I went through each day after Dommie and I split up like I was in a dream. I know I shouldn't have taken it so hard. I knew Dommie loved me and I also knew he was a horny boy, just like most of us. What I couldn't deal with was that he sneaked around and did that stuff with Jason. If the jerk had just told me he was wanting to hit the new kid next door, I'd of said sure just leave me some for later and it would have been no big deal. I almost died when he keeled over in my floor and I just knew that if anything ever happened to him, I could never get over it. So why was I being a jerk and making him suffer? Well, I have feeling too.
         I know everyone thinks I am this really tough kid and nothing bothers me, but Dommie nearly broke my heart when he cheated on me and I just couldn't get over it, at least not right then. I know I only made it worse on myself, but I just couldn't help it. I may not be as tough as people think, but I'm stubborn as a mule and I just wasn't ready to forgive Dommie yet.
          That first day he came back to school I felt really bad when he dissed me and sat up front on the bus, but it was my own fault. I should have been a little friendlier but my big fat pride got in the way and I caused us both to get hurt more. After that day he wouldn't sit with me anymore and I was too stubborn to do anything about it. I tried to act like it didn't bother me and even talked to other kids around me, but I was hurting every minute of the ride home. I was glad he got off first cause then I didn't have to look a the back of his head and think how cute he was and how much I missed holding him and kissing him and...the sex of course.
        Sex...that was what caused all the trouble to begin with and I hadn't had any since before I got grounded, unless you count my hand while dreaming of Dommie. I swear I never think of any other boy when I do it, and that's the truth. I know I have had sex with other boys, but always with Dommie there and part of it and my love for him has never been affected by it. I never once thought of doing what he did to me and never would and I guess that made me wonder about other things we might not agree on.
        I mean he had to know he was doing something wrong. Maybe that made it hotter for him, forbidden sex, or something...lol. As if gay boy sex isn't forbidden enough. Whatever the reason it changed everything between us. I felt like I didn't know him anymore. That day I caught him and Jason in bed naked and knowing what they had done was the worst day of my life. I went straight home and bawled like a baby. Yeah, I said it, I bawled like a baby and I don't care who knows it. I don't cry much, but Dommie brings tears on me worse than anyone I know.
        Take that day at the hospital, when I sang to him: I really wanted him to know that I still loved him and that was our favorite song and that made me cry, but I didn't mess up and he cried too and for one minute I almost broke and forgave him. But my damn stubborn pride kept me from doing what I should've and then it just got worse. He makes me so mad, but I love him sooo much that it hurts and yet I couldn't get over my hurt enough to fix our broken hearts.
        I spent a lot of time at home those days, and my parents must've thought I was an alien in Buster's body cause they had never seen me as helpful or good as I was those days. I kept my room clean and I helped with the dishes and did my homework and even washed both of the cars. There was nothing else to do and it helped to keep my mind off Dommie and the ache in my heart and the pain in my gut. I didn't sleep worth a damn at night for thinking about how Dommie had laid right there in my bed with me all those times and I didn't let my mom wash my sheets that first week cause I swore I could smell him on them and even though it made me sad it was all I had of him.
       My days became a blur. School hurt most and I couldn't wait for the weekend, then I wanted Monday to come so I could see Dommie again, even if he wouldn't talk to me. I knew all I had to do was say I forgave him and things would be okay again, but I was just so damned stubborn and a real idiot and things just got worse.
         One Monday I decided I'd had enough and when I climbed on the bus instead of going back to my (our) usual seat I stepped past Dommie and plopped down beside him. He looked at me with big sad eyes but didn't say anything and after a minute or two he just closed his eyes and ignored me. Man, that made me so mad I almost hit him  but instead I did the worst thing I could've done, I ignored him.
      Imagine how we looked sitting there puffed up like two peacocks and both hurting and so stubborn we wouldn't even talk things out. I look back on that shit now and I am so pissed at myself, but I was a jerk back then and I got what I deserved. Of course it didn't seem that way back then, I was the injured party and no way was I giving in. If you think that was bad though wait till I tell you what happened that day after school.
