Date: Mon, 18 Apr 2022 12:39:56 -0400
From: Michael Wisser <mikeewisser@gmail.com>
Subject: Barracks Bitch - Chapter 5

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Assmunch


**********************



With Wanker squared away, I made my way down the hall toward the meeting
spot where Sleeper waited.  I glanced behind me to see the huge form of
Zeus entering the door behind which Wanker waited.   I sure hoped I was
right about both Wanker's problem and Zeus' situation.  My reputation
as the asshole whisperer was hanging in the balance.


The truth was I had never had a problem with dudes that were gay.  I knew
one guy in high school who was an amazing dude.  Kevin Copeland.  He sat
next to me in English and History senior year, and he was pretty smart.
Not the same kind of smart as Bootlicker, who was crafty and big-brained
about facts.  No, Kevin was quick but quiet, a thinker, puzzle solver who
knew what made people tick.  He was always watching people with eyes that
rarely stopped moving, making me think of the hands of a clock driven by
wheels and gears in his brain clicking along tirelessly with every second
of every minute.  His dry humor cracked me up too many times, which
always got me into trouble in class.  He'd mumble a few words out of the
side of his mouth during the teacher's lecture and a few seconds would
go by while my mind connected the dots and I'd get hit with an
involuntary laugh, after which Kevin's lips would twitch in an almost
unnoticeable grin.  At first I thought he got a kick out of getting me in
trouble, but later I figured out he just liked making me laugh and that I
was someone who understood him.  I'm pretty sure that's why he
eventually made a move on me.


Kevin was kind of a loner and that always surprised me because he wasn't
a bad looking guy.  I mean, I'm not in the habit of checking out dudes
or anything, not back then anyway, but Kevin was well put together.  He
was shorter than me by a couple inches, dark almost black hair that he
let grow  long, just past his shoulders.  It was naturally wavy and
thick, looking both wild and tamed at the same time, resting on his
shoulders.  I kinda envied his hair.  My dad would never let me grow my
hair long like that.   Frequently, almost as an unconscious habit, he'd
pull it back from his face, raking his long fingers along his scalp to
draw the length back across the top of his head to get it out of his
face.  When he did, it allowed me to see the square corner of his jaw
below his ear, its straight edge solid and crisp all the way to his
chin.  Sometimes he'd have his hair pulled back in a warrior's knot,
the sides and top tied up in ball towards the top of the back of his
head, the back hanging loose to his shoulders.  It looked really cool,
and one day I told him how good it looked, like a Viking or the Huns we
learned about in World History.  I got a direct look from his grey eyes
and a full smile, both of which were rare things from him.  After that he
started coming to school with a warrior's knot more often.  I don't
know if he did that for me, or because it was easier for him to manage,
or he wanted to look good for himself, I just knew it was fucking cool as
hell.


Kevin had the grunge look.  You know, loose jeans, tee shirt, plaid
flannel long sleeve tied around his waist, some kind of hiking boot on
his large feet.  I could never figure out how a guy that was 5'9" came
out with size 11 feet.  Hell, I was 5'11" (okay, 5'10" & 1/2... so sue
me for lying about a half inch. ) and I only wore 9&1/2's.  When he
didn't wear a jacket (always some black leather biker's thing, or a
ragged jeans fabric) you could see he had a dense, sturdy body.  Heavy,
thick shoulders and arms that were more solid than beefy and muscular.
His chest was also thick but without defined pecs like mine.  His waist
followed the pattern, not fat but still narrower than his shoulders and
chest and thick.  He had a good butt, if you like that sort of thing and
strong legs I later learned came from his love of skateboarding.  He
obviously didn't work out and I couldn't really say he needed to.  Like
his hair, his attitude , personality and his clothes, his body was a
statement of casual strength, not too much effort or attention required
as if it just climbed onto him every morning as a whole thing from a pile
of comfortable parts.  If I had to use one word to describe him, I guess
the word was Comfortable.  That's the way he looked, talked, moved, and
felt inside my head.


Now, it might seem like I focused way too much on how Kevin looked,
talked, moved and felt, but in all honesty it wasn't anything I did
consciously until after... well... IT... happened.  I still remember
everything about that day in vivid detail.



School started like any other day, with me hanging out with my friends in
front of the cafeteria, waiting to go into the building next door for our
first class.  We all got to school early so we could hang out and talk
about classes, girls, the weekend, and our problems.  Kevin wasn't in
our group, like I said he was a loner.  Probably because we were all your
typical high school jackasses and Kevin wasn't that kind of guy.
Because it was November I was between football and baseball seasons, so
there was no practice.  Twoadays never left me with time to screw around
with my friends who weren't on the team.  Yeah, I was technically a
jock, but I just played because I loved the games and competition.  I
wasn't on some path to sports superstar.  No college was going to
recruit me.  My stats were just average, I wasn't physically exceptional
(hint - if you're under 6' you'd better be exceptional in performance
and stats to even get a glance by a college) and I didn't have the
drive.  Besides, I'd always figured I'd join the Army like my dad when
I got out of high school.  Maybe that's why I didn't put my all into
sports.  I liked being part of the team, and the girls loved jocks, and
high school was easier when you were a jock.  Not all jocks had their
eyes set on turning pro, some of us did it for all the other reasons and
rewards, like Saturday night blowjobs and young perky tits in your face.



