Date: Sat, 30 Jan 2016 01:28:38 +0000 (UTC)
From: JoshRJosh
Subject: Gay male incest  A brother's love (2) part 21

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A Brother's love (2)    part Twenty-One


(Please forgive the typing errors.  I haven't had time to proofread this or
the next part.  I'm sending in two parts to Nifty and asking them to hold
one for a few days.  I'm going to be away for two weeks.  Traveling for
work and then my boyfriend/partner/someday husband will join me so we can
go someplace special for Valentine's Day.  So, I spent the last three days
trying to get two parts done.)

We got into bed.  "If Granddad is with you when you tell them, nothing too
terrible can happen." David said.

Silence

"You still what to tell them, right?"

I said, "You know I want to, I really do and I'm going to do it."

"But?"

"It makes me sad and I don't know why."

"They're our parents.  You're about to be an orphan."

I was shocked by the word.  Tears filled my eyes.  I said, "You feel like
am orphan?"

He glanced at me.

"Fuck, David.  I hadn't thought about it like that."  A sudden and intense
sadness set in.  Tears burned at my eyelids.  "It's not fair.  It's just
not fair."

As is always the case, David fell asleep quickly and I lay awake.  Orphan,
orphan, I kept trying to wrap my mind around the word and its meaning.
David lay on his side facing me.  I looked at him sleeping.  Fuck, I said
to myself, he's an orphan.  I'm going to be an orphan.

First I fell into a deep sadness, then anxiety and then I was angry.  Very
angry.  I got up.  David sat up and looked at me.  I stared at him.  "Why
aren't you angry?" I said.

"What?  Angry about what?"

"Orphan.  They made you an orphan.  I'm going to be an orphan."

He turned and put his feet on the floor.  "I broke the rules and he's an
unforgiving asshole and Mom is to pathetic to stand up to him."

"He disowned you because you fucked some girl.  Are you fucking kidding
me?" I growled.  "And you're not angry.  Fuck.  And what about me.  I
didn't choose to be gay.  I didn't choose to be attracted to guys.  It came
with this body," I said and slapped my chest, "with this brain," I said
smacking my head.  "It's who I am."

"I know."

I paced around the room.  "Fuck.  I hate him.  I fucking hate him.  And
you're just so okay with it."

"I'm not okay with it.  I think he's an asshole."

I walked into the living room and paced.  He followed me.  "Josh, what's
going on?"

"I'm angry.  God, I want to punch him out.  I want to fucking punch him
out."

"Okay.  Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down.  It's not fair.  You're an orphan because you
were fucking a girl and I'm an orphan because I'm gay.  What the fuck is
with that?"

"Are you angry at me?"

I stared at him.  "Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're not angry at him.  Because you forgive everyone.  Because
you, you, I don't fucking know why I'm angry at you.  I just want you to be
angry."

"I am.  I'm sad and I'm angry and sometimes scared.  But then I realized I
have Granddad and Grandma and you.  Josh I have you and Dad doesn't.  If I
had a choice I'd take you and them over Dad any day.  So I guess I just
thank God that I have what I have.  And you have me."

I stared at him.  My anger melted into sadness.  Tears filled my eyes.  I
shook my head.

"Josh, You have me.  You have Granddad and Grandma.  I know it doesn't make
not having parents who love you any better, but you will always have me."

I began to cry.  "It's not fair."

He held me.  "I'm sorry I used the word orphan."

"David promise me we'll always have each other."

"Absolutely.  Nothing.  I promise you nothing will ever turn me against
you.  I swear."

"Me too," I said.

We went back to bed.  He pulled me close to him and pulled my head to his
chest.  "I'm sorry," I said.

"For being angry?"

"No.  I don't think I really got what it was like for you."

"Stop doing that.  And stop apologizing to me.  You can't know what it's
like unless it happens to you.  And you've been perfect through this.  My
perfect baby brother," he said and chuckled.  My baby brother."

"Fuck you."

He laughed.  "Tomorrow."

