Is it wrong to say I don't have nothing for you?
We all were raised to believe double negatives were wrong. Either you could help him or you could not help him. When two negatives are used to communicate a negative, then the usage is ungrammatical. The reason for this is that two negatives actually cancel each other out and create an affirmative statement. For example, the sentence `I don't have nothing for you' is ungrammatical because the presence of two negatives technically switches the meaning to an affirmative one, so that it means `I have something for you.'
We are taking the elevator to the floor. It's the most awkward elevator ride that I've ever had. It's just me and Romelo. I have done a walk of shame before, but never before did I have to go to the same goddam office as the person who I just had a one night stand with. It wasn't even just that either. Romelo was one of my best friends.
He looks at me he has something for me.
"So about last night..." he finally breaks the silence.
This is the last thing I want to hear from him. When he says it my face turns a ghost.
"I don't remember about last night," I state.
"I don't remember too much about last night either," he states, "But according to my dick this morning, I would say we had a pretty good time."
He bites his lips.
"Let's just be mature adults and never speak about this again."
"It happened, Nile...we need to talk about this."
"We are friends. We are business partners. Bad idea all around."
"Do I regret it? Yes," he states making me exhale and actually feel better about things at the moment. Romelo quickly switches that off with, "Would I do it again? Probably."
"I promise you whatever last night was it wasn't a mistake. Mr. Mountain wouldn't feel so good about himself if it was a mistake."
Romelo's nickname for his dick was Mr. Mountain. The fact that I fucking knew that without hesitation proves that it was a mistake for us to have sex last night.
"Romelo. It's not going to happen again."
"Why are you so scared to see what this is?"
Awkward. He turns to me. He gives me one of those smiles. I'd seen Romelo give guys and girls these smiles a million times. It's that dimple. The kind of dimple that can sell water to a well. If I was anyone but who I am I would fall for it hook line and sinker. I knew Romelo though. I'd seen Romelo sweet talk men out their 401k. I'd seen Romelo use women like pieces of checkers on a chess board. He was charming. He was a Casanova.
And I knew his game from years of looking at these poor fools and realizing what they were.
"Last night shouldn't have happened."
"But it did. For a reason. Drunk or not. You can run from it all you like. Make excuses if you want. Hell I'll make one for you. In your defense, the moon was full and you were left unsupervised," he smirks, "But we both know deep inside...last night was right."
He says it so easily. He says it as though he is just saying anything. I get off the elevator almost immediately.
I walk into the office. Romelo isn't far behind me and I need to talk to Clapper. I needed to find out what I had to do. This thing with Romelo had gone way too far. WAY too far. I find Clapper drinking coffee by a window.
"I need to talk to you,"
"Not now," Clapper states.
Clapper is in a suit. It's one of his nicer suits. He could pass for a lawyer or something right now. He looked so corporate. I could care less. Under all that I knew who Clapper was. The guy who didn't care about being called a fag when he went to the local store and bought me my first gay porn because I told him that I was too scared. The guy who went with me to get tested for HIV every single time because he knew I was so scared. That was this Clapper, even under the suit.
"Yes now. I need to tell you about last night."
"Not our fight. I'm talking about the fact that I woke up this morning with our friend's DICK in my ass!"
Just at that moment, someone clears their throat. I don't even notice at that moment. I turn and see a woman standing there. At that moment, I turn and see Labron. Labron is in a suit. A fucking suit! It would be bad enough if it was just him though. It isn't.
Labron is with a woman. She has this wide smile when she leans in and smiles.
"This is Sally Gates," Clapper introduces me at that moment, "We are meeting to kick off our distribution deal."
"Good morning," Sally states.
Sally has a big smile. Part of me wonders if it's one of those awkward `what the fuck did I just step into smiles or if it was because she didn't hear me. I lean in and shake her hand. A part of me is hoping that she didn't hear me.
But that's when I see Labron's face. I hadn't seen a face turn so evil since Scar in the Lion King. Oh, I had said it loud enough alright.
"What did you just say?" He asks me.
He damn near spits it out at that moment like venom. I'm surprised by his reaction but then again I wasn't prepared for him to be here either. I wasn't prepared to have to deal with Clapper right now. It is already clear how ridiculous this all is. I didn't get any emails from Clapper. It's beyond unprofessional. I should have been notified that we'd be having company in the office.
It's beyond awkward until Romelo shows up out of nowhere, "Mrs. Gates, you look spectacular as always."
"Oh, Romelo. You're the sweetest."
"Glad you were able to meet with us last minute. Let's get you in there. Would you like some coffee.."
