Date: Wed, 20 Jan 2021 02:19:37 +0000 (UTC)
From: "nilcono@yahoo.com" <nilcono@yahoo.com>
Subject: Visiting My Brother at College part 10

I lay in bed for I don't know how long, maybe five minutes, maybe thirty,
feeling too embarrassed to even open my eyes, but I know I can't stay here
forever. I have to leave the room at some point. So eventually I force
myself out of bed, wipe myself and then my dildo down with an old shirt
from my hamper, and pull my clothes back on. I take a moment to look in the
mirror hanging from the door before leaving my room. My face is still
flushed, but I don't think that's going to go away for awhile, and
otherwise I look fairly normal. Not that what I look like now is going to
erase what I looked like before.

I step out into the hallway and slowly head toward the front of the
house. As I reach the entryway I hear Dad call from the basement. "Devin,
come here. We need to talk." Sighing and balling my hands into fists, I
make my way to the stairs and slowly trudge down them to face what is bound
to be the most awkward conversation of my life.

In the basement I find Dad sitting on the couch facing the TV, which is on
some sports channel but muted. The basement is a large, open space, with
the couch and a couple of lounge chairs in a semi-circle around the big TV
in one corner, some weights and a bench in another, an air hockey table and
dart board in a third, and in the final corner several stacks of servers
and a chaotic network of cords which no one but Dad is allowed to touch. I
make my way over to the nearest lounge chair and sit with my hands in my
lap and head down.

"Devin," Dad says, and clears his throat. He looks almost as uncomfortable
as me, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, rubbing his hands on his thighs and
looking at the TV even as he talks to me. "So, the first thing I need to
ask, is... well... were you doing, uh, that, for a particular person or for
the whole internet?"

I finally look at him. "Umm, for... Toby," I lie. "Video chat."

Dad lets out a heavy breath. "Okay, good. Good." He shakes his head. "Well,
not good, but better." He shifts to look at me, his grey eyes
serious. "Devin, you're old enough to make your own decisions about sex,
but you're still only seventeen, and when it comes to the internet things
are very different. That means Toby could be in serious trouble for
receiving anything from you involving sex or nudity."

"Shit," I mutter, looking down again. I didn't think of that at all.

"Also, Toby may seem like a nice guy," Dad continues, "but you haven't
known him that long. So I have to ask you, do you really, really trust him?
Are you absolutely certain he wouldn't make recordings of you?"

I blush, and while I don't know for sure about Toby, I think he
wouldn't. More importantly, I know Reed wouldn't. "Yes. I'm sure," I say.

"Good," Dad nods. "Okay. So, I'm sorry I walked in on you. I should have
respected your privacy more and not just barged in. But I also need you to
promise me you won't do anything like that again. Not before you're
eighteen at least, and even then you need to be very careful about who you
trust and what you're sharing. Okay?"

"Yeah. I promise," I say. I mean, I would promise anything just to get this
conversation over with, but he's right. God only knows what would happen if
someone found evidence of my chat with Reed. "I'm sorry you had to see me
like that."

Dad nods and looks back at the TV, but I think I see him blushing a
little. "Well, I can't say I ever expected to see my kid in a position like
that," he chuckles. "But, you're growing up. Nearly an adult now. What you
do in private is your business, as long as you're safe."

I nod and fidget with my hands in my lap, but don't say anything. Dad is
also silent for several seconds, staring at the TV, though I don't think
he's actually following the baseball game. The Mariners aren't in the
playoffs, as usual, and he doesn't really care about any other teams.

"Honestly, Dev," he says eventually, "I know you're a sexual being, like
anyone else, and I'm glad you're getting to explore that while you're
young." He pauses again and glances at me. "Is Toby your
first... boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," I say automatically, then shake my head. "Or, I
don't know. But he's not my first... whatever."

"Oh. Who... how many... no, nevermind. That's your business," Dad says,
running a hand through his hair. "But, it's good that you're having fun
while you can. I wish I'd had more fun when I was your age."

I snort and roll my eyes. "Please, Dad, I'm sure you got plenty of action."

Now Dad blushes. "A nerd like me? No, I was..." He pauses and
chuckles. "Well, your mother was my first. And only."

I just stare. I know the story of how my parents met, of course. They were
both freshmen in college when they took a physics course together and were
paired up as lab partners. They bonded over their shared hatred of the
subject, started dating, and never stopped. Mom was pregnant with Reed by
the time they graduated, and they married that Summer. Dad worked from
home, starting a web-hosting business in the early days of the internet and
raising the baby, while Mom went to Grad School, and then I came along two
years later. So I knew they met young, but...

"Seriously?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. I mean, Dad's hot, it's hard to
believe he's only ever been with one person. He definitely could have
gotten laid a lot more. He still could. I mean, I'm glad he hasn't cheated
on Mom, and I'm not going to examine too closely why the thought of him
getting laid makes my groin twitch, it's just a little surprising.

"Hey," he says defensively, "I met the love of my life early. I was very
lucky."

"I mean, yeah, but I..." I cut myself off. I can't imagine waiting that
long to have sex, much less having sex with only one person my whole
life. The four months between Ryan and Reed was torture, so much so that I
was horny enough to fuck my own brother, and Ryan was far from my
first. But then again, if Ben had wanted me when I came out to him at
thirteen, would I have ever needed anyone else? Or if I could have Reed,
now... "I guess that's sweet," I finally say.

