Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2019 22:03:16 -0600 From: Armando F Subject: New Adventures with Older Brother Part 26 Disclaimer – This story is a work of fiction, and depicts incestual sexual action between teen boys. If you are uncomfortable with that, or live in a community where that material is forbidden, please stop reading. Don't forget, Nifty is a great resource, so please donate! http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html Maybe I Finally settled into a routine, and got this going pretty easily so soon after my last chapter, but maybe due to this being a partner chapter to the previous one. I hope you enjoy it, I know its pretty heavy on feelings and dialog, but if you're 26 chapters into this, you should be invested lol. Thanks everyone, please send all comments and critiques to army.mando9@gmail.com! Chapter 26: ... And I'll Call You By Mine. Sitting down on the floor of the shower, I stewed in my own thoughts. Lee was coming over to hang out tonight, and Mom was gonna be out late for work, so that gave Lee and I alone time. Alone time I was still not really prepared for. The past few weeks worked pretty well since my initial gambit with Harry had worked. He came over a lot, put Lee's libido in check from going further than some handsy play during Harry's visits to the bathroom or deep kisses before he drove home. It's been a relief, where I didn't have to hurt anyones feelings and I didn't feel like the villain. But tonight is a different beast... I got 0 lifelines, like a very tough game of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Regis loaded up some complicated question about math in Latin, and I phoned a friend way too many damn times, and got no Audience for support. Just left now with a 50/50 chance this could just fuck itself over. I tried to beg Harry to delay the trip, but of course that plan failed as soon as the words left my mouth. Asking way too damn much made me seem crazy and almost revealed that I was sort of using him, but thankfully I sort of kind of played it off. Lee's car pulled up, the lights blaring through the window blinds... "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." I cursed out loud, completely lost in what to do. My eyes darted around, trying to find some way out of my own personal hell. Oh, a knife! ... No, that's fucking insane. Who am I, Michael Myers? Maybe I can accidentally stab myself and be like 'sorry, can't have sex if I'm losing so much blood.' Once again, fucking insane Armando strikes again. Cut the power? No, too romantic. Fake a sickness? Already did that twice. Uh... Uh... Maybe I could- "Hello?" Lee stepped into the living room, slowly, then smiling at me. "Sorry, I knocked like 5 times, but saw you through the window, pacing around... Well, that's kind of creepy, now that I think about it... I'm sorry." He was wearing a white button up and a nice dark purple tie, with black slacks and the confidence of a business man. "Hey... Uhh... Lee. It's f-fine..." "Sorry I'm running late, the wedding reception went on forever!" He tossed his backpack on the couch and marched up to me, holding me as we kissed... briefly. "It's okay. What did you wanna do for dinner?" "Eh, I'm good. The groom hooked us up with some left over steaks. Cold, but hey, free steak." Lee rubbed his belly and giggled, but I just grimaced. Damn it, food could easily buy me an hour. "Why don't we just hang out? Just you and me." "Sure, sure, I guess. Maybe a drink?" "Oh come on, you sour Sally. Let's go lay down and relax." Lee didn't give me time to argue, just grabbing my hand and pulling me along like a voiceless mannequin. Perhaps he sensed my hesitation and just wanted to drag me through the quagmire of deflections and avoidance. We sat down on the... lower bunk, turned on the TV, and relaxed whilst some show played in the background. Well, attempted to. My mind still racing a mile a minute trying to figure out a way out of this without hurting his feelings. I felt his hand slowly snake its way up my thigh, playfully. I rested my hand on his, in an effort to stop and hold it, but he just entwined his fingers with mine and persisted his advance towards his goal. I focused on the screen, trying to figure out if there was any way out of this, there must be. Gotta be- "You... okay?" I look back at Lee, meeting his gaze. "Uhhh... yeah, why?" "You got this look on your face that you just ate some bad seafood... and your hands are kind of just like trying to push me off..." I turned around and faced Lee, but the look on his face set my stomach in knots... That was guilt, through and through. "Army, if you don't want me here, I'll leave. It's kind of obvious that you keep pushing me away, and I just..." "NO!" I yelled out, grabbing his hand and holding it tight. "Then what's the matter? I'm just... sort of lost here? You keep sending mixed messages, Army. Since our second date, it's been very awkward around you, and I just..." Lee sighed. He never raised his voice, but I guess he didn't have to... His tone hurt more than any knife would have. Just this