Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2023 10:55:51 +0000
From: wide_n_sassy <wide_n_sassy@protonmail.com>
Subject: The burned man - Chapter 1

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author's imagination. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely
coincidental. This story is owned by the author and may not be reproduced
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Man on Fire. Chapter 1


I was in a funk, well that was an understatement. I was majorly
depressed. It was hardly surprising really, just about nineteen months
ago my husband had left me. I hadn't taken it well, especially as it
seemed he'd been seeing someone else for nearly a decade. I won't go
into how betrayed and stupid I felt but you can guess. I'd dropped some
friends because they'd known all about his `other' life, others who
kept telling me how stupid and blind I was to have not seen the obvious.
I suppose there was a certain amount of stupidity on my part but I'm one
of those people who believes in truth, honesty, and loyalty. When we'd
gotten together I knew he was the one for me, I knew in my soul that this
was who I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. We'd been
together nearly twenty-eight years and married seventeen of those. We'd
married as soon as the law had changed it was the next logical step.
We'd bought a house together, we had a small holiday cottage, we even
had a boat.


Now here I was at some fifty-three years old trying to rebuild my life on
my own. Although the divorce was final the financial situation was all
sorted out I was still in mourning. I still woke up with an ache in my
chest not just from the end of my marriage but the loss of my best
friend. Since he'd left I'd been functioning pretty much on autopilot.
I got up went to work, came home ate, walked the dog, showered, and went
to bed. One day just merged into the next and the next and the next and
now still after a year and a half, I hadn't moved on. I knew I had to
break the cycle of repetition when my boss pulled me into the office for
a review. After twenty years this was the first one that I hadn't
excelled at. "This won't do Michael," she said. "Go away, take a
break somewhere sunny. Get laid, just do something that makes you smile.
You're not just my employee Michael, you're my friend. So go on holiday
refresh your batteries, go to Greece, Spain anywhere where you can focus
on yourself. With a little time for you and some perspective you might
just realise you deserve to be happy and loved" she whispered that last
sentence. I looked up and saw the tears in her eyes and I too lost it
then. "As of now, you're on a month's sabbatical" she stood, and as
she passed by me on her way out the door she patted my shoulder. I just
sat crying in her office for the next half hour before pulling myself
together. This won't do I thought. So I took a deep breath headed back
to my office grabbed my stuff, and left heading home early. I knew she
was right I had to start getting my shit together or I was going to end
up with some serious mental health issues, well worse than I already
had.


Like people dogs tend to be creatures of habit so I completely surprised
Daphne, my dog when I got in. She was sound asleep upside down on the
sofa, a sofa she knew she wasn't supposed to be on. I stood in the
doorway as she snored as she slept soundly. I coughed a couple of times
but still, she slept on. I finally crouched down on the floor next to her
and blew softly on her nose, it twitched a time or two before a bleary
big brown eye opened and looked at me. Her tail began to wag slapping the
seat cushion, I wasn't cross. I chuckled as I nuzzled in close. "What
are you doing up here madam?" I asked her. She sneezed and snuggled in
closer to me as if to apologise. I took the comfort she gave me and after
another crying jag, I grabbed my MacBook and pulled up some cottages on
Airbnb. I wanted something remote, somewhere my ex Jack and I hadn't
been before. It took nearly four hours to find the right one but I did,
and it looked perfect.


Fast forward eighteen or so hours and the car is packed, the dogs in her
bed on the passenger seat next to me. We've got a full tank and we're
on the motorway cruising at seventy miles an hour heading to the north of
England, to Yorkshire. We had no choice but to stop several times for
food and drinks for us both and walks for Daphne to piddle. A little
after two in the afternoon and after winding through countless
single-track roads the tyres crunched over the gravel as we pulled into
the quintessential northern stone cottage. It was a chocolate box
perfect. I unpacked and fed Daphne and poured myself a large brandy as I
ran a bath. Some scented bath oil and another sip of the good stuff while
I spent the next hour soaking and letting the brandy do its work. I felt
the alcohol numbing my senses enough to relax just a little. I didn't
dwell but I had to look ahead. A small plan of action formed as I lay
there in the steaming water. I reluctantly got out of the bath nearly
ninety minutes after I'd got in. The water had cooled again considerably
even though I'd topped it up four times with more hot. My skin had
pruned and my stomach was growling so I knew I had to get out and eat. On
the drive up this single-track road, I'd passed a small pub about a mile
away. I figured it'd be the perfect place for some dinner and maybe
another drink or two, after all, I was on holiday. I fed Daphne and got
dressed, nothing special just blue jeans, running shoes, and a sweater,
and headed out down the winding road.