Saying goodbye and flying home was tough again.  I counted the days over
and over.  Aaron picked me up.  He had asked me to call him and let him
know how telling my grandparents went.  We talked several times while I was
away.  "You must be glad it's over," he said.

"Yeah.  You know, I've always known they're cool, but I can't even explain
how cool they were.  You had to be there.  I mean I thought they'd act okay
when I told them, but they were really okay."  I told him about them being
with us on campus.  "I guess I'm lucky."

He glanced at me.  "I guess you are in a way.  You have me as your friend."
He smiled big.

"Yeah, because who else would pick me up from the airport."

He laughed and nodded.  "I missed you."

I glanced at him.  He blushed.  "You're all red," I said.

"Shut up."

"I missed you too."  We drove for a while.  "We're going to have to be
really careful.  I can't get caught."  I explained to him that my father
went through all my stuff over Christmas.

"Fuck.  What an asshole."  He glanced at me.  "Sorry."

"He's not an asshole.  He's a fucking asshole."

"Maybe we shouldn't do stuff on Wednesday nights."

"That should be okay.  They know I go for a run and they know you go with
me.  Actually, my mother is happy you go with me.  You know to protect me
from muggers."

We looked at each other and laughed.  "Me protect you," he said.

"I want to tell your parents."

"Sure.  Whenever you want."

Mr. and Mrs. Hill were in the kitchen when Aaron and I returned from our
run that Wednesday.  Of course there were `Josh's' cookies ready.  I sat at
the counter.  Aaron stared at me.  His mom asked about my visit.  Aaron
said, "Mom.  Dad.  Josh has something to tell you."

They both looked at me concerned.

I said, "When Aaron told me he was gay, I told him that I was also."

"You are?" Mr. Hill said.

I nodded.  "David knows and Aaron knows.  Of course my parents don't know
and they can't find out until after I graduate."

Mrs. Hill walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulder.  "Honey,
you have a place here.  God forbid he finds out and shit happens, you come
right over here."

"Thank you," I said and sighed.  "I wanted to tell you sooner, but I wanted
to tell my father's parents first."

Mr. Hill asked about that and I explained how it went and that I had no
doubt they wouldn't tell my parents.  "Well, like my wife said, you've got
a place here."

Mrs. Hill said, "Could you ask David to stop by.  I'd love to see him."

I smiled and nodded.

Mrs. Hill said, "I can't tell you how comforting it is to me that you two
are friends."

"Okay Mom, don't get all mushy."

We continued to run on Wednesday nights and take time to jerk off.  I found
that I really looked forward to it.  Sean asked to blow me.  I told him
that I couldn't believe I was turning him down, but I worried that my
father would catch on.  He seemed more disappointed than I.

I did go to the prom and I went without a date.  Sean asked a girl friend
of his to accompany him.  Aaron, Devon and a few of our friends and I went
without dates.  I danced most of the night.

Finals came quickly.  I wasn't sweating them, but I was the kind of person
who had to do well whether it counted or not.  Aaron and I studied in my
room.  This time we kept our cocks in our pants.  As the day of my
graduation approached I started losing sleep.  I was nervous.  I had talked
to my grandfather several times and he had talked to David.  We agreed that
David's plan would work the best.  Jamie and Tyler agreed to help, each
bringing their cars.

"You going to let him blow you," I asked.

"Yeah.  He wants his cousin there."

"Tyler?  Why?"

"He's always wanted to blow Tyler, so he wants him there."

"Is Tyler going to be there?"

"I talked to him.  He said that if I let Jamie blow me he'd let him blow
him."

"Fuck, what's going on with Jamie?"

"I think he's gay.  Actually, Tyler is sure he's gay but refusing to accept
it.  He said that Jamie has been after his cock for years."

"So why now?"

"He said he didn't want to give head to Jamie and was sure that's what
Jamie would want, but that if I was going to say no, then he'd feel okay
with getting head and saying no."

"You know, I'm sure Jamie will be fine with that.  He'll get on his knees,
ask you guys to fuck his face while her jerks off."

"That's cool with me."

