Date: Sat, 17 Oct 2020 19:26:28 +0000 (UTC)
From: nilcono@yahoo.com
Subject: Visiting My Brother at College part 5

So now he wants to talk? Now, when I just want to collapse into bed and
think in peace. But, not talking didn't help, so if he wants to talk,
fine. Let's get it all out.

"I just had sex with Toby," I say, sitting on my bed, and he doesn't seem
surprised, nodding, "but some of the time I was thinking of you. Wishing it
was you."

He laughs and shakes his head.

"What's so fucking funny about that?" I ask, raising my voice a
little. "Toby's great, and now I feel like shit, like I used him."

Reed stops laughing but keeps shaking his head. "I tried to have sex with
Jessica," he says, "but I couldn't stop thinking of you."

I think my brain short circuits. I don't know what to do with that so I
just stare at him. His mouth is smiling but his eyes look sad, gazing down
at his sheet covered lap.

"We were in her room and she went down on me, and I kept seeing your face
and thinking about your mouth," he says. "The most fucked up part... Like,
that should have grossed me out, right? I'm straight. And you're my
brother." He laughs again. "But it excited me. It turned me on more. I
wasn't thinking about Jess at all until she said my name and I
remembered... that she wasn't you." He collapses back onto the bed, his
head hitting the pillow. "I freaked the fuck out and left. This is so
fucked up. It's fucking disgusting."

So, part of me hurts to see him so distressed, to hear the pain in his
voice. But, like, another part of me is thinking: does this mean he wants
me too? And even though I thought I was totally drained I feel myself
getting hard again as I look at him lying there, bare from the waist up,
and I wonder if he's naked under that sheet.

"Do you really think it's disgusting?" I ask softly. "Do you think I'm
disgusting for wanting you?"

He doesn't move or speak for a long time, but I can see his eyes are still
open, staring at the ceiling. Eventually he breathes, out, "No. Or, fuck, I
don't know." He rolls over to face me and the sheet slides down his hip a
little. He's definitely naked. "I should, I know I should, but I don't. I
think that's what confused me the most. Last night didn't feel disgusting
at all, it felt... right."

"Same here," I say.

"It's not the same for you, you're gay, you're supposed to like that sort
of thing."

I snort, "I'm supposed to like sucking my brother's dick? I've got news for
you but incest is weird for gay people too."

"Well, but, I'm hot," he says seriously, and I throw my pillow at him,
making him crack up.

We don't say anything for a few minutes but I have to ask, "What now?"

"I don't know," he says, and I nod. We've both admitted we liked it, I
think he's admitted he wants me too, but what does that really mean for us?
He goes quiet. Maybe we won't figure it out tonight.

I strip down to my boxers and get under my own blanket, but I lay on my
side looking at him, and he's still looking at me.

"Devin?" He whispers. "Can you sleep in my bed tonight? I... I want a
sleepover."

I remember when we were kids, he used to treat me almost like a stuffed
animal, laying in bed and squeezing me all night when he had a bad
day. More often it was me who would need comfort, who would go to my big
brother's bed when I was scared or worried, and as we got older it was
rarer, but even as late as high school Reed would sometimes ask me for a
"sleepover," and I would go to his bed and let him hold me until we fell
asleep. It hasn't happened since I came out, and I assumed he just grew out
of it, but I wonder if my coming out is why.

I've never turned him down before, but this time feels so different, so
sexually charged, and because I still don't know what we're doing I
hesitate until he says, "Please, Dev, I need to be close to you right now."
His voice breaks a little and I can't say no, so I slip out of bed and walk
over to his.

He scoots away until his back is almost against the wall and lifts the
sheet for me. It's too dark to make out much more than that he's naked, and
I hope that means it's too dark for him to notice my blush, or the tent in
my boxers. I lie down next to him, facing away. A moment later he's pressed
against my back, and his arms are wrapped around my chest, pulling me to
him. His nose is in my hair, and he kisses the back of my head.

