Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2000 01:34:51 EST
From: Ritch Christopher <ballmusic69@hotmail.com>
Subject: GayMale/Incest/just-beyond-that-hill-4

Usual disclaimer: Under 18? Offended by gay sex, graphic language? Then, go
away! All rights reserved. Copyright held by Ritch Christopher.

This is part four of a love story. It helps if you've read the previous
three segments.

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just-beyond-that-hill-4

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	It was almost too much for a 16-year-old, Tennessee farmboy to cope
with...having to become the Man of the House, dealing with the death of his
older brother and lover, fighting God with feelings of guilt, and wondering
how to pursue a love relationship with his new brother-in-law?

	The afternoon that Eddie came to comfort me over Hal's death, and ended up
going down on me...expressing and showing his new-feelings about me and
himself. I was moved...touched...but afraid to reciprocate his action. He
hadn't totally convinced me that my sexual exploitations weren't a
punishment for me, resulting in the death of the person I loved most in
life...Hal. I had done a lot of growing up in the past year. I was
adult-enough to realized that if I continued a relationship with Eddie, I
would be sharing him with my sister. I also knew, that every moment that he
and I spent together would have to be guarded. I'm sure that God would see
us, but that judgment would come later. The immediate danger would be if
Momma or Marie found out I was having sex with their new son-in-law/husband.

	Eddie felt he had had a homosexual awakening. He was having difficulty
accepting his new feelings. In his whole life of 22 years, he  had always
been straight, never having even a pubescent jerkoff session with his best
friend(s). His father had died when he was eight and he had been reared by
his mother. He had no brothers and sisters...no "visiting" cousins, which
were always predominant in southern families. He had never even gone
skinny-dipping. He, as I, was brought up in a Christian home, where evil
thoughts didn't exist. I don't know how I had strayed...but he hadn't. He
had fooled around with girls during his high school days,,,copping a feel of
a breast or an ass cheek, but any kind of sex was out of the question. He
was extremely handsome, so there was never any envy toward other guys. He
hadn't lost his virginity until he was 21...and that was just a quickie,
where he and his best friends took the local town whore, Judy Hudgins,  out,
underneath the railroad trestle and all four of them screwed her in fifteen
minutes. He had told me about that encounter and he climaxed before he even
got it inside her. He had tried it with four other girls, without too much
feeling or excitement. The first girl he had really made love to, was
Married. God knows, she had had no experience, so I guess the poor guy had
become confused with the satisfaction he found in our two episodes. It was
something new...he didn't feel queer...he didn't know why he felt a love for
me...a boy...his new brother-in-law. I knew he wanted to experiment more,
but I was still cautious...I mean, if word of this, ever got out, it would
blow Bradley County wide open.

	I dated Wanda, my childhood sweetheart, a time or two...going to a movie or
the weekend dance, but I never felt anything more than she was just a good
friend. The idea of making out with her just didn't appeal to me. One night,
as I lay in bed, thinking about her, I was trying to get off and I imagined
that she and I went to the drive-in movie and we were making out and I
reached under her skirt and petticoats and tugged at her panties, and to
much of my surprise, I discovered she was hiding a penis between her legs.
That imagery gave me a hardon. That is when I first came to grips that I was
"different"..."queer", NO, "different". I was turned on by guys and not
girls. Chuck, Bobby, and Hal had played around with each other...but they
didn't have the same dilemma that I did. They weren't attracted to each
other. They just had "guy" fun. My feelings ran much deeper. I bet there
wasn't another boy in 100 miles that had the same feelings as I. My sexual
activity was to be limited. It occurred to me, that if I were careful,
maybe, Eddie and I could find ways to be together just for sexual
gratification, since there was no one else around...but our "meetings" would
have to be "planned", so as not to arouse suspicions.