My mother's parents and my father's parents arrived.  They usually stayed
in the same hotel, but my father's parents said they wanted to stay
elsewhere.  So they made their own reservations and reserved a room for
David.  Everyone arrived at our house for a lunch my mother had prepared.
I couldn't eat a thing.

My feelings were all over the place Ð sad, angry but mostly scared.  The
plan was to come home after dinner and have a celebration cake for Sarah
and me that my grandfather ordered.  I had driven to the bakery earlier
that morning and picked it up.  The cake had written on it, Congratulations
Sarah and Joshua.  I told my grandfather that it should read, `Dad I'm
gay. Joshua'.

Graduation was long.  We had a large class.  All of us who were friends sat
together.  Aaron sat beside me.  We were all graduating with high honors Ð
4.0 or greater.  He kept glancing at me and the phone in my hand. I was
holding my phone, which was on vibrate, because David, Jamie and Tyler were
now in my house packing my stuff.  If he had any questions he was going to
text me.  He was also going to text me when he was done.

I followed Aaron onto the stag and received my diploma.  As was the custom,
all the guys on the swim team cheered for me as would I cheered for them.
I lifted both my hands above my head, turned to the audience and smiled.

David text messaged me.  They were out of the house.

At the end of graduation the place went wild.  We marched out and then
grabbed each other and hugged.  High school was over.  Living at home was
over.  I looked at Aaron.  He said, "Call me when you're at the hotel.
I'll be thinking about you all night."

We went to dinner.  It was uncomfortable to say the least.  Maybe it was
the anticipation of what was to come.  My granddad and grandmother were on
edge.  Of course, my father had little to say and my mother said nothing.
Mostly my mother's parents talked about how proud they were of Sarah and me
and asked about college.

Sarah had resisted my parents' wishes to go to a Christian college.  Like
most of her friends, including Paul who she was still dating, she was going
to State.  She and a girlfriend had decided to room together.  Aaron and I
were given our room assignments.  We had a double room, which is what we
requested, but it was not in the same dorm as Matt.

At the house, my mother made coffee and put out the cake.  She handed the
knife to Sarah and me.  We made the first cut.  The cake was good, but I
only ate a small bite.  I wasn't sure when or how to make my announcement,
but I knew I would as soon as everyone was done with their cake.  I didn't
want to completely spoil this for Sarah.

We began moving the dirty dishes and cups to the kitchen.  My granddad and
grandmother kept glancing at me.  Standing in the kitchen, my mother's
father asked Sarah what she was going to do with her summer vacation.  She
had found a job at the mall.  I felt my stomach churn.  I knew the next
question would be for me.  "How about you?" he asked me.

I moved away from my father and toward my granddad.  He moved so that he
was between us.  "Ah, actually."  I sighed, staring at my father.  "I'm
going to be asked to leave the house.  So, I'm going to UX and live with
David until school starts."

Everyone looked at me.  My grandfather said, "Leave?  Why?"

"Because I'm gay," I said staring at my father.

He turned crimson and then charged at me.  My granddad stepped in front of
him.  My dad slammed into him so hard he knocked him backward and he began
to fall.  In a split second I had to decide whether to charge out the
kitchen door or grab for my granddad.  Instinctively, I grabbed my granddad
and broke his fall.  But by then my father was at me.  As I grabbed my
granddad my father backhanded me across the face and lined up to hit me
again.  My grandmother screamed, "Your father.  Help your father," to my
father.  But he hit me again.

I had my granddad on his feet.  My father had me by the shirt.  My
granddad, now standing, shoved my father hard.  I screamed, "Hit me again
and I'll beat on you bad," I said making two fists.  ""Go ahead, lay a hand
on me."

My granddad stood tall in front of my father.  "You touch that boy and I'll
take you down.  How dare you?"

"He's my son.  I'll"

My granddad yelled, "You're my son.  You put your hands on me.  You put
your hands on me.  You bastard.  You put your hands on me."

My dad was shaking.  "You were in my way."

"You won't forget the day you put your hands on me or that boy.  How dare
you?"

My father turned to me.  I was shaking and ready to take a swing at him if
he stepped toward me.  "Get out of my house.  Never.  Never come back.  You
are dead to me."

