Chapter 4

Is it better to say, I am well or I am good.

I remember my Dad growing up was the most annoying man in the world growing up.  I can honestly say that.  He died not too long ago and it wasn't until he died that I missed him.  I missed the way he always tried to correct me.  I miss the way he was always wrong.

"How you doing kid?"

"I'm good."

"You mean to say I'm well."

Nah.  I mean to say I'm good.

People like Pops tended to mistakenly correct themselves by saying "I am well" instead of "I am good" because they recognize that "am" is a verb, a form of "to be."  Since it's a verb, people often figure, you pair it with an adverb like well.  

What they forget is the idea of "to be".  To be as in "I am" or "You are" or "He is".  To be is an adverb.   (I am, you are, she is, etc.).  Yes, it is a verb...a special one called a linking verb and for a linking verb you don't use adverbs like well to modify them.

You say I am good.

"How you doing tonight?" Bron asks me.

"i'm good."

We end up at a club that night.  I was under the impression it was a lounge.  It's the only reason I agreed to go. I'm not a party type person.  I understand we should be celebrating but that's not me.

I remember when I met Vicorio at a club one time.  I just so happened to say "I never see you at a club".  His reply was, "I never see you at a bank."

After that I stopped going to the club so much.

"Drink with me," Bron states.

He tosses his arm over my shoulder, "Bro...you're drunk."

Bron mashes himself into me, "First off, I'm NOT drunk so fuck you.  Second: you are being lame.  Tres: that's 3 in Spanish.  4...fuck I'm drunk..."

"Jesus Christ.  I'm not doing this tonight.  Where is Clapper?"

"You said you want to make it clap?  Well I ain't gay but a good night is a good night.  Come on make it clap on me?" he states.

Bron leans over on the stool and thrusts his hips up ready for me to dance on him.  I roll my eyes.  He smells like Tequila.  I push him down.

"Sit here...wait for me."

I needed to find Clapper.  I wanted to get out of here but I needed someone to make sure Bron got home safe.  He was a light weight.  I knew he would be the first one drunk.  He always was.  I find Clapper in the middle of the dance floor.  Talking about drunk fucking grown ass men.  There was a time Clapper would take about 50 shots before he got drunk.  That time has come and past.  He's beyond intoxicated.   The fucking kid has a cellphone to his ear and is saying he didn't like the music they played at the club so he was going to dance to his own.

Luckily I find Romelo.  He's the only one who seems to be sober.

"I need your help?"

Romelo doesn't even look my way.  Most every girl in the club is checking him out.  Literally everyone.  Maybe that's because he has his shirt down.  Earlier the girls at the table next to us were asking if he was a football player.  The motherfucker said yes.  Romelo didn't have his eyes on any of the females which was honestly really rare.  He actually had his eyes on this guy.  He's an older guy.  Could be Romelo's father.

"I'm busy."

"Staring around the club and grabbing your dick every 5 minutes so people know it's big is not being busy."

"The free drinks, free food and VIP pass in my pocket beg to differ.  Don't be mad that I'm good at flirting with rich sleazy owners of clubs.  I'm better with older men than I am with babies and dogs."

"Romelo."

I give him a hard look.  Real hard.

He looks back at me, "You're lucky I can't say no to you."

He walks over and pulls Clapper of the dance floor to bring him back to the section we are sitting in.  Thanks to Romelo it's the nicest section of the club.  When we get back however I'm shocked to see Bron almost out of it.  I'm also shocked when I see that Zima has arrived.  I look over at her and she's standing there with a Freakum dress over Labron swaying to the music and acting like she's the prettiest girl in the club.

"Where's Athena?"

"With her babysitter.  Who are you? CPS?" she asks me.

I roll my eyes, "Who invited you here?"

I knew it wasn't Labron.  I had collected Labron's phone at the beginning of all of this.  I was scared he would lose it.  I'm sure Labron hadn't gone out to drink in years.  It's no wonder he's sitting on the side of a chair barely able to open his eyes.

