Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2016 00:13:58 +0000 (UTC) From: JoshRJosh Subject: A Brothers Love (2) Part 28 This story belongs to JoshR. Copyright 2015. All Rights Reserved. Nifty.org is a great site and it is FREE and run by a dedicated person who gives of his time and energy. Please DONATE. Oh yeah, and thank you for the kind emails. They are very much appreciated. (Again forgive the typos. I just read 27 from the Nifty site.. UGH. So many mistakes. Sorry, but I can hold these for a few days and then read them over before I send them, or I can send them as soon as I'm done and have given it a quick read. But then I miss mistakes. I'm going with sending them out as soon as I'm done.) A Brother's love (2) part Twenty-Eight (It's a long one. Sorry) We waited for Aaron at the airport to arrive from home. The three of us took the shuttle back to school. I was working hard in my swim workouts and working out in the weight room with David and the other guys on the swim team. Then I'd go with Aaron and mostly spot for him. It gave us time to hang out since he was spending more time with Zack. Several times when I ran into Zack, I'd walk up to him and chatted. He was friendly enough, but seemed to have a hard time making eye contact. Again, I asked Aaron if Zack didn't like me. "No, not at all. He's very shy and I think feels intimidated my you." "Me?" Aaron shook his head and chuckled. "Josh, if we hadn't been friends before high school, I'm not sure I would have ever been able to reach out to you to be friends. As much as I might have wanted to, I'm not sure I could have." I shook my head. "I don't get it. What do I do?" "Nothing. You are the easiest person to be with, but if I didn't know you, I wouldn't know that." Finals were upon us. I had swim meets and was taking mostly second places and sometimes third place. But the coach said I was doing great. Of course, I knew what he was saying was, `for a freshman'. Expectations would be higher next year and the years to follow. As of yet, he did not put me in to race the butterfly. After one of my meets, just before finals, I saw Robert with Phil. After the meet, he and I made eye contact. He smiled and started walking toward me. I was with David and Tina and Aaron. I stepped away from them and walked toward Robert. "Hey," he said. "Hi." My cock moved in my pants. "You looked fantastic." "Thank you. You look pretty good too." He chuckled. "You know, I don't know about you, but finals make me horny as hell," he said and smiled. "I guess it's the stress." I nodded. I felt my face warm. "I'm free tomorrow night and so is my room." He smiled and nodded. "Sounds great. How about around eight? Then we can get some sleep here and there." I nodded. "I'll see you at eight." He started to step away but turned and said, "I know we talked about switching." I nodded. He whispered, "Would you mind not switching. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about that night. Can we do it again?" "Sure," I said in full blush. I walked back to David, Tina and Aaron, but Matt had joined them. Matt said, "He told me he was hoping you two could play again." I just stared at Matt. I glanced at David. David said, "Is that your bi-heterosexual guy. The one who bottomed." I sighed and nodded. Tina said, "They just come up and ask you to bed them?" I was back in full blush and didn't respond. She smiled at me. "Damn, Josh the stud. Good for you." Aaron said, "Tonight?" "No, tomorrow night." He nodded. Matt said to Tina. "He's an animal in bed." "Okay," I said. "Enough. I'm also a sweetheart in bed." Aaron said, "I'll say." Everyone looked at Aaron. "I mean I've heard." Tina said to me, "You are a sweetheart, but it's good to hear you've got that other side to you." We started to walk away and Matt said to David and Tina, "Jared said he had a hard time walking the next day." They laughed. Aaron looked at me and shook his head. I did spend the night with Robert. It was much like the first time, except we went at it twice, slept for five hours and then went at it again before Aaron came back to the room. After Robert left and after Aaron came back to the room he and I showered and went to breakfast. He said, "Did you sleep?" "Yeah." I stared at him. It was the way he said it that got to me. "What?" he said. "Does this bother you?" He sighed. "No. Well, maybe I shouldn't say anything." "What?" "They leave and we have breakfast and we nap." I stared at him. He sighed. "You don't seem happy, excited." I nodded and sighed. "I guess." I looked at him. "You don't seem all that happy or excited either." He shrugged. "What are you doing for Christmas?" "Well, David and I are going to my grandparents. After Christmas Tina is coming for a day and then she's taking David to her house to meet her parents." "Wow, it's getting serious." "I guess." "How about if after Christmas I drive to your grandparents' and then you and I drive to my house. My parents would love to see you. Then they'll drive us back to school." I stared at him. "What about Zack? I mean," "He's not meeting my parents. It's not like that." I sighed. "He's going to hate me." "He won't know if you don't tell him." The dorms were very quiet the week before finals. Aaron