Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 10:51:52 +0100 From: Drew Hunt Subject: When The Worm Turned Disclaimer: The following short story is fiction. To the best of the author's knowledge no one in the story exists in real life. If you think you resemble either of the two main characters, then count yourself lucky. If you are under the legal age to be reading stories with a homosexual and incestuous content, then you should leave. Equally if reading such material in your community is illegal then you too shouldn't read on. This story is copyright. It is assigned to the Nifty Archives under the terms of its submission agreement but it may not be copied or archived on any other website without the prior written permission of the author. Thanks be to Lars and Tim Mead for offering editorial assistance. The story is set in the United States, but the author is British, so I hope I didn't get anything wrong. When The Worm Turned "Hey pussy, get your butt in that kitchen and bring us a fucking beer!" Jeb Gordon snarled at his younger brother as he and his buddies from the high school football team sat around the den, watching a movie. Hank scampered off, knowing he had to do as Jeb said. Otherwise . . . well, his life wouldn't be worth living if he didn't do as he was told. After getting five bottles of Budweiser out of the refrigerator, Hank put them on a tray along with a few bags of potato chips. He picked up the tray and made for the door, then remembered at the last minute that he hadn't opened the bottles. Jeb would go ape shit if Hank didn't remove the caps. Setting the tray back down, he began to search for the opener. "Come on pussyboy, get your ass back in here!" As he continued to rummage in the drawer, Hank wondered why his brother had changed so much. They had been really close once, but over recent years Jeb had become spiteful and cruel. Hank had very few friends; he realized his best friend was a boy he'd never actually met in person. He often found himself pouring out his heart via his computer to a boy who lived a couple of states away in Kansas City. Larry had seduced his older brother, and the two were now lovers. Hank was very jealous and often told his friend that he was a lucky son of a bitch. Because despite all the teasing, name-calling and physical violence, Hank was head-over heels in love with his big brother. "What the fuck took you so long?" Jeb snarled when Hank came into the den. "Sorry, I couldn't find the opener," Hank said staring down at the tray. He just couldn't bear to look at the hatred he knew would be in the eyes of the boy he loved so deeply. Jeb snatched a bottle from the tray. "Fucking pussy," he said before returning his attention to the TV screen. Hank then handed round the remaining beers. The sixteen year old slunk upstairs to his room, praying that Larry would be online. He fired up his computer, biting his fingernails as the software loaded. He was elated to see Larry's name was lit up in his buddy list, so he dispatched a message to him and waited impatiently for a reply. Hg4jg4ever: larry u there? Lm69jmallnight: yo bud, been a while. Hg4jg4ever: yeah, loads of homework. Lm69jmallnight: tell me bout it. Hg4jg4ever: need ur help. cant cope with jeb anymore. Lm69jmallnight: whats he done now? Hank began to unburden his soul, telling his Internet friend about recent events, how Jeb was scaling up his hatred for him, treating him little better than a foot slave. Lm69jmallnight: sorry bud. offer still open to come and crash here. Hg4jg4ever: think ill need to, cant cope here anymore. Lm69jmallnight: you gonna teach the bastard a lesson fore you leave? Hg4jg4ever: don't think i dare. Lm69jmallnight: up to you man, but sounds like he deserves it. what's he doin now? Hank told Larry about how Jeb and his friends were sitting in the den watching a movie, and how he had to act as barman. Lm69jmallnight: ok try this. Larry told his buddy how he could teach his big brother a lesson, one he wouldn't forget in a hurry. The two continued to IM one another until Jeb hollered up the stairs. Hg4jg4ever: gotta go, jebs calling. Lm69jmallnight: ok remember what we talked about. Hg4jg4ever: okay dont like it but suppose the bastard deserves it. Hank ran back downstairs. "Where the fuck have you been, dog breath?" "Um, homework." "Fucking teacher's pet." Jeb waved his empty beer bottle at Hank. "Get to work, slave." "You could have got them yourself," Hank said in a moment of bravery, which soon fled when the 220 pound teenager started to get up out of his armchair. "Okay, sorry, bro." Hank darted for the kitchen and pulled more beer out of the refrigerator. After removing the caps, he reached up to the top shelf of the pantry and lifted down an almost full bottle of Vodka. Pouring out some of the beer from one of the bottles, he topped it back up with the clear spirit. Placing the Vodka back on its shelf, Hank took the tray to the den. Deciding to stick around, Hank crept to a seat in the far corner of the room, and watched his big brother with barely concealed adoration. He looked so God damned hot in his sleeveless black T-shirt and cut off jeans. Hank thought the outfit set off his brother's bulging muscles to perfection. He drooled as he saw Jeb's biceps flex and strain as the teenager lifted the bottle of beer to his oh so kissable lips. Hank held his breath as Jeb took his first sip. His eyes were glued to his brother's face with its firm square masculine jaw, which formed the foundation for the most handsome face Hank had ever seen. But all seemed okay; Jeb merely swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing seductively in his throat. Then he lowered his arm. Letting out a breath, Hank realized his plan just might work. Larry had told Hank how he could get Jeb drunk and into bed, giving him the opportunity to show his big brother what he really felt about him. The plan was very risky, but Hank had had all he could stomach of Jeb's bullying. At least he'd leave home in a blaze of glory. Hank had tried so hard to please his brother, but no matter what he did, it was never right; he would get verbally and sometimes even physically abused. Though Jeb was always sorry afterwards when he'd hit him. It was almost worth getting hit, because for a few days afterwards, Jeb was quite nice to him, almost becoming like they had been before Dad left. But it never lasted long; something else would always trigger Jeb off, and the hateful put-downs would start up all over again. Throughout the movie, Hank kept a close watch on the level of beer in Jeb's bottle; whenever it grew low, he'd get up quietly and go into the kitchen, returning with another round. Growing bolder, he put more and more vodka in each bottle he gave Jeb. When the end credits started to roll, the guys decided they'd better go home. "Whoa dude," Barry, the quarterback on the varsity team, said to Jeb, his wide receiver. "You've had a couple too many." "Crap, I'm just tired is all. Didn't get much sleep, cause I was banging Julie all night. She kept begging me for it." "Yeah, right," Brian the defensive lineman said. "Listen dude, we'll see you at practice tomorrow, okay? You better hit your bed. Otherwise coach will have your ass." "Yeah, once I've drained the lizard, I'm gonna crash," Jeb said, slapping his buddies on the back and lumbering towards the bathroom. "Take care of him for us, will you?" Brian said, giving Hank a hug. Hank really liked Brian; he was always nice to him, he wasn't an asshole like Jeb's other friends. "I will, don't worry," Hank smiled. "He's my bro." "He doesn't deserve to have a great kid brother like you." "Aw, he ain't too bad most of the time," Hank said, getting all embarrassed. The pair heard a horn honking. "Better go," Brian said, giving Hank a final squeeze. "You know where I am if you ever need to talk." "Thanks, Bri." Hank made sure the door was locked. His mom was still out because she had to work two jobs since their dad had walked out on them three years earlier. It was about that time when Jeb had begun to change. When dad was still with them, Jeb had been the best big brother in the world, making sure none of the bigger kids hit him or made fun of him because he was so small and puny. Hearing Jeb throwing up, Hank walked quickly down the hallway and pushed open the door to the bathroom. He saw his brother kneeling in front of the john, spewing up his guts. Hank had a pang of guilt; he was beginning to regret spiking Jeb's drinks. Hank held a washcloth under the faucet, then wrang it out. "Here, wipe your face. Do you need me to help you get into bed or anything?" "I can manage. You just wanna perv on me, you fucking fag." Hank sighed. Jeb was just as unpleasant drunk as he was sober. "Whatever." Hank left the room, battling hard not to cry. Why was Jeb always so mean? All Hank had ever done to him was worship him, praise him whenever something he'd done had gone well. Hank loved how strong Jeb was, how popular he was with the other students. When he got a position on the varsity football team, Hank had been so proud he had barely been able to contain his excitement. But the spiteful put-downs and constant teasing had taken their toll, too. Hank entered his bedroom, closed the door and pulled out his duffle bag from underneath his bed. Checking the shoebox in the bottom of his closet, he was relieved to see that the money Larry had sent him was still there. He put it in his wallet. If he stuck around after tonight, Jeb would kill him for sure. "Would that be so bad?" Hank said softly. Having no friends at school, he was very much a loner. He hadn't