"Yeah," Dad nods slowly and looks back at me with a smile. "Anyway, the
reason I barged into your room in the first place..." He grins and I can't
help but grin a little too, even as my face heats. "I wanted to see what
you want for dinner. I don't feel like cooking tonight so I was going to
order delivery."

"Uh, you know I'll say Thai."

"Thai it is. I'll place an order and hopefully it'll be here by the time
your mom gets home," Dad says, pulling out his phone.

"Okay," I say, getting up and heading toward the stairs. I pause and turn
back. "Dad, you don't have to tell Mom about... you know... do you?"

He looks up and rubs his chin with a small smile. "I think we can keep it
between us for now. It'll be good to have some blackmail material for the
future."

I laugh and shake my head. "Okay, thanks."

I go back to my room and spend the next thirty minutes working on homework,
until Dad calls me to dinner. The meal passes without too much awkwardness,
and for once it's nice that Mom and Dad don't expect me to say much, though
I find myself looking back and forth between them, thinking about their
relationship. I know they love each other, but they spend so little time
together, and to think that this might be all they've ever known, it makes
me a little sad.

After dinner I send Reed a text letting him know I'm still alive, and
saying again that I miss him, which he responds to with, "Good, I'd be very
sad if you died because of my dick." I also text with Toby for awhile
before bed, talking about his upcoming visit. He says he's spending
tomorrow night at his mom's place, about thirty minutes from here in
another of Seattle's suburbs, but he'll be here Saturday afternoon. I
manage to fall asleep surprisingly content, given the horror of being
caught earlier.

Friday is maybe the first day of the week that feels sort of normal. I've
adjusted to my new reality, I guess, and I no longer have the stress of
wondering where I stand with Reed. I'm sure there will be other struggles,
but for now we're okay, I think.

At lunch my friends and I talk about our plans for the weekend. Despite my
protests, they all insist on gaming at my house tomorrow. They make some
flimsy excuses about the big basement, and how Geoff hosted last week, but
I'm sure they just want to meet Toby. I don't know why I don't want
that. Maybe I want to keep those worlds separate for now. Maybe it just
seems so serious, the new guy meeting my best friends. I reassure myself
that it will be fine, though. Toby's great, they'll love him. Although
maybe that's what I'm afraid of.

After school I try to rush through the weekend's homework so I don't have
to worry about it tomorrow. I probably don't do my best work, but I don't
particularly care. I have a 3.9 GPA (thank you Mr. Green for that B- in 9th
grade geometry) and it's my last year, I can afford to slack off a little.

I eat dinner with my parents, and Mom peppers me with questions about Toby
for which, I'm ashamed to say, I only know the answers to about half. It
reminds me how new this is. I know he has a sister, but I don't know her
age. I don't know anything about his parents other than where his mom lives
and that his dad is from Montreal. I don't know where he went to High
School, what he plans on doing with his degree (although I still picture
him as a sexy professor), or... much of anything, really. I know I like
him, and I want to know the rest. And Mom makes me promise to get the
answers I don't have, so I guess I'll know more soon.

Reed calls me while I'm lying in bed reading. He asks how I'm feeling after
yesterday, and I tell him I'm fine, and he reiterates that he's sorry he
was distant. I mention my talk with Dad, and reluctantly say we can't have
cam sex again, which disappoints him, but he understands.

Then we just talk. For hours. And, like, we've talked before, of
course. We're brothers and we've always gotten along. But this is
different. He tells me about his day, and his classes, how he feels about
school in general. We talk about the pressure to get a useful degree, and
how it's been different for both of us, because he genuinely loves math. We
talk about our friends, and we joke, and we flirt, and it's all just so
shockingly new. I know my brother Reed, but I feel like I'm getting to know
him now as something else. It feels like I imagine talking to a boyfriend
would feel, and I let myself just sink into that fantasy for the night. I
don't mention Toby's visit, because if Reed is my boyfriend then there's no
room for Toby.

"Babe, are you still there?" Reed asks softly. I open my eyes and glance at
the phone screen to see the time. It's almost midnight.

"Mm, yeah. Were you saying something?" I yawn.

Reed chuckles. "Just that I should let you sleep, but it sounds like you
didn't wait for permission."

"Sorry, I'm just so relaxed," I murmur, my eyes drooping shut again. "You
don't have to go."

"I kind of do. I've been hiding out in a study room at the library so I
wouldn't have to talk around Eric, but the library's closing."

The fantasy recedes a bit. "I don't wanna hide," I sigh.

Reed is silent for a long time, and I open my eyes to make sure the call is
still connected. Eventually he says, "I know, babe. I wish..." He
pauses. "I love you, okay? Sleep well."

"Love you," I whisper. I don't end the call, but I assume Reed will. I'm
nearly asleep when my phone beeps to let me know he finally has, and I
drift off for good not long after.

I sleep in on Saturday, until I'm woken up by Ben jumping on my bed and
ruffling my hair.

