Fatherly Love - A Love Story

Written by

Christopher Paulson

Editing by

Bernie Clark

My mom had died when I was very young, leaving dad to raise me alone. I knew I was gay as puberty hit, I was around twelve or thirteen and I knew it, I was gay. No girl made sense to me, but boys were an entirely different story. I remember going home and jerking off to Bradley Jones, a boy who had sat next to me in class.

It was two months before my sixteenth birthday and I remember that day clearly, as if it were yesterday. I had come home early with my best friend Alex, and he knew I was gay because I told him. Anyways, I asked him to fool around with me and he agreed. So there we were, two fifteen year old boys naked, kissing in bed when my dad comes home early from work, and walked into my bedroom (I had not locked the door). As he walked in, he found me on top of Alex rubbing my cock against him, and kissing him like crazy (that was all we did that day and for that matter ever again). We both froze, and got out of bed terrified about the consequences for our actions. When I got downstairs, my dad was in the kitchen looking for something to prepare for dinner. Alex left after politely saying good evening and it was just dad and I.

"Dad am I in trouble," I asked him afraid to look at him.

"No son, you're not in trouble," he said quietly.

"Dad, I like boys," I said softly. "I'm sorry if that hurts you," I added.

"Chris, don't ever be sorry for who you are. You were made out of love and if you like boys, then you like boys," he said turning to me, and I lifted my eyes to meet his. "I just wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me, and yes I'm a little bit stunned," he said.

"I'm sorry for not telling you and letting you find out like this," I told him.

"So tell me son, how does it feel to kiss a guy," he asked blushing as he looked away.

"Good dad, but I don't know how to explain it. Do you want me to kiss you so you can feel it for yourself," I asked teasing him.

"Yes please Chris, kiss me so I can feel it," he said in sarcastic tone.

I walked up to him and said, "Ok here I come," and I leaned in and kissed him

The response from both of us caught us by surprise. I kissed him on his lips and opened my mouth for his tongue, which he would not release, so I stopped and said.

"Come on dad, you asked so just do it and we will never talk about this again."

He did, I wrapped my arms around him as we kissed, and I felt him get hard, but I being fifteen, was instantly hard. Then he pulled instantly away and said,

"Ok, that's not too bad, now never again ok," he said and turned back to fixing dinner.

However, the seed had been planted in our head and you know the seed.

"How can I want my dad in that way?" I said to myself later. "How can he want his son in that way," and from that day on I fell in lust with my dad, but as time passed I fell in love with him.

He was all I dreamt about, jerked off to, until my sixteenth birthday when I told him about my feelings and he said it was me being hormonal.

"Chris, it's wrong and I never want to talk about this again ok?" he says sharply.

"No dad, answer me this," I said to him. "Do you WANT Me dad," I asked, slicing a piece of birthday cake he had bought for us.

"It's not right Christopher, now stop it," he shouts, and I knew when he said my full name I was in trouble.

However, I asked again angrily,

"DO YOU WANT ME DAD," and I walked out of the kitchen with my cake.

I was in my bedroom watching TV when I heard a knock on the door. It was dad. I told him to come in. He walked in and sat on the foot of the bed and said,

"Christopher, after we kissed I was surprised and repulsed by my reaction to you. You are my baby, my boy, how could my body react the way it did to you? Yes, my body wants you, but I will not give into that desire because it is wrong," he said with tears in his eyes. "How can I love you in that way, it's wrong," he kept on saying.

"Well Dad," I said motioning for him to sit next to me on the bed.

I opened the covers as he slipped off his shoes and got in.

"Does this feel bad," I asked laying my head on his shoulder.

"No," he said softly.

"Does this feel bad," I asked as I held his hand in my hand.

"No," he says again just as softly and a tear rolls down his cheek.

"Then I suggest we take this as slow as you want. I won't tell a soul and neither will you, and we can navigate our way through these feelings we have for each other as father and son.

"DO YOU WANT ME DAD," I asked again loud and clear.

"YES," was all he said and we kissed.

Furthermore, for the next two years all we did was kiss and touch a little, as we fell in love. Once I had made up my mind, I never once thought what I felt was bad, he felt bad about it and tried many times to tell me to stop and find someone who I could love openly without secrecy. Therefore, my dad and I fell in love when I was sixteen, and with that kiss...so began my love story with my dad.