"That was my plan," I said.

My mother cried out, "Joshua."

At the door, I turned and said to her, "Call me if you want."  I glared at
my father and said, "I despise you and everything you stand for just as
much as you despise me.  And you are dead to me."  I walked out.

I sat on the fender of my granddad's car and listened to yelling coming
from my house.  It was my grandmother, yelling at my father.  I heard her
say, "You've failed as a parent.  Miserably failed.  Your children are
wonderful people, but you've lost both your boys."  I saw the kitchen door
open.  My grandfather had my grandmother by the arm but she was still
yelling.  "You should be ashamed of yourself."  I saw them step away from
the door and as they turned someone slammed it and hard.  My granddad
turned and stared at the door and then went back inside.  My grandmother
stood there.  I ran up and took her by the arm.  She was crying.  The
kitchen door was open and I heard my granddad say to my father.  "You
slammed the door on your mother?"

My father said, "You knew about this, didn't you?"

"Yes, I knew.  He told us in March."

"You encouraged this.  You encouraged him to be gay.  I knew it."

"Encouraged.  You think you encourage someone to be heterosexual or
homosexual.  You know you're mother is right.  You're a jackass.  I've put
up with you only because of your children.  Today will be the sorriest day
of your life.  Your boys are dead to you.  Then you are dead to me."

Silence.

My granddad walked out of the house and slammed the door so hard the small
window in it shattered.

I walked with my grandmother to the car.  My granddad was ten paces ahead
of me.  She was shaking.  I was shaking.  In the car, I said, "I'm sorry
that happened."

"Don't be," my granddad said.  "That had nothing to do with you."

"That's been coming for some time," my grandmother said.

"Are you okay?" I asked my granddad.

"I'm fine."  He glanced back at me.  "You could have saved yourself a
beating.  Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."  Tears filled my eyes.  "I was afraid you'd get hurt."

"I'm fine.  And thank you."

"Thank you."

"You're a good boy," my grandmother said to me.  She reached over and
touching my granddad's arm.  "You twisted when you were falling.  Is your
back okay?"

"I'm fine," he said again.

My face ached.

I called Aaron and told him what happened and that we were on the way to
the hotel.  I could hear that there were people at his house celebrating.
His family also came in for the graduation.

We arrived at the hotel.  David was waiting for us in his room.  When we
walked in, the number of boxes and bags surprised me.  David asked what had
happened.  I sat on the bed.  My grandparents sat in chairs.  We told the
story.

David looked surprised.  "Damn, I knew he'd go ballistic but he knocked you
down to get to Josh," he said to my granddad.

"I'm not surprised," my grandmother said.

My granddad said, "I've waited to tell you about this.  Maybe I should have
told you sooner."  David and I glanced at each other and then back at my
granddad.  He said, "When you're dad was in high school."

"He was a junior," my grandmother said.

"You're dad was on the football team and the track team.  He was fast."

"He was very popular at school," my grandmother added.  "And he had a
girlfriend.  I don't remember her name, but she was one of the cheerleader
girls."

My granddad said, "We took our camper, it was the end of summer.  We went
to the Grand Canyon with friends."

"We all had our own campers," my grandmother said.  "We took trips every
year, like we do now."

My grandfather stared at her.  She always interrupted him when he told
stories and it pissed him off.  David and I would talk about it and laugh.
He said, "We always took your father with us.  He hated those trips.
Anyway, we decided he could stay in town.  He said that football practice
was starting before school started."

My grandmother said, "He had several very good friends.  Boys he grew up
with.  They were all on sports teams.  But his best friend was a boy named
Robert.  He ran track."

My granddad said, "We told him he could stay but he'd have to stay at
Robert's house.  He said that Robert's parents were more than fine with
that.  Two days into the trip and your grandmother gets sick.  Stomach flu
or something.  So, we decide to come home.  When we got there, I was
surprised to hear music playing in the house.  It was ten o'clock at night.
Your father should have been at Robert's house.  The music was coming from
his bedroom.  As I'm walking toward his bedroom, I hear grunting."

