Date: Sat, 2 Jul 2016 21:59:01 -0600 From: MG Subject: I'm In Control Part 1 Disclaimer: This story depicts sex between consenting teenage boys and situations involving sexual abuse. If this is a trigger for you, I advise caution while reading this. If you're under the age of 18 or If this offends you, leave this page. If this is illegal where you live... you should move. Read at your own risk. All names and locations have been changed to respect anonymity, any resemblance encountered is completely coincidental. Please do not download for any use outside of personal without the author's consent. I'll be replacing chapter 1 and 2 because this story is diverging heavily from what I'd originally intended it to be and I found that I like it more for what it's become rather than what it was. If you'd like to give feedback or have any general questions regarding the story, I can be reached at XX20.I1.XIII3@gmail.com ___ I'm I'm Control, Part One People always see me as an innocent boy. It's a snap judgement for the most part because I'm white - blonde hair, blue eyed and a red blooded, all American boy who played baseball and wrestled for the school. Maybe because I was a little on the small side they assumed I had the basic understanding that adults expected of a kid my age, but to be fair, I was polite and cordial. If they could see me now, laying in bed with a boy two years my senior, his cock squeezed tightly in my ass, coupled with my throbbing erection and the ropes of clear cum across my belly and chest, I'm sure they'd blush a billion shades of red. His name was Jack, and I wasn't in love with him. I promise... I wasn't. He wasn't my life, he didn't define me. Jack was just Jack. He was just my brother, just a boy as fucked up as me. Even if he wasn't my brother, I'd still be his best friend. He'd still fuck me, we'd still be together all the time. Funnily, I never really considered myself "gay", and I would never consider him to be my boyfriend. Ironic, I know. To be honest, I wouldn't like being called anyone's "boyfriend." It just sounded to fucking cheesy to me. That, and the fact that he was my brother, exclusive wasn't in the picture. Wasn't even possible. He was in love with someone else, anyways. A boy three years my senior, one year Jack's, Kyle was the fuel for a million of my orgasms and a trillion of Jack's. Kyle didn't consider himself gay, bisexual was more accurate as he'd had plenty of girlfriends and went through probably a couple hundred condoms with them, once seven with a girl and Jack at the same time. Kyle didn't even like any other boys or men save for my brother, and me occasionally. Though, all three of us were the same in that regard, Caleb and I just had an urge for each other stronger than one for any girl. Their story is actually hilarious. To me, anyways. When Kyle and Jack started middle school, Jack and I weren't talking so much, and for reasons I'll talk about later, that affected Jack quite a bit. He was in a slump. Kyle was in the 7th grade when Jack started, and they shared a few classes together - Jack was book smart, he requested to be bumped to a higher level in Math and Science (the principal bowed to both of our every wishes, it seemed like). Well, Jack sat next to Kyle in both classes. They got along pretty well, though Jack was having an incredibly difficult time accepting the fact that he was gay. He caught feelings for Kyle and it freaked him out to the point that Jack pushed Kyle away and even began to be rude and spiteful. Well, Kyle was oblivious as to why Jack hated him, so they feuded with each other for a while until they were forced to work together on a science project. On the last week of said project, after not doing jack shit (get it?), they swallowed their pride and met at the public library. They got caught up in their work in the back. The librarian, bless her soul, was old. Very old. And the security guard was lazy. McDonalds and donuts lazy. The building closed and before Jack and Kyle yelled and ran to the front of the building, the librarian, bless her fucking soul, couldn't hear them pounding on the door. Security guard was in the back room, probably doing nothing. They were literally stuck in there all night. Well, they were pretty much forced to talk, and the reason is funny. Kyle wanted to separate and just stay in different parts of the library. Jack is absolutely terrified of being alone in the dark. Fuck, at that age, he was pretty terrified of being alone. Kyle pestered Jack as to why, and got an answer he didn't want - a very small part of the answer. Kyle has this innate need to protect people, and that shifted to protecting Jack. The rest is history - after the security guard saw Jack and Kyle doing inappropriate things on the camera. I like when Jack tells me that story because his super macho, overprotective attitude kinda drifts into a softer, mushy one. Fuckin' pussy. As for me, the years Jack and I weren't "together", I actually found someone as well by accident in the "drug ditch" looking for my brother. He was someone I thought I loved. The circumstances are fucked, a story for another day - but his name was Caleb and we instantly snapped in tune with each other. I was captivated by him. His dishwater hair, shaved short, his very open sleeveless shirt with near gaping holes on the sides gave me a wonderful view of his taut chest and four pack of abs that were much more developed than mine in a very teenager sort of way, those pink nipples were boyish, though, and his face was as well. It would be boyish for a while, dimensionally, it was starting to develop those teenager angles to it, but his eyes, his smile and his nose stayed beautiful like a boy's. As cheesy as it sounds, "love" at first sight was definitely real for me. Caleb was Kyle's oldest friend, and Kyle often brought Caleb with him to hang out with Jack at the drug ditch - Jack wasn't exactly the most... legal of people. But, I'd never met Kyle either. And Kyle, on the other hand wasn't pretty. No, he was beyond that. He was so hot that I popped fucking wood at ten years old seeing him fully clothed. At thirteen, he'd been a wrestler all his life and had a very tight, very cut body. His abs were visible twenty-four seven, probably even through large, ski jackets, the muscles in his arms and his chest, even in his back looked tensed when they weren't and somehow, he retained a soft skin and comforting hug. I expected him to feel like a fucking rock. And holy shit, the first time I ever saw Kyle naked was like having my first orgasm all over again. His penis was perfect. Absolutely perfectly proportioned to his body, hanging over perfectly round balls. By god, that boy knew how to have sex. Since Jack refused to be "boyfriends" with Kyle, Kyle immaturely declared their lack of exclusivity as well. It pissed him off that Jack didn't mind. Like I said, sex with Kyle was... damn good. Sex with Caleb was amazing because of the feelings, and the discovery of our bodies