Date: Mon, 23 Dec 2019 22:40:15 -0600 From: Armando F Subject: New Adventures with Older Brother part 33 Disclaimer -- This story is a work of fiction, and depicts incestual sexual action between teen boys. If you are uncomfortable with that, or live in a community where that material is forbidden, please stop reading. Don't forget, Nifty is a great resource, so please donate! http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html I'm so sorry about the delay on this, so much of my life has been taken up by so many things that I've hit writers block. Hell, I think I started and restarted this chapter like 4 times. Thanks everyone who kept emailing me and making sure I was alive. Made me feel so wanted and happy. Let me know what you think at army.mando9@gmail.com Chapter 33: This Time Next Year Like sand through the hourglass, so were the days of our summer. In the span of a week, I swapped from hours of playing games with my brother, hanging out with my friends, going to shows to support my ex, and just murdering seconds to... Just getting anxious. Harry's all happy since now that Riley is officially away at school, he got her old car, and I got a ride to school! Still can avoid that schoolbus plague. So freakin' slow! But even with all the prep, the long hours away from being to chat with Ben at all moments of the day has left me... longing. Mom said if my phone gets taken up at school for texting or just not doing work, she'll let them keep it. Not like they would want it, its a piece of crap brick, but it's still my only way to still consistently talk to Ben, and lord knows I need every little drop I can. Without it, I might just end up blowing random guys at the joke glory hole in the boys bathroom for a text. Kidding... Maybe. Desperate times, right? My schedule for this year seems like a nice step up. Just enough to be a lazy Junior but not too lazy where it can't look good on a... *sigh*... college application. Lots of extracurriculars (Ben suggested sports, but I suggested he could go fuck himself) and classes I can use to fluff my GPA. And everyone always appreciates a good fluffing. And as a good side effect, Harry and I get to spend a lot of classes together (Apparently he just charmed his way into a good schedule.) but he's still all bummed that Lee isn't gonna be around as much, since his school is on the other side of the city. Oh well, poor Harry, has to suffer a semblance of my penance. But we get by. Reading assignments here, homework study sessions there, and one major play (Some weird take on Twelfth Night, but hey, who doesn't love Shakespeare? Besides all the students forced to watch us perform it. That's gonna be torture...) And just as Summer gives way to Fall, so too did our shifting focus towards the holidays... Well, I say fall. In Texas, it's just slightly less hot Summer anyway. Then it'll crash into Winter as usual. The chance that seeing Ben at some point for a week fills me with endless glee. Every single allowance of us being able to spend time together, between the games and the voice chats and the late night phone calls while I hide under my sheets, talking about school and work and our friends and our lives and how much we miss each other... But we don't linger on it. We haven't really decided on "when" yet, but I really hope it would be in time for my birthday, but I know better... Ben works hard and with a lot of people, so I doubt he'll fuck over his older coworkers just to see me. And I'm fine with that, sort of... He's a real loyal guy, and I admire that about him. Just... not when it works against me. As Ben would say, "The more you bitch about it, the harder it is to get by." And he's right... we just enjoy what we can. But it does put a lot of weight on the second coming... Cumming? Nah, that pun is too on the nose. I try my best... I really do. If not for me, then for him. And most days it's fine. I got Harry and Lee around to keep me occupied when I feel lonely, and Ben will be on the prowl for a new game for us to try ("This one is one where we fight zombies together!" "Army, look at this Star Wars game! Look at how many people are on screen!" "How do you feel about this racing game?") and it works. If not, we got TV shows we can obsess and watch together... Or try to. Stupid Time Zones. But it still weighs heavy on me. As the nights get slightly colder, I just stare out the window in Ben's old bed, just hoping the lights of his truck would pull up and greet me like beam from heaven itself. I've spent every night in that bed... The faint smell of him around me makes me delude myself that he's around. That he still cares. I'm glad he left his bottle of cologne. Sometimes, when I feel real bad, I just spread it on one of his old shirts and wear only that and his old briefs. Just... It's pathetic, I guess? I haven't told him I've done it. Mom hardly ever comes in here other than to let me know dinner is ready. Makes me feel weak because I just can't handle something as stupid as waiting for him to get back, like some kind of Arm-... I hate this nickname all of a sudden. Military wife. Ben assured me he's gonna visit. Got the time off saved up, just needs to find a time. Holidays might be harder because his coworkers are mostly older, dads and husbands, and he doesn't wanna rob someone else of that. I'm glad he cares like