about what he had said about
sucking on his cock. I thought to myself that it sounded really disgusting,
but it might not be so bad to have someone do that to me. Mostly I though
about that long peter hanging out of Drayton's underwear. I got faster and
when it started to tingle I just kept going. It felt like I was going to
pee. I bucked back against the wall and dug my toes into the soft cool
earth of the privy floor. It was like I was jutting my whole peter and
balls up so that it would shoot like Jerry talked about. I know I must have
moaned when it hit the highest place it would go. Then it subsided, and I
came back down to earth. I looked in my hand, and there was no cum there. I
wondered how long until that happened. I did not care. What just happened
was the best yet. I needed to spend the night with Jerry again. I wiped up
as good as I could with pages from the catalog. I thought that it was about
time for a new Sears catalog. I had just about used up all the soft
pages. I thought might as well use the few remaining ones since this was
the last time I would ever use this privy.

I took the box of pictures and a couple of brushes my mother used for her
hair. I always used them too since I did not have my own. I went through
her drawers and found a locket she said that her grandmother gave her
before she died. I put that in my pocket. There was nothing else much in
there except a big old dictionary which she had bought from a traveling
salesman and a book of children's Bible stories that Mrs. Rose gave me one
Christmas. Mama had read those to me when I was little; I read them to her
earlier in the summer when there was nothing on the radio but baseball. She
did not like to listen to baseball and neither did I. If the story was
really fierce, I tried to make my voice sound like Boris Karloff. Mama
would laugh when I tried to sound like a woman reading the women's
parts. It was good that I could make her laugh. It seemed so unreal that
she was not lying there on the bed

Living with Mrs. Rose was not easy. She was not mean. It was that she had
her ways and, to her, it was her way or no way. Mostly, I just learned to
stay out of her way. The first night that my daddy took me there she laid
down some simple rules. As long as I did what I was told, kept wood for the
kitchen stove brought in the house, fed the pigs each night with the slops
from the table and took care of my own room then things would go
smoothly. There was nothing said about doing well in school or going to
church or any of that sort of thing. I knew that my Daddy would let
Mrs. Rose have her way about most things, but what was surprising was that
he told her that night not to make me go to church. Mrs. Rose went to the
Association of Reformed Presbyterians where most all the LaBords went. They
were pretty strait laced. Daddy said that when I was ready I could decide
when and where I wanted to go on my own. Daddy said that he would send
money if he had it. Mrs. Rose said that whatever he sent would be put up
for me. Daddy left. Things settled into a routine. I did what I was
expected. Sometimes if I tried to do more, I got in trouble. I learned to
never go into the main part of the house where the teachers lived. The only
time that I saw them was when they were leaving for school in the
morning. Sometimes we would be walking to school at the same time. I tried
even to avoid that since they felt like they had to talk to me when it
happened. School was much the same only it was closer, and I walked every
day now. This went on that school year. I had a letter and a Christmas card
from my Daddy. I could tell that my cousin wrote the note even if it had
not said that he did at the end. He sent me a money order for five dollars
and told me to buy some clothes. I wrote back to the return address, but
never heard back from the cousin. The summer came. I spent most of the time
reading books from the Timrod Library. There was a porch swing on the front
porch. It was my place where I laid and read my books. The winter came and
another school year just like the past one. I got another card and another
letter at Christmas. This one did not have any money order. Daddy said that
he was lucky to have money to buy the stamp. I could understand that Hoover
days were really hurting the people in Tennessee.

It was the next summer that my life changed drastically. School normally
lasted up through May. A lot of the students that lived out on farms never
started until after the cotton was picked in September. Some of the older
ones did not start until it was almost Halloween if they had to help with
the hay. During the time that school was in session, Mrs. Rose had the
single female school teachers staying at her house. Each one had a
room. Each one paid a certain amount each month from their paycheck for
their room and board. Then, the last month of my sixth grade year, the
school board ran out of money, closed the schools and sent the teachers and
the students home. The loss of income for that month was something of a
catastrophe to Mrs. Rose's financial situation. She had money from Tommy's
insurance left. That was her husband, my grandfather, who had died when my
mother was a child. He had substantial insurance, which she took in gold
coin and then hid. No one knew that she had done such a thing, but when the
banks closed Mrs. Rose was a very rich woman although no one knew it until
years later.

The thing was that Mrs. Rose never let on that she had that money, and
pretended to be as poor as a church mouse. Because the teachers left her
without that income and to insure that no one suspected that she had any
money hidden, she sent me to spend the summer with my Aunt Elizabeth, so I
could work on the farm.

In the two years since my mother died, I had not spent the night outside
Mrs. Rose's house. Jerry and I had asked her to allow me to spend a weekend
with them or a week in the summer, but she had said no to each of our
requests. I think she thought that one more mouth for Aunt Elizabeth to
feed would be too much for her. Jerry and I were afraid to do anything at
her house since we had no place to hide. We tried to get into the shed but
there was a padlock on that door, and the garage was locked with a heavy
plank that the two of us could not lift. The only sex I had during those
two years was my own masturbation at night. I had fantasized about doing it
with Jerry, or with a guy whose father ran the barber shop, and the brother
of my friend Dixie who lived down the street from Mrs. Rose. The brother's
name was Allan Lewis. He had long dirty-blond hair and these piercing blue
eyes that sparkled like a baby doll's glass. He was a couple of years older
than we were, and I thought that he was a god. He looked like he was tanned
even in the wintertime. He would hold me down and make me take it in my
mouth. Mostly, I would fantasize about Drayton's monster. I pretended that
his peter could talk, and it would command me to do things. I would
fantasize about the peter making me get naked and forcing me to take it
into my mouth and then making me suck on it. I did not know that we often
got what we asked for in our dreams.

Uncle Walter picked me up on Saturday after school was officially closed
the last day of the month. I had most of my summer clothes with me in a
brown cardboard box. It was the same one that I had used to carry my stuff
to Mrs. Rose's two years before. Nothing was ever thrown away. I had mostly
shirts and overhauls that Jerry had outgrown the year before and a pair of
blue jeans that I bought with the money my Daddy sent me. The jeans were
real short on me since I had grown. It seemed sort of strange that I was
taking the clothes back to where they had come from. I put my box in the
wagon and climbed onto the plank seat with Uncle Walter, who picked up the
reins, spoke to the horse and then flicked the reins on the horse's
back. We started off slowly and proceeded at the same pace the entire way
out to their farm. The whole time I was watching the fields go by, I was
thinking about the possibility of lying in bed playing with Jerry's peter
while he played with mine. I knew that mine had grown about twice the size
it was when he saw it last. I wondered what his would look like and how big
it was. My cock was hard, and the tip of it rubbed against the soft fabric
of the worn overhauls. It felt good. The sun was hot, but the movement of
the wagon made a soft breeze which cooled my naked body inside my
overhauls. I loved to feel so free dressed with just the loose fitting
overhauls with the sides opened. I never buttoned the side buttons. I
wondered if Drayton's peter was any bigger. His peter sounded just like
Boris Karloff when it talked in my imagination. I just sat there grinning
and swaying with the wagon. I guess Uncle Walter must have thought that I
had taken leave of my senses the way I was just grinning. He never spoke
the entire way to the farm. I think he was napping a little while we were
riding but I was not worried since the horse probably knew where it was
going anyway.

