Date: Thu, 9 Jan 2003 11:19:15 -0800 (PST)
From: Tom Borden <tombor99@yahoo.com>
Subject: "My Father, My Son"  77th Installment

This Chapter 77, a continuation of "My Father, My Son."  All the
conditions, warnings, and disclaimers listed at the beginning of the early
chapters of this series apply.  All comments are welcome, constructive or
destructive.


Send to:   Tom Borden,   tombor99@yahoo.com


My Father, My Son
Chapter 77

After Tom and Josiah said goodnight, Josiah went to his room.  There he
found Brian copying some notes he had made while talking with Jake.  Josiah
went over to the table and gave Brian a kiss.  Brian didn't ask about
Josiah's conversation with Tom.

After Josiah stripped down, getting ready to take his shower, he sat across
from Brian and said, "Brian I'm sorry Michael asked you to leave Dr. Borden
and me alone.  I want to tell you what happened.  The long and the short of
it is that he has apparently been very attracted to me for some time.  I
guess he had talked to Michael about it, and Michael told him to tell me
how he felt about me."

Without looking up, Brian said, "I suspected something like that."  Then
looking up, he said, "Are you attracted to him, too?"

"You know how I feel about Tom . . . he wants me to call him Tom.  You and
I have talked about how good looking he is.  Yes, as I've said before, I am
attracted to him.  But, Brian, we're attracted to a lot of guys.  That
doesn't mean I'm going to pick up and run off with him."

Brian said, "He must have something in mind, Josiah.  I'm sure he'd like to
sleep with you."

"I think he would," replied Josiah.

"Josiah, the man's married.  And he's got kids.  What's he doing coming on
to you?"

"Brian, a lot of guys like us are married with kids.  Look at Michael, and
look at Caleb."

"Yeah," said Brian, "but they got divorced.

"I know," said Josiah.  "But divorced or not, none of us can renounce
completely the feelings we have inside of us."

"I don't think someone like that should be fooling around with you when
he's married," said Brian.

"He's not fooling around with me, Brian.  He was just confessing to me how
he feels.  Michael had told him it was better for him to let it out, rather
than keep his feelings bottled up.  I'm glad he did.  It's made Tom and I
feel closer.  We understand each other now."

"How close do you feel to him, now, Josiah," asked Brian.

Josiah stood up and said, "Brian, please stop.  You have no reason to talk
in that tone.  You have no reason to be jealous.  I'll tell you frankly
that I have always felt close to Tom.  In fact, I love Tom in a way.  We
kissed and we hugged after he admitted everything to me.  I feel a little
sorry for him.  His longings are the same as ours, but I think he feels
trapped, having a family and all."

Brian looked down at his notes and said, quietly, "I hope he stays
trapped."

Josiah sat down again and said, "I'm surprised at you, Brian.  You almost
sound as though you don't trust me.  In case you don't know, Tom is an
honorable man, and he knows and understands the situation between you and
me.  He may love me, but he will never do anything that would interfere in
the relationship you and I have.  Nor would I.  I love Tom as a very decent
man who has done so much for me at school, but who suffers so much inside
with the conflict between his true sexuality and his commitment to his
family.  I will kiss Tom, and I will hug him when he wants it and needs it.
That's all I can give him, although I owe him so much.  Brian, I ask you
not to attach the odor of lust and infidelity to every friendship I have."

Brian looked up at Josiah and suddenly wished he could take back everything
he had said.  He was not a jealous person, and he didn't know why he
reacted in such a childish and stupid way.  Of course he trusted Josiah.
And he expected nothing less of Josiah than to be loving and understanding
of his friend, who had the courage to openly admit his feelings .

"God, I'm sorry, Josiah," Brian said as he took Josiah in his arms.  "I
don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.  I know that I have nothing to
worry about with you.  I'm the luckiest man in the world.  And Tom is the
second luckiest man in world to have you as a loving friend.  I think
sometimes my having you as my love is only a dream, and I worry that I'm
going to wake up, and it'll all be gone."


The next morning, Tom rose early and went into the kitchen to find Michael
and Karl sipping on their coffee.

Michael stood up and said, "Tom!  I thought you'd sleep in a little longer.
Join us, please.  Tony's just fixing our breakfast.  I want you to meet
Karl.  Karl, this is Tom Borden, an old high school friend of mine.  I
haven't seen him since that time.  He's a professor up in Austin and came
down here for the weekend with Josiah and Brian."

Karl stood up and, shaking hands with Tom, said, "I'm really glad to meet
you, Tom.  Michael told me all about you last night.  And if you'll excuse
me for saying so, you're even more good looking than he described you!"

As Tom sat down, Michael asked, "Tom, how did it go with Josiah last night?
I mean, did you tell him how you felt?"

"Yes," said Tom.  "But it was hard.  He took it very well.  He hugged me
and kissed me, and even told me he loved me, too.  But I understand that he
really loves Brian.  It felt really good to bear my soul to him.  But my
feeling good about it, I guess, was all that was accomplished.  There'll
never be anything more between us.  I understand that, and that's the way
it should be.  I'll never stop loving him and wanting him, but I would
never do anything in this world that will harm his relationship with Brian.
But thanks, Michael, for insisting that I tell him how I feel.  You've
always known the right thing to do."

