The next thing I remember I was in a cubicle in the emergency room of St. Luke's Hospital. I knew that's where I was because I had been there once when I got food poisoning when I was ten. There was a nurse doing something to my arm and my mom was standing by the bed looking worried. When she saw I was awake she leaned down and smoothed the hair from my forehead and kissed it.
        "Hi, welcome back honey," she said gently, "You gave us quite a scare."
        "Whaaat happened?" I asked feeling weak as a kitten.
       "You probably just got over exerted, the doctor will be in a minute to check you out, but you're gonna be fine honey," she said patting my hand.
        The nurse took my blood pressure and stuck a thermometer in my ear and wrote a bunch of stuff down on a chart then left. I looked at my mom and tried to smile, but I was too weak even for that.
        "Where is Buster?" I asked remembering how I had left things.
      "He's in the waiting room with Joey. They aren't allowed back here. Your father is on his way." she said soothingly. I could see the worry in her eyes and I wondered if she was telling me the real truth. Maybe I was dying, or was paralyzed or something. I tried moving legs and arms and they seemed to work okay but I was so weak.
        "Can I go home soon?" I asked trembling a little. I hated hospitals.
        "Soon honey, as soon as the doctor checks you out."
        "I'm fine," I said trying to sound stronger than I was and failing miserably.
      I could see the fear in my mom's eyes and it was contagious and I began to cry, "Am....I...gonna...be....alright?" I sobbed.
       She held me to her and patted me gently, "You'll be fine honey. Oh, please don't cry sweetie, here's the doctor now," she said as a young dark haired guy pulled the curtain back and stepped in.
       If I hadn't been so miserable and dying I might have thought he was cute. Well, I thought I was dying anyway. I tensed up as he stepped over to the bed and picked up the chart. My heart was beating ninety miles an hour as I waited for him to speak and when he did I jumped a little at the sound of his voice.
      "Hi Dominick, I'm Dr. Reed. I just need to check you out and hopefully we will send you on your way. Can you tell me exactly what happened?" he asked as he took out a little flashlight and held my eye open and shined it inside.
       "I was just talking to...to..my friend Buster and I felt kind of dizzy and then I woke up here. That's about it," I said trying to remember what I had last said to Buster.
       "Uh huh, and before that, did you do anything out of the ordinary?"
      "Well, I uh, ran a long way. I ran all the way to his house and I was kind of tired, but I...uh...I.....I think I'm gonna throw up," I said gagging but it was too late, green vomit came spewing out of my mouth like a fire hydrant. I tried to raise up and hit the floor but most of it went on the bed and my chest. My mom was an expert at holding kid's heads while they vomited and she was right there to help. I finally ran out of vomit and was dry heaving a little but for the most part it was over and I fell down on the bed panting. I was exhausted and could barely hold my eyes open. I was vaguely aware of someone running a cool wet cloth across my forehead and then I was out again.
        When I woke up next I was in a different place but still in the hospital. My mom was there and my dad and they looked white as a sheet, even my dad and that scared me. My dad was like a pillar of strength and I guessed if he was that worried I must be pretty sick.
        Someone had cleaned me up and I was in one of those stupid hospital gowns that showed your butt when you stood up but I didn't care. I figured if I was gonna die it didn't really matter what I was wearing. I just had one request, I wanted to see Buster one last time and tell him I loved him and that I was sorry. Oh, and I wanted to see Joey one last time too, so that was two requests. I was rambling in my own head and it was making me more tired.
        "Dommie," my mom said gently, "feel better honey?" She was patting my free hand, I noticed the other one had an IV in it, and trying to sound upbeat, but I could see the worry and fear in her eyes. I must be dying.
        "I...I'm dying aren't I?" I said boldly. I refused to go out whining.
       "No sport," my dad said coming to the other side of my bed, "they did a bunch of tests, but you're not dying son. They'll figure it out and fix you right up and you'll be fine."
        Somehow coming from my dad it sounded more believable and I relaxed a little. "Is Buster still here?" I asked weakly.
        "Yes dear, he and Joey are out in the waiting room with Buster's parents. They got here about a half hour ago."
          "How long have I been in here, this room I mean?"
        "About two hours, well you were in x-ray for a while but it's been about two hours since they moved you from the ER. Dr.Reed says he thinks you may have some sort of bug. The tests should tell them for sure."
        "A bug, you mean like a virus?" I asked wondering where I picked it up.
        She nodded, "That's one possible reason, but they don't know for sure. The x-rays didn't show anything but they might do a MRI if the other tests come back negative."
        "MRI?"
        "It's a sort of brain scan, but it might not be necessary. We'll see sweetie. Just rest now. Do you need a drink? The nurse said you could have ice chips or water."
       Mom always trying to mother me. I sighed and even that took more strength than I could muster.  I just wanted to sleep and a second later I was out like a light.
         I awoke to the strangest sensation and the sound of someone singing softly. As I came up out of the void of unconsciousness I realized the strange sensation was someone holding my hand and rubbing it gently and the singing was.....Buster's sweet voice. I didn't know how he had managed to get permission to be in my room or if he had just sneaked in but there he was and the sight of him brought tears to my eyes. As I became fully conscious I recognized the song he was singing, Back Street Boys' Show me the meaning of being lonely. It was like our favorite song even though it was sad. His voice was soft and pure and to a 13 year old boy in love, it was the sweetest sound in the world. I felt tears start to run down my face and saw that he was crying too, but it didn't affect his voice. He just kept on singing and rubbing my hand and I bawled like a baby. I loved him so much it hurt and I knew that if he ever left me part of me would die.