on both parts. He was a bit clumsy, sometimes too gentle, but when he got urgent, that's when he outshined Kyle. Kyle was just an orgasm machine. It was probably innate, came with the whole Adonis package. Not to say Kyle had no feelings, because there were occasions when he did show a fondness that surfaced from deep within him. Something he'd pushed down until some substance, usually weed, released it. There was a point in time when Kyle liked me. He knew my brother, obviously, but Jack still had a lot of issues with being gay and the "boyfriend thing". Kyle saw Jack in me. But I was so blinded by Caleb that Kyle was rarely anything outside one of my best friends and amazing sex. I probably led him on unknowingly. Caleb and I weren't exclusive because neither of us thought of the other as a partner. Not really ever, and I didn't think of Caleb like I thought of Jack. Caleb couldn't hold me and protect me. He was a friend I loved as a friend - I'd later come to that conclusion. For Kyle, I could think of him like Jack. I lead him on and I didn't mean to. I used to ask him to hold me because Jack wouldn't. Kyle was just as strong and warm. I cuddled him in our sleep and looked up to him like I looked up to my brother. And Kyle just had a big heart and wanted to protect both Caleb and I. We had... rough childhoods. His dad was an enraged alcoholic and beat Caleb as a kid so badly that the broken bones in his ribs still stuck out just a bit from never properly healing. His mom took six Vicodin and slit her wrists in the bathtub while Caleb was doing homework in the next room. And as for me, well... it was the answer Kyle wasn't ready for in that library. It's funny. There's always this strange contest between scarred people to prove that their life was worse than everybody else's. For me, I didn't even like remembering it, much less tell it to people and use it as a guilt tool for attention. Neither did Caleb. But, if we were competing, I'd say I would win. My mom was once happily married. She'd always had a problem with the "upper" variant of drugs, specifically cocaine, seeing as it was the best thing since sliced bread back in the late eighties, when she spent her early teenage years. She had her first child at a rather young age, eighteen I believe. 1993 was when the oldest of my brothers, Ryan was born. Due to the young age, Ryan's dad was forced to get a job performing manual labor and she worked nights at a diner (so cliché, I know, but this shit actually happens). They lived in a modest home in a bad part of town. A very bad part of town. But they kept to themselves and survived. Seven years later, my older brother surprised them both. The year 2000 saw Jack born. Jack was apparently a good baby, but nobody cares about that shit. A year after Jack was born, his dad passed away to some sort of epidemic disease that plagued the country. Just kidding, he slipped in the bathtub and cracked his head open on the soap holder after drinking nearly a full bottle of gin at a party. We now have a friction pad on all of our bathtubs. Mom was distraught. She spiraled down into a pit of depression amplified by booze, which was the primary reason I was born. She'd gone to school with my dad, didn't really know him very well and he'd moved far away after high school. He was a "struggling musician", probably just an idiot with a guitar who didn't want to work for a living. He came through her diner when she was closing while visiting a grave or some shit. They fucked in attempts to ease their depression. Apparently, the guy was very good looking. But his face reminded her of the pain she was in when she fucked him. Anyways, his name was Luke. In 2003, I was born. Whaddya know, she named me Luca after her musical hunk. And yes, Luca, not Lucas. Motherfucking Luca. I'm not even gonna tell you my middle name. Anyways, before I was even born or conceived, she was already excessively drinking and spending paychecks on cocaine until she couldn't afford it and moved to amphetamines. Mostly just Gatorade meth, though she'd take Ryan, Jack and I to the doctor claiming we had horrid ADD and get Adderal and Vyvanse. She was smoking and snorting while I was being... developed? (What do you call that) I was born premature by about a month and was very sick and very dependent on amphetamines. I had SPD, Sensory Perception Disorder. Well, still have. I'd always been small for my age and always smart. But, I was in this constant state of mania due to enhanced senses, I could never calm down. As a baby, I'd scream for hours and my mother was completely unable to console me. My fuckin' brother raised me because mom decided she'd had enough of my craziness. As a kid, the mania only got worse and I'd have panic attacks at school. I was incredibly irritable and violent. If I felt as though someone was even thinking about making fun of me in any way, I'd go ballistic on their ass. I was also extremely needy for physical contact, generally to be held so I felt protected because I was always on edge, living in a constant fear of... nothing, really. Ryan was patient with me, and to this day, my favorite person in the whole world. Jack was a close second. Ryan had no issues letting me sleep in his bed and holding me tight until I fell asleep, where he took that opportunity to put me back in mine and Jack's bed. And Jack just innately snuggled anything (god, I loved that about him). Things got hellish at age six when "Uncle" Paul moved in to "help with the children". Not my uncle - thank fucking god. He was a meth head himself, an alcoholic and a sick fuck who used my mom's constant meth binges where she disappeared for days, sometimes even weeks as an opportunity to... well, do less than appropriate things to me and my brother Jack. Less than appropriate. Hah. More like outright evil things. Ryan was sixteen, he'd taken on two full time jobs to support us because mom was just abusing social security to buy drugs. He was rarely home. This went on for three years. We were degraded and used for a whole three years, brutally. One day, Jack had enough of it. He hit Paul with his metal baseball bat, which only enraged the man. He grabbed it and smashed the bat over the side of Jack's head, fucked me with all his rage and left. I sat in pain. That pain where you just know that something's not right. And that was at the back of my mind. I sat against the wall, shocked into terror, just staring right at Jack's way too still form. Me, being an SPD kid, nobody was around to hold me, and I just wailed. I don't believe in God. But that day, either some deity was looking down on me with pity, or I had a stroke of pure fucking luck. Ryan had been given the day off. He heard me wailing and ran around the side of the house, and into the shed, saw me sitting naked in a pool of Jack's blood. Everything after that just turned sideways. The ambulance was called, and Ryan was thrown into a pit of rage at seeing that Paul was in the house. He confronted the man