"Thank you," he whispers into my hair, and I remember him whispering the
same when he kissed me last night, and I squirm a little, my erection
twitching. I can feel he's hard behind me, too, his dick pressing against
the gap between my legs, hot against the bare skin where my boxers have
pulled up a little. I'm afraid to do anything about it.

I'm thinking I'll never be able to fall asleep like this when Reed starts
moving, his hips pressing into me slowly, his cock sliding up the open leg
of my boxers. He kisses the back of my head against and his hands rub
against my chest. "Is this okay?" He asks quietly.

My mind is screaming "yes," but I'm scared, and I ask him, "I don't know
Reed... is it going to be okay in the morning?"

He stops and just holds me for several seconds. "I don't know, Dev. I hope
so." I feel him pulse against me. "I just... I need you."

And maybe it's a bad idea, but I need him too, so I pull away just a little
bit, just enough to curl up and slip my boxers off, dropping them off the
side of the bed before sliding back into his body. "Okay, Reed."

He pulls me back into him and murmurs something into my hair. For several
minutes he just holds me, slowly but firmly pushing himself into me, his
dick sliding against my leg and my cheeks. His hands wander my chest
tentatively, like he doesn't know what to do without breasts to hold
onto. One of his fingers finds my left nipple and rubs it lightly, and I
swear it feels like my entire self is in that nipple, like there's nothing
else in the world, and I moan. I'm sure I'm leaking all over his sheets.

I twist and scoot down a little so that his dick lines up with my crack, so
that with each of his slow thrusts he slides along it. I can feel it's
still a bit slick from earlier, and his precum is lubing it up more, his
cock leaving a trail from my lower back down nearly to my hole. His hands
still roam my chest, but I take his right hand and gently guide it down to
my own cock, and wrap his fingers around it.

He freezes for a second, but then his thumb tentatively rubs against my
leaking head and he whispers, "So warm." After a moment he begins pumping
me gently, just sliding my foreskin back and forth. He resumes his gentle
humping. "You feel so good, Dev."

He turns my head slightly and starts kissing my cheek. He can't reach my
mouth in this position, but he licks and sucks on my jaw, whispering, "want
you so bad." I'm rocking my own hips now, forward into his hand and back
into his cock.

"Reed," I moan as his cock slips down and brushes against my hole. "Please,
Reed, just..." I lift one leg and reach between them, grabbing his cock and
holding it against my hole. "Please."

"Fuck, Dev, yes," he breathes against my cheek, and pushes forward. I'm
still stretched out and lubed from earlier, and he slips inside me in one
slow motion, until his crotch is pressed against my ass and he's as deep as
he'll go. My cock spasms in his hand and we both groan as he pushes against
me, as if trying to get more in. He feels big, even after Toby. Maybe not
quite as long, but he's stretching me even more, and I feel him, every vein
and ridge, and it's so hot. A part of me belatedly thinks we should have
gotten a condom, but nothing could drag me from this bed.

He holds me like that, buried inside me, just pressing into me and
squeezing me, for what feels like an eternity. I try to move, to fuck
myself on him, but between his hand on my chest, his hand on my dick, and
his hips behind me, he has me held tight, and I whimper. "Fuck me Reed,
come on," I beg.

He bites my ear and whispers, "You want your big brother to fuck you?" I
shiver and nearly cum at his words. Fuck, if he wants to do it like that,
well, I'm all in.

"Yeah..." I breathe, "Please, Reed, I need your cum inside me. Fuck your
little brother."

He growls and squeezes my pec, and he wraps one of his legs over mine, then
he starts moving. Slowly, so torturously slowly, he slides out, until just
his head is inside me, and then just as slowly he sinks back all the way
in. He does it again, and again. In this position my prostate is under
constant pressure, and he drags his head across it for exquisitely painful
seconds with each thrust.

