Date: Sun, 13 Sep 2020 22:06:31 +0200
From: Ryan White <liciousryan@gmail.com>
Subject: Jack and Lucas

HOLA PEEPS!!

Hope you enjoy this one, it took a lot outta me. My own dad passed away in
January as well, and we didn't have a good relationship, at all, just like
my lead character.

Y'all stay safe!

Love,
Ryan

JACK AND LUKAS

"Sorry, it's my mom. Gotta take this, might be important," I said to my
husband as I stood up from the seat at the local coffee shop we were
sitting in, having Sunday morning breakfast.

I usually didn't answer calls from home in front of him and he respected
that.

Both my parents had an almighty issue with me coming out as gay when I was
sixteen, and fully expecting them to accept something I couldn't change
about myself, my dad literally grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and
dragged me out of the house.

I can still remember the last words he had spoken to me to this very day...

"Get out! You faggot!"

...and yeah...it's been eight long years since I had been back on the farm
where I had grown up. I was lucky enough that my mom's sister and her
family, who lived here in the city had agreed to take me in, and I think
until this day, my dad never knew that my mom had secretly paid an amount
for my expenses over to Aunt Emily every month.

Both my parents were on Facebook, so at least when my mom posted pictures
of them and of the farm, all the bright open skies and the animals I had
grown up with...played with and generally where my love for being a vet
came from...and for eight long years those photos was all I had.

I was not allowed on that farm ever again. My dad made it very clear that
he only had two sons. Not three. Not now, not ever.

The pain of being rejected by my own father never quite went away and I
don't think it ever would. But, in the eight years that I had been away
from home, I had graduated high school, I had become a qualified
veterinarian, due to my sheer love of animals, and I had gotten married.

Craig, was the most charming, most romantic and most decent human being I
had ever had the fortune to know on this green earth. He always treated me
like a king, and I tried my best to live by the same accord.

As all couples do, we had our problems, but we made a solemn promise early
in our marriage never to go to bed angry. Stay up and sort things out. I
loved him, incredibly so.

"Hi, Mom," I said as I stood to one side in the coffee shop...the last
thing I wanted poor Craig to hear was another tongue bashing over their
oldest son marrying a man.

"Jack, you better get your ass up here to the farm. Dad had a really nasty
fall this morning. Jacky, it's serious. They've taken him to hospital! I
don't know what to do!"

I froze.

For a second or two I literally couldn't move or even get words out of my
mouth.

This was the last thing I had expected...my dad was the strongest man I
have ever known, physically, at least. He also had the strongest will
imaginable and he always, always got his way. The mere idea of a man of
that calibre, having had such a huge influence on my life, laying helpless
in a hospital bed, was not something I could even remotely imagine.

"Mom, I can't just leave everything here and besides Dad doesn't wanna see
me ever again..."

"Jack Patrick Holt...you will do as I say! Do you really think I would have
told you to come if this wasn't serious? If that man does without you two
having reconciled, on YOUR head be it!"

Sigh.

"Well, what about Craig, Mom? Will he even be welcome there?"

"Craig, who?"

Oh boy...really now?

"My husband, Mom! For god sake!"

"Hmm, oh yeah, look, I can't deal with this right now. You decide. The
nurses wants to speak to me. You just get here, and quick! I've already
told Van and Natasha, they're on their way."

"Is Lucas there with you?"

"The boy is fifteen, Jack! No! I'm not gonna let him see his father like
this! Poor lad is already troubled enough from having seen him have the
damn accident. Get your ass up here!"

And with that, my wonderful, charming mother ended the phone call.

**

In the middle of the sheer three and a half hour drive to the farm, I
stopped at the nearest gas station to fill up.

I had left home so quickly I didn't have time to check my oil, and to make
sure everything was set. I got myself a cheese burger and a Coke and
quickly stuffed my face as they tended to my car.