Out first time together happened when I was eighteen, we literally took two years to explore and fall in love. Why, because he felt bad, as well as guilty, being my dad for what we were doing. Now me on the other hand, felt overwhelmed... that I could be in love with him. However, after two years of fumbling with our emotions and feelings, we finally found peace and made love. It was the most amazing experience, as I am sure you can concur, that I had ever had, and I can still remember it...

Dad and I had been fumbling our way through our feelings for two years, and I knew I wanted him. I had tried to be patient and understanding with him, but this waiting game needed to end. I knew him better than he knew himself sometimes, and sex with dad would never happen, not if I waited for him to make the first move. I needed to get pro-active, and although I would never force him into sex, I knew that once I started the rest would follow. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him, but whenever we kissed or touched, he would stop, afraid that it would lead to sex.

Therefore, I decided there would be no stopping what I felt we both wanted, and I had a plan. That plan would have him finally giving into his desire and physical need for me, because I had already mentally surrendered to it, two years ago. However, and more importantly, it would acknowledge our deep love for each other. It would reveal to him the most intimate way two people, like us, could share and show their love for one another. I wanted a love that went deeper than just being in a father and a son relationship or just sex. I wanted a love where we could be true lovers in every attribute of the word. I knew my father, he was a creature of habit, and he never deviated from his routine.

When Dad came home from work, the first thing he always did after greeting me, was take a shower, and then he would come downstairs into the kitchen, where we would prepare dinner together. It was what we did together every day; a father and son bonding time he called it, where we could talk about our day... how school was for me, and how work was for him.

"Hi Chris," he said smiling and he seemed in a good mood.

"Hi Dad", I said back, looking up from my book.

He told me about the car needing new tires, and various other things, but I was hardly listening to him, because my mind was on my plan.

"See you in about thirty minutes, I need a long hot shower after today," he said as he disappeared up the stairs.

He went upstairs to shower and I put my plan into action. I went right upstairs after him and I went into the bathroom, stripped and then said...

"I'm coming in to join you dad, do you mind?" I asked and he opened the door and said.

"You fucker, you just want to see me naked all the time. Well you can just wait your turn," He said smiling but letting me in.

I decided to behave rather than scare him away. We joked about us making love, but I knew that he did not want to be rushed into making love also. We rinsed off after we showered and I noticed that he had a hard on, which he was trying to hide from me by facing his back to me as he showered. He was the first one out of the shower and I found him at the basin rinsing his face, draped around his sexy body was a towel showing his desire. I stood behind him and noticed how we both matched in our height, tall and strong bodies, as I pulled him towards me, while I stroked his crotch. I had one hand on his shoulder as the other felt his hard on through the towel. He shook his head and barely a whisper escaped his mouth.

"Don't Chris... please stop," he whispered and I felt his heart rapidly beating.

I stood like that, watching us in the mirror and our eyes met, as I mouthed NO. I kissed his neck with a soft gentle kiss before I turned him around, so we could stand face to face. As I trailed kisses up his chest, he leaned in, pulled me up to him, and kissed my lips.

"You have to stop this Chris," he said to me after we broke our kiss.

"Why?" I asked him as I looked into his eyes.

"Because there's no one here to stop us," he said with desperation in his voice. "And because I've been taking far to many cold showers thinking of the things I want to do to you and with you," he added as his eyes filled with tears.

"I don't want to stop this Dad, because it feels so fucking right," I told him as my hands eased up his chest and my fingertips grazed his nipples.

"Well, I never thought I'd want you so much." he said as he stood there with his naked body pressed against mine.

"Well then show me how much you want me dad, let go and stop being afraid to explore this side of us," I told him still holding him to me. "I have wanted this so badly dad, but I was scared that I would not live up to your expectations, whatever they maybe," and he could see the desire that I felt for him in my eyes.

He pulled the towel off me and led me to his bedroom with his naked body against mine as we walked to his room. Flesh on flesh and I felt his hot breath on my neck as he pushed me back gently onto the bed. As he knelt over me with his legs on either side of mine, I was frozen in the moment... because this was going to be our first time.