The pub was cosy and pretty full of locals, a fire was crackling in the
corner. There was a rich smell of woodsmoke, applewood if I was right. It
made me smile and think of my grandmother's place. The room went silent
when I entered and I got a few looks when I ordered my pint of beer. I
heard murmurs of "the idiot doesn't have a coat on," but ignored them
and just smiled and took a seat at the bar. The drink was sheer ambrosia,
I drank it nearly straight down and ordered another. I'm not a big
drinker, even after the ex left I hardly drank. I think I had more booze
today than I had over the Christmas period. I liked an occasional brandy
but generally didn't like drinking alone, and as I'm very much on my
own it seemed somewhat sad to me. I ordered some food at the bar, a
chilli with rice. I figured I ought to eat something less the alcohol
make me fall flat on my face. I already had a good buzz going. I did
manage to eat the chilli but the rice was overcooked, well it tasted like
the pan had gone dry. There was definitely a hint of burned food with
every mouthful, but I was starving and buzzing with alcohol so I ate it
all. I managed to stifle a belch, not being used to drinking the brandy,
and the three or was it four beers were kicking in quickly on that
near-empty stomach. I was grinning at myself in the mirrors behind the
bar and even though I'd eaten well I was still feeling a little drunk.
So I did what anyone would do, and ordered another beer. I also did that
thing you do when you're alone in a bar, I had a discreet look around at
the people in there.


After seeing myself grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in
Wonderland I began looking in the mirror to see who else was in here. I
saw various couples, all straight and a few groups of pensioners deep in
conversation. No one paid me any attention, I was about to call it a
night when I spied in the far corner a man sitting on his own. he was
doing his damnedest to not be seen. He had a baseball cap on with the
brow peak pulled low so his face was in dark shadow. The wall lamp above
him was off so the corner he was occupying was in shadows. He said
nothing, never looked at anyone, he didn't even look around the room or
make any attempt to engage with anyone. He just sat there with a
half-empty glass of beer in front of him. I was intrigued and I guess all
the beers and a couple of large brandies made me a little less, well a
lot less discreet than I thought I was being. So I sat there looking at
the guy, staring and willing him to look up at me. I don't know why but
I just felt inside it was important he did so. I don't know how much
time passed it could have been a minute it could have been twenty but
when he did look up his eyes locked with mine in the mirror. I felt the
breath catch in my throat. They were the intense blue of the Caribbean. I
gasped aloud, the rock of ice that was encasing my heart and freezing my
soul didn't melt it shattered.


I hadn't taken my eyes off his but was taken aback as he scowled at me.
It was a look of hatred that washed over his face. If looks could kill
I'd be dead on the floor already. He stood his rage and fury exploding
silently but the sudden movement sent the table rocking back and forth.
His glass tried to defy gravity but tipped and fell, his remaining beer
spilling everywhere over the table and pooling on the carpeted floor. All
conversations ceased instantly. The friendly barmaid rushed around and
began wiping the table. As she moped up the beer she spoke softly to the
man. Her words were gentle and the tension left his body as she patted
his arm. He glared once more at me and he left abruptly the door banging
as it slammed closed behind him. Everyone again turned to look at me,
some shook their heads others tutted and low murmuring filled the air.
I'll be honest I hadn't any idea of what I'd just done wrong. Well, I
know I was eyeing up a straight guy but to garner that kind of reaction
was a little over the top in my opinion.