Seeing this part of the world again after eight long years was...quite a
revelation. I still remembered every landscape, every shop, every store and
every turn along the way, from all our travels into the city when Dad
needed supplies, twice a month.

In that time, me and my younger brother Van, and my sister Natasha would
play road games until we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore. I
Spy...Singing games...I still remember it to this day.

When I was seven, my parents had quite a shock when they discovered that
they were pregnant again, and due to my mom's advanced age, they weren't
sure of keeping it. Little old me at early eight years of age, and they
brought home the smallest, most tiny little bundle of limbs I had ever seen
in my life.

I wasn't sure whether Van or Natasha could remember as clearly as I did, as
Van was two years my junior, and Natasha an whole four. But I remember me
sitting on the sofa watching Captain Planet re-runs and my mom introduced
me to the latest addition to the family.

"Now Jacky, this here is your little brother. Say hi to Lucas! You can hold
him, if you promise to be careful."

The moment Mom placed that little shit in my eight year old arms, I didn't
give being scared of threatened by him another thought. Inside my young
kiddie heart, I vowed to always, always be there for him, no matter what,
that day as he laid inside the crook of my arm, curiously staring up at me
with those beautiful blue eyes.

Getting back into my car and sloshing down the last of my Coke, I
remembered fondly how one night, like, a year after Lucas was born, I was
left all alone at home, as my parents had driven Natasha to the emergency
rooms after being stung by a bee...she's extremely allergic...and for some
reason my dad believed that with me being nine, I was considered a big boy
now, and I could stay by my ownsome for a while.

I heard Lucas crying a few minutes after they left and of course I started
to panic.

I didn't know what to do, or what was wrong with him. My mom showed me how
to change his diaper, so that was the first thing I tried. He cried his
little lungs out until he pissed all over me. Must have been a gallon,
totally not lying.

Then, he stopped crying.

When I was banished from the farm, Lucas was seven and a half years old. I
haven't seen my baby brother since that horrible day, and yet, in an era of
WhatsApp and other social media, he hasn't made any contact either.

Can't not really blame him, can I? Not when my dad, now laying crippled
inside a hospital apparently, must have did his level best to make me look
like satan incarnate to my three siblings over the years.

I saw Van once or twice since, as he came into town to visit his girlfriend
in the city, the first time, running into him at the local cash and carry,
buying cigarettes.

He acted like he didn't even knew me, like he was completely and utterly
embarrassed to be seen with me. He couldn't get away fast enough, only
giving one word answers to how things were going back home.

I knew Van was a homophobe...you could see it. The things my mother would
tell me he was saying about people like me traumatized me to my very
soul. I think my ultimate, personal favourite was...gays should be gassed
inside terror chambers.

Natasha and I have always been close. She was the only girl out of us four
kids, and therefore she understood more than Van or Dad did when I had
decided to come out. Call it female intuition.

She was twelve at the time, and it was only she and Lucas who was sad when
I left...Lucas was seven, he couldn't have understood why his big brother
had to suddenly go out of his life...but Tash did, and why.

We were still in contact, as she was currently studying at the same
university that was just a few streets from the vet practice I worked
at. We met up a few times a month for coffee and lunch and I don't think
she ever told our parents.

But Lucas...funnily enough my mom never tagged him in her online
photos. He's fifteen by now, and all I have heard of him was what Natasha
had told me...that he was a gifted athlete, he was so fast hardly anyone
could catch him.

He attended athletic tournaments and has won numerous gold medals at school
level. And as for me...who had been there non stop for the first seven
years of his life, I wasn't there to share all this with my kid brother and
give him a big hug for doing so well.

Damn you, Dad. I know you're laying in hospital right now...but damn you.

I hated feeling like I did.

**

I turned into the side road, entirely made up of gravel as I saw the huge
sign for Uitvlucht, my parents' farm that had been in the family for
generations.