Yes, this will be our "first time" and it was nothing as I had imagined it to be. I had always thought our first time would be animalistic fucking, hard, raw and explosive. Yet there I was, lying on his bed beneath him, and he was being so gentle and loving with his touching of me. The two scenarios were nothing alike, but it was dynamic just the same. He wrapped his hand around my cock and began stroking me, and I couldn't believe that this was finally happening as I closed my eyes.

"Look at me" he said tenderly.

I watched him as he stroked my cock, and I looked directly into his eyes. They were watery and I amazed myself when the next words came out of my mouth.

"Stop dad, we can't do this if you're going to cry," I told him not believing that I had said it. "I don't want to make you sad or force you," I said as I gently rubbed his cheeks with my hands and wiped away his tears.

"Baby boy, these tears are tears of joy that you could love me so much that you would allow me to touch you this way," he said with a voice that revealed the emotion he felt. "As I love you this way, and look at you, I see my reflection in your eyes."

He stopped stroking me and lay on top of me, grinding his cock into me as he kissed me. He pushed my arms above my head, as he kissed my neck and ears, and he gave my lobes a gentle nibble, as I spread my legs, and wrapped them around him and I rubbed up against him, cock to cock.

He kissed me softly, starting at my neck and worked his way down my body. He greedily took my cock into his mouth and began to suck me, and I couldn't believe that my dreams were coming true. He had my cock all the way in his mouth with his nose buried in my pubes, while he gently fondled my balls.

"Oh my God this is really happening dad, and it feels so good," was all I kept thinking afraid to give voice to what I was feeling, and making him stop.

He ran one hand up my abdomen to my nipples, and the other he used as he sucked me, as he massaged my balls and stroked my cock, alternately. My hips began thrusting up, as I tried to get more of my cock into his hot mouth. However, he was enjoying teasing my cock, as he sucked my cock's head gently, and then sucked it hard, driving me crazy with pleasure. He licked my cock from tip to base, base to tip, before he moved down to lick my balls. I was moaning in ecstasy, as all control slipped away, and I was thrashing about on the bed.

"This is how I wanted him to be with me, open and uninhibited, as he is right now blowing me,"

I closed my eyes as I wallowed in the ecstasy of the moment, and then lifted my head to look at him. The desire, the lust, which my heart held for this man, was so powerful that it almost made me cum just to look at him. I was so close to cumming, and I didn't want to cum yet, but he took my cock deeper into his mouth, and pushed me over the edge.

"Ooooh God I'm cumming dad," I cried out hoarsely as I shot deep into his hot throat.

It was the most intense climax that I had ever experienced, and I couldn't remember ever cumming like that before. Masturbating yourself to cum and actually having someone make you cum are so different; that I thought my head was going to explode and I roared as I continued to cum.

"Sorry dad," I said nervously about what I had just done.

We had never cum with each other before and this was definitely a first for me. He dropped my spent cock and lay down beside me, and I caressed his cock to get him to cum. He rolled towards me and he pulled me to him, and kissed me as he moans in my mouth.

"You taste tangy," he said smiling as he pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"Let's see how you taste," I said as I moved down to suck him.

"You don't have to do that son," he said as he pulled me up to him. "This was all for you and I'm good," he told me as he gently kissed me.

"Liar, you're harder than a steel rod, and I am going to fix that right now," I told him and before he could protest any further, I engulfed his cock into the warmth of my mouth.

He moaned so loud that I chuckled as I sucked him. I had watched enough porn to have an idea on what I needed to do to make my man feel good and satisfied. I could feel him as he neared his edge, but I kept him dancing on the edge. I wasn't ready to see this end, so I prolonged his climax so I could suck, kiss and bite his cock more, as I drove him wild with ecstasy. However good as it was, he could not hold out any longer, and he shot deep into my waiting mouth. He shot his hot cum, jet after jet, and he never stopped until he had emptied out his balls. I sucked him hard, savoring every drop, until he was limp.

"You taste sweet, daddy," I said as I kissed him deeply and ground myself into him as he closes his eyes and I panicked.

"Please don't freak out on me Dad; I don't know if I could take it at this point." I said quietly.