        Dommie and I had two classes together that year, one after lunch and 6th hour PE and of course PE was the worst. I had to see Dommie dressed down in shorts and sometimes I'd even see him shirtless if we played skins and shirts and of course the shower was the worst, cause I might catch a glimpse of him naked and I had such a pain in the pit of my stomach then that  almost made me throw up. God, love does awful things to a guy, but it's an awesome thing too and I knew if we ever got over this thing it would be awesome again.
      Anyway that day was especially bad in PE. We played a game of b-ball and Dommie was a skin and I couldn't take my eyes off of his naked chest and his cute legs and I messed up every time I tried to make a play. He was like really on his game that day and that bothered me a lot, cause it seemed like he was over me even though I wasn't over him. I didn't think I would ever be over him, but I didn't know if I could do what I needed to do to fix things again. I finally did what most jerks like me do, I turned my sadness into anger and I went after Dommie like a bulldog on a pork chop. He didn't stand a chance when I started and I could see the hurt and anger in his eyes and I still kept on dogging him. He couldn't score a single basket and finally the other boys quit handing off to him and he just hung back and steamed, shooting me go to hell looks the rest of the game. To make matters worse I grinned like a moron and let him know exactly what I had been doing.
       Finally when no one was in ear shot I said, "Hey, what's the problem? You're playing like a little girl today."
      Maybe it was because of all that shit bottled up inside him or maybe he just wanted to hurt me, but for what ever reason he pulled back his fist and punched me right in the nose. I gotta say it hurt like a mother and when I felt my nose I pulled back a bloody hand. I was so mad I saw stars and then I was on Dommie and pounding him with my fists and cussing him and it took three kids to pull me off of him.
        The only thing that saved our bacon was that Coach had gone to the office for a few minutes and didn't come back till we had cleaned up the mess of my blood. Of course I couldn't hide the fact that I had a bloody nose, so I told Coach I got elbowed accidentally and he bought it cause he hardly ever had any trouble out of us boys in his class. Dommie didn't  have any injuries that showed, I had mostly just slapped him around but I could see the fear and hurt in his eyes and it broke my heart all over again. What is it about love that makes us want to hit back when our hearts are broken?
        I skipped showering because I didn't want to face Dommie or any of the other boys and when the bell rang I sprinted to the bus and fell down in the back seat and kept my head down the whole time. I bled a little and used my tee shirt to soak up the blood and got heck for that at home, but I didn't tell them the truth about what had happened.
        I took a shower, did my homework, ate supper and went to bed that night sure I would never be with Dommie again but I didn't cry, not then anyway. I was too tough for that, I just accepted my fate and tried to think about what came next. In time I guessed I'd find someone else, though that sounded impossible at the moment. I hadn't thought of anyone but Dommie for a long time and no one came to mind that I even remotely liked. I guess I knew that you didn't just get over something like that over night but I still couldn't see myself ever loving anyone like I loved Dommie.  I know I was only 13 and as green as grass, but I knew my love for Dommie was something special and there would never be another like it.
        The next day I conned my mom into letting me stay home. I told her my nose hurt and it was swollen so I guess she believed me and anyway I did have a headache so I was only half faking. I laid around and thought about Dommie and replayed that cluster fuck in the gym in my head and it was almost funny when I saw it for what it was. We were two stupid love sick boys who had hurt each other so much that we had to resort to violence to soothe our bruised hearts and it was just a matter of time till it happened. It could've been worse, we could have been caught fighting and got suspended or really hurt each other and I don't think I could have lived with that if I had hurt Dommie more than I did. I did cry a little that day as I lay around moping and licking my wounds but by the end of that day I was pretty much convinced that it was over and I had to move on.