The barmaid came and stood beside me, placing the man's empty glass on
the bar along with the soaking cloths stinking of beer. "You shouldn't
have stared at Alex," she said. Her tone wasn't friendly at all, "I'm
sorry I couldn't help it. When I saw him I didn't mean to gasp out
loud" I said. "You're not the first to do it, but he's still
extremely conscious of his scars," she said softly. "What scars?" I
said. She looked up at me abruptly puzzled. Her once soft face hardened
as she spoke "yes, his scars. The whole fucking bar heard you gasp." I
frowned at her "I'm sorry, but I didn't see any scars, what, I saw was
the most amazing blue eyes I think I've ever seen in my entire life" I
said. She looked a little surprised "You're telling me you only saw his
eyes?" She took a deep breath thinking about what I'd just said, she
scowled at me, her mouth forming an angry line. "You're full of shite,
now drink up and just go." I finished my drink. "I er, need to use the
restroom first if that's okay?" I asked, and she nodded. I used the
men's room and exited back into the main bar and headed for the door
"You really didn't see them, the scars?" She asked again. I looked at
her, I felt sad. I shook my head and headed out into the night air.


The country roads were unlit and the temperature had dropped
considerably, my breath fogged as I walked in the cool air. Fortunately,
thanks to all the booze I was feeling warm from within and I hummed to
myself softly as I walked. The only sound on the road was the scuffs from
my feet and the odd stone that skittered as I kicked it as I made my way
back to my holiday rental. A few times I stopped and looked behind me, I
had the sensation I was being watched. Maybe that was the wrong phrase
not watched but stalked like a hunter does after a deer. As I made my way
around the single-track lanes the wind whispered through the grass and
the adjacent fields. The rapeseed swayed and the scent of the flowers and
perfumed air filled my nose. The hairs on my neck began to prickle and
not from the cool night air. I could swear I heard soft footfalls and
maybe even a twig snapping. My pulse began to speed up, and I stood
motionless straining my ears, but there was nothing. But the fight or
flight mode was in full flow, even though I chided myself for my paranoia
I picked up my pace and quickly reached the cottage. I breathed a huge
sigh of relief as the security light lit up my car and the shingle
pathway and I laughed out loud. Shaking my head I fished my keys from my
pocket and went inside locking the door securely. Daphne had actually
heard me for once and began to bark and jump up at me for my triumphant
return and in celebration of my conquest over the dark.


I was in bed a half hour or so later mulling over the bar incident. I
thought long and hard about that man in the bar. Did I see his scars? I
replayed seeing him over and over but no matter how hard I tried all I
saw every time was his eyes. Even in his anger when he stood there
swaying incandescent with rage it was his eyes that captured me. He
seemed pretty big I seemed to recall as he stood there, taller than me I
would think and I'm six-feet-two. It wasn't just his height, he seemed
to make the room look small by filling all the available space. Yet no
matter how hard I thought, my mind could only focus on those eyes burning
and so very intense. As sleep crept upon me I saw those eyes and I smiled
before they dissolved in the warmth of the sea. I smiled as my
eyelids fluttered closed and I slipped off into my dreams. I was rudely
awakened by loud banging on the front door and Daphne barking like a dog
possessed. Now Daphne thinks she's a Rottweiler, especially when
there's someone at the door. She's ready to tear any intruder limb from
limb and there's many a postman who has nearly shat themselves thinking
of the hound behind the door. The fact is Daphne is a twelve-pound Jack
Russell terrier. She is a trans dog, she's a big dog trapped in a small
dog's body. As to tearing you apart, well truth be told she's liable to
lick you to a slow death rather than maul you to a pulp.


I stumbled out of bed to the window and peeked out the front. I can't
see much just, I can the top of someone's head at the door. I sigh as I
pull on my jeans. I head downstairs pick up Daphne and open the door. I
wasn't expecting to see who was standing there so I was taken by
surprise. It was the barmaid from last night. She took me in from head to
toe as I stood there shirtless, my jeans open at the top button. She
grinned somewhat lasciviously. I felt naked and somewhat exposed. She
just stood there staring grinning at me "Can I help you, or are you just
going to stare at my chest?" I asked. "Oh, er, I'm sorry that was so
rude," she said flushing pink before continuing. "I hate it when men
just stand there and stare at my tits." I laughed, her comment broke the
frosty tension. "I was wondering if I could have a word about," she
said pausing. I sighed "last night?" I finished for her. She nodded. I
too nodded and stepped aside and she entered the cottage. She walked
through the hall into the kitchen. "You want some coffee?" She asked. I
was confused here she was a guest in my holiday cottage asking me if I
wanted coffee. "Sure, why not," I said. She moved deftly around opening
the doors and drawers and getting coffee on the go. I looked at her
confusedly, my eyes squinting slightly closed, she knew where everything
was. I said nothing but was getting extremely suspicious of her motives.
She sat two steaming mugs down on the kitchen table, Daphne the betrayer
immediately jumped into her lap and licked her neck. I sat and just
looked at her waiting for her to speak.