"Stooop," I groan. I know my hair was probably already a mess, but it
doesn't need Ben's help with that. I know it's him without opening my eyes,
this is far from the first time he's done this. I flail my arms to protect
my head, and he laughs.

"Come on, it's almost noon," he says, poking me in the ribs. "I brought you
coffee."

I open my eyes to see him lying on his side, propped on one elbow, grinning
at me, and I smile back, enjoying the sight. I'm suddenly all too aware
that I'm only wearing boxers, and if I stand up he's going to see quite a
tent. I scoot up to sit back against my headboard, and hold the covers
bunched up in my lap. Ben twists around to sit next to me, our shoulders
touching.

"Where's my coffee?" I demand, poking him back.

"Here," he says, grabbing a bottled Frappuccino from one of the pockets of
his cargo shorts and passing it to me. I twist it open and chug half.

"Erica and Geoff are gonna be here in like half an hour," Ben says, while I
drink my coffee and try to fully wake up. "They're bringing donuts." My
stomach growls and Ben laughs.

"I should shower," I say, rubbing my eyes with one hand.

He sniffs and says, "Yeah." I slap the back of his head, making him laugh
again and throw an arm across my shoulders. "Hey, I don't mind, but I
assume you want to be fresh for Tommy."

"Toby," I grunt. His arm is not helping my morning wood. "You know his name
is Toby."

"Hmm," he says, rubbing his chin in mock concentration. "What color is his
hair?"

"Black."

He snorts. "Well, I can't call him 'the blackhead' unless he turns out to
be a real slimeball."

I roll my eyes. "Give him a chance before you start giving him nicknames."

"Maybe Frenchie," Ben says, ignoring me. "Or Francois. That's a good one."

"He's half-Irish," I point out.

"All the good Irish nicknames are kinda racist," he shrugs.

"I don't think Irish is a race," I say.

"You know what I mean."

I sigh. "Just be nice to him, okay?"

"I'll be as nice as he deserves," Ben says. "Now, didn't you want a shower?
You should go do that. I'll wait." He makes a point of removing his arm
from my shoulders, turning to face me, and crossing his legs.

"Umm..." I hesitate, and he grins.

"Go on. Stand up."

"Fine, asshole," I groan, and throw my blankets off my lap. I stand up and
shake my hips, making my boner swing back and forth lewdly under my
boxers. Ben cracks up and falls back on the bed. "Happy now? Is this what
you wanted to see?"

"Hahaha, enjoy your shower!" He cries, still rolling on my bed and
laughing. I'm tempted to jump on top of him, but I don't know how much of
that is wanting to annoy him, and how much is wanting to rub against
him. Instead I just grumble and grab some clean clothes before heading to
the bathroom.

We went through puberty together so it's far from the first time he's ever
seen me hard, but it's still embarrassing. And frustrating, since he's been
the cause of it so often, and yet he doesn't think of me sexually at
all. At least I've also seen enough of him to fuel some fantasies.

I take a long shower, even though I clean myself quickly. Most of the time
is dedicated to fantasizing an alternate beginning to the day, in which Ben
wants to see my hard-on for much more satisfying reasons, and ends with me
scraping jizz down the drain with my toe. I spend a few minutes trying to
make my hair behave, and spray on a little cologne. Well, perfume
actually. Honestly, it's probably the stereotypically gayest thing about
me, but I found this perfume that smells amazing, like vanilla and almonds,
and even though it's made for women, I still use it. Because, I mean, if
people call me gay for wearing perfume, so what? I am.

When I get back to my room, Ben is sprawled out on his back on my bed with
his eyes closed. I take a moment just to appreciate the view. He's wearing
a blue plaid and cargo shorts, but the shirt is pulled up revealing a
delicious stretch of his tight tanned abs and the waistband of his
boxers. I only stare for a second though, before jumping on the bed next to
him and ruffling his hair, paying him back for earlier.

Unfortunately he's stronger than me and has longer arms, so without even
opening his eyes he's able to capture both of my wrists in his hands and
pull me on top of him. "Mm, you smell good," he laughs. Okay, so maybe part
of why I use that perfume is because Ben loves it.

I don't let myself enjoy the position for long before I roll over and pull
us both out of bed and onto the floor. Ben lets out a yelp when he hits the
ground and lets me go, then we both scramble up. We face off for a few
seconds in silence, both breathing heavily, and then I hear the front door
open and Geoff yells out, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" Ben gives me a last
crooked-tooth grin before we both walk out to meet the other two.

Geoff and Erica are standing in the entryway, Geoff holding a box of donuts
and a drink-holder with four iced coffees while Erica kneels down and
unties his shoes for him, letting him kick them off. "Hey guys," Geoff
says, "I brought the sugar and caffeine. You ready?"

We spend the next four hours playing various games, starting with 2v2 RTS
games on our laptops, then moving on to various console games on the big
screen. We're taking turns on the latest Assassin's Creed when the doorbell
rings.

"Fuck," I say, jumping up. "Do I look okay? How's my hair?"

"You look great," Erica says without looking, waving a hand dismissively.

I shake my head and run up the stairs, then throw open the door. Toby's
waiting there smiling, and God does he look good. He's wearing a green
button-up that matches his eyes and brown corduroys with a backpack over
one shoulder, and he's holding a bouquet of blue tulips.