As the eldest, I would have inherited everything, but as I was apparently
the first, first born son in the family to reject the responsibility, as
well as being the very first homosexual as well, that honour was bestowed
on Van by my father. At least he wouldn't be here when I arrive...I didn't
have anything to say to him. I was deemed as the black sheep over something
I couldn't control, that I had been born with...to hell with them.

Parking my car in the shade, I blew out some much needed steam. Three hours
on the road in the middle of fucking summer, really takes it out on
you. Especially when your car's aircon is broken.

I saw Natasha's two seater as well parked under the gazebo, and I
immediately was relieved. At least one person here I could talk to for now,
because I had no idea how Lucas would feel about me coming home for the
first time in eight years, not even to mention Van.

Natasha had come out running around the corner of the house as soon as she
heard my car, and I could see that she had been crying. I immediately ran
to her and held her tight. Her body shook with tears and I couldn't quite
understand why...Dad only had a fall... it wasn't like he was in mortal
danger...?

"Tash, what's wrong? Is it dad? Did something else happen? Mom said he had
a nasty fall, but that he was fine," I asked, as out of the corner of my
eye, I saw an attractive young boy inside the house who was on his cell
phone.

"Jack...God, I don't even know how to tell you this...okay...uhm...Mom just
called, Lucas spoke with her...Dad...oh my god Jack, Dad has died!"

My arms around her tightened...I couldn't believe what Tash was
saying...the very words that Mom has said to me over the phone wreaked
havoc in my mind...that Dad couldn't die without me and him having made
some sort of peace...and now he has died, and the last ever EVER words he
would have ever said to me...

"Get out. Faggot."

**

Inside the house, I saw the attractive young boy up close for the first
time.

But this...I mean, this couldn't be Lucas. I mean...Lucas had blond
hair. This kid's hair was black for a start. He also was taller than me,
with a LOT of teenage muscles and sheer biceps that no fifteen year old
could or should ever possess.

I looked around in the kitchen and living-room area...but there was no
apparent evidence of another boy in the house. The kid saw that I was
checking him out...not in that way, dear god...he was sexy as hell, but
no...but I was trying to figure out if he was, who I thought he was.

"Take a picture, it will last longer," the boy said with a deep, deep
voice.

"I'm sorry...Lucas? Is that you?" I asked, in disbelief.

"Last time I checked. You're Jack, right? Dad always says we're not allowed
to talk about you".

Oh, did he now?

"Yeah. Look, Lucas...I'm sorry. I'm really sorry I haven't been here these
last few years. When I left, my god, you were still seven years old...and
look at you now! Mom and Tash said you were some athlete but...you're
huge!"

Lucas blushed and he smiled at the same time.

A feeling of dread splashed through me as I felt my cock twitch.

In horror, I nearly looked down at the little shit but I stopped myself in
time. I turned away from Lucas immediately...I didn't quite know what had
just happened to be honest...my kid brother was a hunk...but why would I
get hard being near him? He was my brother for God's sake!

Natasha came back into the kitchen, drying her tears.

"Lucas, Jack, y'all wanna come with me? We have to fetch Mom and Van from
the hospital. I still don't know what exactly happened, Mom was so upset, I
couldn't hear what she was screaming. And Van didn't wanna talk to me. He
refused."

"What? How selfish is he? We're dying to know what happened!" I said in
anger like I had never felt before.

"Anyone of you guys have actually thought to ask me? Who was actually here
when it happened?" came the sarcasm dripping from Lucas.

Both me and Tash turned around and I felt guilty as hell when I saw how
teary eyed my kid brother was. It was like I had only cared how me and Tash
were handling the death of our dad, and how Lucas felt was simply being
swept under the carpet.

Tash gave Lucas a hug and she kissed him on his temple like our mother did
when we were little. He stood there awkwardly, almost dwarfing his sister
in height. He was no doubt trying his level best not to be emotional, and I
knew why...that's sure how Dad raised me and Van...I wasn't sure about
Lucas, but in seeing this, Dad had to be hard on his youngest boy as well
when it came to crying.