This woman looked back at me not saying anything either. I picked my mug
up and toasted her thanks before taking a sip of the rich coffee. It was
amazing, and fucking hot. It seared my tongue but the aroma permeated my
brain waking it up fully. As I swallowed the scalding liquid the taste
ignited my tastebuds making my stomach growl. "You're hungry," she
said. I rolled my eyes "If you want to cook me breakfast go right on,
you probably know where everything is..." I said leaving the question
hanging of how she knew her way around a strange kitchen. She looked at
me and smiled, and laughed. "No, I can read that look. Just NO, I don't
fuck every man who stays in this rental. My family owns it, we also own
the pub as well" she said matter of factly. It was my turn to laugh now,
"well you'd have got a lousy fuck out of me" I said. She looked at me
still shirtless, "with a body like that, your claiming to be a crappy
fuck? I don't believe that for one minute" she said smiling. "I also
don't buy the insecure attitude, it might get the other women into bed
easily, but it won't work on me. I may be a country lass but I'm not
that easy and definitely not that gullible. Or that easy..." she said
with certainty.


I roared with laughter, and couldn't stop. I laughed till I had tears
and my side ached. oh fuck I was dying of hysterics she thought I was
trying to play it coy. Trying to seduce her. I wiped the tears away from
my eyes, still chuckling. "No, no you've completely misunderstood me.
Trust me, it really would be a lousy fuck I assure you. Not because I'm
a lousy fuck, anything but the contrary. Even if I say so myself I'm
pretty hot in bed" I was chuckling again. "It's just that I don't bat
for your team," I said raising my eyebrows for emphasis. I watched her
face as she suddenly connected all the dots "Oh fucking hell I feel
stupid" she cried out laughing. We both laughed for a few minutes till
we could calm down. I sipped my coffee and then spoke "So, Miss..?" She
swallowed her mouthful of coffee and replied "Emma, just Emma" She
smiled. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Michael" I extended my hand as I
introduced myself. "So just Emma, what brings you to my door at..." I
looked at my watch "oh fuck, at seven-thirty," I said. She looked a bit
guilty "oh sorry about that, but Alex wasn't home when I got back last
night. He's not been home at all in fact" She bit her bottom lip before
carrying on "I was a bit worried about you, that he might have come
around here" she said but no longer making eye contact with me.


I took another sip of the coffee, it was really good. "But why would he
come here?" I asked, she again averted her eyes looking everywhere but
at me. "Emma, why would he come here? Before last night I'd never seen
him. To be honest, if it wasn't for his eyes I'd never be able to pick
him out of a line up" I said. "You really are fucking bastard," she
said angrily getting to her feet. She was leaning on the table over me. I
looked up at her confused. "Look take this down a notch, why are you so
bent out of shape that I can't recognise him?" I said. She stood there
staring at me so hard I'm surprised she didn't sear a hole in my chest.
After a minute of her intense gaze, she spoke with surprise in her voice.
"You mean that, what you just said" she replied sitting down again.
"Look Emma, I'm tired and a little hungover, and very clearly missing
something here. So do us both a favour and explain it to me" I said. Her
head was cocked slightly to one side weighing up the truthfulness and
sincerity of what I'd just said. She scratched her head, bit her bottom
lip a few times then sighed.


She took a deep breath and this time she made really good eye contact "I
came because I was worried. Alex, he's my older brother. He was a
lifelong army man before becoming an officer in the SAS. He was an
officer and a bloody good one too, and was just a couple of months shy of
retiring when he was sent back into Afghanistan. He'd done a handful of
top-secret missions there and this was to be his last. They were flying
over some small village when his helicopter was shot down. Miraculously
he was thrown clear completely uninjured, but many of his men weren't.
They're a brotherhood, you know what army men are like... So he ran back
in and saved six of his men, when he went to get the seventh it exploded.
He was horribly injured, but he was lucky to survive. He was broken and
battered and burned but he's far too much of a stubborn shit to give
into anything least of all death. He has terrible PTSD and it's been a
long journey these past few years to get him to start socialising but
he's made progress. The first time someone in the bar commented on his
scars he put them in the hospital." She left that hanging. I sat bolt
upright in my chair suddenly aware she thought her brother had come
around to beat the crap out of me. "Hang on a minute, I didn't even
notice his scars," I said indignantly. "I know that now, and you know
that. But Alex doesn't know it" Emma said. "Shit," I said. "Yeah,"
she said. "Michael, can I ask what you were looking at?" She asked. I
felt my cheeks flush and she laughed "Wow, that's different..." she
giggled.