joined any of the school clubs, fearing that if anyone knew he was gay, liked classical music and theater plays, he would be beaten up. Maybe dying at Jeb's hands would be easier and quicker than going to stay with strangers. Although Larry had told him time and time again that he would be welcome in Kansas, 'Just close your eyes and tap your heels together three times.' Hank could never be totally sure that the whole thing wasn't just some sick joke to trick him, though the money was certainly real enough. Holding a framed photograph of Jeb and himself taken during happier times, Hank gazed sadly at the well-remembered scene. The photograph was one of Hank's most prized possessions; he made sure it went into the center of his bag to protect the glass from being broken. Hank sighed as he gave his room one last going over. It had been a sanctuary for him, a place where he'd felt safe. No one from the outside world could hurt him when he was in here. Even Jeb seemed to respect his space. Hank would lock himself away at the end of each day, put on a CD and forget for a while all about his crap life. He'd allow the music to carry him away to a place filled with love and security, where no one would hurt him or call him names. His most favorite fantasy - one he saved for days when things had gone particularly badly - involved him and Jeb getting an apartment together, Hank maybe having a part time job, one which would allow him to get home early enough so he could have a meal on the table when his brother lover came home hungry from a hard day's toil. Hank wiped away a tear; he knew his dream would never be realized. Jeb was straight, he'd had loads of girlfriends throughout high school. Julie, his present squeeze, had seemed to hang around for the longest, though. Hank had been surprised when the two had gotten together. Julie was really stuck up. Her parents were English, and they thought themselves a cut above everyone else. But Julie seemed to get on okay with Jeb. "It just ain't fair," Hank said quietly. How many times had he longed to be in Julie's place as Jeb took her out on a date on a Saturday night in his old Camaro? Hank knew he'd give his left nut to have Jeb love him like that. The tears were rolling down his cheeks as he thought about what could have been. Believing that Jeb would have had sufficient time to pass out from all the alcohol he'd drunk, Hank rose to his feet and crept down the hallway. Listening at Jeb's door for a while, all he could hear was light snoring. 'Well, this is it.' Hank thought as he pushed open the door. Pale moonlight lit up Jeb's face, lending him an ethereal beauty, somehow making him look even more godlike than usual. Jeb's lips were slightly open; a small trail of drool ran down his chiseled features, collecting in a puddle on the white pillowcase. Hank's heart swelled with a mixture of love and lust as he gazed at the unconscious form of his jock idol. Working quickly and quietly, Hank pulled down his brother's boxer shorts, gasping at the size of the soft member that was revealed. He then secured Jeb's legs to the bedposts at the bottom of his queen-sized bed with lengths of rope, which he'd taken from the garage earlier. Hank had always liked Jeb's bed. He had to make do with a narrow single, but he'd often fantasized about what it would be like to share the big bed with his handsome brother. After gently rolling Jeb onto his back, Hank tied the unconscious boy's wrists to the other two bedposts. Once he'd assured himself that the bonds would hold firm, Hank kissed his brother on the lips. "I love you so much, Jeb." Sinking to his knees, Hank continued to speak softly about how much he worshiped and adored his brother. "If only you could love me back, I would do anything to make you happy. Please Jeb, please let's go back to how it used to be. It was great back then." Jeb's skin felt silky soft as he traced the strong muscles under the tanned skin. Hank was awed by their latent power. Once every inch of Jeb's fine physique had been explored, Hank sat down on the edge of the bed and watched his brother sleep. * * * * * * Waking up with a foul taste in his mouth, it took Jeb a couple of seconds to remember that he'd had a few beers earlier in the evening, 'But geez, not that many!' He lifted his hand to rub at his eyes, but his arm was held fast. 'What the hell's going on?' He snapped open his eyes and saw Hank sitting on his bed. "What the fuck are you doing in here!?" 'Ouch!' He realized he shouldn't have raised his voice. He had the mother of all headaches. Beer had never affected him like this before. He closed his eyes momentarily. Maybe he was still dreaming, but it was one weird dream. "Jeb?" Hank said tentatively. Opening his eyes again, Jeb realized it was no dream. "If this is some stupid game, you're gonna pay, I'll whip your ass for this. Let me loose." "Sorry, but I can't." "I'll fucking kill you, you fag. Now untie me, now!" "Shut the fuck up!" Jeb was stunned into silence. He'd never heard his little brother talk to him like that. "For once in your worthless life I'm calling the shots. You're gonna do just what I want you to." "You lost your senses, you pussy fag?" "Don't call me that, don't ever call me that! It's horrible." "What the fuck are you doing? Untie me now!" 'What the hell is Hank up to?' "No!" "Hank, you are fucking dead! Now untie me!" Jeb struggled against his bonds, but the little fucker had tied him down good. "Jeb, I've gotta tell you something, and you ain't gonna like it, but I'll bust if I don't. Then I'm gonna show you." "Huh? You been smoking something, you worthless piece of shit!" "Shut up!" Hank slapped Jeb's face, and it stung like a motherfucker. 'What the hell's going on?' "Sorry bro, I didn't mean to do that." Hank sounded like he was going to start crying. "Why are you always so nasty to me? We used to be real close, you used to like being with me, standing up for me. You used to tell me that you were proud to be my big brother." Jeb swallowed. There was no way he could tell Hank the truth. "I grew up, I made new friends, I didn't want a fucking wimpy little brother hanging round me all the time, asking dumb questions." Hank did start crying then. "Fucking fairy, that's why I didn't want you around me, you would always cry when you didn't get your own way. It was shit always having to look after you." "You used to tell me you loved me. Jeb, you've never said you loved me in, well, since dad left." Jeb screwed his eyes tight shut. "That's cause I don't." Sniffing back his tears, Hank said, "I've got to tell you this Jeb, I love you, I love you so much, not just as a brother, either. Yeah I'm queer, a fag, a fairy, a fudge packer. Call it whatever you want, but Jeb, I'm in love with you, I always have been." 'Oh God no.' Jeb had to do something, and quickly. "Let me loose you fucking fag, I knew you were always perving on me, you're a dead man." "No, Jeb. Remember I said I was gonna show you what I meant?" Hank climbed on top of him, Jeb did his best to buck him off. But the little fucker held on. "Get the fuck off of me you pervert!" Hank held Jeb's head still and brought his face down and laid a passionate kiss on his lips. It left Jeb speechless for a moment. "I'm gonna make love to you now. I'm sorry Jeb, I know you hate me, but I've just gotta do it. I'm sorry bro, but I love you, I really do." Hank started kissing his way down his brother's chest. Jeb felt frightened and trapped. What Hank was doing felt so fantastic. It couldn't, mustn't feel this good, he had to be straight, he just couldn't, mustn't enjoy any of this. But oh God, it was great! Jeb knew his dick was starting to fill up. He tried to think of something else, dead deer lying by the roadside, rotting corpses on a battlefield, anything to block out the fantastic sensations he was experiencing. But nothing worked. His body wouldn't stop reacting to the awesome caresses Hank was delivering. Hank was alternately biting, licking and sucking on his nipples, which had always been really sensitive. Jeb stifled a groan of pleasure. He tried to conjure up images of his old English teacher, Miss Hammond, and what she would look like without her clothes on. But that didn't work, either. He was getting ever more excited by Hank's talented tongue and hands as they roamed all over his body. "Wow, bro, you're fucking huge! I've never seen a boner that big." Hank kissed the head of Jeb's dick, which pumped out a load of pre-cum in response. "I'm gonna lube you up, then I'm gonna make love with you." Everything changed for Jeb in that moment. What had been pleasurable if unwelcome, suddenly became very scary. Hank couldn't do that to him, he couldn't! "No! Hank, please no! I'm begging you, please not that!" Jeb was frantic, he thrashed around on the bed to try and escape. "I can't take it up the ass. Please Hank, please! I'll do anything! I'm sorry for being so nasty to you, please Hank, please!" The panic was overwhelming him; he was shaking and he couldn't get his breath, his heart pounded in his chest. He felt hot and sweaty. He knew he was losing it. Hank came back up to Jeb's face. "No, my beautiful brother." He kissed Jeb full on the lips. "No, I'd never do that to you." The words didn't penetrate; Jeb was still racked with terror. "Calm down, bro. I'm not gonna hurt you, I could never do that." Hank slapped Jeb's face. It had the desired effect, shocking him into silence. "No Jeb, you're going inside of me. I'd never hurt you bro, I love you and I want you to make love to me." Jeb could feel Hank's tears falling on his sweat soaked chest. "Hank, please don't do