I raise my voice to sing.  We are at our performance at the protests.  The protestors have been out there all day so we decide to bring just a few instruments out there and give them a song.  Before I know it we have a huge crowd of people surrounding us.  

And as my band begins to play I see him standing there.  It’s Wren.  He stands in the front row and waves at me.  Our eyes connect.  There is this dynamic push at that moment.  This push that drives my soul to perform tonight.  He’s not supposed to be here.   He’s not supposed to be in the crowd.    But I told him about my performance in passing and somehow he has managed to make his priority to make it here.  

“You ready?” Pompey asks me.

I nod, turning to the crowd.

“If I ain't got nothing, I got you

If I ain't got something I don't give a damn, 'cause I got it with you

I don't know much about algebra, but I know one plus one equals two…”

I remember last night when he came into the shower while I was washing and made love to me.  Or how he woke me up the day to breakfast in bed complete with flowers and champagne.  Or the week before that he heard me have a mental breakdown when I heard sirens and started to shake violently.  That night he climbed into my bed and held me the entire night rocking me.   I woke up the next morning to him still up, still rocking me back and forth to make sure that I was asleep.

That’s the kind of guy Wren was.

“And it's me and you

That's all we'll have when the world is through

'Cause baby we ain't got nothing without love

Darling you got enough for the both of us

So come on baby, make love to me

When my days look low, pull me in close and don't let me go.”

I think about how he felt inside of me.  Wrapping himself around me like a BOA constrictor and entering me deeply as one would as well.   I found myself overwhelmed with the emotion of the two weeks we’d had since we first had sex.  They could have been some of the best two weeks in my life.   Spending so much time with Wren that I hear myself soaked in emotion that I’d never felt before.

Not even with Coin.

“Make love to me---

so when the worlds at war, that our love heal us all

Right now baby make love to me…

 me... me...

Me…

Me…”

I was starting to have feelings for Wren.

The performance ends and I find Wren at the bottom of the stage.   As soon as I see him my heart melts when I see how he smiles at me.  There is a way that he just seems to come alive when we meet lately.  

“Damn you were so good,”  he states…

“Thanks, friend…”

It was weird saying, friend.   The truth is we hadn’t had many discussions about what was happening between us since it started happening.  We had sex...a  lot, but we never defined anything.  We never spoke about it.   When the intimate times happened, they just happened.  And the intimate times weren’t always about sex.  Wren had a way of pulling these intimate moments so naturally that I found myself getting lost in him.

“I know you said I shouldn’t be here but I couldn’t miss one of your first performances,” he explains to me.

I lean into him, “Wren.  These protestors are mad about the rumors that your father personally knew Coin.  If someone finds out who you are…”

At the beginning of the protest, things were violent.  They had settled down now to be mostly peaceful but that didn’t matter if the right spark showed up.   The son of Officer McHenry could be that right spark.  

“You worried about me?”

“Wren...c’mon…”

It’s too late.  He wraps his arms around me right there in the middle of the crowd.  His eyes are looking right into me.  All I feel is this smoldering need for me coming off of him.  His lips are dangerously close to mine.

“Yo----Dijon.  Taz wants us.”

I’m shocked when I hear someone interrupt us but it’s Pompey.  I realize at that moment how bad it could have been if it was anyone else.

I turn to follow Pompey looking over at Wren, “I’ll see you back at the room.”

The way he looks at me licking his lips and squinting drives me wild.  Wren nods and walks away with a swag that makes me almost melt.

He was doing something to me.  Something serious.

And I’m not the only one who notices.  Pompey immediately gives me this demon look when I turn around and look at him.

“What the hell is going on between you and that white boy?” Pompey asks.

“That’s between me and him.”

As I’m walking he comes up behind me.  The way he turns me around lets me know that he means business.  I’ve never really seen Pompey this serious and that was saying something because he was always serious.  

“Until Taz finds out.  Taz is feeling you.  I warned you two not to get involved but now you are and he’s all in his feelings about you.”

“He hasn’t even talked to me in two weeks.”

“He’s waiting on you to talk to him.”

I’m so confused, “I’m not playing these games.”