           You must wonder what my parents thought about Dommie and I not seeing each other any more, but I think deep down inside they knew it was more than two best friends having a fight and I don't think they wanted to accept what that meant. I mean when we were together they just played it off but now that we weren't friends anymore it was the elephant in the room and neither of them was going to mention it until they had too.
         That week was a living hell for me. I couldn't even look at him without wanting to cry and it hurt inside so bad I thought I was going to die. I hardly ate lunch any more, I just hung out in the halls or the parking lot and acted like nothing was wrong.  A lot of my other friends knew something was wrong and a few asked me what had happened but I played it off and no one pressed me on it, not cause they believed me, but because they didn't want to risk my kicking their ass like I had Dommie's.
          I even stopped fapping because I kept seeing Dommie's cute face and the look he had when I was pounding on him in the gym that day and that hurt so bad I lost my boner every time. I was a mess and things just seemed to get worse as the weeks passed. You would think the pain would go away after a while but...no such luck. Eventually I began to loose weight and I looked so bad my folks couldn't ignore my problem any more. One night after supper they sat me down in the living room and had a talk with me.
         At first I thought it was about something else, my grandma had been sick and I thought maybe she had died or gotten worse, but when they started talking about how bad I looked and how I was moping around I got worried. What if they had figured things out and hated me cause I was gay? I was shaking as they kept talking and I guess they saw I was freaking and my dad came over and sat beside me and did the most amazing thing. He put his arm around me and said, "No matter what, we love you Buster and you can trust us. We only want you to be happy and right now, you are one miserable boy. Now, what can we do to change that?"
         I didn't know what to say at first, I mean how do you tell your parents you are in love with another boy and he broke your heart by cheating on you? I just sat there staring and if my dad hadn't started things I might never have spoken at all.
        "It's about Dommick, isn't it?" he said sounding embarrassed, "I mean you two used to spend all your free time together and now....Did you two have a fight....or something?"
       I almost laughed, a fight or something? I sighed and considered what to say and suddenly words started pouring out of my mouth and it was like I was hovering above the three of us and watching some stupid gay kid tell his folks the biggest pile of bullshit they had ever heard.
         "Yeah, we had a fight. I found out he...that he is....,uh,  Dommie is gay and I don't want no faggot for a friend. I guess he's in love with me or something and wanted me to...to..to do sex stuff with him but I told him, no way and I didn't want to see him anymore." How could I say those things about Dommie just to cover my own ass? I hated myself but I still couldn't stop my stupid mouth from running on, "He....he even punched me in the nose in gym class and I...I, ummm I fought back but no one but the other kids saw it. I...I, just want to forget about him....okay?"
           I was crying then, and my mom came over and sat beside me and put her arm around me too. I could see the look of surprise and disbelief in their eyes and I wondered if they somehow already knew the truth. Maybe they had talked to Dommie's folks but had just been letting us handle things until I started getting sick over it. My mom pulled me against her and my dad let go of me and that made me feel a little bad. Was he disappointed in me for being a fag, or for lying?
          "Dommie is such a sweet boy," my mom said after a few minutes, "are you sure that's the problem?" she asked and I knew she knew it was bullshit.
            "He's okay I guess.....I just don't wanna.....have....a.....gay....friend," I blubbered.
           "That's not how we raised you son," my father finally said, "gay or straight Dommie was your friend and that shouldn't affect your friendship. I mean if he...umm...came on to you, wasn't there some way to turn him down without ending your friendship?"
          I shook my head and cried harder. I couldn't go on with this lie any longer. Dommie already hated me enough, if I let this lie stand he would never speak to me again and I couldn't live with myself.
         "I....I...I'm so...so sorry," I sobbed, "I lied about the whole thing.....well, most of it....the reason we are fighting is....because....because....he...he cheated on me with another boy. I'm sorry but I....I...I'm a faggot too and I ....I love Dommie and I know that don't make no sense and you probably hate me....." I had to stop there to wipe my eyes and my nose, "but it's true. It aint how I wanted things to be, but I.....can't help it....I guess I was born this way. It's not your fault mom and dad, I'm just sick, that's all and.....and...I love Dommie and it hurts so bad...." I broke down then and collapsed against my mom and she held me like she  used to when I was a little kid and I just cried for a long time.