My grandmother said, "He thought your father was in there with his
girlfriend.  You know having sex."

My granddad stared at her.  "His bedroom door was opened.  I walked in.
They were naked.  Robert was on top of your father.  You're father had his
legs wrapped around Robert.  Robert was having anal intercourse with your
father and they were kissing and so engrossed in it they never heard us
until I walked into his room.  Your father pushed Robert off of him.
Robert of course was shocked.  He jumped off the bed and covered himself
with his hands."

My grandmother said, "Thanks when I stepped into the room.  I didn't see
then fucking butt I knew what they were up to."

My granddad stared at her and shook his head.  "We stepped out of the
room," my granddad said.  "Robert dressed and left without saying a word.
We sat in the kitchen waiting for your father to come out of his bedroom
but he didn't.  So, I went in.  He was in his bed, covers over his head."

My grandmother said, "You have to remember this was back in the seventies.
Your father was about sixteen or seventeen.  Being gay wasn't as accepted
then as it is now."

"You know that I had been in the Marines.  Kids were being drafted then.
And, believe it or not, there were friends of mine in the Marines who were
homosexual.  No one talked about it, but everyone knew and most guys didn't
care.  I didn't care.  I told your father that what we walked in on was
clearly embarrassing to everyone.  I asked him if Robert's parents knew.
He shook his head."

My grandmother said, "We didn't talk anymore about it.  Maybe we should
have."

My granddad said, "School started a few weeks later.  I guess, Robert, his
best friend, tried to talk to him.  But your father wouldn't have anything
to do with him.  Your father started thinking that everyone at school knew.
That Robert told everyone.  He was sure his girlfriend was acting
differently.  I called Robert.  Needless to say he was afraid to sit down
with me, but he did.  I told him that I wasn't angry with him or your
father and that I understood that some men have these feelings.  He said
that it had been going on for over a year but that no one knew and he would
never tell anyone."

My grandmother said, "Your father got really paranoid."

David and I glanced at each other.

My granddad said, "Your father tried to kill himself.  He took a bunch of
pills.  We had to have him hospitalized."

"Like in a psych ward?" I said.

"Yes," my grandfather said.  "He was cracking up."

My grandmother said, "The doctors said it was like a nervous breakdown."

"When he got out," my grandfather said, "he refused to go back to school.
He said he couldn't face everyone.  He was sure everyone knew about what he
and Robert had done.  Actually, I don't believe anyone knew.  Robert
certainly wouldn't have told anyone."

"Your father pleaded with us to put him in a private school near where we
lived."

"Biggest mistake we made," my grandfather said.  "It was this Christian
high school."

"It was a small school," my grandmother said.  "A lot of private
attention."

"Your father got in with the wrong crowd.  It wasn't one of these crazy
Christian places where they make everyone quote the Bible.  But a bunch of
these kids, crazy if you ask me, had these Bible meetings.  They'd say the
Holy Ghost inspired them and they'd sit around and speak gibberish."

My grandmother said, "It's called speaking in tongues or something.  We
lost him there.  He went off the deep end with all that Bible stuff.  I
mean he'd quote it to us and tell us we were sinners and about Jesus coming
again.  And soon, real soon.  He became one of those kids that walks around
with a Bible all the time and spends weekends with his group of friends,
trying to convert people.  I couldn't wait for him to pack up his shit and
go to college.  I told your grandfather that if your father's plan was to
live at home during college, I was moving out.  Luckily, he didn't want to
spend any more time with us than I wanted to spend with him."

"Anyway," my granddad said, "he graduated college, went for his masters
degree and I don't think he ever dated.  Not that we knew of anyway.  He
was close to thirty when he met your mother at church.  They married.  When
David was born I had hopes that we all could be around each other and
remain civil.  But I think every time your father saw me, he remembered
that night and he knew that I knew it wasn't a one time thing.  He could
never look me in the eyes.  If we came to your house, he'd greet us and
then retreat to some room.  Well, then they had you and Sarah."

