Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2005 03:41:40 +0000 (GMT) From: Dan Perducci Subject: Advice Guy It was not by my design but I was like the friendly ear for all of the girls in my class. I couldn't get laid to save my life but the girls like to tell me their problems. I was thirteen but very schooled in the ways of young girls. The kinds of problems that I heard were the same complaints that women have well into adulthood. Cherry's boyfriend forgot her birthday. Heather's boyfriend would not return her phone calls in a timely manner. Jessica's boyfriend was fooling around with her best friend Katie. I didn't give any advice or promise solutions. I just listened. I like to think now that I logged enough real time hours in junior high school to start my own practice as a head shrink or counselor. The lunchroom was typically my office and the table was my couch. I sipped my low fat milk and nibble on my cheeseburger or taco while my `patients' spilled their guts. I was no gossip so they knew that their secrets were safe with me. Honestly, even if I wanted to squeal, I couldn't. I had no close friends; I only had my loyal following of teary-eyed girls who knew that I would be compassionate enough to pay attention to them. I sat down at the usual table on Wednesday when the latest crisis landed on my table. Literally. A pair of elbows came crashing next to my lunch tray. My milk carton leapt a couple of inches and my corn dog tumbled onto the table. "I'm sorry but I have got to talk to you about Eric." It was Savannah. She was the girl who dated boys here and there and always had some kind of drama with one or the other. Drama was to her like water was to fish. She was always swimming in it. I just wished that she wouldn't drown. Don't get me wrong, I didn't wish her ill but she was not the brightest light on the Christmas tree. "What's the matter? I though that you and Eric were getting on fine. He's in high school and has a car. That's something that a lot of..." "I'm happy with that. It's just that he is telling all of his friends what we did last weekend." "Well, that's the high school. I don't think word's gonna get back to anyone here!" Savannah began to sob gently. She picked up one of my clean napkins and dabbed her porcelain face. "Do you know Eric's brother? He's in seventh grade and he's telling his friends. Before you know it, I'm the school slut." She was inconsolable. I tried to perk her up but flopped instead. "School slut? Doesn't Amanda already have that title?" Savannah forced a quick smile but continued her breakdown. I tried to be sensitive but could not help but ask her what Eric did to her. She whispered in my ear that she went down on him in his car the previous Saturday. This was something new to her but so was the well-known fact that boys `kiss and tell.' "I'm sorry that you have to go through this," I told her sympathetically. A light bulb immediately went off in my head. I remembered Eric somewhat from my seventh grade year when he was in ninth grade. He was a skater boy with dirty blonde hair and a honey-like tan. He always wore board shorts to school even in January. It was little wonder that he never caught the flu. He was gorgeous and now he was fucking over my friend Savannah. The inspiration came from a time when I was in the science fair. It was parent day and Eric's family came to the school. They brought Eric's brother who was in fifth grade at the time. Brian was fascinated by my project. "Will I have to make a project when I get here?" he asked quizzically. "I guess so. That is if you're in advanced science class." I replied. His parents asked me if I would mind assisting their son when the time came for him to do work on a project. I agreed but forgot all about that in the intervening months. Now was my time to perform my act of kindness. After lunch, it was the seventh grade classes who were entering the lunchroom. I hugged Savannah and made my way out. I saw Eric's brother waiting in line. It was my time to make my move. "Brian, remember my science fair project?" "Do I? That miniature windmill was great! Do you still want to help me with my project?" he asked me in a polite but intimidated way. "Sure. You have to remember that we only have two months to get this done." Brian was instantly excited and asked to exchange phone numbers and information. We arranged to meet at his house after school. Brian and I took his bus to get to his house. The bus driver didn't even notice the extra kid on his route. I tried hard not to stare too much at Brian. He was like a smaller version of his older brother. The difference was in the darker hair and the abundance of freckles on his face. I glanced at the tank top underneath his shirt and wondered what it would be like to have a brother to mess around with. The bus stopped and we exited. We walked about half a block until we got to Brian's home. It was a pleasant two-story house with a perfect little yard and a half pipe peering at me from behind the fence to the back yard. Brian reached around his neck for the house key. Even though Eric's car was parked outside, Brian knew that his big brother wouldn't come to the door even if there were an earthquake outside. Once inside, I sat in the living room while Brian went to get some drinks and snacks. Once he returned, I took a handful of chips and drank some lemonade. "I have to go to the garage and get my supplies. I'm planning to create a solar-powered pendulum," Brian told me. Before leaving, Brian turned on the radio for me. I listened for a few minutes before I had to go to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me but forgot to lock the door. I heard footsteps outside and then the door swung open. It was hard enough to rattle against the wall. "Oh shit," Eric shouted, "I though you were Brian." Eric had on a pair of sweat shorts and his cock was squarely in his hand. He apparently had something planned for his little brother. He yanked up his shorts and darted from the room. He knew that he was caught. I felt supremely awkward because Eric's intended target returned to the living room to set up his project. I didn't even get as much as an apology from the dude who walked in on me in the toilet and flashed his dick at me because he assumed that I was his brother. "Come on, advice guy," I wondered aloud, "You should go home but you had a plan to get revenge on Eric, didn't you?" At this time, the sight of Eric's eight-inch cock erased any immature plans that I had -- like taking a treasured possession or leaving something offensive in his room. I gathered myself together and walked down the stairs like nothing happened. It was too late for Brian. "Why didn't you tell me that you had a friend here?" demanded Eric of his brother. "We ran into each other during lunch. Jake was offering to help me with my science fair project." My cell phone rang. I said that I needed to go. I knew where the front door was and showed myself out. I ambled up the walk to the sidewalk and started a long journey to my house. It was five minutes away by car but thirty minutes by foot. I barely passed the corner when I remembered my books. I rushed back down the road to Brian's house. I guess they did not see me approach because I took a chance on the front door being unlocked from my hasty exit. "I'm sorry but I forgot..." Brian was kneeling on the couch in front of his brother. He was blowing Eric. I could not believe what I saw in front of me. Eric was planning to do this when he walked into the bathroom. I giggled a bit but Eric froze in fear. "Wait until I tell everyone about this!" "You better not tell anyone." Eric protested. "Why? It might hurt your reputation?" I blithely asked. "Fuck yeah! I'm not a queer and I would appreciate it if you kept this between us" "OK. If you quit acting like a prick with your girlfriend." "OK! I'll keep my mouth shut about Savannah." Alas, the power someone can hold when the other person has his pants around his ankles. I stepped quickly between Brian and his older sibling and leaned over to kiss the erect 10-inch penis. "I always wanted to do that!" I snickered and took off for my house. The science fair came and went but I didn't hear from either brother again. I guess that they had experimenting of their own to do.