01 - Palm Springs Family

01 - Palm Springs Family - The Meeting

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This is a story of fiction, involving sensitive and controversial topics and sex. If there is any reason you shouldn't read such stories, then please don't read this one.

This is a `Coming of Age' story... It wasn't supposed to include a lot of sex, but the boys seem to have their own ideas. Sorry?

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Friday 15 June About 2PM

It doesn't take long to get the plane landed, our stuff in the rental car that we had arranged, and to make it to the hotel.

We all need a little time to prepare ourselves. And at this point, after being on the plane for hours, we'd all kill for a nice hot shower.

Normally at home we'd all three hop in the shower together, but we're all already nervous enough. We thought about getting Michael a separate room, for appearances, but when it came down to it - we refuse to do that to Michael.

We decided to present Michael as a trusted friend and employee who has been with us for years, and who will make the transition to a new home much easier for the boys - assuming any of this happens. All of which is the truth... it's just nowhere near the whole truth.

Michael IS a true friend, who has been with us for about 6 years. And he's totally gorgeous. Sorta' looks like an older version of Steve, actually. He's about 6 foot tall, 1 inch shorter than Alex and I, dark hair and eyes, and a gorgeous face, and a great body.

Michael DOES take care of us and the house. He's much happier driving a car, especially in a lot of traffic, than either of us. Michael will, if any of this works, have a large responsibility in the lives of the boys. We're pretty sure we wouldn't even consider this without him being an important part of our family and him being ok with it. Michael, BTW, is about ten years younger than us... so not quite a `big brother' to the boys, but 10 years closer in age.

But one thing is certain. We can NOT, at least for now, explain that Michael is very much a part of our lives... and our relationship. And the interim, until we can get to the point of being completely honest with the boys, at some point probably YEARS into the future, is going to be something we have to be very careful about! There is way too much `freak out' potential here. And it's going to be difficult for us and Michael... and it's going to hurt him to have to hide our relationship... for the first time ever. Us too.

We did get a room with two large beds... for appearance. Although that doesn't mean the second bed will be used!

We had given Mr. Frank an approximate arrival time and we're still a little early. After enough time to get showered and relax a bit, we call Mr. Frank at Green Path Group Home For Boys to let him know that we've arrived. We also talk with him a bit about how exactly this `meeting' thing should go.

I know prospective parents have to meet prospective kids. I get it. But to me it seems totally barbaric. It seems like the parents show up and `interview' the kids. But why? To see if they're `good enough'. To see if they live up to their expectations?

I know that we have to be sure that we all `fit', but I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair to these boys to judge them after just a few days with them, especially when we know almost nothing about them.

Mr. Frank knows the boys are pretty stressed out about everything, so we leave it up to him whether we should come by today after arriving, or wait until tomorrow morning. None of us really want to wait, but all of us are scared to death about how the meeting will go.

It's decided. We go NOW! He talked to Luke and Steve and it sounds like they're as stressed out over this as we are. It's certainly not fair to make them wait any longer.

Crap!

How do people do this? How do people find the courage and conviction to deal with things like this? How does someone weigh the risks of things going really badly, but do it anyway?

I guess we're going to find out.

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Strafford New Hampshire is not a big town. We make it to the group home with only barely using the navigation system on our phones.

I think I've sweated out a gallon of water by the time we actually get to Green Path Group Home and already need another shower. We're going to meet Mr. Frank at his office... and talk about how this is supposed to go.

Green Path is a private `group home for boys', I guess is what it's actually licensed as. It's run by `Mr. Frank' and his wife, JoAnne.

Their names are actually `Mr. and Mrs. Green'. They tell all the boys to call them Frank and JoAnne, but he explained that not all of the boys like calling them by their first names. More will use `JoAnne' than `Frank', but not all. So, for simplicity, we're going to follow the boys' example and call them Mr. Frank and JoAnne.

We met the two of them about a year earlier at a function for The Trevor Project. It's an organization that we donate some money to regularly. The number of young people who commit suicide, or at least try, is truly depressing. And the percentage of those kids who are LGBTQ+ is even more depressing.

A LOT of the LGBTQ+ kids do, or try to, commit suicide because of bullying or because they've been kicked out of the only home they've ever known by their parents. It's just unbelievable what `loving parents' are willing to do to a LGBTQ+ child. Their own child. Family Values my gay ass!

When we were debating trying to adopt, we never said we would only consider gay boys. We did decide we don't think we're equipped, mentally or any other way, to adopt a girl or girls. I mean... I know kids always think their parents are ANCIENT anyway, but at least we were ONCE boys... and in our case, gay boys.