I rolled my eyes and I told her my story, not just about my husband
leaving me. I told her everything even the horrors that even happened as
a child, the first person I've ever told. When I got to the part about
Alex I carried on, "it was his eyes... they were so beautiful. I never
saw his scars. I felt, God this sounds so stupid. For the first time in
months, I felt calm." I wasn't aware of the point when Emma had moved
her chair closer to mine, my hand was resting in hers. The skin on her
hands was rough, I rubbed my index finger along her palm. "They're not a
lady's hands, I work on the farm mostly. I cover the bar three times a
week and clean this place between guests. She brought her free hand up
and wiped my tears away. I felt the calluses on her finger as she brushed
my tears away. I smiled at her, I felt a little lighter inside "I should
go if I'm not safe here" I said. She bit her lip again obviously a
nervous gesture as she thought. She was about to speak when her phone
began to ring, she didn't say much and hung up. She looked relieved, and
she smiled before speaking. "You don't have to go Michael. It's fine,
you're safe here. That was my dad, Alex is at the farm. I shouldn't
have come and it would seem I've overreacted again. I'm sorry if I
scared you" She seemed embarrassed that she'd just shared her
brother's vulnerability. "Emma, don't worry I won't say anything
about what you told me," I said. She nodded "I better get back, I'll
see myself out," she said standing. She leaned forward and kissed me
softly on my stubbly cheek. Then she left.


I finished my coffee and went back upstairs to bed, Daphne following a
few steps behind. I slid under the duvet and mulled over what Emma had
told me. At some point I must have drifted off and when I awoke a
few hours later my stomach was growling. I felt refreshed and slid out of
bed and had a quick shower. Once dressed I headed downstairs, I had a
late breakfast and grabbed Daphne's lead, and headed out to the back of
the cottage. She's deaf as fuck when I tell her to stop barking but when
I pick her lead up she's there like a shot. I didn't bother locking the
back door as I left and I had to carry this little mutt over the drystone
walls. We walked and walked ambling through the countryside. The sun was
high in the sky and a soft breeze was blowing, I found some old trails
and we followed overgrown pathways here and there. Daphne for a small dog
has a bladder the size of a tanker. Every thirty feet she had to pee till
I just let her off so she could follow at her own pace. As we walked I
sucked in the pollution-free air, it was cleaning my lungs and clearing
my head. I talked to myself as I walked. The plan I began elaborating in
the bath last night was growing into a realistic plan of action. A plan
to move forward and let go of the past, the hurt. All of it.


We must have been walking for about three or four hours or so. I was
hot, sweat soaking my shirt and even though our pace was slow Daphne was
panting heavily. Up ahead I could hear running water, just beyond a clump
of trees we came to a wide river. Daphne wasted no time and jumped in and
began lapping and playing in the water. I stood on the bank and threw a
few sticks for her, and finally, I thought bugger it. I took my boots and
socks off, I glanced around, and having seen no one around since we
started our walk peeled off my shirt then I dropped my jeans. I wasn't
wearing any underwear underneath and started wading into the river. The
cool water was refreshing but instantly made my skin prickle with the
coldness of the water. Taking the plunge I dove in, Daphne was barking
madly as I began to swim. The refreshing water was cool against my hot
skin and I felt a lightness envelope me. It was bliss, I swam and
splashed my dog. I felt light in my heart, unburdened. It felt good to
feel like this, it'd been so long. I wasn't fooling myself I was over
it all, but I knew now that something had changed in me. Small steps... I
told myself. As I thought I remembered that old Chinese proverb "A
journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." As I got out of
the water I spoke, "this is the first step of a new me Daphne." She
looked at me saying nothing but understanding everything. I stood and let
the warm breeze begin to dry me and after about another ten minutes or so
I lay upon the soft grass. The rays of the sun shining through the
branches letting the dappled light and warmth of the sun soothe me to a
zen-like state. I was relaxing naked in nature like I hadn't been since
I was a boy. As I lay there I let the sun continue finishing drying me
off and my eyes closed. Daphne was lying next to me softly snoring, she
was nearly fifteen and she slept pretty soundly now. "You'll burn in
this heat," said a deep resonant voice.