“But Taz is. That doesn’t even matter Dijon and you know it,” Pompey warns me shaking his head over and over, “Have you thought about what Taz would do if he finds out you played him for a WHITE boy?”

I don’t answer.  I don’t think Pompey expects me to answer because he just walks away and I’m left wondering if the guy had a point.

~

Taz has really been MIA since we got rid of Andrew’s body. When we roll up on him he’s talking to Kesean as Kesean packs up his instruments into his dad’s truck.   I have to admit there is something still so sexy about Taz even after all of this.  He’s stripped out of the shirt that he had because it was drenched with sweat from the performance.   Now he just had on a white beater that clung his body in all the right places.  

“Damn---bro you killed that shit!”  Kesean says when he sees me, “Didn’t think you had that in you Dijon.   What were you thinking about?”

My mind shifts at that moment to Wren.  It was hard not to think about Wren all the time.  The worst I fought it the more I thought about him.  I couldn’t help myself at this point.

I notice Pompey staring at me knowing exactly what I had on my mind.  

“Nothing,” I answer.

Pompey was right.  Taz didn’t need to know anything about how close me and Wren were getting right about now.  It would cause more issues than good with the kind of temper that Taz had.  It was best to just leave that separate.

That’s when Taz looks at me.  The way he looks at me almost feels as though he could read my mind.   It’s as though he can see directly into my soul.

“There’s something wrong…” he says.

“What is it?” Kesean asks, “Dijon sounds  perfect.”

Taz’s stare was intense.  Fuck.  Did he know?  Could he have known about what was going on between me and Wren?  Perhaps he’d seen us when we didn’t realize.

“We need a backup singer,” he surprisingly says, “Especially if we are going to enter the War of the Bands tournament coming up.  It requires a backup singer.”

Taz takes a flyer out of his pocket and circles it around to everyone.  We all read the requirements of it.  Immediately I was nervous.  We were a new band.  We’d just really started out and were really trying to find out groove.  Were we ready to compete?

Kesean barely reads the flyer, just looking at the pictures of all the white bands that are being portrayed and says, “Man this for white folks…”

“Fuck that.  Grand prize is 50k,” Pompey states after reading it a little bit more.

Kesean grabs the flyer, “Hold up...lemme see that.”

“Don’t matter.  We are donating the money to Coin’s family,”   Taz states.

Kesean and Pompey both look like they have lost their cool in that moment when they hear Taz say that.   I’m kind of surprised too.  That was a lot of money to be giving away if we won.

“Bro...you trippin,” Kesean states.

“Maybe half,” Pompey adds.

“All of it,”  Taz responds, “Coin was our boy.  He had a little sister that he was helping to take care of.  His mother injured her back and can’t work.  As men, we need to step in and do our part in our homie’s memory.”

There seems to be a bit of reluctance with everyone.  

“Bro that kind of money would change a lot for us,” Kesean states, “I love Coin but…”

“They are letting him out.”

We all turn to Taz.  We all looked a little shocked.

“What?”  I ask.

“They are letting Officer McHenry out of jail,” Taz states, “That lie in the trial that they knew each other made the judge grant his bail.”

The trial was still going on.  It was a long one and after my testimony, everyone assumed McHenry was a goner so McHenry kept asking for more time.   Now that this came out from the trial things were so fucked up.

“How the fuck they gonna say Coin knew this cop.  Where the fuck they met?” Kesean rolls his eyes, “A country club?”

“It’s bullshit,” Pompey agrees, “They just trying to distract from the case.”

“It’s don’t matter,” Taz states, “He’s out on jail.  I think the family needs all the support they can get right about now.  This is why we need to give the money away.”

It’s moments like this that made me realize just how rare of a person Taz is.   It’s beautiful that he wants to give money to Coin’s family.  It’s selfless in a way.   It shows this deep level of understanding that I don’t think me or the other boys have.   I can read the reluctance in the room.   He needed support right now.

And I give it to him.

“You’re right,” I say.

The other guys come around too but I can tell by their faces afterward that they aren’t doing so willingly.   It’s so clear that Taz finds it necessary to track me down as I’m leaving and grab me up to thank me for the support.