that, but what about me? I know, I know, I should be happy about the chance he'll visit at all, right? Seeing him at all should be enough... But "Should" doesn't really mean much at this point, does it? Deep down... I want him back for good. It's super selfish, but I just... We fought, we fixed it, yet it feels like we're still being punished for that mistake. I don't resent Ben for leaving to get a better job, and I'm happy he's getting all the experience he could need. The boy definitely needed a kick in the pants to be honest... I keep telling myself "The End justifies the Means." Ben making something of himself only means that we can find some sort of stability for us. Especially since I don't know where my End will be. But like we always say, Don't think, feel, right? I still have so many worries in the back of my head. What if Ben stays in Cali? What if I decide to move for school or work? What if I drop out? What if I get in an accident and end up in a coma and just be a vegetable? What if Aliens Exist? Shake your head and get those dumb thoughts out, Army... There's no point in fretting over such stupid shit, you know? Just enjoy that Ben still loves you, your friends still love you, your mom is overbearing but loves you. . . . . . As October turned into November, I started marking off days on the calender to keep track of the holidays. The radio marking the change, with the subtlety of being beaten to death with a candy cane. But it was so close, I could taste the obnoxious colors, the fake snow, the endless barrage of ham, the repeated showing of that Christmas Story movie that never fucking dies, the endless yodeling of the same 5 artists... We traded our t-shirts and AC for... More t-shirts and slightly less AC as Texas Autumn hit. Harry, Lee, and I just tried to spend as much free time as we could. They kept me company and distracted me from the impatience, and I helped them not fuck in the middle of department stores and restaurants. They are terrible people... Like 2 really gay rabbits. But mainly... they just remind me that I wanna cuddle up with him so bad, watching some scary movie again, both of us chowing down on some Buncha Crunch. Maybe some gummy bears too! Maybe I can pour some on him and just eat them right off his hot as fuck tummy... Damn it, Armando, stop it, you're gonna get yourself all hot and bothered again. I kept throwing myself deep into school work too, hoping any project or paper or anything could keep the thoughts at bay... Both the clean and dirty ones! Trying to be a good patient boy? Freaking hard as hell! But the... well, can't call it hard work, because I only half assed it... The mediocre work paid off! December finally blitzed it's way to home. Hoodies, actual need for pants, maybe even a beanie! It's the most wonderful time of the year... Mostly for me, because how hot guys look in their winter clothes. Maybe I'm weird, but... I like the look of jackets, the toasty feeling of hugging a friend and getting warm, the seductive way someone takes their gloves off with their teeth... Okay, definitely weird. Plus even out there "cold weather" clothing like Long Johns and those weird long thermal underwear? Kind of hot... ... Ben would definitely make fun of me if I ever said that. "I'll show you my long john..." or something stupid. Maybe that's what sort of makes time pass by pretty fast now, just keeping thinking of what Ben would say. Helps a lot specifically when I'm with Harry and Lee. I roll my eyes and Imaginary Ben would make a dopey comment and I'd giggle to myself... While my friends look at me with worry. "The fuck is he laughing at?" "No clue... He's being weird." But oh well, my imaginary friend keeps me company... Said the future serial killer, haha... ha. Sigh. Eventually, Mother and Ben started asking thinly veiled questions about what I want for Christmas and my Birthday. Any other situation, I'd be begging for games or movies or something, but... what do you do when the only thing you want, you can't have, and everything else just doesn't feel worth it. That's the worst bummer about this season. The cold that makes you crave the comfort, the whole big family that makes you long for who's missing, the urge to give happiness that can't be sated... Doubly so because my birthday and Christmas being so close. Everything just serves to remind me of what I can't have. TV? Bunch of holiday movies of couples finding themselves by magically turning into a fucking tree or whatever. Music? Other than some sexed up lyrics about wanting to fuck Santa, a lot of it is about love and togetherness. While my video games are way less eager to embrace the saccharine nonsense that is the season, hearing Ben serves as the worst reminder that he's not around. All I do is miss him... From the moment I wake up to the long nights where I toss and turn till I sleep, reminiscing over have's and have not's. Struggling with the do's and do not's. Uggghhhhh! I shouldn't do this! I shouldn't bask in this bullshit. All it does is hurt myself in the end. I'm not Johnny Cash, some elongated musical number about self inflicted wounds. I don't need the pain to remind me of reality. I know the reality, I've accepted the reality, and yet... Fantasy rebels. These flights of fancy that feel more like Icarian flight. I know the destination, but the journey continues