When the 15 minute bell rang, we all started going towards the door to
the building.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kevin running towards
the building from the parking lot, so I waited.  He wasn't sprinting,
but his loping strides ate up the distance without any effort showing on
his face.  I watched as his leather jacket blew open from the wind, his
flat solid stomach and hips rotated with each thrust of his thick legs,
the plaid shirt tied around his waist flapping behind him.  Three
necklaces bounced on his upper chest.  It struck me that just like every
other aspect of him, he ran comfortably, casually, but with a power and
strength that looked easy.  It was a weightless glide, not some angry or
violent action.  I remember that word appearing in my head when I watched
him: weightless.  Comfortable and weightless.


I was surprised how soon he reached me, it had to have been just five
seconds.


"Thanks " Calm.  Softly spoken.  As if he hadn't just done a 40 yard
dash in five seconds without even trying.


"Dude.  You ever think about running track?  You're fucking fast."  I
watched his chest and stomach.  Not even breathing a little hard.


He looked at me from the corners of his eyes, his face pointed towards my
hand on the open door.  Looking people in the eye was not Kevin's
thing.  "Track." He paused.  Then, "track shorts".  Another pause.
"Absolutely not."


As usual, my mind took its usual three count to put it all together, and
I barked out a laugh.  The image of this guy in those high cut, tight
shorts, and a tank top was ridiculous.  His riveting eyes darted to mine
and he did that momentary slight grin.


"Good point.  The shorts are ridiculous."  I waved him through the door
ahead of me.  The image of him gliding weightlessly in his track outfit
flashed into my head again.  "But you'd still make them look good." I
mumbled unconsciously.


"What?" He stopped, and I ran into him.


"Dude!" I complained.


He took a step and turned around.  "What did you say?"  He was looking
me straight in the eye.  He had some crazy long dark eyelashes.  They
made his grey eyes stand out so much.  He looked surprised.


I shook my head.  "Huh?  I said good point, they're ridiculous."


He was still staring at me.  This was the longest he'd ever looked me in
the eye.  It made me a little uncomfortable, but at the same time I
couldn't look away.  I remember specifically getting caught in his eyes,
thinking how they looked like soft grey flannel.  He had soft eyes.


"After that.  You said something after that." He uttered with a breathy
whisper.  Calm.  Steady.  Weightless.


I thought back, a puzzled look on my face.   "No I didn't."
Seriously, I couldn't remember saying anything after that.  "At least I
don't think I did.  What did you hear?"


He seemed to be searching my face for something, those thought-filled
eyes moving back and forth, the clockwork inside his skull turning.  I
felt like he was taking me apart, piece by piece, looking under the rusty
hood.  It should have felt intense, like an attack, that stare of his
went so deep into me.  I have no recollection of where we stood, who was
around us, or how much time passed.  I let his brain disassemble me,
break me into pieces, I allowed it, thinking of nothing except that he
could do what he was doing for as long as he needed to do it.  I didn't
feel threatened, or tense, or nervous. I was both there and not there.  I
didn't exist except where I was reflected in his eyes.  I had no body,
just floated there before him as his perfect creation.  I felt
comfortable.  Comfortable and weightless.


So when he leaned forward, and pressed his lips to mine, I let him.  No,
that's the wrong term.  I didn't `let' him.  In order to let him I
would have had to consciously choose.  It just was.  In that moment there
was only him, his eyes, and his lips that were incredibly soft.  What I
do remember is that it lasted forever, his gentle steady kiss, before my
mouth betrayed me and kissed him back.  There was no thought to it, just
a kiss my mouth needed to perform on his soft, beautiful gentle lips
after they asked me so nicely, like a please and thank you.  My head had
no thoughts of boys kissing boys.  This wasn't some lurid, licentious or
lustful act of depravity.  I was just there, engaging in an act of easy
natural need like breathing, exploring his mouth with mine without hurry,
without thought, just because every movement brought with it a new and
more interesting area.  At some point in my journey, my adventure upon
the softness of his lips, I released my tongue to taste him.  His lips
tasted like mint.  My tongue took its time to find every corner with a
slow and deliberate movement:  it didn't flex or harden, remaining soft
and languid as it voyaged fully over each inviting pink pillow.  Without
my asking them to, my hands had risen up to cup his solid masculine jaw,
my fingers caressing his neck while my thumbs stroked his cheeks.


When my tongue wandered between those comfortable lips, they relaxed
exactly as I needed them to, as if our organs were speaking to each other
on their own.  They needed to talk, to visit, to tell each other stories
like friends who had missed each other for too long.  His teeth greeted
me first, so my tongue searched out every one, tracing their outlines top
to bottom and side to side.  Incisors.  Canines.  First molars.  Licking
, savoring each individual tooth, taking my time to be sure I explored
their entire surface, even scraping the sharp points.   I went along his
gums, finding the crease of his jaw where it met the flesh of his cheek,
and the rigid divider just beneath his nose.  I played in the gap where
his gums met the smooth white enamel of his teeth, fascinated by the
difference in texture, finding it a sexy thing, that juxtaposition of
hard and tender, soft and rigid.


In my head, this wasn't a kiss.  This was like listening to my favorite
song, getting taken away by the music, hearing but not listening because
I was transported INSIDE the music, sailing on the notes, carried by the
rhythm.  No time existed, only the journey and the fascinating new places
it would take me on its own without my conscious guidance.  In the year
since I graduated, I learned that this was a habit of mine, and always
had been.  My mind would take me and the world would disappear when I
found this mental state.  No judgment existed, no choice, no worry, just
being in the moment as it expanded in my mind.  It was safe, it soothed
me, excited me, and everything was nothing.  My body wasn't there, not
connected to me while my mind went where it needed to.  A tiny piece of
me fed instructions to my body to give my mind what it needed, and that
was all, but I couldn't tell you what those instructions were.  Years
later I would understand that this was meditation, letting go of
everything to free the mind.  Back then I only knew it as losing myself:
the place where there was no `me'.