Karl said, "You're right, Tom.  That's one of the many things I love about
Michael.  He's always had a way of making things better.  He and I had some
difficulties recently, and we both went off the deep end over it.  But it
was all made right because Michael was determined, in his soft, kind way,
to make it right."

Michael leaned over and kissed Karl on the lips and said, "And Tom, Karl
always gives me more credit than I'm due.  It takes two to Tango, as the
old saying goes."

Tom looked at Michael and Karl with envy.  He said, "It's so nice to see
two people so much in love as you two.  Of course, some of us aren't so
lucky."  Tom regretted saying that the moment it came out of his mouth.
The last thing he wanted was to sound morbid or self-pitying.

Just then, Enrique and Noah wandered into the kitchen.  Michael said, "Sit
down, boys.  Tony's just about to serve us breakfast."  As Michael
introduced them to Tom, Tom could immediately tell that the two young men
were lovers.  Very soon, Josiah and Brian joined the table.

As they ate, Michael said, "I have a suggestion.  Why don't the five of you
get some horses saddled up and ride out to the stream past the Cottonwoods
and take a picnic lunch?"

Everyone was most agreeable to the suggestion.  Tom liked the idea.  He
felt as though he needed some fresh air.  He had always been a good
horseman, but since his opportunities to get back to the Borden Ranch were
few lately, he missed having the chance to do any horseback riding.

Tony fixed a basket of roast beef and horseradish sandwiches, some fruit,
and a couple dozen brownies filled with walnuts.  Jake had his boys saddle
up the horses, and the food and drink was stowed in several saddle bags.
Before they left, Tom asked Michael if he was sure he didn't want to come
along.  But Michael and Karl were going to have to go into Goliad that
afternoon on business.

They rode their horses up to the north boundary and then down along the
rocky stream.  Enrique was clearly the best horseman of them all, and soon
challenged everyone to a race to the Cottonwoods.  Tom pulled ahead of the
rest of them for the first three or four miles, but Enrique was purposely
holding back.  As they approached Michael's little house in the
Cottonwoods, Enrique spurred his horse on and won the race handily.  Josiah
had also pulled ahead of Tom and came in second.

Enrique said, "Tom, you're really good.  I should have let you win."

Tom said, "Don't be silly, Enrique, you were clearly the winner by at least
five or six lengths.  Now where's that stream we're going to?"

Once again, Enrique led the way.  When they arrived, they could see the
stream was still swollen from the recent rains.  Tom suddenly recognized it
as the place he and Michael and Caleb had so often come to be alone
together.  After securing their horses to a long tree branch, they unloaded
the food.

Enrique said, "Look how that water's rushing!  We need to take a swim
before we eat."  He quickly took off his shirt and boots.  Tom was a little
stunned as he watched the others eagerly strip off their clothes and race
into the water.  He stared at Josiah's naked body and was transfixed by it.

Josiah stopped before jumping into the water and looked back at Tom.  "Tom!
Don't you want to swim with us.  Come on!"  Then Josiah walked slowly back
to where Tom was standing and said, "Tom, if you don't want to take off
your clothes and swim, that's okay.  We can just stay here.  I'll sit with
you."

Unable to take his eyes off of Josiah's body, Tom said, "Of course I want
to swim!"

Tom stripped down and, with Josiah holding his hand, they ran into the
water.  The two of them swan together against the current for several
minutes.  Then Josiah suddenly broke away and joined the other three.  Tom
stood up in the water over his waist, watching the four boys roughhousing
with one another, splashing and yelling at the top of their lungs,
seemingly oblivious to Tom's presence.  Tom could feel his penis getting
hard as he watched those wet, shiny bodies twisting and turning in and out
of the water.  His silent pleas for his penis to go down went unheaded .
The glimpses he caught of the boys' penises showed that they all were still
soft.  All he could think of was the terrible embarrassment he would feel
when they all got out of the water, with his penis the only one that was
hard.  Tom began to feel strangely isolated.  He imagined the feeling he
would have being this older man standing naked with these younger boys, and
he the only one with a hard-on.  Oh, God, I want to die, he thought.

Soon the dreaded moment came.  The four boys decided to get out and dive
into their lunch.  Tom said, "You go ahead, boys.  I think I'll just enjoy
the water for a few more minutes."  He thought if he could jack off under
water, he could then be rid of that fucking hard-on.  But just then, Josiah
ran back into the water and took Tom's hand.  "Come on, Tom, let's all eat
together.  We can swim some more afterwards."

Josiah could see the panicky look on Tom's face and, looking down, he
understood.  He could see just below the surface of the water Tom's
hard-on.  Smiling, he took hold of his own penis and stroked it until it
was as hard as Tom's.  "Okay, Tom," said Josiah, "Let's walk up there on
the shore together.  With us both hard, you shouldn't feel like you're the
only one.  Come on."