and I had two classes together and he decided we'd study for them together and without Zack. We closed ourselves in our room and hit the books hard. "I'm really nervous," he said. "Why? You did great on all your midterms." "Those were midterms. This feels too much." "We'll know this stuff better for the final than the midterm. I promise you." We went over everything. We decided that sleep was important. So we studied from morning until ten at night. Then it was massage time to relieve the stress Ð massage with a hand job at the end. After we finished each other off and we crawled into our own beds, he said, "I promise I'll give you plenty of room, but it would help me sleep if," I pulled my blankets back and said, "Get in. You're the one who is going to get kicked and pushed, not me. You know how I get when I'm stressed." He got in bed. We cuddled up against each other naked and fell asleep. After his last final, he spent a day and a night with Zack. We were waiting for David to be done with his finals. Then the three of us took the shuttle to the airport and headed out. Christmas was great. David and I shopped for my grandparents' gifts. Then I shopped alone for his, Aaron's and Aaron's parents' gift. We baked Christmas cookies with my grandmother, put up a tree and lights around the house. Christmas was the best family holiday we ever had. Tina did come to get David. Aaron came the next day. He spent the night. Without asking, my grandmother opened the sofa bed for him. I thought to tell her that he and I slept together, but Aaron said it would probably confuse her. Lying in bed, I thought about the fact that he and I massaged each other, masturbated each other and slept together. It felt so natural, but I thought it confused me too. But, confusing or not, I didn't want to give it up. Aaron and I drove to his home. It was strange being back in the city where I lived. I felt my anxiety level rise as we pulled into town. "Will you see Sarah?" Aaron asked. "I did talk to her. Actually, she called my grandparents for Christmas and we spoke. I told her I was coming here. She's going to call me so we can meet up for coffee." It was great seeing Aaron's parents. They decided to have another big dinner for the holidays, but on New Years' Day. We exchanged Christmas gifts, ate Josh's cookies, had pies and talked about school. When it was time to turn in, Aaron said, "The Jacuzzi is hot." His parents went to their bedroom. Aaron and I undressed and headed outside. "You're parents are great." "Yeah. I mean they're parents you know. I mean they're great but they can be a pain in the butt too." "Compared to mine?" "Yeah, I know, but just don't think it's all wonderful. I mean I love them, but." "No I get it." "I think we should think about moving off campus next year." I stared at him. "I talked to my parents. They're not hot on the idea. They think the only reason I eat well is because of the food in the commons." I chuckled. "It's the worst." "I know. Anyway, I kind of told them that you were thinking about moving off campus. That made them think. Anyway, I think we should get a one bedroom, like David has." "I'll have to talk to my grandparents, but I'm sure they'll be okay." "Doesn't your scholarship pay for housing?" "It won't be enough." I thought about what my grandmother said, `he adores you'. I thought about what David said, `He's in love with you'. I thought about what Aaron said, `Zack is jealous'. When we stepped up out of the Jacuzzi, I saw that Aaron had a hard on. We toweled up and headed to his room. I said, "I think we should make up the Futon for me." He turned and stared at me. "Why? You can sleep here." "I know," I said, glancing down at my erection. "So, we'll jerk off. Come on. I won't molest you." I chuckled. "Until you fall asleep." "I don't know." He sat on his bed. "What's going on?" he said. "You have a boyfriend. I just think," "He won't know. Besides, we sleep together all the time." I sighed. I was feeling horny, but in a different way. Maybe it was being surrounded by his family. Maybe it was the holidays. Maybe it was being back in town. But what I was feeling was a desire to kiss and make love to someone, to be passionate and crazy. And at that moment Aaron was the first and maybe only person on my list. It scared me. "Is this about us getting an apartment? Is it something you want to do? Get an apartment?" I looked at him thinking. He added, "With me?" "Aaron, if I were going to get an apartment with someone, it would be with you." He stared at me. "What's up?" "I don't know." I sighed. I looked at him. "We don't have to decide now about the apartment." "You're thinking about living in the dorms with something else?" "Maybe it would be best if we both got singles." He stared. His entire demeanor changed. "Did I do something wrong?" "Fuck, Aaron. Absolutely not. You are the perfect roommate, friend." "Then what's going on?" I sighed. "I don't know. Just stupid stuff I guess." "Can we talk about it?" "I just get scared." "Of what?" Neither of us had a hard on anymore. "I don't know." I shook my head. "Aaron, I just get confused and scared about our friendship. I don't want to fuck it up." "I don't want that either, but it doesn't scare me because