Understanding Me

      

Kyle was on his knees, naked. He could feel the mud and the grass against his skin. He did not know how he got there. A group of boys, older teenagers, all looking vaguely familiar—the cool crowd of jocks. Kyle felt tiny. At twelve-years-old, he was still a bit undeveloped, scrawny, and defenseless. He watched, petrified as one of the bullies stepped forward and reached down to yank him to his feet. His hands were bound behind his back. He did not realize that until they pulled him up and pushed him forward into the group.

He tripped, landing in the mud. His bare body rolled over, coming to rest against somebody's leg who kicked him. There was laughter, and he looked up. Everyone seemed so big. They had all opened the fly of their jeans. Their hard-ons were spearing out. Struggling to his knees, Kyle opened his mouth only to have somebody grab his hair and push it onto his cock. The swollen flesh filled his mouth, cutting off his cry. He felt other hands attaching to his hips. A sharp pain shot from his butt as somebody pushed in.

Kyle snapped awake. His heart pounded as he scanned around his room. The dream, well, the nightmare, stayed with him as if it had just occurred for real. He could feel his erection pushing up against his pajama bottoms. He hated that. He looked at the clock seeing it was a little past five in the morning. There was no point in getting back to sleep. He rolled over, trying to shake off the visions, but the erection pushing up against his pants was demanding.

Not wanting to give the traitorous part of his body any satisfaction, he pushed the covers off and got out of bed, ignoring it. He moved over to his desk and started to boot up his laptop. Within a minute, he disappeared into another world where aliens had to be killed. It was a nice distraction until his mom opened the door.

"Up already? Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes." She spoke.

He glanced over his shoulder, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "Sure, I'll be down in a minute."

Thankfully by then, his erection had gone down. After closing the game, he dressed up and arrived at the breakfast table just as his dad was getting ready to go to work.

"Well, I'm off." His dad announced with a smile before hugging his son. "You have a good day. Okay?"

Kyle forced a smile, still in a bad mood. "Yeah, you too."

He watched his dad pause long enough to kiss his mom goodbye before heading out through the kitchen door. Kyle sat down at the kitchen table as his mom put a cereal bowl in front of him. She had cut up bananas and placed them in his Cheerios. Next, she put down a small container of milk, letting him do that part himself. He muttered a thank you.

Just as he started eating, he heard two sets of feet making their way down the stairs. His siblings were twins and looked nothing like each other. They were still in their pajamas since their school day started an hour behind his. He listened to the two of them chat but did not add much.

It was drizzling outside. Kyle put on his raincoat and started walking towards the bus stop at the end of the street. He was in middle school now. The bus stop was different yet the same. It was the same spot, but different in atmosphere. Parents did not come to stand with their little kids. Everyone was in middle school or high school now. All the kids just stood around and waited. There were no improvised games of tag or anything else. Most of the time, none of them even talked. He was thankful for his raincoat since it framed his head and prevented him for staring. He was sure that he would recognize faces from earlier in his nightmare.

They had become common. Kyle had always had great vivid dreams. Rarely had he even been himself in them. Instead, he had been a Space Marine, a Superhero, and even a Ghostbuster. He had tried to write them down at times, thinking he could make a story out of them. But even though he rarely had trouble remembering them, they always seemed lesser when he wrote them down. Like the act of concentrating on his dreams made them less. Kyle wished he could feel that way about his nightmares.

One time he had attempted writing down one of them. That one had taken place inside the locker room. He remembered that the coach held him back to help clean up. Because of that, he had to change clothes when the next class came in. The group started teasing him and then stripped him and then more. When he had typed that out, he deleted it came immediately

When the bus arrived, he got on and sat with his friend Andrew. They were now best friends since Michael moved away. Kyle wished Michael were still around. If there was anyone he could have talked to about his nightmares, that would have been Michael. But unfortunately, he was two hours away. They could still play video games together online, but it did not feel right to bring something up like this when they were doing that.

Andrew chatted a bit, and soon they were watching a YouTube video together. The ten-minute bus ride went quickly. The school day was uneventful. Kyle's mood improved. He finally started to feel normal again. It was a nice feeling that lasted three days.

Until one night, the nightmare started abruptly. He was naked again and bent in two. His ankles were tied together behind his head. His wrists behind his back. The teenager on top of him was one of the strongest in the group, Troy. Kyle thought his bones would break from the relentless thrusts of the big boy. Troy was groaning and bouncing on his ass. Kyle's small body acted like a spring.