this." Although Jeb was somewhat reassured about not being the one getting fucked, he knew he couldn't cope with the idea of fucking Hank, either. "Please bro, please don't. I'm begging you. I can't do this." Hank looked concernedly down at him. "It won't make you gay if you find out that you like it. I just want to show you that I love you, that I'd do anything for you. Please let me do this before I leave." "Leave?" What was he talking about? He couldn't leave! "I can't stay here now, you'd... you'd kill me. I was gonna leave you tied up and go and live with someone I've been talking to on the net, he said he'd take me in and..." Hank's racking sobs prevented him from continuing. "You can't leave." "But you'll kill me, you said you would." It was no good. Jeb couldn't hold out any longer. "No Hank, I wouldn't, I couldn't. I love you, bro, I always have." "What?" Hank stopped crying and gazed down at his brother. "You've got a funny way of showing it. For the past few years you've been... well, you've been real nasty, always calling me names, making me cry. I don't get it. Jeb, you're only saying this so's I'll let you go." "No bro, honest, I do love you. I had to say all that shit to push you away cause I just can't be gay, it's not right, but..." Jeb began to cry. "I do love you, so much." "But why'd you push me away? Jeb, I don't understand." "I'm no good, I'm fucking worthless. I've always known that you love me, but Hank, you need to find someone better, someone who deserves you." "I don't believe none of this shit!" Hank got off of Jeb and stared at him. "Your not joking are you?" "No bro, I've never been more serious about anything in my life. I've loved you ever since I can remember. But you're so fucking fantastic, you deserve someone a lot better than me." "But you're the most... Shit, everyone likes you, Jeb, you have loads of friends, girlfriends." The look in Hank's eyes changed. Jeb could always read his brother so well. "Trust me, bro. I had to date for cover. But when they started getting serious, wanting me to fuck 'em, I couldn't. Hell, I could barely get it up. So I'd dump them." "What about Julie? You're always telling everyone that you two go at it all the time." "No, bro, she's like, from a real strict family that don't believe in sex before marriage, so I figured she'd be a perfect girlfriend." "But I've seen you kiss her and... well, grope her loads of times." Hank went red. "When I did it I had to close my eyes and think about you." "Me?" "You're the tops, man, you're like, perfect." "Me?" Hank repeated. "Please bro, untie me. I want to show you something." "Uh, I dunno." Hank backed away from the bed, clearly still frightened. It made Jeb's heart ache to know that he'd caused the most beautiful boy in all the world to be afraid of him, "Hank, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die. I swear on Mom's life I won't ever hurt you ever again. It killed me inside when I teased you." With great reluctance and obvious fear, Hank untied his brother's wrists but left his ankles bound, before darting for the door. "Hank, please, bro." Hank left the room and ran to the bathroom, locking himself inside. "Fuck!" Jeb said, rubbing his wrists. 'I've really screwed with his head. But I've got to show him that I'm telling the truth.' Once he had untied his ankles, Jeb reached under his mattress, pulled out his diary and went into the hallway. He tried the bathroom door, but it was still locked. He could hear Hank sobbing inside. "Please Hank, I love you bud, I love you so much." "But you said you can't..." Jeb found it hard to make out the words, Hank was so distressed. "Even if you do, you said you can't love me. What's all that about?" "I'm a bad person, Hank. Look at the way I've treated you. Everyone thinks I'm this shit hot jock who's got it all together. But it's an act, bud, inside I'm really scared. Scared of the feelings I have for you. And I'm not doing well at school. I'm gonna fail some of my classes. That'll mean I won't be allowed to play football anymore, so I'll lose any chance of getting a scholarship for college. And, well, there's other stuff, stuff that I can't tell you about." "But, you're my big brother, everyone looks up to you. You're the great Jeb Gordon, the king." "It's all crap, Hank. I'm not really that person. If the folks at school knew the real me, they'd drop me, hell they'd probably kill me." Jeb sank to the floor outside the bathroom and began to cry. He'd been able to keep a lid on his feelings for so long, why had it all come out now? He had less than a year of high school left, then even if he didn't get into college, he could have joined the Marines or something, anything to get out of Hank's way. Jeb heard the bolt on the door slide back, then a pair of arms wrap around him. "Don't cry Jeb, please don't cry." Jeb turned round and hugged his beautiful, sweet, kind, smart and gentle baby brother to him. He knew he couldn't have him, Hank deserved so much better than a dead beat. "Please bro, you're frightening me. I've never known you like this." "I know, I've always kept my real self hidden from you, I had to." "I don't understand. And what's all that crap about I deserve better?" "You do, believe me you do. I'm not the guy you've put up on a pedestal. I 'm too ashamed to tell you, but I've written it all down in my diary. Here, go and take it into my room and read it. I need to take a shower and do some thinking." Jeb cupped his brother's face in his hands and looked deeply into his cornflower blue eyes. "But know this, bro. Even though I've fucked up my own life, and I've treated you like shit, I love you. Hank, that's very important, I've always loved you, you understand? I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me." "I've already done that, Jeb." Jeb gave his little brother one last tight hug before sending him off to his bedroom, diary in hand. He then turned into the bathroom, locked the door and sank to his knees. * * * * * * "Fuck, what a day!" Hank said as he flopped onto his brother's bed and wrapped himself up in the comforter. First he had Jeb being mean to him, which forced him to realize that he'd finally had enough of it, prompting him to make arrangements to leave home. Then all the high octane shit about Jeb loving him, but coming out with a load of crap about not being good enough for him. What was all that about? Jeb was simply the greatest. Opening the diary, Hank realized that even though Jeb said he could read it, he still felt uneasy about prying into someone else's privacy. January 6th Really felt shitty today. Hank's so fucking gorgeous, had to go and beat off in my room when I saw him wearing my letter jacket, he looked so awesome in it. Hank blushed. He had no idea that Jeb knew that he'd often sneak into the hall closet and put on the jacket, imagining what it would be like to be a jock just like his big bro. He loved wearing the thing, it was almost as good as having Jeb hug him. It smelled of Jeb, sweaty locker rooms, of power, status and masculinity. To Hank, the jacket was just another symbol of what a fucking stud Jeb was. Hank admired the jocks that could excel at sports. He had never been any good at them, and Jeb would ridicule him because of it. He still had difficulty in balancing out what he'd experienced for the past three years with what had happened today, but there was no doubting his brother's sincerity, and it was all down in black and white, too. February 14 Took Julie to the movies, sat in the back row and watched some lame chick flick. She seemed to like it, but I'd have much rather taken Hank. I know he'd have loved to go. He said he had homework and wasn't going out. But I know that was just a cover and I teased him because of it. I'm such a fucking low-life, but I can't let him know what I'm really like. He needs me to be this strong leader figure, but shit, I'm not. It wasn't fair of Mom to make me the man of the house. I can't do it. March 11 Couldn't meet the payments today, had to suck Paul off, he wanted to fuck me, but I wouldn't let him. I can't give up my ass, not to a pig like him anyway. Who was Paul? What payments? Hank shuddered at the thought of his big brother being forced to suck someone off. He'd have sucked Jeb in a heartbeat, he'd often fantasized about doing it, but never in his wildest imaginings did he think that Jeb would be the one doing the sucking. Hank skipped a few pages. April 7 The stuff Paul got me this week was crap, made me feel really out of it, but in a shitty kind of way, Guess I'm lucky, I never had a bad trip before. But anything's better than reality. Can't afford any stuff next week though unless I can raise some cash. April 14 Paul made me service one of his clients today, old guy, didn't wash properly, I almost puked. It's getting so it's not worth it, but I'm hooked on the stuff, I wanna come off it, but Paul said I'd be okay once I had this new stuff that'd just come in. I don't wanna, but guess I've got to. April 20 I did it. God I feel like shit. Paul had been on and on at me, and I owe him so much money, so I agreed. The guy was in his fifties, all hairy and overweight. Only had a small dick, though, but it still hurt like a motherfucker. Took a while to stop the bleeding. I don't think I'll ever be clean again. Had 4 showers, but still feel dirty. Hank felt a cold chill wash over him. Not his brother. His beautiful strong magnificent hero couldn't have given up his anal virginity like that. It made him sick to think about it. 