"I already had some Romelo. When you asked me to do this meeting last minute I had to come running. I can't drink an ounce more, I'm trying to watch my figure, y'know?"
"You aren't the only one whose watching that amazing figure of yours, Mrs. Gates. Now would you mind meeting us in the conference room?"
He winks at her giving her a charming smile that causes the lady to blush and giggle like a little school girl. His flashy white teeth remain on his face. Romelo did always have a bright complexion due to his light skin, but today he was just glowing and he was damn near sweeping her off her feet. It feels good actually to know we had such a sweet talker on our team, regardless of what happened last night.
Labron is still looking at me, "You had sex with someone last night?"
"I'm not talking to you right now Labron."
"So because you're mad at me you go have random sex with someone?" Bron asks, "What the fuck are you thinking?"
"Who said it was random?"
"Not now," Clapper interrupts us harshly, "Both of you need to pull it together. We have a meeting. Romelo has opened up this option for us. We need to deliver."
I think about it, "We don't even have a name for the product line."
"Of course we do. It's Bron," Clapper states, "Him being the one who made the product, remember?"
He's trying to throw shade at me and I get it. When I get into the room it's clear that everything has been completely branded as BRON. I'm shocked Romelo allowed him to take all the credit. That definitely wasn't his thing but I guess these were his products after all.
The room is awkward. Mrs. Gates is an older lady. She might be in her 60s or 70s. I'd heard Romelo mention her before. A wealthy woman who had contacts all over the city. She could hook us up with a distribution deal of a lifetime if she really believed in the product. Maybe that's why everyone looks so on edge. Everyone except Romelo of course. You would think this was a walk in the park for him while the rest of us are sweating bullets. Romelo takes a seat next to me. He smiles when he does it. Cool, calm and collected. He has done his job of sweet talking her. It worked. He had wound her up. Now it was up to Bron.
Bron is in the front of the room. He has the look but he is nowhere near as good of a talker as Romelo. He's nowhere near as charming to her. I notice the lady seeming less than interested as Bron stumbles lazily through a speech that I swear sounds like Jr. wrote it in the middle of a football game.
"This here is our erm...daily moisturizer..."
While Bron is going through the skin line I feel something on my leg. At first I think it is a mistake but then I feel the hand crawling up my leg. I turn to my right. It's Romelo. His left hand is under the table. He is staring straight ahead. This room is so small and from his face you would barely realize what he's doing.
I kick his hand away causing the table to jump.
It clearly distracts Bron who just stops talking.
Clapper smiles hoping to help Bron out, "Labron put the ingredients in there himself, Mrs. Gates. It has a bunch of lightweight gel moisturizers, a total skin-repairing powerhouse with a bunch of probiotics."
The hand is back.
It crawls up my leg. I try to push it away but I can't do it without causing a scene. This room is so FUCKING small. And Romelo knows it. He KNOWS that I'm not going to make a scene in this room.
His hand climbs up my leg, higher and higher. He makes his way to my crotch. I squirm a little bit. My lips tense up. I can't let anyone know what's happening. I'm shocked when Romelo starts to squeeze my dick right through my pants. Without wanting it to I realize my dick getting harder through the slacks. The harder he squeezes, the harder my dick and the harder it is to pretend like everything is OK.
Mrs. Gates smells the product, "This some sort of family secret?"
Romelo slowly starts to lower my fly. What the FUCK is he doing?
My dick flops out of my fly. Romelo's smile gets even wider.
Bron seems to notice my discomfort, "Excuse me?"
"She asked if it was a family secret," Clapper responds, "And the answer is no. Bron created the entire line himself. He was really into chemistry growing up. Used to mix all types of things together and we'd always wonder why. Until one day we found out."
My dick is in Romelo's hands right now. It's in his palm. He starts to stroke me underneath the table. I feel this pressure on my chest. He's so slick with it that you barely even notice his hand moving. It feels so good. He strokes so slowly. It's like he has a rhythm to it. It's so fucking deep.
"Ughhh.." I moan almost all of a sudden.
It sounds like a moan too. I mean it sounds like some deep porno type moan. No one can misread this as a moan of clear pleasure. Romelo stays still, raising an eyebrow as though wondering what's wrong with me.
"You OK?" Bron asks.
I look over at Romelo when I say that. He's enjoying this. He's torturing me. My dick spasms. It feels like it wants to burst right then and there.
Clapper smiles, "Bron why don't you tell Mrs. Gates about the restorative eye cream with the combo of vitamin A and E and antioxidants..."
"Actually I'm not interested in that..." Mrs. Gates responds.