I could not take my eyes off him, because his handsomeness totally overwhelmed me. He opened his eyes and I could see his eyes as they clouded up, and that look he got whenever he felt guilty or bad about something we have done. I thought about the offers for sex that I had received in the past, and yet, I had never taken them up on any. It was because I knew what we had, dad and I, and all else paled to it.

"How could something that feels like this, be so bad or wrong," I thought to myself, because this felt so right and I wanted to keep it that way.

Dad finally managed to smile and he let out a sigh before he said...

"Damn it Chris, there is no way to describe what just happened, and I never knew that it could be this way. I'm not freaking out, I'm just enjoying the feelings of pure pleasure," he said and I could hear the joy that he felt.

"Good?" I asked as I looked into his eyes.

"Oh yeah, that too," he said as he stared up at the ceiling. "Since this was really a first for me, I'm just going to leave it as indescribable for now. Let it sink in a bit and maybe then I can come up with a few more descriptive words," he said as he looked at me.

We lay like that in bed, as we looked at each other, with each of us in our own world. He pulled me towards him, wrapped me in a bear hug, with my ass against his cock. As we laid there in silence, I felt him breathing on my neck, and I start to get hard again, as I wiggled my ass against his cock. To my surprise, he was as hard as I was, and I felt his hand touch my cock.

"I'm up and I see you are too," and he laughed. "I'll be right back," he said as he got out of bed.

He returns from his bathroom, with a tube of KY gel. He slid his hand deliciously up and down my shaft, as he drove me absolutely crazy with desire once again. I couldn't believe I was actually hard again, as his hand moved down to massage my balls, and I felt I could cum right then. His hand slid even lower, as he massaged the area between my virgin rosebud and my balls, and it felt odd yet good. He rose up and kissed me, as he pressed his finger to my hole, and I tensed up.

"No," I said quickly. "Play with me first daddy I'm nervous," I told him, scared of taking his cock into my ass.

"Relax Chris, let's make new memories," he said softly to me as he looked down into my eyes. "After all, isn't this what you wanted...to make love to you?" he asked, and I knew he was right.

I swallowed hard and was about to push away, when I felt his finger slide into me. I went instantly still, afraid to breathe, as fear overpowered me.

"Breathe baby," he whispered as he kissed down my neck. "Just get used to feeling of something in there and relax," he told me but as I tried to relax, I realized that it wasn't going to happen.

"Chris look at me," dad said firmly and I stared off to the side, because I did not want to meet his eyes.

I felt so small right then, because I had wanted this, and now I was afraid to do it.

"No dad I can't," I said, feeling embarrassed by my bodies fear.

"Trust me son, I won't do anything else right now until you're ready," he said. "I just want to make new memories with you," and he kissed me as he pushed his finger in deeper and then withdrew it slowly, letting me feel the slight friction.

It didn't hurt, but it was just a very odd sensation. I bit my lip as he pushed his finger in again, and this time the feeling was good.

"Oh God," I said because I needed to said something.

He smiled at me and squeezed more lube on his fingers. As he pushed his finger in again, it was with two fingers this time.

"Stop" I cried out at the pain.

"Push out Chris," he said, "I have been reading about this and it said to just breathe and push out," and his voice was filled with tenderness. "Daddy would never hurt you," he added and he kissed my neck.

I did as he said and his lubed fingers began to slowly fuck me as he kissed me, as his tongue tease mine to the rhythm of his hand. He pushed in and I gasped, pushing down against his hand, and the feeling was wonderful.

"I want you inside of me," I said and I couldn't believe I said it after all the fear that I felt.

"I don't want to hurt you Chris, just let me do this," he said as he continued to fuck my ass with his fingers.

"Please daddy, make love to me... love me like only you can," I told him and I couldn't believe that I used those words.

Dad withdrew his fingers, and then he coated his cock with the lubricant. He pressed his hard cock against my ass and I tensed up as I waited for the intrusion. When it didn't happen, I relaxed as he began to kiss down my neck. He kissed me across my chest, flicking his tongue quickly over my nipples and gently bit them. He pressed forward and the head of his cock slides inside of me. The pain that hit me was immediate and intense, and I immediately tighten my ass muscles. I cry out from the pain even more and he looked at me and shook his head.