            My dad put his arm around me again but didn't say anything but I could tell he was trying to deal with  this new information I had just laid on them. My mom already knew all this, but I didn't know that until later and she had already accepted it. She kissed my hair and soothed me and I felt two years old again. I just wanted to crawl up in her lap and let her hold me forever and never have to face life again but eventually my tears dried up and I had to face the consequences of my confession.
           "Buster," my dad began, "first of all, son...we don't hate you. We love you with all our heart and soul. You are my son and no matter what I will always love you and be there for you. I will admit I don't understand exactly how you feel, but I know the feelings are real and painful for you and I respect you for telling us the truth, even if you did take the long way around."
         I sniffed back some snot and said, "I just couldn't let you think Dommie was bad and I was good. I....I..I'm the one who...who....made the first move."
          "So those, uh...rumors at your old school...they were true? You and that boy...."
          I nodded. "I guess I've always been a faggot. I....I....wish I liked girls but I just don't and when I met Dommie I just knew he was the one for me. I...I...love him dad...mom, he is like the most wonderful boy in the world and I can't live without him but I....can't get over what he did to me...to us....I...don't know what to do," I said crying a little again.
         "We can't tell you what to do honey, it's your life, but if you really love him, no matter how much he hurt you, if he is truly sorry, you have to try to forgive him." my mom said stroking my hair gently.
        It sounded so easy when she put it like that, but she wasn't considering my stupid pride. I was still trying to deal with the fact that I had just spilled my guts to my parents and I was still living. Anyway, I thought, Dommie probably hated me now after the way I had treated him the last few weeks since he got out of the hospital.
        "I think you are too young to have this kind of relationship, but obviously it's too late to stop it now. I do want to have a talk with you about being safe and responsible, but I...uh, will have to do some research on that since this is a little different situation than I had imagined," my dad said sounding embarrassed again.
          "The real question here sweetie is, how can we help you to fix this situation?" my mom said pulling back and looking me right in the eyes. I had never really noticed her eyes before and they were nice, and they seemed to be looking right through to my soul.
         "I...I don't know. I've been such a jerk to him, but I was hurting so bad...I just..went nuts. But when he was in the hospital I was so scared he was going to...to die and I had to see him one last time, but then I found out he was gonna be okay and I....I let him face all that stuff alone. I'm no better than he is...he just made a mistake and I wish I had just...I wish I could just forget it but I can't."
          "It will take time, but in the mean time there is no reason why you can't at least be civil to one another. No more fighting young man," my dad said grinning, "and no more name calling. It has to start somewhere, and I suggest it starts with you. Be a man and admit you were wrong and if Dommie is truly sorry accept his apology."
          I nodded. I still couldn't believe he didn't hate me. I mean we had never really talked about stuff like this but I just figured he wouldn't want a fag for a son. My mom, well....what can I say? Moms love their kids no matter what and mine loved me enough for anything I could do.
        "I just don't know if I can....face him again...not yet. I've been a real jerk and hurt him as much as he hurt me....maybe more. I don't know if I deserve him anymore." I said finally admitting what I had been thinking all along.
          "Do you love him son?" my mom asked cutting right to the chase.
        I thought about his face, his body, how his hand felt in mine, his lips on mine, and how much I loved just being near him and I nodded as tears ran down my face. I wanted to run all the way to his house like he had to mine that day he passed out and throw myself at his feet, but I knew the time wasn't right yet.
        My mom squeezed me tight and my dad patted my back, "Then tell him how you feel and get things right before it's too late."
       I gave her a weak smile and sniffed back the tears. Why couldn't I be a man and quit blubbering like a little girl? I pulled myself together and hugged my mom then my dad and stood up, "I love you both so much and I want you to know that...that I don't deserve parents as cool as you. I...I thought you would hate me if you knew and I kept it a secret for all that time and now that you know....I...I feel so free."