He could feel the older boy's colossal cock stab inside his bowels. Then, when it plunged completely inside him, Kyle could not help but moan. Something that Troy interpreted as enjoyment.

"Yeah, you like that! That's it. All the way in your asshole. Mmmm, gonna ride you good, lil' bitch!" The teenager muttered under his breath.

Despite his squirming, Kyle could not get away from his bounds. He glanced between his legs at his little balls and penis flailing from the massive thrusts. He could see his anus stretched around the shaft of Troy's cock between his taut buttocks. The sound of the teenager's hips slapping against his rump resounded.

"You got me so horny," Troy commented. "Orrrh, feels so good, I could fuck you in the ass all night long."

As Kyle tried to recall how long it had been going on, he could not estimate the time it had started. The same later as the pounding of his young pink butt continued mercilessly. Again and again, the big boy bounced on top of him, sticking his big hard cock into his hole with renewed energy, making his little muscles aches from the weight of his sturdy frame.

Suddenly, the teenager stopped and pulled out. He approached his face, brandishing his glistening hard-on like a knife.

"Open up." Troy commanded.

"No please don't make me do that." Kyle heard himself say.

The first slap took him by surprise. His cheek hurt immediately. Kyle felt the need to rub it, but his hands were bound. "No!" He cried out. Then another slap came.

"Open up." Troy said again. "You're gonna eat my load, lil' bitch."

Kyle shut his mouth tight. The next slaps came fast, five in a row. Every time, the sting of them went to his brain. Both his cheeks were soon hot and throbbing. The more he tried to avoid the hand of the teenager, the more Troy got angry and slapped him harder, screaming madly at his face, "Open your fucking mouth! You're not getting out of here until you swallow my cum, lil' bitch!"

The most brutal blow snapped Kyle's eyes open. His body hurt as if everything in his dream had happened. He rolled over, wanting to reassure himself he was alone. That action confirmed another thing. He had a boner. Kyle could feel it. Pain and fear gave way to anger. Balling his fist, he smashed it against his crotch. His blankets took most of the blow, and the pain that shot up from it did nothing to improve his mood.

He looked over at his clock. It was just a little past two in the morning. He was fully awake and had school in the morning. Kyle tried to roll over onto his side, but sleep was not coming. After a few minutes, he got out of bed. Moving over to its desk, he booted his computer up. He had about twenty games installed but he didn't want to play any of them right now.

He stared at the screen, eventually noticing the reflection of his image. Kyle did not think he looked any different. Why was his mind creating those images? He did not want that. From where were those images coming from? He had a vague idea of what sex was. It must had come from stuff he had seen or stuff he picked up from school. `Cocksucker' was one of the newer insults from the last year or so. They had even started to cover that stuff during sex-ed.

That made him think about another thing. Why were there always guys in his dreams? He did not think he was gay. He had never had a crush on a boy or anyone for that matter. Porno held no interest for him. But there was a kid, Gerald, who was into that sort of thing. He had been over at his house one time with a few friends when the subject came up. Gerald had pulled up a video of a man and woman and... Well, they were adults. Kyle did not know what was so interesting about it.

Kyle moved the cursor over and opened up the internet. He typed in the search box `dreams' After a few minutes of reading, he was not feeling any better about himself. Dreams were a way of the brain to work through things, resolve issues. Was his brain thinking about that garbage? He picked a couple more things at random, but none of it was telling him much. One person even suggested that dreams were your mind's way of psychically connecting two parallel universes and getting a glimpse at an alternate life.

Hell no. If he was going to see an alternate universe, it would not be one where something like that was happening to him. He did another search for the thing he should have started with, `Nightmares'

Anyone could have nightmares. However, they were most common among young children, girls, and people who have experienced trauma. Aside from being bullied a little when he was younger, Kyle knew he did not have any trauma in his life.

People outside of those categories could also experience nightmares when under stress and it usually passed. However, if they persisted and became disruptive, you could consider seeking counseling. Kyle did not think that would go over well.

"Hey Mom, I need to see a counselor. I keep having nightmares."

"Oh, dear, what are they about?"

"Getting cocks shoved up my ass."

That conversation went on the list of things that will never happen. Kyle could place it between him getting perfect attendance and inventing the perpetual motion machine.

