Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 12:10:18 EDT
From: Yakovl@aol.com
Subject: Me and My Son Part 1

OK I have a story to tell you all.  It involves me and my son, and I am not
sure that I did the right thing, so you'll have to be the judge.  I guess I
am writing this all down because I kind of feel guilty, but I really don't
think I did anything wrong.  What I did was out of love, and we both knew
what we were doing....

I will try to get you the main facts.... my son just turned 16.  His mother
raised him, I was out of the picture...I mean I was only 17 when she got
pregnant.  I was so young and not interested in anything but myself.  I had
to graduate from high school, and I already was accepted into a great
college.  We were friends, great friends, I was like a member of her
family, but we were way too young to get married.  Her parents were really
cool about the pregnancy.  During her 7th month, her father died, and being
the oldest of 4 sisters, she was really needed at home.  So, she stayed
home, and helped everyone, especially her Mother.  We stayed close friends,
like we always were...and we had a baby.  We named him Jake, he was a
beautiful kid.

I went on with my life and she went on with hers.  I went to college, had a
great time, learned a lot about life, met some fantastic friends, and did
my own thing.  I saw my son and his Mother when I came home, but didn't
really spend any great lengths of time with them. Again, she was in her own
world.

I am not proud that I had basically abandoned my son, but it's almost like
he was just her kid, and not mine.  Her family is pretty wealthy, and
didn't demand anything of me at all, so, at the time everything was ok.

After college, I got an incredible job offer that was on the East Coast.  I
thought about it a lot, and weighed the options.  Again, I suppose I only
thought of myself, but I had this opportunity to eventually make a lot of
money.  Needless to say, I took the job.

After that, there was no turning back and my life was never the same.  I
became very involved in my job.  My job and co-workers became my life. My
associates at the office included me in their lives and I was never at a
loss for female companionship.  I had some great sex with the most
beautiful girls.  I was constantly being fixed up.  But, at this time in my
life, my only interest was furthering my career, and making money. I had
sex when I could stay awake long enough to get it up.  You get the picture.
All my energy was for my career.

What little free time I had was spent at the gym, relieving stress.  I
worked myself mentally and physically as hard as I could.

During the next 11 years I was home twice. Just for Christmas, as I was
never close with my parents.  I was their only child and they became more
interested in their friends than in me.


During these visits, I saw my son briefly, things had changed, and his
Mother became bitter, and jealous, and basically kept him at a distance.
It seemed that she was mad at me for making something of myself....for
leaving her behind, for becoming independent and successful...Wasn't it her
choice to stay home and be with her sisters and her Mother?  Many times I
sent money, and she always sent it back saying she was fine on her own, and
to stay out of it.

So, out of it I stayed.


My son wrote to me on occasion, emailed me a few times a week...I always
responded ...congratulating him on what ever accomplishment he was
informing me about.  We hardly ever spoke on the phone. He seemed like a
good kid.  The last time I saw him he was about to turn 12.

That was 4 years ago.

A few months ago, I started to get an email a day from Jake.  He claimed
everything was ok.  He said he just wanted to keep in touch.  To tell me
about his life.  But I sensed something else.  He even started calling me
at home, which rarely happened.  It was incredible connecting with this
kid, he was almost 16, he had a deep voice, very strong, and we talked
sometimes at night for almost an hour.  (He always said that it was ok
because his Aunt gave him a calling card).  I always offered to pay for
something of his, like his own line or a cell phone, but his mother flatly
refused.  She was very strict about not taking anything from me.  Jake told
me his Mother didn't approve of him talking to me as much as he did, and
was nervous if she found out.  I mean I was his Father.  I know I wasn't
there for him when he was growing up, but I was still his Father.

I was really connecting with Jake.  It was amazing to me that this well
rounded kid was my son, my flesh and blood.  Come on...I was only 34.  I
was so young to have someone so old be my kid.  It was almost unbelievable
to me.  I couldn't even keep a girlfriend because I couldn't commit to
anything other than my profession, and yet I had a son who was now coming
back into my life.

When he called, it was usually later in the evening, after 9:00, when no
one at his house was around...  He just talked and told me about his school
and his friends and how he liked to read and watch TV and play games on the
computer.  He told me about movies he saw, which he wanted to see.  He
asked about my life and if I was going to get married...I wasn't even
dating seriously...I asked if he was dating, more kidding than anything
else...he said no way, MOM would never allow it.  I asked him if he was
happy, and he said "I really don't know what that means."  I was
speechless, what 15 year old kid would say that?  I said, Aren't you happy
living with your Mother and your Grandmother?"  He said, "Please, I don't
want to cause trouble, but they treat me like a baby.  They don't know me
at all; they won't let me grow up.  They won't let me stay out late or they
don't let me do anything...they don't let me be a man..." I think he even
started to cry.  I asked if he was ok, and he said yes, he is always ok,
and don't worry.