When we got there Aunt Elizabeth hugged me and kissed me. I thought that
was pretty icky, but she was my Mama's sister. Then she told me to put my
box upstairs in Jerry's room and that I would be sleeping with him. Nothing
could make me happier. I folded up my clothes and set them up on the shelf
with Jerry's clothes. When I got back downstairs, there was a lot of
shouting and hollering going on in the yard. I went out on the back
porch. The whole family was there. Drayton was holding up this really long
black snake. It had lots of humps in its body. Aunt Elizabeth said that she
figured that those were her eggs in those humps. Jerry came up from the
barn with a hoe. "Here, Drayton, open one of 'em humps up n' see what in
'er." He handed the hoe to Drayton. Drayton cut into the skin of the
snake. The striking hoe made a clanking sound. It took a couple of times,
but it finally opened. There was a white ceramic cold cream jar inside. I
knew what it was since my mother had used it on her face when she was
sick. Pond's Cold Cream. Aunt Elizabeth laughed and said, "That snake was
trying to get a facial. I put those jars in the hen's nest to keep the
snakes outt'a the eggs. Guess hit didn't work." I was standing over close
to Drayton while he was chopping on the snake. I could see inside his
overhauls when he was straining to hold the snake and chop at the same
time. It looked like it was bigger and just like a snake hanging between
his legs. I thought that he must have the biggest snake I had ever seen. It
looked bigger than my Daddy's. Drayton saw me looking at it and winked. I
know that I must have blushed.

We ate dinner, and the boys were told to bring water in so that it could be
heated on the stove. It was Saturday night and everyone was going to have a
bath. Since I had a bath most nights while I lived with Mrs. Rose I had
already had a bath the night before and was excused from the weekly
bathing. I thought about how it would be a good time for me to get another
glimpse of Drayton's peter. I could not remember ever regretting not
getting a bath but this was one time I would not have minded. I was told to
go on upstairs to the boys' room since the girls would be taking their
baths first. Drayton and Jerry seemed to be bathing somewhere else. They
came climbing in the window naked in about a half hour.

"How'd y'all do that?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Come up on the roof and through the window?"

"We come on up on the back porch and git on th' rail and pull ourselfs up
on the roof. You gotta be careful 'at you don't get cut on the tin. Then we
jist walk on over and come in the winder," Jerry explained.

"Where'd y'all bathe?" I asked.

"We filled up the big tub out 'n the shed this morning and left it out 'n
th' sun. It was real hot. We had to dump 'nother cold bucket in hit to cool
hit down. If'n you help us draw th' water and fill up the tub in the
mornin' on Sar'dy, you can wash with us."

"How off'n you bathe?" I asked them. Jerry was doing all the
talking. Drayton was quiet. He was looking through the shelf for some
drawers. Jerry just sat there on the side of the bed with me with no
clothes on. He was not embarrassed at all. I was thinking about the fact
that I was going to have to take my clothes off in front of him and
Drayton. Both of them had peters that were still a lot bigger than mine.

"We some times just wash up but the only time we get a soakin' is when we
go to the creek or on a Sar'dy."

Drayton moved over between the two beds where we were sitting. The moon was
shining, and I could see his peter hanging down over his low hanging
balls. I just could not take my eyes off of it. Drayton stood there right
in front of me and started stroking it. It was growing bigger and bigger.

"That's 'bout big as 'at old black snake ain't hit?" Jerry laughed and
reached over and rubbed where my hard peter was almost poking through the
material of my overhauls.

"Drayton told me he caught you lookin' 'n his 'er overhauls."

Drayton was grunting and moaning. He grabbed my head and pulled it toward
his peter. I was caught off guard, and when I opened my mouth to protest he
stuffed his uncircumcised prick into my mouth. Then with his hands on
either side of my head he started to face fuck me with what I thought was a
gigantic cock. In reality it was only just over six inches but it was
fat. Drayton continued to groan. I was trying to get away without making
much racket. I did not want to suck his cock, but I did not want us to get
caught, either.

Jerry was busy while I was having my face fucked. He took all my clothes
off. There was not much to take off, just the overhauls. We all went
barefoot as soon as the ground was warm enough. Jerry was kneeling in front
of me with my little peter in his mouth. It was great. I had never felt
anything that felt so good. I started concentrating on sucking on Drayton
like Jerry was doing to me. Just then Aunt Elizabeth called from the bottom
of the stairs. "You boys quite down, har' me. I don't wanna have t'come up
'ar." I froze.

Jerry whispered, "Don't worry, she ain't comin'. She says the same thang
ever night. Hit don't matter none what we doin'." He immediately went back
to sucking. Drayton was now caressing my hair with his hands. He was
running his fingers over my face as I sucked him. It felt like his peter
was getting bigger and then without any warning, he shot his huge load of
cum in my mouth. I started to gag. I wanted to spit it out, but Jerry held
me down. If I threw up it would go in Jerry's hair. I knew that he would
beat hell out of me if I did. Drayton held my head so that I had to
swallow. Once I did, he eased his hold on me and pulled my face against his
hard stomach. He rubbed my face and then bent over and did something that
pushed me across the line. He kissed me. He licked my lips with his tongue
and then pushed his tongue into my mouth. I had heard of French kissing in
school, but I had never thought about two boys doing it. I shot my load
into Jerry's mouth. He had no problem with swallowing what little I had to
offer. That was the first time that white stuff ever came out of my
peter. It felt really good.

Jerry crawled in the bed and then he pulled me away from Drayton. "C'mon. I
need you t' git me off now." He stretched out on the bed on his back. I did
not have to be told what to do. I guess by that point I knew that I was
going to be sucking cock the rest of the summer at least. I lay my head on
his lower stomach and pulled his five inches into my mouth. I ran my tongue
around the edge of his cock. He was circumcised just like I was. That was
something else I wondered about. Why the two of us were circumcised and
Drayton was not? It did not take but a few up and down motions of my head
and Jerry blew his load into my mouth. He held his hand at the back of my
head to keep me from pulling away as he shot his load. It was not nearly
the amount that I had swallowed from Drayton's fountain. Jerry pulled me by
the shoulders until we were lying face to face. He pulled the sheet over
us. There was a cool breeze blowing through the room. I rolled over so that
I could see Drayton. He was already snoring, lying on his back in the other
bed. Jerry put his hand on my hip and that was the last thing that I
remembered.

It was still dark when I woke up. "C'mon. We gotta feed and milk. Then get
the horses hooked up t' the wagin."

"Why?" I asked rubbing my eyes trying to wake up.

"Ma and the girls ride in the wagin to church on Sund'y." Drayton said
quietly. "We'll walk."

"But I don't have to go to church," I said as I tried to lie back down.

Drayton pulled me up and onto my feet. "Well, when you live here, you have
to go to church on Sund'y. You'll like it. I'll make sure a t'at."

That was the most I had ever heard Drayton say. He usually just grunted or
moaned or nodded. Even when Mrs. Rose talked to him he only had said
"yes'm" and "no'm." I figured that if Drayton wanted me to go and promised
that I would like it who was I not to go along. We went about getting the
cows fed. Jerry was good at milking and did all of it. I helped Drayton get
the horses fed and then bring the one bigger horse around to hitch to the
wagon. He led the horse out and tied it to the big oak in the front
yard. We then went inside and Aunt Elizabeth had breakfast ready. It was a
huge breakfast. We had biscuits and milk gravy, butter and jelly, and
scrambled eggs and streaked meat. I ate until I thought that I would
burst. I had to go to the privy before we were going to leave. Drayton went
out with me.

