Chapter 12

 

 

 

"You were beautiful when you sleep..."

 

 

 

 

I'm in bed with Joseph. My head is on his chest. We'd just had sex for the fifth time. Maggot caught us on the fourth time. Joseph was so rock hard that I literally had to push him off of me to get him to stop even after Maggot interrupted us. We'd been addicted to each other. It was almost as though we'd entered some sort of fairytale. You know the sort that I'm talking about. The one with the happily ever after. But some stories don't have a happily ever after. Some stories just have an end. An abrupt, sad, end.

 

 

And I was praying that wasn't where the story of Joseph and Cicily were going. I was praying that we wouldn't just end on some cold bloody battlefield. But who knew?

 

 

 

"You been watching me all night?" I ask.

 

 

 

He doesn't stop watching me, "If I die, at least I could say that I felt something real and looked at something beautiful. Something awfully beautiful. Do you think when we go they'll show this to people one day."

 

 

 

 

"If they want them to laugh," I suggest.

 

 

 

We both end up laughing at this. Maybe some levity between two men who thought they would die in any moment. Someone walks by. I turn and swear I see Bashir but honestly it was hard to tell. I start getting up but he pulls me back down.

 

 

 

"Just a little bit longer, please," he tells me and then after a few moments he take a deep breath, "i want you to promise me something. Then you're confused about something I want you to take a deep breath the answer to a riddle that might be headed your way."

 

 

 

I'm already confused, "What's the riddle?"

 

 

 

"You'll know it when you hear it."

 

 

 

"So you are going to tell me the answer to a riddle before you tell me the question?"

 

 

 

 

"Yeah. The answer is you."

 

 

He leans into me grabbing me, pressing his mouth against my mouth. I lean back and he presses his lips up against my neck. He lowers his kisses slowly. He starts at my neck and then gets lower and lower. He ends up at my collar bone. My body shivers. He continues lower to my nipples. I let out a deep low sigh. Finally he ends goes to the top of my pelvis. He gives it light slow kisses and I feel him tasting my dick. The slow soft kiss of my dick. I'd never felt anything in my life so amazing as when he finally puts it in his mouth.

 

 

It's warm, soft, and wet as he sucks me up. He tastes the entire shaft. He gets all the way down and a stream of long saliva oozes off of my penis.

 

 

He sucks it back up.

 

 

 

That's when climbs on top of me, "You're dick is so wet right now. I want to do something special for you. I want to take you to fuckin paradise man. You take me to paradise all the time. It's time to repay the favor."

 

 

 

My heart flutters when he sits on me. He nestles his ass cheeks up against my dick. The warm, amazing feeling surrounds me. It engulfs me. His body is so warm. He holds me for a minute after he mounts me. Then slowly he begins to rock back and forth. My dick spurts a few times in his walls but he doesn't seem to mind.

 

 

"You're so wet, you're so tight," I whisper.

 

 

 

"It's made for you," he assures me.

 

 

 

We're both panting in those next few seconds. The smell of barracks are all around us. Wounded men. The horrors of wars, the realities of battles and insane sights of death were all of that was amongst us. None of it mattered though in those moments when we caress though. I hold him tight giving him all of me.

 

 

He rides me until I explode inside of him. And even then he relaxes his muscles onto me so that I can release all of myself into him. When I'm done he kisses me heavily, tasting me and letting me collapse on his chest. He doesn't have a need to orgasm himself. For him this was all about me.

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

 

"Maggot you can't come in here..."

 

 

 

"Bullshit..."

 

 

 

It was the day before going out to the mission. We are about to enter the mission room to debrief. We're tired. We didn't have much time to miss. No one's in a good mood. We're soldiers though. The cameras are rolling and Lisa keeps reminding everyone to act like soldiers, whatever that means. I guess us nearly losing our lives over and over didn't count. That wasn't good enough.

 

 

"I'm just as strong..."

 

 

Tanaka shakes his head, "Only three people from each team."

 

 

 

"Let someone else sit out," Maggot states, "The point is I can keep up with the rest of you. Bullshit Tanaka."

 

 

 

Varney and Tanaka were so careful with him because of his age. Osiris and Lisa weren't going to say anything they were too busy fiming. It's sad really. He can't have a concept of fear of death because he hasn't yet truly enjoyed life. This was the world where we lived that gay boys went from one violent existence into another.

 

 

Where was the end of the rainbow for us? Where was our pot of gold? Boys like Maggot deserved it.

 

 

 

"That's not the point," I state, "The point is you are walking around like you aren't afraid to die...""

 

 

 

"I'm not afraid to die."