“That meant everything to me man,” Taz states.

“Well, you supporting Coin meant everything to me,” I respond.

I try to walk away thinking we are done talking but we aren’t.  Taz grabs me up using his hands to scoop me by the waist and holding on tightly to my waist until we are looking right into each other’s eyes.  

“Lemme take you home,” he offers.

“It’s OK…”

“I insist.”

The car ride is awkward.   It’s awkward because it’s the first time that I’ve been with Taz alone since we argued over the Andrew situation.   I can tell things aren’t the same to us.  Taz and I never talked for a long time but it wasn’t awkward.  He always had this smoldering look like he had something on his mind but usually, that was something outside of me.   Now was different though.  He keeps looking over at me as I’m silently sitting down in the car as though he had something to say.

He speeds through traffic and I can’t help but to stare back.   Taz was still this sexy firecracker to me.  His complexion was this rich sandy brown and I notice how it contrasts against my brown as we are sitting in the car.  It made me wonder if Coin was as bright as Taz if he would have been killed by that cop.  

Our faces turn to look at one another.  

“Yo—-I miss hanging with you,” Taz says out of nowhere,  “Something else got your attention?”

“We hang out.   We been rehearsing…”

The car is stopped in front of my dorm.   He doesn’t leave.  He does the opposite.  He leans his seat all the way back as though getting comfortable.   You would think being back on campus after what happened the last time would make him uncomfortable but it doesn’t.

He shakes his head, “Nah yo.   I mean just the two of us.   On our own.”

“Whose fault was that?”

We stopped talking when Taz felt like I didn’t have his back during the whole Andrew thing.  

“Don’t be difficult bro,” he responds putting his hand on the side of my face and looking at me,  “I just see you in a whole different light.  Just how real you are.   I didn’t expect you to be defending that white boy.”

“Not all of them are bad.”

“I know that.  You don’t think I don’t know that?  I ain’t some racist.   But I also know that the ones that go here.  Man, they the worst.”

He must have included Wren in that category.  Wren went here.  But he wasn’t bad.  I knew that for a fact.   The more time I spent with Wren the more I realized he was a good person.

“Taz if Andrew knows that you attacked him…”

“You scared he’s gonna snitch….” he finishes off my sentence looking at the dash and grabbing his nuts through his jeans.

He gives it a long hard pull adjusting himself in a way only Taz can make look actually sexy and not crude.

“I’m nervous.  That’s all I’m saying.”

“Is that why we haven’t been hanging out?”  He asks with a sneer, “Pompey finally convince you that I was a bad influence on you…”

“No…”

“Maybe someone else has.  Someone like him…”

He turns and I see that Wren is jogging.   It’s typical Wren shirtless on campus causing all the girls to break their necks as he runs past.   He was soaking wet with sweat.  At first, he doesn’t see me but when he does he stops not too far away from the car and gives me a head nod.  I notice he must realize that I’m in the car with Taz.   He doesn’t go in.  He just stands outside ...almost as though waiting for me to come out of the car.

“Stop trippin.  Wren has nothing to do with this.”

“I need to know that if shit hits the fan… you gonna be down with my side.”

“This ain’t a game Taz…”

“Nah it ain’t.  This is real life.  That’s why I need a rider.  You are that rider.   Tell me I’m not making up shit between us.   You know we were vibing.  Tell me you didn’t feel anything during that kiss…”

I hadn’t expected Taz do come at me with all the passion he does.  When I turn I notice that he means it and honestly feeling that passion makes my heart almost thump through my chest.

“Taz...I…”

It was as though in that moment Taz knew that I was forgetting about those moments we shared.  He had something to prove.   He grasps the side of my face and pulls me towards him.  His lips press up against my face.  His tongue ravaged my mouth.   He’s an aggressive kisser showing me exactly how much he’s been thinking about me with his mouth.  He bends my neck.  He cradled my body.  His hands explore grabbing first on the back of my head,  then scaling my spine, and then finally grabbing onto my ass as he lifts me off of the seat and pulls me towards his seat.   Somehow he has me in his lap straddling me.