This privy was well built. There were no cracks between the planks. It
actually had two holes and they had wooden covers over them. Everything was
clean. No spider webs anywhere. And there was a box attached to the wall
where they kept their catalog. It was impressive and nobody could see in
when you were doing your things. I thought this must be 'cause of the
women. As I was sitting there, Drayton was standing outside the door but I
could not see him.

"You want to come in 'n sit?" I asked him.

"Naw. It was this is whar I found that ole black snake. I was afeared that
thar might'n be a nutter'n down h'ar. Didn't want you to git scared."

"Drayton, I really do 'preciate you lookin' out fer me," I said with all
sincerity. "I ain't had nobody ever do 'at. I really love you."

"I love you, too." He opened the wooden door and leaned in and kissed me
again the way he had done last night. My cock was hard again. "Whew! You
stink." He laughed and closed his nose between his fingers and slammed the
door.

Drayton was almost seventeen that summer. As Jerry said about him, he was
not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I laughed about it, but I would have
killed anyone else that laughed at him. In my book after that Sunday
morning, Drayton could do no wrong in my eyes. He told me he loved me, and
I sincerely loved him back. He would actually talk to me. Drayton did not
do well in school and had been kept back a couple of years. Now that he was
over sixteen he probably would not be going back the next year but just
stay out on the farm and work. When I finished I cleaned myself with the
catalog pages that they had out there. Drayton was still waiting for me
when I came out. We walked back to the house where the girls and Aunt
Elizabeth were putting baskets of food in the wagon. When you went to
church on Sunday, you finished up one service and then ate. After that they
had a singing, and then another service late in the afternoon. Everyone had
to get home before dark so they could milk the cows and feed their animals.

We walked, and although I was not used to walking so far I was determined
to do it on my own. I did have to sit down and rest a couple of times but
Drayton always had an excuse of looking for a piece of mica or of having
seen a snake or something that might have been a fox in the woods beside
the road, so I could rest. He even offered to carry me on his back if I was
really tired. I never took him up on it because I was afraid that I would
get hard and everyone would know why.

The first thing that happened was that we went to Sunday School. Drayton
and Jerry said that I could go in the Young People Class with them since I
was visiting. If I had been a regular I would have gone with the Juniors
who were eleven and twelve year olds. As it was, I was with the fourteen
and older boys. The girls all went to a different class. There were seven
boys in this class including myself. We went out behind the church and down
the hill toward the river to have our class. The teacher was a real little
thin guy who had the thickest glasses I ever saw. Even though it was
already hot, he was wearing a black suit and a white starched shirt. His
name was Mr. Abner.

"You're gonna like 'his," Drayton whispered as we all sat on some rocks by
the bank of the river in a semicircle around the teacher. After he started
talking, Drayton just reached over and ran his hand in my overhauls and
started to jack my cock right there in front of the teacher and all the
other boys. The boy sitting next to me was Billy Pearson. He was a tall,
good looking boy with long thin fingers. He had an Adam's apple that really
protruded. He pulled my hand over and put it inside his overhauls. I felt
this really long thin peter. It was already hard, so I started slowly
rubbing it trying not to be caught doing it.

Billy leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Go on. He can't see a thing
pas' two feet in front of him. If he gets up and starts walkin' round then
stop, but till 'en do it hard 'n fast." And he grinned really wide showing
a lot of his teeth.

I looked around and saw all the boys were jacking the guy sitting next to
them. There was a pause in what the teacher was saying and it looked like
he was going to get up from where he was, and everyone stopped. Then he
started talking again and everyone moved over one seat. Now I was on the
other side of Billy Preston and he was playing with my peter, and I started
playing with Ralph Thomas's peter. Ralph's was not much bigger than mine,
but he had lots of hair. We moved again and this time I was jacking Tommy
Thomas. Tommy was Ralph's older brother. He was not but a little bit bigger
than Ralph. I wondered about the sizes for a moment. Both Drayton and Jerry
had big peters, and they were brothers. Ralph and Tommy were brothers, and
they both had small peters. I hoped that I took after my cousins. The
seventh boy in the class was Eric Weathers. Eric was dark with jet black,
straight hair. He had high cheekbones and really dark eyes. They were so
dark that you could not tell where the iris stopped and the pupil began. He
was the oldest of the group and was part Cherokee Indian. His grandfather
was full blooded Cherokee. They had moved from the mountains in North
Carolina before I could remember. Eric had been born in Poinsettia. His
father was the preacher. I was really surprised when he reached in and
played with my peter. I was even more surprised when it was my turn to play
with his. It was bigger than Drayton's peter. It was long and thick and
really hard. I could feel the bulging ridge full of cum running from his
balls to the tip of his cock. There were protruding veins on the side that
looked like the veins that some men have on their arms when they have a lot
of muscle. The head was flared and the piss hole looked like the entrance
to a dark tunnel. It was an angry-looking peter. I was almost afraid of it,
but when Eric undid the hook on the bib of his overhauls and the button on
the side I knew what to do when he pulled my head onto his naked cock. I
opened my mouth and made love to that monster. I knew that it had to be
tamed, and I would do the best I could with my mouth to try to do the
taming. I sucked it. I kept trying to take more and more of it. Neither
Drayton nor Jerry had tried to make me take all of their cock, but Eric was
insistent. He kept pushing my head further down each time that I went down
on it. I gagged a little and then something happened. I guess I had too
much saliva in my mouth because I swallowed and when I did his peter
slipped into my throat. I panicked at first, but he held me down. Here I
was under the bib of this Indian boy's overhauls sucking his angry cock and
taking it down my throat. I was scared. Then I thought what if his father
catches us. He will probably drown us in the river and say we slipped out
of his reach while he was Baptizing us. I guess thinking about something
else must have helped because I now had all eight inches of that huge cock
down my throat. Eric was rubbing his cock through the skin of my throat
from the outside. I heard him moan quietly and then he shot his load of cum
right into my gullet. I tried to pull off but he held me there. I kept
swallowing since it was not shooting into my mouth. I thought that he might
drown me. I did not drown, and I pulled back and got a good mouthful of cum
before he finished.

There was a break between the Sunday School and the first service. We all
went down to the spring and Drayton got me a dipper of water since my arms
were not long enough to reach the water with the gourd. I washed down
Eric's load of cum with good cold spring water. Drayton smiled at me as he
handed me the water. "I told you 'at you'd have fun 'n church, didn't I?"

"You shore did. Hit's the most fun I ever had."

All the boys in the Young Men's Sunday School Class laughed. Tommy Thomas
put his arm around my shoulder and said, "I think 'es boy's got the makin's
ouv a real snake-handlin' Baptist." All of them laughed again, and Eric
mussed my hair up. We were all having a good time. I knew that the rest of
the day probably was not going to be this interesting, but I could hope.