'No, Jeb's not like that.' Why was he forced to do all this shit? What hold did this Paul guy have over him? What was Jeb on? These and other questions flashed through Hank's head. He skipped a few more pages in an effort to try and find answers. The entries grew more and more desperate as Jeb chronicled the spiraling decline of his life, his increased addiction, his constant need to raise cash. Alongside this Jeb told of how he was failing in his classes, how he was finding it ever more difficult to cope with his sexual orientation and his feelings towards his brother. Hank closed the book; he couldn't read any more. Surely none of this could be true. His brother wasn't a lonely and pathetic figure, hooked on some substance or other and forced to sell himself to fund his habit. 'No, no.' Hank wouldn't believe any of it. He then remembered the shower. Jeb had been in the bathroom an awful long time. An icy feeling swept over him. Something was wrong. He got to his feet and raced to the bathroom door; it was locked. He could here the water running. "Jeb, open up! Open this fucking door now!" Hank banged on the door, he was becoming ever more frantic. He couldn't identify what was fueling his uneasiness; he just knew something was very wrong. Without thinking, Hank took a few steps backward and ran at the door, trying to shoulder it open. It moved in its frame but remained in place. Hank decided to take a longer run on his second attempt. He was successful. The door sprang open, letting out a cloud of steam. When it cleared, Hank saw Jeb cowering in the far corner, holding their dad's old straight razor in his shaking hand, a wild look in his eyes. Hank thought his heart would jump out of his chest. The effort of shouldering the door, combined with the adrenaline rush plus the shock of seeing his brother all mixed together. "JEBBB!" Hank collapsed to his knees. Recovering a little of his composure, Hank calmed his voice. "Jeb, please bro, I want you to put that razor down on the floor. Whatever hell you're going through, I promise, big bro, you don't have to go through it alone. I've read bits of your diary. I don't know the whole story, but I've got a good idea. And I'm promising you here and now, I still love you, it doesn't matter what you've done in the past, you're my hero, my knight and I fucking love you." Through his tears he saw Jeb move towards him. Hank grabbed hold of his brother and held him in a vice-like grip. "Help me, Hank, please help me. I'm scared, so fucking scared." Hank wanted to shake some sense into Jeb; nothing, absolutely nothing was worth killing yourself over. He was also angry that Jeb would want to leave him. He and their mom depended on him so much. He realized they'd put too much on Jeb's shoulders; he determined that he'd share the load from now on. "Can you walk to your room?" Jeb nodded. They got to their feet, Jeb somewhat shakily. Once in Jeb's room, Hank got his brother laid down on the bed. Jeb's teeth had started to chatter, though it was warm in the room, Hank wondered if the shivering was caused by him being frightened, or was it something he'd taken? Why the fuck was he taking drugs anyway? Hank calmed himself down, realizing he had to be the strong one now. Seeing the pathetic figure of his brother lying on his bed curled up into a protective ball, Hank's heart melted. He'd do anything to protect and love his idol. Getting into the bed next to Jeb, Hank moved closer. Jeb grabbed hold of him and wouldn't let go. "It's all right, bro. I'm here, you don't have to face any of this shit alone, not anymore." "Thank you, thank you." Jeb kept repeating the words, treating them like a mantra. "Are you on anything now?" Hank asked once Jeb had stopped shaking. "No, I suppose I'm going through withdrawal." "What did you take?" "Amphetamines. I thought they'd help me cope, you know with being gay, with having to live a lie and all that, but I just ended up getting hooked and I couldn't get off them." Hank rubbed Jeb's shoulders. "I'm here now, bro. I'll help all I can, I love you so much." "I'm not worth it, Hank, I'm bad, dirty, horrible, you can't love me. You just can't." Hank continued to rub circles on Jeb's shoulders, hoping it would calm him. He just couldn't understand how anyone with so much going for him would want to take shit like that. Didn't he know he had a little brother who idolized him, who would do absolutely anything to help him? Then he realized that it wasn't within Jeb's nature to ask for help. Hank knew that Jeb couldn't turn to anyone when he had a problem. He'd internalized it all, and sought help from chemicals. Hank was out of his depth; all he knew was that he loved his big brother, that would never change, but would it be enough? Hank was scared. This thing was way bigger than he could cope with alone. "We'll go and see the doc tomorrow, and see if he can put you on something to help you." "I can't, Hank I can't tell anyone about this." "You've told me Jeb, and I'll help you as much as I can, but you'll also need some professional help as well, counseling or something like that." "I dunno. I'm scared." "It's okay to be scared, bro, I'm scared, too. But I'll go with you, whatever you have to face, you won't face it alone." "I'm not worth it, you should find someone else." "You can cut out that stupid shit right now! You're my big bro, and I love you more than any other person on this planet. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you when all this started up, but I'm here now." "You couldn't be there for me. I kept pushing you away, remember? Hank, I'm so sorry for all that. Honestly, I didn't mean any of it, but I just had to keep you away, I..." "I've read your diary, remember?" Hank leaned forward and kissed Jeb on the lips, and that seemed to calm the bigger boy. "Yeah, I couldn't come out and tell it all to you, but I guess you deserved to know." "Hush now. I'm gonna make sure that my big brave brother knight will be back to his strong and invincible self, just as soon as he can. I want back the brother I remember when I was thirteen, and dad was still with us." "I'm not sure if that brother is still alive." "He is Jeb, trust me he is. I saw very brief flashes of it once in a while. Like when after you'd hit me, you'd be nice to me." Jeb started to cry again. "God, Hank, I'm so sorry. I went too far, I know I did, so I eased up to try and show you I was sorry, but then I felt myself getting closer to you again, and I couldn't let that happen, so I'd lash out again. It was like some horrible vicious circle." "I know, bro. I didn't like you when you hit me, I even tried to hate you, but I just couldn't, I could never stop loving you." "I don't deserve you, Hank, I don't." "Let's not go there again. Do you think you'll be able to sleep, now?" "I don't think so." "Then I'll stay up with you and hold you through it all." "It could get pretty rough." "Remember what I said? I'll always be by your side, ready to pick you up when you fall." Jeb kissed Hank passionately on the lips. The two swapped some spit until the next round of shakes took hold. * * * * * * Jeb knew he'd never felt shittier in his entire life. He hadn't gotten any sleep overnight; the shakes, stomach cramps, bouts of nausea and hot and cold sweats had left him totally drained. But through it all Hank, his precious little bro, had been there for him. If it were possible, Jeb loved the little guy even more than he had previously. "Want any breakfast?" Hank asked when he'd helped him wash himself in the bathroom. Jeb couldn't even clean himself up, he was so weak. "No, I couldn't keep anything down." "Look Jeb, we're gonna need some help getting you through all this. I know you're scared an all, so am I, but trust me bud, together we can beat it." Jeb felt himself tear up again. He just didn't think he was worth making the effort for, but he knew Hank wouldn't let him wallow in self-pity. "What're we gonna do?" "I'll get Mom to call the doctor's office. They have an emergency clinic on a Saturday morning." "No, no doctors." Jeb had never liked visiting the doctor. It all stemmed from when he was six years old and he'd broken his arm when he fell out of a tree. The pain and fear had never left him. "We don't have a choice if you're gonna get off this shit." Jeb didn't reply. "You do wanna come off it don't you? Or d'you want me to go round to your dealer and get you another fix, and gradually wean you off it? I don't wanna do that Jeb, but if that's what you want me to I will." There was no fucking way that he was going to let his precious little brother go within a hundred yards of that low life Paul. Jeb would crawl across broken glass before he'd ever put Hank in danger like that. "Get Mom to call the doc. God knows what she'll have to say about all of this." "You leave Mom to me," Hank said with an air of determination. Jeb managed a weak smile. He knew their mom would be disappointed and hurt, but if Hank was on his side, then she'd come round. "Love you, bro." "Love you, too. You just lie back down, and I'll get things arranged." He took his shaking hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm gonna get you well Jeb, trust me." "Thanks, bro." Jeb didn't have any energy left to argue. This was Hank's show, and he'd let him run it as he saw fit. * * * * * "Better say goodbye, I guess," Hank said as the two brothers stood hugging one another in the waiting room of the detox clinic. Jeb nodded, trying to hold back his tears. He'd cried more over the past few hours than he'd ever done in the rest of his life. The visit to the doctor's office hadn't gone well. The old fart was disapproving and downright hostile, basically telling Jeb that his current situation was