When my tongue finished, it pulled back slowly, to revisit its favorite
places and old friends, a quick goodbye but stopping for a longer moment
on its favorite friend, those beautiful gentle lips.


And then, his tongue came to visit me.  Hesitant.  Cautious.  It moved so
slowly, so tender, asking politely once again.  In answer, my hands
pulled him into me, my own lips opened even as my tongue darted forth to
tease him.


I had never had a kiss like this with any of the girls I'd been with.
There was no casual, effortless connection with them.  With them, there
was a purpose, mostly mechanical, a choreographed dance with deliberate
steps and movements intended to lead to a sexual act.  A sexual act I
desperately wanted and loved, in case you thought otherwise.  There was
always a navigational issue with girls, I could never just lose my self,
because every guy had to be hyper aware of every signal, make sure she
was in full consent and to make sure she enjoyed it all way more than I
was allowed to.  All the while she couldn't enjoy herself TOO much, not
wanting to come across as a total slut.  Always careful, slightly
awkward, each of us holding back.  My too big mouth trying not to swallow
their too small mouth, my heavy, long thick tongue trying not to choke or
overwhelm them.  Having to walk the line between strong and aggressive
which was a too thin line sometimes when your heartbeat sinks to your
dick.  There was no kiss that only existed as a doorway to a sublime
disappearance, a kiss that wasn't a kiss, but an existence.  No kiss
like Kevin's comfortable, weightless kiss.


And when he felt my permission, my acceptance, he performed his magic
again, only this time my mind receded, becoming a spectator once more
just like that eternity of his lips first touching mine.  His tongue
invaded me, eager and on a hunt.  It came for something, hungry to
conquer.  My mouth relished the strength of his attack, the abandon and
thoughtless aggression.   It would have its satisfaction, it would fill
its starved emptiness with everything it could devour.  Sacrificing
myself to him seemed only right, this desperate animalistic taking, I
could deny it nothing.  If there was any way I could give it more, I
would.  On an instinctual level I celebrated the release of the hound,
knowing that allowing it to feed meant freedom.


His tongue reached my very soul, no different from how his soft flannel
eyes ensnared my mind.  I fed it to him, I no longer wanted my soul, not
inside me.  I wanted him to consume it, to keep it prisoner as deep
inside his self as he could crush it.  I had no reason left.  He could
take what he wanted, anything he needed.  I would just live inside him,
such an easy choice.


His tongue pushed against my tongue like a bully, throwing it wherever he
chose, trying to flip it over on its back.  He drove the hardened tip
deep into the soft tender flesh on the floor of my mouth, then spread the
tip wide to fling my tongue upward like a killer whale flinging its seal
victim in the splashing surf of our shared saliva.  It was pure playful
violence, toying with me. His tongue yanked back, but only so his teeth
could nip my lips, before thrusting again into my beaten mouth.  A wave
of his saliva followed, only for me to swallow every drop after which my
lips closed over his tongue so I could suck it dry.  I felt like a
virgin, like I had never kissed anyone before in my life.  Whatever I had
done before, it couldn't be called a kiss.  THIS... this was what
qualified as a kiss.


When had I slumped against this wall, lowering myself so I was below his
head?  It made his violation easier.  He cradled my head with one hand
while his other hand danced across my face.  I felt his finger enter my
lips next to his tongue.  He drew back his head slowly, looking at me
with his flannel eyes, his finger still in my mouth.  I slumped there,
staring.  My mind was coming back too slow.


"How.....?" He gasped.  Now he was breathing heavy.  He put a second
finger in my mouth, and I unconsciously sucked them, captivated by his
stare.


"Let's go." He said, curling his fingers around my bottom teeth and
pulling me off the wall by my jaw.  I didn't even care.  What the fuck?



The world was still gone.  Oh I recognized the school, where we were.
But I had no idea what time it was, didn't care.  School?  Class?  Not
even on the radar.  I followed him to his car, and he was kind enough not
to drag me the whole way by my teeth.


"Fuck.  Sorry Tom." He said, releasing me.


"It's.... I .... What?"  That was the level of my intelligence at that
moment.  Just saying words.


"Get in." He ordered.  Commands.  I could do that, follow commands
without my mind, super easy.  The Army was going to get a perfect
soldier.   So I got into his car and shut the door, staring out the
windshield trying to make sense of whatever this was.


"Tom?  You okay?"  I heard from my left.  I turned my head slowly, like
some creepy horror movie mannequin.


I swallowed before answering.  "Yeah.  Okay.  I'm okay."


"I'm sorry I did that.  I don't know why I did it." He said, going
back to not looking me in the eye.


"Did what?  What did you do Kev?" I was still trying to grasp reality.
Nothing made sense.


"The kiss?  Kissed you in front of English class?"


Which only sent my mind right back there, his lips, my tongue, my
surrender.  "That's good." I muttered distractedly.


He looked at me again.  "Tom?  What?  TOM!"

His raised voice got my attention, finally.  I focused on his flannel
eyes, his hair.


"Your hair's messed up."  I told him.  Don't ask me why that was the
first thing I chose to consciously say to him.  But in my defense,
Kevin's hair was never messed up.  He always looked like fucking Tarzan.



He smirked.  `Yeah, you kinda put your hands all over it, through it,
pulled it, smelled it.  I thought you were going to eat some, but you
didn't."


None of which I remember.  Not even to this day.  "Really?  When?"


Now he smiled, a full smile.  I remember those teeth, knew each of them
intimately.  My tongue came out and licked my lips.  I have no idea why I
wasn't freaking out.


"During what will always be the best kiss of my life."