 

 

 

"You aren't afraid to die because you haven't had a reason to love life yet," I tell him, "That's why you can't go with us. Because where we are going. We won't be coming back."

 

It's the hardest thing to walk away from Maggot. He won't say goodbye to us even though Tanaka warns him that he may regret it. He warns the kid that this is a good chance he wasn't going to see us again. The kid doesn't care though. It doesn't matter to him. He's just staring in the hallway until some of the sentries come pull him off. He probably got an LOR or a letter of reprimand. It wouldn't be his first though.

 

 

That was who Maggot was. Young and scrappy as hell. But he was ours. It felt weird going on without him and I can't know for sure but I feel like that's why both Varney and Tanaka looked bothered.

 

 

 

e"We did the right thing," I assure them.

 

 

 

I don't think it really makes a difference to them either way when we walk into the room. We were soldiers. We had a mission. We had to move forward. There would be time to think about and reflect on our decisions in heaven.

 

 

 

The room is crowded and we are debriefed by important looking men with lots of patches on their shoulders. They are going through the battleground which in our mission just so happens to be a state building surrounded by enemy forces.

 

 

 

"Can't we just walk in?"

 

 

 

 

The question comes from Salvatore Mander. The representatives from Squad A are him, Bashir and of course my brother. Salvatore has a face that you just love to hate. The kind of man who just seems unpleasant for no reason. Then there was

 

 

 

"The issue is the RTLs have teamed up with the New Age Castles, but they have not issued a cease-fire."

 

 

 

 

"Meaning we will be shot at," Tanaka whispers to me under his breath.

 

 

 

He looks nervous. Everyone does. Everyone save Squad A. My brother has this huge smile on his face. He looks over at me.

 

 

 

"This is a chance at glory," he states turning right to me, "Some of us were born winners. While others not so much..."

 

 

 

It's a clear shot at me. If it wasn't clear enough he turns to his producer and winks. The line was probably pre-fed to him by some Boone think-tank.

 

 

 

"Tomorrow we set out."

 

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are in a truck the next day. The hummer drawing through the town. My mouth is dry. Outside there are bombings. I don't know who. Not too long ago I swear I saw a plane going down but they tell us to keep going. Squad A has a chant that they are saying. It's obnoxious. Members of Squad B are looking on impatiently. Pantaleo, my cousin Marcus and a female soldier named Loriana Greyston who hasn't said a word since she's gotten on the truck but keeps staring directly into my eyes as though she had something to say.

 

 

 

From my window I can see another truck pull forward. No doubt the cameras were in that truck. I press my face up against the humvee window when we pull up to the site. Across from Greyston is him. Io Castle. My M-16 is in my hands and I'm feeling a weight on it when he stares at me.

 

 

 

"Nervous..." he asks.

 

 

 

"We're not supposed to talk to you."

 

 

 

By now the bigger soldiers were out surveying the area. Salvatore Manderly had been put in charge. He circles the area with Squad A and even manages to take Tanaka, Pantaleo and Joseph with him. The others are carrying our equipment out. It just so happens I'm left alone with Io and honestly I'm completely shocked.

 

 

 

"Good soldier," he laughs, "He said you would be..."

 

 

 

I pause, "Who?"

 

 

 

"Thought you weren't supposed to talk," he teases, before answering shortly after, "I'm talking about Kaiser, of cousre. He said you'd be the one..."

 

 

 

"The one for what?"

 

 

 

He smiles, "No reason. You must be nervous. You should go say something before you leave."

 

 

 

I'm confused, "To who?"

 

 

 

"The boy who was staring at you the whole time."

 

 

 

"Varney..."

 

 

 

"No...I believe his name was Ballerina."

 

 

 

I'm confused. Even more confused when I leave the truck and find out that Io isn't exaggerating. Sure enough my ex Bashir Ballerina is perched up against the truck. I don't see the other members of his particular squad including my brother. He must feel emboldened. Not too far from us I can see Io still standing there listening in.

 

 

I want him to ignore his business but at the same time it feels like I can't keep him out of my sight.

 

 

 

"Salamander made me stay behind," he states, "Wants me to guard the prisoner. He sent back your little friend too..."

 

 

 

"Varney?" I ask.

 

 

 

I look around. I haven't seen Varney.

 

 

 

"I'm a prince, not a prisoner," Io Castle corrects him.

 

 

 

I give Ballerina a look.

 

 

 

 

"He may be right. We should talk in private."

 

 

 

We walk away from Io a little bit making sure that he doesn't listen to us and definitely making sure we don't offend him. The last thing Ballerina wanted to do was make an enemy of a Castle, even one in custody. He seems to think of it and doesn't argue though. It was though he was comfortable.