level of unemotional disappointment... Fuck, it's happening. I wasn't mentally prepared for this, but guess I will always end up fucking up. "I don't... Fuck, I don't know, Lee... I'm just scared. I like you, I really do, but... I just don't fucking know." I collapsed on the bed, trying to keep my voice straight. The worst thing was thinking I could avoid crying or making a gawd damn scene like some kind of dramatic reality show. Keep it together, Armando... "Then if you like me, why do you keep pushing me away? I don't want to hurt you. I don't know what you want. We haven't really had alone time at all since that night. Did I do something wrong?" The tone persisted... The guilt boiled in me like raw sewage trapped in a Floridian swamp. Toxic and gross and corrupting my resolve... And hot. I feel like I'm burning up inside. Well, just... Spit it out. The truth shall set us free, right? Or fuck up the only good guy who likes me now. "Fine, fine..." I sat up, and took a deep breath. Lee sat next to me, and just stayed silent and attentive, waiting with baited breath for me to... fumble the words out, because I'm a fucking mess inside. "Just... It's hard to... Fuck, sorry... I- Fucking damn it!" "Calm down, Army. This isn't an inquisition, just... please explain so we can be on the same page. I'm not here to attack you or hurt you. I just want to know where we stand." Breathe... Breathe... Breathe. "I'm scared." "Of what?" "Hurting you. Hurting myself. Admitting the truth. Drowning. Heights. Killer dolls." Lee smiled, but he held my hand. "Okay. Well, I can't do anything with the drowning or the heights, and I don't think Chucky exists. But how do you think you'll hurt me." "I'm broken. I can't be... open and intimate with you. Everytime you get close and we try, I just dive straight into my head and fuck it all up." "But why? You know me. You know-" "It's not about you!" I flinched at my own rebuttal, my defensiveness getting itself ready. Another breath, another try. "It's... You did nothing wrong. It's... me. It's my fault." Lee gulped, his throat visibly and painfully dragging his anxiety down his neck. "Are you... seeing someone else?" I hesitated, but I shook my head. He sighed out loud, out of relief mainly. "That was my biggest worry... You've been kind of secretive. I wanted to ask Harry about, since I thought he was trying to cover for you with him always being here, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up..." Well... I wasn't sure how to describe how I felt. This sudden wave of confusion hit me, leaving us in an awkward silence. His question brought up a point... "I'm not cheating on you, but-" I took another deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain what I barely understand. "I haven't been totally honest with you. Remember that night back at your place?" "Yeah?" "That wasn't my first time. You said it, and I didn't want to... hurt you or embarrass myself by explaining the real problem." Lee leaned in closer. "Then what is it?" "I'm still not really sure... I just had a really bad break up with... someone. I was really broken, and Harry thought it would be nice to go out. He found that paper you gave me, and called, and... and I wasn't sure what to do. I'm still not sure. You ended up being such a great guy, and I thought, deep down, 'This is a really great guy! Maybe I can... move on with him.' Guess that ended up not... working." He looked down at his lap. "I see..." That sadness hit his voice hard, which in turn hit me like a fucking truck. I knew this would happen. In the end, I do end up hurting everyone... Like falling in love with a cactus. "Lee, I'm sorry." Looking back up at me, he gave me a weak smile. "I guess you're still not over this guy? And that's why... you kept yourself distant?" Am I not over him? He's been gone for like 2 months now, yet his phantom lingers in my psyche, ready to ruin everything again. I thought my anger would burn that bridge, but yet the skeleton frame remains, able to cross and smuggle feelings into my mind, making me filled with doubt. "That's... I guess that's true. I don't know... He was here, then he just... suddenly left for someone better. In like the span of a fucking day, I lost someone I thought I had in my corner. Someone who loved me. The only person who loved me and saw the real me. Just suddenly... poof." I sighed outloud again, and suddenly just felt compelled to talk more. The dam broke, and all that toxic sewage just kept pouring out and out and out... "I trusted him with everything, even my own damn heart and soul. And he just leaves me to fend for myself. He's probably broken a dozen hearts before me, but I never dated anyone! He left me like he left all those other girls, just roadkill as he speeds off to the next cool thing. I wanted him to stay, but... but... I don't know how. I don't know what I offer to him. I wasn't even ever sure he really loved me. It always felt like a long con, a nice dream that went on and on, always waiting to wake me up and remind me of my shitty reality. So when he did up and leave? I was lost... I was