Clapper starts panicking, "We also have a botanical moisturizer, some raw scented shea butter, Bron's special argan oil."
His rhythm gets faster and faster. Fuck. I lean over. Goddam. He plays with my hand rubbing it between his fingers tips. He goes harder and harder. He's beating my dick harder and harder. I'm panting. Fuck it feels so good. My heart is racing wondering if anyone will notice.
There is a sound. A sound of skin on skin. I notice it. I DEFINITE notice the smacking sound. Romelo slows down but he doesn't stop. He keeps going. Now his strokes just get longer, quieter. But he isn't stopping!
"You're not selling me," Mrs. Gates states, "What separates these products from the rest of the things out there?"
"The ingredients. Bron can go through all the special are features in BRON products."
Bron is looking my way completely losing his train of thought and probably figuring out what the hell is happening. Clapper is panicking attempting to get things back on track. I'm struggling to keep my composure and Romelo is smiling. Smiling while jerking me off.
And I'm close. SO. FUCKING. CLOSE..
Bron gets up, "I need some air. Excuse me."
"I guess if the inventor of the product doesn't believe in them, why should I?" Mrs. Gates asks.
This was going bad. So bad. And Romelo was just jerking me off more and more. Harder and harder. And that's when it happens.
I orgasm. The cum sprays out of my dick like a fountain. The thick semen shoots at first and then slowly begins to come out in a thicker format, trickling slowly all over Romelo's fingertips.
And that's when I see him do it. Without a care in the world or without even hesitating. Romelo licks his fingers. He licks my manhood right off his fingers in that office. He licks every last drop of it. I can't fucking believe it.
"What was that about?" Mrs. Gates asks.
There is no more hiding it. I can see Clapper desperate to figure out something but I just shake my head.
"Passion. Our products have...um...passion," I improvise, "That's what that scream was. YES! HELL YES! Don't you feel it. Don't you feel the energy? That's what people are going to say when they use Romelo's products."
It is beyond awkward. It is beyond weird. And all I can think about is the fact that I just literally climaxed into a room and it was kind of obvious.
After the meeting, it's even worse. Mrs. Gates leaves and the rest of us are left gathered around in the office just looking dumb. I already know I'm about to get chewed out. I already know shit is about to go left. I can feel it. I can see it on Clapper's face when he walks Mrs. Gates to her car. He was pissed.
When he returns it's just silent.
"What...the fuck...just...happened..." Clapper asks.
"Pretty sure Romelo just gave Nile a handjob under the table," Bron lets out.
The tension is thick. It's like bubbling right before a storm. I look over at Romelo. He is the only one who doesn't seem on edge like the rest of us. He leans up against the water machine that he brought in here not too long ago. He literally drinks the water, slowly, loosens his tie and stands there.
"So you guys noticed..."
"Did we notice? Did we notice?" Clapper asks, "DID WE FUCKING NOTICE!"
That's when Clapper goes for him. Clapper literally is about to strangle Romelo right there. I literally have to hold him back. I tackle Clapper into to the ground and hold him. I swear I think he was two seconds away from beating Romelo to a pulp. Romelo doesn't even wrinkle his suit in response.
"He looked like he was on edge. I didn't think anyone would notice. C`mon. You guys never fantasized about messing around with someone in the boardroom?"
"You two messing around now?" Bron asks.
I try to read Bron's expression. I hate that I do. I hate that I want to know if he's jealous or not. I can't tell. It's stupid that I'm even thinking like this. The guy has clearly shown me his colors but still, here I am wondering if he's jealous of what just went down. I can't tell. I just can't. I hate that I can't read him.
"We had a good night. Followed by a damn good fantasy fulfilled," Romelo states, "If you are looking for me to say that I regret what happened. It won't. No regrets here."
Same old Romelo. He was rebellious and he was clearly not going to apologize for what happened. I don't know who is more pissed. Clapper with his anger or Bron with his silent distaste. It's both tense.
"A fantasy is not reality DUMBASS!" Clapper states throwing his laptop to the ground and causing it to crash into a million pieces while we were standing right there, "This was one of our most important deals and you blew it because you NEEDED to get your dick wet with one of your best friends."
"Actually I got his dick wet..." Romelo corrects him with a smile.
I grab Clapper before he can get to Romelo again, "Romelo you are NOT helping here."
"Everyone needs to relax," Romelo argues, "She probably didn't notice anything," Romelo tries to argue.
I shake my head, "She knew. I could see it on her face. She knew I was cumming. Literally there is no sound like the sound of a man busting a nut. She fucking knew."
"How long has this been happening?" Bron asks.
"It's none of your business," I tell Bron.