I sat up abruptly looking around for the person who'd spoken, Daphne
slept on. My head spun like I was in the exorcist but I couldn't see
anyone. I kept looking but was beginning to think I imagined the voice
and was going to lie down again when it came again behind me. "You'll
be sorry if you burn your cock and balls, trust me I know" It was
followed by a chuckle. I knew I was being watched now stood and tried to
quickly pull on my jeans. Hopping around on one leg I fell over in my
rush to get dressed. Naked I felt somewhat vulnerable, my socks and boots
came next, and then finally my shirt. I walked over to where I thought
the voice had come from, no one was there. The grass was well trodden
down and a few broken branches showed there had indeed been someone
there. I was kind of turned on someone had been watching me, but also a
bit creeped out too. I was about to go back to my still snoring dog when
I saw dew glinting off a branch. Who am I kidding I knew it wasn't dew
at this time of day. I reached out, the viscous liquid smooth between my
finger and thumb. I brought it to my nose and sniffed. Cum. I bit my lip.
I knelt and saw more splatters on a few leaves I swept my finger through
the milky puddle. I brought it to my mouth, my tongue darted out and I
tasted it. Mmmm definitely cum, I shuddered. I suddenly felt horny. It'd
been months since I last had a good wank, I just wasn't interested in
sex anymore. Not even porn. But tasting this I felt my cock thicken in my
pants and a wave of desire flood my system.


My hand made its way to my jeans and I squeezed my lengthening shaft when
I suddenly realised what I was doing. I stood up somewhat embarrassed and
wiped my fingers on the ass of my jeans. I went back to my sleeping dog
and picked her up and cradling her I began the long walk back to the
cottage. It seemed to only take a little over an hour to get back, why
does it seem like that? It was nearing two p.m. when I got back. I was
sweaty so I showered again, I fed the dog, and read for an hour or two.
Around seven I changed into another pair of jeans and headed back down to
the pub. I sang show tunes to myself as I walked down the lanes, it was
still bright and would be for another hour or so. Seeing the sun lower in
the sky on just my first full day away I felt chilled out and rested. I
was grinning to myself as I opened the old wooden pub door, Emma was
again behind the bar. She smiled as did I. I ordered a beer and rather
than sit at the bar I went to the corner where I had seen Alex last
night. I threw my keys and phone down on the seat beside me, I got a few
looks from the oldies in there but ignored them. I browsed my phone for a
little while and drank a few pints. I was browsing the menu when I heard
coughing next to me. I looked up and there again was Alex, I fell into
his gaze. He kicked my foot and I came to my senses "Move up" he said.
I slid along the bench seat. He sat down hard and heavy making the seat
bounce me slightly up and down.


He didn't say anything. "I think the words you're looking for are
thank you," I said louder than I had intended. The room went deathly
quiet, I looked up and I found a dozen pairs of eyes staring at me in
shock and horror. Jesus Christ what was I thinking I thought. Alex looked
at me hard, his jaw was ridged with tension. He nodded at me, I was about
to nod back when he spoke "then, thank you." His voice was deep and
resonating like big boulders clashing together. I knew that voice. I
grinned at him. He frowned at me. It was his voice I'd heard this
afternoon. I smiled and acknowledged his thanks then went back to my
menu. If it was his voice then it was his cum I had tasted. I felt myself
growing hard. I swallowed hard. I think I must have read that bloody menu
about twenty or thirty times and I still hadn't a clue what food was
written on it. "Don't order the steak, Emma can't cook red meat for
shit. Have the curry and rice, at least she can't burn the fuck out of
that" the voice next to me rumbled. I laughed "I don't know, I had the
chilli and rice last night and it definitely had a singed quality to
it," I said. He laughed "How can she fuck up chilli?" He laughed as
did I. Taking a gamble I held my hand out to him "I'm Michael" I said
smiling. He hesitated before reaching out and clasping my hand. He shook
it firmly. Not so hard to make me squirm but still a nice firm shake
"Alex" he said. "But you know that already don't you?"