I can feel something below me.   It’s a rock hard dick.   He knows I feel it.  I can just tell by how his eyes squint looking at me.  

He grabs on my waist and rocks me back and forth so the seat of my ass grinds hard against his hardened dick.  And then out of nowhere, he begins to unbuckle my pants.

“What are you doing...it’s broad daylight….”

“You think I give a fuck about these people?” Is his answer.

I try to resist but that just seems to turn him on even more.  As I try to move back to my seat he leans up and corners me on the dashboard.   His tongue laps my neck causing me to lean my head back.  Big mistake.   He bites down on my Adam’s Apple firmly.  So firm that I think he’s going to leave a mark.  

His hands have somehow managed to maneuver underneath my pants.   I can warm hard fingers exploring the crack of my ass.    When I let out a moan he is back to exploring my mouth.   His tongue down my throat.   He does it for so long that my ass begins to get so wet it leaks.

“People can see us…”

“Let them watch….”

He holds my ass cheek and squeezes it making sure that I knew that this wasn’t just one kiss.  This was something more.  

Then I felt something pushing at the entrance to my sore little asshole, and in a moment Taz’s own big dick surged up inside me. It completely filled up my hole and I gasped, feeling the pleasure and pain that he wanted to bring me.

He pumped away at me, holding my hips to keep me steady and upright, and at this point there was no more resistance.  I turn out the window and I see him.  

I see Wren walking away.

Fuck.  Did he see something?  Had he known what was going down in this car?.

Taz didn’t seem to care. As soon as he established a rhythm, he began pounding me as hard and as fast as he could. I was weak and shaky and sore and I felt wild doing this in the middle of the day on campus.

In just a few minutes I felt his hot cum filling me up, and despite everything how embarrassed I was with people walking by I found myself cumming right along with him without even touching myself. He kept his cock deep inside me until he was completely spent. When he suddenly pulled out I  gasped, and I felt so empty that I wished he was still inside me. Even though it hurt, it was still the best moment of the night.

Taz let me move back to my side of the car.   He just keeps looking at my lips.  His dick was still exploding and leaking all over.   He grabbed my chin and moved my head and nudged my lips with his cock. I opened them, and he pushed inside my mouth. I knew what came next, and I eagerly sucked every bit of our juices off his penis. I did my best not to break eye contact with Taz while I worked, and I watched as he screwed up his face in ecstasy, cumming again fully even though his hands had never left the steering wheel.

All of a sudden right after I just felt… wrong.    Me and Wren have been spending a lot of time together.   What I did was wrong just now.

Taz sure doesn’t think it when he turns to me and says, “Damn baby…”

“That wasn’t supposed to happen…” I state.

My face is red with embarrassment.  I don’t know how I got sucked into fucking Taz in the middle of campus.  I’m not sure how I could be so fuckin stupid.  

Taz shakes his head,  “It was perfect.   It was…”

“It wasn’t perfect Taz.  What the fuck am I to you?  We just fucked in a car?  Is that supposed to mean something?”

Taz sighs a bit,  “Stop tripping.   You wanted it just as much as I did.”

I roll my eyes,  “Man I gotta go.”

Taz tried to stop me but I exit the car before I can give him a chance.  My head is down as I make the long walk to my dorm room.  Every part of me feels sick to my stomach wondering how I would feel if I saw Wren just having sex randomly outside after all the moments that him and I had shared.   It would kill me.

And for some reason what I'd just done was killing me also.   I hated myself as I walk to the room.  I’m almost in tears and I open the door.

I see him standing there in the room.  

“Wren?”

“Wassup?”

He turns to me and I almost have a breakdown.  I don’t know how to react to this.  I don’t know how the hell I'm supposed to explain what just happened with Taz when I don’t understand myself what just happened with Taz.  

“I’m so sorry…”

It’s the only thing that I can think to say.  What’s weird though is his reaction.   He twists up his face in this confused manner and looks at me.

“About what?”

He didn’t see.   He didn’t know what happened outside with me and Taz.  

“Nothing…”

“You sure?“ he asks.

I nod, “Yeah.”