"We'll try this another time Chris, I'm not going to give you a memory of pain," he said, and I felt terrible for being such a ninny when this had been my goal.

"Will it ease?" I asked, and I knew that he would never lie to me.

"Yeah but I don't..." and I pressed my fingers to his lips.

"Then just stay there and kiss me until it does," I begged him, "don't stop Dad, I want this as much as you do right now," I told him as he lowered to my mouth and kissed me.

He kissed me, slow, deep and sensuously, and I felt his cock throbbing in my ass. He pushed further into me and waited again until he felt me relax as he continued to kiss me.

"That's much better," I told him as I bit his lip and tugged it with my teeth. "I love feeling you in me," I said and he smiled down at me.

I thrusted my hips up, allowing him to push in deeper, and I cried out when he did. Not in fear, or pain, but in exquisite pleasure, and he seemed to sense how I was enjoying it.

"Oh fuck yeah daddy, fuck your baby boy," I crooned out in euphoria as I realized my dream.

He began to thrust slowly and deeply into my ass, as he laid his body on mine. I imagined that he must have look like a frog for anyone looking down at him, with his legs bent the way they were. It would look as if he were swimming into me and using his legs as a propelling force. One hand held my hip as the other held me under my shoulders, and I bit his lip and pulled it back, teasing him as we kissed. After a quite awhile, our kisses became rough and frantic, as he pumped deep and hard into my ass and I pulled his hips into me.

"I'm going to cum daddy," I cried out as he reached his edge also.

"I'm going to cum too son," he howled, as he fucked my ass faster and deeper, and as he looked into my eyes I could see the hunger in his.

"Yeah I'm cumming right with you," I cried out seconds before dad thrusted his tongue into my mouth, and kissed me roughly as only a man would.

I shot my cum just as he did, and I felt him shoot deep into my ass, as my cum spurted out between our bodies. His kiss grew slow and languorous as he withdrew from me, totally spent. His body was still on top of me and I quickly wrap my arms around him.

"That's a hell of a new memory," I said with a smile.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked as he looked down at me.

I kissed him and laughed softly as I brushed his hair from his forehead.

"Delicious is all I can said dad, you felt delicious."

"Come on, be serious Chris," he said as he narrowed his brow at me.

I squeezed him tight against me, reassuringly, as I said...

"It hurt a bit at first, but then that pain quickly became pure pleasure. I enjoyed every single second of you inside of me dad, pain and all. It was as if you were in my head and knew exactly what I wanted and needed as you made love to me".

"Making love, huh?" Dad said with and smiled. "Look Chris, what we've just shared goes deeper than anything I've ever dreamed of. While I don't know the first thing of what love making is supposed to be like with a son or for that matter a man, because I have only made love your mother, I think I'm falling headfirst right into it." He said.

"And I'm right there to catch you daddy," and I sighed heavily.

He looked at me and smiled, and then he kissed me as I looked up at him and shook my head.

"We're going to do this again daddy, but we're going to do it better than anyone else can. Do you know why dad, because of what we have here for each other," and I pointed from his chest to mine and he laid his head on my chest.

"I'm falling for you really hard you know," he said and I could see the love in his eyes.

"Good," I said because I fell for you a long time ago dad.

"Come on, let's get up, get a shower, and go make dinner."

He reluctantly got up; dad held his hand out to me, and I put my hand in his as he pulled me up. As I walked into the bathroom with him, I suddenly felt very free...very satisfied... and very, very loved.

We showered again and then went downstairs to make dinner, two very contented men...

Things had somehow changed after our lovemaking, when he came home one day and told me...

"You need to find a real boyfriend," he said, "because fathers and sons can not, and do not fall in love with each other," and he shut me out completely from him.

I felt so estranged and deserted by him, and my heart ached for his touch but he never touched me again for many months thereafter. I watched him as he agonized over the months about what we had shared that night, and I wanted to help him understand that it was right what we had shared. It wasn't until our second time, which became the defining moment of our relationship, which I finally saw in his eyes that he had come to terms with our love. I think the second time was so intense because he had found peace with his feelings for me, and he so needed that peace. After he found that peace and we made love again, we never slept alone again. We became the lovers and partners we always wanted until his death. 