As they both walked up on shore with their hard penises wagging from side
to side as they walked, Tom was relieved to see that no one noticed.  The
others were too busy getting out the food and drink.  As they sat and ate,
Tom lost his bashfulness and even lay flat on his back with the others
after lunch looking at the clouds floating by.  His penis was soft, but he
mused over the thought of what might happen if he suddenly got hard again.
Would any of them be interested?  Especially Josiah?  Would Josiah come
over to him and want to suck him off?"

Of course, nothing like that happened.  Josiah and Brian lay together,
softly caressing each other, and Enrique and Noah were busy looking into
each other's eyes and kissing.  Now came that strange feeling that he
didn't belong.  What was he doing here?  He was nothing but a fifth wheel.
He shouldn't have come.  Oh, God.  He wanted to get up and throw his
clothes back on and ride back to the house.  They were just tolerating his
presence.  My God, he was an older married father.  He was a respected
University professor.  But here he was, his body lying naked next to two
pairs of young lovers.  "Why am I doing this," he thought.  "Oh, God, if I
could just get away.  This is killing me."

Tom lay very still with his eyes closed, just waiting for the time to
leave.  Then he heard Josiah's voice.  "Hey, Tom.  What's the matter?  Is
there something the matter?"

Tom thought to himself, "Can't he see what's the matter?  Can't he see me
lying here alone and naked and . . . ."

Soon, the four boys were back in the water.  Tom told them that he did not
feel like any more swimming and that he was going to get dressed.  As he
sat watching the boys' naked bodies once again bobbing up and down in the
water, he thought about his own sons.  Nudity had never been a problem
among him and his sons.  And they often swam together naked in their family
pool.  Although his sons were never aware of it, Tom had always been
aroused by the sight of their nakedness and the frequent hard-ons they
would get without embarrassment.  They had seen plenty of his own hard-ons,
and he never felt embarrassed.  Why, then, was he having such a problem
with his nudity today?  He knew why.  He was odd-man out with these four
boys.  With his own sons, he was always included in their activity.  The
three of them were family.  They loved one another equally without
reservation.  Today, though, he was an interloper in someone else's family.
He should not have come.

On their way home, Tom told the others to go ahead.  He wanted to ride
alone along the perimeter of the Walker Ranch.  He just wanted to be alone.
He had also felt rather alone when he was with the others.  He rode several
hours, stopping at Michael's house in the Cottonwoods to water his horse at
the trough along the side of the house.  When he finally returned, it was
already time for supper.

Michael greeted Tom at the back door.  "We were beginning to worry about
you, Tom.  Did you have a good time today?"

Tom smiled and said, "Yeah.  It was great!"

Come on in, Tom," said Michael.  "Do you want to get washed up?  We'll be
sitting down for supper in a few minutes."

Tom wasn't hungry at all, but came to the table out of politeness.  The
four boys were talking fast about their day's outing, but Tom's mind was
far away.  Josiah sat across the table at the other end and hardly looked
at him.  It was alright.  Tom understood."

Michael finally said, "Hey, Tom.  You've hardly said a word tonight."

"Oh, Michael, I'm sorry," said Tom with a little laugh.  "All that great
fresh air about did me in.  It was great, but I haven't been used to it,
and it kind of tired me out."

"Well, Tom," said Michael.  "I'm sure you'll get a good night's sleep
tonight."

When supper was over, Enrique and Noah disappeared into their room.  The
others took their coffee and went out on the front verandah to enjoy the
cool night air.  Michael and Karl queried Josiah and Brian about their
school work.  They talked to Brian about his studies in the care of farm
animals.  They also talked with Josiah about his plans for a writing
career.  But never once did they refer to Tom as his teacher.  Tom was just
as happy.  He didn't really feel like getting drawn into a conversation of
any depth.  He tried hard to keep his eyes off of Josiah.  He had seen all
of Josiah's naked body that day.  But in a way, he wished he hadn't.  It
had intensified his desire for Josiah even more than it had been.

Michael, however, sat next to Tom and did his best to talk with him and
bring him into the conversation.

Soon, everyone began to yawn, and it was about time for bed.  Josiah and
Brian got up and, saying goodnight to Michael and Tom, disappeared into the
house.  A minute later, Josiah came back to retrieve his hat.  As he went
back into the house, Tom abruptly stood and followed him.  There in the
hallway, Tom took Josiah in his arms and said, "Josiah, I'm sorry.  I just
have to do this.  I know I shouldn't.  I want to hug you goodnight and kiss
you goodnight."

Josiah smiled and, kissing Tom on the lips, said, "Goodnight, Tom.  See you
in the morning."  At that, Josiah turned and went down the hall to his
room.

Tom stood there in the dark hall with his arms still reaching out.  He
stared after Josiah as he disappeared in the darkness at the end of the
hall.  He suddenly felt so alone.  After a few minutes, Michael came in and
closed the door to the verandah.

Michael stopped and said, "Tom, it's so good to have you here, and to see
you after all these years.  It's been a real treat." Michael took Tom in
his arms and kissed him on the neck, and on the cheek, and then on the
lips."  Then releasing Tom, Michael said, I can see you need a good night's
sleep.  Goodnight, Tom."