I know that won't happen. You're not going to fuck it up and I'm not going to fuck it up." I sat down on his bed beside him. I looked at him. "Sometimes I think I could. I'm not sure how, but sometimes I really think I could." Silence. "I don't get why you do this shit to yourself." He stared at me and then sighed. "Maybe I do. You want me to make up the Futon?" I stared at him, sighed and then nodded. He got up, got sheets a blanket and pillows from the closet. We went into the other room and made the bed. I said, "Are you angry?" "No. Confused, but I want you to be comfortable." "Do you still want to jerk off?" "I'm going to jerk off. I can jerk off with you or alone in my room." "Stay here." He sighed and sat down. I said, "Lie down on your stomach." He did. I straddled his legs and began massaging his back and shoulder. "I know I'm weird sometimes, but," "You are weird sometimes, but that's okay. It's just that sometimes I don't understand you." "I'm complicated," I said and chuckled. "I'd say sometimes you're a pain in the butt." Silence. Then he laughed. "I guess that's literally and figuratively." I slapped his ass hard. He laughed. "That turned me on." I laughed. I massaged him and then jerked him off. He massaged me and then jerked me off. He cleaned me up and got up to go to his room. I said, "Sleep here?" "Ah, my bed is a lot more comfortable." I looked at him. He sighed and lay down. "Complicated is putting it mildly." I chuckled. I did see Sarah. We had lunch together. Walking in I was dreading seeing her, but when I did and she began to cry and threw her arms around me, I just lost all my apprehensions. I've always hated that about myself. "Josh, it's miserable there." "It's always been miserable." "I know, but I never had anything to compare it with. I like being at school. Being back I feel like I'm slowly drowning but never drowning. Like I'm being smothered by this weight of stress and tension and," she sighed. "Misery all dressed up in God loves us." She nodded. "Grandma said you had a great Christmas." I nodded. "How's David? Grandma says his girlfriend is wonderful. I wish I could meet her." "Sarah, David is more than open to that. You're just going to have to make the effort." "You're staying with Aaron?" I nodded. She said, "You two boyfriends?" "No." "Really?" "How are you doing?" We talked for over two hours. I asked her about Paul. They were no longer together, but she had another boyfriend. I chuckled. "Yeah, I know," she said. "I was the good child." I nodded and laughed. She cried when we said goodbye. We agreed that we'd talk more often and she'd try to arrange meeting up with David, Tina and me. Everything went back to the way it had been when we got back to UX. Aaron and I had done very well on our finals. Again we had two classes together. He was spending more time with Zack, but he didn't seem happy. A couple of times I commented about it but he brushed it aside. Each morning we headed to the pool, then to breakfast. Each Friday night, Saturday and Saturday night he spent with Zack. Sunday nights Aaron and I had dinner with David and Tina. That left Friday and Saturday nights open for me to find something to do. David's and my schedule were more alike that semester. He and I had an hour break on Tuesday and Thursdays mid afternoon. We met in the grill and had coffee. We talked about how things were going with Tina. Great. And she and I were becoming good friends. They were heading to the beach for spring break and they wanted me to come. I wasn't sure. David kept insisting and made reservations for two rooms. Tina and David were going to Tina's home for a weekend and bring back a car. Then the three of us were driving to the beach. "Ask Aaron," David said. "Ah, he's probably going home or maybe he's doing something with Zack." "Well, ask him. Let him decide." "You know, he has a boyfriend. I mean if I had one, I'm not sure I'd be happy if he went off on spring break with his gay best friend." David just stared. "That's not for you to decide. He's a big boy. Besides, Tina says that she thinks that's going to be over." "What? How would she know that?" "They've had coffee a couple of times." I stared. "They ran into each other, talked." "He hasn't said anything to me." "Maybe he wants to talk to someone who has more distance from him as a friend. You know someone who he feels he can talk to without feeling like it might complicate things. Think about it." I sighed and nodded. "I'll ask about spring break." I asked Aaron about spring break. He said he wasn't sure and asked if he could keep it open. "The room is reserved. There's an empty seat in the car, so I don't see why not." I decided that instead of waiting for someone to ask me on a date, I'd be more aggressive. I asked Jared out. Again we went to a motel. I asked out Ben. And again we spent the night together. He told me that Kevin, a senior, was interested in me. Kevin and I went out to dinner and then to a motel. He was a total bottom, much like Robert. I was surprised when Eric, the swimmer bi-straight guy that David spent a night with asked me out. "Doing brothers?" I asked. He smiled. "Never did that before." We spent the night in my room. And then there was Connor. He would