"Hey," he says as he steps in and lays his free hand on my hip. "I brought
you flowers."

"Yeah," I say, because I'm an idiot and don't know what else to say to
that. No one's given me flowers before. "I mean, thank you. They're, uh,
beautiful."

Toby gives me a soft half-smile. "They made me think of your eyes," he
says, stepping closer and pressing his lips to mine gently. I close my eyes
and relax into the kiss, and after a few seconds he pulls back. "It's nice
to see you," he grins.

"Yeah," I say again, because I'm still a fucking idiot. "I mean, it's nice
to see you too. Come... in. You're already inside. Shit, let me put those
flowers in a vase or something."

Toby just chuckles and takes his shoes off while I run to grab an empty
vase from the living room, fill it with water, set the tulips in it, and
place it on the dining room table. He's still standing there waiting by the
door when I finish, though he's dropped his backpack by his shoes.

"Sorry, I'm nervous," I huff, walking up and taking his hand. "Come on,
we're playing games downstairs. Erica's probably going to be a perv, and
Ben might call you Tommy or generally be a dick, but I promise they're good
people."

"Is that Toby?" Dad calls from upstairs, before appearing at the top of the
steps in his usual sweatpants and t-shirt.

"Hi Gavin," Toby says with a wave. "Thanks for letting me stay tonight, I
really appreciate it."

"Of course, any friend of Devin's is welcome here," Dad says. "I'm making a
vegetarian lasagna for dinner, it'll probably be ready in around two
hours."

"Thanks, Gavin, that sounds great," Toby says, offering up one of his
perfect model smiles.

"Okay, you boys have fun until then. Devin, tell the gang they're welcome
to stay for dinner too."

"Yes, Dad," I say, tugging Toby toward the basement.

As we're going down, Toby leans in and whispers, "You're cute when you're
nervous." So of course I'm blushing like crazy when we get to the bottom.

"Oo, you're even hotter in person," Erica squeals as soon as we
arrive. "How big is your dick?"

I groan and put my face in my hands. "Toby, meet Erica, Geoff, and
Ben. Guys, this it Toby," I mumble.

"Nice to meet you all," Toby laughs. "And it's tiny. You'd need a
magnifying glass to find it."

I shuffle over to the couch and sit down, dragging Toby with me. Fucking
Erica.

"So," Ben says slowly, leaning forward in his seat and staring at Toby with
a blank face. "You're the new guy."

"That's me," Toby smiles. "The factory actually finished me last week, just
for Devin."

I chuckle at that, but Ben just nods. "You're bi?" He asks.

"Something like that," Toby shrugs.

"But you date girls," Ben states.

"I date people," Toby says, squeezing my hand. "But only one at a time."

Ben seems to think that over for awhile, not taking his eyes off Toby but
scrunching his eyebrows. He opens his mouth to speak again. "Well, this
interrogation sure has been fun, but maybe we could drop it and never do it
again," I interrupt. Ben finally glances at me, blushes a little and sits
back in his chair.

"You play Assassin's Creed?" Geoff asks, earning a promotion to favorite
friend. "Want a turn?"

"I've played a little," Toby says. "I like the focus on history, even if
it's not totally accurate. But you go ahead, I'll just watch." He lets go
of my hand to put his arm around my shoulders, and I instinctively scoot
into his side. It's nice to have a warm body I can press into without
worrying about anything.

Geoff shrugs and takes a sip of his iced coffee, then unpauses the game and
gets back to jumping between rooftops. Ben drums his fingers on his legs
and tilts his head at Toby.

"So Tommy," Ben starts, and Toby and I both crack up, making him frown.

"I already warned him about nicknames, Benji," I chuckle.

Ben rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, then turns slightly to face the TV
and pouts.

"How did you two meet?" Erica asks, crossing her legs and turning on the
couch to face us. "Devin would hardly tell us anything."

"Well," Toby says, stroking my arm. "I saw him walking across the quad with
Reed, and he was the cutest thing I'd ever seen, and then he proceeded to
ogle me for an hour while I played frisbee, so later that night, after
staring at him from across the living room at a party for ages, I got him
drunk and flirted with him about Chinese history. I failed miserably,
almost apocalyptically based on the way he stormed out, but the next day,
lucky for me, he gave me another chance."

"Aww, how sweet," Erica coos. Ben shrugs and pretends to still be watching
Geoff play, but he seems to relax a little. "When was that picture taken?"

"That second night, at my friend's apartment," Toby grins, squeezing me a
little. "Dev was very cuddly that night, and I was happy to keep him
close."

"You don't mind that your friends probably think you're gay now?" Ben asks,
glancing over.

Toby just laughs for a second, then says, "Anyone who would care isn't my
friend."

Ben grunts, but he seems satisfied, because he stops being such a dick. He
doesn't suddenly turn friendly, but he does stop glaring and asking pointed
questions. He takes a turn at the game while Geoff comes and sits between
Erica and Toby, putting a hand on her leg as if to remind her she has a
boyfriend. The next hour or so passes without much tension, just a lot of
idle chatting while Toby holds me.

I invite the guys to stay for dinner, but they decline. Geoff and Erica
have a date night planned, and Ben just glances between me and Toby and
says, "Not tonight." So Toby and I end up sitting alone in the basement,
with the TV playing some comedy special.