The second time:

This was still new to us. After out first time, he had been so afraid to touch me again, or even look at me and I was the young man who made it all seem perfectly normal even though my heart was breaking. It had been months since our first time and  I wanted him to know that me loving him and he loving me was ok and right,  but he needed to be ok with it in his time and I think that night he finally found the peace that he so desperately sought.

It began when we had gone out for dinner and a movie. When we got to the movie house, I opted to sit right up in the back row, and during the movie; in the darkness he held my hand. We were alone up there and I was surprised by this gesture. As we sat watching the movie, although I don't remember much, I was lost in my feelings for dad. When the movie had finished, I asked dad if we could take a drive when we got to the car. It was a lovely night and although I did not say this aloud to him, I was not ready to go home and jerk off to my need for him.

"It will seem like we are on a date, if I take you for a drive, so let's just go home," was all he said.

I was silent, because this was coming from the man who had just held my hand throughout most of the movie. I sighed and got into the car and the drive home was silent.

"I love you," was all I said as I got out the car and walked into the house.

He was close behind me and once inside the house, he pushed me against the wall, and he kissed me roughly as a man totally in love.  He pulled me closer and began kissing my neck, as his heartbeat quickened against my chest. He gave me chills and not to mention the hard-on that I was accruing as my body responded to his gestures. I responded with just as much urgency, as he dropped one hand and grabbed my cock inside my trousers. I returned the favor as I gently massaged his hard-on and he moaned as I squeezed a little bit harder. We were kissing and you know how it is, you do not want to say anything to ruin the moment, because you are afraid that if you do it will end it, so we both said nothing. It was as if we were on the same page with our thoughts, as he took my hand, led me to his bedroom, and turned on the lights. That is when it happened...the moment faded. We both stood there like two kids on their first date, uncomfortable, for what seemed like eternity until he grabbed me into his strong arms. He kissed me again passionately, and I was in heaven as he lifted my arms to remove my tee and I removed his shirt.

"I don't want to stop this Chris," he said as he gazed into my eyes. "It feels so right and I just want to hold you and never let you go," he said as his hands eased up my chest and his fingertips grazed my nipples.

I was at a loss for words. All I could think about at this very moment was the way that he held me as he kissed me. Because of all the people in the world, it was me that he desired and needed. I knew I would not hold out much longer, he was my daddy, my gorgeous daddy, and he wanted to make love to me.  He kissed me as he pinned me against the wall with his body covering mine. I felt his cock through his pants as it pressed against mine, and we kissed. Our bare chests were pressed tightly together and I felt so desired in his strong arms. I wanted to see, taste, and feel his cock as it rubbed against my face, thigh and stomach. However, more than that, I wanted my daddy's cock in my ass. 

"Son, I love you, and today I want you to know this. I have been hiding my feelings for you and yes, I have been afraid, but no more," he said as he looked into my eyes. "I want you... I need you... I love you, and I'm going to make you the happiest man on earth as my boyfriend and lover," and then he pulled me towards him and kissed me hard. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, as he tasted and teased me with his kisses. They were soft and gentle kisses that were filled with yearning for me, before they soon turned hard and passionate, as they became lustful for my body. I was stunned to say the least, and he knew I wanted to respond to his affection, but he would not let up to give me a chance.

Once our kisses ended, I could see the desire in his eyes as he stepped forward and I wrapped my arms around his neck.  I felt his hands at my button and zipper, and soon he had my jeans open and half way down my hips. I moved him towards the bed, because I knew I couldn't stop now even if I wanted to, and we undressed each other in frenzy.  As he fell onto the bed, he pulled me down with him, as we kissed. He got on top of me, kissed me, and let his cock move against mine.  He nibbled my ear, and made my cock jump against his as he filled me with desire.

"I want to make love to you son," he said softly in my ear. "I want you so much, but I won't consider this fucking...not when it feels like this," and I grabbed his hips and pulled them tight against mine as my eyes filled up from the emotion and openness he was showing.