to do more harm than good. Like going the wrong direction in a game, and just encountering a bunch of level 60 monsters while your lowly level 12 party just keep busting your head against the wall, rather than turn back around. We've already survived all this, we can persist. _ _ _ _ _ "Happy Birthdaaaaaaaaaaay!" "... wuh? Ben... it's like... 2 in the morning..." My brothers weary voice barely heard over my own cheers. "It's midnight here, bub!" "Ughhh... can it wait till... *yawn*.... tomorrow?" "No time like today!" "Stop yelling, I'm up I'm up." I knew he'd be asleep, Army can hardly stay up past his "wittle" bed time, but fuck him, I wanna be the first to tell him. If I were home, I'd have some dopey prank to pull like... some kind of whipped cream beard. Or maybe some more ice down his shirt. Still gotta bug the little dude. It's like... my God given duties. We talked for a little bit, but I could tell he'd rather be sleeping, but he was being polite. One of the few things I can truly count on my brother is that he's always so dang polite when it comes to me, since I think he's scared if he upsets me, I'll just ditch our whole thing. Which is kind of... like super paranoia, but whatever, he'll just accept that I'm not going anywhere no matter what. "Fine, fine, I get it, I'll let you go back to sleep. You have a good night, okay? I love you, babe." ... Silence. "Army?" All that answered back was some light snoring. Poor guy. Oh well, listening to him sleep made me feel weirdly content. I put my phone on speaker and leaned back in my bed, fingers laced behind my head, watching the ceiling fan turn. It's gonna be the new year soon, and I realized that after a big year, I haven't even thought about where I want it to go. I mean, other than going back home at some point. Not for like a week or something, but permanently. But between work here, and Pa, I just... I don't know where my next step is. I asked a few guys at work, but they really just sort seem the type who've already hit what they want because they got a job and their family. But I don't really feel this is where I wanna be the rest of my life. Out of 50 states, I only feel right in one. Fuck, I miss Whataburger... and Brisket... and good Tex-Mex. The queso here is okay, but... the fajitas suck ass honestly. But the question of what I want and how I'll get there keeps popping in my head, no matter where I'm at. I'm in the shower? Boom, dumb thoughts. Drinking with my coworkers? Bam, more dumb thoughts. On the shitter? You betcha... I just keep thinking about what I want to do, and how I want Army to be proud of me. Like, I don't really worry about him so much anymore... He's clever, so even if he doesn't want to go to college (Not that I blame him, honestly. Fuck that noise...) I know he'll be able to lie and charm his way into a good job. Not a great one, but then again, my bro's never been an over achiever. Which has always been a big bummer to Ma. He's so smart, but he'd rather half ass it and be lazy, instead of whole ass it and get rewarded. Maybe being able to get by with the minimum amount of work is the slackers golden ticket. I can't really think like that, though. I want to get dirty, get my hands busy, get down to business. I like my work like I like my sex, right? But I do my best to put it from my mind... I wanna have a legit talk with Army about it before I make the choice. Face to face, no phone, no games, just... us talking about where we're heading. That's gonna be hard, I know... Army tends to get hyper defensive, thinking that people are ganging up on him to make a choice. But I think if I frame it around our life... Because deep down, I don't know where this is going... Maybe Army and I are still together down the line. Maybe we snap out of this whole incest thing and just go back to being brothers with a sketchy history that we drunkenly revisit when on the rebound... And... that scares me. He's been the best thing to happen to me in so long, and I just end up back in the same spiral. Where does it go, where does it lead, am I fucked up for letting it go on? I know I'm the older brother, and I gotta watch out for him. Even from myself... Or maybe it's just the sound of his gay ass snoring into the phone still that's making me think this way. Oh well, not much I can do till we can see each other again... I told him I'd be free for spring break, and I intend to make that promise. Just... gotta spend the time I have now thinking about where I want to go... Like, I love working on trucks, it's fun, and I'm not half bad at it. I can troubleshoot a ton of random shit, though the electrical stuff still fucks me up. But I want something I can come home and be proud of. And helping some dopey freight company ship another pallet of super dildos or backpacks or whatever just doesn't make me care. Like, I'd want something that if someone asked Army "hey, what do your boyfriend do?" and he'd have a big smile as he rubbed it in smugly in someones face. I mean, being a grease monkey is basically where I saw myself anyway. Either that or a stripper, but I'm saving that as a real last resort. All the poor guys and gals who wanna see me in some kind of kind of sexy cowboy or sexy construction worker or some kind of sexy firefighter out- Wait... Hmmm... Now that's an idea... End of Chapter 33 Thanks for reading!