We just don't think we'd be able to relate to a girl, or girls, to the same level as we would boys, or them to us. We really aren't comfortable with how a girl would feel about two dads, and certainly not two gay dads. We're worried about how any kid would react to having two gay dads...

We're also worried about how a `straight boy' would react to that prospect. But we never said, `only gay'. We figure a 'straight boy' can make up his own mind - although we don't have a clue about how to handle the whole `girlfriend' thing with a straight son when it comes up.

When we met Mr. Frank and his wife at that function, he brought up the possibility of adopting. We told him we had taken a few preliminary steps in that direction, but that we were still very hesitant because of all the issues we would encounter as two gay men trying to adopt.

He assured us that it's `doable' and that Child Services and Judges will absolutely consider us, given that a lot of people looking to adopt will be reluctant, or totally unwilling, to knowingly adopt a gay boy, or boys.

So imagine our complete and utter surprise almost four months ago when he called and told us about Luke and Steve. Boyfriends, so the gay thing is decided, we assume. We received pictures and enough background information to be really depressed... and ready to move forward! So we did. It's been a VERY LONG four months.

Mr. Frank had contacted us about Luke and Steve because he's terrified that some bureaucrat will separate them.

We thought about it... A LOT. Almost all the time honestly. When we were told about Luke and Steve, it was still the during the boys' school year, and the last thing we wanted to do was upset their routine any more than we had to.

They hadn't been settled in the Group Home for very long, Luke a couple months longer than Steve, and the last thing we want to do is make it even more difficult for them. So, we decided to wait until the weekend after the end of their school year to actually visit them.

Mr. Frank was going to tell them about us after the last day of school... there was no point in making them deal with all this while they were still in school. Although we're afraid the news will ruin their summer.

So here we are. The Friday after school is over. We figure we'll have the weekend at least to spend with the two boys, and hope they're ok with us as dads... although we'll stay as long as they want or need.

Mr. Frank is somewhat of a `bear' of a man... certainly not fat, but not exactly muscular. He sort of reminds me of a youngish grandpa, and no, not the one from `The Munsters'... just in a good, grandfatherly way.

It's clear he and JoAnne are totally dedicated to the boys they take in. It makes it infinitely easier. Had we, meaning `me', had to deal with some officious bitch from Child Services, it would NOT have gone well.

We talk for a long time about how things could go. How they should go. School had finished earlier in the week. Will the boys want to go back soon - assuming they don't totally freak out at the prospect of having two gay men as dads?

We want the first meeting to be as informal and friendly as possible. I really don't want to go sit in some unfriendly office to meet the boys. Some people prefer a very stuffy first meeting I guess... I don't.

I hate the thought of this whole meeting as some sort of `are you good enough for us' kinda thing... even though we all know that's exactly what it is. Mr. Frank says that some people prefer to meet in the dining hall, although that comes with less privacy. He had asked the boys and they said they preferred that too.

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The Meeting

So, the plan according to Mr. Frank is to go over to the dining hall to meet the boys. His wife is already there. He called the boys on their ancient cellphone that they loan to all the boys and told them about what time we'll be there.

He says it has a big seating area off to one side that's used by the boys to congregate, watch movies and talk or play any of the games they have available. So off we go. I'm so damn nervous I can barely make my feet keep moving.

I'm afraid to ask Alex and Michael how they are. We all look like we're about ready to throw up.

Mr. Frank gets greeted by what seems like a dozen boys while we're on the way - and they all seem to think of him as their own personal grandfather. That helps our nerves a lot. Mr. Frank leads us to the dining hall. He walks up to the door, opens it, and motions us in.

Now, I want to say that I `tried' to be prepared to meet the boys. I tried. I tried to think of anything to say that wouldn't sound totally lame. I tried to think of ANYTHING I could say that would put the boys more at ease. I tried. We all tried. But...

Mr. Frank, unlike us, knows exactly where Luke and Steve will be seated, and as soon as he turns and starts for the seating area, I see four boys sitting together. Luke and Steve haven't seen us just yet, but the two cute Latino twins, apparently, they're sitting with are facing the door and see us immediately.

They glance at us, their eyes lingering just a bit, then at each other, then one of them leans forward and says something to Steve and Luke, who we kinda recognize from the back... based on the pictures of them we've been sent.

It's like everything is suddenly in very slow-motion.

Both of their heads kinda jerk back about an inch or so. They stop talking. Their shoulders slump noticeably. Their heads slump a little forward again. The four are sitting in individual chairs. I see Luke and Steve reach to one side toward each other and take the other's hand. They sit completely still for a couple moments and then lean into each other so their shoulders make contact. They stop.

