Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002 22:54:19 EST
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: the recruiter part 5

The Recruiter
By: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed and would be very much
appreciated.  ENJOY!


	If someone had given me a mirror to take a look at myself, I'm sure
I would have looked as if I had seen a ghost: chalk white.  My voice up to
this point had gone m.i.a. and didn't seem to want to make a returning
engagement anytime soon.  Taking this golden opportunity to further make me
more uncomfortable, Shane decided that he needed to take a piss BAD.
"Excuse me Sir but I really gotta go to the john."  He said getting up and
taking every opportunity to smile at me.  Boy what I wouldn't do to bitch
slap him right now.  He didn't answer but with that smile he wouldn't need
to have said much and as soon as Shane was out of sight, he took the empty
seat across from me.  "I heard they promoted you Wallace, CONGRADULATIONS!"
And the thought that he was keeping tabs on me made me feel more
vulnerable.  "Yes Sir.  Petty Officer 2nd Class." I declared hoping that
the squeakiness in my voice that I heard was a figment of just my
imagination.  "No need to be so formal Wallace, I'm no longer your
recruiter, nor am I your commanding officer."  Oh please!  Tell my dick
that.  It seems that whenever I thought of Marcel it decided to stand at
attention.  "I know, it just takes some time getting used to.  So uh...what
brings you to New York?"  "Well Fleet Week for one.  I'm coordinating a few
activities for the public but more importantly, this is my new home."  And
to say a wave of regret and sadness washed over me was an understatement.
Apparently my initial reaction showed on my face as he asked me what the
matter was.  "Nothing, I um..I..Uh...I'm just surprised that's all."  He
looked down for a second at the place setting in front of him then back at
me and it was then that I realized that he was deep in thought, probably
about what happened or didn't happen between us.  "If you had called before
you left I would have told you."  And by saying that he had forced me,
forced us to talk about the issue.  "I know, I was really going to call you
but I...I, I felt..." I had to let my voice taper off as I didn't know what
I felt.  "About that night..." he started but I was determined not to let
him finish his thought.  Nothing good could have come out of what I
expected him to say, after all, look at the facts:

1) He's a married man with an exceptionally beautiful wife (I may be gay
but I am NOT blind)

2) He could have called me if he really wanted something to develop

3) He probably was doing a favor for a dopey, sex deprived teen that
couldn't keep his woody in check - ME.

That was as far as his feelings went towards me and I wasn't going to let
him dash my dreams by bringing reality into the picture.  "Forget it!" I
spoke louder than I had intended and brought with my booming voice a few
looks of annoyance.  "I'm sorry Sir, I just don't want to talk about that.
Believe me when I say I understand."  "What!?"  "I understand Sir, that
night, I understand what it was, what it meant to you and I...I just don't
want to get into it."  "Wallace let me..."  "No, I don't think this is the
place or time sir."  And it was then that I saw his face change from
complacent to something that I had never seen before-it reminded me of what
the DI's looked like in Boot Camp.  "And as a commanding officer in the
United States Navy I am COMMANDING you to stand at ease and let me finish
my sentence."  I don't know if I was more scared, embarrassed or both.
"You can't talk to me like..."  "I just did Wallace, now do me and yourself
a favor and shut up and listen."  And believe when I say that when a man
like Marcel tells you to shut up and listen, you do just that.  I sat back
in my chair and stared at his chin.  And then he started to speak: "I know
that what I did to you in the car that night was out of line and could have
gotten my ass fired but I don't regret doing it."  Now I was shocked.
"From the first time you walked into my office, I knew you would make a
good sailor and so far I've been right.  You have the heart Wallace, the
heart.  A lot of these young sailors are running around doing what they
have to do but not really, not really connecting.  But you, you really love
what you do and I am telling you, right here right now that I am proud to
have been your recruiter."  And to say I was reduced to putty in his hands
would be an understatement.  I looked down at my hands and saw that they
were wet, WET!  I instinctively reached up and wiped my eyes and came to
the conclusion that I was crying.  "Come on Wallace, you want to get out of
here?"  "What about Shane?"  "It appears he's a little busy..." he said
signaling that Shane was getting quite acquainted with the host, a tall,
good looking Spanish guy.  They were talking and I could read between the
line, the silent signals that they gave each other, not obvious to the
watching public but screaming hook-up to me.  He caught my eye and smiled.
I smiled back and followed Marcel out of the restaurant and unto the well
lit streets.

