Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:57:31 -0400
From: niftyreadersclub@aol.com
Subject: The Journey - Part Three

Already, I am getting a much more diverse audience of readers to this
story.  I'd like emphasis, as I have to those of you who have emailed me,
that this telling is...it has much more scope then just sex.  I do not
write stories of lust.  I write stories with meaning.  I'm glad you're
enjoying it, because there is much more to follow.  So stay tuned...  I can
be reached at niftyreadersclub@aol.com

PART THREE

"I'd like to ask you the same thing I asked you one time before," I stated.
My son and I had separated from a lengthy hug and were now sitting side by
side against the wall.  When I was holding him before, his trembling
lessened and his cheeks stopped shaking and his tears stopped flowing.
Only when all of this was not evident to keep happening did I let him go
and seat him beside me.  I kept a bare leg against his leg for connection;
it seemed to dissipate much of his fear that I was naked beside him.

When he didn't reply, I said, "Zavid, I need you to respond.  I really do.
I need us to talk."  And when he still didn't say anything, I told him,
"I'm sorry."  I was defeated in a big way.  Sitting there, eyes closed, I
thought seriously that this wasn't a round I was going to get any
accomplishment from, no matter how vulnerable I could make myself to him.
I wondered how many rounds it would take, how many hurts, how many years.

"Why are you sorry?"

My eyes snapped open, head turning to him.  Slowly, I told him, "Maybe if
you could look at me, I could tell you why."  And he did.  There was fear,
but less of it.  With fear still hanging in the balance, I said, "Zavid, if
you could tell me what you're afraid of, I'll tell you what I'm afraid of
too."

Chewing his lip, he said, "I'm not sure."

"Can I ask you what I was going to ask you?"  Hesitantly, he nodded.  "Do
you like boys?"  He nodded and looked away.  I immediately grabbed his
chin, forcing him to look directly at me.  In the softest whisper I could
muster, I said, "I didn't hear you," keeping his face close to me and his
eyes unable to escape mine.

"Yes," he replied.

As soon as he said it verbally, I removed my grip on his chin, and he
didn't try to look away.  Realizing that he was keeping eye contact with
me, it was a moment to answer the question he asked.  "I apologized to you
because I don't think I handled this situation the right way the first
time."  It seemed like I suddenly saw many question marks in my son's
expression.  "Zavid, I think I should have let you come to us first about
this before asking you."

"Why did you ask me?"  How innocent his question sounded.

"Because of this," I looked down at my nakedness.

"I don't understand."

I sighed.  "Zavid, why am I naked?  You seem to like that I'm naked.  Does
it help you to talk?"

"No!" He blurted out anxiously.

Suddenly, I felt foolish, like an idiot, as if I was on the wrong track of
everything that was happening.  I didn't know what to do.  I leaned forward
and started reaching for my clothes.  His hands darted out and gripped my
right wrist.  "Yes."

I turned and looked at him for a long, long moment, and thought, this is
progress.  I leaned back once again.

"Why?" I inquired.  My voice was tired.

"I honestly don't know."

"You look at me sometimes," I stated.  I felt his fear rise around me
again.  I forget how deep my voice is and how commanding or threatening it
can sound.  "And you can!" I said quickly, weakening.  I also realized
where we were, and didn't want us to be heard, so I broke my voice down to
as low as I could get it and still be heard.

I decided then and there that I wasn't going to push the issue of what I
thought was happening.  I was going somewhere with this, I just had to find
some patience to hold off my own suspicions until he could have a voice
about it.  The voice inside my own head warned me that if I asked too much
too soon, disaster was eminent.

"What's it like," I started asking instead, "being next to me when I'm
naked?"  The way I was seated, my knees up, I knew he couldn't see much of
me, so I let the knot of strength in my right leg loose, overpowering his
own leg, and opened myself up, allowing him to be as close to me as I
thought I could allow.  His eyes danced over my body.  I was pretty solidly
built, with quite a hairy chest and set of legs.  All of my body hair was
very dark brown, and the bush above my crotch was full.

"I didn't know you were so hairy."  I grinned, but waited silently to see
if he would continue a vocal observation.  "Will I be like this?"

"I have no idea," I chuckled.  "Do you want to be?"  He shrugged his
shoulders.  "We'll have to wait and see then, huh?"  Zavid nodded.  I then
felt the heat of his eyes on my cock and balls.  He didn't seem very
willing to make a comment about this, and I didn't press it.  He'd look
away, look back, look away, look back.  "Well, I think I should get
dressed, it's getting late."  I didn't wait for any answer, just started
pulling my socks on, standing, putting my boxers on, and tried not to think
of him watching me the entire time until I was fully dressed.