From their body-language, they look so completely defeated. It's so damn heartbreaking! Is it because we're gay? Is it just the anxiety - like with us?

They haven't looked toward each other yet. I can see them square their shoulders a bit, lean back a bit, and turn their faces toward each other, staring lovingly in each other's eyes.

After a couple seconds they slowly rise... turn so they are directly facing each other and stop. They each reach forward with their free hand and slowly takes the hand offered. They stand, completely hand in hand, facing each other for a few seconds. It's almost like they are saying `goodbye'. This is so damn hard to watch.

I can only see their faces from the side. The look in theirs eyes is one of complete TERROR. It's like they've decided their lives are over, and it looks like they have completely given up. I can see tears.

A brief couple seconds later, almost like each is trying to support the other, they each take a deep breath, the look of terror almost disappears and a very, very slight smile appears on their lips... a very nervous smile. But, they've made up their minds. They are going to do this.

With a not quite totally believable smile, they turn to face us. Their eyes quickly find Mr. Frank, and then moves to us - giving each one of us a very skeptical glance... not angry... not hateful... not even mad. And it's like they aren't quite sure why there are THREE of us. A small frown appears on Luke's face.

Suddenly I notice it's gotten very quiet. Apparently all the people in the dining hall have seen this particular show before. They obviously already know that Luke and Steve might be adopted. They apparently know it's by two gay men - at least it looks that way. Nobody freaks out, but the entire place is pretty damn quiet.

I won't lie. I make a complete fool of myself.

As soon as I see the hopelessness and terror in their eyes I totally lose it. What have we done to these boys? Alex glances at me from my left side, not surprised at all by my reaction, takes me gently by my elbow, and urges me forward. By the time I'm able to get my feet to actually move, I'm a total mess.

I at least had thought to bring some tissue with me. The closer Alex persuades my feet to take me, the whole time concentrating on their faces, the more tears leak out of mine.

I expect them to hightail it out of there. Instead, when I can see thru my tears enough to look them in the eyes, their eyes look pretty much like mine. I can't speak at all.... I just stand there silently crying. They're doing the same.

I manage to make it most of the way toward them. They walk toward us the last few steps, and all I can do is hold out my arms and continue to cry.

After some consideration of what to do, very tentatively, both boys come forward very slowly, eventually getting within hugging distance, they look into each other's eyes with complete love, drop the other one's hand, turn and give me the most amazing, soul-freeing hug I've ever had in my life. I cry like a damn infant.

Not a good look for a gay man trying to be a father!

We do that for what seems like forever, although it's probably only a couple minutes.

The three of us have tears in our eyes, along with both sets of boys... even though we haven't met Diego and Daniel yet and don't even know their names. I figure this is hard on them for different reasons - I just don't know what those reasons are, but I can imagine it has to do with their own fears about being adopted.

Almost everybody else in the place, including Mr. Frank and his wife, along with several other adults who apparently work here, look like they're also on the verge of shedding silent tears... a few are. And nobody is saying anything.

Still without any of us speaking somebody directs us to the seating area. There's a selection of chairs, sofas, a couple `bean bag' things.... We start trying to figure out who is going to sit where, but the last thing I want was to have us sit there like typical adults and `interview' these two amazing boys. I just want to talk to them... to assure them... and hope they don't already hate us.

This area of the room is nicely carpeted and it looks like more boys probably sit on the floor than in the chairs.... I finally ask the boys if we can all just sit on the floor. They look at me like I'm crazy for suggesting it, but they both kinda lead the way and we all find seats on the beanbags, or floor, or small stools.

It's a very awkward few minutes. Us and the boys are wiping our eyes. Eventually Mr. Frank, who has obviously been thru lots of these, starts the introductions.

I wish I could, but I honestly don't remember much of what was said during the introductions. But it was comfortable... after a bit... to a point... and none of us want to bring up anything serious, so we just talk.

I apologize for being a mess. I apologize for putting them thru this much stress. We talk a little about school. They're very glad to be out for the summer, but it sounds like we've put a big curse on their summer. They have no idea whether to make any plans for the summer or not, not that they would have had many options anyway... but it sounds like we've ruined even those. We talk about everything, except what we're here for.

We're introduced to the twins, Daniel and Diego, who try to leave as soon as we start to sit down, but Luke says something to them and they stay. After we all sit on the floor and talk for a few minutes, they again say they're going to go, but it's so nice seeing the four boys interact with each other, I don't want them to leave.

I assure them that they're more than welcome to stay, and that Luke and Steve would probably appreciate it too. Having them there makes it much easier to talk. Luke and Steve are obviously as nervous as we are. Diego and Daniel seem a little more willing to talk.

