Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 17:07:55 -0700 (PDT) From: lucky mendez Subject: James Alexander Mendez ch.5 LEGAL STUFF: DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE(18 IN MOST AREAS OF THE U.S.A.) OR IT IS ILLEGAL TO VIEW THIS MATERIAL WHERE YOU ARE NOW. THIS STORY CONTAINS SEX BETWEEN TEENAGE BOYS, IF THIS OFFENDS YOU PLEASE GO ELSEWHERE. ANY COPYRIGHTS OR TRADEMARKS MENTIONED IN THIS STORY ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNER(S). THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A FIG NEWTON OF MY IMAGINATION, IN OTHERWORDS IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THE CHARACTERS ARE NOT REAL. THEY EXIST ONLY IN MY HEAD. ENJOY! THANKS FOR THE EMAILS GUYS AND GALS-KEEP `EM COMING! JAMES ALEXANDER MENDEZ CHAPTER 5 BY LUCKY MENDEZ THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY LITTLE BUDDY "GEORGE". YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. "It's because I realized that you're not just my little bro or my baby bro anymore Sammy. You're a man now. You're always gonna be my baby bro and don't ever forget that but you really have become a man today." He just looked deeply into my eyes like he was searching for something. We were silent for a few moments until he spoke up. "I do feel a little different. I don't know what it is though, it's kind of hard to describe." "What is it? Is it a sad feeling or a happy feeling?" "It's not sad I definitely know that much." He grinned big when he said that. "I guess maybe I just feel relaxed, sort of at peace with myself." "That's very cool Sammy. Do you think you understand more about who you are now?" "Oh yeah, I really do Alex and I owe it all to you. I mean I knew I was gay before but now, oh my God, I really know." We both chuckled. ON WITH THE STORY "Sammy, you don't owe me anything man." "Oh yes I do Alex, I've been...I've been kind of down lately, depressed I guess. I've had all these feelings and emotions inside me and I wanted to talk to somebody so bad but I was afraid, Alex. I thought something was wrong with me. I see and guy and I get a hardon. I thought that was wrong and I thought that made me some kind of freak or something." Sammy's voice was choked with emotion as he was talking and I teared up as well. He really needed to get this off his chest and he just opened up to me. "I was so scared Alex. I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how you'd react. I was like, "Alex is cool, he won't care" one second and then the next, "Don't breathe a word to Alex, he'll kick your fucking ass for bein' a queer." I just didn't know what to do." Sammy was sobbing so hard at this point he was shaking. I sat up and just cradled his head against my side, gently rocking. He finally calmed down after a few minutes and I grabbed some Kleenex from off the nightstand, handing them to him. He dried his eyes and blew his nose. After a couple more minutes of silence he spoke. "I'm sorry big bro. I really am. I didn't mean to blubber like a baby." "Hey, don't you worry about that dude. You had some bad shit inside you little bro. and you needed to get it out. You needed to tell somebody." "Thanks Alex." "You're welcome Sammy. I have to say it though, the past few days you did seem pretty down. I should have said something to you and I'm sorry about that." "It's ok. I don't think I was ready to talk about it really." "Yeah but you sure were this morning!" He finally cracked a smile. "I figured I'd just take the chance, you'd either let me or you'd pound me into the ground." "Baby bro you know even if I hadn't wanted to mess around, there's no way I could hit you. I love you too much and we're too close for anything to come between us." He smiled again and looked so innocent laying there. I smiled back as I stroked his hair. "Alex, could I ask you something?" "Sure dude, ask me anything you want." "Do you think I'm good looking?" Sammy just didn't get it. "Absolutely Sammy, you're hot as hell man. I've been meaning to talk to you about this and I've really noticed it this morning too but Sammy, I have to ask you, don't you like yourself?" "I do I guess but not sometimes though." "Why, Sammy? You're a great guy man. You're funny, smart as hell, good looking and you got a great bod too. But of course the icing on the cake is this." I reached down and wiggled his willy which caused him to giggle then he got quiet. "What is it?" I asked. "I don't know Alex, I'm embarrassed I guess." "Embarrassed about what, your dick?" "Yeah" There's nothing wrong with it." I thought to myself, "Good, he took the bait. Now we're going to get this out of his system and I'm going to try like hell to make my little bro feel better