            He finished the song and just sat there staring at me for what seemed like forever as I tried to pull myself together. He wiped at his eyes with the tail of his tee shirt and I saw his smooth flat tummy and I cried harder. What if I never got to kiss that tummy or touch his body again. That was silly of course, he was holding my hand and rubbing it gently, he wasn't mad any more or at least if he was he was putting it on hold for now. Oh my God, I suddenly thought, he must know I'm dying and he doesn't want me to die thinking he's mad at me. That scared me so bad I trembled and a look of alarm came over his face.
            "Do..do yo need the nurse?" he said speaking for the first time since I woke up.
          I shook my head and squeezed his hand, "I....I'm sooorry," I sobbed, "I know I'm dying, but I will always looove....you," I was really blubbering then. So much for going out without a whine.
           He laughed softly then shook his head, "You're not gonna die. I won't let ya. The doc says you had a panic attack. Do you know what that is?"
           I shook my head. Was that like a brain tumor? Were they going to have to operate?
           "It means that you go so stressed out over this stuff between us  plus you ran like a mile and got your blood rushing through your body and it shut down or something. That's all. You'll be fine. Look Dommie," he said dropping my hand and standing up suddenly, "I'm still mad, and I need to do some thinking but I do love you and I'm here because I want you to know that, but I can't just forget what happened. Do you understand?"
         I started crying again, but I understood. He was such a great person and I had ruined everything for us. I wasn't sure if I wanted to get better if I couldn't be his boyfriend anymore.
       "Don't, please...." he muttered, "It won't help things if you get upset again, you could have a relapse or something......"
          "I don't care. If I can't  have you....I don't care if I live or die. I told you that and I meant it." I said managing to stop crying long enough to speak.
          He sighed and looked at me as if I were some difficult two year old, "You don't mean that and you know it. You will be fine one way or the other, and....I'm not saying we can't be together, I just need to think this thing out, okay?" he looked sad as he finished.
            I nodded, "Will...you be here for a little while?"
          He shook his head, "My folks are leaving in a little while and I have to go with them,but they're releasing you tomorrow so....I might come see you at home."
            "Promise?" I said miserably.
            "I won't promise because you know I won't break a promise and this is one I don't wanna make."
            I tried to give him my pitiful puppy dog eyes, but he wasn't having any of it. I had hurt him too much for him to fall for that crap so I gave up and accepted my fate. I felt really sleepy again and I was almost out of it when I felt his lips touch mine and for a moment I thought it was a dream, then he was gone and I slept.
           I guess they gave me something to make me sleep because I don't remember much about that night, just foggy images as the nurses came and went and then it was morning and my mom and dad were there to pick me up. They wheeled me out of the room and Joey came bounding over to me and practically sat in my lap as he kissed and hugged me. It was so good to see him, they hadn't let him in to visit because of his age, and I knew he must've been worried sick. He was smiling though as he held my hand and walked beside the wheelchair all the way down to the lobby. Dad went on ahead and pulled the van around to the pick up spot and I climbed into the back with my little brother. It seemed like years since I had seen him and I almost cried just looking at his sweet face. I loved him so much it hurt and I knew I didn't deserve to have a brother like him, but sometimes I guess God gives us more than we earn.
             He chattered all the way home and when we got there dad helped me upstairs to my room and I climbed into my bed. My mom fluffed my pillow and pampered me and finally went off to fix me some soup which I doubted I could eat and as soon as my folks were gone Joey hopped up in bed with me and snuggled against me.
           "I was soooo scared Dommie," he said sadly, "I was afraid you....you...were gonna leave me..." he said choking back tears.
              I didn't tell him I had thought the same thing, instead I just smoothed his hair back from him forehead like my mom always did to us and kissed him there. He smiled up at me and I knew things would be alright. If Buster didn't love me any more than I could learn to love again as long as I had my mom and dad and especially my little brother Joey. I held him and patted him and soon I was aware of his soft regular breathing and I realized he was asleep. Poor little guy must not have slept all night worrying about me and wanting me to come home. I sighed and soon I was asleep too.
          When I woke Joey was gone but I felt about a hundred percent better just knowing he was there for me when I needed him. It's amazing what the simple pure love of a kid brother can do to heal a broken heart. My mom found us asleep that day and took a picture and I still have a copy of it in my memory album. She told me that she cried when she saw us snuggled up together and at first I was afraid she thought we had been doing something wrong, then she said it was the sweetest thing she had ever seen in her life and she just had to take a picture so we would never forget how close we were that day.
            I got dressed and had dinner with my family and hardly thought about Buster. If my folks suspected we had a fight, or that our relationship might be over, they never let on that day or in the days that followed. They may have suspected, oh hell they had to know, but except for a few words of encouragement and an offer to help any way they could, they never interfered.
          Joey however knew exactly what had happened and he was there for me every step of the way. That first night back from the hospital and every night for a week he slipped into my bed after mom's goodnight kiss and slept with me. We didn't have sex, that wasn't why he was there and we both knew and understood that, he was there to comfort me an help me deal with what I had done and the consequences of it. I'm not sure I would have made it through that time in my life if I hadn't had my little brother on my side, but fortunately I didn't have to find out and to this day if I have a crisis he is the first one to come to my rescue. Joey, my little bro....I love you.





End of chapters 19-20

    Wow, I got soooo emotional writing these chapters. I hope you feel the emotions our young characters experienced during that time. They were so young and fragile and yet showed amazing strength of character and perseverance. Whew, that said I hope you are still enjoying the story. I know I keep stressing this, but Please Email me and let me know if you are still following the story and if you like it. I'm a pig for feedback and I wallow in it...lol. One interesting point, I have had three different readers email me saying I was the first Nifty author they had written to and that they loved my style and my story. Wow, I am so humbled. Thanks to everyone who has written me and I hope to hear from all of you again.
    Next chapter we see how things go for our young lovers and some surprises concerning Joey.