"I did," Romelo responds.

"Did you?" I ask, "Didn't know you two were in touch."

Weird.  Real weird.

"Relax," Romelo responds, "I reached out to our friend's girlfriend.  I figured he would want his girl here."

"Well he's showing his age, isn't he?" she says out of nowhere.

I'm annoyed. Labron wasn't old.  He was in his mid 30s and he looked 10 years younger.  He might not have Romelo's overly sexy demeanor but Labron was himself.  And that was sexy, at least to me.  I would have hoped his girl would have thought so too.  But then I see her eyes jet off to Romelo.  She must notice his oiled up chest and his good Looking, muscular, "macho"-being totally cool toward everyone and everything, very clean and neat appearance.  He gets off being a man who is 100% man: almost every lady is attracted to him because of his great charismatic ability, and when need be, he uses that attraction like a drug.

He reaches over.  He grabs her around her hips.

"I'll step in for my homie.  Let's dance girl.  Show me what you workin' wit."

Zima giggles.  Real girly like.  This shit wasn't right.  This shit wasn't right at all.  I watch how he takes her to the dance floor and the motherfucker starts grinding on her.  Romelo is GRINDING on Zima.  You would think they were at a strip club and he was damn near fucking her right in the middle of the dance floor.

The worst part of this was the level of disrespect.

"Bron you OK with that?" I ask.

"Ergh..." he edges back, searching around for a garbage can.

"This some bullshit," I state to Clapper.

"What you tripping about?"

"They dancing!"

"Isn't that what people do at a club?" Clapper asks.

He didn't get it.  He didn't fucking understand what I was trying to say.  I shake my head.

"Clapper...not like that."

"Maybe she's trying to  play mind games."

"With Bron? He's fucking out of it."

"Listen you need to stop tripping.  What the hell you think is going on?  They are just dancing.  Ain't shit else to it.  I know you have feelings for Labron but..."

"Clapper!"

"Oh shit...sorry.  It's the alcohol."

Bron was right next to us.  He hears what Clapper says.  He doesn't react though.  It must be the alcohol.  He just sits up in his chair.  He looks like one of those drunk guys who's trying his best to act sober but it really isn't working.

I stand there for a while steaming at Clapper.  He gets quiet.  Real quiet.  I knew Clapper.  I knew when he got quiet like this there was a reason.  There was always a reason.   I'm trying not to look over at Romelo and Zima.  I'm trying to pretend like it isn't bothering me.  Truth is I knew Zima was cheating on Labron.  I fucking knew it.  Every bone in my body is saying that they were cheating.    I'm surprised when I see someone across the room as I'm standing there.

Vicorio.

"You got to be kidding me," I state.

Clapper has no idea what I'm talking about.  It isn't until Vicorio crosses the room that Clapper seems to sober up just a little bit to realize who it is.  Vicorio looks good.  He looks good in the shadiest way possible though.  He's new rich.  Vicorio was never the one to not own something expensive.  And he's so specific, especially in the way he dresses.  He is rolling up in this posh club in a nice power suit that probably makes him feel real important.  The thing about him is he's so stuck up that I couldn't ever imagine him feeling like he'd need to go out and socialize.  Flirting was beneath Vicorio and the last thing he wanted to deal with were a bunch of drunks.  I'd seen him turn his nose up at Romelo and Clapper before.  I'd seen him think he was above my friends.  Yet somehow he was in a club with my friends.

He makes his way to me, leaving a group of his uppity friends that have come with him.

"So I tracked you down..."

"You came here looking for me didn't you?"

"I got ears around town.  I had to track you down.  Plus you been fucking ignoring all my calls," Vicorio states.

Vicorio sounds aggressive.  Clapper is quick to step in at that moment standing between Vicorio and me.  His eyes staring Vicorio down hard.

"Is there a problem here?" Clapper asks.

"I got this," I tell Clapper.