	The waiting for Hal's body to arrive from Korea was interminable. It was
like a wake that went on for almost three weeks. Momma and Dad, even had a
chance to have his tombstone engraved before his casket arrived. The navy
had the same rule as the army had had for Chuck and Bobby, no one, not even
Momma would be allowed to view the corpse. I wanted to go up and snatch that
flag off and raise the lid, just to be sure it was Hal and they hadn't made
a mistake. If you didn't see him dead, you would never believe it or accept
it. I had heard horrible stories from some of the men down at the filling
station, that during World War II, when men were shot and killed over in
Germany, sometimes the army couldn't find the whole body, so they might just
put an arm or a leg in the coffin and sent that home, since no one would be
allowed to see.
	I kept staring at the box that supposedly held my brother, and wondered if
he was all in there...or just part of him...or maybe, none of him. The
biggest thing to accept was that he was GONE, and I would NEVER seen him
again. I would never HOLD him again. I would never make love to him,
again...but I would NEVER stop loving him. I didn't shed a tear until the
bugler started blowing "Taps" as the casket was lowered into his grave. I
had been the brave little brother until that moment. I sank to my knees and
wept. Momma and Dad were in enough grief without my additional display of
emotion, but I couldn't help it. I had kept it inside for weeks, and
suddenly, just had to let go and get it out of my system. I felt a strong
arm go around my shoulder. It was Eddie. Once, again, he was "there" for me
again. I turned my head and cried on his shoulder. Everyone was watching,
but in this situation, nothing bad would be thought about it...so I clutched
his lapels and wept, soaking his white shirt and silk tie, with my tears.\\

	Marie was never really close to either Hal, or me, so she had dabbed her
nose and under her eyes with a sad sisterly gesture. Dad thought if best if
Momma got away from the stress for a while. He wanted her to come to Oak
Ridge and stay a while. Marie and Eddie would come over to out farm and
sleep in Momma's room and help me out until she returned. Since Marie didn't
know how to cook, that meant in addition to taking care of the farm, the
chickens, the eggs, the garden, and the daily chores, I would have to cook
for the three of us. Eddie said he would help me every way he could. I kept
thinking, the least Marie could do, would be to gather the eggs and feed and
water the chickens.  I didn't know why I started resenting her so much. Was
it because Eddie was HER husband and not my "whatever"? That thought kept
rolling over in my mind, growing stronger every time it occurred to me. What
had she done that was so "right" that she should marry a prince and live
happily ever after...and all the bad things happened to me. Maybe I WAS
being punished. I remember in the Bible that the Jews were punished for
forty years...Boy, I had a long way to go..

	At least, school was out, and I didn't have to worry about studying. I had
three months vacation (if you want to call it that) before I returned for my
senior year. I didn't have to worry about being drafted. There was some
military rule if a male had been killed in a war then the remaining son with
the mother was exempt from serving. Eddie didn't have to serve since he was
the only son and sole male head of his mother's household.  This would apply
as long and he and Marie lived with his mother. I kept wondering just how
long this war business in Korea would last. It seemed that every family in
the whole county had some member of their family serving. There had been
several of Hal's classmates wounded, lost, or killed. It was some kind of
civil war where the north Koreans and the south Koreans were fighting. I
didn't know how America got involved. and how did we know which side to
support. This time the U.S. was fighting for the "South". This amused me.

	We had a huge field of several acres that had once grown alfalfa, that had
to be cleaned, chopped down and burned. That would be a big job for Eddie
and me to tackle. I had done it before with Hal, so, I knew the best method.
We used two long scythes and went to the west corner and started slinging
away. I had worn overalls and a shirt and Eddie was in jeans and a t-shirt.
It only took about 30 minutes of the hot Tennessee, June sun, before we both
shed the shirts. We had both worn straw hats, to prevent as much sunburn as
possible. We started early, around 5:30 AM and worked until about 10:00 AM.
We were both hungry and parched. I had risen around 4:30, loaded the stove
with kindling and coal oil, and fried sausage and made a batch of biscuits.
I knew it would be too hot, out in that field, to drink coffee, so I had
made a big thermos jug of lemonade. Eddie and I stopped around 10:15 to eat.
There were no trees to shade ourselves, so Eddie said, why don't we take his
car and go down by the swimming pond, have a picnic where it was shady, and
cool off. It didn't take much convincing, I was agreeable.

	He ran in the house and told Marie our plans. She wasn't even out of bed
yet, but she said she was glad he woke her, that she had to go gather eggs.
My sympathy for Eddie grew as did my resentment for my sister. The pond was
only a half mile down the road, but it would be quicker in the car...because
it would be a half mile back to resume our cutting.