As Michael turned to leave, Tom said abruptly, "Michael!"

Michael turned and said, "Yes, Tom?"

With his voice thickened, Tom stammered, "Michael . . . would . . . would
you sleep with me tonight?"

Michael walked back and took Tom's head between his two hands and kissed
him.  "Oh, Tom.  Don't you remember?  I'm with Karl.  Please understand.  I
can't do that."

Tom's eyes began to fill with tears.  "Oh, Tom, please don't," said Michael
as he took Tom in his arms again and held him tightly.

"I understand, Michael," whispered Tom.  "I guess I forgot.  I'm sorry."

Michael said, "Tom, would you like me to sit with you for a little while?
We can talk.  We haven't had much time to talk, just the two of us."

"No, Michael.  I just need to go to bed, I guess.  I'll be alright.  I
guess I just need to get back to my routine and my work.  I'm sorry about
asking you to . . . ."

"Tom, please don't be sorry.  It's Josiah, isn't it?" Michael said softly.

"I don't know what it is anymore, Michael.  I think I just want to go home.
In my circumstances, I have no business thinking I can turn my fantasies
into reality.  You go on, Michael.  I know Karl's waiting for you.  I'll
see you in the morning before we leave."

"Are you sure, Tom, you're going to be alright?"

"Of course I'll be alright.  Somehow, I always manage to be alright."

Michael kissed Tom again and said Goodnight.  Tom stood and watched Michael
walk down the hall to his bedroom.  When he reached the door, Tom called,
"I love you, Michael.  I'll always love you."

Going into his own room, Tom threw himself on the bed and beat the pillow
with his fist over and over again.  He cried, "Why don't I keep my mouth
shut?  Why did I have to ask Michael to sleep with me.  Why in hell did I
ever tell Josiah how I felt?  I wish none of it had ever happened.  I wish
I had never come down here.  I wish Josiah would find another teacher to
torment."

As Tom buried his face in his pillow, he sobbed, "I don't know how I can go
on like this.  I am so trapped!  I am so God-dammed trapped with that
God-damned fucking woman!  Why did I ever do it?"

Turning over on his back and stretching his arms out toward the ceiling, he
cried, "Oh, God!  I want my life back!  Please!  I want my life back!"

After several hours, Tom woke up and looked at the clock.  It was only
4:30.  His eyes were filled with matter from crying.  He felt calm now.  He
thought about his two beautiful sons.  They were all so close.  They would
always be there for him.  He loved them so much.  He thought about his
wife.  He had cursed her so many times in recent years, but he never meant
it.  He knew that he should never blame her for his agonizing frustrations
and pent-up longings.  She was not to blame.  She had always been a good
mother to his boys.  And she had always been a good wife.  But he didn't
love her.  Oh, yes, he loved her for being a good person and being a good
mother, but he had no romantic love for her.  He spent his life doing all
the things a good middle class, suburban husband and father should do.  But
it was all a lie.  He was living a lie, and he didn't know how to end it.
A divorce would destroy the family, and if he revealed his homosexuality,
he would lose the love of his dear sons.  They did not deserve to pay the
price for his mistakes.  The family did not deserve to be destroyed just so
he could selfishly once again feel happy and free.

As Tom lay there staring out at the yard lights beaming in the window, he
resolved to forget his foolish fantasies as best he could and continue the
lie for his family's sake.  He smiled as he thought that his penis was
still his best friend.  That and his right hand and his well developed
fantasies still gave him plenty of sexual release when he needed it.

Tom fell back into sleep and awoke again at 6:00.  Michael greeted him at
the breakfast table looking concerned.  Tom said, "Hi, Michael.  I just
want to let you know, I'm feeling fine now.  I guess a good night's sleep
is all I needed.  And Michael, I'm sorry about last night.  I think I just
need to get back to work and get my mind occupied with my teaching.

After breakfast, Tom got up and said, "It looks like a beautiful day.
Would you mind if I just took my coffee and went out there and sat in your
gazebo for awhile."

As Tom walked out, Josiah and Brian came into the kitchen for their
breakfast.  When they finished, Josiah saw Tom sitting outside and went out
to join him.  Josiah said, "Tom, can I join you?"

"Sure."

"Tom, what's the matter?  You look so lonely sitting out here all by
yourself."

"Oh, Josiah, I'm not lonely.  I'm just thinking about my classes tomorrow.
I still have a little preparation I need to do tonight when I get home."

After a few minutes, Josiah said, "You didn't have a very good time this
weekend, did you?"

"Josiah!  Of course I did!"

Josiah looked into Tom's eyes and said, "No, you didn't.  I could tell.  I
have eyes, and I have ears.  And I have a sort of sixth sense about these
things.  It was Brian and me.  And it was Michael and Karl.  I can see now
that I shouldn't have brought you into all this.  I know how you feel, Tom
. . . you know . . . about me.  It was thoughtless of me."