I hated when he did the big brother thing.  Truth was I was the big brother.  I was a man.  And just because I was the gay one in the group didn't mean I couldn't handle myself...especially when it came to Vicorio.  Vicorio looked annoyed by Clapper as if Clapper is some sort of pest that just won't go away.

Clapper does go away though and Vicorio sighs in response.

"I'm not mad at you," he states, "I'm just disappointed.  You really couldn't pick up the phone and tell me you are using my ex as your investor after all this time?"

"Ex?"

"Waverly and I separated.  She didn't tell me why..."

Funny.  He didn't know about the sex tape.  It just shows how fake his relationship to Waverly really was.  She was backpeddling out of that relationship as quickly as possible with no explanation.

I pause.  Does this mean...

Possibly.

"Divorce?" I ask.

He smiles leaning over at that moment, "That means we can be together. Finally.  I'm going to get a healthy alimony.  Maybe finally take a trip.  Take care of you. Get you anything you want."

I laugh at the thought.  He wasn't joking.  Vicorio was dead serious.  He is pressing his fingers up against my lapel.  I guess that is supposed to seduce me.  There was a time it probably would have seduced me.

"You know I've waited for years to hear that," I state shaking my head, "And now that I am hearing you say it...now that you finally want to be with me.  It all just feels...underwhelming.  I'm good.  I know you're used to being a kept man but I refuse to be one."

I deserved more than some second hand admission after all this time.  I snuck around far too long.  I wasn't even mad at Vicorio.  I allowed him to believe that my love wasn't worth monogamy.  I allowed him to believe that he could make me fall in love with him all while seducing another.  I let him think it was OK.  But fuck no.  It wasn't OK.  Not anymore.

He thinks I'm a joke.  I can see it all in his eyes.

He leans in, "Man...quit playing.  Let's leave.  I'll take you to my new condo in Society hill, lay you down on my Versace sheets,  give you this long wet dick all night long.  Doesn't that sound good."

"Back the fuck up..." a voice states.

I don't even recognize the voice which causes me to turn around.  When I turn I see none other than Labron.  He's slurring.  He sounds a goddam mess to say the very least.  He must have been listening to the conversation.  He's never met Vicorio but I've described him enough.  And somehow even in his drunken state he's managed to put two and two together.  That's the only reason nice Labron would be giving Vicorio a dirty look right now.

"See this just an example of why you need to be with me," Vicorio responds, "Look at who you surround yourself with.  I want to take you away from all this."

I don't know how it happens but Labron is on Vicorio before I can say a word.  I don't know if he punches him or tackles him.  I know he's on top of Vicorio and he's hitting him.  He's beating the fuck out of Vicorio.  I'm shocked.  His fist pummels into the side of Vicorio's head.  Regardless of what we were it is clear that right now Labron is channeling what he used to be.  And Vicorio is shocked to say the least.

They kick him out the club.  And I join him.  I keep texting his stupid ass wife until she finally comes out of the club almost 20 minutes later.

"We're going home."

"Yeah that's a good idea.  He's embarrassing me," she states.

I can't stand this bitch.  I really can't.  I bite my tongue attempting so badly not to say what I want to say to her.

"Are you coming?"

"No.  You mind picking up Athena?"

"Wait...you want me to take your husband home and then pick up YOUR daughter from the babysitter?"

"What?  I'm having fun.  I wasn't the one who got drunk and hit anyone," she responds

"I bet you're having fun..." I respond.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I don't respond to her.  I put Labron over my shoulders and get to the Uber.  I wasn't going to have her keep disrespecting my friend right to his face.  Not anymore.  Fuck that.  If she wanted to hold what I did over my head that was fine.

~

I spent the night getting Athena to bed and then putting Labron up.  I'm pissed at Zima.  Pissed wasn't even the word to describe it.  She wasn't all bad.  I had to admit she was a fun girl.  I had seen her in the club.  If she was single, I'd probably like to hang with Zima.  She had smart wit and she seemed like she knew how to have a good time.  The problem was that she was a shitty fucking wife and I couldn't fucking stand it.