of his own making, and he - the doctor - didn't see why he should waste his time on him. Jeb was crushed. Tina, his mom, had started to cry, but Hank, mild mannered Hank - who normally did his best to shrink into the background - was totally pissed. He raised hell, demanded to see another doctor, threatened the guy with professional misconduct lawsuits and loads of other shit. If Jeb hadn't been feeling so crappy, he'd have enjoyed his little brother's performance. The second doctor was much more sympathetic, though. She'd asked him a load of questions - some of them were real embarrassing. Fortunately his mom had agreed to go and sit back out in the waiting room. But he wanted Hank with him, and kept a death grip on his little bro's hand throughout the whole visit. The doctor had gotten him booked into a detox unit. He'd grown frightened at the thought, especially when he was told that he wouldn't be allowed any visitors. He'd just thought the doc would give him a prescription or something to wean him off of the amphetamines, but it turned out to be lots more serious than that. He was on the verge of refusing to go, but Hank had talked quietly with him, telling him that he needed professional help, and that he'd be rooting for him all the time he was locked up. "I'm proud of you, bro. I know you're scared and everything, but I know you're brave enough to face this." Jeb knew he wasn't brave at all, but he drew strength from the fact that his little bro believed in him so much. When his mom pulled up outside the clinic, Jeb was almost ready to run. Despite the promises he'd made to himself and Hank in the doctor's office, actually seeing the place, which looked a lot like a prison, made him have serious doubts that he could go through with it. He felt Hank take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. Jeb took a deep breath and got out of the car. Despite the fact that the admission process took over an hour, it seemed to fly by to Jeb. He wasn't looking forward to it; he'd only just re-established his friendship, no, his love with his little brother, and he would have to face the next few days without him. The two brothers still stood in the center of the sparsely decorated waiting room, neither of them wanting to let go of the other. When the admissions nurse coughed, Jeb reluctantly dropped his arms to his sides but still looked adoringly down at his little brother. "Gotta go." "Yeah." Neither boy broke eye contact. "Stay strong, Jeb," Hank said, tears rolling down his face. "I'll try," Jeb said turning away and walking out of the door. * * * * * * Jeb was forced to face a bewildering array of counseling, both one on one and in a group setting. Then there were the seemingly endless rounds of clinical and psychological testing. He learned how the drugs acted and how the body becomes addicted to them. Perhaps the scariest part was the group counseling. He watched as other members of the group stood up and told their stories. Some were really tragic, and he often found himself crying at the horrible, depressing and empty lives some of his fellow addicts had led. Jeb was never more thankful that he would be returning to a stable home with a mom and little brother who loved him. He'd previously confessed to one of the counselors that it was the love of his little brother which would help him the most to get well. The counselor reminded him that he'd used the drugs as a crutch, and it was important that he didn't merely exchange one crutch for another. Although having a supportive family was important in a person's recovery, any lasting results would only come about if the patient's strength to stay clean came from within. Jeb admitted that he didn't feel very strong. The counselor told him that they'd help him work through his issues of low self-esteem. When it was his turn to speak up in the group session, Jeb was terrified, but he knew in order to get better he had to do it. It took him over 15 minutes to tell the other members of the group all about the pressures of being a star athlete, how he was devastated when his father, whom he adored, suddenly left home without warning. Then he revealed the fact that he was gay, he'd never spoken the 'G' word out loud before. He didn't think he could admit that he was in love with his younger brother, but knowing he had to make a full confession, he gritted his teeth and revealed all. By the time he'd finished, he felt a strange mixture of fear and relief. Confronting his demons hadn't been easy, but he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. For the first time in months he began to think that he just might have a chance of making it through. The withdrawal from the drugs was little short of hellish. Jeb tried to take things one day at a time, sometimes needing to take things one hour at a time. But slowly and painfully he began to see light at the end of the tunnel. On the morning of the fourth day, the doctors told him that he could be released and could receive the remainder of his treatment as an outpatient. Jeb was overjoyed; he ran to the day room to call his mom at work to come and collect him. He was disappointed to learn that he'd have to wait until her lunch break before he could be sprung. He spent the time until her arrival pacing the corridors. He'd met Tim, a graduate of the narcotics program, the previous evening. The two had talked and Tim had agreed to become his sponsor. Tim was, or rather had been a jock like him. He was also gay, so the two had plenty in common. Jeb thought that he'd probably need to lean on Tim a lot, and he was reassured when Tim said that he was cool with that. When Tina, Jeb's mom, rounded the corner in the hallway, Jeb spotted her and ran up to her, wrapping her up in a bone crushing bear hug. He never thought he'd be more glad to see anyone, that was until he spied his brother. "HANK!" He let go of his mom and advanced on his little brother. Picking him up under his elbows, he laid a passionate kiss smack bang on his lips. It was so great to see his lover again! Then he realized his mother had witnessed the whole thing. He gently set Hank back down on his feet, turned to face his mother, but found he couldn't meet her eyes. "Um, Mom, I guess there's something I ought to have told you." "It's okay, bro." Hank put a reassuring hand on Jeb's shoulder. "I told Mom all about us a couple of days ago." "And?" he said, sneaking a peek at his mother's expression, it wasn't as hostile as he'd feared. "Well," Tina sighed. "I have to say I don't understand it, I thought you were, um, straight, you having all those girlfriends and everything. I guess I'm still trying to come to terms with it all. I'm disappointed that I'm never going to have grandchildren, though. " "Yeah, sorry Mom, I didn't want to be gay, I. . ." Hank took hold of his brother's hands. "It's okay, bro. Mom will come round. She just needs time. Don't let it worry you." How much more wonderful could his little brother get? Jeb managed a small smile. "Thanks." He ruffled Hank's hair. "I'm so pumped that you came, but shouldn't you be in school?" Hank smiled. "I got Mom to write me a note. I'm all caught up in my classes anyway, so I'll be fine. You ready to blow this pop stand?" "You bet." * * * * * * "Hey man, you look like shit," Barry told Jeb when he marched through the back door later that day. "You'll have to get Paul to fix you up with something." "Don't you know nothing? I've spent the past four days in detox, trying to come off all that shit. You oughta, too, it's no good for ya man, really screws with your insides." "Bullshit. That stuff makes me feel a whole lot better. Also helps my performance on the field, too." "Well, you do what you wanna do. I'm gonna try and stay clean." "You gone pussy or something?" Turning to Hank he said, "You got at him, fag face?" Jeb pushed back the kitchen chair he'd been sitting on with such force it fell over. He grabbed hold of Barry by his letter jacket and pushed him up against the wall. Getting right into Barry's face, Jeb snarled. "Don't you ever say that to Hank again." "Whoa! Cool it dude. You've called him that, and worse, too." "I know, but that's all in the past. He's my kid brother and assholes like you ain't gonna mess with him no more. Got it?" "Whatever you say, dude." Jeb let go of Barry, who began to smooth down his ruffled clothing. "Jeez, man, ain't good for ya being all tense like that. You sure you don't want Paul to give ya something, help mellow you out?" Jeb was beginning to realize that some of his friends were losers. Hank had often told him that they were, but he'd never believed him. In fact he would usually beat him up if he disrespected his buds. The remembered thought caused him a pang of guilt. He looked over at Hank, who was wearing a worried expression. Obviously the confrontation with Barry had scared him. Jeb felt guilty for that as well. He went over to give him a hug. Over the top of Hank's head, Jeb said, "I told you man, I ain't doing that shit no more. It'll be tough for me at times, but I'm gonna stay clean. And Hank here said he'd help me, didn't you, lil bro?" He gave Hank a reassuring squeeze. Jeb felt Hank nodding against his shoulder. Barry shook his head. "Whatever. You not coming to school tomorrow?" "Nah, probably start again next week." "Coach will bench you for being out of school this long. Heard him asking round about you a day or two back." Jeb hoped he wouldn't lose his place on the football team because sports were one of the few things that he could do well at. He doubted that coach would want a recovering addict on his team, even though some