Toby turns to me and nuzzles my hair for a second before placing a kiss on
my temple. "I don't think Ben likes me much," he murmurs into my skin.

I lean into him, twisting and turning my head to face him, his lips
hovering a few inches from my own. I can't resist reaching for them and
drawing him into a quick kiss, which turns long and lingering. "He's just
protective," I say several moments later.

"Or jealous," Toby says.

"No," I shake my head and chuckle at the thought. "He just thinks you want
to use me like all the others."

Toby frowns a little, his eyebrows scrunching together, then presses our
foreheads together. "I don't," he whispers.

"I know," I sigh. "He'll get past it."

"Devin, you know I-" Toby starts, but is interrupted by my dad calling down
that dinner is ready. Toby rolls his eyes and kisses me again, gripping the
back of my head. "Come on. I've been smelling cheese and sauce for an
hour," he says, taking my hand and pulling me up.

Dad has set the dining room table with the nice plates, and both facts are
pretty unusual. The dining room table is huge, it seats like twelve, so we
normally eat in the kitchen with ordinary plates, but I guess the first
time I bring a boy home is a special occasion. He's set the three places at
one end, with the flowers Toby brought between them, so at least it won't
be like one of those scenes in a movie where people sit ten feet apart at a
long, empty table.

Dad's already sitting at the head of the table, serving lasagna from a
casserole dish onto our plates, which already have garlic bread and a small
salad. "Dev, Toby, grab a seat," he says, gesturing to the chairs on either
side. "I hope everything tastes okay, I'm not really used to cooking for
vegetarians."

"I'm sure it will be delicious, Gavin," Toby says graciously, pulling out a
chair for me with a wink before taking his own seat. "I appreciate you
trying, not everyone even bothers."

"Well, I'm just glad Devin finally has a nice boyfriend to bring
home. Katrina would have loved to be here to meet you too, but she had a
work trip," Dad says, smiling. "Would you boys like some wine?"

"We're not boyfriends," I say automatically and blush. "But, yeah, sure."

Toby smiles tightly, and says, "I'll take some wine, thanks."

Dad pours us a glass each, which isn't that unusual. He's given me beer and
wine on special occasions since I turned sixteen. I fidget with the stem of
my glass and take a sip, glancing at Toby through my eyelashes. We're NOT
boyfriends, so I was just stating a fact, but maybe it sounded a little
harsh. Toby catches me looking and smirks.

Most of dinner passes with Dad asking Toby questions. I figure Toby must be
getting sick of the constant interview since he arrived here, but he's as
charming as ever, showing his perfect teeth, answering politely and
modestly with the occasional parent-friendly little joke. Dad seems
thrilled, grinning and focusing on Toby most of the dinner. I feel like a
bit of a bystander, but, well, Mom did want her list of questions answered.

So I learn that although Toby's mom lives in a suburb to the South, Toby
went to an all-boys Catholic high school in Seattle on a soccer
scholarship. His parents divorced about five years ago, and his Dad moved
back to Montreal where he has a new family, including Toby's baby
half-brother. His sister is fifteen and wants to be a social media
influencer, a fact he's not very fond of and hopes she'll grow out of, but
which he indulges for now. He shows us a TikTok video posted yesterday,
with the two of them doing some dance. It seems pretty stupid, but Toby's
wearing nothing but silky pajama pants and the way he moves is very
alluring, so I watch the whole thing, and subtly send myself the link to
watch it again in private.

"You know, we tried to get Devin to play soccer when he was younger," Dad
says, making me groan. Dad's on his second glass of wine now and gesturing
with his fork, his plate empty. "The kid could play FIFA games for hours,
and he had the build for it, he's a fast runner, but he complained
endlessly and quit after a year."

"It was so boring," I say, rolling my eyes. I hated it. It didn't help that
I wasn't very good at it, running around after the ball and rarely getting
to touch it. I'd much rather play a sports game than play a sport.

"Well, he seems pretty fit, anyway," Toby grins.

"You can thank Ben for that," Dad laughs. "If that boy didn't drag Dev out
hiking and swimming, he'd probably never get any exercise." I blush and
push some scraps of lasagna around my plate with my fork.

The most interesting thing I learn is about Toby's future plans. I was
almost right with "sexy professor."

"I'm not sure yet, but my plan is to teach English in China for a year
while I work on writing a book. After that, who knows," Toby smiles,
finishing his glass of wine.

Dad offers dessert, but Toby says he's full, and, well, after all the talk
of my lack of exercise I'm not going to eat it without him. So Dad says
he'll clean up, and tells us to have fun the rest of the night.

It's a relief to collapse onto my bed, and it feels even better when Toby
lies down next to me, his head resting next to mine.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I'm sure you didn't come here to answer questions all
night."

"I don't mind," Toby says. "It's nice just being here, and it's cool to
meet the people who love you."

"You did well," I sigh. "I think my Dad's ready to adopt you, and Erica
might want to marry you."

"And what about you?" Toby asks, rolling over on his side to face me and
resting his hand on my chest. I turn my head to meet his eyes. "Are you
glad I'm here?"