He looked at Emma as he spoke, she instantly looked down and began
polishing glasses. "Yeah, I did know your name," I said. He looked back
at me, slowly. I met his gaze and held it before looking at his whole
face. He wasn't wearing a hat tonight. His hair was dark with grey at
the temples, cut short not military short but his ears still looked
somewhat stranded at the side of his head. He was burned on the entire
left half of his face, and down his neck, the skin looked like it had
melted somewhat. His lips were untouched and full and his nose had been
broken probably dozens of times as it was slightly crooked. His eyes as
I've said were the blue of Caribbean seas, he was one of those men who
had a dark double lash which emphasised them. The mixture of smokey haze
of his dark lashes heightened the intensity of the blue. He had full dark
brows softly arching over them. Even with his multitude of imperfections,
he was the handsomest man I think I've ever seen. A raw sexuality exuded
from every pore of his being, I felt an attraction towards him I didn't
even know I had. It wasn't pity or anything like that, I didn't feel
sympathy for him. Sure what had happened to him was fucking awful but
shit happens to us all. The scars were just part of him, like a tattoo or
a birthmark.


As I continued to look at him, at his face, his features hardened. I felt
the anger begin emanating from him like a heat haze. The trouble was I
was so enraptured with his looks I forgot to swallow and dribbled. As the
drool spilled from my mouth I looked down to see where it would fall but
quickly managed to suck it back up. Head bowed I looked up over my eyes
back at him, embarrassed. His anger was clear in his voice as he spoke,
his voice clear but loud enough just for me to hear "I know what you're
thinking Michael. You're thinking you've never seen someone so
hideously ugly, huh?" As soon as he finished he took a large swig of his
drink. He was looking straight ahead, he was expecting meanness if I
chose to reply. I have no idea why I said this but what I said was
instinct. "Actually Alex I was thinking I hope the rest of you tastes as
good as your cum." He choked and spluttered his drink over himself and
the table. He looked at me coughing on his beer, and I winked at him. I
grinned and fucking winked at him. What was I, fifteen? Fuck what was I
playing at? This is a soldier with major PTSD and I was acting like a
schoolgirl flashing my knickers at him. What the fuck was wrong with me?


I looked at him, he was staring at me. I bit my lip, "fuck Alex, I'm so
sorry. I don't know why I said that" I said. I stood quickly "I need a
piss," I said. He slid along the seat enabling me to get out, as I did I
stumbled and felt his hand on my ass. He gripped it momentarily and I
didn't acknowledge it, but I did smile to myself as I headed to the
restroom. I went in and sat in the stall locking the door, my breathing
was quick and I felt exhilarated. A minute or two later I heard the main
door open then a zzzzzip of a zipper opening and someone pissing then a
long fart. The basin was used then the door opened again and the low
murmurs of the bar crept in. It was then I sat there talking to myself
"Michael, Michael, Michael... you gotta reign this in. You're going to
get the shit kicked out of you. He's a fucking soldier, a big fucking
handsome soldier" I said and chuckled. "Stop it get a grip" I took a
deep breath and composed myself and even though I hadn't used the toilet
I flushed and unlocked the door. My next breath caught in my throat, for
leaning up against the sink was Alex. He looked at me, there was a fire
in his eyes, I was like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck coming
at it at full speed.


He levered himself away from the basin thrusting his hips forward and he
took two large strides toward me. His expression was confused but there
was a glimmer of a smile on his lips. I froze as he came to a stop in
front of me. Fuck he was tall, he had a good six inches on my six-two,
and he was wide too. A giant of a man, I braced myself waiting for him to
beat the crap out of me. I felt the air stir but no punch. I felt his
breath at my ear as he spoke. "I'm handsome huh? Are you sure you're
seeing the same man?" He asked. I swallowed hard "I know what I see,"
I said. His face got closer the ruined skin pressing against my cheek.
"Now I'm told my cum tastes even sweeter when it's fresh from the
tap" he whispered. As he pulled back our eyes locked, he leaned in and
kissed me. I felt fire igniting in my veins, as he pulled back a long
line of spittle was left connecting us. I looked at him, scrutinising
him, in the bright light of the restroom it showed every flawed inch of
his face. He stared into my eyes hard. I felt my desire for him flood my
system, his eyes bored into my soul and I smiled. I let what I was
feeling show on my face in my own eyes and he took a step back shocked.
He turned abruptly and left the restroom, I stumbled over to the basin
and washed my shaking hands and my face. I used the air dryer and looked
at myself in the mirror. What had he seen that made him look so worried?
I'm not ugly, I know that for a guy my age, I look pretty good. Sure
there are a few extra pounds here and there. But what spooked him? I took
a deep breath and headed back to the bar to find his seat empty. I looked
around for him, he was nowhere to be seen. I sat back in my seat, unsure
what had just happened.