He shook his head and moved away, turning and lying down beside me, so that his hips were at my head. It was then that I realized what he was doing, sixty-nine, and just seconds later; he had his hot mouth wrapped around my cock.  I thrusted into his hot mouth without thinking, and I heard him moan as he sucked on my cock.  His cock was right in my face, hard and ready, and I tasted his pre-cum as I took it into my mouth. We were writhing on the bed, as if he were actually fucking my cock with his mouth and mine in his. It felt good to have his cock in my mouth I thought, as we sucked each other. However, we both knew there would be more to this night than sucking, and I grew harder as I anticipated what was to come. He pressed a wet finger to my hole...playing with me...teasing my hole for a while, before finally letting his forefinger sink in all way.  I sucked my breath in and looked down at him, as he sucked my cock and I was filled with desire for him. I had been without him for so long since our first time, that it felt good to be touched by him again. I couldn't take it any longer, as I got up and straddled his hips kissing him, as our passion and lust built within us. He reached across the bed and rummaged through the bedside table for the lube, and once he had his cock lubed up, it was time.  I rested my ass against the head of his penis, my knees resting on either side of his hips; the lubricant was warm and so very slick, as I placed my hands on his shoulders.

"What exactly do you want Chris?" he asked. "I don't have anything to give you but me and my love," he said, as his eyes filled with tears.

"Dad, all I want is you and your love," I said, as I felt the head of his cock enter me, and he watched as my eyes closed and my body shivered as I impaled myself on his cock. 

He moved us carefully up the bed, as he propped a few pillows behind his back and head, and he pulled me tight against his chest and hugged me.  As I sat myself fully on his cock, we both gasped and neither of us moved, as we enjoyed the sensations we were feeling. It felt unbelievably good, and I leaned forward and began kissing him... slowly and tenderly, as he began to move.  I ground my ass into him, holding him in me, as I moved in a vice like manner on his cock.  I loved the way he felt, moved and especially the way he looked at me with such desire in his eyes.  A smile began slowly growing on my face as his eyes met mine, and we locked in a loving gaze.  I could feel his cock deep within me, and it amazed me being connected to him in this way.

"Oh my God son, what are you doing to me," he asked, as I sped up my movements and wrapped my hand with his around my cock; and we stroke it with the same rhythm. He pulled me down to him, and his mouth found mine and I kissed him. I kissed him hard and lustfully as if I could swallow him whole. The passion that I felt for my dad was leading me, guiding me as I pleasured him.  I drove him insane with the way I moved, my muscles clenching around his cock, and he was driving me insane with the way he moved deep inside me. He thrusted deeper, quicker into my ass, and then he tried to slow, to give me a chance to cum first. Nevertheless, I rode him to the same rhythm and he wasn't able to hold back any longer.  He looked into my eyes as he cried out in ecstasy...

"Oh fuck son I'm cumming," and shot deep into my ass, as he filled me with the very seed that had created me. 

I came as soon as he did, as I spurted my cum over his stomach and I moaned and moved slowly, unable to stop as we were controlled by our rhythm.  He pulled me down and kissed me, and held me tight against him as our after glow carried us away to paradise. I wanted more of him, and soon, I too would feel what it's like to have him squeezing my cock with his hot hole. However, that's a story for another time...

I knew in my heart of hearts, as I lay in his strong arms, that this had become the defining moment in our relationship. We had moved from being father and son, and were now Michael and Chris...lovers, partners, and so much more, for the rest of our lives.

As I reflect back on our life together, he gave me so much more than just life, he gave me the love that I needed, wanted and desired. My dad and I were together for fifteen years, as I count from the first day we kissed. I was fifteen he was forty, and I must say a very sexy forty. He was tall and lean, with blue eyes and black hair and I cannot believe that I am hard thinking about him right now. It was after our second time making love that I stopped calling him dad and I just called him Mike. Although now and again we called each other dad and son, it was once we had consciously decided that we were lovers, partners and committed to each other; we just became two people in love. He was Mike and I was Chris.

For my thirtieth birthday, we went away for the weekend. Far away, where nobody knew us and while on a hike, he fell and hurt his leg. After two weeks of non-recovery, I took him to the doctors and bone cancer was discovered. It took him four months to die from the time that he was diagnosed in December until his death in April. It left me numb and very devastated and I still have not recovered, but then I doubt I ever will.

