Date: Sat, 21 May 2022 20:54:42 -0400 From: James Karvonen Subject: Andy's Story. The Search For Meaning - 2 In the days that followed I kept debating with myself whether or not I should keep spying on my father and his relationship with Matt, pretending that nothing out of the ordinary was going on. But being 10 years old curiosity just kept getting the better of me. I didn't do it every night, I just did it occasionally. But playing with fire like I was doing I knew that sooner or later I might get caught. And if I got caught that trust factor that I had with my dad would be broken. Those times that I did spy on my dad and Matt l seen some things that actually blew my mind. I saw my dad fucking Matt and visa-versa, plenty of oral sex and some things that I couldn't actually believe or even describe. And the thing about all that was every time I would spy on my dad and Matt I would get a hard-on and would have to relieve myself usually by jacking off to my dry orgasm before I went back to bed. At 10 years old I had become a compulsive masturbator. That told me that like my father I was either gay or bisexual. Since I had no real interest in girls I concluded that l was more then likely gay but I had heard that boys really didn't have any interest in girls until they reached early adolescence. So that gave me a little hope. This went on for about a year or so. But during that time it got to the point where I was beginning to feel that my father was paying more attention to Matt and less attention to me. And that hurt a little. Not having that many friends at school I yearned to have someone like Matt who I could have a long standing relationship with. So seeing what was going on between my dad and Matt and feeling somewhat neglected I decided to confront my father on the relationship that he and Matt had been having with each other over the past year since Matt moved in with us. In short I was searching for meaning. Catching my father at the breakfast table alone one morning when Matt wasn't around I asked quite innocently, "Dad, why do you love Andrew more then me?" Dad was sipping his coffee when I asked him that. He coughed a little after I had asked him that question then answered saying, "What makes you think that I love Andrew more then I love you son?" "Well you seem to be spending more time with him then with me. When mum was alive we use to do things together like go to Piedmont Park for the afternoon or go to that Atlanta zoo together. We don't do that anymore. Matt said that when you weren't around he would do things with me, but that hadn't happened yet. It's like you and Matt are shutting me out of your lives completely." I tried to explain to the best of my ability. After all I was only 11 years old, on the verge of puberty. And I didn't understand all these things yet. "Oh my boy, it's not like that at all! I love you just as much as I love Matt." "But you're not showing it dad." I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "It's like this son. You know Matt and I had been with each other for over four years now. even before the divorce. That was one of the reasons why your mum wanted the divorce. She really didn't understand the relationship that I had with him. After the divorce when she moved back to England I became lonely. Yes I still had Matt but normally we would see each other only a couple of times a week back when your mum was still living with us." "But you have me!" I stated. "Yes, I have you. And I love you more then anything else in this world. But after your mum moved out I just didn't have that constant adult companionship that I needed. And Matt met that need for adult companionship. That's why I invited Matt to move in and live with us. I wanted Matt to become part of our family after your mum left. "I don't mind Matt. I like him okay and it doesn't bother me that he has become part of our family, but still you talk about adult companionship? That's what I don't understand." "You know what adult companionship means, don't you?" Dad asked me. "I think so." I answered not really all that sure. "Adult companionship means sex. The truth of the matter is that I love Matt just like I once loved your mother before the divorce. And yes, Matt and I have been having sex together. That's all part of the relationship that Matt and I have together." What my dad just said, I already knew from watching them occasionally at night without them knowing it. But I didn't say anything about that. There was still that trust factor between me and my father that I still had abd was concerned about. "That means you're gay?" I then asked. "No Andrew, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual. I had been like that ever since I was your age. And yes I've had sexual relationships with both men and women. And before the divorce I loved your mum for over ten years. That was one thing that your mum couldn't understand. If I didn't love her like I once did we wouldn't be standing here talking like we are talking now. I love Matt and he loves me. That's the way it is, and that's how it's going to be. So what more can I say? Sooner or later you're going to have to accept that." For whatever reason I felt like my dad and I had gone off track a little in the discussion we were having during that time. "It don't bother me that you love Matt." I said. It was then that Matt walked into the dining room. He sat down at the table with us. Father looked at Matt and told him that