hurt. I still am..." Lee remained silent for a second, unsure how to take the flow of the conversation, till finally... "Where did he go?" ... Odd, I assumed Lee would be pissed at me already and storm out? Maybe he's actually invested? Doubt it, it's not a very good story. Could be that he cares, Armando. But that seems unlikely. He'll probably just hate my guts. Finding ammunition to use against me for when drops the Break Up on me. "He left to California for some 'amazing' job he got... I didn't really get to ask. I just sort of focused on the whole 'I'm leaving you and long distance is the wrong distance' portion. Like, how the fuck do you spring that on someon you love and expect it to not go fucking south?" "And this was only a few weeks ago?" "Yeah..." I said meekly. His fingers went up to his chin, playing with the facsimile of a beard he had, lost in thought. I was sort of confused on how to proceed... "Lee, I know it sounds bad... I'm... I'm really sorry I put you through this." He looked back at me. "Can you be honest about something?" "... Uh... I am." "Was it Ben?" . . . . . . . . . Umm... WHAT?! HOW?! WHAT?! WHAAAT?!?! I was dumbstruck. I never told Lee about him at all. I tried everything to obfuscate the existence of my brother. Oh gawd... If he knows who he is, then he also might figure out... "I guess the silence says it all." "... How did you know about him?" Lee laid back on the bed, taking a deep breath before starting. "Well, I'll lay my cards on the table since you have. I thought you were cheating on me for a while. It was a few things that seemed out of place at first. Like, you wore sleeping clothes that weren't your size. You got defensive when your mom almost brought up someone's name. A lot of the games we played together had 2 save files, one of your name and one with 'Ben.' So I just sort of... snooped around. I found a few old letters between you and 'Ben,' that's when I sort of... put it together that maybe he was an ex or someone super close. Then something your mom said at dinner the other night... Well, I had all the pieces, but I wasn't sure how they all fit. I knew you had a brother, but there weren't any like... family pictures of the 3 of y'all on the walls. Maybe he passed away or was in juvie or something until recently and that's why you were kind of bitter and angry? I wasn't even sure how to even fucking approach the subject with you... You seemed in your head a lot, and could snap and get super defensive, and I didn't want to upset you. How do you ask this question at all without sounding like a fucking insane asshole? But now..." He took another deep breath, and looked back up at me, directly in my eyes. "Were you and your brother together?" I was shell shocked. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't anything. I sat there, like a dead fish, staring blankly into space, lost. Lee grabbed my hand, and sat back up, never taking his eyes off mine. "Army? Just tell me the truth." The truth? The fucking truth? The fucking toxic truth I kept bottled up and hidden for a year, because yeah, who wants to find out that someone they know was having sex with their brother, like some kind of creepy medieval fantasy family. Fuck, not just sex, I was in love with him. He was my fucking everything. Which is even worse, somehow. That perhaps I deluded myself into thinking there was something there, or that I suffered from really sexy Stockholm Syndrome. If Lee wants to play judge, jury, and executioner, I'm not going down without speaking my mind. What's he gonna do... What could he do? Oh wait... He could tell someone. Then I'd never see Ben again. Mom would be... Mom would be destroyed! Devastated! Maybe I could even be taken from her, given how it was happening under her nose, she could be seen as a bad parent! Everyone would think he's some kind of perv, some kind of abusive asshole, and that I was some victim. My whole world could fall apart... Why did I have to play with fire like this? I knew the consequences were bad, but I never thought it could be this bad... What do I do? What do I do?! I wish Ben was here... No! No, I don't need him. I can solve this by myself. I don't need anyone. I could get Lee to understand, at least... Just, till I can figure out how to sort this out. "... T-the truth? Fine. My brother and I..." Deep breath. Just... commit to it, Armando. Lee wants the truth, and seems to appreciate honesty. Maybe I can leverage that. "... were together. It was sudden, I don't know, it's really complicated. I don't have to explain anything to you, or anyone. It's in the past, and it's over. Done. Now please... leave, I know you'll probably never want to see me again... Just don't tell anyone, that's all I ask." Sigh. That's it, I guess. "Hey! Hey hey, calm down, take a breath." Lee still held my hand, never moving. "I'm not gonna snitch on you, or be mad at you." This conversation keeps getting weirder and weirder. I'm so lost... "What?" "Army. You're my friend. As long as he didn't hurt you, I guess. I know, it's weird, but life can be weird. Like, I jacked off with my cousin