and an altercation broke out, resulting in a murder investigation when my brother shot the man two times. Something inside me was all fucked up, I was in surgery, Jack was in surgery, I couldn't see him for a about a week and I was going ballistic because he was the only person that made me feel protected when I was that scared and delusional. CYFD and the Sheriff's Dept. wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. After the surgery, all the sudden mom was acting like she cared about me and the worst thing outside of my brother's diagnosis and my labels was that they held Ryan in a cell for two weeks and Jack was unconscious in an ICU. Neither couldn't hold me or make me feel better in any way, just temporarily through phone calls. Jack woke up, and he wasn't retarded, thank god, and the hospital was completely unable to separate us without both of us going mad. Mom then coddled him. We were shoved unwillingly in a children's support group and forced into seeing a psychiatrist who gave me a million and a half pills to make me feel like a robot, labeling me with "early onset bipolar, PTSD, disassociation-blahblah blah." I hate to sound like the typical "Edge Lord emo kid," but I know that none of them could ever understand what it was like to be robbed of everything. Every fucking thing - innocence, childhood, sense of self, paternal love, fuck, maternal love even. They didn't know what it was like to hate yourself for actually enjoying some of what you went through. They couldn't begin to fathom what it was like to have no definition of yourself, to have to be defined by a rapist and your brother - who loved you so much and protected and cared for you like nobody had while being totally unable to return that love. Ever. Ryan was placed on probation until he was 18 and was shoehorned into seeing the same fucking shrink that Jack and I saw. Jack became reclusive and even more violent, hateful toward mom for lying to the officers about both how she treated me and her drug addiction. If mom came so much as ten feet near him, he'd scream and yell and throw shit saying how much he hated her and how much he wanted her to just kill herself. He scared the living shit out of me. I couldn't calm him down for anything, though he did seem to see me through his red haze, he would make damn sure I was never hit and he'd even grab my wrist and force me behind him like mom was going to kill us. Only Ryan could calm him down. Jack became extremely uncomfortable with any sort of contact with any human being except for me, we'd been... making contact with each other for four months. He would flinch away from Ryan, even. I was the only one. In fact, he vied for my contact. I wasn't so much uncomfortable being touched, though I did suffer from things like night terrors, panic attacks, flashback, pissing the bed and stuff like that, regressing into childish practices like pissing the bed and sucking my thumb. Just more ammunition for mom to use against me. I became increasingly violent myself and nothing could calm me down, only Jack very rarely. I'd swing at anybody in my general vicinity, throw horrible fits and scream insults. It got to the point where I was accompanied by a school security guard every school day. (Principle thought it was in bad taste to expel a rape victim. She really meant it was bad press. And, she always respected our wishes when we were doing good - hence why we could ask for shit and she'd give it). I rarely got angry at home, not even at mom because instead of being angry, I just wanted someone to love me and hold me, which Jack usually did. I pretty much only got mad at Jack for stupid shit. That evolved when he was eleven and I was nine. Puberty was the most confusing time for him in his entire life. He liked girls but didn't want them to touch him. He was also attracted to boys, which made him guilty and afraid that he'd be like Paul. He cried a lot, and wanted to be alone a lot. Especially when he'd cut Kyle off. He didn't know Kyle was his cure for his fear. My cure manifested differently. Ryan got legal and grew in his closet. Weed calmed both me and Jack down to the point of being normal again which was a massive, massive achievement on weed's part. THC was the real MVP. Jack told me that he could sort things out now and figure out why he was sad or why he had urges to do things. He let people touch him again, not everybody, but people he knew. He admitted his attraction to boys and his fantasy of putting his dick inside them after the library incident. Our psychiatrist said that it was normal for people like us to experience sexual fantasies. She set up a clear boundary system with him that he never, ever crossed. My libido flared dangerously and never went away, even at nine years old. I was hyper sexual in manic states of bipolar episodes and I knew all about sex from Paul. I initiated it with Jack. Back in the bad days, we were forced to do things to each other and grew to like them. One night in bed, I faced him. He was wide awake in the middle of the night like I was, but we hadn't said a single word. I was craving... well, I was craving dick. The moment I touched him, everything got urgent. Hands were in undies and cocks were in hands. I shook and he spat some watery cum inside his briefs. He held me and we went to sleep. Satisfied and protected, I fell in love with this act. This became so regular that we just stopped wearing clothes to bed. It evolved, and not in a good way, and Jack started to feel guilty. Eventually, he got involved with the wrong people and started coming home less and less until he practically moved out at twelve years old. Ryan was pissed and they had a fight and I was forced to let go of Jack's warmth at night. Ryan got accepted into college out of state and left when I was nine, promising to come home often. I was alone completely now. Up until I had a panic attack in my bed at ten years old and decided it was a good idea to walk in the rain at midnight to try and find Jack. I was delusional and ended up falling down in a concrete ditch that was pretty flooded. The "drug ditch" where Jack frequented, along with thousands of other teenagers, but only a few that night. Two boys waiting for Jack to make a run and come back. Caleb saw me fall into the ditch and ran down it's sides into the near-waist deep rain water to save me. And he succeeded. I'd just hit my head and nearly drowned, so I was pretty unreasonable and delusional, and fucking pissed, but it was Kyle who managed to calm me by simply wrapping his coat around me and zipping it up. Kyle had this sixth sense, I swear to god, where he can just tell when people needed to be protected. He hugged me and I never wanted him to let go. They took me to Kyle's house to get changed and let me rest. Caleb, who'd been drunk and high all night, passed out and I got to sleep next to him in the nude because my shorts were being washed. He just had boxers on. He cuddled me in his sleep, but nothing