come by my room. If Aaron were there, he'd make it a short stay. If Aaron were out, he'd hang around, suggest we go for a snack and joined me in my room to study. And inevitably, while walking to or from the grill, he'd mention being gay. "Connor, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Right now I'm just having fun. Maybe you should start finding gay guys to," "Have fun with?" "Well, to meet, hang out with." "Could we have fun?" I felt that anxious, excited feeling. I knew this was coming and had been preparing myself with an answer. I was going to say no in a very nice and caring way. But my cock moved in my pants as we walked from the grill to my room. And it was a Friday night. "Fun? Like I said, I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm," "I'm not either. I've just never done anything. I've tried but," "You've tried?" "I went out with this guy last week. It got all fucked up." "Sorry." I thought to ask what he meant, but I decided that I didn't want to get drawn into any drama. We went to his room. I sat on his bed. He sat beside me. I said, "Are you sure about this?" "Very." He seemed very nervous and at a complete loss as to what to do. I wondered if we should talk about it all or if I should just start things off. "Are you keeping up with your trimming?" I asked. "Yeah." "Cool. Let me see." He smiled and nodded. He undressed. I stood and undressed. He had an erection. I didn't. I sat on his bed. He was about to, but I smiled and said, "No, turn around. Let me see your butt." He smiled, turned and pulled his cheeks apart. "Nice and smooth," I said. He sat beside me as I pulled on my cock. He reached over and put his hand on my semi-erect dick. I put my hand on his and gently ran my fingers over his cock head remembering how quickly he came last time. "I already jerked off." I nodded. I watched as he stroked my cock and I became erect. We made eye contact. I smiled at him. He smiled. I moved toward him. Our lips touched. And then his entire body began to shake. I sat back. I wondered if he was coming. He wasn't. He looked embarrassed. Tears filled his eyes and his body shook. "Connor, what's wrong?" He wrapped his arms around his chest, sat back and stared at the wall. He was breathing hard and shaking. "Fuck," he moaned. "Connor?" "Anxiety attack. The doctor said its anxiety. I've got to lie down." I moved. He lay on his bed. I sat beside him. He stared up at the ceiling. He said, "I thought maybe it wouldn't happen with you because we did stuff." "Jerked off?" He nodded. I put my hand on his chest. "Breathe," I said. "Swimmers get this sometimes." He looked at me. "I fucked this up again." "Just breathe and try to relax. You didn't fuck anything up." Slowly, he seemed to calm, but tears fell from his eyes. I said, "Can I lie down beside you?" He nodded. I cuddled up against him, put my arm over him and said, "I was nervous the first time, too." He looked at me. "It's not that. My parents are Pentecostals." My stomach sank. "Okay. Do they know you're gay?" "No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not going to heaven." "Connor." I was about to launch into my anti-evangelical speech. I sighed. "Connor, that's just what they think." "I know. I know and I don't think that. But that's how I was raised and last week I went out with this guy who I thought was great looking, not as good looking as you, but I was really attracted to him. I met him at the campus gay students meeting." He sighed. "When he kissed you this happened." "And he took me to the student health center because he thought I was having a heart attack." I smiled. "Anxiety." He nodded. "So, you thought that since you and I had jerked off." He looked at me and said, "Are you angry?" I chuckled. "No." He was lying down flat on his back. I was on my side resting on my elbow and I had one hand on his chest. I moved my hand down. I smiled at him. "You didn't get anxious when we jerked off." "I know. But I came right away." I put my hand on his cock. He was flaccid. "You anxious now?" He sighed and shook his head. With my hand on his cock I told him about my parents and how they dealt with David and me. "You're lucky you have your brother," he said. "My younger brother would agree with my parents." "That sucks," I said. "So, then you should make friends. You need friends." "I was hoping we could be friends." "We can be friends. Not boyfriends." He nodded. "And you should be friends with Aaron. He's a great guy." "Yeah, I know. He just seems so into you. I thought maybe he'd be jealous." "He's not jealous." I was not sure why, but I leaned down and kissed him. He sighed. His cock got hard. I pulled back. "Are you anxious?" He shook his head. I leaned down and kissed him again. Our tongues met. He moaned, reached to pull my hand away, but it was too late. He began to come. "Fuck," he groaned. I smiled. "Hey, that's better than having an anxiety attack. That' progress." "Damn," he said looking at the cum on his chest. He cleaned up and lay beside me again. I said, "Connor, don't stress. That's why you have anxiety." We talked for a while and then he kissed me. We kissed and pressed against each other. When I stopped thinking about him having an anxiety attack or