A forbidden word if you were a boy. A sign of weakness, if there ever was
one, in his eyes.

**

"We were fixing that god damn windmill this morning, me and Dad. We have
tried so many times but we never could before. This morning he told me,
we're gonna do it, just him and me. When I couldn't...look, I tried! I just
didn't know how to do what he said! Fixing it, I mean. And that's
when...when he got up there and did it himself. He fixed it. It was working
and everything. And then...and suddenly he wasn't up there no more..."

My heart broke for Lucas.

How many times didn't Dad order me to do stuff, technical stuff, and I
simply didn't know how. Dad would throw massive tantrums...and he'll order
his favourite son Van to do it instead.

One would think I hated my younger brother for that alone, but if anything
I was happy he was there. Took the focus off me, because he excelled at
anything physical and anything remotely DIY. It was Van, it was he, who
couldn't stand me. And people, like me.

**

As we arrived at the district hospital, I immediately saw my mom outside,
as strong and as fierce as I had ever seen her. She kept a smile on her
face when she saw me, and she gave me a hug as big as the Sahara desert. An
embrace from my mom for the first time in eight years...words couldn't
describe it.

"I'm sorry, Jacky boy...I'm so sorry..." she whispered in my ear, so only I
could hear...the name she had for me as a young boy bringing tears and
memories to my own eyes.

I saw Van a little further away, on his own.

He seemed...totally avoid from emotion. He had a dark look on his face.

Dad and he was like brothers, Mom had told me several times, and I would
always be jealous as hell for not having that with my father. If anything,
I was angry at myself. I should have visited. I should have made the
effort. Even if I was again, chased away, I should have dine more. Too late
now.

Van stared at me as if I was something at the bottom of his shoe, as I
heard him. He spat out the cigarette he had been smoking and put his hands
inside his pockets. There goes any hope of hugging it out, or even shaking
hands. He made that very, very clear.

"Van...oh man, are you okay? Bro?" I asked, my eyes on him the whole time.

Van coughed and shook his head.

"Dad's just died. What the fuck a question is that?" he asked in typical
country slang.

"I'm just asking..."

"Fuck your asking. You rock up here after eight years and all suddenly
you're worried about us? Did your fancy man also come with you?"

Sigh. Nothing has changed. Literally, nothing. Van was still, well, Van.

"If you mean my husband, no. He's back at home. I didn't think it was a
good idea bringing him, and looks like I was right."

Van came closer, and he glared at me. His breath smelled stale, like
alcohol and cigarettes combined.

"You know what, Jack? We ain't actually needing you here. I mean, Dad hated
the shit outta you. We all know that. So why don't you just get in your
fancy car, and fuck off. I don't want Lukey to spend any time with you, at
all."

I knew Van hates me, but that was all new low.

"I'm fucking here because Mom told me to come! And what the fuck do you
mean about Lucas? I haven't seen the kid in eight years!"

Van sneered.

"One day in your company and you'll probably wanna get your faggot hands on
him, you nasty perv..."

Van literally didn't know what had hit him. In fact, neither did I.

All I saw was Van laying on the wet concrete ground holding his face and
staring up in sheer disbelief...at a red faced, angry as hell, Lucas.

"Lukey? What the fuck, man?" Van cried out as he stood up, still holding
his cheekbone.

Lucas's eyes blitzed.

"How dare you say Jack will, I dunno...do stuff to me? He's my brother! If
anyone here is a sick freak it's you!" he spat out.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tash and Mom running closer to us, as
they must have surely seen what Lucas did.

"Really now, Lukey? You're choosing...that over me?" Van said, sniffing in
my direction like I was cow dung on a morning feed. My mom was hissing
venom at all of us.

"Boys...how dare you...your father has not been cold for a damn day, and
already you act like kids? Lucas, get in the car, Van, you follow us in
your truck, Tash, you drive and as for you, Jack...you shut up and respect
your brother! All of you! Do as I say!"