of the other players were still using. But he'd think about all that on Monday. "Whatever. You going to Sandy's party on Friday night? There'll be loads of hot pussy and I expect Julie will be there as well. Her folks are going out of state for the weekend, so you'll be able to fuck her all weekend." Jeb felt Hank stiffen. "Nah, man, ain't interested." Barry shook his head yet again, told Jeb he had to split, and left the house. Once the door was closed, Jeb leaned down and kissed his brother tenderly on the lips. "You're mine now, bro. Though I know I can't come out at school, I ain't gonna pretend to be a macho asshole, either." Tightening his grip around his big brother, Hank said, "You're the greatest! I love you." Hank then went on to tell Jeb that if he still wanted to go out with Julie, he'd try and understand. Jeb could have wept at Hank's selfless gesture. He knew he'd found it really difficult to come out with such a statement. Jeb was torn. Julie gave him cover, but going out with her would be like rubbing Hank's nose in the dirt. His dilemma was solved later that day when Julie came round. Hank, who had been sitting in the den with Jeb, made his excuses and went upstairs, Jeb's eyes following him sadly. "Um, Jeb, I can't stay long, dad wouldn't like it if he knew I was here. As you might know he works for a health insurance company, and he's found out that you are, um, you were like, on drugs. He's told me I can't have anything to do with you anymore." "Oh?" "Yeah," Julie couldn't meet his eyes. "And mum, well, she's never been happy about me going out with someone of your class." "Excuse me?" "I know she's a snob, I don't think she would approve of anyone I wanted to date. She was never happy about us moving here to America, anyway. She's always on at dad to get a job back home in England. She misses all her society friends, you know." "Oh, poor her," Jeb said sarcastically. "Don't be like that, mum's. . .well mum's mum. She has her good points." "Yeah, whatever." "So, um, I think we ought to stop seeing one another." "Good, cause I was gonna dump you anyway. I mean, who wants to date a frigid bitch like you who won't put out? I feel real sorry for the poor bastard who your mother ends up choosing for you. Hope he enjoys jerking off, cause he'll get plenty of practice." Julie slapped Jeb across the face. He watched in mild shock as she turned on her heel and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her. Jeb rubbed his face, musing that Julie packed quite a punch,. He then climbed the stairs to give Hank the good news. * * * * * * Hank's belief in his older brother, unfounded though Jeb believed it to be, helped him through the many months of trial that lay ahead. Hank organized Jeb's study program, coaching him through all his schoolwork. Jeb was so fucking proud at how intelligent his little brother was. Hank went to see Jeb's teachers to find out what his older brother was struggling with, discussing with them a plan of action to help pull up his grades. Though the football coaches weren't happy at Jeb's absence from school, they were pragmatic enough to realize that he was one of their few star players. The fact that many members of the team had to be sidelined due to injury didn't hurt his case, either. So after a couple of games warming the bench, Jeb returned to his starting position of wide receiver, amazing many on his team as well as the coaching staff at his improved determination to excel. Each night after football practice - with the exception of Fridays when there was a game - the pair would sit at the kitchen table and hit the books. Hank would make Jeb go through each math problem, passage of poetry, chapter of his history text or whatever it happened to be that night. Jeb was ashamed to admit that at times he shouted at Hank, telling him he couldn't do it, how it was pointless him learning the shit anyway, cause he wouldn't be going to college. But Hank, sweet patient Hank, would just sit there until he unwound, before going through the equation or whatever it was again, until it sunk in. As the weeks rolled by, Jeb slowly began to realize that Hank's coaching was starting to yield results. Although he'd never make the honor roll, he had at least climbed out of the bottom ten percent of his class. Jeb's continued drug counseling was tough; he was made to face his fears, and explore why he'd gone onto the drugs in the first place. He had to stand up and tell his therapy group that he needed the pills as a crutch, because he couldn't cope with the strain of being the all American star jock. He couldn't live up to the image of being the perfect hero that people thought he was. He repeated the fact that he was gay and in love with his younger brother. Both Tim and Hank - who was allowed to sit in on some of his sessions - told him that he was making good progress. Sometimes after counseling Jeb felt low, and at other times he thought he could take on Superman. Apparently his feelings weren't abnormal and he wasn't to worry about them. Slowly, ever so slowly, Jeb began to see improvements within himself. He no longer hated himself as much as he had done previously. He never thought he could live up to the person Hank thought he was, but he would try his hardest to get there. Having someone cheering for him - celebrating each small victory, but also being there to support him during the days when he felt down - helped Jeb cope with everything that life threw at him. * * * * * * "Happy birthday lil bro," Jeb told Hank on the morning of his 17th birthday. "How's it feel to be a year older?" "No different, I'm only a day older than I was yesterday, anyway." "True," Jeb admitted. "Are you gonna open your presents now, or do you wanna wait till tonight?" Jeb had a reason for hoping that Hank would agree to wait. He'd been upset that he couldn't afford to buy his little brother an expensive present, one that he knew he richly deserved. "You know what present I'd really like," Hank said licking Jeb's ear. "I know, babe, but you know we have to wait." "We don't have to if you wear a rubber. It'd be safe then." Jeb cupped Hank's face in his hands and looked into his brother's deep cornflower blue eyes. He could feel himself getting lost in them. "I never want to put you at risk, lover. Only a few more days before I go for the second HIV test, then I promise we can make love." Hank nodded and got out of bed to get ready for school. Another thing that had added to Jeb's list of worries was the thought that he could have contracted a sexually transmitted disease from the men he had been forced to have sex with in order to fund his drug habit. The first test - which was taken at the detox center - had come back negative. The second test, scheduled for three months later, was due to occur a few days after Hank's birthday. The previous day, Jeb had told his family that he had to attend an extra, and closed, counseling session. Fortunately, Hank didn't raise an objection; Jeb often had to be slotted in at a different time if the counselor's or Tim, his sponsor's, schedule got changed. Without Hank's knowledge, Jeb had brought forward his second test. Because he hadn't had sex with anyone for a few days prior to going in for detox, the medics agreed to allow him to change the date. Jeb sneaked off from school during his lunch break and drove his old beat up Camaro to the lab to collect his result. Although he was scared, he'd learned various relaxation techniques and ways of coping with his stress. The joy and relief of the negative result was overwhelming. He was free, he had a second chance, and there was no way in hell that he would squander this second go around. It was almost impossible for him to concentrate on his afternoon classes. He often found himself with a broad grin plastered on his face. Once school was over, Jeb almost skipped to the parking lot where Hank was already waiting for him. "You look like the cat that got the canary. You okay, bro?" Hank said, obviously picking up on Jeb's mood. "Never better, little brother. Never better. I'm gonna take you home now and give you the best birthday present I can." Hank reached over the console and squeezed Jeb's hand briefly. "Trust me bro, you already have." "You ain't seen nothing yet." Jeb fired up the old car. Fortunately it started up first time, and he burned rubber as he peeled out of the parking lot. "Jesus!" Hank reached for the door handle and held on with a white knuckled grip. "You're gonna get us both killed." "Sorry, bro." Jeb eased off the gas and got them home at a more sedate pace. Hank started to get out of the car when Jeb pulled into their driveway. "Oh no you don't," Jeb said, grasping hold of Hank's left arm. "Stay where you are." Jeb got out of the driver's seat, raced round the car and flung open the passenger door. Reaching into the car, Jeb scooped his brother up into his arms and kissed him full on the lips, right there in the driveway for all the neighbors to see. He then carried his precious burden into the house. Laughing, Hank said, "You can put me down now, you big kid." "No fucking way, bro. I'm gonna carry you everywhere, you're gonna be treated like a king for the rest of the day." "You're my king, Jeb," Hank said beginning to tear up. "I know it's my birthday and everything, but why all this?" Jeb carried Hank up the stairs and into his, now their, bedroom. "Have I told you today how much I love you?" "I'm sure you have, but I'll never grow tired of you telling me. But you still ain't answered my question" Jeb gently laid Hank down on top of the comforter and began to undress him, "I've kept