Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2024 13:57:38 -0600
From: Mitchel <awriter3827@gmail.com>
Subject: True Love Knows No Bounds Chapter 1

True Love Knows No Bounds

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**To readers – this is a story of love, lust and desire.  Very few
people in the world get to experience a love that is undeniable.  To
explain the deep connection between those two individuals in words is
sometimes near next to impossible.  It is often only a love understood by
those who are lucky enough to experience it, cherish it and treat it as the
priceless treasure that it is. **

- - - - - - - - -

It was another chilly December Friday night in San Francisco as I sat
staring out the window of my small one-bedroom apartment down into the
Castro, looking at all the hustle and bustle going on and he club lights
starting to come on as the sun finally set. I will be starting my final
semester in Medical School at UCSF this January.  I've been in the bay area
for 8 years now and in this apartment for the past 4 years And I started to
think, how many times had I sat in this spot?  I can answer that question
easily.  More times than I care to count.  And then I thought about why.
Why do I sit here and stare out the window down on the street and the
lights of the clubs and everyone seeming to have a grand old time.

And why?  Because I thought that it would solve all my problems. It would
take me out of the insanity of what I thought my life was back in New York
where I grew up.  I thought leaving all the shame, and disdain that some
people had for me would disappear.  That I would be able to start college,
make new friends, even go out on dates with guys without having anyone look
down on me.  I would be able to be just me.  And truthfully, a lot of that
did happen.  I did go to college, I even graduated in the top 10 of my
class.  I made many friends over the past 8 years. I did try and date a few
guys, but they never worked out.  It would be one or two dates three if I
was lucky, but when it came to having sex with them, I was never able to
get hard and well that was pretty much the end of the relationship.  So, I
just stopped trying.

There was one night when I was sitting in Golden Gate Park with my friend
Steve where were just talking and he said to me,

"Jeff, we've known each other of years now."

	"Yep, since freshman year at Stanford." I replied.

"And you know I'll talk or tell you anything."

	"Steve what is it? It's clear you want to ask me something.  So get
it out already!"

"Jeff, have you ever tried to figure out why none of your relationships
work out?  I mean I know why they end.  But have you ever tried to figure
out why that happens? I mean I know you can get hard; we've jerked off a
million times together so I know you can get hard."  Uggh this was not a
discussion I wanted to have.  I've tried to get away from this issue
forever, yet I just can't seem to.

	"Yea I've thought about it.  Tried to figure it out, but never come
to a conclusion.  So I've just given up and stopped trying.  Not worth the
embarrassment or disappointment.  But why are you asking this now?"

"I don't know.  You always just seem so lonely.  And while no you don't
come off as that and give the appearance of someone who is strong and
powerful.  To someone who knows you like I do you just seem so lonely and
unhappy.  And I hate seeing that in you."  I did not want this conversation
to continue so I had to come up with something that would end it as quickly
as possible.

	"Steve, you're right.  I am lonely and I am unhappy.  But
unfortunately, none of that is ever going to change.  I'm already in love
with someone that I can't have and it's a person that I have loved for
many, many years.  And I don't have the ability to be in love with two
people at one time.  Having sex with someone for me at least means crossing
a line from just friends or boyfriends to lovers.  And before you even ask,
yes try as I might – even knowing I can't have this person I can't break
the love I have for them.  I have tried every single possible thing from
therapy to Buddhism.  You name it, I've tried it.  Nothing has ever worked.
I'm still in love with him.  As a result, sex doesn't happen and that's
pretty much the end of the date and relationship.  So, I've pretty much
given up.  This is the way I'm going to be and that's that."

"OK I got it, I got it.  I won't push anymore.  I just care about you and
don't like seeing you like this or anything happen because of it.  So, if
you ever need anything you can always come to me."

	"Thanks Steve, that means a lot."

And then the conversation went on about this, that and the other.  But I
went home that night thinking about what he said.  He was right I was
lonely.  I was sad, hell I was miserable, just like I was back in New York.
If anything, I feel worse now than ever before.  And all because of one
man.  A man that I have known my entire life. A man that I saw as the
pinnacle of a human being.  Someone who I used to be able to run to any
time I wanted, had the answers to all my questions.  Never turned me away
for anything.  Yep, you guessed right my father.

I'll be honest, I grew up in a very wealthy family.  I had 1 older brother
by 2 years, my mother was the typical rich woman who had her servants bring
her anything she wanted, had the manicurist come to the house instead of
her having to go to the salon herself.  Yes, she was a pretentious snob
that had the nanny's and house staff raise her children instead of herself.
And then of course there was my father.  This was the man who was able to
provide all of this for his family.  He was a powerful corporate attorney
who owned his own firm and had multiple million-dollar clients.  He was
also a man that towered over you at a height of 6'6", with piercing blue
eyes, a gym molded muscular body with a light dusting of hair covering it,
thick muscular legs, and from the few times that I was able to catch a
glimpse of his torso when sneaking into his bedroom a very sizable piece of
meat hanging between his legs.  He was also my best friend and at the same
time my biggest problem.

I remember around the time I was 13 or 14 and going through puberty and my
voice was changing and I was growing up (although I never made it to his
height, I'm only 6'2").  I had so many questions about so many things.  I
questioned myself, the feelings both mental and physical, and I questioned
everything going on around me.  As much as I knew my father would be more
than willing to talk to me about it, my feelings about him were one of the
questions that I had because they didn't seem normal. I was attracted to
boys and not girls like the few friends that I had.  I also found myself in
the dilemma that when I thought about guy, the only person that popped into
my mind was my father.  That was what concerned me the most.