coming, I started enjoying what we were doing Ð touching, kissing, licking, rolling around, thrusting against each other. Then to my surprise he went down on me. I lay back and watched as he mouthed my cock. I could feel the wetness of his mouth, but not much more. I said, "I won't come in your mouth." I put my hand on his head. I moved him up to me. "I'm going to give you head. Don't come in my mouth." "I promise." "Watch what I'm doing. See how it feels to you." I did what he did to me. I looked up at him. "Don't feel much?" He nodded. Then I gave him head for about thirty seconds, fearing he'd come. "See the difference." He went down on me. And with some instructions, he was getting pretty good at it. He sucked my cock, licked it from the head to my balls. He licked and sucked at my balls and then worked back to the head of my cock. I lay back and watched. "Do you want to make me come?" He looked up at me. "Can I keep doing this?" I smiled. "You enjoying yourself?" "Yes." He sucked me. I watched him. After about ten minutes, I said, "I'm getting close." "What do I do?" "Okay, when I say I'm close, you stop sucking me and jerk me off like last time." He worked my cock with his mouth. "I'm getting there." He kept sucking me. "I'm close," I said. He sat back and stroked my cock. I thrust upward as he stroked. My body went rigid. My legs shook and my abs tightened and I came. Shot after shot, exploded across my chest. One shot hit the pillow I was lying on, the rest landed on me. "Wow," he said. I chuckled. We cleaned me off. I said, "Okay, I'm going to give you head. You tell me when you're close." He nodded. It didn't take be a few minutes for him to come. After he came and we cleaned him off, we lay beside each other and kissed. "Thank you," he said. "Okay, so I don't think you say thank you to someone when you mess around." "What do you say?" "That was nice or I liked being with you, or nothing. Just kiss and touch and cuddle." "That was nice." I smiled and said, "You know Connor, you're a nice guy and you're good looking and you deserve to be happy." "The doctor said I should see a counselor. I signed up and have an appointed at student health." "Great." "Can I tell him about this?" I smiled. "Sure." I went to my room, undressed, toweled up and went and took a shower. Then I grabbed a book and crawled into bed. I fell asleep feeling weird, sad, anxious and lonely. My thoughts went to Aaron, wishing he was there and wanted to cuddle. Aaron kept not committing to spring break with us. Midterm exams came and went and spring break was days away. Aaron finally said he was coming with us. David and Tina showed up at the dorms. Aaron and I stuffed our stuff into the back of her parents' X5 BMW and off we went. "We'll get on the road," David said, "and then stop for lunch." A few miles onto the highway, Aaron said, "Zack broke up with me." David was driving. Tina was in the passenger seat. Aaron was sitting behind her and I was sitting behind David. I looked at Aaron. Tina twisted around to look at Aaron. David glanced back at him through his rearview mirror. I stared. Tina said, "Are you okay?" "Yeah, great." I stared. I said, "Great? How can you be great? You've been with him for what six months?" He said, "And that was five too long." I was shocked. "Aaron." He sighed. "I'm just pissed off. I'm glad it's over." Tina said, "He broke up with you or you set it up so that he would break up with you." Silence. I said, "What does that mean?" Tina said, "He knows what it means." Aaron said, "He was giving me shit about my major." Aaron was an English Lit major. He wanted to go to graduate school, maybe get a doctorate and teach and then write. "You're major?" I said. "What's wrong with your major?" "He said it's a long road and no future. He said I should be more practical. He said I'm wasting my parents money." I said, "They know what you're wanting to do." "Exactly." Tina turned around again and looked at Aaron. "That's the reason?" He sighed and glanced at me. Tina glanced at me and then turned back around. "What?" I said. Aaron said, "Let's just leave it at that." "What?" "He made me sleep with my underwear on because he didn't want me to dirty his sheets. I guess he thought I'd leave skid marks." Tina and David laughed. I just stared at him. He glanced at me. "When we had sex it had to be on a towel. And I'm still a virgin and so is he. He said he'd never do anal because it's dirty." Tina said, "But that's not new, is it?" I kept staring at Aaron. "He didn't want me to live with Josh anymore." "You broke up with him because of me?" "See that's why I didn't want to say. It wasn't because of you. It was because of him. He wanted to control everything and it was driving me nuts. I'm glad it's over." He sighed. He said to Tina, "You said I was being a coward about this. I guess I was." "What?" I said. Tina said, "Aaron and I talked about this before. He said he wasn't happy. I told him he should move on. He was too nervous about ending it." Aaron said, "I knew if I told him that I was getting an apartment with you, he'd get nuts." He stared at me. "I'm not getting an apartment with you so that he'd break up with me. You don't think that, do you?" "No." Silence. "Why did you stay