Mr. Frank and JoAnne stay for about 30 minutes, sitting on a sofa. I guess Mr. Frank wants to be sure we all `get along' well enough. We agree that we'll stop by his office on the way out and let him know how things went, and what the plans are for tomorrow.

We only have very vague plans for what we're going to do here with the boys.

We know we absolutely want to spend as much time as we can with them. We want to `do something' with them, and not just sit around being boring adults. There are a few things in the vicinity that we can do... a couple 'tourist attractions', a couple kid-friendly restaurants we found online, a little further away there's an amusement park kinda area... and a large lake that we thought could be something to do with the boys.

We had left our plans open-ended. The plane we came on was chartered, so it left and it, or another one, will come back to get us when we're ready to leave. We know from experience we can give them as little as 24 hours notice when we're ready to go home. The hotel has been booked into for 7 nights. School's already out, but we aren't sure when the boys will really be ready to leave. Hell, we aren't sure they will ever be ready to leave with us.

When we start talking about what we will do for the next five or six days, and how things should go, Diego and Daniel are quick to say they'll see Luke and Steve later. But the way the boys interact, it's obvious that they enjoy each others' company... a lot.

It doesn't take long to see that Daniel and Diego are in a much more talkative mood than Steve or Luke. They're actually making it a lot easier to get Luke and Steve to talk.

As soon as the other two are out of hearing range, I lean in and quietly ask Luke and Steve if they would like to invite Diego and Daniel to go with us... everywhere... well, at least as long as we're here. I waited until they were out of earshot in case L+S didn't want them to go.

It's obvious they're close friends, but I'm worried they'll resent it if we ask the other two boys to join us. I mean, we did come to see Luke and Steve, not Daniel and Diego. They certainly don't seem like the jealous type, but just to be sure.

Their eyes come alive, for the first time since we arrived. It looks like they're going to explode from excitement, so I ask them to go stop Diego and Daniel before they get too far away, and ask them. They all come back excited to join us and they say `YES', which makes everybody much happier.

Author Dad Kevin: I'm noticing that I spend a lot of time and space on names here, so I'm going to abbreviate some of the time. Diego and Daniel will sometimes be D+D, and Luke and Steve will sometimes be L+S, etc.

We had thought about trying to take the boys out to dinner or something, but honestly I'm exhausted. The boys are exhausted. We're all exhausted.

We talk until the dining room starts serving dinner. We say that we should go back to the hotel and let them have dinner. It's Steve who suggests that we stay and eat with them in the dining room, which is apparently allowed. We don't want to intrude on them, and tell them so, but they seem so sincere that we cave in... gladly.

And... we have a great time. We all slowly figure out some things of interest we can talk about. They have a few questions about Palm Springs. D+D, before they lost their parents, actually lived in San Diego, so they're a little familiar with Palm Springs, having been there a couple of times for various reasons. They give it such good `reviews' that I think it helps L+S be a lot less stressed about possibly moving.

Well, except for how hot it gets in Palm Springs. But we assure them we have a big pool... Hey, we're not above a little bribery!

We aren't willing to be very `gay' with our explanation... just yet. We know we have to do that, and we will. We certainly want to make sure they're really ok having `gay dads,' but it's more important right now just to get to know each other a little better...

After lots of back-and-forth, L+S even mention `kinda looking forward' to maybe living in Palm Springs. I don't cry when he says it, but come damn close.

We almost have our family, but it certainly isn't a done deal yet.

Eventually they all four walk us out to the car, even giving us all hugs before we leave... with tears in our eyes... and theirs.

Damn this is hard.

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`Author Dad Kevin':

I think I started this story, at least in my head, the moment we actually met our new sons. We were all total wrecks, and had been for months, worrying about how it would go, but as soon as we all met, it was clear we all belong together.

As you read this story, a lot of you will criticize us for allowing the boys so much freedom, especially when it comes to sex. But, as gay men we absolutely WILL NOT instill fear or guilt into our sons when it comes to being gay or having responsible sex. It took all of us adults long enough to get over those things from our own past, so the last thing we intend to do to our sons is to make them feel guilty.

And like Luke and Steve said earlier, their reactions to that freedom and openness were... complicated. And I'll be completely honest. They pushed us to do some things that we swore we would NEVER do, and we still have guilt over that. But, as to whether we have `regrets', sorry, but you'll have to keep reading to find out. It's not a simple answer.

Please be warned, they really do go thru a very sexual stage, and they aren't shy or inhibited when it comes to sex.

The story will be much more detailed in the beginning, as we all come to terms with a lot of... things.

I hope you enjoy our sons' story.

Thank You,

Dad Kevin

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Next: 02 - Palm Springs Family - Let's Talk