I blinked.  "Oh.  Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh" my mouth lingered on the word.
Finally, I grasped the entirety of what we'd done.  "Oh shit."  Okay,
I guess the freaking out part was just holding back a little.  "Did we
just do that?  Like right there in the hallway?"


Kevin nodded, his smile reduced to nothing.  His eyes looked scared, but
hopeful.


I leaned back and rested my head against the headrest, closing my eyes.
I sighed, thinking... at long last thinking.  Maybe not such a perfect
soldier, with all the thinking.  Kevin waited with the quiet patience he
always had.  Comfortable silence.  Weightless expectation.  That was
why.  Why I said what I did.  Because he was comfortably weightless there
inside me.  I mean beside me.  Yeah, that's what I meant.


I looked at him again and smiled.  "It was a fucking awesome kiss!"  I
laughed.  He laughed too, the first time I'd ever heard him laugh.  It
sounded deep and throaty.  "You kissed me gone, dude.  I seriously left
my body.  I don't remember everything that happened, I just remember
living inside your mouth.  I remember ever single crevice and corner of
your mouth, every tooth, every bump.  And your lips.  Your lips.  Those
lips."  Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out to touch his
lips.  "You have no idea what you did to me, where you took me."  I
didn't feel like lying to him, I wanted him to know the truth.  I needed
him to know how special that was for me.


He smiled, and kissed my fingers, still there touching him.  "I know
what you did to me, and where you took me.  That I do know."  He got a
little bashful then.  "Um... sorry about attacking you there at the end.
I don't know why that happened.  You drove me so crazy with what you
were doing to me.  I couldn't take it when you let me put my tongue in
your mouth.  I lost it."


I moved my fingers under his chin to raise his face to look at me.
"Kev?  Look at me."  He did that thing again, his face pointed off to
the side, his eyes looking then not looking, then looking again.  "I'm
not sorry.  I wanted the beast off the leash, that was actually going
through my head.  I saw that beast inside you and wanted it to feed on
me.  You were perfect, amazing, so strong and in control.  I didn't know
a kiss could be all that.  So, thank you.  Thank you for kissing me.
Thank you for giving me all of you, like I gave you all of me.  I never
thought that was possible, but you showed me it is."


I watched as tears started to fall from his eyes.  "Thank you too.
Tom?  I really like you."


I wiped his tears.  "Yeah.  I like you too Kev.  In fact, after that I
know I love you.  But I'm straight Kev.  We're going to be close
friends, because I love who you are, the guy inside.  I like your jokes.
I like your always thinking brain."


He chuckled, then took a deep breath, then looked out the windshield.
"I figured." He wiped his eyes on his shoulders.  "Are you sure you
want to be my friend.  I'm gay, Tom.  And after that display in the
hallway, people are going to talk.  I guess I just came out at school."


I grabbed his hand.  "Only if you want to.  Fuck those people, the ones
who want to be mean.  You don't need them.  And I'll shut them up for
you if you want."


"But what about you?  They're going to think you're gay too.  Fuck!  I
screwed this up so magnificently, and now you're going to suffer."  He
threw his head back, raking his hand through his hair and holding his
head. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"


"Hey, hey, settle down.  Get the beast back on the leash, buddy.  It'll
be fine."  I really wasn't worried.  "I don't care if they think I'm
gay.  You're gay and you're amazing.  If they think I'm like you, I
couldn't be happier. "


"Really? What if girls don't want to go out with you?"  He asked.


I laughed.  "Dude, you don't know girls.  They'll see it as a
challenge, can they turn me straight, make me forget about dick?  If I
play this right I might actually lose my virginity.  Some girl's gonna
want to use that pussy power."


His eyes got wide.  "You're a virgin?  You?"


His surprise amused me.  "Yup, turns out that being a good guy makes it
extra difficult to get more than a blowjob.  I can't figure out why."


I heard him snort.


"What?" I retorted.  "You don't think I'm a good guy?  Or was that
because I'm not as smart as you?"  I'm not sure I appreciated this
level of honesty.


He shook his head.  "No.  No, not that."  He grinned.  "Let's see,
someone just told me something like `you don't know girls' or some
lame bullshit like that." He raised his eyebrows.


I hated myself for those three seconds before my brain clicked.  "Oh you
fucking ASSHOLE!" I grinned and punched him hard in the arm.  He started
cracking up.


"You deserved that." He laughed.  "And OW!  Jesus.  I'm gonna have a
bruise."


"Good." I said.


"Look, you're right, being a good guy probably does work against you.
You probably stop when they say no, right?"  He tilted his head.


"Yeah, I do.  I'm not going to rape anyone.  If they say no, it means
no."  I didn't see where he was going with this.


He paused, I watched his grey eyes move left and right between his
eyelids, his lips pressed together, obviously lost in thought.


"Okay."  That's all he said.


"Okay what?" I asked.  "You don't have any answers?  What's the good
in having a gay best friend if he can't give me answers about girls?"


He looked at me with a suave smirk.  "You can comfort yourself with a no
strings blowjob from your gay best friend any time you want."


I choked , then laughed.  "You shouldn't have said that."


He suddenly looked scared.  "It's a joke.  A joke.  Don't be mad."


I looked back at him, with a straight face, saying "oh, a joke.  That's
too bad."  Then I gave him a wink and a grin.


He took a deep breath, then grinned.  "Now who's the asshole?"


"Guilty." I said.  "But look, don't censor yourself with me, Kev.
You don't need to do that.  I know you dig me.  Be yourself."


"Bet you'd still make them look good." Kevin said.


"Huh?"


"That's what you said.  Before the kiss.  `Good point.  The shorts are
ridiculous.' Then you paused, and mumbled Bet you'd still make them
look good."