once, I have no room to talk." "Not really the sam-" "Shhh!" Lee hushed me, smiling again. "Point is, I don't care. You're a great guy, Armando. And I've..." He pulled me in and squeezed tight, unable to finish his words. We stayed like that for a while, just... holding each other. I cried again, but with a smile on my face. Guess the truth does set us free. I suddenly feel lighter. Or maybe it was because that toxic sludge I kept hidden finally got pushed out. "T-thanks Lee, you... You're too sweet." "I just... I just think we should be friends for now, Army. You got a lot to deal with, and I'll be here with you, but let's just start simple, okay?" Guess I'm back to being single, but... It's reassuring that Lee wants to stick around. Actually, its wonderful... Someone doesn't want to leave me alone... . . . . . We laid down and just slept next to eachother for a while, exhausted but safe in the afterglow of our emotional release. It was similar to how Harry and I would hang out, a lack of pretense, an absence of lust, a dearth of drama. It was bliss, probably the first time I've been honest with Lee since we first met. No anxiety, no crazy convoluted plans that would make Kevin McAllister blush. Just... Us. As friends, but still... Us. And someone finally knows the truth, and none of my fears came true about it. No mobs, no pitchforks, no fire, no villagers marching on my castle... Maybe I was imagining myself as Dr. Frankenstein, but still. Necromancy/Necrophilia and Incest aren't too far apart on the super weird sex shit scale. I have so much to talk about, but... I'll give Lee time to get used to it. Seems selfish to just spring up all this shit after the first rough excursion in the land of truth. Sure, the journey seemed harsh, but we made it, and all the better for it. We finally woke up around 10:30 in the evening, a little worse for wear. I had spit all over my face, and Lee's hair looked like it was blown around by a hurricane. A few laughs between/at each other, and we are back in sync as friends. I peeked out the blinds and saw Mom was still not home. "Missing mommy already?" Lee punched my arm as he laughed. "Oh fuck off," I punched him back. "You kiss your brother with that mouth?" I sat there silent, looking down at my blanket. "Was that too soon, Army? I'm sorry, I'm really really sorr-" Looking back up, I smiled and laughed back at him. "It's fine, it was funny. I am hungry though." "Asshole! I felt so bad... Fine, I can make us something if you want." Lee stood up and combed his hair through his hands... Then combed a few more times. "Why does my hair feel so... gross?" "Would you hate me if I said... drool?" Lee's face cringed up in disgust and fled to the bathroom, calling out as he retreated: "Armando! Close your mouth when you sleep!" My cackle followed him. It feels nice... Natural, fun, not having to tip toe around my own lies, like a shitty forgotten minefield. Don't want to accidentally blast my own foot into my mouth... We met back up in the kitchen, Lee raiding the fridge for something to make for us. "Hmm... Oh! Chili! Army, do you have any-" "Chips? Let me see..." I peeked into the cupboard, and found a fresh bag of Fritos. Ah, serendipity! "Awesome! Awesome awesome! Let's see, would your mom mind if we use this shredded cheese?" Lee put a pot on the stove and started heating up the chili. "Nope! Thinking Frito Pie?" "Yes sir!" Dinner came and went, quickly devoured by 2 ravenous teenage boys like cannibals being told no help is coming. It was messy, but fun. I'm sure Lee had some food stuck in his scruff for a solid minute before he realized. Afterwards, we cleaned up and Lee excused himself to the back porch to go smoke. "Do you want company?" "If you want. I know you told me a while back you hated the smell of weed." "I do, but I'm also not really eager to hang out in my room alone for the next 10 minutes." Lee stepped outside first, and I followed. I watched him pull a little metal tin from his pocket, set some stuff out of it, light up a little rolled up joint, and relax, sitting on the handrail of the porch. Something about the image made me feel very nostalgic and sad, but I couldn't put my finger on it... He glanced at me and smiled. "I'd hate to be a corrupting influence, but... would you wanna try it? You can tell me no, no pressure." He took a hit, and coughed for a little bit. Part of me was interested, but part of me just was nervous... Not because of what, but because of how I felt... The whole situation reminded me of simpler romantic times, and I just... It was hard, especially after Lee pointed out I wasn't over Ben. What do I do with this? I fucking hate his guts for what he did to me... To us. Never asking for how I felt, what I wanted, not even trying to save us. Just throwing it away so he could be a lone wolf. I can't be that... I needed him. I guess I still do, deep down. Stupid useless subconscious. Lee stretched out his hand, and I decided... Well, might as well, right? "So just put to your lips and-" "I've smoked before, Lee. I'm not a kid." I giggled as I took a look at the