happened. Jack was hysterical when he got to Kyle's. Caleb and I talked for several hours when we woke up and I'm sure by the end I was already in love. At ten years old. It was infatuation, really. Once they knew I was alone in my house, I stayed the week at Kyle's house, which Caleb pretty much lived at. Jack was wary of this and started staying away from the house pretty noticeably. It only made me feel unwanted. And the fact that Jack didn't tell me about him and Kyle (which made Kyle kind of afraid to tell me) made me feel even less important. But Kyle's mom was amazing. She coddled me for sure and I loved it because I hadn't ever experienced that before. Caleb, Kyle and I slept in a queen sized bed. I was a hardsleeper. When I was out, I was fuckin' dead. But one night, I was woken by a nightmare. Kyle and Caleb didn't hear me gasp I guess, because Kyle just kept on humping away at Caleb's ass. I always thought I'd be repulsed at seeing that sight again, but when I saw Caleb's face, it just turned me on to a new level of horny. Caleb was not only loving it, he was practically begging for it. His dick even stayed hard. This wasn't like what I experienced. There were two sides to everything and this was the good side. They caught me and freaked out, I told them they didn't have to stop, they gave me the lame "older boys do older boy things..." Yeah, I called bullshit and told them I knew exactly what they were doing because someone did it to me once. I didn't explain the context, and wouldn't for awhile. They were surprised and the rest is, as they say, history. From that day on, we all played "big boy" games (God, that sounds so dumb) together. Neither ever stuck it in me, though. I was afraid that if I ever told them what happened to me, they would outright refuse to stick it in me, and Kyle was afraid Jack would kill him. I never told Kyle about having it "done to me" before, and even now I consider Kyle as the one to take my virginity. I lost my virginity to him when I was eleven, he was fourteen. He was drunk and high, I was high as a kite - yes, in my neighborhood, eleven year olds smoked pot, I was smoking at nine with my brothers. I really looked up to Kyle. He was always nice to me, always patient and definitely coddled me like I wanted Jack to. And he was very fond of me. Anyways, we'd been at a small bonfire at the lake and he went with me to go take a piss, saying that I needed to be "protected if anything attacked." I now know that was bullshit, but I still liked it. I didn't know where Caleb was, probably getting sucked on by a girl that we knew who frequently sucked a lot of cocks. Jack was doing illegal shit. Anyways... After I pissed, I found Kyle staring at the small cliff and across the moon-reflected lake, two beers in his hands, one open and one not yet opened. I knew it wasn't for me, he didn't let me drink. He was quiet before he took a swig and said; "take your trunks off." Don't worry, it wasn't an order, just a playful dare. Before I could reply, he chugged down the remainder of his beer and tossed off his shirt and tugged down his nylon shorts - he wasn't wearing underwear so I saw his naked ass in the moonlight. He never wore underwear. Fuck, none of us ever wore underwear. I was high and feeling adventurous so I followed his lead, stripping down to nothing in the warm summer night. He walked toward me, popping the top of his second beer and literally chugging it down in front of me which was fine with me because with his head tilted back and his arm cocked up, I got to stare at his body any way I wanted. At this point, I wasn't really scared of being caught though. Everything stared at Kyle when he was naked, even Nature held its breath. Even at just fourteen years old with his chiseled abs and developing chest and cut as fuck arms. A gym junkie, obviously. He finished his beer with an exhale of breath and tossed the bottle away. He stood in front of me and turned, lowering himself down. "Get on." I wasted no time, and I wasn't even embarrassed that he could feel my boner against his back. I just loved being so close to him. He was warm and he smelled like weed, beer, sweat and axe. Had I been older, I would've been leaking precum all over his back and not just smearing a tiny bit. As he walked forward, I then realized what he was planning. "Wait, Kyle, don't..." I hated heights. I'd never had the balls to jump off the cliffside. Not that it was massive, but to an eleven year old with SPD, everything was larger than life. He turned an eye to me and asked, "do you trust me?" I gulped. "You won't let go?" I asked meekly. He smiled and shook his head, setting me back down. He held my hand as we walked to the edge of the cliff and he turned his back to it. "Stand in front me and turn around." I complied. "Cross your arms over your chest." My heart beat faster as I did. He leaned down a little bit and wrapped his strong arms around me. The feel of his body calmed me. "I'm gonna hold you tight. Don't worry, I won't let go." I nodded. He placed his chin on my shoulder. "Push your head back against my shoulder real tight." I felt his breath on my cheek and smelled the beer lingering. My head pounded faster and faster and my breath became more and more shallow. He chuckled. "Luca, calm down. Would I ever hurt you?" That actually managed to calm me a bit. I shook my head and took a deep breath. "Close your eyes and hold your breath." I did and he walked slowly back to the very edge of the cliff before yanking me firmly into his arms and jumping back first. That feeling when your stomach lurches uncomfortably was curbed tremendously by the sound of his whooping voice, by his strong arms wrapping so tight, his chest and groin pressed against my backside could've melted into me. I felt free, soaring through the air and half expecting to die. Strange, I know, but maybe it was because I'd be dying with him holding me. I wouldn't be alone. We hit the lake's surface in a crack and a shock of cold followed by muffled underwater. I realized why he wanted me to press my head firmly back now, my head kinda hit his collar bone uncomfortably hard. He loosened his grip on me as we descended a bit deeper into the lake, and I turned around, only for him to wrap me back up tightly before kicking to the surface, dulling the sudden shock on my way too sensitive skin. We both inhaled and opened our eyes. He was in a state of bliss, his green eyes were so bright, he could've lit up the whole valley. I knew he was even happier because he could tell I had fun. He laughed and pulled me into a tight hug, kissing me on the forehead. "I told you I wouldn't let go." I nodded and lay against his chest. He just held me and stroked my back, and I could feel the happiness swarming around him. "Hey, let's swim to the other bank. There's a clearing further in and the stars are really bright out here." He said in a half whisper. I nodded. "Kay." He let go and challenged me to a race, which he obviously won, but I was