Kneeling down in front of him, I took his hands, hands that were no longer
very small, in mine.  "I'm glad we talked."  Clearing my throat, I added,
"Son, after tonight, I'm going to wait for some sign from you that tells me
that you know you can talk to me, alright?  I can't read your mind alone."
Seconds later, he nodded.  "And one more thing, one more thing that's very,
very important."  I could tell that he didn't like the sound of whatever
might be coming, but he kept his eyes glued to mine.  "I would like you to
promise me that when we talk, when I ask you a question, it's because I'd
like to know your answer.  No matter what I ask, I want to hear what you
think.  Okay?"

Again, seconds later, when he felt that I wasn't going to let his hands go
until he said something to me, he replied, "I'll try."

That had to be good enough for me, no matter how much I wanted to know, it
had to be good enough.  I stood and backed out onto the ladder.  Before I
fully disappeared from his view, I told him something I believed I rarely
told anyone.  "I love you."

It made me realize I was learning more things about myself from all of this
then I ever stopped to think about.


A little later, upstairs in our bedroom, sitting on my side of the bed and
removing my clothes, that I had just removed them not too long ago.  I was
tired that night.  Gena came in from our bathroom, already in her nightgown
and robe.

"How was your day?" She asked, removing the robe.

"Not too bad," I yawned.  When I was down to my boxers, I crawled under the
covers and made myself comfortable, then looked over at my wife, at her
vanity brushing her dark blond hair.  "I talked with Zavid today."

"Oh.  What about?"

"To find out if he liked boys instead of girls."

She did a complete spin in her chair, brush in her lap.  "Honey, I thought
we agreed that we weren't going to do this."  She held her breath a moment,
then breathed slowly.  "David, he's only fourteen years old.  What on earth
made you do this?"

Closing my eyes, I said, "I had my reasons."  I really didn't want to open
my eyes again for the rest of that night, and didn't.  I did all of my
talking with my eyes shut tight.  I was grateful the conversation didn't
last long.  I sensed her frustration.  "I had to."

"What reasons?"

`If I could tell you, I would,' I thought in my mind.  What came out was,
"I don't want to see a shy little boy anymore."

"I didn't realize he was so shy," She retorted, but not in anger.  She had
always been passive with this subject.

"He's shy enough."  Some silent moments later, I let sleep take a hold of
me.

More than a week passed of normal family activity, at least as normal as it
could be considering that with all of the kids growing older, all of us
passed into various phases.  It was the middle of summer, the kids were off
and running doing whatever, and that summer Gena had started doing what she
had always wanted to do before giving birth.  As a paleontologist, having
the children meant here working in labs.  With Katrina, the youngest, now
ten and able to be home with her sister Alexis and their brothers, my wife
started working in the fields.  Her first big field trip would keep her
away from home for four days, beginning in two weeks.

Gena didn't comment any further on what I'd told her that night.  I could
tell that she wasn't pleased about it, but she just wasn't in my shoes
right now, and there was no way I was going to say anything to her that
would rock this boat I so recently tried to keep myself from tipping over.

I also, that week, on a spur of the moment decision, went into a clothing
store and bought types of clothing I hadn't really warn since college days.
Four pairs of summer shorts, five muscle shirts, five V neck tee shirts,
just some things that would free me from the confines I'd been living with
for several years.  Gena gave me a sense of surprise at this, and I told
her I think that she's safe from anyone getting my attention but her.
After all these years, and several kisses, she believed me.

Another week rolled by.  In these past days, step by step, Zavid again
coveted anywhere I was.  I had that feeling back again but wasn't going to
react to it.  Whenever I had the chance to look at him in a secret,
conspiratorial way, I did, hoping that that would be the time he'd say
something about himself or ask some question.  I just kept waiting for him
to feel close to me, that he could feel close to me.  And secretly on my
part, coming up, when his mother would be away, my daughters opting to stay
with their grandparents, and only Corbin, myself and Zavid home, I hoped it
would be a time that Zavid would feel a little more room for...for...for I
don't know what.  Not really.  I steeled myself for surprises.