with him so long?" I asked. "I've never broken up with someone." Silence. David said, "That was practice, Aaron. Everyone has to practice. Josh practices every weekend." Tina laughed. "Fuck you," I said. Aaron said, "Sometimes twice a weekend." "And fuck you too." Aaron said, "I refuse to talk about Zack again. If anyone asks anything I'm just not going to answer." He looked at me. I gave him the finger. We stopped for lunch and then on to the beach Ð sun and fun. We checked into our hotel, brought everything to our rooms and then got in the car, drove around to check things out, drove back to the hotel and walked to a restaurant for dinner. On the way back, Tina pulled Aaron back to walk with her. David and I walked ahead of them. "What's with them?" I said. "She's educating him on the ways of relationships. He needs to be able to talk to someone." "He can talk to me." "I think he needs a woman's perspective." "But this is about men." "Exactly." I rolled my eyes, shook my head and walked on. David and Tina went to their room; Aaron and I went to ours. We had two queen beds in our room. I threw myself onto one. I watched Aaron walk around the room. Then he came and stood beside my bed. I lay on my back looking up at him. "What?" I said. He put one knee on my bed and then straddled my body and sat on my legs. He stared at me. "What?" I said again. "I want to say something and I don't want you to speak until I am done." "What's this about?" "You know I don't ask a lot of you, do I?" I stared at him. "I'm asking you to listen to me and not speak. Can you do that for me?" I sighed. I was bordering on feeling anxious and angry. "Will you do that for me?" "Sure." I was angry. He sat there staring at the wall behind the bed. I said, "Well, are you going to say something?" "You said you wouldn't speak." "Yeah, well, am I supposed to read your mind?" "Forget it," he said, looking upset. He was about to get off me. I put my hand on his leg and said, "Just say what you want to say." "But you're angry already." I sighed. "Because I don't know what this is about." I took a deep breath. "I'm not angry. What do you want to tell me?" He stared at the wall again. I turned and looked at it. He saw me look and sighed and shook his head. "What?" I said. "I thought maybe it was written on the wall." "Asshole." I laughed. "I'm just teasing. Go ahead." He looked down at me. His expression was tense, serious maybe nervous. I was about to speak. He put his finger to my lips. I smiled. He said, "I know you better than anyone in this world except for David. You know me better than anyone in the world except maybe my parents." He put his hands on his thighs and rubbed his palms against his pants. "I've known you longer than any of your other friends. I know you like me, care about me and I know you love me. I feel the same way about you." Even though we just ate dinner, I felt this hollow feeling in my stomach. Was this bad, I wondered. Is he leaving UX? But we just said we were getting an apartment. "I know you find me interesting and I'm smart. We have different interests and I find you interesting and I think you're smart. I mean I know you are. You're curious about literature, but you're smart in science and math. I'm just the opposite. I think you find me attractive, I mean physically, I think. You know I find you attractive. I don't know if I turn you on sexually, or if when you're hard it's just because you're horny." I was about to speak and he put his finger over my mouth. "When we were in middle school, I had the biggest crush on you. I mean I didn't really understand it all, but I did. In high school I knew what it was all about and it scared the shit out of me. Not because I was gay, but because I thought you might figure it out. Sometimes I thought I should stop being friends with you so you'd never know, but you were always so nice to me. And you were really my only real friend. I just couldn't not be friends with you." He seemed on the verge of tears. "Josh, when I was outed and I realized you'd find out I was gay I was freaked out. Not because people would know, but because you'd know and then you'd finally figure out that I had this crush on you. One night before you came back, I sat in my room and cried. Then you said you were gay. God, I was relieved. But the thing was that when I thought you were straight, I never even considered that you and I would ever be boyfriends." He put his finger to my lips as I started to speak. "Then this battle started in my head. Maybe we could be boyfriends. No, you'd never be attracted to someone like me. Maybe if I were more athletic you'd think about it. You were so into me jogging, lifting weights, swimming. But deep down I knew it wasn't so that I'd be attractive to you. It was because you wanted me to be attractive to someone else" "Let me speak." "No, you said you'd listen." I sighed. He said, "Look, I like the way I look and I like working out with you. I really really do. I feel a lot better not being the skinny nerdy kid." He sighed. "When we came here I knew you'd be dating. I feel like a real shit saying this, but I stayed with Zack because I didn't want to be sitting in our room while you were dating." I said, "You don't want to