we were having a little discussion and then went into detail as to what we were talking about. Matt nodded as if he understood. "Andy, I know you're a little upset about this right now. I don't believe that your father is intentionally trying to ignore you. But like you're father said, I do very much want to be part of this family. I love you just as much as I love your father and am not trying to take your father away from you. I'm hoping that sooner or later the three of us will really bond together and become the happy family that we want to be." I didn't say anything because whether my father understood my feelings or not there was really nothing more I could do about this situation. The rest of the day passed by with me brooding about things that I couldn't do anything about right now. All I could do now was to accept the way things were even though I felt that my father was still paying more attention to Matt then he was to me. You could call it a jealousy factor if you want which it probably was. Maybe things would work out in the near future, but as far as bonding with Matt was concerned I didn't know if I could do that. About a week later I felt my bladder aching about one in the morning. I had a piss bone which meant that I had to pee. I eased out of bed and left my room heading down the hallway to the bathroom. Passing my father's room I once again could hear something going on inside between my brother and Matt. Going into the bathroom I went ahead and pissed. It had been a couple of weeks since I had last peeked into my father's room to see what my dad and Matt were doing. Leaving the bathroom I decided to peek in again. Taking a deep breath I cracked open the door and looked in. As usual my father and Matt were naked. This time Matt was giving my father a blow job. As Matt held my father's dick upright with his right hand his hot moist lips were really bobbing up and down around my father's thick almost 7" inch shaft. His other hand was was between my fathers outstretched legs cupping and caressing my father's fuzzy heavy cum filled ball sack. My father was moaning and groaning squirming around on top of his bed. Once again I pushed my hand down the front of my white cotton briefs and started fondling and rubbing my still slender 3" inch erection looking for that warm tingly feeling leading up towards dry release that I had become quite fond of over the past year or so. It was then that my father's head turned in my direction and he saw me watching them through the crack in the bedroom door. "Christ O bloody mighty stop!" My father called out to Matt. Matt lifted off my father's saliva dripping erection."What's wrong!" Matt asked. "It's Andrew, he's been watching us, bloody hell!" Right then and there I knew that I was in trouble. Dad usually wouldn't swear around me, and he did so that time not once but twice. I quickly closed the door, but as soon as I had the door closed I heard my father's booming voice shout "Get in here Andrew!" I knew right then that I was in for it. Dad hadn't punished me in a long time so I didn't know what to expect. Slowly I opened the door. Hanging my head in shame I walked into the room. Dad and Matt were both sitting on the end of the mattress still naked. They had lost their erections of course but in my 11 year old eyes they still looked huge as far as their penises were concerned. Their thick members dangled loosely beneath their hairy mounds. Like me, dad was uncircumcised, but Matt was circumcised which was something else that I found interesting. "Do you want to explain yourself son?" Dad said looking directly into my eyes. What could I say? I had been secretly watching them having sex together with each other on and off for over a year now without being caught and now all of a sudden the inevitable had happened. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to explain the reason behind my actions. "I was going to the bathroom and heard some noise coming in from the bedroom and I, I just wondered what was going on between you and Matt." "And now you know. We were having sex, okay. I already explained to you about adult companionship. I love Matt and he loves me and having sex together is one of the ways of showing the love and affection that we have with each other." Dad said. Surprisingly he didn't sound all that angry about it. But still I was feeling left out. "What about me? Do you love Matt more then you love me?" I asked choking back a sob. "Listen son, the love that I have for Matt is a different kind of love that I have for you." Dad went on to explain. "What do you mean different?" I asked. The way my father was now acting I could tell that he was feeling very uncomfortable about the question that I had just asked. Taking a deep breath dad said, "The love that I have for Matt is a more of a physical love then an emotional love, like the type of love that I have for you." "Physical love?" I questioned. I knew exactly what my father meant by that comment but I wasn't going to let him know. Dad nodded. "It's the physical love that involves adult companionship." And then I said something that caught both my father and Matt completely off guard. "Why can't I share that physical love that you say you have with you and Matt also?" "Because you're not an adult yet." My father replied. "You're only eleven years old. When you turn eighteen you can have that relationship that would involve adult companionship and physical love. And