Underneath it all I knew what it all meant.  Initially I didn't want to
accept it, but it was pretty much black and white.  I fought it as hard as
I could, wrestled with myself over and over trying to get that out of my
head.  Tried to look at pictures of girls and get into conversations with
my few friends about girls in school.  But none of it worked.  My brain
just said "no" and my dick stayed soft.  I was gay and that was it.  And to
be honest after a while I just accepted it.  The issue of coming out to
everyone else was a different story.

I knew I had to do it; it was just a matter of doing it.

Just like every other Saturday afternoon, my father and I were walking
through Central Park spending time together (something I cherished more
than anything).  I finally got myself to just come out and say it.

"Dad, I've been wrestling with something now for months and I thought I'd
be able to help myself or that it would just pass.  But I have nowhere else
to turn."  He looked at me with his blue eyes and I just melted and started
crying before I even got to what I wanted to say.

	"Joe what is it?  What's wrong?"

"Dad I think..no, I know I'm gay.  And it scares the shit out of me."  He
just took me in his arms,

	"Joseph, why on earth did you try to handle this on your own?  You
know I'm always here for you no matter what.  I know you're gay.  You don't
have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out.  You know I don't give a
shit about that.  I love you no matter what."

"Thanks, and I know I should have known that you'd be OK with it.  I'm just
struggling with it and have so many different emotions.  And I'm trying to
deal with all of them all at once and it's so hard to do."

	"I know Joe.  It's not an easy thing to deal with.  Especially in
the culture that we live in now.  But I'm here for you in any way you need
me to be.  Also, I promise things will get better as you get older.  You'll
be able to handle the emotions better.  They will settle down.  And
remember you're only 14, you're great at sports, and the books.  Trust me,
no one will bother you if you do come out or stay under the radar either
way.  I know you will be just fine."  His voice was so calming it almost
made my worries and at the same time made my love for him increase 10-fold.

He was right in one aspect, as I grew up and went into high school, I
decided that I would come out, but before doing so I was going to choose a
sport that I knew, I'd be able to defend myself if I needed to.  Wrestling.
As I talked to my father about it, his response was,

	"Brilliant idea!  We can even start earlier, you'll come and work
out with me after work, and on the weekends.  And we'll use my personal
trainer to get you toned up and ready."  Once again this was adding even
more fuel to my fire in my attraction to him.  I was also finally beginning
to understand that this was no longer just a physical attraction anymore.
This was me falling in love with someone.  Someone who was my father.

For the entire spring and all summer before I started high school, we
worked out religiously at the gym together.  By the time the summer was
over, I was almost as muscular as he was and panting for him even more than
before.  Once starting high school, I did join the wrestling team and by
the time I was a sophomore I was already on the 1st tier next to the
seniors.  I had won every single match they had put me in for.  And I can
remember my dad at every single match whether it be at home or away.  It
was the most heartwarming and gut-wrenching feeling at the same time.

As time passed, I also finally became more comfortable in my own skin as an
individual and had finally come to the conclusion that I didn't give a fuck
that I was gay.  One Sunday afternoon my dad asked me a question that I was
hoping that he wouldn't.  But unfortunately, he knew me too well.

	"Joe, I am so proud of you in terms of what you have been able to
do as a wrestler and as an individual.  Over the past 3 years I've seen you
grow into the man that I always knew you were.  But one thing I wonder is,
how come you haven't tried to have any relationships?  I don't think I've
seen you go on one date, and you'll be 17 in two weeks." I tried to think
of the best answer I could give that would get me out of this conversation
as quickly as possible.

"Honestly Dad, I just haven't found anyone that's worth my time.  I know it
sounds pretentious, but I look at the guys around here, and those that I
know are gay and those that I'm assuming are, don't interest me at all.  So
why waste my time?"  He just looked at me strangely with those beautiful
eyes that just melted my heart.

	"Well, what can I say?  You have your preferences, and you are one
of the strongest-minded people that I know so if that's the way you see
things now then so be it.  But I will give you one thought to ponder.  It
isn't always the worst thing in the world to think outside the box.  You're
making assumptions about people all of which may be valid, but some may
not.  Don't keep yourself so locked up that you wind-up alone.  Because you
may never find that perfect person."

"I know, but I can hope, can't I?"

	"Of course, you can."  And then another thought popped into my
head, I have no idea why, but it did.

"Dad, you know I cherish our relationship.  Nothing makes me happier than
spending time with you.  You are my best friend and confidant.  But I
noticed that you didn't treat Jeremy the same way before he left for
college, and you certainly don't spend any amount of time like this with
mom. Is there a reason or something different about me?"

	"You know something Joseph, you are just too damned curious for
your own good.  But if you really want to know why?  Fine, well in terms of
your mother, let's just say that she's not the warmest person in the world
and has her priorities in other places.  Don't get me wrong, I love her
very much and she did provide me with two wonderful gifts.  And in terms of
your brother – I love him too very much, but he turned out to be just
like your mother.  Did his own thing and didn't give two shits about anyone
or anything else.  But you.  You were...no you are the exact reason that I
wanted a kid.  To have times like these. To have love and emotions and be
able to spend time with them. And not just being asked for money."

I just sat there in tears as I listened to him say that.  But I now knew
more than ever I had to have this man.  I didn't know how I was going to do
it.  But I had to have him.

"Thanks for telling me.  I don't know why I asked I guess like you said
just too damned curious."  He just laughed at me.

	"Yes, you are, but it just one of things that makes you as special
as you are."  God why did he have to say things like this.  It's almost as
if he was subliminally telling me that he was in love with me too.  But I
couldn't think like that. Because I know that's one thing this man is not.
Well 2 things.  He's not gay, and he's not in love with his own son.  But
at the same time, there was one thing he said earlier that kept repeating
in my head. "...It' isn't the worst thing in the world to think outside the
box."  Was I reading him wrong? Was there actually a chance here?



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