Something in his tone, in his eyes, confuses me, and I pause to think about
my answer, frowning. Toby doesn't give me much time to think though, before
closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to my shoulder with a groan, his
hand gripping my shirt.

"I'm sorry, I should have taken a hint, or two, or three, but I hoped if I
came here..." Toby mutters.

"Toby?" I ask. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm glad you're
here." I am. I... well, maybe I still wish Reed were here, but Toby's
amazing, and sweet, and beautiful, and he's here, and Reed's not.

"I really like you, Devin," Toby says slowly, face still hidden, hand still
clutching my shirt. "Really, really like you, in a maybe kinda crazy way,
since the first time we talked. And sometimes I feel like you feel the
same, but sometimes..." He trails off, and his hand releases my shirt but
doesn't leave my chest.

"You said this wasn't anything serious..." I start, but don't have anywhere
to go. I don't know what to do with his feelings. I don't know what I'm
supposed to say. Reed is the only one who has ever loved me, and he's Reed.

"Because you were freaking out, and instead of seeing the warning signs and
backing off I just wanted to take whatever you'd give me," he laughs
humorlessly, a tiny puff of air against my arm, then moves his head away
and looks back at me. His eyes are a little red and wet, and he sniffs
once. "I would be your boyfriend. Now. If you wanted that. If you wanted
me."

I roll over to face him properly, placing my hand on his cheek while his
hand slides to my ribs. Do I want that? Part of me is screaming yes, but I
don't know what's right. If Toby is my boyfriend then right away I'm
cheating on him, and I don't know if I can stop. But if I reject him, that
will hurt him too, and I can't go my whole life refusing to commit to
anyone, refusing to even try, all because part of my heart is already taken
by someone I can never completely have.

And maybe it's not even about committing to Toby, maybe I've just been
avoiding making a decision, any decision, about what I want, just waiting
in limbo for something to make the decision for me. But I'm starting to see
that inaction is a decision too, and the consequences are just as real. If
I don't choose to be with Toby, then I'm choosing not to be, the same way
not choosing to water a plant is choosing to let it die.

"Okay," I say softly after a long moment. I stroke his cheek with my thumb,
staring into the watery greens and golds of his eyes, made more vibrant by
his red-rimmed eyelids. I feel his cheek twitch, almost a smile but
restrained.

"Okay?" He asks, warily but tinged with hope.

"Okay, you're my boyfriend," I say, and my lips curl into a smile of their
own accord, as a tingle goes through my body saying the word aloud. Toby
smiles too, tentatively at first but slowly growing bigger.

"Yeah?" Toby asks, placing his own hand atop mine on his cheek. "You like
me too?"

I laugh, pressing forward to kiss him. I'm committed now. "Yeah. I really,
really like you too," I say, our lips still nearly touching. No more
holding back. "From the very start. I just... I don't know how to do this
sort of thing. But yeah, I do. I'm sorry I made you doubt it."

Toby's smile is nearly blinding now, his eyes scrunching up as he scoots
closer, pressing our chests together and wrapping his arm around my
back. "Fuck yeah," he laughs, and then his tongue is in my mouth, pressing
his claim, and I accept it gladly. I hitch one leg over his, pulling us
tighter together as I hold onto his face while he licks the inside of my
lips. I giggle, muffled, into his mouth, but kiss him back, tilting my head
slightly and chasing his tongue with my own.

He rolls us without pulling away, so that I'm on my back, our groins and
our chests pressed together. I lift my other leg and wrap both around his
ass, squeezing him closer and enjoying the delicious friction. My hands
roam his back, tugging slightly at the cloth and pulling his shirt loose
from his pants. For his part he just keeps ravaging my mouth, one hand on
the back of my head, the other under my back. And for the moment, I don't
need anything or anyone else. I just let go, and enjoy being so close to
him. To Toby, who really is amazing. Who I really do like. Who isn't Reed,
but right now... I don't care.

Toby eventually releases my lips and looks down at me, pupils blotting out
the color of his eyes and lips cherry red against his pale skin. A corner
of his mouth quirks up in a cocky smile, before he dives back in, skipping
over my lips this time to kiss my cheeks, and my chin, and my neck, biting
and sucking above my collarbone, marking me. I laugh and run a hand up the
back of his neck to play with his dark curls.

After long enough that I'm sure the hickey will be brightly visible for
days, he nuzzles into my jaw and whispers, "I want you inside me."

"You mean... me fuck you?" I ask, surprised. "I've never..."

"If you want to," he says, propping himself up so he can look me in the
eyes. He bites his lip. "You don't have to, I love fucking... I just, I
like that guys can fuck me too sometimes. And I really want to feel you."

Every guy I've been with has only wanted to top. Some of the "straight"
guys wouldn't even let me touch their ass. I've always been okay with that,
I like making guys feel good, being whatever they need me to be, and I love
how it feels when a guy takes me. But if it's what Toby needs me to be... I
feel my cock throb against his through our clothes... "Okay," I say. "I'll
try."

We stand up next to the bed to help each other strip. I chuckle as I undo
the buttons on Toby's shirt, slowly revealing his gorgeous body. "Yet again
you're wearing way too many buttons when I just want you naked," I tease
him.