something from you, Hank." "Oh?" "Yeah. The three month incubation period actually ended yesterday, and I didn't have a counseling session as I said, I went to the lab for the test." "Jeb, you aren't... are you?" Jeb stopped undressing Hank and stared at his brother's beautiful face. "They told me today that I was non-reactive. I'm clear, Hank, I'm fucking clear." He burst into tears as did Hank, who sprang up to a kneeling position and hugged Jeb to him kissing him all round his face. "Oh Jeb, my beautiful brave Jeb. You went on your own. I ought to be mad at you for that, but I can't. I know why you did it, and today of all days, too. You are one amazing brother, you know that?" "Not as amazing as you, lil bro." Once their emotions had calmed down, Jeb resumed his undressing of Hank, kissing and licking at each bit of skin as it was exposed. "Oh God, Jeb, this is great, you're great, oh I love you." Hank flung his head from side to side as Jeb proceeded to lightly bite his brother's nipples, before licking his way up and down Hank's chest. Jeb was in awe of his brother's body. It was small but perfectly formed. Hank had agreed to lift weights with him. It was one small way that he could repay his brother for all the help and love that he'd received. The resulting increased definition in Hank's muscles really turned Jeb on. Once Hank was naked, Jeb picked him up and carried him off to the bathroom. "What's happening now?" "I'm gonna shower my little brother, get him all nice and clean." So saying, Jeb quickly stripped off his own clothing, refusing Hank's offers of help. He then carefully and reverentially washed every square inch of his brother's body, though he refused to play with Hank's stiffened manhood, and he slapped away Hank's hands when he tried to play with it. "I've got plans for that later," he said. Jeb didn't want Hank to wash him, he wanted the day just to be for his lil bro. But Hank persuaded him that he'd get so much out of being able to touch and caress his big brother's naked body, so he gave in and allowed his little brother to wash him, too. Stepping out of the shower, Jeb wrapped his brother up in a big, fluffy towel and proceeded to rub and pat him dry. He was amazed at how wonderful it felt to be able to take care of Hank in such a personal way. When he dried his hair, Jeb couldn't resist burying his nose into the brown locks. Hank smelled so clean, so fresh and so God damned perfect. After drying himself quickly, Jeb wrapped Hank up in the towel and carried his brother, much to the latter's protests, back into the bedroom. Setting him back on the bed, Jeb looked down fondly at the most precious thing in the whole of God's creation. "I couldn't afford to buy you the type of present which you really deserve, though I got you a couple of CD's, a baseball cap and some other shit." Jeb knelt on the floor next to the bed and took his brother's hand. "But Hank, I'm giving you my body. I want you." Jeb wiped away a tear. "No, I need you to make love with me. I need to know what it's like to have someone inside of me who loves me, not someone who... who..." Jeb couldn't finish his statement. Hank got up from the bed, knee-walked to the edge and put his arms around the distressed older boy. "If you think you're ready bro, I don't mind being the receiver. I'll always be that for you, I love you bro and I'll do anything for you, you know that." Jeb nodded. "I know, but it's something I have to do. I've talked about it in the sessions I've had with Tim, the ones you don't go to, and he says that if I think I'm ready, then I should do it. But please, Hank, please will you understand if I need you to stop or slow down or something?" "Of course." Hank was now crying just as hard as Jeb. Wiping away his tears, Jeb stood up. "I need to get something from downstairs. Don't you move." He flashed a smile at Hank before leaving the room and racing down the stairs, returning a couple of moments later carrying his letter jacket. "I want you to wear this while you make love to me." Hank's mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but he couldn't speak. Eventually he said, "Oh wow, I've always dreamed of you letting me wear it, especially when we were making love. Oh wow, thanks, Jeb." "Told you it was your day today. I want to make as many of your dreams come true as I can." The otherwise naked Hank donned the jacket, which was much too big for him, and began to model himself in it in front of the full-length mirror. Jeb moved behind his brother and wrapped his arms around him. Kissing the top of his head, he said, "You look fucking hot in it, bro." Hank wore the biggest smile Jeb had ever seen. Jeb felt his heart flutter as he watched his little brother appear so happy. He knew he'd lay down his life to protect the boy who had saved him from who knew what terrors. Turning round to face Jeb, Hank pulled his head down to his level. Their lips met in a passion-filled but still gentle kiss. Once they released, Jeb picked his brother up and carried him to the bed. "Will you take your time, bro, um, in opening me up and everything?" Hank nodded, he couldn't speak. After getting Jeb to lie on his front, Hank spent the best part of half an hour slowly stretching his hole. At first he was tense. He hadn't had anything go up there since the bad times when he'd had to service Paul's clients, but he calmed himself down, using some of the techniques he'd been taught in therapy. He told himself that this time was different, it was Hank, his own beautiful Hank who was doing this for him. Jeb's inner dialogue was supplemented by Hank's calm and reassuring voice, which continually spoke of how proud he was of him, and how much he was loved. Jeb soaked up the words like a sponge; they went a long way to help heal his damaged psyche. "I think you're as loose as you'll ever be," Hank eventually announced, wiping his oily fingers on a towel. "Do you wanna like, squat over me, so you can control everything?" Jeb nodded his agreement. He still was rather fearful of being penetrated, but at least this way he could stop the whole thing if he couldn't cope with it. "Jeb, we don't have to do this you know. If you're not ready, then we mustn't..." Jeb's lips on his silenced Hank. "I have to do it." He fixed Hank with a look which he hoped projected his need to replace at least some of the badness with something beautiful. The two spent a few moments kissing and caressing one another before Hank laid himself on his back. Jeb rolled a condom down his brother's beautiful prick. He then kissed the end of it but didn't relish the taste of latex; he knew he'd never want to perform oral sex with Hank while the latter wore a rubber. Jeb climbed on top of Hank and held his brother's stiff poker, positioning his hole over it. A wave of panic gripped him, and he froze in place for a few moments, but one look at the kind and loving expression that his brother wore calmed him. The entry wasn't as painful as he'd feared. He had talked himself into relaxing his anal muscles, which helped enormously. When he felt Hank's pubic bush pressing against his asshole, Jeb knew he'd done it, he let out a huge breath. "I'm so proud of you. You're fucking awesome," Hank said. Jeb leaned forward to try and kiss his lover, but Hank was too short. Instead Hank wrapped his arms around his brother's chest and kissed his nipples. "You okay, bro?" "Never better. It's actually kinda nice. I feel full, but it doesn't hurt like it always used to." Jeb pushed away the images of previous times because he didn't want this beautiful session of lovemaking to be sullied by unpleasant memories. Jeb rose up and down a few times on Hank's dick, steadily building up a rhythm. He needed all his leg strength gained from many hours of training on the equipment in the school gym to maintain his pace. The longer the session lasted, the better Jeb felt. Hank shifted around so he was better placed to bump against his lover's prostate. The first time it happened Jeb almost came, but he soon grew used to the awesome feelings he got each time his magic button was stimulated. "Can't hold it anymore bro, I'm gonna cum inside you," Hank said breathlessly. "Shoot for me, fill me up with your love juice." Hank reached for Jeb's prong, which had been waving in front of him, and pumped it for all he was worth. His efforts were rewarded with a face full of scalding hot spooge as it fired out of Jeb's penis. Both boys cried out as they came. Jeb could feel Hank's dick swell inside of him as it deposited its load into the rubber. Feeling totally drained, Jeb flopped backwards onto the bed. Hank pulled himself from under his brother and climbed on top of him. "You were ace, you're everything and more that I could ever have dreamed of. Jeb, I don't have the words to tell you how much I love you." He began to kiss his brother's sweaty body, as the latter continued to lie there, exhausted but immensely satisfied. Once he'd summoned up the energy, Jeb wrapped his arms around Hank and started to lick up the sweat from his cute face. "Happy birthday, lil bro." EPILOGUE "Is it done yet, daddy?" "Let's go and have a look, shall we?" "Yeah, lets." Hank followed Jack, his adopted son, into the kitchen to check on the apple pie he had baked for dinner. Jack had taken the left-over pastry trimmings and molded them into a stick figure. He'd then used raisins to mark the man's eyes, nose and mouth. Opening the oven door, Hank waited until the cloud of pleasant smelling steam dissipated before pulling out the baking sheet containing Jack's creation. "Yep, son, I think he's done." "Can I eat him