My grandmother said, "I can't tell you how excited we were.  Twins.  Your
mother needed help.  A lot of help.  And nothing against her parents, but
they were more than useless."

"I think it got to be too much for your father.  Like I said, he couldn't
look me in the eyes.  I think if I had screamed at him, threatened to throw
him out and condemned him for being homosexual, he would have been happier
with me.  But because I was okay with it.  Well, I don't think he could
ever forgive me."

"Forgive you?" I said.

"Yes.  That's the way it felt to me.  Like I encouraged him to be gay.
Like I had something to be ashamed of.  Like I had betrayed him."

"Damn," David said.

My grandmother said, "I liked Robert.  Your father should have stayed with
him.  But then we wouldn't have you."

"Do you know whatever happened to Robert?" I asked.  David shook his head.

My grandmother said, "Yes.  He got married to some girl, divorced and then
said he was gay.  We still know his parents.  He has a very nice man that
he lives with.  Same man for about fifteen years."

"Wow," David said.  "That explains a lot."

"Oh now what?" I said.  "You're going to do your `we need to understand and
forgive' thing.  I'm not forgiving him.  He's been a terrible father even
before all of this."

"No," David said, "Not forgive and no not so much understand him, but not
take his shit seriously."  He looked at my granddad.  "So, I get why he was
such an asshole about Josh being gay.  I mean he'd have to condemn it,
right?  But why flip out because I was messing with my girlfriend?"

"I don't know.  Maybe because you were so heterosexual at an age when he
was not."

My grandmother said, "Your father has to control everything, especially
sex."

David said, "Sure.  He had to be in control of his sexuality."

"Had to be," my grandmother said.  "Has to be still.  That's why he wants
to control yours."

David said, "Well, as far as we know he's done that."

My grandmother said, "Just because he fathered three children doesn't mean
he's still not homosexual.  It means they've had sex twice."

My stomach churned.

My grandfather looked around the room.  "How are we going to get all this
stuff in my car?"

My grandmother said, "Your father made choices for himself.  I guess that
was fine.  Your mother has stuck by him.  Maybe he's been a good husband.
But his choice to live the life he's living shouldn't have interfered with
your lives."

"Okay, I don't want to talk about him anymore.  Ever," my grandfather
growled.  "I'm with Josh.  Fuck him."

I chuckled.  My grandfather the Marine, I thought.

"I know," David said.  He said to me, "You should go through all of it and
get rid of what you don't want.  I just grabbed everything."

"We still won't get it all in," my granddad said.  "We'll have to rent a
U-Haul."

"How did you get your stuff there?" I asked.

"Tyler and Kevin drove me up.  Two cars."

I sat and thought.  "What if Aaron drives up? His mom has the Acura SUV.
You put that backseat down and it will hold a lot."

David looked at me.

I said, "He could spend some time with us.  You know, a few days."

He nodded.

I said, "He might have to stay in town though.  His grandparents came for
his graduation."

I called him.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked.

I explained what we were thinking.  "Could you do it, or do you have to
stay in town?"

"They're leaving tomorrow.  They've been here for a couple of days already.
Let me ask."

I said to my grandfather.  "He'd have to drive home alone.  I don't know if
his parents would be okay with that."

"Drive back with him.  When do you start your job?"

"Not for a week.  But then I'll have to get back."

"I'll get you a ticket.  It will be cheaper than renting a U-Haul and
leaving it there."

"Aaron," I shouted into the phone.

"Yeah?"

"I'll drive back with you and then fly back.  You won't have to drive
alone."

"Hold on."

I waited.

"So when do you want to leave tomorrow?"

I told him where we were and he said he'd join us for breakfast at the
hotel.  "Thank you," I said.  "You're the best."

"I know," he said and laughed.  "I was joking.  I didn't mean that."

"Shut up.  You are and you know it."

After my grandparents went to their room, David said to me, "I think we
should keep it hanging around naked and jerking off.  You know, like the
Bolts.  I don't like the idea of fucking him or blow jobs."

"Okay, that sounds good.  I'm sure he's going to bust a nut just looking at
you naked."



JoshRJosh@yahoo.com