"Unwrapping your presents is half the fun," he smirks, making me pause and
raise my arms to tug my shirt over my head. Then his hands are on my bare
skin, slipping under my waistband, and I close my eyes and lean into him,
pressing my lips to the flushed skin of his chest. I find a nipple and
latch onto it, licking and sucking as my fingers finish with the last of
his shirt buttons, move onto his pants button, and slide down his zipper.

I slip his shirt off his shoulders and push him back onto the bed to tug
his corduroys and boxer briefs down and off in one motion, then lift his
feet to pull his socks off. I stand and just take him in, this incredible
boy with his chiseled marble body, and his sexy smile, and I can't believe
he's mine, that he wants to mine, but the proof is jutting up proudly
between his spread legs, straight and hard and capped with a light pink
head. He lets me stare for few seconds, I think he enjoys the effect he has
on me, before sitting up and pulling my jeans down. I step out of them, and
slip off my boxers and socks on my own.

I step in and bend down to kiss him. His hand finds my cock and strokes it
a few times, making me gasp against his lips. "I don't think I can take
much foreplay," I warn him, and he nods.

"I don't need it," he says, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me
down to the bed with him, our legs tangling. "I just want you. I'm ready."

He says that, but I know better than to rush this, as much as I'm dying to
be inside him. I've never topped before, never really wanted to, but now
the thought of slipping into him is intoxicating. Still, I don't want to
hurt him, I want him to enjoy this too, so I take my time.

Taking my lube and a condom from my bedside table, I pour some lube into my
hand and lower it between Toby's legs. He spreads them for me, revealing an
opening as perfect as the rest of him, a soft pink hairless pucker. I press
my middle finger into it as I shift forward, sliding my knees under his
thighs, and bend down to kiss him, my cock lined up next to his as I push
my finger in.

He hums against my lips, his hand resting on the back of my neck as I slip
my finger all the way in. It's so warm, and so tight. I can't believe my
dick will fit in there, but as I add a second finger his ring seems to
bloom, welcoming it in, and he groans, pushing back against it and grinding
our cocks together. I finger him for a few minutes, twisting and teasing,
as he groans underneath me.

"Dev, I'm ready," he repeats, nipping at my lower lip, and I just nod. I
sit up, leaning back on my heels as I roll the condom on, and he stares at
me hungrily. Then I lean down again, kiss him gently once, and watch his
eyes as I line myself up. Even my head touching that hot, pulsing opening
feels like almost too much, and I stay there for a moment until his legs
wrap around my ass, urging me on.

Entering him is an agonizing pleasure, like sinking into a hot tub on a
cold night. I shiver at the feeling, at the heat and pressure wrapping
around my cock, at the heat which seems to ripple up my spine until it's
everywhere. Is this what it always feels like for guys when they fuck me?
It's incredible. I'm lost in the sensation until I hear Toby gasp, and I
see him with his eyes closed, his lower lip between his teeth.

"Hey," I whisper, my voice shaking, stopping a few inches in. "Is it okay?"

Toby nods, and opens his eyes a crack, meeting mine. "So fucking okay," he
grunts. "Keep going."

He moans softly as I sink deeper, and when I bottom out, my cock fully
buried inside him, he licks his lips and pulls my face down to his
own. "Just stay there a sec," he mutters before kissing me. He sucks my
tongue into his mouth and caresses it, and gradually starts to rock his
hips, moving just the slightest bit, but even that friction is driving me
crazy.

"Toby," I say between kisses. "Toby, can I..?" I pull back just an inch and
slowly thrust back in as he nods, his lips curving into a smile against my
own. So I start to fuck him. Gently at first, just withdrawing a little
before sliding back home, a steady rocking motion while we kiss. His hands
wander my back and his legs stay firmly wrapped around my ass. As deep as I
am with each thrust, I feel like I want to be deeper, like there's a hook
in my pelvis pulling me into him, coaxing me to just get a little deeper,
just fuck a little harder.

I want to see him, so I break the kiss and sit up on my knees, sliding my
hands down his sides to rest on his hips. God, he looks like a beautiful
mess, lying so limp underneath me, so vulnerable and yet letting me inside
him. His abs are crunching with each deep breath he takes, and his normally
pale skin is flushed a splotchy red across his pecs and up to his face. One
corner of his mouth curls into a smile as he brings one of his hands up to
stroke my belly.

"Fuck," he whispers, and then he starts gyrating his hips. I remember that
night at the party, when I admired the way he moved his hips when he
danced, and I wondered what they would feel like under my fingers. Well
fuck, now I know, but more than that I know how it feels from the
inside. It feels amazing, and between his motions and his rhythmic
clenching I almost don't need to fuck him. Almost.

Gripping his hips a little tighter, I finally start to move again, pulling
out most of the way and pushing back in, trying to push as deep as I can. I
build up speed, as if moving faster, fucking harder, I might finally get as
deep as I long to be. Before long I'm slapping against his ass with every
thrust, pounding into him hard and fast, and he's propped up on his elbows,
his fingers exploring my chest, as he moans.

He pinches one of my nipples and I gasp, "Oh my God." I can't stay upright
anymore, and I collapse back on top of him. He catches me, wrapping me up
in his arms again as I keep fucking into him, jerking my hips, pressing our
lips and teeth together.