Tom looked over at Josiah and put his hand on Josiah's cheek.  "Oh, Josiah.
What can I say?  I just don't belong in this kind of life down here.  I
guess we both realize that.  And I don't belong in your world, either,
Josiah.  I have no business troubling you the way I have.  The world I've
made for myself has no room for the kind of love I crave."

Josiah held Tom's hand against his face and said, "That's not true, Tom.
You mean there's no room in your world for the love I have for you?"

"No there isn't, Josiah.  I'll cherish your love always, but only secretly.
I can never openly commit to it and act on it.  Neither of us can.  I know
that you're aware of that and that you're comfortable with this kind of
love with me.  But I'll never be comfortable with it the way it is.  I'll
never stop longing to have a full and total consummation of my love for
you.  But I realize that is all it will ever be . . . a never ending
longing."

With a broad smile, Tom then said, "So I have to move on.  I have to get
back to my family and I need to get back to work.  And you and I are going
to have to start thinking about that great American novel you'll be doing!"


As Mark and Corky were about to go out for lunch, the phone rang.  It was
Chief Gonzalez.

"Mark, we've found something," said Gonzalez.  "We've been dredging some of
the lakes and ponds.  This morning, we spotted what looks like a car
submerged just below the surface over in Lake Marjorie east of town.  We've
ordered some towing equipment.  Maybe you'd like to git over here and see
what we come up with."

Mark hung up and said, "Corky, grab a couple of those Wraps we have in the
fridge.  We've got to get over to Crawford.  We can eat on the way."

When they arrived at Lake Marjorie, the towing equipment was there and
several men were in the water hooking a cable to the back of the submerged
car.  As the car was slowly pulled up onto the shore, everyone, including
Mark and Corky went over to look inside.  A bundle lay on the passenger
seat.  One of the police detectives slowly unwrapped it and found the badly
decomposed body of a young boy.

Mark said, "My God, it must be Joe.  And this car matches the description
of the car that was stolen from the used car log where Jacob Thomas works."

The body was carefully lifted out and put into a plastic body bag for
transport back to the forensic lab.  Gonzalez said, "Mark, we can't be
sure.  The Coroner will have to examine the boy and, through forensics, we
should be able to positively identify him.  That probably won't be until
late tomorrow at the earliest."

Mark said, "Well, please keep me informed.  If the body is that of Joe
Thomas, I hope you will make an arrest."

Gonzalez said, "If he turns out to be Joe Thomas, we will definitely make
an arrest.  All the evidence points to Jacob Thomas."

"I want to be there when the arrest is made," said Mark.

Mark went back and looked into the car.  Something caught his eye on the
floor.  It was a gold watch encrusted with diamonds and rubies.  Mark knew
that he should tell the police about it and have it impounded as evidence.
But on an impulse, he slipped it into his pocket without mentioning it.

On the following afternoon, Mark received a call that the body had been
identified as Joe Thomas, and that the cause of death was stabbing and
severe trauma to the head.  Chief Gonzalez said, "Mark, we're preparing the
arrest warrant now and will be going out to the Thomas place shortly.  Do
you want to meet us there?"

Mark and Corky jumped in the car and sped toward Crawford.  Arriving at the
Thomas house, they saw that the police had not yet arrived.  But the
Thomas's car was in the yard.  Mark jumped out and opened the hood.
Pulling several wires, he was able to disable the car.

Soon, the door to the house opened and Jacob Thomas came out into the yard.
"McLeod!" called Jacob.  "Have you found out anything yet?"

Mark said "Well, as a matter of fact, Mr. Thomas, we have.  Your son was
found dead.  And we know that you killed him."

Jacob shouted, "What the fuck are you talking about?  If he's been
murdered, why are you standing around here.  Go and find the son-of-a-bitch
who did it."

"We know about the sexual abuse you rendered on both your sons.  In fact,
your oldest son, Daryl is now living in a very safe and secure place.  He
has been very graphic about your abuse of your sons, including Joe."

"Aw, he's full o'shit!" yelled Jacob.

Mark continued, "We've found out a lot of things about you, Thomas.  It's
very likely that one night, your son, Joe, gave you some trouble when you
were trying to rape him.  And you were so angry, you took him out to that
shed over there and killed him."

"What!?"

"Then you drove him in your pickup to the used car lot and stole a 1998
Honda Civic.  Then you drove it into Lake Marjorie not far away, hoping no
one would ever find it."

"You can't prove that, McLeod.  You'll never find my fingerprints on that
car."

"No," said Mark, "You carefully left no fingerprints.  But the blood we
found on the rag and on the machete in your shed was Joe's blood."

Jacob said, "Well, I can explain that.  Joe was playin' around with that
machete one day and cut hisself.  I grabbed that rag to stop the bleedin'.

Mark reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold, diamond encrusted
watch.  Jacob stared at it unbelieving.  "That's my watch ya got there.
Where'd ya git it?"

Mark was glad that Jacob so readily admitted the watch was his.
"Mr. Thomas, I found this watch on the floor of the car that you drove into
the lake.  It was no more that ten inches from where Joe's body lay."

Jacob, still staring at the watch, began to back away.  Then he turned and
sprinted to the car.  Getting in, he turned the key, but there was no
response.  "God-damn it, what's the matter with this fuckin' thing!"
shouted Jacob.