It just sucks that Romelo is on the receiving side of this.
"You were right," Clapper states looking at me, "We should have NEVER involved Romelo."
"You said that?" Romelo asks.
I pause. Fuck.
I hate this. I hated the fact that Romelo had become enemy number 1.
"You couldn't blame me," I try to defend my actions, "Romelo you have always been difficult..."
Romelo shakes his head, "Man fuck this."
"Where are you going?"
"Don't matter," Romelo pushes past me, "You didn't want me here anyway. Go crawl up Bron's ass. Maybe one day he'll actually like gay anal."
Bron and Clapper are both about to say something else to Romelo but he's not having it. Romelo storms out of the room as quick as he can. The look on Romelo says it all. He gets to the elevator. He looks beyond pissed. I can see it all over his face. Romelo is not having this and it's clear as day.
When he gets to the elevator I try to stop him. The others are back there. It's just me and Romelo now. I feel bad for everything I said to him.
"What you chasing me for?"
"Because I care about your feelings," I state.
"Since when?" he asks me, "Since when do you even realize I'm there. Since when do you even realize me staring at you or me going out of my way to make you mine. All you see is Labron. How shy he is. How perfect he is. How you're meant to be? He'll never see you that way. You know why? Because while you were chasing Labron, I was chasing you. And you never see me that way. You just don't."
Was this true? Had there been feelings from Romelo for all this time and I just missed them? I try to look back. I try to see things. I remember little weird things like Romelo always trying to sabotage every relationship I was in. I thought he was just jealous and didn't want to see me. Looking back could that have been his own immature way of wanting to have me to himself? I remember him always in my face growing up. ALWAYS. I found it so annoying. He was like that little brother that just wouldn't go away. The one that tried way too hard to be cool and down. Was that another sign that there was something more.
Well, the guy who was like my little brother wasn't so little anymore. He was a grown man.
That's when he admits it all.
"I'm in love with you. Since the first time, I met you. Our moms literally made us go to the same band seminar. And we both hated music and ended up ditching. I remember us sneaking behind the bleachers every day and getting high. I remember us telling each other stories. You telling me that you didn't feel the same way about girls the way your dad feels about your mom. Me making a joke out of it. Remember what I said?"
"You said being gay was OK. Being bisexual was OK. Being transgendered was OK. You asked me if I wanted to know what wasn't OK. I said yes. You said not being yourself."
He nods. I'm surprised I remember the memory myself.
"I was going to kiss you that day," Romelo states, "Never knew I had feelings for another guy until that moment. I had licked my lips. I had leaned over. I can still smell the taste of loud on your lips. I still see you puffing not realizing what I was going to do. But then you turn away. You say the bus is coming. That is the same day that Bron shows up on that bus. And that was the last time you see me. The last time you REALLY see me. From that moment on I'm invisible to you."
I pause, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"I tried to kiss you 15 other times after that. 15. There was even the one time I made it to your lips and you thought I was joking. It was never a joke. You'd laugh and find some reason to go find Bron. I was a joke to you. And it fucked with me man. So I became this...character. I became this guy so desperate for the attention that I lost out with you."
I stare down at the ground. I'm a little ashamed of myself. Romelo seems to smack himself and realize where he is at that moment.
"What am I doing?" he asks running his fingers through his hair, "You don't care about any of this."
"I do care Romelo. I see you now...and I'm asking you...please don't leave."
I meant it whether he believed me or not. Romelo always seemed to be extra. And I never got it. It was always as though he was trying to over-compensate for something through trying to be this blunt overconfident sexy person. It was all a fašade. And right now as I block his elevator I realize how much of an impact our upbringing has had on him this entire time.
"They won't even notice I'm gone. No one will. Mr. Invisible. They won't even know I'm gone."
"You can't blame them for being mad. You messed with a client."
"I brought them that client. If you paid attention to her for two seconds you would have realized she was more interested in us then she was the lotions. She has a boring life and she's doing this for some excitement. You orgasming probably made her entire afternoon. She loved every moment of it. I do everything for a reason. I figured this lady out a long time ago. Before I brought her here. Before I grabbed your dick. I knew what would keep her interest. Something new, something she could gossip about to put some excitement into her bland life."
"I didn't know that."
"That's what I do. I figure people out. All except you though," he tells me, "You're the one puzzle I've never been able to solve."
With that, he pushes my hand away from me blocking the door. And he leaves. Just like that.
I walk into the office. I feel like shit. Clapper and Bron are sitting across from each other. It's quiet. They look like they are talking.
"Tell him what you just said," Clapper tells Bron when I walk in.