It was a chaotic time the day before she was going to leave for New Mexico.
The kids were never away from her for more than a day that I ever remember,
except for Corbin, who went to summer camp every year.  My daughters were
excited to spend time with Gena's parents and their dogs, Corbin seemed to
have something up his sleeve I told myself I better keep an eye on, and
Zavid remained passive.

That night, we rented a Disney movie, and after Gena finally had all five
of her luggage bags packed, we settled into the living room to share a
couple of hours in close proximity.  I grabbed the left side of the couch,
Gena the right, Katrina wanted to sit in mom's lap, Alexis sat beside them,
Corbin plopped himself down on the floor, showing a little grudgingly that
he wasn't interested in watching this movie with us, and then there was
Zavid, sitting away from us in a recliner.

I curled my knees up and called to him, "Zave, come over here and sit with
us.  There's plenty of room.  Come sit by me."  When he saw that no one
made a comment to my request and his mother was telling Corbin to put the
movie in, he reluctantly moved over and sat between me and Alex.  It was a
crowded couch now, but not uncomfortable.  I was wearing a pair of my new
shorts and an old polo shirt.  As the movie began, I knew I couldn't keep
my legs cramped as they were, so I wiggled my feet under Zavid's left leg
to give myself some room.

It was a fun and laugh filled next few hours.  Some time during the first
hour of the movie, I felt my son's hand try to squeeze between the top of
my feet and his leg, and eventually his fingers trying to hold on.  We
didn't look at each other, but I could see well enough out of the corner of
my eye that he was enjoying the contact.  Moments later, looking at the
rest of the family and seeing that all were into the movie, I snuck my
right hand down and without tickling him, I lightly gave the side of his
lower stomach a loose squeeze and smiled, still watching the movie.  I saw
him smile.

The next morning, I drove our daughters the ninety mile distance to my
parents-in-law, while the boys saw their mother off.  She was gone by the
time I got back home, but she called me to say she was already in New
Mexico.

Finding Corbin in the kitchen, I was sifting through the mail in my hands
and asked, "Where is everyone?"

"Well," My oldest son said dramatically, "I think that mom is in New
Mexico," I looked up at him with an instant grin, "my sisters are at my
grandparents, my dad's standing in the same room with me, and my little
brother," He looked around, and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know."  We
laughed.

"Is he in the house?"

"No, I saw him leave a little while ago."

A sudden notion struck me out of the blue.  I froze in place and said,
"Corbin, can I talk to you about something?"

"Dad, mom's only been gone a few hours.  I haven't had time to do anything
wrong."

I had to laugh again.  "There's plenty of time for me to catch you doing
something, but this isn't about you."  He gave me a questioning look.  I
pointed to a chair at the kitchen table.

"Geez, every time you sit me down it's always about me," but he went to the
table and sat anyway.  "Dad look, you know I want a car.  I haven't been
drinking with any of my friends since we were caught."

I sat down across from him quickly and changed the subject.  "I want to
talk about something before your brother gets home."  What had occurred to
me was a very distant recollection of something I overheard Corbin say to
someone on his cell phone through a window in the back yard.  "Corb, a
while ago, I heard you talking about Zavid to a friend of yours on the
phone."

"Dad, how am I gonna remember a phone conversation if it was a while ago?
How long ago?"

"I don't know, maybe six, seven months ago," He started to say something,
but I plowed through.  "I just now remember hearing you talk about your
`gay' little brother.  What did you mean by that?"  I was completely
serious.

He gave me his `I don't want to talk about this' look, but I darkened my
eyes and stared holes at him.  "I didn't mean anything by it.  I say crap
like that all the time."

"Yes, but do you say things like that to him?  To him directly?"

"Look, dad, he's my kid brother.  I don't care what he is-"

"How do you know what he is?"

"I just guess.  Dad, I just guess, that's all."

This was becoming a bullet conversation.  "And has he said anything?"

"He runs when I tease him!"

"So you've said mean things around him?"  My eldest son closed his eyes
exasperatingly.  "Corbin, what if it's true.  What if Zavid is gay?"  He
opened his eyes and stared at me.  "Answer me.  What if there's a chance
that it's true?"

"He's my brother."

"And if you knew for a fact that you might be saying things, anything, that
could be really hurting him inside?"

Corbin thought about that, staring down at the table.  More than a moment
later, he muttered, "I'd stop."

I knew that I was taking a daring risk here, but remembering that one
instance, I wanted to take this chance, especially with less people around
than usual.  "You'd stop?"

"Well I think so," He stammered.