We all went up to the church. I sat with Drayton and the rest of the boys
on the next to the last row in the back of the church. The ushers were the
men who sat in the very back row. They would take the offering. Usually
there was not much offering since hard cash was hardly ever seen. The
farmers usually brought food for the pastor and his family. Eric's father
and mother had a garden of their own. Whenever a farmer killed a cow or a
pig they sent some to the preacher. I knew that Eric worked at the
drugstore in town. He was what was called a soda jerk. I laughed about that
when someone told me what he was called. After Sunday School I did not
think that he was a jerk at all. I thought that he was one handsome man
with a really monster peter that I loved to suck on. Maybe next winter if
we had school again, I could stop by the drugstore and see him.

I was thinking about Eric when somebody up front stood up and started
singing. Then everybody started. There were a few books, but I did not know
any of the songs. It was pretty lively music. Not like the quartets on
Sunday morning on the radio, but I thought that it was pretty
good. Mr. Arthur, who was this great big man that was probably six two or
three, came in on the really deep bass. I mean the whole floor shook. Then
all the way on the other side of the church Mrs. Thomas, Tommy and Ralph's
grandmother, started with this really high pitched tenor. They were going
back and forth, and the rest of the people were in the middle. It was like
thunder and lightning at the same time. I was sure that God had to wake up
and pay attention with the two of them singing. After the singing and the
offering, the preacher started. He was pretty loud, but it was warm and I
had already gotten off twice this morning and once on Saturday night so I
rested my head on Drayton's shoulder and was soon asleep. The next thing I
knew, he was shaking me and wiping the drool off my chin with his
handkerchief.

We ate. There were probably fifty or sixty people there from ten or twelve
families. Everyone just put their picnics together on the tables out in
front of the church. There were four big oaks that gave about an acre of
shade. The boards had been laid across wooden horses that men use to prop
lumber on to saw it. The women put their tablecloths on, and ran one
tablecloth into the other. They started pulling out bowls and platters
filled with meats and vegetables. There were platters of fried chicken and
one woman had boiled a hen. There was no beef or pork since it was spring
and the meat from the winter before had just about run out. What was left
was mostly streaked meat and fat back that was still salted down. Some of
the women had brought jars of pickles and chow-chow that they had put up
last summer and there were at least four different kinds of dried beans -
Crowder peas, pintos, black-eyed peas and even some speckled butter beans
that someone had obviously canned. There were spring onions, yellow squash
and one woman had made macaroni and cheese. The macaroni and cheese was a
treat since the woman had to pay for the cheese at the grocery
store. Everything else was mostly made at home. I ate two pieces of
chicken, some fried green tomatoes, squash pie, and a plate of cream gravy
that was not very hot but the biscuits had been sitting in the sun and they
were soft and warm. It was a good thing I had a nap or I would be ready for
another one. Jerry was wandering around talking to all his friends. Drayton
stayed right with me. He kept asking me if I wanted anything and if I was
having a good time. Whatever I wanted he would get it for me. After we
finished eating, the women and the girls cleaned up the tables and put
everything back in their boxes. Drayton and I took the stuff back to the
wagon.

While we were putting the stuff in the wagon, he asked me, "Toby, you wanta
go back down by the river or would you rather stay 'n h'ar the sangin'?"

"I'd jest soon's go t'the river. Wouldn't you?"

"Yeah. That's what I usually do. Sometimes I jest come out here and take a
nap in the back of the wagon 'til hits time t'go."

"We could do that. I could sleep some more, or not."

"Can you swim, Toby?"

"No. Ain't nobody showed me how. I guess I could larn though."

"I tell you what, let's go on down to the river and I'll see 'bout teachin'
you. You not scared of water are you?"

I shook my head no and we headed back down the hill behind the church. I
could hear the singing just starting up as the church went out of
sight. The closer we got to the river, the more I could hear boys laughing
and yelling. When we came through the bushes, there were all of the boys my
age and older naked and skinny dipping in the river. Drayton and I took all
our clothes off. I folded them and he put them up in a tree so that they
would not get wet from the boys splashing water.

"Come on, Toby; let's go out to where that pool is."

There was a shallow pool in the rocks that formed the shoals where the
river ran. It was only about eight feet long and about four feet wide. The
water was so clear that you could see your toes when you looked down. It
was in that little pool that Drayton taught me how to swim. He was
patient. He was supportive. He was just what I needed at that moment in my
life^×someone to love me and do boy things with me. After he was convinced
that I could at least dog paddle and not drown, we went into the main part
of the river where he told me to swim or drown and just laughed as I went
splashing down the shoals with the rest of the guys. Whatever he told me in
his own simple way was enough that I survived in the river that day and
could always swim after that time. After the third time of going down the
shoals on my ass, Eric started organizing us into teams. Each team was to
race the next team and whoever lost the most races had to give the winning
team a blow job. I thought that this was the funniest thing that I had ever
heard. The boys lined up. There was a count down just like I had heard them
do for the races on radio. Then since we did not have a starting whistle or
a pistol, Eric would hit two rocks together. I was on the winning team
every time. Drayton and I would sling each other forward so that we would
have a head start on the others. Finally, some of the other boys caught on
and started trying it also. Eric was on the losing team. When it was all
over he came and took me to a blanket up on the bank behind some
bullrushes, and as I lay there this boy-man licked and kissed and sucked
every part of my body. He even licked my ass and even in my ass. I thought
that I was going to scream when he did that. It was dirty, but I had found
that I liked things I had always thought were dirty. When I came, I did
scream. When I opened my eyes, I saw Drayton peeking through the rushes,
making sure that I was okay. I winked at him and smiled. Drayton came into
our hideout and lay beside me. Eric did not say anything but started
kissing and licking on Drayton also. Drayton started moaning when Eric
turned him over on his stomach and started kissing his ass. He spit a lot
into Drayton's crack and then spit some on his peter. I was amazed when he
started sticking into Drayton's ass crack. What was he doing? Drayton just
kept moaning. I thought that Eric was surely hurting him, but then I
figured that this was probably not the first time that they had done
something like this.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to Drayton.

"Ummmhhhh. Oh, yeah. Do it, Eric."

"Drayton, that's not hurting you? What's he doing to you?"

"Don't you know about cornholing?"

"What?"

"Ummmmmmm. Oh. Toby, you are so pretty."

"What's cornholing?"

"It's when I fuck him in the ass. Look. See how my peter is going in and
out of him. That is the same way you would fuck a pussy. But, since he's a
guy I use his ass hole. That is called cornholing since people used corn
cobs to wipe their asses with," Eric was telling me this while he was
ramming his peter into Drayton's ass.

I figured that it could not be hurting Drayton that much since he was big
enough he could have bucked Eric right off of him. I got back down on my
hands and knees behind Drayton and watched as Eric's long cock drove in and
out of his reddened hole. They started bucking faster and faster and both
of them were moaning really loudly. Finally, I was sure that everyone on
the river was hearing them because they were almost screaming. They each
humped and humped as hard as they could and then I knew that Eric had shot
off because he stopped and I could tell that he was unloading up Drayton's
ass even before I saw the white cream coming out of Drayton's asshole
around Eric's cock. Eric eased out and Drayton rolled over on his
back. There on the blanket was a puddle of cum. How did that happen?
Drayton had not jacked off, because he had his hands on the blanket in
front of him the whole time. Damn. Eric must have fucked it out of him.

Everybody started putting on their clothes to go back up to the church. The
three of us went to the river and washed off. I could see that Drayton was
acting like he was taking a dump. Then I saw all this white cum floating on
the top of the water. He got our clothes down and we dressed. Eric came up
to us when he had gotten his clothes on. He pulled Drayton into a bear hug
and kissed him full on the lips. I started thinking that Eric was probably
the one who had showed Drayton how to do all the sex things.