Mark pulled his gun out from beneath his coat and held it on Jacob Thomas.
"Mr. Thomas, you might as well just stay seated there.  The police are on
the way.  They plan to take you in and charge you with the murder of your
son, Joe."

Very soon, several police squad cars drove up into the yard.  Just then
Jacob's wife, Mona, ran out of the house and up to the car.  "What the
hell's going on, Jacob?  Why are all these police cars here?"

Jacob shouted back to her, "Well, Mona, these sons-of-bitches are tryin' to
arrest me.  They think I murdered Joe.  Tell 'em, Mona.  Tell 'em I ain't
had nothin' to do with it!"

Mona stood back with her hands over her mouth.  She said, "Joe's dead?  You
mean Joe's dead?"

The police dragged Jacob Thomas out of the car and, when they handcuffed
him, shoved him into the backseat of the police car.

Mark had rather expected Mona to exclaim that her husband had not killed
Joe.  But she didn't.  Mark walked over to her and, taking her by the arm,
they sat on the front step of the house.  With her hands covering her face,
she said, "I knew it.  I just knew he'd done something terrible to Joe.  He
was my baby.  I'd lie awake at night prayin' that he was alive somewhere
bein' taken care of.  But Jacob would never talk to me about it."

"Mrs. Thomas, would you like to go inside?" asked Mark.

"No, I don't wanna go in there!" she said, as she began to cry.

Mark asked, "Mrs. Thomas, tell me about your husband.  We know how he has
abused your boys, and I suspect he's been cruel to you, too."

"Tell me about it!" said Mona.  "I should never have married that bastard."

"Is he originally from around here?"

"No.  He was born in Odessa."

"What kind of family did he have?" asked Mark.  "Do you know?  Was it an
abusive family?"

"All I know is that his old man knocked up his mother, but her father took
my husband when he was just a baby and put him with the agency.  They
farmed him out to a foster home, and I understand before they were through
with him, he'd been in five or six foster homes.  I guess they were all
pretty bad.  I guess he got raped a couple of times by them foster people,
and he must of liked it, because he done the same thing to his own kids."

Mark asked, "Is 'Thomas' a name he was given in one of the foster homes?"

"No.  Thomas was his mother's maiden name.  When my husband was born, she
registered his name as Jacob Thomas.  And I think she named him Jacob after
the guy who knocked her up."

"Do you know where Jacob's mother is now?" asked Mark.

"Don't have no idea.  Jacob said he was just a baby when they gave him
away, and he never knew his mama.  But he did see his birth certificate
once and it showed his name as Jacob Thomas and his mother's name as Janet
or Jeanette, or something like that, Thomas."

Mark stood up and said, "Do you have someone who can stay with you?  It
might not be very good for you to stay alone now."

"No I ain't got nobody.  I got some friends down at the Longhorn.  I'll
just drive down there for awhile."

Mark said, "Oh, I almost forgot.  We disabled the car earlier.  Let me go
and reconnect the wires.  And Mrs. Thomas.  There'll be a trial for your
husband.  And you need to expect to be called as a witness at some future
time."


As Mark and Corky drove back, Mark said, "Corky, we're going to have to
inform Jumper.  We're going to have to tell him that his brother's dead.
This is the toughest part of this job.  And I don't think we should tell
him by phone.  We need to go down there to the ranch and do it in person.
We'll be getting home pretty late tonight.  So let's go down early in the
morning.

When they arrived home, Mark called Michael and told him about Joe's death
and asked him to be sure that Jumper would be around in the morning and
that Jake would be with him.  They would be down by noon to give Jumper the
news.

Michael said, "I'll have them here in the house for lunch and will keep
them here until you arrive.  I feel so badly for Jumper.  I think it would
have been better if he never knew.  But since we now know what happened, we
have to tell him.  Jumper's been through a lot of misery in his life.  I
think he's strong enough to weather the news alright."

When Mark and Corky arrived, Michael suggested they take Jumper and Jake
out on the front verandah where they would be alone and undisturbed.

When they were seated, Mark said, "Jumper, you know that Jake asked us to
see if we could find your brother, Joe."

"Yeah!  Did you find him?" Jumper said eagerly.

Mark didn't respond and bowed his head to think quickly how he was going to
tell Jumper.  That pause gave Jumper the answer.

Tears began to fill Jumper's eyes, and he said quietly, "He's dead, isn't
he?  Joe's dead.

Mark could only say, "Yes, Jumper."

"And he was killed by my dad, too, just like I thought, wasn't he?"

Jake, who was sitting next to the boy, put his arms around him and held him
tightly.  Mark nodded and said, "Yes.  Yes, he was, Jumper.  I'm sorry."

Jumper said, "At least Joe can't be hurt anymore.  I should have run away
with him when he first asked me to.  I should have."

Mark tried to find the words and finally said.  "Jacob Thomas was an evil
man.  And I know this is no consolation to you, Jumper, but because of
Joe's death, the least that will happen to the man will be that he'll go to
prison for the rest of his life."