about himself. He's a great guy but I swear sometimes it really makes me mad because he's so uptight about trivial shit. Well, it's not trivial to him I guess otherwise it wouldn't be bothering him." "Why man? "It's too little that's why." I didn't think Sammy's face could get any redder but it did. "God almighty Sammy, why would you think that?" "Because Alex, I've...I've...damn! You aren't the only one who looks up stuff on the internet, ok?" "Whoah, easy Sammy, it's nothing to get so defensive about alright? Don't get mad at me for asking a question dude." "I'm sorry Alex but I get embarrassed ok? I don't like talking about my dick, it's too damn small and that's the way it is." "Sammy, I don't mean to make you mad and I'm not trying to embarrass you but if you're trying to tell me that you're basing your perception of your meat as being small based on what you've seen on the internet then Sammy, that's just warped man. Your thinking is totally skewed by those guys' monster cocks." Finally, Sammy was listening intently, all this crap was coming out. I had to set him him straight and hopefully build up his confidence. He sat up Indian style on my bed as I continued. "Sammy, when I check out porn sites, all the chicks are like 44DD's or something and the guys are hung like horses, ok? It's just fantasy baby bro it is not reality I promise you. Most girls' breasts are nowhere near that big and what dicks I've seen ain't like what's on the internet either." He was hanging on every word and I was glad. Sammy had to know that what he had swinging between his legs was perfectly normal. Maybe then, he would start to feel better about himself. I don't know if just looking at guys pictures on the internet really was the reason he felt inadequate but I have to admit it man, a lot of those guys were pretty damn big and would probably even make me feel small if I looked at them all the time. "I don't understand it Alex. You mean all those guys really don't have dicks that big?" "No Sammy, I'm not saying that at all. Some websites do have guys who have really big ones but a lot of sites have just regular guys like you and me too. I promise you that all of `em aren't 8 or 9 inches. Your dick ain't much smaller than mine is and I'm about 7 inches plus you're only 16 man and you're still gonna grow a little more probably. Hell, in a couple of years you might be taller than me or have a monster dick like the ones you've been looking at. Sammy, you are perfectly normal and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I swear to you." He grinned in a thankful sort of way when I said that and I believed maybe, just maybe I had planted the seeds in his brain to show him that he was normal and soon he would realize everything was going be ok. I sure hoped so. "Hey big bro?" "Yeah" "Thanks" He hugged me and I hugged him back. "Sammy, you can talk to me anytime you want ok? If something's bothering you or you just have a question I want you to ask me, ok?" "I promise I will Alex." "I guess I haven't been there for you as much as I should have Sammy and I'm sorry. I really am and I never want you to go around hurting inside like you have been lately. It scares me and I don't want to lose you. I read somewhere that gay teens are a lot more likely to attempt suicide than straight teens and I do not want you to become a number little bro." I was more serious with Sammy than I had ever been I my life right then and I meant it too. I had researched on the internet a lot and found that the numbers were staggering. I vowed to myself that I would not let my baby bro become a statistic. *****Lucky's going to get on his soapbox for a bit, hope you don't mind. I know this chapter had a much more serious tone to it but I won't apologize. When I saw the numbers for male teen suicides I was surprised but when I saw the numbers for gay male teen suicides it blew me away. The actual numbers vary depending on the individual studies done and I won't give those numbers because of the varying range but it is significantly higher for gay boys than straight boys. If you feel you need to talk to someone but aren't sure or you're not sure how then call one of these numbers and you can get help. Don't become a statistic! 1-800-850-8078 The Trevor Project/24hr free hotline for gay and questioning youth. 1-800-621-4000 National Runaway Hotline/24hr hotline for when you need to talk to someone about the stress of growing up. You don't have to be a runaway. 1-800-999-9999 Nineline 4 Kids Covenant House/are you or a friend looking for answers to tough questions? 1-800-347-TEEN GLB teen hotline/(Weekend nights only) ONLINE ADVICE www.youth.org www.outproud.org STAY SAFE! LUCKY MENDEZ