I looked at him with my mouth open.  "I... I don't remember saying
that.  Did I say that?"


He nodded.  "Yeah."  His face was serious.  Concerned. "That's why I
kissed you.  I thought you liked me like I like you."


I put my hand over my mouth.  I led him on?  I felt bad.  I shouldn't
have done that.  "Kev, I'm sorry.  It was subconscious, or something.
I mean, I'm not going to lie, you have a nice body, and you're handsome
as hell with your soft grey eyes and your Viking Tarzan hair.  And yeah,
if I'm being honest you'd probably look hot in those track shorts
because of your skateboarding ass and legs.  But I didn't mean to lead
you on, or make you think we could be a couple."  I took a breath.  "So
you wouldn't have kissed me if I hadn't said that?"


He shook his head  "I would have been too scared to make a move.  Just
like every day since junior year."


"Okay, we're going to revisit your crush on me for over a year, and you
not even saying hi.  We're going to have to work on your balls if we're
going to get you a boyfriend. "


"Yes, let's work on my balls.  You can start now."  He said dryly.


One.  Two.  Brain caught up.  "Hah!" I laughed.  "You're too quick
for me, dude!"  I slapped his thigh.


"Alright, well while I'm sorry I led you on and gave you the wrong
idea, I'm still glad I said it because that kiss was FUCKING EPIC and I
got a gay best friend out of it." I explained.


"Yeah.  It was the best kiss ever." He replied , lost in thought. " I
didn't know a kiss could be like that either.  So it doesn't bother you
that I'm crushing on you bad?"


I shrugged.  "I kinda like it.  Besides, isn't that how gay/straight
friends work?  I figured the gay one always had a crush on the straight
one."


"What?  No!  Oh for fuck's sake.  Good thing you have me.  You may be
straight, but your head's not.  I'm gonna to straighten that out."


So Kevin straightened out my head, with girls and gay people.  I guess I
knew what I was doing when I called him my gay best friend, because the
guy who I thought was my best friend turned into a major prick because of
the rumors I was gay, which I did nothing to dispel.  Fuck him.  I did in
fact get WAY more action, and lost my virginity to Carol Fredericks, a
sweet little blonde volleyball player.  We ended up dating for the rest
of the year.  I came clean with her that I really was straight, to which
she screamed `I KNEW IT!' And she punched me like a volleyball spike
while I laughed until I swore to do anything she told me to for a week.
Let me tell you, that sweet little girl was a freaknasty with her leash
off.  I loved that.  Almost...ALMOST took me to the place of Kevin's
kiss.  I had a moment beyond , but nothing as deep or long lasting as
Kevin's kiss.  She was the one that taught me that eating a dude's ass
drives him fucking crazy.  I need to introduce Sleeper to Carol.  She
tore my hole up with her mouth, even had me shooting once, just from her
tongue in my hole.  In my defense I hadn't touched myself or seen Carol
in two weeks when that happened.   I begged her to fucking rape my hole,
it drove me that crazy.  She kissed me right after i shot, and tasting my
own ass on her tongue almost made me cum again.  And I had to stop myself
from letting another load go when she picked up my pooled jizz and
grinned at me while she forced my own cum into my asshole with two of her
dainty fingers.  I still fucked her twice more, once in each hole.  I
liked fucking her ass, and she loved it too because we didn't have to
use a condom and I could fill her up with my nut.  Freaknasty.  What a
perfect, lovely, pretty, dirty little slut.  I guess my laid back
attitude and casual acceptance of pretty much anything allowed her to let
her beast out.  And you know how much that gets me gone to that mindless
place.  If I hadn't joined the Army, and Carol hadn't gone away to
UCLA, we'd still be together.  If she's still single when I get back
stateside, I'm going to look her up.


For Kevin's birthday that March, I asked him what he wanted.


With that sardonic dry tone he said without blinking.  "Give you a
blowjob, of course."


It was our typical banter.  It was the same thing he said at Christmas.
On Valentines Day.  When I asked him what he wanted to do on the
weekend.  `Maybe tomorrow' I'd say.


But this time I said "okay", closed my locker, and walked towards the
parking lot.  I was halfway down the hall before he ran to catch up.  I
finally got him.  This time HE had to wait for his brain to connect the
dots.  I felt kinda proud.


"What?" He asked.


I looked at him with a grin.  "I said okay.  For your birthday, you get
to blow me."


He stared and blinked slowly.  "This is a joke, right?"


I put my arm around his shoulders, and he automatically wrapped his
around my waist.  Like we always did.  "No joke buddy.  But, there's
conditions."


He was trembling under my arm.  "What conditions?"


"Carol's going to be there.  She's into it.  Oh, and she calls the
shots.  Meaning if she wants to participate, she does.  You good with
that?"


Kevin looked uncomfortable and a little freaked out.  "She's not going
to order me around, is she?  She won't do anything to me, will she?"
He stopped.  "I don't have to do anything to her, right?"


I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.  "Just me, buddy.  She accepts
you're gay, she's not trying to change you.  I told her you're GAYgay,
that we've always joked about you giving me a blowjob.  She asked if
we've ever done that and I told her no.  She asked why not and I
couldn't really give her an answer except I didn't want to lead you on,
that you deserve better."