	The best and most obvious place to picnick was the spot that Chuck, Bobby,
and I had had our rendezvous. Memories slapped me in the face. What slapped
me harder was that, here I was, in this place of sexual beginnings, alone
with my brother-in-law. My tension mounted, heightened with fear and
excitement. I had even thought to pack one of Momma's red and white
checkered table cloths.  I found a nice flat grassy patch and spread it out.
Eddie looked down at he pond.

	"Wanna go for a swim and cool off before we eat?...I mean, if we swim
afterward, we might get a cramp."

	"Sounds good to me." I replied.

	We kicked off our shoes and socks. I unbuckled my overalls. Eddie took off
his jeans and we both stood there in our sweat stained briefs.
He looked at me as he grabbed his waistband.

	"Off or on?"

	"Off!"

	We lower the Fruit-of-the-Looms, together.

	"Last one in..."

	"Has to do what...?"

	"We'll think of something..."

	We both grinned and ran into the water. It was cool and refreshing. We
splashed water on each other's sunburned backs. We laughed and cut up like
two kids at play. This seemed to be the most fun I had had in weeks. It was
a good release for both of us. We swam underwater and emerged and raced to a
huge rock in the center of the pond and back, forgetting how tired we should
have been after a morning of sickling. We got out of the water and headed
toward our shady nook, totally uninhibited with our nudity. I sank to my
knees to distribute our sausages and biscuits. I had thought to bring a ten
cent jar of French's mustard. There was still ice in the thermos so the
lemonade went down quenching and cooling our thirsty gullets.

	"Have I forgotten to tell you that you are a good cook?"

	"I know a few things besides just opening a can of pork and beans."

	"You're gonna make some man a good wife," he chided.

	"Watch that...!"

	"You know I'm kidding."

	"You better be."

	"That's something we've never talked about...Do you think you'll get
married some day, Judd?"

	"Nope."

	"How can you be so sure?"

	"Don't need a wife."

	"You'll change your mind when you get older."

	"I doubt it...Girls just don't seem to turn me on."

	"You're still young."

	I became serious. "No, I mean it, Eddie...I'm different, I guess...I can't
even beat off thinking about a girl...ANY girl..."

	"What we did together...does that turn you on?"

	"I get hard when I think about it."

	"Can I ask you something?...You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

	"Shoot."

	"Have you done things with other guys...I mean, things like we did?"

	"Yes."

	"Do you mind telling me about it?"

	"No, I don't mind...Eddie, I was in love with Hal. I mean, actually, in
LOVE with him...we did all kinds of things in bed, when we had privacy.
That's why I told you that God was punishing me...I loved him like a woman
or like my wife. I had sex with Bobby and Chuck, too, right here on this
very spot where we are sitting...I enjoyed it...I became obsessed with it.
Looking at a naked man excites me more than any woman ever could. I haven't
done that much, but what I have done, I know that it's what I like...I like
men."

	I waited for a response before continuing...

	"Does that upset you?...I don't mind telling you that YOU excite me. Since
that time we had in the bathroom when I jerked you off, I thought about that
every night thereafter, when I went to bed. The idea of having your penis in
my hand brings me to a climax every time I beat off. I sucked Hal's dick and
I sucked Chuck's. They came in my mouth and I wanted more...just like the
afternoon in the barn, when you went down on me...I think about that all the
time too. I don't know why you did it...I figured you were trying to make me
feel good, because I was sad and lonely...Can I ask you?...Why did you do
it?"

	"I don't know...you were the first guy I ever touched in my entire life. It
wasn't like I was looking at you as a guy. I wasn't looking at you as a
woman, either...You were just something so innocent...so touching...I've
tried many times to understand it or put it into words...but I just wanted
you...and going down on you was my way of showing you how I felt."

	He paused.

	"I married Marie, your sister. It was the thing to do. I was sure I was in
love with her. It was expected of me to grow up, meet a nice girl from a
nice family, get married, have kids, and grow old, together. I mean, that's
what's expected of men...and then I met you...and you came into my
life...not as a young boy...not as a little brother...or a friend...you're
right...you're different...something "different" came into my life...An
outsider would look at it and say it was all wrong...but it's not...there's
nothing wrong about it...I've thought it through, looking at it from all
angles...it's wrong, but it's not 'wrong'...If nothing more, it's something
wonderful...yes, something wonderful has come into my life...YOU are that
something wonderful."