I had to do something...

Again, I had just turned 34 years old, working my butt off, making more
money than I could spend fantastic car, condo, and all the techno gadgets
you could imagine, living the high life...and just developing a conscience.
Was there any place in my life for my son?

I was in a difficult position.  My son was hurting emotionally and I had no
rights to do anything.

He kept calling and talking, I tried to keep it as light as possible.  But,
he always threw in something about how sad he was, just subtle hints, never
intentionally bad mouthing anyone. I brought up his upcoming 16th birthday
and asked him what his plans were.  He said nothing, and that "MOM" would
probably just make a cake and have the girls over. (Meaning his Aunts, who
also never married, most were still living at home).  I tried the best I
could to be supportive.  I tried to tell him how much his Mother loved him,
and how lucky he was to have so many people around him that loved him.

Jake told me that he wanted to work out, and his Mother wouldn't let him
because she was afraid he would hurt himself.  He wanted a skateboard, His
Mother said no.  He wanted to go on a ski trip at school, Mom said no.

I told him that his Mother was looking out for him, the best way she knew
how.  He said, "She won't let me be a boy".  Isn't that an odd thing to
say?

I thought long and hard about how to handle this.

I decided to call his Mother and ask her if I could come and visit Jake.
We talked a long time.  I didn't break any confidences, but subtly told her
that Jake needed a male presence in his life.  What really astounded me was
that she agreed.  She suggested me visiting Jake for his birthday.  She
kind of warned me that he was just like me, very smart, very aggressive,
and extremely handsome.  She said, "He looks just like you, if I didn't
know any better it's almost like he is your brother, because of how much he
resembles you when you were his age...its amazing".

I had some overdue vacation coming, and asked her if he could come to see
me for a few days.  It may do him good to get away.  Reluctantly, she
agreed.

We decided that I would be the one to ask Jake if he wanted to visit me.  I
thought it was very generous of his Mother.

I immediately called him.  I said, "I understand you have a big birthday
coming up, how would you like to spend it with me here?"  There was
silence, and then, "You're kidding, right?"

I replied, "Nope, serious as hell"

He said, "WOW, that's awesome, but Mom will never go for it."

I said, "We already talked about it and she said it's ok . . . if you are
ok about traveling by yourself."  His reply was that of a very excited boy.
For once he seemed so happy.  We agreed that I would call him with details,
and that he would spend a week with me...

MAN WAS I NERVOUS!!!

As his visit approached, I made plans.  I arranged for a week off at work.
I had my condo thoroughly cleaned.  I even went grocery shopping, buying
what I thought a 16 year old would like.  I got a guest pass at my gym for
Jake; in case he wanted to see what working out was all about. I made some
tentative plans for day trips.

Finally the day approached.

As I drove to the airport, I thought back about the last time I saw Jake.
It was about 4 years ago, and it was just for about an hour. He was a
typical 12 year old; just on the verge of puberty, his voice hadn't changed
back then.  This was going to be the first time in his life that we would
spend time alone and more than a few hours.  I was hoping that he liked me,
I hoped more than anything he wasn't mad at me for not being there for him.
I wanted to prove to him that it was best for him.

So, I am at the airport, anxiously awaiting the arrival of my son.  My
son. WOW!!!

I had seen pictures of Jake, but nothing prepared me for what I saw come
off the plane.

Here he was my son.  My god damned beautiful boy.  I know every parent
thinks their child is beautiful, but mine was unbelievable.  He was so
tall, almost my height which is over 6 feet.  Dark brown hair, big brown
eyes, with long lashes, smooth skin, good nose...  big white straight
teeth. He looked like he was about 20.  Very mature looking.  None of the
gawkiness you see in kids his age. It was amazing that this was the same
kid who I saw 4 years ago....More amazingly, he was the spitting image of
me.  I swear.  This was me 16 years ago.

He walked up to me and stuck his hand out in an awkward way and I just
grabbed him and hugged him.  He was tentative, for a second or two, but
hugged me back.  I even think I started to cry.  It was so surrealistic.
That minute had changed my life FOREVER.  It was like we were in a movie or
something