having way to much fun to worry about it. I was normally a sore loser anyway. He pulled himself into the rocky surface, motioning me to follow. "C'mon!" His perfect smile flashed at me. We ran all the way down to the clearing. I thought he'd planned all of this at first, seeing the blankets on the stony surface, a tent with a cooler resting in a small hole filled with water. "Me and Caleb camp out here a lot when his dad flips out." Kyle explained. That meant they fucked out here all the time. "Welcome to casa de... buttfuck?" I laughed."That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." He shrugged with a cheesy smile. He reached inside the tent and pulled out more blankets and a few pillows, creating a comfortable place to lie down and a black travel bag. He sat down and pat the spot next to him. "But won't we get the blankets all wet?" Kyle chuckled knowingly. "Trust me, these blankets are always wet." I snorted in amusement, knowing exactly what he meant. I sat next to him and he covered me with the blankets, pulling me to lie down with him. My head rested on his shoulder. "You're brave, Luca." He said softly. "Thanks." He rubbed my chest underneath the blanket. He always did that, and only to me. Even if I had a shirt, he'd lift it and rub me underneath that. I never knew why. "Kyle..." "Yeah, kid?" "How come you rub my chest?" Our voices were a low, near whisper. "Dunno." He answered. "My brother used to do it to me when I was scared. It relaxed me... maybe I do it cause I wanna protect you." That last part hit close to home, like he knew that Jack was avoiding me. At least I had Kyle. My eyes remained on the stars painting neon across the inky black sky. He did make me feel protected, like he was my armor and nothing could get to me as long as he held me. I snuggled closer to him. "I think you're my best friend." I admitted lowly. "What about Caleb?" "Well, Caleb is.. he's more than my friend." I answered. "He's like... I dunno." He chuckled. "You love him." "I dunno... maybe?" "Well, he's easy to fall in love with." "Do you love him?" I asked curiously. He nodded. "Very much. He's practically my brother." "Do you love him like a brother? Or... like I love him?" I felt him look down at the top of my head. "How do you love him?" I shrugged. "Like... I dunno, I always wanna be with him, he's the funnest person ever. Kinda sucks when he's not around." There was a small silence for a second, just the steady breathing from both of us and the thump of his heart against my back. "Sounds like you might love him." At the time, I didn't understand the small forlorn sound. "I love him like my brother... but I love someone else like that, though." I blushed lightly, a bit uncomfortably. "I... I don't wanna take him from you. Caleb, I mean." Kyle chuckled. "Dude, he's all yours. He's happy as fuck with you and we'll never be more than... whatever the fuck we are." Kyle chuckled causing me to as well. Our group dynamic was fucking weird. "Who's the person you love?" I asked. "Stop being nosy." He smiled. "Oh, come on! Who?" "None of your business, that's who." He poked my rib, causing me to jerk and giggle. " Besides... nothing's gonna happen anyways..." The sadness stung me. "Let's just chill, no more about mystery boy." I snuggled further into him. "Sorry..." "Hey, don't worry. I still got you." He kissed my damp hair. His hand on my chest made me feel very good. Very relaxed. The sound of the summer breeze silenced us, carrying with it the smell of the fresh lake that mixed with the smell of his body, only a slight smell of axe lingering. There was a moment where everything kind of just... changed. I couldn't tell you what caused it or why it happened, maybe it was because we suddenly realized we were nude and his soft cock was pressed against my butt, but his rubbing became methodical, lingering purposefully on my nipples and then slowly lowering until he stroked my belly. His breath was a bit heavier and his heart beat faster and faster. I was no stranger to this. Caleb, Kyle and I fooled around together frequently, but never did the deed. I was boned up, five and a half inches stiff as a rock (yeah, I'm well-endowed and I'm proud), his was hardening slowly. At a point, he stopped lowering his hand, and stopped rubbing altogether for several moments. I wanted it. "Kyle...?" "Shh." He said quietly. "I'm gonna make you feel good." He whispered lightly, his hot breath on my ear. My body started shaking in anticipation and pure horniness. I felt his body twitch as well, and his cock fully harden, still wet and now leaking more wetness. His hand grazed my hardness and softly fondled my balls. My chest tightened in anticipation. He wrapped his fingers around it and my legs stiffened, my breath got ragged and uncontrollable. His lips pressed against the back of my neck. He knew exactly what to do, how tight to grip me and how to gently pull my foreskin down and gently rub a finger along the tip. His hand was wet with my meager amount of cum, with a shake and a small whimper. That was just the first. I felt his cock press against me, and push gently. Oh, I wanted it so bad. Kyle was the type that didn't really ask. He could tell what people wanted and if he was going too far. He knew I wanted it. For a moment, his hand left me and he reached for something behind him. He shuffled for a second. I heard a light tear behind my head and then he reached down his body, pulling his cock away from my ass. There was another small rip and a slick squishy sound was heard. Then his fingers touched my hole, rubbing a warm, slick substance along it, and then pushing two fingers gently until they slipped inside. I shuddered. Holy shit, he was gonna do it. I hadn't done this in... maybe two years. It hurt at first and I tensed. "Relax." He whispered in an assuring tone. "Like you're in a hot tub." I nodded, taking a few deep breaths in and forcing my body to loosen. The moment I did, the pain stopped and he continued pushing his fingers in. His fingers were big... I was tight, and it felt strange and familiar. Too familiar. Flashes of Paul made me a bit sick. I didn't like it. My cock had gone limp. It was probably instinct, but I was way too scared to tell him to stop. Then, a tingle swept through my body, surging my dick back to life as he rubbed. I just remember thinking 'holy shit, that's new'. Never had I discovered my prostate, not even with Jack. Paul was then the last thing on my mind. Involuntarily, my body tensed, squeezing his fingers and my breath became even quicker, like I was running a race. My cock was leaking like a stream. And then slowly, he pulled out. My breath remained shallow and my eyes a bit wide at the sensation that still swept through my body, even though his fingers were out. That was what I thought it would be. The good side of being fucked. Hands all over my body, gentleness and an atmosphere that made mine and Jack's come back to mind. I needed Kyle to make me feel good and forget everything, like Jack and I needed each other for the same reason. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and his fingers touched my lips gently. "Taste." He encouraged. They smelled of green apple. I didn't even hesitate. Opening my mouth, his fingers rested on my tongue. The green apple flavor of that edible lube (thank god Kyle planned ahead) was mixed with my own taste and something about licking those fingers that had just been inside me turned me on even more. His cockhead, covered by the cold latex of a condom, pressed firmly against my hole. He reached down again and gripped his six and a half incher firmly. "Push like you're gonna shit." I nodded robotically and did as instructed, never being coached through this before. The pressure on my hole came to feel amazing because I knew what was coming next. His cockhead popped in and a surge of familiar, burning pain throbbed inside. I tensed and winced at the pain. He paused and gently rubbed my chest. "Remember, relax." He had no idea how much his voice and his hand made me relax. He reached up and grabbed another object from the bag and the thick smell of weed hit my nose. He gave me the pipe and flicked the lighter. This would relax me like no other. I inhaled deeply and held it for several seconds and then blew it out onto the blanket, wafting over it like fog. He took his own hit, smoke blowing in my hair before he gently kissed me, putting the pipe down and gently running his hands on my chest. "You're so beautiful, you know that?" It made my stomach leap. Jack told me this... a lot. It made me feel even more at home. "I'm not beautiful." I protested between breaths, just like I always did. "I'm a boy, boys are handsome." "You're perfect, how's that?" "Better" I nodded, hazy from the sexual charge that was coming back. "Have you and Caleb..." He asked. I shook my head. "I hope he doesn't get mad." Kyle said. "He won't." I responded. Kyle nodded. The THC hit my body like a wall in the next moment. Any pain was suddenly gone and I melted into his body and the blanket. He felt me relax and continued his push. I didn't resist at all and I felt little to no pain. My body was like soup. It just felt so amazing. That feeling of being filled by a cock. By a boy. By the sexiest boy in the world. He pulled out and I lightly groaned in protest. He flipped me on my back gently and pulled my legs up, positioning himself right at my hole. "Ready?" I nodded instantly. He rammed in and my back arched with a wave of pleasure. "Fuck, you're so perfect." He whispered jaggedly. I felt him rub my stomach lightly and looked down. I had dripped a small squirt of precum onto it from the pressure inside of me. He tasted it. Then he lowered himself onto me and gently pushed his lips into mine. His tongue invaded my mouth and wrestled with mine. I found it strange that that was our first kiss... I'd sucked his cock, swallowed his cum and he'd done the same for me. I one time sucked his cum off of Caleb's cock. But never kissed him. His kiss becoming more urgent, in turn making me hornier and just as urgent. My arms wrapped around his back and fingertips pulled at his skin. His hips began to move, pulling out and pushing his cock back in slowly. Methodically. I was pushing my breath into his mouth each time his cock slid back in. His lips began exploring my neck and my chest before coming back to my mouth and licking my tongue. And then he bit my lower lip gently, pulling just a bit. That was something that brought back some very sexy memories. Some rough, primal memories. His bite got a bit harder and I groaned. It made me so hot that I pushed myself into him as he thrusted back in. He sped up, releasing my lip and moving his mouth down my chin to my neck. Then he bit my skin, pulling just a bit. That was the first time I'd ever lost control of my own voice and whimpered with pleasured lust. I could tell that spurred him on. He pulled out of me and told me to turn over. I lay down on my stomach and his dick was in me the next second. He pushed deep and I groaned. I pulled my knees up and he followed. He pumped me at a steady pace. "You like it?" He asked in a lust filled voice. I absolutely loved it and nodded. "Ya..." "How hard do you want it?" "Harder." I breathed. He complied and sped up. "Harder..." His hips slapped against my ass and my insides felt as good as my cock did, I never knew pleasure like this existed. "Harder." Finally, he hit the speed and force that made me lose control of my voice and my body, shaking so violently at the lust and hormones shooting through me. I didn't even feel the buildup, I just blasted off into the most intense orgasm in my entire eleven and a half years. I soaked his blanket and my pillow, contracting almost painfully. He had to wrap me up and pull me into his arms to keep me from collapsing and smacking my head. His lips on my neck and his arms squeezing me just added to the whole thing. I was seeing white in my vision, my head was spinning and my body just kept on trying to expel sperm that wasn't there. Slowly, my body relaxed and my contracting turned into a light twitch. I shook like I was in a car on a dirt road and my awareness came back to me over time. "You're the most perfect boy in the world." He repeated. I didn't reply, my dick was still hard and I was still lost in horniness, despite the orgasm that nearly gave me a heart attack. His lips sucked on my neck. "I could fuck you all night." He whispered with lust flowing from his words. "Did you... cum?" I asked through rough breaths. "No, I almost did, but you were about to fall." He answered. "We can keep going if you want." I was surprised. Though, everything happening then was compared to the worst experience of my life which somehow I thought would be amazing if I wasn't forced into it. My view on sex was fucked, just like my psychiatrist said it would be. I wanted to keep going, but the slight pain in my hole couldn't take much more roughness. "If we go slower." I replied. "That won't do it." He chuckled lightly. "I'll tell you what, I'll make you cum one more time and then I'll stroke myself or something." "I'll suck it." I replied. "Okay." "I don't think I can cum again so soon." I breathed. "We both know you can." He said confidently. He reached over me and swiped some of my cum off of the blanket. "In fact, I'll make you cum with one stroke of your cock." "No you won't." Nobody could do that. I wasn't the longest lasting in the world, but generally, I could go for half an hour jerking myself off before I passed the point of no return when I was high. Jack spent some time with his hand down there and his mouth around my dick. Sober? Yeah, I'd blast off at a breeze. "Bet." He said mischievously. "Fine. Bet what?" "Hm..." He voiced. "Got it. If I win, you have to let me fuck you all night." "Ow." I giggled. "Why me? Caleb's just across the lake." "I told you why. Because you're fucking perfect." He kissed the back of my head. "Seeing you naked makes me so horny." He