	His eyes were filling up with tears.

	"All right, I might as well come out and say it...Judd...I'm a man...a
married man...who's fallen in love with another man...YOU...and I'm not
ashamed to admit it, even though I am tortured with the thought of not
knowing what to do with these feelings."

	Another pause.

	"Judd?...Can you say anything?...I feel like I've talked myself out on the
end of a limb on a tall oak tree with no where to go..."

	I needed to carefully choose my next words. I knew they might have an
impact on the rest of my life.

	"Eddie, I don't know if I'm in love with you. I love you...and more
important I need you more than anything in the world. I felt like every
dream and hope I ever had were shattered when the man told me that Hal had
been killed. I know Momma loves me and Dad does too, when he's around. No
one knows how Marie feels about them...sorry Eddie, I shouldn't have said
that...but Hal was the only one I knew that honestly loved me...the way I
want to be loved."

	A pause.

	"Would you let me try?...I don't want to take Hal's place in your
life...but I want to make a place in MY life for you."

	"Eddie, what are we saying?...How does Marie fit into this picture?"

	"I can't find an answer to that. I've gone through a dozen
scenarios...divorce her and find a way for you and me to be together...don't
divorce her and find way to be happy with you, hiding in the
shadows...packing up and running off into the sunset...I'm so troubled and
torn up...and I still don't really know how you feel...or what you feel
about me..."

	"We'll just take it one day at a time, as Momma always says...what happens,
happens,...and when the dust settles, we'll see who's still standing."

	"Are you saying we can be lovers?"

	"Is that what you want?"

	"Yes."

	"Then, that's what I want."

	"Judd, can I kiss you?"

	"I'll sock you in the chin, if you don't."

	"Come here, little lover."

	"No. No. None of that "little" shit."

	"Sorry, come here, lover..."

	I moved slowly toward him at first, then I made a dive and landed my naked
body, right on top of his. I found his lips with mine and we kissed
passionately, our organs swelling, at the same time. I 	had lodged my penis
between his two thighs. He closed them tightly forming a vice and giving me
the sensation I needed to simulate intercourse. It felt wonderful, pumping
him like this. He increased my pleasure by thrusting his pelvis to meet mine
on each downward lunge. I liked this. I was suddenly the dominant one...the
manly one...Eddie would get the message that I was as masculine as he...I
would show him I was not effeminate or girlish. He hands moved up and down
my back while we continued our tongue battle.

	I began hunching lower and I could feel the head of my penis touching the
crack of his butt. I pushed even further, wondering when and where he would
stop me. Surprisingly he parted his legs and let my tip touch his rectal
opening. I was so turned on by this, I almost came on the second touch.
Again, he thrust his body upward. Was this an invitation to explore unknown
territory? I didn't know, but I would keep prodding until he halted me. It
was as if I was destined to enter the portal. I felt a wetness on my tip,
thus lubricating his entire crevice.

	"Do you want to go inside me?" Eddie asked.

	"Do you think it will fit?"

	"Wanna try?"

	"Sure."

	"Go ahead."

	I felt him open to receive me and I went in about an inch. He flinched a
little.

	"Does it hurt?"

	"Just a little...but go a little further...let's see if I can take it all."

	Slowly, inch by inch I probed until I could feel my pubic hair touching his
balls. I was all the way in.

	"Hold it there just a minute and let me get use to it."

	I stopped my inward movement, but my the throbbing of my dick continued.

	"Ok, pump me a little."

	I began a very tentative movement...waiting for some signal of approval to
proceed. I felt his rectum relax. This was the indication to go ahead. I
started my first execution of fucking. This wasn't kid stuff. This was grown
up. It exceeded the experimentation I had achieved with Bobby, Chuck, or
Hal. Eddie was letting me do to him, what I had witnessed him doing to
Marie.

	Nothing in my wildest masturbatory dream could compare to what I was
actually doing. I looked at Eddie's face for some kind of disapproval or
pain...he was smiling up at me.

	"Feel good?", he asked.