	To say I was entrapped would have been the truth but that would
have implied that I had been forced into this situation.  And as much as I
would have liked to convince myself that I was here because he was a
commanding officer, I knew in my heart it was anything but.  His apartment
was in Brooklyn near an area called Flatbush.  The area itself represented
what I imagined the hustle and bustle of New York life to be.  People were
out shopping even though the sun had long ago set and the moon was making
reappearance.  His apartment over looked all of this and to me, an
outsider, it was beautiful.  "You like?"  He asked walking two steps in
front of me into a small kitchen stationed at the rear of the living room.
"Yeah!  It's so spacious."  And it was.  From what I had heard from the few
guys that I met in the service who were from New York, the apartments
around these areas were pretty banged up and cramped up.  "Not all the
places around these areas are shit you know.  You just got to know where to
look."  "I didn't mean to say that..."  "I know what you were probably
thinking, it's preconceived notions.  It's like everybody who comes to New
York jumps at the chance to see Manhattan but barely takes the opportunity
to explore Brooklyn, or Queens for that matter.  You'll only get half the
picture if you do that."  And it had me thinking, since I had started this
journey, it had been all about exploring, hadn't it?  "I think I'll take
that drink now."  "Sure thing.  What do you want?  We got Pepsi, coke,
sprite, fruit punch, beer, rum, water." He said turning to me and smiling
at the last count.  "Ha ha funny, Pepsi's good."  He then got a glass,
filled it with ice and poured in the contents from the can.  "Here you go."
He said walking towards me and handing me the drink.  And would you believe
that when our fingers touched I let go of the glass and watched in horror
as it hit the wooden floor and shattered.  Panic set in and I practically
broke my neck trying to stop the spill from reaching his carpet.  "Don't
worry about it Stephen."  Hearing him call me by my first name for what I
think was the first time represented something more than the obvious.  "Oh
God I am so stupid!" I said shaking my head.  "Calm down, breath.  You made
a mistake, it's not biggie."  "Would you have been this calm if I got it on
your carpet."  He looked at the expensive material then back at me, "If it
were anyone else, no but for you, yes."  And that made me stop and look up
at him.  My heart was beating a mile a minute and I prayed that I wouldn't
do any foolish shit right now.  And it was as if I was in a dream as he
leaned into me and his lips touched mine for the first time, the first
kiss.  It brought me down for the count and I all but tumbled back into the
couch with his strong hands holding me, supporting me.  I felt the heat
radiating from his kiss and brought my hands to the back of his head
begging him silently not to let this moment end.  He obliged me and opened
his mouth to receive my tongue.  And it was as if I could have died and
gone to heaven.  It felt so so good being held by him, having him kiss me
like that and I knew from the way that I was feeling inside that I was head
over heels in love.  When we finally pulled apart, I took the opportunity
to look at him directly, to look into his eyes and to read them.  "What do
you see?" he asked well aware of my staring.  Embarrassed at being caught I
managed to stutter out what sounded like, "I can't read them."  "Shhh, you
will, we have all the time in the world."

