Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2024 11:08:56 -0600 From: Mitchel Subject: True Love knows no Bounds Part III True Love Knows no Bounds – Part III Please consider donating to the Nifty organization. We went on as father and son, spent time together as father and son. Up to the point that I graduated from high school. It was there that we turned another corner. I had initially intended on starting college in the fall semester at Stanford – but in the days and weeks that led up to graduation, it became more and more painful for me to be around him. In addition to the fact that my jealousy of my mother and even his co-workers was continuing to increase to a point where I was cursing during the day and then crying myself to sleep every night because I did what I thought was the right move and instead it just blew up in my face. And made things ten times worse. At the last minute I changed my plans and decided that I was actually going to make my move out to California right after graduation and start school in the summer semester instead of the fall. When I told my father that I had made that decision, he once again just looked at me with a long face and said, "But that means your leaving and we won't have the Summer like we had planned." I just laughed to myself. "Dad, tell me something, have you changed your mind as to how you feel towards me? Haven't you noticed that you have buried yourself in your work, and we now barely spend anytime with each other as it is." "Yes we do we spend our weekends and have lunch-" "No Dad, you know what I mean. Nothing is the same anymore. And I know that is something that I caused, and I am responsible for. I have come to terms with that on my end. But you know it's true. Nothing is the same anymore. And to be quite frank, it's just too damned painful for me to sit by and watch you go on with your life as if everything is OK. And maybe for you it is. But for me? No. I can't do it anymore." "I know that you are hurt. But what I said to you is the truth. That type of relationship just can't happen between us. I'm sorry. I love you to death, but it's not right and just wouldn't work." "Well, there you go. You just made my point. In your twisted head you love me to death but it's not right and wouldn't work. Well then, this situation doesn't work for me anymore either. But I know what is true. I know that it would work. I know that it is right. And when you wake up and realize that you will know where to find me." A week after that conversation I graduated from high school and started packing up my things to move out to California to start out at Stanford and maybe be able to restart my life too. I was originally going to drive so I'd have my car but changed my mind again and just decided to fly out there and if I needed a car, I'd get one out there. That fateful day that I was to leave my dad said he would drive me to the airport himself, told my mother not to come. When I heard that, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe he was changing his mind. It's funny, I thought to myself, would I change my mind about leaving early if he asked me to? The simple answer was yes. The realistic answer was no – not unless he was going to change his mind. I guess one thing that could be said about us was that we were both very stubborn people. As we sat in the car driving to the airport, I didn't even give him a chance to speak. I wanted to know his reasoning. "So, tell me now why you told mom to stay home and you just wanted to take me yourself?" "Well for your information Smartass, I did it because I wanted to apologize, and she did not need to be here to see or hear that. And secondly, she doesn't need to know anything else that I have to say." Now I was really getting nervous. Maybe he was going to come around. "Joseph, I want to apologize for the way that I have been treating you. I miss everything that we had just as much as I know that you do." "Why are you sorry dad? It never had to happen to begin with. I know what I said and how I felt was a shocker and did not sit well with you but you did not have to shut me out the way that you did. So why are you sorry?" "Joe shut up and let me finish. Joe, I'm sorry because I can't be what you want me to be. I've thought a lot about it, and it just wouldn't work. But I still want to be your best friend. I still want to be able to talk like we used to. And I'm so proud of you for getting into such a good school but I'm also going to miss the hell out of you being gone across the country for so long." "Dad what the fuck do you want from me? I tried to put it back together. I tried to have what we had. YOU pushed me away! Not the other way around. We've already had this discussion. It's the reason I'm leaving now and not in September. I can't fucking deal with this anymore. I mean be honest, what was the purpose of this?" He just sat there in silence. "Look, like I've told you a hundred times already, you already know how I feel and what I think about you. You're a rich man, you have the ability to travel and work from wherever you want. You could very easily transfer out to California." "Joe, you know I can't do that. I'm married to your mother." "Some marriage. The two of you barely speak to each other. And I would make a fair bet you certainly aren't being intimate with each other. So, I wouldn't call that much of a marriage. But that's just my opinion. Look, you'll always know where I am. You'll always know how to get to me." He just sat there with tears in his eyes. I'd finally hit a chord in him he was facing reality. Hated to hear it but he knew I was right. "We're here." I just looked at him and then looked at the airport terminal. "Dad, I love you more than you could even comprehend. If you even for a second would open your eyes and your heart and let someone in who truly does love you and want you, I think you'd be a lot happier." And I just got out of the car and went to open the trunk to get my stuff out to head into the terminal. As I closed the trunk of the car, he was there standing in front of me. It has been a while since we've looked into each other's eyes like this. Looked into each other's souls. "Joeseph, I love you so much and I know that you are going to do well in school and in life. I think that I have given you every possible tool and piece of advice that I could. Not that you needed it. It's your turn now go ahead and take the world by storm just like I know you can. We'll see each other soon enough. I promise that I will come out to visit when I can, and you'll be home during the holidays. I promise you it won't be as bad as you think." And he just tightly wrapped his arms around me. I had tears streaming down my face. It felt as if a knife had just been jammed into my heart. Maybe I really did have him pegged wrong. Maybe he truly couldn't or didn't want to love me the way that I thought he could. Because from what he just said it sounds like that final nail being hammered into the coffin. All I could say back to that was, "I love you too Dad, and I do hope that you come to visit. I still want you to be as much a part of life as you always have been. I love you." What more could be said at that point? He released me from his arms, and we looked into each other's eyes one more time in silence before I just turned and walked into the terminal to go and check-in for my flight. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. I felt as if a part of me had just been torn away. I wanted to believe that he would come to visit like he said he would. I wanted to believe that we were going to remain a true part of each other's lives like we had for the last 15 years, but I was smart enough to know that would not be the case. Sitting on the plane looking out the window, from the angle that the plane was, I could see the city skyline, and the walk along the FDR drive that we used to just walk up and down and talk. As the plane pushed back and taxied towards the runway, the true realization hit me that I really was leaving that life behind. It was time to restart. It was clear my father didn't want a couple's relationship with me, it didn't even seem like he wanted the friendship anymore. He said he did, but actions speak much louder than words. And his actions proved his statements that it was time for me to move on. The thing is, I don't think he realized nor did I at the time, understand what moving on really meant. The tears continued to flow from my eyes as the plane took off, I quietly blew a kiss out the window and whispered, "I love you dad" and just closed my eyes as the plane headed towards what was going to become my new life. Maybe it would be a better one without pain, and despair. But I knew myself well enough that I wouldn't' be able to let it go that easily. Comments welcome at awriter3827@gmail.com