"You going to be good?" I ask Labron.

Labron is drunk.  Real drunk.  Maybe that's why in the next few minutes he slides out of his shirt.  He lays it next to him throwing it on the floor of the guest bedroom.

"Where's Zima?" he asks, "I'm horny as fuck..."

"Didn't make it."

"Word?"

I laugh, "Yeah man.  She's out."

"Fuck her," he responds shaking his head and trying to sit up, "I'm going out.  I'm going to pick up some chicks."

He's drunk.  He smells like liquor.  The worst part is he tries to get up.  So much for celebrating our new job.  This entire night was one big shit show.  As he gets up I hold onto him pushing him up against a wall so he doesn't fall.  He's clearly stumbling.

"You ain't going nowhere..." I respond, "You aren't a cheater and you know it."

He laughs, "You're right, you're right.  Maybe I'll just beat off or something.  I'm hard as fuck.  Feel this."

He literally takes my hand and puts it on his cock at through his boxer shorts at that moment.  The thin fabric of his boxers makes me feel everything. I feel how swollen his cock is.  I feel the veins damn near throbbing on the sides of his huge, thick dick.  I hold onto it for a moment.  Fuck.  Now I'm hard.  I'm standing there holding onto his dick, feeling the girth of it.  My mind wanders.

I'm only interrupted by a cool laughter.

He chuckles drunkenly, "You can let go now...damn..."

"Sorry..."

He laughs at that moment, "I'm about to beat off."

Just at that moment he proceeds to take off his boxers.  They fall to his knees.  Labron is standing there with a swollen dick that is oozing with precum.   His dick is huge and his pubic hair is shaven so neatly that I can see the V-shaped muscle below.  He was one of those guys that had veins everywhere.  Veins in his thighs, veins in his abdomen and veins on his dick.  There was something so sexy and masculine about all of his veins for some reason.  His strong powerful thighs push off the wall as he starts towards the bed.   It points my way almost calling for me.  He puts the thick meat in his hands and gives it a few hard tugs.  He squeezes a good size of semen out of the tip into the palm of his hands and then uses that same semen to start lubricating the shaft of his swollen hard cock.

He lays down on the bed. One leg is posted up.  The other one lays flat.  His dick is in his hands.  His eyes look drunkenly at the roof of the room.  They sway back and forth.  I wonder if he's dizzy.

"I should leave," I state.

"Yeah?"

"Is that a question?" I ask, before hesitating for a moment, "Like...do you want me to leave?"

My mouth is watering.  I look over at him.  I don't think he hears the question at first because he isn't looking at me.  His eyes wander the room until he finds me.  For a quick second I almost believe it.  I almost believe he'll call me over there to ride his dick into the sunset.

"Yeah, silly," he states, "I told you I was bout to jerk off man.  Need some privacy for that.  You know the drill."

I would be embarrassed as fuck if he wasn't belligerently drunk, "Yeah goodnight Bron."

"Love you Nile."

"Love you too."

~

The next day everyone is hung over.  The meeting is at Clapper's apartment.  Jr. walks in sees the group of men and just walks out shaking his head.  That's what we get thinking we were still in fucking college or something.  Even I had a headache.

Romelo is the last to arrive.  He still smells like liquor.  He walks in and sits at the dining room table.

"We were supposed to meet an hour ago," I tell Romelo.

"Sorry I'm late," he says, "Had company last night."

The other boys laugh.  I think I hear Bron make a comment about him "not being shit".   He had no idea how right he was.  I wonder if he would find it funny if he knew how they were dancing last night.  I wonder if he would find it funny when he connected the dots to the fact that ZIma still hadn't shown up at my apartment by the time we left.

"We need to start talking about locations for the office," I respond, "This was an important meeting.  Everyone got fucked up last night.  Everyone else was here on time.  You need to grow the fuck up Romelo."

"Damn you OK?"  Bron asks me.