Jake said, "How could a man kill his own son.  It ain't possible for me to
understand that.  You know, they say, these fuckers that are abused
themselves when they're little grow up to abuse their own kids."

Mark said, "Well, I found out that Jacob was abused as a child.  You're
right, Jake.  The way I understand it is that some man had gotten Jacob's
mother pregnant.  She was just a young girl.  But the girl's father sent
the man away and took the baby and had it put in foster homes.  And so
Jacob never knew his mother and never knew who his father was.  And while
he was in foster homes, he apparently went through a lot of sexual abuse."

Jake sat and listened to Mark.  Very slowly he asked, "Do you know who
Jacob's real mother was?"

Mark said, "I talked to Mrs. Thomas . . . your mother, Jumper . . . and she
said no one to her knowledge ever heard anything about her after the baby
was taken from her.  Jacob, of course, never knew his mother."

Jake's face grew red and flushed.  He asked, "Do you know what Jacob's
mother's name was?"

"Jake, Mrs. Thomas said she thought it was either Janet or Jeanette, or
something like that.  She told me that before the baby was taken from her,
she had the official birth record show the baby's name as Thomas, which was
her own last name, and she gave him the first name of Jacob, apparently
after the father."

Jake released his grip on Jumper and let his arms fall limply to his sides.
He looked as though someone had hit him in the face with something.  Jake
stood up and said, "I'm not feeling well.  I'm not feeling well at all.  I
need to go and lie down."

As Jake turned to go, Jumper said, "I'll come with you."

"No!" shouted Jake.  "I'm sorry, Jumper.  You just stay here.  I just want
to be alone for a little while."

Jake staggered off the verandah and went around the house toward his room.
But before he reached it, he knew he had to talk to someone.  The only
person he knew to talk to was Michael.  Turning around, he walked into the
kitchen, past Tony without a word, and down the hall to Michael's office.

Jake went in without knocking and found Michael working at his desk.  As he
collapsed in a chair, Michael said, "Jake!  What's the matter?  I've never
seen you look like this!  You're as white as a sheet.  What is it?"

Jake looked at Michael and said, "Jumper's brother Joe is dead."

"I know, Jake.  Mark called me before he came down here."

"Jumper's dad killed him.  Jumper's dad is my son."

Michael leaned forward and said, "What!  What are you talking about."

"I found out that his mother was Jeanette Thomas.  And she was the girl I
got pregnant.  Remember, I told you.  Her father got rid of me and sent the
baby away to live in foster homes.  And that baby was Jacob Thomas, my own
son.  His mother named him Jacob after me.  And he's Jumper's father.  And
. . . ."

Michael rushed around the desk and knelt down in front of Jake.  Taking
Jake's shaking hand, he said, "Are you sure, Jake?  There are probably a
lot of people named Jacob Thomas?"

"No, he's the one.  He's the baby I had with Jeanette Thomas, who was then
taken away from both of us."

"Jake, you're shaking," said Michael.  "Please come in the other room and
lie down on the bed."

As Jake lay there on the bed, staring at the ceiling, he muttered, "My son
is a murderer.  He killed my grandson.  He's a murderer."

The thought, of course, immediately occurred to Michael that Jumper was
also Jake's grandson, if what Jake was saying was true.  Tears filled
Jake's eyes as he continued to stare at the ceiling.  Michael said, "Jake,
why don't you just lie here for awhile and maybe try to go to sleep."

Jake closed his eyes as several tears ran out of the corners.  Michael
walked quietly out and closed the door.  He ran into Jumper who said he was
headed to Jake's room to see if he was alright.  Michael told him that Jake
was lying down in the bedroom just off of the office.  If he wanted to, he
could go in there and sit with him.  As Jumper went down the hall and into
Michael's bedroom, Michael went out on the veranda where Mark and Corky
were still sitting.

"How's Jake?" said Corky.

Michael sat down and said, "He . . . well . . . he's lying down in my room.
I think he . . . I think he'll be alright."

Mark said, "Jumper surely did take the news like a trooper.  He must love
Jake so much.  He eventually seemed a lot more concerned about Jake's not
feeling well than he was about the really bad news we gave him."

Michael said, "Well I think it hit Jumper very hard to hear that his father
had murdered his brother.  But he's a strong kid.  To him, it was Jake who
he was immediately concerned about.  I think the two of them now will have
a great deal to talk about.


When Tom Borden returned home, he found his wife Julie cooking dinner.  She
said, "Hi, honey.  Did you have a good time down at that ranch?"

"I had a great time," said Tom.  "But I was ready to come home.  I'm going
to have to get busy tonight to prepare for my classes tomorrow.  Of course,
I didn't even think about them while I was gone."

"Well, you deserved the break," said Julie giving Tom a quick kiss.  "The
boys are out in the pool.  They're swimming without their swimming suits on
again.  They know how much I object to their being nude like that out
there.  I'm embarrassed to have the neighbors see them."

"Well, Julie, how many times do I have to remind you that the houses in
this area are so far apart, no one can see through all the trees into our
back yard.  I'm going out to say hi to them."