We walked back home that night, did the chores and ate cold biscuits and
chicken, and went to bed. Drayton crawled into his bed and was snoring
before Jerry and I finished undressing. I still slept with Jerry even if it
was Drayton that I loved. Jerry and I sucked each other off and fell
sleep. The next morning we did our chores and spent the morning in the
field. Although it was still early in the year, it was really hot and after
we finished in the afternoon with the planting we went swimming in the
river. That was fun. While we were naked, I sucked Drayton's peter and he
sucked mine. He started working on loosening up my asshole. It became
pretty much routine with the work, the swim, eating supper and going to
bed. The sex did not vary much either except Drayton finally got his peter
up my ass before the week was out and I found out why he had come without
touching himself when Eric fucked him. I did the same thing. It felt so
good. Sundays I was ready to go to church even if we did have to walk all
that way. The group sex was great, and I never did have to go to the Junior
Department even though I was attending regularly. The Sunday picnics got
better as people got more vegetables from their gardens. The women even
started bringing more cakes and pies. Everybody seemed to have a little
more than they had been having. Then in September, just around my birthday,
Mrs. Rose sent word that the teachers were back and school was starting. It
was time for me to come back to her place. Like I said, everything seemed
to happen to me about that time of the year. Drayton hitched the wagon up
and drove me into town with my brown cardboard box filled with the clothes
I brought and some that Aunt Elizabeth had made for me. She said that the
shirts, pants and drawers that she and the girls made for me was my payment
for working. Mrs. Rose seemed glad to see me and said I looked like a
blackberry I was so tanned. Drayton helped me take my stuff to my room. We
had to get the windows opened since it smelled like stale food in
there. Then before he left he held me in a bear hug and kissed me over and
over. When I pulled away from his kiss there were tears in his eyes. "I'm
gonna miss you. I love you, cousin."

I was trying my hardest not to cry, and I eked out a "...Luv you too."

That fall Drayton joined up with the CCC boys. They sent him to Columbia to
Fort Jackson, to a camp there. I went with the family to the station to see
him off. Everyone was crying. Mrs. Rose had made him a big box filled with
all sorts of food. Drayton even kissed her good bye. He went from Jackson
up to Oconee county where him and his group worked on a new state park. He
send me a couple of cards. One said that he was learning to lay rock and
build walls and chimneys. Drayton said that he really liked being outdoors
and there were lots of nice guys there. There were only two cards. It
seemed that the depression was affecting all our lives.

I got out of the habit of listening to the radio. The summers were spent on
the farm or else like this past summer just before I turned fifteen mostly
reading. I would listen to the news some days. I got tired of hearing about
the Hoover Days. I never remembered when Hoover was president, but they
seem to blame everything on him. I could not understand how one man could
cause so much trouble. I heard about the huge dam out west that was named
for him. That sounded pretty positive for such a scoundrel. The biggest dam
in the world. I guess I could say Hoover instead of saying damned, and
Mrs. Rose would not know I was cussing. Most days I was satisfied to either
sit in the porch swing and read staying out of Mrs. Rose's path that way,
or else I hid out in my room. She seemed to resent the radio so if I did
not want her back there wanting to know what I was doing I had to leave it
turned off. At nights after she had gone to bed, I still listened to the
stories and the bands. In the winter when school was going on I had to cut
it off to study and usually feel asleep without even cutting it on. I read
a bunch of books from the school library. The Timrod Library did not have a
lot of books. I had already read everything there that was worth
reading. Some of those books, like the entire set of Charles Dickens, I
read the second time. It was getting hard to find something that I had not
already read. The books that Eric gave me when he left to join the Navy
were hidden in the ceiling. I had a trap door into the ceiling. It was in
the corner of my room. No one had ever used it. When Eric gave me his stash
of books, I pulled my desk over and raised the trap door. There was some
sooty dust but otherwise it was a dry place to keep my secret books. I knew
Mrs. Rose would ever get up on my desk to get to them. I was tall enough
that I could get on the desk and stand up and push the trap door
open. Reach in and get a book from the box and close it. No one ever found
my stash.

It was in March, just before time to start planting, that Uncle Walter lost
his farm. He did not have the money to pay the taxes for the past couple of
years. The county sent him a notice that they were going to auction his
land and equipment to pay his taxes and the bank. The bank of course was
not going to loan Uncle Walter any more money. It was sad, but they decided
it was time to quit. Drayton was gone, and even after Jerry dropped out of
school, it was hard for them to keep everything going. I could have helped
them in the summer, but it did not look like that was going to be
necessary. I was about that time that the new Poinsettia Cotton Mill was
organized and built. I thought that it was strange that some people had
money to open another Mill, and other people did not have money to feed
their family. Uncle Walter, Aunt Elizabeth, Jerry and the two oldest girls
all got jobs working in the mill. That meant with the whole family working
they got their own mill house to live in.

The week after the auction, which was the first weekend in May, I went out
to the farm with Uncle Walter in the wagon for the last time. Jerry and I
spent the night upstairs. I remembered the first night that he and I had
slept together. It was when my mama died. I had learned a lot about sex
since then. We were laughing. "I remember asking you what a blow job was. I
cannot believe I did not know anything back then."

"You were pruddy dumb alright. You sho learned a lot since 'en." Jerry said
as he guided his cock into my mouth.

I started to say something about learning.

"Hush. Didn't yor mama tell you not t'talk wid yore mouth full?"

I let his dick drop out of my mouth, and we both rolled on our sides
laughing.

After we calmed down, he turned the other direction, and we spent the next
ten or fifteen minutes making love to each other's cocks. We
sixty-nined. We fingered each other's ass holes. He rolled my balls around
in his hand. I liked that and I liked when he pinched my nipples. Jerry did
not like for me to do either one to him. He had a real low threshold for
pain. When I started cumming in his mouth it was like shooting off when you
really feel good and comfortable. That was the way it was with Jerry. We
were not excited with each other. We were comfortable and pleasant and
happy. He started shooting his load into my mouth about the same time. When
I was with other people I was usually uptight about how I was doing or
excited that I was doing it with them. Even Drayton was still someone who
kept me on edge. I was never as comfortable with anyone as I was with
Jerry.

The next day, Jerry and I drove the two cows and the few hogs that
Mrs. Rose had bought at the auction and then given back to Aunt Elizabeth
to help them out. We had to mark them and tag them so that we could put
them in with the animals that belonged to the other people who lived on the
mill hill. They had a communal pasture and a communal barn where they kept
the cows. Uncle Walter and Jerry had already gone in to build the pen for
their pigs in the lot behind the house where they were going to live. Uncle
Walter had already carried a lot of the furniture to the new house. That
day we had to move everything else because the bank had a sharecropping
family moving on to their farm the next day. It was sad that we were moving
their family out of the house so someone else who had never worked or loved
the place could move in. Jerry and I had fun driving the animals. We had a
couple of dogs that went along to help keep the animals in the road. There
was lots of red dust that the animals boiled up when the dogs started
running them. I think that those dogs would run the hogs just to amuse
themselves since it did not seem that the hogs were straying from the road
at all. It was about three miles into town, so we took our time. Uncle
Walter told us to take it easy since he did not want the animals to lose
whatever fat that they had on them by walking it off. There was a stream
about half way into town, so we stopped there. We let the animals all get
some water, and of course the pigs decided that they had to have a bathe
and started wallowing in the creek. It was funny to watch them. Jerry and I
waded in the creek, which was nice and cold. We walked up the creek out of
sight of the road but where we could still watch the animals. I pulled my
dick out and started to pee on the bank. Jerry laughed at me peeing on the
bank when most people would have peed in the creek.