kissed my neck. "I've wanted to fuck you for a long time." "Really?" I asked. Kyle nodded. "I've shot so many times thinking of your tight hole." He gently rubbed said hole. "You game?" After that? I nodded. But... "If I win, you tell me who you love." I felt him gulp... "You're serious?" I nodded. He stayed silent, contemplating his decision for a second before replying. "Okay.... yeah, okay fine." He nodded. "I know you won't tell." Fuck. Now I had to last more than one stroke. "Okay. Let's do this." Kyle smirked again. His hands began roaming my body, and I was easily able to keep myself from getting way too horny. But then he started pinching them. That turned me on... He pushed his groin into my ass, and pushed that spot even harder. Oh, fuck him. This had to be cheating! He reached down and pinched the skin on my shaft, pulling my foreskin from my cockhead. Then he bit my neck and started pumping his cock into me. I tried so... so hard not to feel that, thinking about anything other than that situation to stay grounded. I was losing my cool. My control all but died when he pushed me down to my hands and grabbed a fistful of my hair, tugging at it and thrusting hard into me. There went my vocal control. He reached around me and grabbed my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, and grabbed the top of my cockhead tightly, pulling his cock out and biting my neck. This was it. He pinched and bit, his hand squeezed and massaged my cock, sliding slowly down. His cock pushed into me so slow, I could feel each inch. I groaned so loud, everyone at the bonfire across the lake probably heard me. It tingled, it felt so, so good what he was doing to my body. This feeling in my cock, on my nipple, inside me... The trick was not to clench. If I did, it was all over. His teeth left my neck and hand left my chest. He pulled my hair and cocked my head sideways, pressing his lips against mine, biting my lip again. If it was just a little harder on the pulling, I would've shot gallons instantly. Then he reached his hand down between my legs and cupped my balls. That was the moment I knew I'd won. All I had to do was play the part now. I moaned and squinted my eyes, breathing out "fuck..." Every few seconds. I acted like him squeezing my balls was my kryptonite. His hand made it to the base of my cock and began the journey back up. He continued as I groaned a drawn out moan that spurred him on. He was getting more turned on than me as I squirmed in his arms. I could tell he was getting a little worried, his grin started tightening more firmly and he even rubbed his finger around the tip of my dick. I won't lie, that actually nearly set me over the edge. But he made it to the top, even going a bit further and twisting his fist on the head of my dick. I smiled victoriously. "I was... kicked in the nuts as a kid. It hurts when people touch them." I explained in a smug, hoarse voice. "You sneaky little shit." He lightly smacked my shoulder. He let go of myballs and simply stroked my dick a few times. I pumped a few droplets of cum over his knuckles as my body spasmed. It wasn't as powerful as before, but it was still way more than usual. I chuckled again at my victory, and he slowly pulled his cock out of my ass. "Cocky, cocky." He rolled his eyes as I turned over and lay down on my back, staring up at him and his hard dick. He pulled off the condom and tossed it to the side. "Fuck." He shook his head, grinning at the irony in his defeat. He lay down next to me with his arms behind his back. I crawled over him, straddling his chest with my ass facing his face and grabbed hold of his dick. "So who is it?" I sucked the dick into my mouth. He breathed out a sigh when I swallowed his cock. "Fuck... Ugh I can't believe I lost." He shook his head. "Alright, the only person you can talk to about it with is him, got it?" I nodded. "When I first moved to our school, he was in all of my classes except one and we hated each other. Your brother picked fights with me on purpose until he admitted it was because he liked me and was scared." I choked on his dick and pulled off. "What the fuck? Jack!?" Kyle nodded. "Yeah. I told you..." "Holy..." I shook my head. "Wow, I can't believe he didn't tell me!" "Uh... to be fair, he didn't know how you'd react and then you started hanging out with us and doing stuff-" "He knows about that?!" Kyle nodded. "Yes, Luca, he knows. I tell him everything." "Oh my god." I rolled my eyes. "You motherfucker!" I smacked his arm. Kyle snickered. "C'mon, you can't tell me you didn't know he was gay, you lived with him-" "No, I knew." I cut in. "I just... wow, I never thought he'd be okay with it." I mumbled more to myself. "He hates it when people touch him." "Yeah, I know." Kyle smiled sadly. "He told me what happened to him." My brow furrowed. "You mean..." "His uncle." That kind of hurt. He told Kyle. Opened up. But, then again, I was actually happy. He trusted someone enough to tell them. "I'm glad." "Wait, why?" Kyle asked suspiciously. "Cause he never talks about it. Not even with our psychiatrist." I answered. "He only used to with me. You know that means he trusts you like he trusts me, right?" Kyle nodded seriously. "I know. After what's happened to him, even if I hated him, I'd never tell a soul." I smiled slightly. I wondered if Jack was trying to spare me the embarrassment of telling anyone so he didn't tell the whole truth. "Us." "Huh?" "What happened to us." I repeated. Kyle sat up on his elbows and stared at me through wide eyes. "Wha? Luca! What the fuck! Why didn't you tell me before we... shit." He sat up. "Fuck I'm a rapist." "Oh god, Kyle." I rolled my eyes. "You think I'd just let someone do that to me if I didn't want it?" He looked at me warily. "I... I didn't even ask." "If I didn't want you to do it, I would've told your dumb ass to stop. Come on, have I ever let someone hurt me without fucking them up?" "Well... no..." "Plus, you probably know my brother pretty well, and I'm a lot like him." I added. Jack didn't put up with jack shit (pun intended). He'd go Ryan on someone's ass and shoot them if he ever felt threatened like that again. Me? I would go Slim Shady on someone's ass and take a fuckin' chainsaw to them if I ever felt threatened. He sighed. "Luca... I'm sorry. I just... I mean... Jack told me everything... how bad it was, I mean." "Yeah, it was fuckin' awful." I agreed. "But we were kids and we couldn't defend ourselves. Jack would destroy you without any effort." Kyle huffed and nodded. "So would you." "Exact- wait, me?" "I don't fight." Kyle laughed. "You pick fights with inanimate objects and somehow win." I rolled my eyes. "I've seen you knock down a fuckin' sophomore and punch the dude's face till someone pulled you off." Kyle reminded with an astounded smirk. "I can't even yell at Josh!" "Yeah... so I would've beat you up and stuff." "Alright, Luca. You made your point." I smirked victoriously. "You actually liked it though?" he asked. "Kyle, I