joint and putting it at my lips. "Wow, look who's a badass now." "Ha, my brother and I used to share cigarettes for fun." Taking a very long drag and... Holy fuck, its like there burning in my lungs. I cough... and cough... and cough. "Not so easy is it?" Lee laughed at me as my eyes teared up. "Fuck- *hack hack hack* you, you *hack* bitch!" The cough kept persisting, but settled down a little from dying inside to bad cold... the heat in my lungs just kept fucking me up though, holy hell why do people do this? It's like swallowing fire but without the cool shit like blowing it back out or whatever! "You okay?" Lee grabbed the joint back and hit my back a few times, as though that'll help. "Just... *hack hack* burns a lot.... *hack*" I managed to spurt out. He took another drag and snuffed it out, and put it back in his tin. "Come inside, let's get you some water." Grabbing my hand, he led me back inside and sat me down at the table. I set my head down and just closed my eyes, trying to concentrate. But all I could feel was the urge to cough, like there was smoke still trapped in my lungs. And no amount of coughing will get rid of it. Oh gawd... Oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd, will I die? What if the smoke doesn't come out? Will I choke to death on this stupid puff of weed trapped inside me? No, that can't be, that's not how lungs or smoke work. But then why does it still feel like that... "Here, drink this..." Lee set down a glass of iced water and squatted next to me, watching me. "Th-thanks..." I managed to say without coughing, but then... Coughing came anyway. Fuck. "Sorry Army, I should have warned you to take it easy. Totally not like a cigarette." "It's *hack* fine..." I drank a gulp of water, hoping it would relieve me... But the slight burn persisted. That little will o' the wisp was still stuck in me, killing me. Or trying to, at least. My breathing picked up pace, and I looked up at Lee, desperate. "Why is the smoke still in me, Lee?" "Uhh... What?" "The smoke is stuck and won't get out. I can feel it inside me... Oh gawd, I'm going to die? Like a shittier version of... what is it? Pneumonia? That!" "Army, that's not... I don't... Just take deep breaths. Don't freak out." Lee held my hand and a look of concern flashed through his red eyes. "I can't... I can't..." My lungs felt like they were just sort of not working, I kept breathing by like no oxygen was getting through. "Army! You're just having a panic attack. It sometimes happens to first timers! You're not dying..." Lee looked around, scared, thinking. Then suddenly he stood up and pulled me to the bathroom, and started taking off my clothes. "Wh- * hack * What are-" "Shish! Drop your pants!" Lee turned around and turned on the shower. "Get in!" I followed his hands as they sort of pushed me to sit down in the shower. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed hard as the cold water hit me. "Shit, sorry!" Lee turned the knob for heat, and perched on the rim of the bathtub, watching me. The water quickly warmed up, and I just sort of sat there... Deja vu. After a few minutes of silence, Lee went to the little closet and grabbed a towel for me and set on the toilet. "Whenever you're ready. No rush." "Sorry... Didn't mean to ruin your high..." "It's fine, still a little high. But I've been doing this for a while, so I'm fine." Lee put his hand on my shoulder. "You doing okay?" "Yeah... yeah." "You stopped coughing! That's something." "Guess that smoke is gone." "I really don't think- You know what, whatever." Lee smiled. "You scared me for a second though." "Sorry... I'm kind of bad at this shit." "Ha, everyone sucks for their first time. I had a seizure my first time." "What?" "Yeah... Was some really trash shit. Knew to never trust bud from my friends." "That's kind of funny." "You thought smoke was stuck inside you, you got not room to talk!" "True..." We sat there again in silence. I felt suddenly very self-conscious. I was there, naked, my now ex sitting there taking care of me. But I also felt strangely comfy? "Thanks for taking care of me... It's been a while. Thought it would be something fun to do. Though I was a little worried..." "About what?" I felt a sudden urge to share... Maybe it was the sudden freedom about being able to talk about my past? Or maybe it was the weed... "Well, the last time I hung out with someone high, I had my first kiss. Maybe I thought it would sort of fill that hole of nostalgia in me." "First kiss?" Lee looked at me for a second then realized. "Oh... Well, tell me about it. Get your mind off your smoke filled lungs." "Ass!" I laughed meekly. "Well... Ben came home late one night after getting his drivers license, super drunk and high off his ass. His cousins aren't a very responsible sort. Then he comes into my room, just being a..." I smile, remembering the night... "Goofball. Then he just kisses me out of nowhere..." "That's kind of sweet, though." "Yeah, he felt bad I was still kiss-less, so he teased me then... went for it." I felt warm, but not because of the water anymore. Just remembering Ben