I was gutted he wasn't there, had I pissed him off? Or was it simply
that I had scared him off? Shit, fuck and balls I said over and over in
my mind. I debated for a few minutes what to do. I finished my drink
before standing and heading out the door. I was going to have to find
somewhere else to go and leave in the morning I decided as I walked back
to my cottage. I was confused my mind going over what had just happened.
Alex was an enigma to me, he was giving out such conflicting signals. The
walk home seemed to take next to no time I put my hand in my pocket for
my keys and groaned. "Fuck" I grumbled, remembering I threw them on the
bench seat in the pub. I walked around the back to the kitchen but I'd
locked that door so I had no choice but to turn around and begin walking
back to the pub. The only consolation was in the time that had passed it
had gotten darker and it was beautiful seeing the stars starting to
shine. I stood in the middle of the road for a moment transfixed as each
new one began appearing like a jewel in the sky. Thanks to the rural
location there was no light pollution at all, I found myself smiling at
the sheer beauty of a simple velvety night sky.


I again walked into the pub, and once again everyone stared at me as I
headed back over to my seat. My keys were there glinting on the seat next
to where I had previously sat, I muttered and cursed at my idiocy. I
tried not to make eye contact with Alex who was once again sat back in
his seat again. He didn't look up at me as I came in, "hey Michael, you
okay " Emma said as she frowned at me. "Idiot that I am I forgot my
keys," I said and rolled my eyes laughing. She laughed, "here have
another drink, this one's on the house," she said popping a pint on the
bar. I hesitated I wasn't going to stay, but it was only polite that I
drank the proffered drink. I took a sip and sighed "mmmm that's good,
thank you" she smiled. I didn't want to sit at the bar itself so I
picked up my drink and thought fuck it, I walked back over to Alex. He
didn't look at me. I kicked his foot "move up" I said. I heard a sharp
intake of breath from the table next to me. Seems nobody dared piss the
big man off, I know he has his issues. But treating him like he's
wrapped in cotton wool surely can't be doing him any favours I thought.
He glared at me and I smiled at him, a big old toothy grin. It was a
genuine smile one that reached my eyes and was full of warmth. He shook
his head and slid up, I heard a chink as my keys fell to the floor. I sat
down without saying anything just as he had. "I think the words you're
looking for are thank you," he said. There was a lot of humour in his
voice. "Indeed those are the words, thank you Alex," I said. "Where'd
you go?" He asked quietly. I bit my lip, if I told him the truth he'd
think me stupid. But to lie, even by omission is against my life
principles.


Here goes I thought "you weren't here when I came out of the men's
room, so I left," I said. He looked at me `you left because I wasn't
here?" His voice was unsure "why?" I closed my eyes briefly "I, er...
well I, oh fuck it. Alex, I thought I had pissed you off somehow. My
feelings are all over the place right now, and I just suddenly felt very
vulnerable and very, very much alone. I simply didn't want to be sat in
a pub full of strangers staring at me feeling like crap. I'd rather be
back at the little cottage feeling like that without an audience, at
least there I could be cuddled up with my dog. I at least know she likes
me" I said with my voice cracking a little. "I never said I didn't
like you," he said. "I think you saw this afternoon how much I liked
you," he said. "Alex, you don't even know me. You know nothing about
me, you've made no effort to engage me in conversation. Not that you
should, but... I'm sorry. I gotta go" I said. He made to grip my wrist
as I moved and headed swiftly out the door. I was halfway across the car
park when I heard a deep voice. "Michael, you forgot your keys...
again." I stood there tilted my head right back and sighed. I heard
heavy footfalls on the asphalt getting closer and closer. "Just kill me
now," I said muttering softly to God above. I felt breath at my ear,
"Now you don't want me to do that, do you? I think you want me to do
this" he said.