  Spending time with Wren just felt right.   It felt perfect.  The car sex with Taz, as hot as it was, felt like a mistake.  It felt like something I shouldn't have been doing.  

“Close your eyes,” he states.

“What?”

“I wanna show you something.”

I do what he says even though not quite in the mood for it.   Nonetheless, when I close my eyes he comes up behind me.

After a few seconds, I open it and see that there is a flyer in my hand.   I look at it and read what the flyer says.

“Race relations forum?”

“This weekend,” he says, “I wanted to do it so that we can have a place where people can hear about Cory Washington’s life.”

I’m confused and somewhat suspicious, “You didn’t even know Coin.”

 He shrugs, “That’s the point.   So many people in this school they look at your friend like he was just some random thug.   I want to honor him.  The right way.    The more people at school know his story, the more people will be able to empathize.”

He wanted to bring two communities together.   I can tell by the concept on the flyer.   A black guy and a white guy smiling seemingly enjoying one another.   Words on the flyer stuck out like “together” and “United”.

All of a sudden tears start flooding my eyes.

“This is perfect…”

I don’t know why it means so much.  I don’t know why I get so emotional.  Maybe because I knew that where Coin was from,  people didn’t get honored.  Not by strangers in some collegiate forum.   The most Coin could ask for was a T-shirt with his face on it and some liquor poured out on the concrete.  This was different.  This took effort.

“I’ve been planning for a few weeks now.  I’ve reached out to you friend for help.  What’s his name again…”

“Pompey….”

Please be Pompey.  He was the only one who probably wouldn’t have completely embarrassed me.

“Taz.”

“Oh fuck…”

“What?” He asks, shaking his head,  “He thought it was a good idea.”

“He did?” I ask seemingly surprised.

“Yeah.  Had a lot of questions about us though.  Was trying to pry.   I may be imagining it though…”

“Taz can be a little...intense…”

“Especially when it comes to you,” he states probably recalling the last encounters with Taz,  before adding, “Do I have a reason to be worried?”

The way he asks me drops butterflies in my stomach.   For Wren to be worried about how Taz felt about me meant that he cared.   It’s the slightest thing but it makes me feel all warm but also makes me feel a bit guilty about what went down between me and Taz.  

“No,” I lie, “Of course not…”

“Good cause you’re kind of special,” Wren says out of nowhere and leans forward pressing his hand up against my face,  “You’re really special to me actually.”

I want to ask him what he means by that.   I want to ask him to define whatever was happening between us but then I have to remember not too long ago Wren had a girlfriend.   This was all so new to him.  It was all so new to me too.  We came from two different worlds.  I didn’t want to put the pressure on him but at the same time I knew me having sex with Taz had just complicated things more than I could ever know.

~

“You look nice,” Wren says,  “Thanks for agreeing to perform.”

I volunteered to perform on stage at Wren’s event.  Being there for Wren in a situation like this where he was trying to bridge the gap of race meant the world to me.   Right now there is a short monologue playing on-screen to a small crowd.  It’s about unity and peace.  That kind of thing  The kind of thing Wren was good at.

“No problem.”

Our eyes connect and we laugh shortly together.

“Here let me fix you up…”

He helps me with my tie.   It is the night of the Racial Forum comes faster than I expect.   I arrive with Wren.  I didn’t have a suit so he lets me borrow one of his old ones before he gained all the muscle.   It fits really nice on me.   People pour into the venue and for the first time, it seems like it isn’t just people from one neighborhood or another.  

“It’s crowded out there.  How’d you get all these people to show up?”

Wren shrugs,  “I think a lot of people can feel the racial tension.   I think a lot of people want to find a way to make sure this thing doesn’t escalate…”

I notice the black faces coming in mixing with the college students.   I look out into the crowd and that’s when I see her.  Coin’s mother.  She is being escorted by Pompey, Kesean, and Taz.  

“You invited his mother?”  I ask Wren.

“No actually. I think your band brought her,” he says, “I was actually hoping.  I was thinking if your band performed with you things would just work out.”

He had a point.  Still, I feel nervous when I walk away from him.   He’s going out to introduce me and the band but before then the band comes up to me.  