now?" "No, hon, he's much too hot, I'll put him on the counter for a while to cool, okay?" "Okay, daddy." Jack looked a little downhearted. He'd obviously banked on being able to eat his stick man right away. "Wouldn't you like to wait and show him to your other daddy? And don't forget, grandma is flying in this evening, too." "Okay, we'll wait then," the nine year old said, nodding his head. "That's a good boy." Hank ruffled his son's blond hair affectionately. He'd never dreamed he would become a dad. Though both he and Jeb loved kids, they never thought they'd be blessed. Gay couples rarely could find an adoption agency who would help them, and the fact that he and Jeb were also brothers made it even more unlikely. Hank turned back to the oven, deciding that the apple pie needed a few more minutes. A quick scan of the countertops revealed that everything else was ready. The vegetables were diced and lay in water. The meatloaf also stood ready and waiting for the oven. It was important to Hank that everything go off smoothly, because tonight was special. The noise of a key turning in the lock caused him to look up. The vision of a tired but happy Jeb filled the doorframe. "Daddy, daddy, I made a man out of pastry, and daddy Hank baked him and I said that I wouldn't eat him until you saw him and I wanted grandma to see him as well and..." Jack continued to explain his actions as Jeb scooped the little boy up in his arms and gave him a hug. "Hello you," Hank said to his brother, his heart fluttering at the sight of the most handsome man he'd ever seen. The passing years had, if anything, improved Jeb's rugged appearance. "Hard day at work?" "Yeah, spent most of it in meetings, going over the same old shi... um, stuff." Jeb advanced into the room, Jack still clinging to him. The two brothers sandwiched their son between them as they hugged and kissed. Seeing the prepared food on the countertops, Jeb said, "We could have eaten out tonight. It'd have saved you all this trouble." "You know I love to cook, especially when I have an appreciative and captive audience, and I just had to do it tonight of all nights." Hank's coaching of his brother had paid off, enabling Jeb to win a college scholarship. He chose to move far away from his home town with its associated bad memories. After finishing his degree at the University Of Michigan, Jeb had managed to secure a position at a gym just off campus. His people skills and natural leadership abilities soon meant that he got promotion after promotion. He was now the general manager. After winning an academic scholarship, Hank decided to take a degree in child care management. The two years the pair had to spend apart weren't easy, but their love was strong enough to last them through the separation. When Hank moved to Michigan to be with his brother, the two were lucky enough to find a down market apartment together. Once Jeb had started earning, they secured the lease on an apartment in a better neighborhood in Ann Arbor. Hank loved his job as the manager of a kindergarten. Many of the kids who attended hadn't had the best of starts in life, and one little blond-haired blue-eyed three-year-old boy stole his heart right from the start. He had been born with Down's syndrome, and the single parent teenage mother wasn't coping. Hank tried to forge a friendship with the mother; it wasn't easy, as she was rather hostile. Her family was putting pressure on her to get married and have her child adopted. Fearing rejection, but knowing they couldn't let the chance of fatherhood go by without at least trying, Hank and Jeb asked the teenaged mother if she would agree to them adopting Jack. Fortunately she was agreeable, and her parents were delighted to be rid of a grandson who had been born out of wedlock and was severely disabled. "Oh, Mom called about an hour ago. Her plane has been delayed." "Uh huh," Jeb said nuzzling his nose in his brother's hair. "What are we having?" "All your favorites. Mashed potatoes, meatloaf, and fresh green veggies." "I don't like green veggies," a little voice announced from between them. "I ain't gotta eat my greens, do I?" "I don't have to eat my greens," Hank corrected. Jack looked into Jeb's face with a most earnest expression. "If Daddy Hank don't have to eat greens, then I don't gotta either, do I?" Jeb laughed. "Okay, son, so long as you have some carrot." "Yuck!" "That's the deal." "Okay then, but not many." "We'll see," Hank said prying Jack's arms from around Jeb's neck. "Daddy needs to go and wash up, honey." "'Kay, can I watch some television?" "Go on, then." Jack scampered off to the den. Hank soon heard the familiar theme tune of the Power Rangers come blaring out. "Turn it down a bit, hon, we don't want the neighbors complaining." "If I'm not very much mistaken, I can smell an apple pie?" "Oh shit." Hank had forgotten the pie. He dashed to the oven; although the crust was a little darker than he would have liked, he'd caught it before it had burned. Once the pie had been placed on the cooling rack, Jeb picked his brother up and swung him around. "I'm so lucky, just so lucky to have a little brother who looks after me and our son so well." "Put me down you big brute," Hank giggled. He loved it when Jeb was physical with him. "Need a hand with anything?" Jeb asked, mussing up his brother's hair. Hank knew that Jeb loved playing with his hair, so he was more than happy to let him do it. "Nope, you go and wash up, then amuse Jack." * * * * * * When the doorbell rang, Jeb called out that he'd get it. "Grandma!" Jack said, getting to his feet and racing for the door, opening it before Jeb could get there. "Hi Mom," Jeb said above the noise of his son greeting his grandparent. Tina Gordon looked a little weary from her flight; Jeb knew his mother didn't like plane travel. After she'd said her hellos to Jack, Tina held her face up to Jeb for a kiss. "I couldn't miss seeing my three favorite men celebrate, could I?" It had been six years to the day since Jack had legally become theirs. Jeb picked up his mother's luggage and sagged dramatically under the weight. "How long you planning on staying?" "Just the week." "Uh huh." "Stop complaining." Jeb smirked as he carried the bags into the guest room. He then showed his mother into the dining room where Hank was busy putting the finishing touches to the table decorations. Jack, being the affectionate child that he was, refused to let go of his grandma. "Oh, you two have done wonders in here," Tina exclaimed. Jeb moved to his lover's side. "It's all his doing, you know. Hank's the artistic member of the family. I'm useless with a color chart." "But you were great with the paint brush." "Yeah, all brawn and no brains, that's me." Jeb looked down at the floor. He felt Hank wrap an arm around him. Jeb occasionally still felt a little inferior. He knew he always would, but Hank was always there to bolster his spirits and remind him that he had many fine qualities. "I know, I know." He kissed the top of Hank's head. "Would you like me to open the wine, hon?" "Please. I'm sure Mom could do with a glass." "Thank you, but do you need me to help you in the kitchen?" "No, it's all under control, Mom. Just sit down and relax. Dinner will only be another ten minutes or so." "Great, I'm starving," Jeb said from the small bar as he popped open the cork on a bottle of Californian red. He didn't understand wine. He left those kinds of decisions to his brother. "Tell me something I don't know," Hank said escaping into the kitchen before Jeb could retaliate. "Grandma, I made a man out of pastry today, and daddy Hank cooked him for me, but I saved him so you could have a look at him." "That's wonderful, sweetie." Jack climbed up into his grandmother's lap for a cuddle. "Oh, you are getting to be a big boy, now." "I'm starting a new school soon." "Oh, that'll be nice." Jeb handed his mother her drink. "We managed to get him a place at a middle school in Whitmore Lake. They've got a great special ed program there." "When you said you were going to adopt a child with, um, special needs, I worried, but you couldn't have been luckier." Jeb absent mindedly rubbed his son's back, thinking back to the battles that he and Hank had had with CPS to keep him. It had all been worth it. Jack's sunny and warm personality had brought more joy into their lives than they'd ever thought possible. * * * * * * After he'd said grace, Hank received the dish of vegetables from his mother. He put some on his plate and passed the dish to Jeb. Jack covered his plate with his hands, determined not to accept any vegetables. Hank smiled. "Sorry, I forgot to cook you some carrots." "Good, don't like them either." Hank shook his head. As they ate, the diners made appreciative noises; even Jack, who was quite a fussy eater, inhaled his meatloaf with gusto. After looking around at his dining companions, Hank closed his eyes momentarily, recalling the daydream he'd often had as a teenager, the one where he was living in an apartment with Jeb, taking care of him, loving him and... Hank felt a hand cover his. Snapping open his eyes, he saw Jeb's happy but concerned face looking at him. "Everything okay, bro?" Hank sighed, "Yes, it's perfect, just perfect." The End I have other stories on the Nifty Archive. If you want further details, or you would like to be added to my mailing list, then please drop me an email at drew.hunt@blueyonder.co.uk Remember if you don't write to your favorite Nifty authors to tell them that you're enjoying their work, then they're likely to stop posting, and you'll only have yourself to blame when you've nothing else to read.