someday you'll find someone be it male or female and then you can enjoy that physical love that I had enjoyed with your mother before she moved out and that I now enjoy with Matt. But until that day comes you're going to have to grow up first and you have seven years to do that." And then dad motioned me so that I would be closer to him. Standing between his outstretched legs he placed both of his hands on my bare shoulders. "But understand this, I love you even more then anything else in this world. Though it won't be the physical love that I would be sharing with you it will be the emotional love that your mother and I had with you since the day you were born. And I promise to do better bonding with you, I promise. Because I want us to be one big happy family." But I wasn't satisfied by what my father had just told me. "But I want to be part of that physical love!" I insisted. Standing at such close proximity between my father's outstretched legs I could see my dad's thick pubic hair and flaccid 4" drooping over his heavy low hanging plump balls all the more clearly to the point that I had become aroused and had actually become erect again. It had have been noticeable to dad and Matt who was sitting naked besides him because the front of my white cotton briefs, the only article of clothing that I was wearing was now tenting straight out prominently. Seeing it dad sighed, Knowing that I would continue being insistent. He looked over at Matt who just shrugged and then back at me. Finally dad said, "Okay son, let me ask you this question? Are you really serious about all this?" I swallowed then nodded. "Yes sir." I heard myself say. "Let me talk to Matt for a second." He moved his hands off of my shoulders then looked over at Matt. "What do you think about all this Matt?" "Well if you want my honest opinion if we don't respect his wishes, it may give him a false sense of security about his own sexual identity. He's searching for something and that something is who he actually is. As I told you before though todays society won't admit it my studies have indicated that children are sexual beings whether they want to be or not. They have the same feelings that we do in regards to sexuality though they might not be as sophisticated as us. You can't deny the obvious." His eyes motioned to my crotch. I knew that he was referring to my erection. Putting both of his hands back on my shoulders dad said, "Okay son. I have decided, I'm not going to punish you for what you did. But let me ask you one more question and I want you to be honest with us lad, have you spied on us before?" "Yes sir, a couple of weeks ago." I answered truthfully. My heart was pounding rapidly in my chest. I had no idea where this was all going. "And what did you see?" "You were, were fucking Matt." "And tonight you saw me giving Matt a blow job." "Yes sir." I said beginning to tremble a little. Suddenly I was feeling ashamed. "And how long has this voyeurism been going on?" Once again I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. The trust factor that I had with my father was more then likely completely gone by now. "Since Matt moved in." I said hoarsely. "So this has been an ongoing thing with you lad. And you would probably do it again, am I not mistaken?" A tear trickled down my soft downy cheek. "No sir." I said. "And while you were watching, what were you doing?" My father asked me "Wanking off sir." I said. And then I began to cry. "Alright son. Since this has been an ongoing thing with you I have decided and I am sure that Matt would agree with me, Matt and I will give you a taste of physical love so you will know what it is all about. After that it will be up to you whether or not you would want to be part of that love again. But one thing we must agree upon. This has to be our secret. You must never tell anyone about this, not even your best friend. What we're going to do with you is against the law and something that today's society condemns. If this ever came out Matt and I could end up going to prison if it ever came out. If that happens you probably would end up living with your mother in England or if your mother don't want you, go to a foster home. If this is something that you really want to get involved in then it must remain our secret. Is that clear?" "Yes father." I quickly said. "I'm going to go along with it this time because you are old enough to make your own decisions. If you've changed your mind and have decided that you don't want to go through with it then you can go on back to bed and promise from now on to respect our privacy and never spy on us again. Is that clear? Let me know now what you want to do." Dad decided. "I want to go through with it and I promise I won't tell anyone, not a soul." I heard myself say. Dad looked over at Matt. "Is there anything that you want to add Matt?" Matt looked at me and said, "I agree with your father on this and I am willing to go along with whatever he says. But you must stick to that promise Andy and never tell anyone outside our family about what goes on within this apartment." "Yes sir." I replied. I no longer felt ashamed of myself. Dad had just opened up a new door for me. I sniffled one last time then looked at my father. "Okay lad." He smiled. Now let's see what you have. I haven't seen you naked in a long time." With that having been said, he reached down with both hands and gently grasped the elastic waistband of my briefs with his fingers...