We reached the exit, saying goodbye to a few people we knew who never
cared that Kevin and I hugged, walked with our arms around each other,
got handsy when sitting next to each other.  One cool side effect of all
this was how many other people got comfortable with male affection.  I
noticed the guys on my teams hugging a lot more and being more at ease
with touching.  Of course, it was usually followed by `just friends',
but progress was progress.  I stopped getting shit after they learned it
wasn't going to get a rise out of me, and didn't ruin my day.  I
seriously didn't care.  I was going into the Army, the rest of these
chumps could kiss my ass.  A couple more guys came out as gay, but Kevin
said they didn't interest him.  Maybe `coming out' was too strong of a
term... not many people were surprised when they did.  I hoped Carol's
plan worked this weekend.  I was really worried my best friend would
never move on and let his crush on me go.


The air was still cool, in March, but Spring was almost here.  We walked
across the small lawn towards the parking lot where our cars were.  Kevin
and I used to take turns driving each other (wait... I mean riding with
each other... fuck... taking each other to school... for fuck's sake is
there any way to make it not sound like we're fucking each other?
That's Kevin's influence, that dirty mind filled with double
meanings).  So anyway, since I started dating Carol, we drove separately
most of the time.  Carol and Kevin liked each other, it's just sometimes
Carol and I had personal business to conduct after school before our
parents got home from work.


"My parents are in Dallas for the weekend, and Timmy is staying at his
friend's until they come home.  I'm apparently not mature enough to
keep my little brother from dying in my care, but it's fine with them if
I do something stupid and end up killing myself.  So, we have the house
to ourselves.  Wanna stay the weekend?"  I asked him.  His actual
birthday wasn't until next Wednesday, so there shouldn't be any reason
he couldn't stay over.


"Sure.  Is Carol coming over?"


I shook my head "Nope.  Not until tomorrow night, for your birthday
celebration.  She said I have to save it for you.  I think you're going
to have to blow me twice because I'm going to cum too fast the first
time for you to have your fun.  Carol and I haven't gotten together
since last week.  It's driving me crazy.  I'm so fucking horny.
Practice and games, I get no time.  Thank God this is a bye week."


He gave me that clock ticking look.  "This is something you WANT to do,
right?"


I smiled.  "Yeah bud.  I want to do this for you.  I think you need
this.  Besides, I tell you how hot you are every week.  What makes you
think I'm not going to enjoy it just as much as you?"


We hugged before we split to go towards our cars.  "Well I won't
complain.  What time do you want me to come by tonight?"  That was
Kevin.  His biggest sexual fantasy was coming true and he still
maintained that comfortable, weightless attitude.  Who knows what going
through his head, turning through those gears.


I shrugged.  "Anytime you want.  Just grab your clothes and stuff and
come right over.  I'm going to go to the store on my way home and get
some garbage food.   I'll see you there.  Let yourself in if you get
there before me."  I climbed into my 12 year old `79 Trans Am, a car I
thought was a `classic' at the time.  Ha ha.  Go ahead and laugh, then
go fuck yourself.  What the hell did I know?  I was 18.


****************


It was Saturday night, THE night.  Carol was on her way, and Kevin and I
had spent the day trying to not think about tonight.  With each passing
hour, he seemed to get more nervous, and that sideways look was back.  I
tried to reassure him, tried to be more affectionate, but it didn't seem
to be working.


We were currently snuggling on the couch watching Terminator 2, it had
just come out on video and I had snagged the last VHS at Blockbuster.
Kevin was little spoon, and I had my arms wrapped around him, my leg over
the top of his, while my chin rested on the top of his head.  He was so
warm, his meaty body felt perfectly contoured to mine.  My right hand
lazily rubbed his left pec while we watched Arnold blow shotgun holes in
the liquid metal terminator.  The special effects were insane.  I liked
how solid his body felt.  Comfortable.  His hair, skin, breath, all
smelled soothing.  He'd always chuckle when I'd sniff him like a dog,
but it always seemed to calm me and make me smile.


Although we always spooned and slept in each other's arms when we'd
stay over at the other's house, somehow this moment felt extra special.
I took a deep breath.


"Kev?"


He waited a few seconds before answering.  I could feel him tense, then
relax.  I was patient, knowing he'd speak when his clock gears finished
whatever they needed to do.  "Yeah Tom?" His deep voice came out weak,
filled with uncertainty, and a little fear.


"I... I love you, buddy.  I don't think you realize how much."  I took
another deep breath.  Softening my voice, I continued, "Sometimes I wish
I was gay, so I could be the man you deserve."


I felt him tense up, so I grabbed him tighter, not letting him run from
this.  And then I felt him shaking.  I looked at his face below me and he
was crying.  Crying softly, making no noise.


"Oh Kev.  Don't cry.  Don't cry buddy." I kissed his head, his neck,
his jaw that I thought was so masculine.  "Please don't, you'll make
me cry. " I kept mumbling while I squeezed him tightly to me and tried
to kiss away his tears.  "You can't cry on your birthday, it's against
the law."  I tried humor.


He brought his hand up to rub my forearm.  "Tom?" He paused.  I knew I
didn't have to answer, he would continue when he had the right words.  I
kept up my affectionate attention while he prepared himself.  He really
did smell like the best thing in the world.  Like rain on a summer day.
A freshly planted field.  The breeze coming off the ocean.  Beneath it
all, him, his unique scent, a light musk that could have been a spice if
you could bottle it.  He hadn't worn cologne since the day I'd told him
how good he smelled without it.


"Tom, I don't want you to be gay.  I mean, I used to want that, at
first.  But that wouldn't be you."  He was talking through his tears,
still running down his face, wetting the throw pillow under our heads.
"Part of why I love you with all my heart is because even though you ARE
straight, you never hold back on how much you love me, and show me that.
Do you remember the day of The Kiss?"


"Every single detail, Kev.  I'll never forget it."


"You said something in the car that day that I think about every day.
When I feel sad, it makes me feel better.  When I'm scared, it calms me
down.  When you said those words, it made everything all right."