being himself, that sweet earnest dork... "You miss him, don't you..." I look up and meet his eyes, but I don't see jealousy or bitterness. Just a friend looking out for his bro. I didn't feel guilty, at least. "That easy to tell?" "Yep. Plus your dick can't lie..." He pointed at my crotch and I look down.... Yep, hard as a rock. "Shit! Shit shit!" I rush to cover myself with my hands. Lee just laughs it off. "Sorry!" "Ha, it's fine, you can't control it. Here..." He stood up and grabbed the towel, tossing it at me. "Let's get you back to bed, you perv!" "You're the one staring at it!" . . . . . We laid in bed again, snug in a new change of clothes. Just chatting about whatever came to mind, unable to sleep due to our badly timed nap. "So... your cousin?" "Fuck, I knew you would follow up on that." Lee giggled as he played the air drums. His hands are never fucking still... "Yeah, a few years back, I was at my aunts place, playing around in their shed with my cousin when we found his dad's old nudie mag stash. He's a weirdo, so he just sort of whips it out without asking and starts stroking it right there." "And you joined?" "Yep. First time I saw someone else's cock in person, so duh, I'd jack off. He was focused on the titty monster in the centerfold, and I was focused on him. It worked out pretty well." "Sounds like it!" "What about you? Besides your brother kissing you, I doubt that was the reason it escalated." "No..." I stared at the ceiling, pondering how the whole thing went down. "Can I confess something?" "You already told me you used to fu-" "No! Not that, shish!" I smiled. "I had a crush on him for a while... He was hot, he was funny, he was mean but in a way that was super cute." "Like a bad Anime girl? Not like he likes you or anything!" "Exactly!" "So after the kiss?" "Well... I had came out to him, and he sort of had an epiphany of his own, finally accepting his own feelings as bi." "Wow..." "Yeah! I was shocked... And we sort of... Well, It kind of..." I couldn't think of the words without it sounding wrong or dumb. "Escalated?" Lee offered. "Yeah, I guess." I took a deep breath. "We spent so much time together after that. It was everything I could ever want. Not because of the sex or anything, but... I always wanted him to be my brother, my friend. For so long, he wasn't. Just an asshole with a bully complex. And finally, he was everything I wanted..." Silence clenched the scene for a while, a sense of awkwardness took hold... I kept forgetting that Lee might not appreciate the way I said that, but... "Do you think you'll get back with him?" Lee asked, earnestly. ... The question caught me off guard. If Ben came back, what would I do? For a while now, I just assumed he would get caught up in Cali, and never come back home. Forget about his family, his friends... Me. Maybe that was my real fear of him leaving... Forgetting me. Not just our relationship... But forgetting me, his brother. "I don't..." I tried to speak, but felt my words stuck in my throat, so much wanting to be said but getting jumbled together, like a shitty emotional Rubix's cube. "Deep down, I would hope so... But that's not how I tick. I don't think using my hopes. I assume the worst... Always have, always will. My dad left us, my mom had to work more and had to leave me alone a lot, my brother left with his family, leaving me with no one. So I just..." I sniffed, a sudden influx of pain pressing around my heart, like the phantom grasp of a ghost long since buried. Or so I thought... "You just expect the worst..." "Yeah..." I tried to figure out how to state my feelings, but instead I just got a song stuck in my head... But maybe it'll voice what I can't? "There's a lyric from one of my favorite songs that stuck with me because of that. 'Pessimism, you're on my side, my old friend. You make the bad come as no shock, once again. And the good as holy as the downpour, after our rain dances left us begging the gods for more.'" Lee giggled. "Quite the mouthful. It's pretty deep though." "It works better in the song." I laughed back. "But it stuck with me... I spent so much of life hoping for so much that never happened. Maybe my dad would come back... Maybe my mom would spend time with me... Maybe I'll make friends that stick around... Just got tiring to keep staying up late at night, praying that something good would happen. It never did... Or if it did, like with Ben, it falls apart just as quickly as it began. Just makes the whole thing feel... Pointless? And that's what made it hurt so much that he left... Just because everyone important kept doing it to me. And I'm tired of being alone..." "You're not alone now..." Lee scooted towards me and gave me a hug, deep and long, tight and warm... He held it for a while. Never saying another word. We shifted a little, getting comfortable and just laid like that, lost in the embrace. No more thoughts shared, no feelings expressed, just friendship... Pure and honest, not held back by lies or mistakes. Just friendship; laid out bare, exposed, yet still safe, shared only between Lee and I... End of Chapter 26