	"It's wonderful...Am I hurting you?"

	"Judd, I wouldn't care if you did...knowing that it's YOU...you, inside
me...just do it to me...feel free to do what you want...I want you to own
me."

	I smiled and kiss him again.

	Since this was all new...I didn't know what would happen if I should cum
inside him...was it dangerous...God knows, I couldn't get him pregnant...but
I didn't know if semen could infect the rectal chute. Of course not...I had
tasted the stuff and it wasn't poison...it should be all right, but I'd
better ask first.

	"Eddie, I'm getting close...should I pull out?"

	"No way...pretend you're gonna make a baby inside me and let 'er rip?"

	And that's just what I did...I "let 'er rip" and exploded inside him. I
pumped and pushed until I felt there was no more to come out. I collapsed on
his chest in a sweat, to get my breath.

	"That, without a doubt, was the greatest sensation I've ever had...thank
you Eddie."

	"I enjoyed it, too."

	"Eddie?"

	"If we're going to be lovers...you've got to do it to me too...We have to
share things equally."

	"If that's what you want."

	"It is."

	I lay down and let him get on top of me. He raised my legs in the air to
get a good aim. I saw him spit on his fingers and rub the warm saliva all
over his cock head. Then he began the initial approach to enter me as
painlessly as possible. It did hurt...but I wouldn't show it or let him
know. He had taken all of me without a whimper, and I would obligingly do
the same for him. There was one thing he hinted at but hadn't come right out
and said...The pain goes away when you think of what's being done to you,
but most importantly, when you think of who's doing it to you and why he's
doing it. I felt an urge to "give" myself to him...as I had never "given"
myself to anyone before. not even Hal.
My old standby, "guilt", never entered my mind. To me, this newly engaged
intercourse, meant that we must love each other deeply. This wasn't fun and
games...this was two people expressing love for each other.

	I felt his hot sperm fill my insides...God, what a sensation, that was!!!
He finished by collapsing on my chest as I had his. Then he rolled over,
using my outstretched arm for a pillow.

	We lay there quietly, listening only to the return of our normal
breathing...and the splash of a fish on the other side of the pond. He
turned his head to look at me.

	"Judd, what are you thinking?"

	"I don't know...I feel wonderful...but I feel scared."

	"Of what?"

	"Do you think we will be punished?"

	"Keep thoughts like that out of your mind...no we WON'T be punished...Right
now, I want to know how you feel about me..."

	"I love you, Eddie."

	"And I love you, too, Judd...Do you think you could fall IN love with me?"

	A pause.

	"I already have."

	"I knew I was already in love with you...I just couldn't come to terms with
it. I've never felt anything like this with a member of the same sex...Can I
be totally honest with you?"

	"I hope you will always be."

	"I've never felt anything for Marie, the way I feel about you."

	"Are you serious?"

	"I know it sounds insane, but yes, I mean it."

	"God, Eddie, what are we gonna do?"

	"Just do like you said...we'll take it one day at a time and let the chips
fall where they may. Kiss me, please."

	I didn't need an invitation. I gave him the biggest kiss I had ever known.

	"You know, we really should get back...We have to finish cutting that
field."

	"O.K., boss...whatever you say."

	He continued, "This will have to be those most guarded secret either of us
has ever kept."

	"I know."

	"We must watch our every look and gesture, not to arouse suspicion."

	"I can do that."

	"We will meet and make love, whenever we can...but even when we can't, we
must know that we still love each other."

	I had a strange feeling Hal, not God, had watched and heard us, and he was
telling me that this was O.K...I felt warm and safe inside.

	We dressed, packed up our picnic basket, got in his car and road home
toward the field, each knowing a satisfaction, neither of us had ever known
before.

	Later that night, when Eddie and Marie had retired to Momma's room and I
lay on my bed re-living the day, I heard my door open. It was Eddie.

	"Are you all right?"

	"No, I'm sunburned as hell."

	"Me too...I told Marie you might be, so I was going to bring you some
calamine lotion...Want me to rub it on your back?"

	"Only if you'll rub it on my front, too, lover..." I laughed.

	"Shut up and roll over."

	He tenderly started applying the lotion all over my naked body.


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(to be continued) in just-beyond-that-hill-5