Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2024 10:55:02 -0600 From: Mitchel Subject: True Love Knows No Bounds-II True Love Knows no Bounds – Part II Please consider donating to the Nifty organization. After that conversation, my head was absolutely swirling with thoughts and possibilities and plans of what I was going to do next if anything. It had gotten to the point where I could think of nothing else, and I was losing concentration on anything that I did to the point that the wrestling coach pulled me aside after one of my matches and said, "What the fuck is going on with you lately? You've lost the last 2 matches. It's as if you're not even here what's wrong? Do you need help or something?" I just laughed to myself, `do I need help'. Yea I need help alright, probably a psychiatric evaluation. But I just responded with "Sorry coach, I'm fine, I just have a lot on my mind. I promise I'll get back on my game." "Alright, well if you need anything just let me know. You're the best on the team we can't have you faltering we need you." I just nodded, and he walked away. OK now I knew I was in trouble, I was faltering on my game, the issue with my father was overtaking everything. I had to do something I didn't know what but something to get this under control otherwise I was going to be fucked royally. Because not only was I screwing up wrestling, I also had my finals and and if those didn't pan out well-being able to go to the college in 3 months wasn't going to happen. And the 2 schools that I was accepted to would both revoke the acceptance. And I wasn't going to let that happen. The question was, what do I do? And then that statement of `Think outside the box.." kept popping into my head. And I thought, fuck it. I'm just going to tell him flat out. So, after a good long work out at the gym, sweating out as much stress as I could and also coming up with the best possible way to pose this to him I came to the conclusion that I was going to do it just like I did earlier, when we would go on our Saturday afternoon outings just shooting the shit. I would start off telling him about my plans for college and the universities that I was going to apply to, where my hopes were and what my expectations were, and also what his thoughts were on my decisions. And then finally just come out with it and see where it goes. It could blow up in my face or my dreams could come true. It was going to be a total crap shoot. But I had to do it. As we were walking through Central Park on Saturday I finally took a deep breath and started talking. "Dad, you know there's something that I've been wanting to tell you. I've been wrestling with it for some time now and trying to fight it and find any way on earth to stop it but I can't do it anymore." "Joe what on earth could it be? And why didn't you just come to me to begin with so we could work it out?" "Well, the reason that I couldn't come to you about it is because it has to do with you." Now I could see that I really had his attention. He narrowed his eyes to look into me. I hated that he could do that. It was if he was able to read my mind. "Go on." "Dad..I know we talked about me being gay a while back and you're fine with it I'm fine with it. The thing is, what I don't know if you're going to be fine with is the real underlying reason that I never go out on any dates or even look to do so. It's because I've already found the person that I want to be with." "So, what does that have to do with me. You know I would approve of anyone unless he was an absolute ass, I trust your judgement completely." I was hoping that he would put two and two together, but I guess not. "Dad the person that I want to be with and that I recently realized that I have already fallen in love with is you." Well, that was a conversation stopper. He just stood there and stared at me. I was trying to read him and see where his mind was. But I couldn't, it was almost as if a wall had suddenly gone up. He then just turned the other way, "Joeseph, I don't know what to say to that." "How about I love you too?" "Nice try. But it doesn't work that way. I'm not the person you're supposed to fall in love with. For one I'm much older than you and two, I'm your father. This does not happen." "But Dad, don't you get it? Those are even more powerful reasons for the way that I love you. Don't you think I've already gone through the period of calling myself the sickest bastard in the world, and a pervert and a whole slew of other things? Don't you think that I've tried to fight and say this is wrong and can't possibly be? I've been down that road longer than I can even remember. There is no one else for me but you." I had tears in my eyes at this point..I was pouring my heart to him and he was just tossing me aside. "No. I'm not gay and I'm your father. This doesn't happen between us period." "I thought you knew me so well. We have such a special connection. You just told me the other day that `I should think outside the box'. This IS outside the box. I love you so much. I know you better than anyone else including mom. And you're just going to throw me to the wayside?" "I'm not throwing you to the wayside. I'm protecting you from what would be absolute and total disaster." "You know what Dad. You may put a wall up and you may be telling me no, but I'm looking at you. Into you. I see your soul I see, and I know who you are and how you feel. You and Mom barely talk to each other. You spend more time with me than you do with anyone else. You do things for me just like I do for you