"We might want a drink before we get goin'."

"Yeah. Like I'm gonna to drink where them hogs has been wallerin'." Jerry
laughed.

He pulled his peter out too. After he finished pissing, he sort of side
stepped over to me, and took my peter which I had left hanging out in his
hand. I did the same for him. Here we were outdoors on a nice spring
day. It was not too hot. The weather was just right. We were two cousins
lost in our own thoughts giving the other one a hand job. There was a ray
of sunshine coming through the leaves just like you see in those
paintings. It fell right on Jerry's right shoulder. You know how you see
someone all the time, and you really forget to look at them until something
sort of clicks on and you really see them. That was what it was like just
at that moment. I saw Jerry. He was tall and lanky. He had grown into a man
and I had not even noticed. His hazel eyes reminded me so much of
Drayton. If you saw nothing else but their eyes you could have told that
they were brothers. He had thin long fingers with hairs on the knuckles. He
had thin long toes with hairs on the top of each toe. I could see them
through the clear water. He was healthy and strong, but you could almost
see his ribs through his tanned, smooth skin. He was a country boy. You
could tell that, but there was more to him. He was actually pretty in a way
that only a boy can be pretty. He had what I would call a sweet mouth. I
had his peter in my hand. It was long and thin just like his legs, his toes
and his fingers. The helmet cap was bright pink and the shaft was tanned
like the rest of his body. Unlike Eric's dick that had veins showing,
Jerry's peter was smooth and delicate like fine china. I did not want to
suck him off, but I bent over and kissed his peter. Then I kissed his lips
and started to increase the speed with which I was jacking him.

"I'm 'bout thar."

"Yeah. Me too," I answered. We each speeded up and suddenly our cum shot
out toward the bank but landed in the creek. The white globs were floating
down the stream back toward the wallowing hogs.

"Well, I guess we mite well'ds 'a pissed in hit," Jerry said and we both
broke up laughing.

As the summer wore on, I went to work at La Bord's Mercantile. I was making
about fifty cent a day. That gave me about two fifty a week. I always gave
my ten percent to the Salvation Army or some poor person who was begging on
the street. That still left me with over two dollars to spend. Mrs. Rose
told me that she expected me to buy my own clothes for school. That was
fine, but with this much money I could buy all the clothes that I needed
and do the one thing that I wanted to do most to help me get through the
summer. Go to the picture show. I have no idea why I became so enamored of
the moving picture show, which was what Mrs. Rose called the movies. Even
though they were not all filled with glittering places and people, the
movie was at least about other people in other places. I wanted to be there
doing what they were doing and saying the things that they were saying. I
wanted to hold a cocktail glass and drink champagne just like the actors in
the movies did. The spring Uncle Walter lost his farm I had started going
to the matinee on Saturday. I could buy a yard of black liquorice.  If it
is, why not use lickerish?] and sit through the weekly serial, the cartoon,
the previews and a double feature of two cowboy movies. They had just
started showing some short films of a group of kids that were really
funny. It was called "Spanky" or "Our Gang". They had this one black kid,
Buckwheat, who was really funny. On Wednesday night there were two movies
shown. The last showing of the movie that ran the week before and the late
show was the new movie that would run for the coming week. I went. There
were not many people in the movies on Wednesday night since that was prayer
meeting night in all the churches. Usually, there were only a handful of
young people for the first show and a few more for the later one when the
new movie was shown. Most people saved their money so they could take their
dates to the movies on Friday or Saturday night.

The afternoon when we got back to the mill house from driving and tagging
the stock and putting the cows in the pasture with the other mill cows and
the pigs in their sty, we put Jerry's clothes in a closet in the back room
that was upstairs. Since there were five of them working in the mill, they
got one of the houses with two bed rooms upstairs and a kitchen, living
room and two bedrooms on the ground floor. The back yard was almost an
acre. It was large enough so that each family could have its own
garden. The out house and the pig pen was at the very back of the lot. It
was a long ways to walk if you were in a hurry. Jerry complained that he
would never be able to run to the outhouse in his drawers since there were
neighbors on each side. Uncle Walter and Aunt Elizabeth had already made
two trips and a couple of their friends were helping with their wagons, so
by the time Jerry and I finished most of the work was done. Jerry had a
room by himself. Of course when Drayton got back he would live there
too. Since they had just moved in, they were not expected to start work in
the mill until the next Monday. I had to work at La Bord's on Saturdays,
but I got off at one o'clock. I asked Jerry if he wanted to meet me in town
and go to the picture show on Saturday night. He agreed, but said that he
did not have any money. I told him that I would pay this time and when I
was broke he could take me. We hugged each other and rolled around on the
bed a little. Then I walked back to Mrs. Rose's house, which was just off
Main on Elm Street and `way across town from the Poinsettia Mill. I guess
it was about a mile. Since it was getting dark, I walked the long way
round, since I did not want to walk by "the hanging tree", which was
supposed to be haunted.

That was the way the summer started. Jerry never showed up for the movie. I
went by myself. I saw "Alexander's Ragtime Band." I came away singing the
song. I never even knew I could sing, but I remembered that tune. I thought
to myself Jerry would have really liked that show. None of their family
came to see Mrs. Rose. It had been several weeks and no one from Aunt
Elizabeth's family had been by the house. Even when they lived in the
country either Jerry or Uncle Walter or Aunt Elizabeth and the girls came
by. I wondered about not seeing them. I guess Mrs. Rose must have been
worried. After the third week she told me at breakfast that when I came
home from work she wanted me to take some food over to them.

When I got home she had filled her old picnic basket. It was one of the big
ones made out of the same stuff that they used to cane the bottoms on
chairs. She was putting the last dish in the basket when I came back into
the kitchen after changing from my work clothes to jeans and a regular
shirt. The aroma of the food made my stomach growl. Mrs. Rose said that she
was not sure she wanted to trust me carrying the food with a growling
stomach. She wanted to feed me then, but I told her that I had rather wait
and eat with Aunt Elizabeth and her family. It took me a while to walk to
their house on the mill hill. I had to stop two or three times and rest
since the basket was so loaded. I wished that I had put it in my little red
wagon and brought it that way. I could not stand the thoughts of someone
see me, a grown boy, pulling a little red wagon. When I got there, there
was no one there.