          "We could never hate you son," my dad said looking a little teary-eyed himself.
         My mom smiled mischievously and said, "It really wasn't as big a secret as you may think, I have suspected you  two might be closer than friends usually are, but I didn't want to interfere." My dad looked at her strangely and I wondered if they had ever discussed this or if it was a complete surprise to him. He sort of had that, 'we'll discuss this later' look on his face and that made me smile.
         I hugged them both and went up to my room and took a long hot shower. Things might not have been perfect yet, but at least I no longer had to worry about keeping my deepest darkest secret from my parents. I felt liberated and happy for the first time in a long time, but eventually I came back to reality. Dommie and I were still apart and I had treated him like dirt and for all I knew he hated me now. Maybe him and Jason were kicking it now and I was old news. I didn't know if I could stand that, but there wasn't anything I could do about it, but I was going to find out if it killed me.
        For the first time since the fight began I called Dommie's house. His mom answered and sounded surprised but happy to hear from me.
        "Buster, sweetie..it's good to hear your voice. Do you want to talk to Dommie? He will be so happy. He just hasn't been the same boy lately. Hold on I'll get him," she said rambling on about a mile a minute. I heard her yell at Joey to go get Dommie and then I heard footsteps and Dommie answered the phone.
        "Hello.." he said, his voice sounding shaky but as sweet as I remembered.
         I had to stop a minute and get myself under control before I spoke, "Hi, it's me...Buster," I said realizing how lame that sounded.
        "Oh, yeah...hi, what's up?" he asked sounding a little cool.
       "I...need to talk to you....not now, but maybe tomorrow sometime.....after school or at lunch or something...I  got some stuff to tell ya."
        "Uh, is it good or bad? he asked sounding worried.
        "Good, I think....I mean I promise I won't hit ya," I joked and laughed a little.
        He laughed too and I could imagine  him rolling his eyes like he always does, "Good, cause I'd kick your ass if you did."
        "Lick my ass...did you say lick my ass?" I teased.
        I could almost feel the tension go out of him even from a mile away over the phone line, "Is that what you want?"
        "I...I want you...to know...I'm sorry for being a jerk. I won't lie and say I'm  over what happened but I'm really sorry about the way I've acted. I want to talk about it if you do."
        "I want to! I can't stand being apart," he said sounding like he was starting to cry.
        "I wish...I wish I could come over there right now and talk to you, but it's so late and all...."
        I heard him sniff back tears, "I know, I wish it too, but we can talk tomorrow and.....uh, sit together on the bus, right?"
        "Yeah, from now on....I....hated you sitting somewhere else. Hey, I gotta go, but I had to call and make sure you'd talk to me. I got a lot to tell ya and I think some of it will be a big surprise." I said mysteriously.
        He tittered, "Now what?" and I pictured him rolling his eyes again and I laughed. Man it felt good to laugh again.
        We said goodnight for about 15 minutes cause neither of us wanted to hang up first but when we finally did I felt like a load had been lifted off of my shoulders and everything would be alright again. I considered going in and telling my folks but decided to wait till I had better news. Maybe tomorrow when I came home I'd have my boyfriend back and now that my rents were cool with it it would be even better than before.
        I fapped again that night and thought of Dommie and came so hard I just fell asleep afterwards. I was nervous when I woke up that next day and went off to the bus stop early and waited for the bus. It seemed like it took forever but finally there was the bus and I climbed onboard and walked back to our seat and plopped down. The next stop was Dommie's and as we got closer I could see him standing on the corner pacing and looking nervous. He climbed in and took one look at me and headed my way. He was grinning nervously and when he sat down beside me he looked at me and shrugged. It was the first time I'd seen him since that day in the hospital and it was all I could do to keep my hands off of him, but there was still some things we had to work out and that would have to wait.