“Surprised you agreed to do this,” I tell Taz, “Working with Wren for this event…”

Taz shrugs, “I may not be as bad as you think I am.”

He smiles at me, reaching for my hand when they call us up and pulling me up on stage with him.  It’s hard to be mad or suspicious with him when he smiles at me the way he does.   There is this feeling of comfort as we get up to the stage and I’m leaning not too far from his piano.  Our eyes connect as he begins to play the soft melodies of 3 Little Birds by Bob Marley.    

This was the best song to sing.  A song from Bob Marley who found greatness attempting to keep unity amongst a civil war.  

“Don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin': "don't worry about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',

Smiled with the risin' sun,

Three little birds

Pitch by my doorstep…”

I am looking out into the crowd.  I see Wren close to the stage.  He smiles at me.  I smile back at him.  But then right past him, I see someone.   Someone who puts his hand on his shoulder.  And all of a sudden I’m inflamed.

“Pitch by my doorstep...door...step…”

“You OK?” I hear someone from the band, possibly Kesean ask when I keep repeating my words.

That’s because I realize that someone uninvited has made it to the stage.  Andrew was here.

I don’t know why I react the way I do.   I jump off the stage and run towards the back.  Something about seeing Andrew sets me off.   The fact that he was here meant a lot to me.   And not in a good way.  

I’m hiding backstage biding my time when Taz comes back there to see me.

“Are you OK…”. Taz states.

“Yeah, it’s just…” I start hesitating and finally spitting it out,  “Andrew is here….”

Taz looks over at me,  “You can’t run off on us like that.   Your white friend had to jump on stage and finish your song.”

I’m shocked,  “Wren can sing?”

How did I not know that?

Taz laughs a little bit,  “He can actually sing really well.  Not like you though.  Still.  This makes the band look bad.   Which is why you should have stayed.  Never let anyone take your mic….”

Taz was all worried about the image of the band.  A white boy jumping into his all-black band was something above what he could tolerate.  I roll my eyes as to how small-minded and racist he can be without even really knowing it.   If you ask Taz up and down he would swear he was ok with white people but his problem was the kind of white people he encountered.   I was starting to doubt that.

The performance is over and as I’m talking to Taz,  Wren walks you.    He looks confused about why I ran off stage.

“Before you ask,  Andrew is out there,” I tell Wren.

“Yeah me and him had a long talk,” Wren tells me,  “He apologized for everything he did.  Said he had a video presentation he wanted to play at the forum.”

Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  I’m pacing back and forth at that moment wondering what the hell Andrew was going to play at the forum.  

Taz looks at him with wild eyes,  “Are you fucking kidding me?  You said yes!   How dumb can you be?”

Wren looks at us confused,  “What’s the issue?  Why are you so nervous about Andrew?”

“Andrew may have a bone to pick with me,” I realize.

If Andrew remembered that my friends were the ones who attacked him,  he would easily be able to connect the dots.

“What did you do?”  Wren asks with this suspicious look in his eyes that tells me he halfway is figuring it out on his own.

I hesitate but then all of a sudden Pompey runs over to us.  By the look on his face, I can tell it’s an emergency.  All of a sudden my stomach does turn.  Coin’s mother was out there.  Coin’s family and friends were out there.   This couldn’t be happening.   This couldn’t be fucking happening!

“Guys…this is bad,” Pompey states.

“A sex tape is playing isn’t it?”  I ask.

“Yeah….how you know?”

I push past Pompey and run out to the front.  How was I going to be able to show my face after this came out?   How was I going to look at myself in the mirror knowing a stupid decision from my past caused this to happen.

As I walk out I see Andrew, Vance and his other friends gathered around a table.  They are laughing.   They are enjoying what is happening.

I look over at Coin’s mother and sees the look in her eyes. A mourning mother is being torn apart at this moment.

But then I look at the screen.

It’s Coin’s sex tape but I’m not in it.

That’s when I see Taz walk behind me and says,  “Oh shit.   It’s Coin...and Wren…”

To read the next chapters in advance go to www.crushedcrown.com