 

 

Ballerina circles around me. At times I'd caught him looking at me after bootcamp even after he went on television and made a spectacle with my brother. They had made it quite clear.

 

 

 

"So hey, you got a minute..."

 

 

 

"Kind of busy," I utter.

 

 

 

It's awkward because I don't want to be around him. Anything is better at that moment. I am pedaling some backpacks off of the truck waiting for the others to come back after clearing the area.

 

 

 

"So we may not have that much longer," Bashir tells me, "I wanted to clear some things up with you."

 

 

 

"Nothing we have to clear up. We're good."

 

 

 

"We're not."

 

 

 

He tries to put his hands on me. Not in an aggressive way but actually in a more intimate way like that. Not quite like a lover but not quite like a friend either. There was a bit of longing in there. Something that tickled me a little bit when he steps back and looks me right in my eyes. Our eyes connect and everything makes sense in at that moment.

 

 

 

"Bashir, my brother can come back at any moment..." I tell him.

 

 

 

 

"I know. It doesn't matter. There's so much that I miss about just being here with you."

 

 

 

 

"I'm not interested," I explain at that moment, "I care about someone else now Bashir. There was a time I would have chased you. But honestly there's someone else now Bashir. And it's beautiful. I don't have to chase him. Bashir. Because he's fighting for me. He puts up his weapons Bashir. He shoots back. I don't have to chase him because he's running towards me. He'll meet me halfway..."

 

 

 

He grunts. His eyes swollen. I think he's crying but he turns away before I am completely sure, "I can be that to you. Our story isn't over...Cicily."

 

 

 

"What about Cair?"

 

 

 

 

"It's not the same with him," he tells me.

 

 

 

I don't think he notices it but right at that moment my brother is there. Cair. He looks at me. I look at him. He heard what Cicily said. Not just him. Everyone who has returned. I'm confused when I see all of them looking around almost visceral shocked by what happened.

 

 

I think Cair would be upset with his boyfriend for what he says but for some reason he stares right at me and says, "You've always wanted this. Always wanted my life."

 

 

I look at him. I look at all the others.

 

 

 

For some reason, I know this my last chance. This is my last chance to say something meaningful to my brother. God knows if I'd make it to deliver Io Castle into the Palace to meet his husband. The RTLs were all over this place. He looks up at me and stares.

 

 

"You win."

 

 

 

For a moment there is silence and then he starts laughing. It comes out of no where. He isn't alone. The others are laughing with him. Marcus and Salamander seem to find it amusing.

 

 

 

"What's that even mean?"

 

 

 

"You can have it all when this is over..." I state, "Bashir. The titles. The show. The glory. You can have it all. All I want is one thing..."

 

 

 

"What?"

 

 

 

Just at that time there is an explosion. It's in the distance. It's wide and expansive. The shockwave echoes through the ground. A few of us fall. Those who remain standing clutch to our guns desperately searching for an enemy. It stretches out as far as I can see. The destruction is definitely clear.

 

 

And there is only one thing that I have on my mind, "Joseph? Where is Varney!"

 

 

 

Tanaka is at my side in no time. Through the rubble he pulls me up, "He's gone. Varney's gone and he took Io Castle with him."

 

 

 

The production truck finally catches up to us. The worst part of them catching up to us is the fact that they catch up to us at the worst point.

 

 

We spend much time searching the vicinity for both Varney and Io but to no avail. Salvatore Mander goes after me and Ballerina for not paying attention. Perhaps it was our fault. We had let the most important person perhaps in the world at this moment just walk away.

He seems confused about it.

 

 

An hour passes. Two hours. Night is falling. I can see on the look of some of the members especially in Squad A that they were desperate. The producers were desperate.

 

 

 

"We can't return and just say that Varney disappeared with Io Castle..." he explains.

 

 

 

He had a point.

 

 

 

"Varney wouldn't have done this without a reason."

 

 

 

"What reason could he possibly have to kidnap the son of a tyrant?"

 

 

 

 

He had a point. We had no reason to kidnap him. We had no motivation. The fact that he was even thinking about kidnapping Io made it clear that things weren't going so well in the war. We had all but lost to the allied forces. It was a foolish war to begin with.

 

 

But there was only one reason I could think of that Varney would leave with Io Castle.

 

 

 

 

"He's doing this for me..." I state.

 

 

 

"What?"

 

 

 

I look at Tanaka. Our eyes connect. Tanaka had been there for me. Maybe that's why I lean over and grab him by the hand. Our hands intertwine. For a moment we just sit there and think about about things.

 

 

"He plans on dying out there... so we don't have to."

 

 

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