"I am asking because until this last year, you used to enjoy having him
around.  You shared a lot with him when you weren't fighting about
ownership of something.  That's gone away."

Corbin Sighed.  "Dad, you have to understand something here.  I'm sixteen.
I'm going out with girls and doing...older things."

"Noted and accepted."  "And Zavid's gone off in his own little world
anyway.  He doesn't do anything except play video games-I know, I do
too-but he's buried in things that you can do alone.  I'm up to my neck in
social...things."

I nodded, understanding.  "I'm concerned about him."  Corbin looked at me,
waiting, hearing that tone in my voice that told him I had something to say
and that he better be listening.  "I found out recently from him that he
likes boys."  I stopped, waiting to see the reaction.  Corbin may as well
have been made of stone except for blinking eyes.

But he broke.  A burst of laughter escaped him and he told me, "Well, at
least he'll have more in common with Alex and Kat?"  I think he waited for
me to find the humor, and I knew the humor that was there, but I suppressed
the laugh-in, although I wanted to.

"And does your brother fit anywhere in the big picture with you anymore?
Son, he looked up to you.  You know he did.  You took it away from him."

"I didn't take anything away from him," Corbin said defensively, "I just
outgrew his age."

"Does he know that?  Or did you seem to just disappear from the spot
light?"

"What do you want me to do here, dad?"

"I'd like to see you reconnect with him.  There has to be something you can
share that includes him.  I want to see him join his surroundings again."

"That's great.  You want me to blow off my social life for some gay little
broth-"

The bare palm of my right hand slammed the top of the table between us so
hard that things around us shook, my hand stung, and he practically jumped
out of his skin.  He got the message, whatever message it was I was sending
him.  "Alright, look, I just want you to think about this."  As I stood, I
leaned over the table and got face to face.  "And one other thing, I don't
ever want to hear you say something like you were just about to say."
Still a bundle of nerves from fright, he nodded.  I walked out of the
kitchen.

And when I was around the corner, I muttered, "Damn it."  Because I knew
instinctively, once again, I did something wrong.  There was just no way I
could try to tell someone how to treat someone else.  I tried to council
myself that I just didn't want to be alone in this, but perhaps I really
was, and would be.


Some hours later, when my eyes were fluttering awake from a nap on the
couch, I looked around the living room.  I was as alone as I was when I
laid down.  The entire house sounded empty.  I made my way up to my
bedroom, shed my clothes and went out into the hallway, heading for the
bathroom.  Zavid was standing in the doorway of his bedroom.
Instinctively, I covered my cock with both hands, but it was out of
surprise.  When I knew it was him, I let my hands swing to my sides.  "Hi."

"Hi."

"Where've you been?"  I started walking his way.  The hallway was a bit dim
due to the lateness of the day, but my body felt his eyes on me.

"At the park mostly."

Nodding, I said, "I'm gonna take a quick shower and then see what mom left
us to make for dinner.  I'm sure she's got things in the fridge to make
that have numbers for each day she's gone." I smiled.  He did too.  I
didn't close the door behind me, just flicked on the light, turned on the
shower, waited for it to warm up, and stepped into the stall.

When I got out, toweling off, I saw that Zavid's bedroom light was on and
the door still open.  I walked up to it to find him lying on his bed
reading a gaming magazine.  "Anything interesting?"  I asked.

"Naw," He flipped another page, "Nothing in any of the series that I like."
I chuckled, stepping into his room and sitting beside him on the bed,
putting the damp towel around my neck.  I couldn't see his face because of
the magazine between us, so I just sat there.  I was about to say something
when he said, "Do you know that you've got a hairy butt too?"

There it was, an unexpected surprise.  I grabbed the magazine from him and
bolted him down with a hand to his chest.  "Are you looking at my butt,
boy?"  I asked in fun and games.  "Huh?  Are you?"  It was tickle time.

"No!" He screamed, gurgling with laughter.  "Dad!  Stop!"  I didn't stop
though, making him laugh until it wasn't loud anymore, and he fumbled his
way close enough to me to hug me so I couldn't touch the middle of his
stomach, like kids can do.  "Stop!"  He said again in a hoarse voice.  I
let him catch his breath.  "Dad, I'm too big for that game."

I had to agree with him, but I still couldn't help remembering how fun it
was with any of my kids before they started growing so big.  "So, I've got
a hairy butt, huh?"

"Yeah."  He pulled away enough to look at me.  "I saw it when you walked
by."

"I guess I'm hairy all over." I stated.