Even as little kids, we all knew, even the neighbour's kids knew, when Mama
Holt spoke, you listened. There was really no other option.

We did as we were told. The little hint of a smile on Tash's face made me
feel like I was finally, finally home.

**

That night Van did us a couple of hot dogs on the barbeque whilst Lucas and
I got better acquainted. Every now and then I would detect a sort of death
stare from Van, but I ignored it.

Tash made a great apple pie, as well as a delicious potato salad, which we
all devoured along with the tasty meats that Van had prepared, just like
Dad had taught him.

We sat around all evening and talked about him...our favourite memories and
things we would remember him saying or doing. Of course, I had little to
contribute, having been away for eight years, but before I had come out to
Mom and him, he was a good father. Even just listening to all that my
siblings has to say about him, made me sad...

He taught me how to stand up for myself, to defend myself...to this day I
could hold my own in a boxing ring, and that was because of him.

Just as I honestly thought we could get through ONE night as a family in
mourning...I knew it was too good to be true...

"So Jacky, must have been a shock to see how your little baby brother has
grown, wasn't it?" Mom said with a twinkle in her eye.

"I come to visit often and even I can't believe it. He was so small, y'all
remember?" Tash said, teasing an already embarrassed Lucas.

"Guys...I'm like sitting right here ..." he mumbled before sticking a piece
of sausage in his mouth.

We all had a good laugh at his expense, even Van's smile actually reached
his eyes, which is why what happened, hurt all the more.

"Mom, I'm telling you, I didn't even recognise Lucas when I arrived. I was
like...where is that little shit I had following me everywhere and now
you're this big lump of muscles! Seriously, are those for real?" I asked,
reaching out without thinking and squeezing his bicep...

"GET YOUR FAGGOT HANDS OFF HIM!"

The whole table was deadly silent.

Mom slowly placed down her knife and fork and held her face between her
hands. Lucas stopped chewing, and suddenly his food was more interesting
than our company.

"Nice one, Van. You just had to ruin it," Natasha said softly, before
reaching over and comforting Mom.

"What? Seriously? Now I'm the bad guy? He was touching Lukey! Did y'all
forget why Jack was banned from the ranch? Dad hated him! He's a faggot! So
why is he even still here?"

I dares to cast my eyes over to Lucas. He was still facing downwards at his
empty plate. He didn't say anything. He just sat there...looking so
incredibly lonely and sad.

I stood up. I had enough.

"Van, I'm the eldest son of Butch Holt. His fucking first born. And I won't
let you or anyone else chase me away from here again. I had no choice at
age sixteen. Legally, I'm the Man of the house now. So say all you want,
brother. I ain't going no where.  As for Lucas, yes, little bro...I'm
gay. Yes, Dad hated people like me, and that's why he chased me away years
ago. And no, I'm not ashamed. Know why? Because I can't fucking help
it. The only way I'll go and give you what you want, Van, is if Mom tells
me to. Mom? Should I go?"

Mom wiped her eyes and leaned on Tash to stand up. She walked over to me,
and took hold of my hand.

"You stay for as long as you want. I never agreed with that your dad did,
but as his wife, I didn't have a choice and you know how he was...I
couldn't go against him. My heart is broken that he is gone, he was my
soulmate. But now...I get to have my son back. And anyone...anyone at all
who has a problem with that, will answer to me. Understood?"

Van looked like he could literally kill me in my sleep.

Natasha winked at me, whilst still holding Mom, and Lucas...well, he showed
no emotion, yet again. He was still staring out in front of him, so I
couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

His beautiful face was just...wait, what? Beautiful face...where the hell
did that come from? Jack...stop this...

Van sneered and walked to his truck as quick as he could. Without anyone
saying anything, he got into said truck, and drove off as fast as he could,
chunks and sand flying all over the place.

"Let him go. He's an ass."