It's clear they were talking about something important. The look on their faces says it all. They are so nervous looking.
"You tell him," Bron states.
Something weird is happening here.
"We think it's time to get rid of Romelo," Clapper states out of nowhere, "Especially after the stunt he pulled today."
"Romelo is one of us. I know what he pulled today was...embarrassing but Romelo is our friend."
"You were the Captain of the 'Romelo is trouble' squad," Clapper nods, "Now all of a sudden you changed your tune?"
"I wonder why that is," Bron sighs.
I don't like his tone. I don't like how Bron says it.
Clapper shakes his head, "Let's not make this personal. Romelo is a wildcard and it's about time that he left."
Wildcard? Wildcard. I watch how Bron nods at that moment. I watch how Clapper is so full of himself. I wonder if Bron would be so easy to agree with Clapper if he knew what Clapper had done with his wife. I shake my head. I'm disgusted. Romelo was right. He was so misunderstood.
"I don't want him gone."
"Because he's fucking you?" Bron asks.
I can't believe Bron is acting like this.
"What's your fuckin' problem man?" I ask.
"You are. You get so dick crazy."
"Funny because when I was dick crazy over you, there were no complaints," I state.
"That's what this is about?" Bron asks, "You a grown ass man Nile. You need to start acting like it. I'm straight and you've always known it. I was always honest with you about my sexuality. And because you don't like something I do you end up sleeping with Romelo---a guy you hate. The only reason you even gave Romelo a shot is to try and get back at me. It's the only fucking reason."
"I was hurt. You knew I liked you. You set me on a blind date."
"I'm STRAIGHT?" Bron barks at me, "Get it through your fucking head. I don't fucking want you and I never fucking will."
I feel like shit when I say that. I feel worse than shit. I just get up silently and leave. I walk to the elevator. I'm playing on my phone. I'm doing anything to stop from crying but the tears are there. There is this feeling of rejection. Maybe he had a point. Maybe he always had a fucking point.
I was dick crazy.
I was over 30 and single. I made horrible life choices. I couldn't get it right. And I had fallen in love with a man who would never love me.
Bron had finally made that clear.
And it didn't hurt any less. Rejection was a bitch.
"You shouldn't leave," Clapper states.
He walks over to the elevator with the typical Clapper look on his face. I'm wiping my tears away and he catches me. He reaches in to give me a hug or something but I push him away. I'm pissed that him and Bron were attempting to do this to Romelo.
"I don't need you out here."
"Come back in. Bron is just trying to be honest with you. I know the truth hurts. And I'm sorry you're in pain. He wants you to come back inside and talk this Romelo situation through."
"There is no Romelo situation. If Romelo leaves, I leave. Period."
"Don't be like that. Don't make me choose. Romelo is reckless. He needs to go."
"Well, then I'm gone too. Bye."
"Nile! NILE! Where the hell are you going?"
"My car's here."
My safety blanket. He picks me up. After all the high drama in the office, I know that this is someone who is going to be there when I call him. He has this smirk on his face when I open the door to his nice ass car. I hate the smirk. It's the most pompous smirk I've ever seen in my life.
"I knew you'd come back," he tells me.
I never could get too far away. I just remember sitting in the car and wondering what the idea of a Vicious Circle is. It's a sequence of reciprocal cause and effect in which one or more elements intensify and aggravate each other, leading to a worsening of a situation.
A vicious circle was the story of my life.
"You should give me some head," he says with one hand on the wheel.
You would think Vicorio would ask me how my day was or why I was crying. It was all about him. It was always all about what made him happy. What made Vicorio happy was having a sucker around me. Literally, in this situation, I was that sucker as I unbuckle his pants and put his dick to the back of my throat. I make gargling noises as a salty taste fills my mouth telling me that he hadn't even showered. It doesn't matter. I can't refuse him. I never could.
Nothing would ever change.
And all of a sudden all I see is black.
I wake up confused. It feels, when I awake, literally like returning from the dead - like I was nowhere, then returned to confused existence, to bells and beeps and people shouting "He's awake!"
I feel all this weakness, nausea and a terrified confusion. What happened? Gradually I recall the last thing I was doing was sucking Vicorio's dick while he was driving at his order. I am confused why there is a ventilator hose down my throat and 20-something IV's running and being down with more tubes and wires than I could count.
I can't say anything because of the hose in my throat.
And there is a man. A doctor or maybe a nurse. At this point, I can't tell the difference. They approach me.
"Try to relax," he tells me, "Try not to panic. It's not every day someone wakes up from a 5-year coma."
To read the next chapter go to www.crushedcrown.com