	And that's how it went for days one through seven.  I couldn't
believe how fast the time went but as the old cliché states: 'time flies
when you're having fun' and boy was I having fun.  I had hooked back up
with Shane the next day aboard at around six thirty.  He told me that he
could see it in my face.  "See what?"  "Stop frontin man, I know something
went down."  "No you don't dip shit!  And look at you, practically drooling
over that guy that you've known for all of two minutes.  What did you do
with him or should I be asking what he did with you."  He slapped me with
his pillow and jumped out of the way as I attempted to retaliate.  "Ok
truth.  What happened?"  And for the first time I wasn't ashamed to admit
what I was feeling, "I'm in love!"  "What else is new?"  "What?"  "What I
just say?"  "You didn't know that before." "No YOU didn't know that.  I
tell ya Stephen, you are so dense."  "What's that supposed to mean?"  "If
you don't know by now, you'll never get it." And with that he had climbed
back into his compartment and promptly fell asleep leaving me with my
thoughts.  After that, we would get up early, have breakfast, entertain the
countless number of civilians that boarded and then headed to our
respective 'mates'.  Me going to Marcels' recruiting office and Shane
meeting Christopher at his den on the Upper East Side.  Those seven days
that I shared with him made me feel so warm inside that I dreaded leaving
again this afternoon.  "So what's gonna happen?"  "What are you talking
about?"  "This, us.  What's gonna happen when I go back on board and things
go back to normal?"  I knew exactly what I wanted to ask but I couldn't get
the exact words to formulate in my head.  "I don't know Stephen, I can't
predict what's going to happen but I know what I want to happen."  And with
that he leaned in and kissed me.  I just about melted unto the floor.  "You
need to stop worrying Stephen, everything will work itself out.  You'll go
back and finish your terms of service and I'll be here when you get out."
The look of dismay on my face at not seeing him for the remainder of my
service prompted him to continue, "We can always call and write and when
you head back home, let me know and I'll make a trip to see you."  It
wasn't that I didn't believe him, No, that wasn't the case.  I trusted him
with all my heart but I knew the realities of this were harsher than the
picture he was painting.  What were the chances that a new relationship
like this one would survive if we weren't even in contact for that first
crucial year but I wouldn't allow myself to think that far ahead.  "Promise
me nothing will change."  "You know I can't do that Stephen.  Word is bond
and I refuse to sit here and make a promise I can't keep."  At his words I
tried to imagine my life without him in it and I realized that I couldn't.
"I love you."  I didn't mean to say it but something inside me stirred and
I knew it was now or never.  "Stephen..."  "No, don't say anything now ok.
I know we haven't been together long but I know what, I know how I feel and
even though you might not feel the same way, I need you to know how I see
this, this thing."  He leaned in and kissed me again.  And again.
Releasing me he got up pulling me with him.  "I got to get to work and you
should be heading back."  I looked down at me feet refusing to cry.  "Come
on Stephen, cheer up.  How you think it's going to make me feel knowing
you're in the dumps like this."  "I'm trying, I really am."  He leaned into
me and engulfed me into a hug that I welcomed.  "You're a tough man so I
know you'll handle this like a true sailor."  I told him I would but I
wasn't too sure.  As we pulled apart I made it a point of duty to hold my
head high.  "Take care of yourself Stephen."  "I will Sir."  For what I
hoped wouldn't be the last time, he leaned in and kissed me so softly on
the lips, feather light that I hardly felt the pressure at all.  I pulled
apart before things got too far.  "I have to go."  "Yeah, me too.  You have
my number?"  "Yeah, you have mine?"  "Yeah, right here."  I said pointing
to my head.  I could tell that he was leaning in for another kiss but I
knew if he were to kiss me again, I wouldn't let go so I held out my hand
for him to shake.  He looked puzzled but didn't say anything.  Instead, he
grasped my hand and gave me a firm handshake.  We let go and then I saluted
him.  A salute that put things into perspective, into reality.  This was
the end for us, I knew it and I would force myself to accept it.

	That line of thinking worked for about three blocks as I walked to
the subway.  As the steps came into view I stopped.  What was I doing?  I
couldn't let the man that I loved walk away without some sort of promise
and that new thought had me turning around and walking back to his
apartment.  As his building came into view I saw something that made me
want to die.  With hands wrapped around his waist and her lips attached to
the side of his face, Marcels' wife stood marking claim of her husband for
all to see.  I didn't even wait for it to register, I just ran.

"Stephen what's wrong man?"  "Leave me the fuck alone!"  "Come on man, what
happened?"  He had been asking me all these questions since I had returned
in time to make my ship but I refused to let him know how used I felt.  I
let myself believe that there was a relationship for us, I delusioned
myself to believe that we could make something but how can you make
something out of nothing.


THAT'S ALL FOLKS.  I'M HOPING TO ADD AT LEAST ONE MORE INSTALLEMENT BEFORE
I GO ON A CHRISTMAS BREAK.  PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.  ENJOY!