It was frustrating. Even though he could find a lot of information, nobody was saying how to get rid of nightmares. Aside from seeking counseling and confronting your feelings, nobody had any advice.

He was about to give up when one more idea occurred to him. One of the websites he had visited had a message board, but there was also a live chat function. It was possible to participate in a group discussion or randomly get paired with someone. There was just something he was missing.

He had to apply his mad hacking skills. He clicked `yes' on the message asking if he was over eighteen. The group discussion was on way and getting into the meaning behind dreams. That sounded promising until Kyle noticed they were talking about teeth falling out. The group talked went awry and two people started yelling at each other. So, he went for the one-on-one chat.

The first person wanted to talk about her dream, and at 3:30 in the morning, Kyle did not care. The following two people parroted back what he had already heard. He was starting to get tired and decided to give it just one more minute before getting back to sleep. He started the next conversation.

`Hi'

Kyle waited for a few seconds. Then he typed, `I keep having nightmares.'

`Those sucks. Is it reoccurring?'

Kyle was not sure what the one word was, he could have looked it up, but he was tired. He just copied and pasted. `Reoccurring?'

`Like, is it the same thing happening again and again?'

`I don't think so. It's always different.' Kyle waited a minute for the next response.

`If they're happening a lot, there's probably something connecting them. Can you think of anything that happens in all of them?"

Kyle hesitated until he ventured, `I get beat up.'

`Now there's something. Why do you think that's happening?'

`I don't know. I don't like it.'

`Yeah, but it is your mind. I mean, your brain is coming up with it.'

Kyle had never thought of it that way. He had always thought his dreams were like movies. `I don't know.'

`Well, has anything changed in your life recently?'

The second person Kyle had talked to had asked him that question. It had felt judgmental, but this time it was more casual. `Not that I can think of. My best friend moved away at the beginning of summer. We still talk, but I think that's the only big change.'

`Could you describe one of your dreams?'

Kyle closed his eyes. It was not hard to bring up an image from one of them, but it was also embarrassing. `I'm tied up a lot. Like when stuff is happening.'

The person on the other end took so long to respond that Kyle was about to give up.

`Can I ask how old you are? If you're young, I might have an idea.'

Kyle thought of lying but typed the truth. `12'

`And is there any nudity or anything else sexual going on in the dream?'

Kyle felt a flash of anger. `Yeah, but I don't want any of it. I'm tied up, called names and then they make me do things I don't want to do. They put things in my mouth and other places.'

`I understand. That's why you're calling them nightmares and not dreams. They're bothering you, right?'

`Yes, and I want them to stop!'

`Just give me a second to type.'

Kyle leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

`Okay, I think I know what's going on. Judging by your age, I'm guessing you're starting to be exposed to more sexual things. You might start noticing your friend talking about getting boyfriends or girlfriends and kissing in the hallway. The idea of dating is coming up. Dating and sex are connected. That can be intimidating.'

The typing continued. `It sounds like you have rape fantasies. Now that doesn't mean you want to be raped or anything like that. It might just represent a bit of a disconnect between your body and your mind. Your body might start feeding you hormones, but you're not ready to start dating. So, on a subconscious level, when you're sleeping, your body resolves this. It lets you fantasize about sex, but it puts you in a position where you can't fight against it. It lets you have the feelings, but it's not your fault because you're forced to do it in your dream. It's not that uncommon.'

Kyle stared at the screen for what felt like a long time, thinking it over. It made sense, but he still did not like it. `Is there any way to stop them?'

`Masturbate, you don't have to do it every day, but it should calm the hormones.'

Kyle felt his face flush. He knew what it was but had not done any of it. At least it was something to try, though. Nothing else has been helpful. However, that did not answer one other question.

`Can I ask you something else?'

`Sure.'

`Like when this happens, it's always boys doing it, well, teenagers. I'm a boy. Am I gay?'

`Not necessarily. Your mind could just be using males because you're more familiar with the form. Growing up, I had a friend who thought he was gay until he was fifteen and had a girl crush. He was bisexual in the end.'

`Okay, thanks!' Kyle almost added that he would try it, but that would be too embarrassing to admit.

He slowly made his way back over to the bed and laid there for a few minutes. Eventually, he rolled onto his back and tried it. Kyle did not think about anything. It was just mechanical, but it did feel good in the end. He fell asleep shortly after. He never had another nightmare like that again.

 

The End.

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