I wasn't OK.  I was onto Romelo.  I knew what he was capable of.  I knew what he had done.  I look across the table and give Romelo the shittiest look I can.  I was pissed.   I was tired of him fucking with our lives.

"He just needs some dick in his life," Romelo laughs.

The others laugh too.

I'm not amused.

"You think that's funny?" I ask Romelo.

"Yo relax, I was just fucking with you."

"You walk in here with your little smirk acting like your shit don't stink.  Acting like you can get away with everything because your whole life you've gotten away with your shady shit.  No one ever calls you out," I realize.

I was tired of it.  I want to say it here at the table right now.

"Where is this coming from?" Bron asks, "I know I was drunk last night but did I miss something?"

Romelo sits back.  He's so fucking cocky.  One of those guys who had everything handed to him.  He was attractive and he knew it.  He could fuck every girl he wanted growing up so he got bored and started fucking guys too.  Sex had gotten too easy for him so instead he got bored and started fucking with people's minds too.   Minds got too boring so he started fucking with people's lives.  The lives of strangers got too boring so he started fucking with his friends.

And he's just there.  Cocky.  Sure of himself trying to find out what is going to be his next conquest.  His next way to escape boredom.

"The truth needs to come out..." I state.

"And what truth is that?" Romelo asks me.

I was going to spill it all right then and there.  I promise I was.  Before I get the chance Clapper grabs me.  He grabs me and pulls me out of the room.

"Be right back," Clapper tells them.

He pulls me into the bedroom at that moment.  I'm pissed.  I'm beyond pissed.  I can see it all on Clapper's face that he has no time for this but I can't help myself.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Clapper states.

"Romelo is fucking Zima, Clapper.  I know it."

"Where's your proof."

I pause.

"I don't have any, but I KNOW this is true."

"No you don't," Clapper responds.

"You act like Romelo is above fucking someone we are with..." I state, "Let me not remind  you of when he did it with my ex."

"You are about to unleash something you can't take back.  Zima is Labron's wife.  Not his girlfriend.  Before you start spewing shit make sure you know for sure," Clapper states, "Listen.   Our lives are on the line here.  If this business doesn't work, we have nothing.  We have to create peace.  I'm dead broke.  My girl is draining me for everything I got.  Jr.'s custody battle is going horribly right now. I literally can't afford drama in this group."

I pause.

"Bron is our boy though."

"You could have said it a long time ago.  You didn't.  Clearly, something is holding you back."

He was right.

"Something is holding me back..." I state before pausing, "HEY BRON!  Can you come in here?"

"What the fuck are you about to do?"

"I'm going to stop it from holding me back," I state.

The bitch thought she had one up on me.  Zima assumed waving around the fact that she had my diary would stop me from telling her little secret.  Seeing her with Romelo was eating me the fuck up.  I loved Bron and I wasn't going to let this shit hold me back anymore.  Not even if it cost me my friendship.

Bron walks into the room.

My heart races seeing him standing there.  All of this comes to this moment.  I look over at Clapper.  He's shaking his head.  Right now I'm battling my head vs. my heart.

My head is saying that I should avoid telling Bron anything.  My heart is telling me that I need to tell him everything.

It isn't sitting well with me.

It isn't sitting good with me.

I have to go with my heart, "Clapper can I have a moment with Labron. Alone?"

"Nile..."

"Clapper please."

"Fine."

Clapper nods at that moment.  He finally walks out leaving me alone with Bron.  It's awkward as hell.  We sit down together.

"You OK?" he asks me looking at me.

"I have a confession to make..."

"A confession?"

Silence.

Silence so heavy that I put my head down.  It's literally a physical pain.  It's all on my shoulders.  I have so much guilt.  I know this moment is going to change everything forever.

"You know how you're a lightweight?" I admit, "One night when we were 22...I took advantage of you...while you were drunk."

"Took advantage of me?"

"You were passed out in my bed.  You were naked.  Your dick was hard and I was just so...I was so into you. I did something I shouldn't have.  I assaulted you.  I sexually assaulted you while you were asleep..."

 

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