I'd said so many things that day, and my exact words were jumbled in my
memory between my heaving emotions , and my scrambled brain.  But Kevin
always remembered everything exactly.  "Which part, Kev?"


"You said `Thank you for giving me all of you, like I gave you all of
me'.  So now it's my turn.  Thank you for giving me all of you, Tom.
You're perfect just as you are.  So perfect, just like this."


And now I was crying too.


We stayed like that, wrapped in each other, letting the emotion take us
where it needed to, our eyes closed.  We didn't hear Carol come in,
until she stood in front of the couch.


"You started without me?" She said with a grin.  We both looked up at
her.


"No." We said together.  She saw our tear stained faces.


Her grin slipped.  She knelt down in front of us, her eyes going from
Kevin's face, to mine, and back again.


"Hey, are you two okay?"  She reached out to wipe my tears, then wiped
Kevin's cheek too.


"Yeah babe." I said, smiling.  I'm sure we looked pathetic, but I
didn't care.  "I've got my two favorite people right here and I
couldn't be happier."  I leaned over Kevin and gave her a kiss.  We
were just inches from Kevin's face.  I could feel his soft eyes on us.


"Wow." He whispered.  I smiled with my mouth still on Carol's, and I
saw a glint in her eye.


Carol pulled back an inch, opened her mouth and let her tongue extend.
She grabbed my lower jaw, squeezed my cheeks, forcing my mouth open.  She
darted in, shoving her tongue into my open mouth and took a long hard
forceful lick up across my palate and teeth.  Then she pulled my mouth
open as far as she could and put her delicate chin all the way inside my
lips, pushing her tongue inside along with it.  I clamped down, almost
chewing on her jaw.  She moaned.  She was the first girl I didn't worry
about how big my male mouth was.  If I could swallow her head, she'd let
me, and would want me to.


"Holy fuck." Kevin breathed below us.


This was so hot.  We'd never had an audience before.  And knowing that
Kevin was getting turned on by it had my dick throbbing as I
unconsciously humped it over his meaty ass.  I was grabbing his pec and
playing with it.  I was so turned on.


Carol pulled back again, and stuck her magical tongue out once again.
Yeah, her tongue wasn't as big and fat as mine, but it was long, almost
three inches.  My asshole loved every wet inch.  "Suck it." She
ordered, yanking my jaw towards it.  God, I loved it when she treated me
like her bitch.  She couldn't be too rough, too degrading, too
demanding.  It excited me that her tall thin body could control my big
muscular one.  I learned early on that my beloved Freaknasty could take
it as well as she could dish it out too,  but I could never decide which
way I loved it more.  She was so polite, sweet, and pure in public.
Behind closed doors she became the best kind of depraved whore, and she
knew ALL of my buttons.  We were perfect together.


She pushed me away after I tried to suck her delicious tongue as hard as
I could and rip it out of her mouth so I could eat it.  Fuck, the things
she did to me.


"That's not the only thing going in your mouth tonight, baby" the
sweet tone of her voice opposed that sparkle in her eye I knew so well.


I was breathing hard, clutching Kevin's chest.  Somewhere in the back of
my mind I hoped I wasn't hurting him.  I took a quick moment to glance
down at him.  He had the most sublime expression on his face.  The
excitement in those soft eyes changed them.  Were the darker?  They
appeared to be two stormy skies.  His tongue flicked out to wet his
lips.  Those lips.


Carol grabbed me by the hair to get my eyes back on her.  I caught the
briefest glimpse of Kevin's patented minuscule smirk before my eyes
found hers.  She stroke my cheek with her soft dainty hand.  Man, her
fingers were so long, her palm looked tiny next to them.


"Oh baby, do you want to kiss Kevin?  Like you kiss me?" She cooed.


"Yes" I said hoarsely.  I didn't see it coming, the slap.  I knew
better than to take my eyes off her.  I kept my head still , taking the
full power of her slap.  It was a stinger, she was a great volleyball
spiker after all.  My ear was ringing, my face on fire.


Her voice was still filled with sugar, so sweet.  "Too bad, baby.
Tonight's not about what you want.  It's all about him.  Tonight he
gets what he wants.  Tonight he gets to... how do you put it?  Let his
beast off the leash?  You want that, right?"  She stroked my face again,
so tender, it felt so good.


"More than anything, baby girl."


"Do you love him, baby?  Do you love him like me?"  Still sweet, a
gentle smile on her face.


"Not like you.  You, I want to possess, I want to grovel at your feet,
I want to control you and let you control me.  I want to be in front of
you so I can see you and protect you, behind you so I can hold you,
beside you so I can share everything with you.  I want you to hold my
heart, crush it if you wish, consume it, put it in a necklace to wear,
while I do the same with yours."


We hadn't talked about this, Carol and I.  None of it, which was part of
the thrill.  I was going wherever she led me, trusting her completely to
bring out what we all needed, the three of us.  And she did it to
perfection.  She had a gift.


"Oh baby, you are so wonderful, so gorgeous in your heart and soul."
She caressed me with her words.  "And the outside is even more
beautiful.  So hot, so handsome, all those powerful muscles that would
never be used to cause pain."  She finally let go of my hair and started
stroking both cheeks lovingly.  "And Kevin?  What about him?  How do you
love your boyfriend?"


Kevin jerked.  Her eyes and one hand left my face.  She looked down at
him, smiling like an angel, stroking both of our cheeks now.


"It's okay.  You know we all see it, right?  Your hearts beat for each
other.  But let Tom tell you.  Baby, tell him how you love him."  She
tilted my head down to look at him, his eyes had gone to soft flannel
again.