live with me?" "I do. Listen to me." I nodded. He sighed. "Josh, I love you. I know you love me. I think I'd be the best boyfriend you've ever had. No one would be as good to you as me. I don't get why we are not boyfriends. I want to understand. Maybe if I do understand," his voice cracked. "Maybe then. I just need to understand." I was about to speak, but again he put his finger to my lips. "I know I've just sprung this on you. What I'm saying is that I want to be your boyfriend. If you don't want to be mine," he sighed. "Well, I just want to know why. The truth. And if you want time to think, fine." "Can I speak now?" "Are you angry?" I sighed. "No." I knew this day would come, but I didn't know if it would be he who brought up the conversation or me. I stared at the ceiling. He looked up. I shook my head. "Asshole." He half smiled. "So, before I answer you I want to say something to what you were saying. It kind of pisses me off that you'd think that us being boyfriends is based on your body. I mean I guess if you were gross and smelly, it would." I stared at him. "And I'm not just horny when I'm with you. Fuck, Aaron I can be alone in my bed or my shower and jerk off. You really think if I didn't find you sexually attractive I'd be all over you, cuddling with you afterwards." "I," "No, you don't get to speak now. I do." He sighed. I felt tears welling up. I shook my head. "Everything you said other than that bullshit is true." I stared at the ceiling. "This is what you've been talking to Tina and David about?" "It wasn't like some kind of conspiracy. Tina just asked me why I was with Zack and that she thought I was in love with you. David really said nothing other than I should talk to you. When I decided I would talk to you, Tina said, `just don't beg. If he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, then that's the way it is'. That's all they said." "You're talking," I said. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Sorry." "You're still talking." He stared at me. "You know what I think? Don't answer that. I think you're right. You'd probably be the best boyfriend I could have. But I also think I might not be the best one for you. Don't speak. I can be an asshole. I get angry. I tell people I hate them. I tell David I hate him. I can be a real jerk and you know it. So, I don't think I'd be a good boyfriend for you." "I've got to talk," he said waving his hand at me. "I get angry too." "Bullshit. I mean I've seen you angry. It's not being angry." "Yeah and you're no monster either. You don't want to be boyfriends because you're an asshole. Well asshole, I don't think you get to do that. I know you can be an asshole. Like I said I know you. Believe me I know you." We stared at each other. I said, "I'd fuck it up." "Wow. I can't fucking believe this. We're not boyfriends because you think you'd fuck it up? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm thinking I'm not good enough for you and you're thinking," "Aaron that is so much your shit. You're not good enough for me?" "And you fucking it up is your shit." "Say I do. Then what? I lose my best friend. I can't lose you," I said. Tears again. "Who says you'd lose me?" "If I fucked things up you'd still be my friend? Right." "Well, I'd be losing my best friend too. And you have David and probably Tina." We stared at each other. "How would you fuck it up?" he said. "I don't know. Being me. Saying stupid stuff." "You're saying stupid stuff now and I'm still your friend." "Asshole." "The only way I think we could fuck it up is if we lie to each other and keep secrets." "Well, I have secrets." "Fine. But we're not boyfriends. Keep the secrets you have." I sighed. He said, "I know what would fuck me up." "What?" "I know a lot of guys want you." He put his hand over my mouth. "Robert, Connor, Matt," "Enough. You don't have to name them." "If we were boyfriends and we agreed to be exclusive." "If we agreed to that, I wouldn't cheat." "Then unless you fell out of love with me, I don't see a problem." Again he put his hand on my mouth. "Your grandparents have been together forever. My parents were high school sweethearts and they're together. Yes, something can happen. And David and Tina could get married and then divorce. Do you think they're not going ahead with this because of that?" "But they're not best friend. Well, they're becoming that, but," "If it doesn't work and if you don't lie and keep secrets and I promise I won't either, then if we fall out of love, I'll still be your best friend. And when we are old and ugly and fat. Well, I'll be that. You'll probably still be beautiful." I laughed. "You are such an ass." "We'll still get a ranch with a pool and a library and rocking chairs." I stared at him. I thought I was about to cry. I had to acknowledge that I too wanted this, but I still felt scared. I took a deep breath. "You want no secrets and no lies." He nodded. "If we were boyfriends you'd have to promise never to be angry at me and walk away, freeze me out, close down." He stared at me. "I know not to do that to you. Yes, I promise." Tears filled his eyes. "Josh I know how much that could hurt you. I'd never do that to you. Never." I sighed and stared at him. He stared at me. "You