I knocked on the door and no one came. The wooden door was open and there
was no screen door. I walked on in. It was hot inside, but since it was
late afternoon it was sort of dark, too. I took the basket back and put it
on the kitchen table. I decided that I might as well unload it since I had
to take it back with me. I pulled out bowls of squash pie, fresh green
beans with little potatoes and fatback in them and a bowl of fried
okra. There were two sweet potato pies, a platter of fried chicken with a
bowl of milk gravy to go with it. Oh, yes, there was another bowl of mashed
potatoes, a platter of lettuce and tomatoes already sliced up and a huge
onion that still had to be peeled and sliced. While I was putting stuff
away, I noticed that there was not much food in the house. They had a bag
of corn meal and one of grits. I saw some lard and some fat back grease,
but there was not even a bag of flour. There were a few jars of jelly and a
few cans of vegetables that Aunt Elizabeth had brought from the farm. About
that time, the mill whistle blew to indicate that it was fifteen minutes
before the next shift began. I went out and sat on the back steps still
wondering where the two younger girls were. I heard some giggling. It was
coming from under the house, which was high off the ground in the back. A
man who looked like he was grown was pulling his pants up and pushing his
shirt in as best he could while he was bent over under the house, obviously
getting dressed. Both my little cousins were lying on a quilt that they had
spread out on the ground. Neither one of them had anything on. The man
pulled some coins out of his pocket and threw them on the quilt. I heard
him tell them to be sure to keep their mouths shut. I was shocked, but I
did not say a thing.

When he came out from under the house, I saw that it was a boy that I knew
who had dropped out of school a few years before. He was at least
twenty-one or twenty-two. He spoke to me and smiled as he turned and went
into the house next door. My two cousins came crawling out from under the
house. The smallest one, who was about nine, looked like she had been
crying. The other one, who was about eleven, was smiling and spoke to me
when she drug the other little girl over to the water pump to clean her
up. I told them that I had brought food from Mrs. Rose. They were overjoyed
and said that they had not eaten all day. Just then the next whistle at the
mill blew. It was loud. No one on the mill hill could ever sleep through
that whistle. I even heard it living at Mrs. Rose's house up town, but not
like it was right here on the mill hill. The two girls scurried around the
house and sat on the front porch waiting for their mother. I walked around
and sat with them. The only thing that the oldest girl said was, " Please
don't say nuthin', Cuzzin' Toby, hit's jist a liddle more money then we'd
have. Hit's a way I kin git me and her sump'n to eat ta'marrer when they's
hat work." I thought about it, and thought it was not right but what good
would it do to say anything.

It was about ten minutes later that Uncle Walter, Aunt Elizabeth, Jerry and
the two oldest girls slowly came up the street. They each one looked as
though they were dragging the rest of the world behind them. It looked like
they had all aged ten or twenty years. They had all lost weight. There were
black circles around Aunt Elizabeth's eyes, and Uncle Walter was
coughing. Jerry's pants were sliding down on his hips. He had never been
fat, but now he had no meat on him a-tall. It made me so sad to see them
having to live this way. We went inside and I got the plates and flatware
out for them to eat. I put it all on the table. The girls went out and
milked the cow while I was heating everything up. Jerry was washing up
outside. Aunt Elizabeth was sitting at the table just staring blankly at
what I was doing. Uncle Walter was stretched out on the floor in the living
room and snoring already. When Jerry came back in I told him to sit down, I
would get everything ready. By the time the girls got back I had all the
food on the table. One of the girls got Uncle Walter up and we all sat down
to eat. There was no conversation. They ate like they had not eaten in
days. I watched as a heaping platter of chicken disappeared. The girls were
eating as much as Jerry was. When it was finished, I was afraid that they
would be sick. There was little left to put away. I told them that since we
had not heard from them that Mrs. Rose was really worried. They said that
they were just too tired to walk over to town by the time that they got
home. They had not gotten paid yet so they did not have money to buy any
groceries and what they was on hand when they moved was gone by now.

After I had everything cleaned up and Mrs. Rose's dishes back in the
basket, Jerry and I went down to put what little was left in the slop for
the hogs. They were looking pretty thin as well. He and I sat in the privy,
and he told me about working in the mill. They had started him sweeping the
floors, but now he was learning to doff the bobbins in the spinning
room. He said that he would be making a penny more, once he was good at
it. I asked him what there was to do around the mill hill. He said he had
not done much, but the guy next door had been talking to him about sex
things. I asked him if they had done anything. Not yet but he thought that
the guy would. He was older and still lived with his parents. I told him
what I had seen that afternoon. Jerry laughed and said that he was glad the
girls were making some cash. He was not going to have any until the next
Thursday. I asked him what time the mill store closed. It was opened until
eight o'clock. I asked him if he wanted to walk over there with me. We
did. Once I got there I bought some fat back, some bacon, flour and baking
powder and a dope for each of us. I asked the man who was behind the
counter about cheese and meat. He said that he had put it in the cooler but
that if I wanted some he would pull it back out. I told him that I wanted a
couple of pounds of cheese. Jerry said that they had eggs and milk and that
one of the neighbors would give them some vegetables. I asked the man what
was the best buy he had on meat. He said that he had a bunch of pork chops
that he needed to get rid of. I asked him how much a pound. He said that he
did not know how many pounds were there but I could have all of them for a
quarter. I told him to wrap them and that cheese up. We took it all back to
Aunt Elizabeth's. She started crying and telling me that I should not have
spent my money on them. I told her that was partial payment for the summers
that I had spent on the farm. I sure did not want to see my kinfolk
starve. If it ever got that bad again they were to send Jerry or one of the
girls to Mrs. Rose's and one of us would do something to help.

I packed up everything and decided to go on back. I sure did not want to
walk by the hanging tree in the dark, but I was tired and did not feel like
walking the long way. Jerry and I did not do anything that night. We could
have when we were in the privy, but he was too tired. I had things to
do. We could do it some other time.

We never did.

It was later that same month, while I was hanging out reading the
advertising and looking at the back and white stills for the movie playing,
that Alan came up to me and asked me if I wanted to see the show. I told
him that I was going Friday night, but could not afford to go tonight. He
told me not to worry. He led me over to the ticket window. Alan's mother
was the woman that sold the tickets. She sometimes took up the tickets
after she finished selling them. Then she went upstairs to where they had
the projectors. Alan pulled me over to the window.

"Ma, 's alright if'n Toby come to the show with me?"

"Sure. How you doing Toby? How's Mrs. Rose?" Alan's mother asked me.

"Fine. Mrs. Rose's is doing pretty good. She don't like this weather none."
I said to be polite.

"Well, come on." Alan said pulling me away from the ticket booth.

"Thank you, ma'am," I said politely.

Alan was almost two years older than I. His sister was in my class at
school, but I had never really been around him too much. He sort of scared
me. Everybody said that he was really wild. He sometimes worked at the beer
joint, which was a cafe that sold beer. People called it a beer joint. He
was tall and slender. Alan had sort of long dirty blond hair and a dark
complexion. I thought that he was sexy, but I would never try anything with
him. He was one of the boys that forced me to do things in my jack-off
fantasies. When we got into the theater, he grabbed me by the shoulder and
directed me into the back row of seats. It was the early movie so there
were not a lot of people there. Not only that but it was a Wednesday, and
most of the people in town went to their prayer meetings on Wednesday
night. There were no other people sitting on that row, I stopped about half
way into the row. Alan just shoved me on to the seat against the
wall. There were lights about every three rows down the side of the
theater. They were like wall lamps with dim bulbs in them. It was not
bright enough to make a difference while watching the movie but gave enough
light that you could see where you were going. There was no light on the
back row and the one three rows ahead was screwed out because this was the
area where the couples that wanted to make out sat.