Tom walked out onto the pool deck and sat down.  The two boys, seventeen
year old Robbie and sixteen year old Kevin were trying to play their own
simple version of water polo.  "Hi guys!" Tom shouted.  Both boys climbed
out of the pool and gave their dad a kiss on the cheek and welcomed him
home.  Then they were back in the pool.  Robbie shouted, "Dad, come on in
and play water polo with us!"

Tom said, "Not today, boys.  But how in the world can you play water polo
with only one guy on each team?  All you're doing is throwing the ball back
and forth."

The boys laughed, and Kevin shouted, "You can do anything if your
imagination is good enough!"

Tom looked at his two naked sons.  He thought back to the days when he had
a body like theirs.  He had once looked at his backside in the mirror,
wondering if his ass cheeks were still as round and firm as those on his
sons.  Oh, to be young again . . . and single.  He didn't mean for that
last word to enter his mind.  But there it was.  Tom had some time ago
admitted to himself that he was attracted to his own sons . . . sexually
attracted to his sons.  He often swam with them in the pool, all three of
them naked.  And he would always get a hard-on.  But it never bothered him
because the boys would get them, too, as they swam.  As he looked at Robbie
and Kevin, he could once again feel his penis begin to swell in his pants.

Robbie and Kevin suddenly threw the ball up on the deck and began tussling
with each other in the water with much laughing and shouting.  As they rose
up out of the water and back down again, he could see that both had
hard-ons.  "God, they're beautiful," he thought.

When he was down at the Walker Ranch, he had learned, to his surprise, that
Michael and his son, Jeff, had long been sexual lovers.  And he learned,
also, that his old friend, Caleb, and his son, Noah, had the same openly
sexual relationship.  Tom looked at his two boys.  How he yearned to have
their naked bodies pressed close to his so he could feel them and kiss
them.  Why would that be so wrong?  Michael and Caleb had that kind of
relationship with their sons.

At night, he knew that Robbie and Kevin, who shared a bedroom, were jacking
off.  He could hear the tell-tale sounds that boys make when they're
jacking off together.  He had also found wet tissues on the floor next to
their beds in the morning when he went in to wake them up.  He would pick
them up and take them into the bathroom.  But before he threw them in the
toilet, he would hold them up to his face and breath in the wonderful
sexual odor of his sons' sperm.  The boys knew that he was finding the wet
tissues, but they weren't concerned because Tom had told them during his
"Facts of Life" talk several years earlier that masturbation was something
that all boys and men do for pleasure and for release of sexual tension.
Tom had even admitted to them that he still jerked off frequently.  He
secretly wished that the boys would walk in on him and catch him jacking
off sometime.  And he had so often been tempted to open the boys' door and
walk in on them when he knew they were jacking off.  But he never could get
himself to do it.

That night, Julie had gone to bed early and left Tom to work on his class
preparation.  When he finally went to bed, he lay there with his fantasies
swirling around in his head.  As usual, he fantasized about having sexual
activity with both Robbie and Kevin.  But now, there was the added pictures
in his mind of Michael and his son, and Caleb and his son, all rolling
around in bed, screwing their balls off.  And if that were not enough,
there was always in the picture his dear, sweet Josiah, who he loved so
much.  Once again he could hear his sons in the room across the hall
jacking off and grunting while they did it.  Tom's fantasies were exploding
all through his head, and his hard penis was dripping with great quantities
of pre-cum.  He stroked faster and faster in the bed next to Julie, who
always slept soundly through all his jacking off.  The bed rocked and, as
he heard his sons groaning loudly during their orgasms, Tom's body
stiffened as his orgasm swept over him and his penis erupted with stream
after stream of hot, thick cum.

Tom lay there, panting and trying to catch his breath as his cum became
watery and began running down his side onto the bed.  Just then, he heard
the boys' door open and heard them both giggling softly as they went into
the bathroom.  Tom imagined his two sons washing each other off.  He had an
overpowering urge to get up and join them in the bathroom and wash himself
off in front of them.  But soon, he heard them return to their room and
close the door.

Tom wondered if the two boys got into the same bed when they jerked off.
He wondered if perhaps they even sucked each other's penis.  Maybe they
even fucked each other.  Even before he had gotten total control of his
breathing, these thoughts started to make his penis rise up again, stiff
and hard.  He then pictured in his mind his beloved Josiah lying on his
back with his sensuous thighs brought up against his chest while Brian
fucked him.

It was all too much.  Tears began to flow from Tom's eyes.  How could he
stand this any longer?  That horrible feeling of being trapped in a
marriage without love, at least on his part, swept over him.  How many
nights?  How many hundreds of nights did he lie in bed and suffer this
terrible feeling of despair?  He knew he was still attractive.  He knew
that if he only had his life back, he could finally once again live the
life that he was meant to live.  As he had done so many countless times
before, he cried himself to sleep.  And the next morning he would go back
into his routine at the University with little thought in his mind, other
than the job at hand.  It was always the nights that he dreaded most.

Morning finally came.  He kissed his wife goodbye and went off to his first
class where his mind could be totally absorbed with the work of his
students.