I felt my tears start.  "Kevin,  I love you like the air I breathe,
weightless, here inside me, always, filling me, keeping me alive.  You
are a fire that keeps me warm, comforting me.  I wish we could merge into
one, so I could feel your weightless comfort every second of every day,
know what's ticking in your amazing brain, feel everything you feel that
keeps you solid, steady, and so much more real than anything else around
us."  My tears were dropping on his face mixing with his own.  "Thank
you for being my friend.  I love you buddy."


"Kiss your boyfriend, baby.  Show him how you feel." Carol whispered.


I looked in Kevin's soft eyes, and watched them begin to dart.  "No."
I uttered, soft and tender.   He and I had never kissed again like the
day of The Kiss.


"Why?  Tell him why, baby."  She knew.  I had told her about The Kiss.
She already knew what I would do, what I would say.


"I'm waiting for the moment.  The moment when he's ready to pull me
into his eyes again.  When he lets go of the leash he's put himself on.
The leash I never asked him to wear for me.  Let it go, buddy.  Come to
me, pull me in.  I want you to kiss me gone.  I need you to give me all
of you,  without holding back."


If it were possible, which I guess it was because he did, he cried even
harder, from fear, doubt, from a desire he could never answer without
feeling the desperation of losing me.  I saw it all in those soft flannel
eyes.


"You would do this for me?" He whispered.  And I could tell he still
couldn't grasp that this was something I wanted just as much as him.
Carol had opened my eyes about so many things.  One lesson I learned
above all others was not to avoid trying new things, that hidden
pleasures were everywhere if you allowed yourself to look.  I needed
Kevin to show me what sex with a man was like.  I too, had put myself on
a leash, wanting the experience, but needing to keep from hurting him.
But he was the only man I trusted to do this with.  I wouldn't do this
with any other.


"I want to do it for us."


When he heard those words his soft eyes stopped darting, and they pulled
me in. And the world froze and disappeared.  He became the only real,
solid thing in the universe, even I was reduced to nothing more than
elements of more than the five physical sensations.


I came back to myself carrying Kevin up the stairs to my room, our mouths
still locked together.  I sensed Carol behind us.


I'd warned Carol what could happen, if the stars aligned just right, but
I didn't expect it to happen like that, so fast.  I remembered far more
than the first time, my hands and mouth exploring his entire head,
smelling everything, tasting every part my tongue could find.  I violated
his ears, driving my tongue deep into his ear canals, both of them.  I
needed to know how that private part of him tasted, how it felt against
my tongue.  I used my lips and tongue to remove his earring, rolled it
around in my mouth to suck off the bits of him that came from inside his
pierced earlobe.  His nose I swallowed whole, the tip of my tongue
penetrating up inside each nostril, the snot from his tearful surrender
somehow as deliciously soothing on my tongue as everything else I'd
savored.  I licked his salty tears and cleaned his eyes.  I remember
chewing gently along that straight, sharp jawline I'd always admired.  I
sucked his Adam's apple, it was hard against the soft sweetness of his
throat, feeling it jump as he moaned. And then I wrapped my overly large
mouth to cover his entire throat, the feel of his blood pumping through
both his carotid and jugular pulsing against my lips at the same time
sending me even deeper into the nothing.  Here.  Here was where I joined
him, that merging that I wanted.  He lay beneath me offering himself as a
sacrifice to my hunger, my beast.  With every breath, I felt the air move
through his throat, his beating heart sending his blood through his
artery up over my top lip, and back to his heart through his vein across
my bottom lip, throbbing heat, over and over.  So strong.  Steady.
Solid, like him.  I existed only as his blood, his heartbeat, his
comfortable heat, his weightless air for an eternity.  For that time, I
felt like his life, and I've never known a peace like that ever again.
I don't know how long he fed me, but he gave me all of him, patient like
he always was until I'd gotten what I needed.


Still clothed, we got to the landing and I moved towards my bedroom.  I
spared a glance at Carol.  Her eyes were wide, and wonder was painted on
her face.


"Tom, my God.  Who are you?" She asked.


I left Kevin's soft, beautiful, comfortable lips, smiled at her.  "I'm
him.  I have him, he's finally here." As I pulled him to my chest.  A
tear slipped from my eye, tracing down my cheek.  "And now, he will have
me."


She didn't have to say it, I saw it in her eyes.  "You are the most
amazing man, baby.  I love you."


I smiled bigger.  "Thank you for loving me.  All of me.  Even the part
of me that is Kevin.  You didn't have to.  But that's who you are, and
you made this gift happen because of what you have inside you.  There's
no one I've ever known who gives so freely, and takes so
unapologetically.  I love you."


"Take him in there.  Give him all of you.  Show him what I see."  She
turned to go back down the stairs.  She wasn't worried that this would
change me, or change her and me.  That wasn't Carol.  In fact , she told
me before graduation months later that she was wet thinking about all the
ways she hoped Kevin would violate me.  She wanted to watch, but wanted
us to be free to do everything we wanted to, needed to.


Kevin stirred.  I looked down at him, his soft eyes completely still as I
gazed into them.


"No, Carol.  You're coming too." He said.  And then that smirk.  I
laughed immediately, no three second wait.  I had a feeling that my brain
would never have to catch up with his again.


"You heard him." I said, when she hadn't moved.  She was obviously
trying to figure out if that meant what she thought it meant.  "Get your
sexy ass in here!  Oh, and Kev's in charge.  No leash."


I had no idea what Kevin would come up with, but knowing him, Carol and I
were going to experience a few new things.  Carol was going to learn that
even though Kevin was a virgin, his beast made ours look like cute
puppies.  I remembered that all too well the day he took my soul.