"I'm close," Toby whispers and I nod, words escaping me. I just kiss him,
and suck on his lips, on his tongue. I slip one hand between us to grasp
his cock, which is soaked in precum. I'd have to sit up again to properly
jerk him off, and I can't do that, I won't, so I just massage the top with
my hand and stroke the head with my thumb. From the way he whimpers and
writhes, I guess that works.

Soon he groans loudly as his cock twitches, unleashing what feels like a
steady stream of cum. Simultaneously, the heat and pressure on my own cock
increases dramatically, and I push as deep as I can, I feel like I'm
finally there, I've finally gotten as deep as I craved to be, and I erupt
inside him. The heat that seemed to ripple through my body before crashes
through me in waves now, and I throw my head back, crying out.

I shudder a few times as the heat dissipates, and low my head again,
panting as I rest our foreheads together. Toby has a blissed out smile on
his face, his eyes little slits, and he tilts his chin up to peck my
lips. "Good?" He asks.

I laugh raggedly, still out of breath, and he joins in. "Incredible," I
manage to get out. "Wow."

"Mm," he hums, stroking my cheek with one finger as he looks up at me. "So,
think you'll be up for doing that again?"

"Now?" I ask incredulously, feeling totally drained.

"No," he laughs. "I mean, topping sometimes."

"Oh," I laugh. "Yeah, I think I could be persuaded to top sometimes." I let
my head fall and lie fully on top of him, my cheek pressed to his. "Wow."

I could just lie like this forever, but Toby is a little more practical, or
maybe his mind is a little less blown. He gently rolls me off of him and
onto my back, and I groan a little as my dick slips out. He finds a towel
in my dresser, and wipes us both down, taking the condom and throwing it
away.

Maybe it wasn't as good for him. I mean, it wasn't a first for him in any
way. He's probably had better. And I know what I like when I get fucked, I
should know how to fuck someone else, but I was so lost in the sensations,
that maybe I was selfish. I know I'm a good fuck, guys have told me that
plenty, but now I'm afraid that maybe I'm not a good fucker.

Toby lies down next to me when he's done cleaning up, and lays on his side,
his hand finding its way to my belly. "Toby?" I whisper and he hums. "Was
that good for you? Was I okay?"

He chuckles and kisses my shoulder. "It was good," he says. "It was good
because it was you. C'mere." He prods me onto my side facing away from him
and scoots in behind me, spooning me and wrapping his arms around me
tight. "I'm really happy," he murmurs, kissing the back of my head, and I
sigh and relax back into him.

Maybe it wasn't the best fuck anyone's ever given, but I'll get better. I
smile at the thought. I will get better, because I'm going to have more
chances, more practice. Because Toby's my boyfriend, and he wants to do
this again.

I must have drifted off, I'm not sure for how long, but the next thing I
know I no longer feel Toby behind me. I twist around and his spot is empty,
but still warm. I hear soft laughter from somewhere outside the room and
rub my eyes.

The laughter comes again so I get up and slip on my boxers, then walk out
into the hall. I hear quiet voices now and follow them to the kitchen,
where I blink against the light, but see Toby and my dad standing
together. Toby's wearing nothing but his black boxer briefs, while my dad's
wearing sweatpants but no shirt. They're standing close, Toby against the
counter and my dad in front of him, and Toby's hand is on my dad's arm.

Toby spots me first and smiles. "Hey Dev," he says. "Sorry if I woke you. I
got up to get some water and ended up talking with your dad. We were just
comparing workout routines."

Dad turns his head to see me and takes a step away from Toby, Toby's hand
falling from his arm. "Hey kid," he says, and coughs a little.

"Let's get back to bed," Toby says, picking up a glass of water and coming
to take my hand. As he leads me out of the kitchen he turns his head back
and says, "Nice chat, Gav, g'night."

"Good night, boys," Dad replies as we walk back to my room.

We lie back down and Toby spoons me again, nuzzling into my hair, but I
have to ask. "Toby..." I start. "Were you flirting with my dad?"

He chuckles. "Maybe a little," he murmurs. "He's cute. Don't worry, I
wasn't going to fuck him." I let out a breath and relax a little until he
adds in a whisper, "But I think I could have."

And then I can't help but picture it, Toby's hand moving from Dad's arm, to
his chest, to his waistband. Flirtatious laughter turning to kisses, until
Toby's braced against the counter as Dad fucks into him from behind, sweat
pouring down his tight chest as he pounds my boyfriend. And it's fucked up,
but the image has me rock hard.

What's even more fucked up is that I drift off to sleep, the image starts
to shift, and in my dreams that night it's not Toby my dad is fucking, it's
me.


-----


Well, that was a tricky one. That's the longest chapter I've written so
far, but there was a lot to get through. Can you believe I originally
thought chapters 9 and 10 could fit into one chapter?

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it. Chapter 11 will also probably be a long
one, as it's going to cover a good bit of time, including Halloween, which
should be an interesting night. I'd like to have that done in the next
week, but we'll see.

As always, feedback is much appreciated, it's great to hear from readers.
And lastly, the Nifty Archivist keeps reminding me to ask you to donate and
I keep forgetting. So if you like Nifty and can afford to support it,
consider donating at https://donate.nifty.org/.