I'm a mess, shuddering and gasping, and I can't help but cum, spilling all
over Reed's hand and clenching on his cock. He barely pauses, just keeps
fucking me slowly, and raises his hand to my mouth. "Clean it, Dev," he
commands me. And I've never liked my own cum. I mean, I've tasted it
before, who hasn't? But cum itself isn't that appealing, it's making
someone give it to me that turns me on. Right now, though, floating in
fucking heaven as he thrusts into me, I just want to do whatever Reed says,
and I attack his hand. I grab his wrist and lick his palm, slurping up my
own juices, the salty, soapy, bittersweet seed. I pull his fingers into my
mouth and suck them clean, swirling my tongue around them.

"Good," he whispers, slipping the last finger out and pulling his hand
away. I try to chase his finger with my mouth, but he holds me tight still,
and I give up and lay my head back down. I close my eyes as he lowers his
hand down to my belly, rubbing gently, spreading my spit and what's left of
my cum. I wonder if he can feel himself there through my skin, thrusting
into me. I feel so full, it seems like he should be able to.

I'm still hard, I don't think I went soft even for a moment, but I feel
more relaxed. I press myself back into him, trying to just feel him as much
as possible. His nipples are little steel points against my back, and his
abs are crunching up with each thrust, massaging my lower back. He dips his
head to kiss my shoulder, moaning softly.

I lay there in pure bliss, limp in his arms and just letting him have his
way with me, pleasure radiating throughout my body, for I don't know how
long. But gradually I notice him speeding up, still making long, deep
thrusts, but a little faster each time, like a piston building up
speed. "Yes," I moan, "fuck me hard."

He chuckles and does just that, and before long he's hammering me. At one
point he slips out on a back thrust, and I immediately reach down and line
him up to pound back in. He can't last long at this pace, but I realize
neither can I, because he's working my prostate like a heavy bag, and
before I know it I'm cumming again, for the fourth time today. As I cry out
and spray against the sheets, he bites down on my shoulder and slams into
me one last time. I swear I can actually feel his cum filling me up as his
hips twitch ever so slightly, and he grunts, "take it, Dev."

We both just breathe for several minutes, still pressed together from head
to foot, his arms and leg still wrapped around me, his cock still inside
me. Eventually I reach for his arm and try to lift it, and he grumbles,
"No. Stay." And I don't know if it's because he just tells me to, rather
than asking or inviting like Toby, or if it's because I'm so tired, or if
it's that this time there really is nowhere I'd rather be, but I stay. I
relax into him, and close my eyes.

I don't know what it will be like in the morning, if Reed will okay with
what we did tonight, but in this moment I don't care. Because this, just
being held by my brother, is exactly what I was craving all night. I could
die in my sleep and that would be fine.


When I wake up the room is filled with sunlight, and Reed is still holding
me, breathing deeply against the back of my head. At some point in the
night he slipped out of me, but otherwise we're in the same position as
last night, and his morning wood is pressed against my lower back. I try to
lift his arm off of me so I can get up but he stirs and squeezes me against
his chest.

"Mm, good morning," he mumbles.

"Reed, I've gotta pee," I say, and I feel him shake his head behind me, his
nose swiping through my hair. I smile. "Yes, Reed, let me up."

"Sheets already need washing. Don't leave," he says and I laugh.

"Gross, Reed, I'm not peeing in your bed. Come on."

"Fiiiine," he sighs, letting me go. He rolls over onto his back as I pull
away. I stand up and start to walk to the bathroom, but I just have to look
back at him. God, he looks gorgeous. His hair is tousled, the sheets are a
mess, but he's laying there completely naked, stretched out in the sun, his
arms up over his head, his cock standing up straight. He's looking me in
the eyes and smiling softly, just a hint of his dimples showing. "Hurry up
and come back," he says.

It takes most of my strength not to go back to the bed immediately, but I
drag myself away. I grab my phone out of my jeans from last night before
walking into the bathroom. My battery is low since I didn't charge it last
night, but I check the time and my notifications as I pee. 10:30 in the
morning, a couple of news notifications, one from a mobile game I
downloaded but rarely play, and two messages from Toby. Fuck.