The newsreel played; then the comedy cartoon. Then the coming attractions
or previews came on. I got a hard on watching Errol Flynn in the previews
for "Robin Hood". Then the movie started. Alan had not said anything the
whole time we had been watching I felt his leg push against mine a couple
of times. I did not think anything about it since the seats were pretty
cramped together and there was not a lot of room between one aisle and the
other. Then I felt his knuckles against my leg. He had his hand on his
knees and was pushing against mine. First, it was like a one and two. Then
he paused and did it again. I thought that he might be trying to signal me
about sex. I was not sure, but I suspected that was what the bumping was
about. I bumped him one and then two, just like he had done me. Then he
stretched his legs out in front of himself and slipped down in the seat. He
bumped me again with his knuckles and when I returned the bump against his
leg I bumped into his hard peter. He grabbed my hand and held it on his
hard cock. I started squeezing it trough his pants. Alan took my hand and
moved it up and down on his peter. In other words, I was jacking him off in
the movies. I sat there and tried to watch Bette Davis while my hand was
jacking Alan off in the seat next to me. Alan had his right leg folded up
and pressed against the seat in front of him. No one that came down the
aisle could see what we were doing. Since all the lights were out in that
section, you could only see the upper parts of our bodies when the movie
was really bright. My peter was hard as a rock. It hurt. Since I was
jacking him off, he should at least do the same for me. I pulled his hand
off the armrest and into my lap. He jerked it back like he had been
shot. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I ain't queer, but I don't
mind letting you play with it."

I was angry. I pulled my hand away from his peter. He grabbed it an' pulled
it back. He was leaning back onto my side of the armrest again. " Come
on. Don't be that way. Ever'body knows you suck cock. Here."

I heard him as he pulled the zipper on the front of his pants down. My face
was scarlet. I assumed that people could see it in the dark. I was so
ashamed. What did he mean that everyone knew that I sucked cock? He pulled
my hand back onto his naked peter. It was big. I have no idea what happened
to me but the next thing I realized, I was on my knees in the aisle with
Alan's peter in my mouth. I was giving him a blowjob just like any
whore. My pay was a free movie. Tears were running down my eyes. He groaned
really quietly and shot off in my mouth. There was nowhere to spit it, so I
swallowed it. It was not the first time I had swallowed cum. I had eaten
Eric's and Jerry's and Drayton's, and now Alan's. I hated myself for being
this way. I crawled back into my seat and finished watching the movie.

After the movie was over, the light came on. Alan reached over and wiped my
face with his finger. I guess some of his cum was on my chin. "You okay?"
he asked me.

"Yeah. I reckon."

"Was the movie that sad you had t'cry?" he asked me.

"Naw. I just get real sad watchin' movies I guess."

"C'mon and we'll walk home," he pulled me after him.

I did not want to walk home with him. I did not want to ever see him
again. He had a nice peter and his cum tasted okay, but I just did not want
to be treated like a whore. I wanted something in return. Everybody that I
had been with always did something to me. Either they jacked me off or
sucked me. He made me feel trashy. We turned the corner and started down
Elm Street to Mrs. Rose's house.

"Can you get 'n th' house without her knowin'?" Alan asked me.

"Yeah. Why?"

"How you do it?"

"I just go through the window in my room," I told him.

"That's great. You got any Vaseline?"

"What?"

"I asked you if you had any Vaseline. I hear you like to get fucked too. I
got a big peter. Don't you like it?"

"Alan, I don't know who's tellin' y'all all'a this shit 'bout me, but I
ain't no whore."

"Nobody said you wuz a whore. They said you wuz queer. I know you are after
that blow job back thar."

The tears were stinging my eyes. "I, I . . .  Fuck you, Alan. You think you
can take me to a free picture show and then fuck me. Ever'body I ever done
anything with always done sumpin' for me in return. I ain't used to havin'
sex like this when I ain't having sex too."

I was trying to explain it, but my tongue was getting tied up. I was
angry. I was hurt. I guess if the truth were known I was really horny and
did want Alan's peter up my ass. He followed me around to the back of the
house. I hoisted myself up onto the frame of the window so that I could get
into my room. Alan pushed me through by placing his hands on my butt cheeks
and squeezing them. I did not stop him when he pulled himself up and into
my room. I started to turn on the light and he stopped me. He pulled me
down on the bed next to him and started taking off my clothes. "Where's the
Vaseline?" he whispered in my ear. I reached under the pillow and brought
the bottle out.

"Damned, you were ready," Alan said as he slipped his pants and drawers
down around his ankle. He smeared some Vaseline on his peter and gave it a
couple of good tugs. It was already hard again. Then he pushed my legs up
over my head. I had a foot at each ear. No one had ever fucked me from the
front before. There was enough light from the moon so that I could see what
was happening. I felt him push against my hole. I did nothing. Then I
thought what the hell. He is going to fuck me anyway, so I might as well
enjoy it. I relaxed and he slipped all the way into me with one push. His
pubic hairs were against my butt. I could look him in the eyes as he
started pumping into me. I started playing with my own peter. He was
hitting my prostate on every other thrust forward. I was shaking it felt so
good. Then he threw me the bone, so to speak. Just when he was about to
shoot his load into my ass, he grabbed my cock out of my hand and jacked me
really roughly. I shot off all over my stomach and onto my chest and
chin. I could feel him unloading his cum up my ass. We both were panting as
he pulled slowly out of me.

I reached under my pillow and pulled out a towel that I kept there to clean
up with. He chuckled as I cleaned his peter off for him. Then I started
cleaning myself up.

"Don't you ever tell anyone that I jacked your dick," Alan whispered. "I
mean it. I'll beat the shit out of you if you ever tell anybody."

"Don't worry. I won't tell nobody nothin' and don't you either," I told
him.

"I know but people know you're queer. I don't want people thinkin' that
jest cause I cornhole you that I am too." It went on that way for the rest
of the fall and winter. Mostly, I got to go to the movies that I wanted to
see for free. I never did anything else with Alan in the theater. He'd just
tell his mama that I wanted to see a movie. I'd go to the movie and she
would just tell the usher to let me in. Finally, it got to where the usher
did not even ask me for a ticket. I did not see Alan but a couple of nights
a week. He would show up. Screw me -- or corn hole me, as he said. We never
talked. He'd get off and was gone.

In the spring Jerry joined the army. We all went to the depot to watch him
leave. Even Mrs. Rose went down to tell him goodbye. I had the strange
feeling that would be the last time any of us would see him. I shook his
hand just before he got on the train to leave. His hand was cold.

Sometime in June, I was sitting in the swing on the front porch of
Mrs. Rose's house. There were lots of horns honking and shouting coming
from the ARP church. The car rolled past the house. I knew whose it was. It
was Alan's old roadster. It had cans tied to the bumper of the car. "Just
married" was scrawled across the side in white paint. He was sitting there
with one arm around his new wife and driving with the other. He did not
even look up to see if I were anywhere around. Why should he? I was just
someone to "cornhole" till he found a real girl. I felt the hot tears
running down my face. I did not love Alan. And then it started. I broke
down there in the swing crying. Bawling like a child. I cried because of my
Daddy leaving me. I cried because Drayton left me. I cried for Jerry and
Eric. I hated Alan. He made me feel so cheap. He made me feel like dirt,
but I had to have loved him to be crying like I was. I sat there and cried
until it was all out. "To hell with you, Alan," I said under my breath as I
shut the book I was reading and went in the house.


please send mail to carsoncarruthers@yahoo.com