know," I said. "This is bullshit." "What?" "You can't ask someone to be your boyfriend when you've never even asked them out on a date." He stared at me. "Sorry," I said. "But you're going to have to work for it. And I'm not cheap." He smiled. "You really are a butt hole." He leaned down to kiss me. "No. I'm serious. No date. No play." He sat back and stared at me. "Date? But we're here. So we have to wait until we get back and I figure out a date." "I think I'm worth it." He smiled. "So, you're saying you'll be my boyfriend." "I don't know. I want to see this date you come up with." He put his hands over his face and laughed. "Come on big boy. You want this piece of ass on an exclusive bases you're going to have to come up with something." He got off the bed and grabbed his phone. I watched wondering what he was going to do. He said into the phone. "He said he'd be my boyfriend but I have to take him out on a date." I laughed. He looked at me and said, "Is a double date okay? With David and Tina?" "I guess." He listened. "Sounds great." He put his phone down and said, "How about a dessert date?" "Dessert date. Dessert date? Really, a dessert date." "They said we could drive around and find a place for dessert. Come on. That's a good date. They're getting ready. We're going for dessert." "You must think I'm a cheap date," I said standing. "Dessert isn't cheap." We stood facing each other. I shoved him hard onto the bed and climbed on top of him. I put my mouth to his and pressed my tongue past his lips. He sighed. I sighed and bit his lips. He bit mine. Kissing him was better than I had imagined. My cock got rock hard. I put my hand to his junk. He was hard. "Fuck, Josh," he moaned. There was a knock at the door. We looked at each other. I smiled. "Dessert. Some kind of date," I said and stood. I pulled my tee shirt out of my pants to cover the bulge. He pressed his hand into my junk, looked up at me and smiled. "We need to get condoms and lube. Tomorrow I'm not going to be a virgin." "Don't be too sure. This better be great dessert." We found a coffee shop. Aaron said, "This is my treat. It's our first date." David and Tina looked at me and smiled. David looked at Aaron and said, "This may be your first date, but you've been wanting this for years. Haven't you?" I noticed Tina staring at Aaron. I was sitting next to him in a booth. I saw tears slide from his eyelids. He quickly wiped then away and half glanced at me. Tina reached across the table and put her hand on Aaron's. She said, "He's happy." I put my hand on his arm. He looked at me and then tears fell. "Shit," he said wiping them away. "Its just stress. I cry after stress." Tina said, "And you're happy." He nodded and more tears fell. Tears sat on my eyelids. I said, "He's happy because he's going to lose his virginity tonight." Aaron turned red and started laughing. David said, "Aaron do you know about carb loading?" He stared at David and then smiled and looked at me. He said, "He's the one who needs to load up." I ordered warmed apple pie with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. Everyone else had pie. We stopped at Walgreens. When I saw that Aaron had three boxes of Trojan Ectasy lubricated condoms and two bottles of lube, I stared at him. "What? he said. "We're here for six nights and there are only ten in each box." "That's five a day." "Geez, I know you're better than me in math, but I can do simple division. You're getting fucked too." "Shhhh." He whispered, "You're getting fucked too. Besides, they don't go bad." "Yeah, well, I'm not going through check out with you. They're going to think we're having a fucking orgy." "We are. An orgy for two." "Go. Check out. I'll wait outside." Aaron joined David and Tina in line. She had stuff she wanted to buy. I watched. I noticed David, noticing what Aaron had. He said something to Tina. She glanced back at Aaron and then started laughing. She pushed him ahead of them in line. Aaron put the lube and condoms down on the counter. The guy looked at the three boxes and the glanced at Aaron. Aaron said something to him. He stared at Aaron, said something and then smiled. David and Tina laughed. "What did you say?" I said when he came outside. "I said I was going to finally lose my virginity. He looked at the three boxes and back at me and said, `thirty condoms?' so I said, I've been waiting a long time." As soon as we got back to the room, Aaron said, "Do we really have to use these?" I sat beside him. "We probably don't, but we probably should." "Always?" "No. When we get back we can get tested." "Then we won't have to." I sighed. "Well, you won't have to I guess but, I mean I've been super safe, but I think we have to wait three months." He nodded. He looked at me. "I really am happy." "Me too." He chuckled. "What?" "I'm happy but a lot of guys are going to be unhappy." "You are so full of bullshit." "I really should call my parents," he said and smiled. "I mean they'll" "You're going to call them and tell them you're about to lose your virginity?" He smiled. "My mother is going to go crazy happy. She'll probably start baking Josh's cookies." I pushed him back on the bed, rolled on top of him and said, "Call her tomorrow." JoshRJosh@Yahoo.com