Toby Auclair: Hey, I had a really great time last night. Do you maybe want
to do something today?  Toby Auclair: I hope I didn't scare you off

I don't reply. I don't know what to say, if there's anything I even can
say. I feel like a huge asshole because who goes on a date, has amazing
sex, and then ditches their date and has even more amazing sex with someone
else? Like, I'm not dating Toby, but it still feels like cheating. And I
can't even talk to him about it because it's with my fucking brother, and
Toby may be cool, but that's not the kind of thing you tell other people,
especially people you want to be your boyfriend.

Shit. Do I want Toby to be my boyfriend? If I do, I probably can't fuck
Reed, and after last night I don't know if I can give that up. But if I
fuck Reed do I just... not get to have a boyfriend? Ever? Does that make
Reed my boyfriend? Because that's fucking insane, and what happens if
brothers break up?

I realize I'm hyperventilating over the toilet, staring at my phone, and
take a deep breath. I ignore Toby's messages for now. I flush the toilet,
wash my hands and face, and walk back into the room. Reed grins at me,
still lying on his back naked, though he's not really hard anymore, and I
walk over and lie down next to him on my side. I lay my head on his chest
and curl up against him. I can hear his steady heartbeat and feel the rise
and fall of his breath.

"Reed?" I ask, voice wavering a little. "What does this mean?" He strokes
my hair with one hand. "I mean, what are we doing? What... what are we
now?"

Reed hums. "I don't know for sure, Dev," he says, "but you're my little
bro, and you're mine."

"But what does that MEAN?" I huff. "Are we a couple? Are we fuckbuddies?
Was it just last night, or is it going to happen again? Are you bi now? Do
we still fuck other people?"

Reed laughs, "Jesus, slow down, Dev. I don't have all the answers. I guess
we need to figure it out together." He pauses, "I can answer two of your
questions. No, I don't think I'm bi. I'm still straight, I'm not into other
guys. I think it just feels so natural to be close to you that getting a
little closer... well, it works for me." I don't know if that makes sense,
it sounds kind of like denial, but if that's what he needs to believe to be
okay with it, then fine. "As for whether it's going to happen again, I sure
hope so."

I drum my fingers on his belly. "Okay. So," I start, but then I'm not sure
where I'm going and I pause. "Toby," I say.

"Yes, that's a person's name," Reed teases.

"Shut up, I'm being serious," I pinch his belly and he yelps, the muscles
tensing under my fingers. "What do I do about Toby? I think I really like
him, but..."

"If you like him, I'm not gonna stop you, Dev."

"But what if every time I'm with him, I think about you?"

He doesn't answer for a long time. "I don't know. But you'll always have me
when you need me, I swear. However you need me."

I smile into his chest. "Thank you, Reed..." I whisper. "But... is that
fair to Devin? Or to anyone else I might go out with?"

Reed takes me by the shoulders and pulls me so that I'm lying on top of
him, looking down at his face. "Was there ever any chance a boyfriend or
girlfriend could get between us as brothers?" He asks, his bright blue eyes
holding me rapt.

"No," I say, shaking my head.

"No. What we have isn't something anyone else can replace. It's between us,
just us. So if we need each other sometimes, it's no one else's
business. Okay?"

I nod, and looking down at him I can't resist lowering down to kiss
him. Just a soft, gentle press of my lips against his, though I hold it for
several seconds. I pull back just a little to look him in the eyes again,
to make sure he's okay, and he smiles and leans up to kiss me just as
gently as I kissed him.

"I love you, Dev," he says.

"I love you too, Reed."

I kiss him again, then lay my head in the crook of his neck and just relax
on top of him. There are still things to figure out, but I'm not panicked
anymore. I've got my brother, and for now that's enough.

----

Ok, a bit of a short chapter, but hopefully it's as hot for you to read as
it was for me to write. Don't worry, this isn't the end, but there may be a
bit of a break.