That was the first words Lukas had said in almost ten or so minutes. He had
been deadly quiet before and now, his eyes were a fiery red and his
handsome face was serious as I had ever seen it.

"Good on you, Lukey," Tash said as she hugged him from behind.

"He'll come around. He always does. Dad's death...they were very close..."
Mom said before she sat down and motioned us to do the same.

As the evening went on, I didn't worry about Van's words any longer. I was
with my family.

What I was more serious and more freaked out about, was that I was so damn
attracted to my own kid brother. I shook my head in silence. What the
fuck....was ever going on? The kid was fifteen. FIFTEEN. Why did he have to
look like a damn college man already?

Man, sometimes I hated being gay.

**

"Everything okay there?" Craig asked as he phoned me later that night.

It was already after eleven, and I had just gotten ready for bed after Mom
brought me some hot chocolate. I didn't think I would be so tired. I felt
like if I closed my eyes, I would be gone immediately.

"Yeah, baby. I mean, me and my brother Van, had words, but it turns out my
mom, sister and my kid brother didn't agree with him and he took off. I'll
probably be back home next week or so, because I now have to stay for the
funeral."

"Aww, do you want me to come? I'll be there in the morning if you want me
to?"

God...knew that there was a reason I loved him.

"You need to stay there, baby. We can't we away both for a week. I'll be
home as soon as I can. I love you, so much, Craig. You're my everything."

"You're gonna make me cry, Jack...okay, then. I'll call you
tomorrow. Night, baby."

I smiled as I put my cell phone back on charge. I finished my hot chocolate
and then decided to take the cup back to the kitchen and wash it.

When I returned, I walked past Lucas's room and I could have sworn I heard
someone sniffing. I frowned. I wanted to walk back to my room but something
told me to stay right where I was.

There it was again! Someone was crying!

His door was closed, and I hesitated...should I or shouldn't I?

The sniffing got louder. So did the crying. Fuck this.

As I opened the door, turns out my suspicions was right. We all were so
heavy on how my mother, myself, Natasha and Van were taking Dad's death,
and that he had forbidden me to ever come here again, as well as the
animosity between myself and Van, that no one had for a second stopped to
think how the one person was taking it, that actually saw Dad falling from
the windmill this very morning.

He had seen it...seen it all.

I found it weird he seemed to hold it together as well as he did, and it
was seemingly all coming out now.

Poor kid was kneeling down on his knees at the foot of the bed and he was
holding his arms to his body. Sobs, vicious sobs wreaked his body, his
upper chest was heaving with coughs and sniffs, as well as tears were
streaming down his face.

I didn't hesitate for a second.

I knelt down next to him and I hugged his crying body to me. I folded my
arms around his fifteen year old body and I was pleasantly surprised as he
threw his own onto me. He plunged his arms around my neck with a raw cry
from his throat, and literally buried his face inside the crook of my neck
as he continued to bawl his eyes out.

I held him as best I could, and I did what came natural. I caressed the
back of his hair, and kissed his temple, just like our mother had always
done.

Memories of years and years back...how I had done just that...when he was
only a little infant. The way I held him after he was born...when he used
to sit on my lap...a flurry of brotherly love spread through me, and my
heart warmed up like insanely fast. I had vowed to protect him, to love
him, when he was only a few days old.

His sniffs and cries stopped within time and I still held him. Caressed his
back. Ran my fingers through his hair. The feeling of his young skin on my
fingertips...jesus, what was wrong with me? I have a husband! He was my kid
brother! This was nuts!

I heard him softly snore. He had fallen asleep in my arms.

I kissed him softly on the top of his head. Funny...how it must have looked
to anyone who would see this...this big muscled fifteen year old being held
by his oldest brother who was nearly half his size.

"You're gonna be fine, kiddo...just fine..." I whispered, as I closed my
eyes.

**



THANKS FOR READING!!

Hope you liked the first chapter. Setting the scene as I always do. Please
send me an email if y'all liked it?

Stay safe xx

liciousryan@gmail.com