that only two people who are in love with each other do. I can't sit here anymore and deny it. Maybe you can. But I can't." "I know this hurts but it just wouldn't work. Even if all you say is true. I do love you Joseph more than you could ever imagine. Just like I told you the other day. Having a son like you that I could connect with is the reason that I wanted kids to begin with. And as a father and your best friend, I can't allow any relationship like this to exist. It's wrong. It's dangerous. It's-" I just cut him off "Its so Bull Shit! Everything is EXACTLY why we should be together. I don't know what's going on in your head right now. But you should go look in the mirror and think about what you just said to me as an attorney. You just made your case, and quite clearly as to why we SHOULD be together. You want to protect me? How better to protect me than being partner in life and being with me for good? Wanting someone that you could connect with like no other? You've already done that with me. We are best friends what more could you fucking ask for? Is mom your best friend? NO. Does she know your favorite food? Your favorite color? Hell does she even know where in the city you work? I'll make a fair bet that the answer to every one of those questions is NO." "But Joe this is different – this is." "You know what Dad. I was going to wait to tell you something until we had dinner tonight. But I think we should cancel dinner tonight. I can't go on like this anymore. I have poured my heart out to you, hoping that you being my best friend and us knowing each other so well that I would be able to at the very least have you consider this but. Clearly I was wrong. What I was going to tell you tonight was whether or not I had gotten in to my 2 most wanted colleges – Standford and NYU. And I had already made up my mind that I was going to go to NYU to stay here close to you. But I think after this discussion, that would be a major mistake. I am going to choose Stanford instead of NYU." That threw him for a loop. "But that's over 3000 miles away. We'd never get to see each other." "Exactly. Dad, I love you more than you could ever imagine. I hate the fact that my so called mother gets to share the bed with you and I don't. Infact it's painful knowing that fact. I'm tired of being in pain, tired of fighting. Tired of wanting. Truthfully – I know there will never be anyone else but you. If you hold true to what you are saying, then I can assure you here and now, I will be alone for the rest of my life. And I'm OK with that, because even under all that denial, and protest, I do know that you love me and if you'd just finally admit it, you would know what true happiness is. But only you can do that. You will always know where I am, always know how to contact me, I will NEVER ever turn you away regardless of the circumstances. But as it stands now, I think I do need some space." And with that I just turned and walked away leaving him standing there in the middle of the park. Saying all of that took everything that I had. I had no energy; I didn't even feel like I had a voice left. I couldn't understand why I had been so wrong about this. I thought that at the very least he would have brought himself to think about it. I was prepared for the initial no or you need to find someone your own age. But this outright, repeated steadfast no – that I did not expect. The entire thing just blew up in my face. Maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. After that Saturday it was clear that the relationship between my father and myself changed drastically. We weren't spending as much time together as we used to, our exchanges and discussions were much fewer than they used to be. He seemed to bury himself in his work even more than ever before. I tried a few times to at least get back to where we were, but it was clear that was no longer going to be. It was painful, and gut wrenching, especially knowing the fact that it was me who caused this rift between us. But there was nothing I could do. I tried and failed. And failure was not something that I dealt with well. I even thought of killing myself a few times to take away the pain but then realized that would cause him more than me and I was not willing to be the cause of anymore issues. Now this is not to say that he completely ignored me, or we didn't spend any time together. But it wasn't the same, it became more of father and son spending time together rather than best friends spending time together. The conversations had a different tone to them, and our times on the weekend were no longer ever definite. When I tried to go up to his office during the week to have lunch he never used to turn me away or would always put his calls on hold, now it was either he had a meeting or they'd get cut short. It was pretty clear that he now wanted nothing more than just father and son. So the dye was cast as they say, I was going to graduate high school and then go off to college in the fall and away from my father. I wouldn't have to see him go to bed with my mother, hear him on the phone, see him in the house or even pass his office building anymore. I was going to move 3000 miles away and start a whole new life in college. Meet new people, be involved in different activities, make new friends. Who knows, maybe I could move past him and start over. But somehow in the pit of my stomach, I knew life was not that simple. Comments welcome at awriter3827@gmail.com **I know this is a slow burn story but, if you're a true romantic..stick with it**