I kept a journal during his illness, and it was therapy for me to write my thoughts those last few months. I would like to share something I wrote in my journal with you...

What the fuck, why was this happening to me again, did God hate me so much he was making me go through the pain and suffering of cancer twice in this lifetime? Ok the first time I remember very little, but now, how was I going to cope with this even though I knew I had to? There was no way I was going to breakdown in front of Mike, not now not ever. From today on there would be no more tears, well at least not in front of him. My tears would be silent tears, lonesome tears; tears of utter sadness and loss, there would be no tears of joy. I know we did not know how far the cancer had spread but my motto was always prepared for the worst and if the best comes along all the better. Now, after the diagnosis, the look in his eyes...they hold a blank expression and have gone so cold instantly, he was shutting me out and it scared me." - Journal Entry 16 December

The treatment was awful. Six weeks into chemo and Mike was so sick and frail he looked like a starving victim from one of those famine disaster areas. No matter what, our lives went on.  I would not let the disease ravage his mind. I read to him, and we would laugh and watch TV together. At night when he was feeling cold, I would lay under all those blankets with him, and I would see the appreciation in his eyes.

Four months was all it took this cancer to totally infest his body. I remember lying in the bed with him, his breathing so laboured, and all I wanted was for him to die. He could not and I did not want him to suffer like this anymore. I looked over at Mike and I knew he could not hold out much longer. His life was slipping away and it would be all over soon. As I lay there next him, I reached out to trace his face with my fingertips, it was a face that I had already burned into my memory, but I needed to do it just one more time.  I clung to him, but he is so far away from me even though we lay side by side.

"I love you daddy," I would say to him, because I needed him to take those words with him.

I had finally come to terms that this was how it was going to end, not together as we had always hoped for in some terrible crash or disaster, but alone. Life never goes the way we plan it, it has to throw you a curve ball every now and again, and brother this was one hell of a curve ball.

I knew he said at the beginning of his cancer that when the time comes, I must leave him and let him die alone. However, I could not, and would not I told him and I lay there next to him. I had asked the nurse to leave us alone so that our last moments together could be ours alone. I looked at him lying there, and all I saw was the man I fell in love with all those years ago. I did not see the man the cancer had destroyed with the gaunt face, pale clammy skin, soft scalp, delirious, delusional mass of skin and bone. I saw that handsome man that stole my heart and made me. He was that vibrant and loving man, which loved me with all his being.

I do not know how I slept that night, I was afraid, and yet at the same time, strangely at ease. I closed my eyes and listened to him breathe as I held his body to me, and I prayed that God would take him away soon. I did not want him to suffer any more, and when I made that that declaration to myself and to God, I felt at peace. I was ready to let him go, he did not have to hold on for me or for my sake any longer. I was his son, lover, partner and he was my dad, my lover and partner. I was petrified that he would die without me and I did not want that. I had to be there in his final moments and I was.

"Let go honey, please daddy let go," I said sobbing.

Then suddenly unexpectedly, he opened his eyes, smiled and whispered to me.

"Honey, I love you. I love you son," he said, and I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him and waited for him to go and leave me behind.

His breathing stopped an hour later. I could feel his body next to me, his chest still, the gentle movement gone.  He was still warm as if he was asleep and I lay there next to dad, thankful that his pain and suffering was all over. For a moment I was convinced, that he was still breathing and his heart still beating, but I knew the only heart beating in our bed was mine.

"Goodbye sweetheart, I love you daddy," and I cried as my heart broke.

I was numb the entire time, through the wake and funeral. Although I knew he was no longer suffering my arms ached to hold him yet one more time. As they say, time heals all wounds, and now I have those memories that dad wanted to make with me. It shall be those memories that will keep him alive in my heart until the day that we are reunited in heaven. I will move on, because that is what dad would have wanted me to do. Will I ever take a lover, only time will tell? However, dad gave me enough love to last my lifetime so I think I will just enjoy that love.

The End

Your comments appreciated at cniemack@gmail.com or at authorbc2@aol.com Thanks Chris and Bernie.