nearly collapsed." I deadpanned. "How? I mean... I know Jack would hate it. How can you stand it?" I shrugged. "I was always kinda excited when Jack..." I closed my mouth. That was too much information for sure. I knew it was weird for brothers to find each other sexually attractive. "I dunno." Kyle dropped the subject. "Sorry. Hey, promise me you'll tell me if you're uncomfortable... with any of this." I smiled. "You'd be the second person I told." He chuckled. "Yeah, Jack would be more effective." I moved up and kissed him again. "How does Jack kiss?" I asked curiously. I hadn't kissed him in a long time. "Like a madman." Kyle answered. "It's weird, when he's horny, it's this crazy awesome... horny kiss." I hadn't experienced that yet and Kyle saw the confusion in my face. "Okay, so like... he grabs your face and then, like, takes control, you know?" Oh. That kiss. "It's so weird to picture anybody taking control of you." Kyle was always in control in any situation involving our group. Especially sex. "Normally, I fucking hate it." Kyle admitted. "But Jack's like... like a puppy chasing shit around. He's not thinking about anything but what's in front of him and he gives it his everything. When he takes control, he's telling me that he loves me." Kyle smiled fondly. "It's weird to explain." "No, I get it. It makes sense. Our psychiatrist told us that it was normal when PTSD victims don't show love often but when they do, it's like an uncontrollable overload." "Exactly." Kyle nodded. "And he knows how to fuck better than me." He added with a laugh. I laughed along with him. "He had a good teacher." I smiled before realizing the mistake. "No, no! Not him!" "I was gonna say..." "No, that one girl Jamie he hangs out with." I informed. "She literally coached him on sex." I laughed. "What the fuck? Why?" "You've seen the size of Jack's dick, right?" "Ahh." Kyle nodded. "She was being selfish." "Bingo." I winked. "By the way, how do you take that? He's what, 7 inches?" "Fuck, that's about right." "Jesus." I muttered with a smile and a huff. "You both are pretty big." Kyle replied. I smiled smugly. "Fuck yeah. I'm almost as big as you." "Yeah. Thanks for reminding me." He snickered. "You bigger than Caleb?" I shook my head. "No, I can't catch up with him." "Fuck. You're all gonna be bigger than me." I grabbed his cock, which had gone limp and then back up to at least a semi. Hard, he was around six and a half, which was still above average, and he was only fourteen. "I still like your cock." I said, lowering my mouth over it. It hardened rather quickly. He sighed and lay back down. "Wanna hear something funny?" I nodded as best I could. "Your brother loves sucking dick more than you." I pulled off for a second. "Yeah, I know." "Really? How?" I gave him a few more bobs. "We used to mess around. He sucked me till I had to push him off." That wasn't so bad as him outright fucking me like a maniac. I went back down. "Fuck... I would love to see that." Kyle all but moaned. "The hottest boy and the perfect boy sucking each other's dicks." Just with the way he was talking, I could tell he was picturing it. He started to shake a bit and put his hands on my hair. "Fuck... Luca, I'm cumming." And he erupted. So much that I had to pull off and take it in the face. I was drenched. He breathed and sighed as he came down from that high. I turned and wipedthe cum off my face, smearing all over his. He chuckled and licked myfingers. I lay down on his chest. "Did Caleb know you were seeing him?" Kyle shook his head. "I didn't tell anyone." "Damn. That's crazy." "You know what's crazy?" He asked. "I got both of you sucking my cock!" He jokingly teased. He grabbed me and swept me into his arms as I laughed and squirmed. He walked toward the lake and tossed me in. "Clean yourself up, you've got cum all over you." He smirked. I flipped him off and he jumped in with me. The memory of that night in specific was ingrained in my mind so sharply that I'll never forget it. He was so straightforward and confident, he just went for it and I loved that about him. But, Jack was on my mind. I wasn't very happy with him and I was going to confront him. Why was I not even told he was seeing one of my close friends?! A few days later, I called him and demanded he speak with me. He'd just sighed and said "Alright, Luca. I'll be right there." I waited for him in the back yard, arms crossed and thinking of all the insults I was gonna give him. He walked around the side of the house and tossed his bag on the floor, sitting on the steep, porch curb next to me. He'd pulled a joint from its resting place on his ear, lit it and passed it to me without a word. "What's up, Luke, I've got somewhere to be pretty soon here." A run to complete. His bag was probably filled with stupid shit... I just rolled my eyes. I pulled my drag in and handed it back. "You're a fucking dick, you know that?" I began. He craned an eyebrow with smoke filled lungs. "You can't even tell me you're seeing one of my friends?" His brow furrowed and I looked away from him with a shake of my head. His throat cleared with a light cough. He handed me the joint and I roughly pulled it from his hand. "Sorry." I rolled my eyes. "I knew you'd be mad." That actually made me a bit uncomfortable. "Why... would you think that?" Not like I was in love with him... He shrugged. "Because I know you." He simply answered. I ripped the joint, and then he did. "You're stingy." "I'm not stingy!" Jack huffed. "Oh, okay." He sarcastically said. Point taken... "It's not like I love Kyle, why would I be stingy about him?" I asked glaringly. He glanced at me and gave me his complete attention. His eyebrows were slightly risen. "I'm not talking about Kyle." Took me a very short moment to process that. I blushed and scowled. "Shut up! You're not.. not mine!" I turned away. "You can fuck whoever you want." ...just not me... My voice was definitely a bit spiteful. He stayed staring at the side of my head for several moments. I tried my best not to get teary eyed. His hand came up to tousle my hair, and I threw it off of me. "Stop it." He sighed and I could feel the weight of sadness behind it. He took one more look across the yard. His eyes lingered on the shed for a moment before he stood up and swiped his bag from the floor. "I know what you want..." He said lowly. "And I'm not gonna do it. It's wrong..." I couldn't help the teary eyes and my jaw clenched very angrily. He reached in and set down a decent size bag of weed. "I'm sorry kid... we need to get passed this... and it's not gonna help-" "Fuck you." I cut in. "I just remind you about him so you stay away from me. Just like mom." "Luke, that's stupid. Why the fuck-" "Just leave me alone." My voice dipped. "Just leave me alone like everyone fucking does." He sighed impatiently. "Whatever." He turned around and began to leave. "Grow up." I was seething... I knew he didn't hate me... I knew it for a fact. But he didn't... No. I wasn't in love with my brother.