Zavid maneuvered around to look behind me, then said, "Not on your back."

"Well thank god!"  I said with relief.  "That'd make me feel like a
gorilla."  As we laughed, I felt for the first time that I didn't feel out
of place as naked as I was.  Mister bartender was right.  I had no reason
to disallow my son from seeing just what he may turn out to look like as he
got older and matured.  Even if he didn't, he would be similar, and should
witness how it would appear to others.  For me, the question was, how close
I should let him get to me.

"Zavid, have you thought about anything we talked about since we were last
in the tree house?"  I couldn't help it, I had to ask.

He started to pull away, but I held him to me, even though his left elbow
was between my legs and in my pubic hair.  A moment later he said, "It's
not easy dad.  You...have no...idea how hard this is."

"I'm trying to make it easier."

"I know."  Zavid moved his face into my mid torso so that my chest hair was
dancing on his face.  "But things scare me."

I started to stare off into nowhere, even though I continued being able to
communicate.  "Do I scare you?"

"No.  Not like before."

"How did I scare you before?"

"You didn't notice me."

"But I did!"  I told him, pulling his body up so that his face was level
with me.  "I just didn't know how to say anything without you being afraid.
I thought that anything I tried would scare you.  And what I already did
try did scare you."  I shook my head in frustration.  "The truth here for
me, son, is that I can't do anything...nothing...until I know what's on
your mind, what you're feeling."  I didn't know how to stress it enough
that I was being sincere, making me think twice about what Gena told me
about his age.

"All I want right now is to be able to be close to you," Zavid said so
softly I almost didn't hear it.  I felt the shivers from his body.  "I
don't want you to ask me why, it's just what I would like."

So I bore him to my body, sitting there, relaxed, letting him enjoy it and
know that it was there for him, telling myself I'd think about what he
meant later, as well as hoping that this wouldn't be interrupted by his
older brother dashing into the house.  I didn't think that would happen
though; Corbin had a midnight curfew on week nights during summer break.
It was still very early in the evening.  I so much didn't want Zavid to
feel that he should be on guard for a thousand interruptions, because I
wouldn't get anywhere with him if that continued to be the case.

He nodded off in my lap the way he was laying, and before I had the chance
to make him dinner.  I would always be a bad one to depend on at keeping
anyone fed.  It was a personal issue I'd have to work on if Gena was going
to continue having these field assignments.  I gently removed myself from
the connection he and I had, leaving him lay, oddly positioned but asleep
in his bed.  As I walked out of his room, it was weird for me to realize
that I was still naked.  It comforted me that I could forget that when he
was around me.


I didn't know what time it was when I heard the sound of the front door
lock click like it did when it was being opened by its key.  It simply woke
me.  Earlier in the evening, when there was no sign of Zavid waking up from
hunger, and darkness took over the house, I decided to park myself on the
couch.  I knew why.  There was more than one thing for me happening in my
home today.

It was somewhat humorous for me, in the shadows caused by the moonlight
penetrating through the windows of the house, to watch him try to be quiet.
When I saw his foot hit the first step of the stairwell landing, I turned
on the table light behind me.  He all but froze, slumped in defeat.
"Thanks for finding your way home," I said, my voice husky and deep in the
quiet of the room.

He looked at me, and slowly started coming my way.

I sat up and crossed my legs on the couch, putting the throw pillow that
was once supporting my head in my lap.  Corbin begrudgingly sat at the
opposite side.  I looked over at the grandfather clock he'd just seconds
before been near.  It spoke loudly of 12:32 a.m.  I stared at it until he
knew I noticed the time.

"It's only by a half hour," He stated, a bare plea in his voice.

"Son, the time you came in isn't why I waited for you."  He looked at me
sideways.  It didn't take him long to remember the earlier part of the day.
"May I ask something of you that shouldn't ruin the rest of your life?"  He
nodded.  We'd had these kinds of conversations before when he learned not
to try to argue with me because I wouldn't allow it.

"Cor, we have three days together, just us guys."  I gave several seconds
to let what I said sink in before continuing.  "I want us to do something
together."

He rustled where he sat, and I knew he was thinking of many other things
he'd rather do in the time space I was talking about.  I suddenly wasn't
sure whether to push this or not.  No matter what I was trying to make
positive, something bit at my heels.

I stood and walked past him, up the stairs, and into my bedroom.  I crawled
in bed, turned out the bedside light, and hoped tomorrow would be a better
day.

Part Four to follow...