Warning: This story does not contain any sex. None of the characters are based on real people, nor are they meant to resemble any living or dead people.

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Blake's Saga

Book 5 – Chapter 3

Arms

A few days before the funeral, Blake decides he wants to attend the funeral. Ian and Trace were going to leave it up to their son if he wants to attend or not. They didn't want to force it on him. The time has come, though, for Blake to prepare for the funeral. Blake makes sure that his suit still fits and that his dress shoes still fit. He has Ian take him out to get a haircut. On the same day that Blake decides to go to the funeral, Trace comes up with a plan to show support to Blake.

***

Trace gets on the phone and begins calling all of Blake's friends. The idea hit him when he saw Blake moping around, and he wants his son to know that he genuinely has the support of his friends and his family. Most of Blake's friends from high school can attend. They will be attending the funeral, and a day later, they will be attending a get-together at Blake's house. Trace is happy to have them attend. Trace gets up and walks to his hubby.

"Hey Babe, I spoke with Ryan, Rick, Juan, and Riley. Ryan said that he can pick everyone up. I wanted to make the funeral big for Ben and Blake. The more arms that Blake has supporting him, the better right?"

Ian smiles and pats his husband on the back.

"I'm sure that Blake will appreciate it."

Trace hopes that he will. It may not show that day, but he'll come around. Trace also needs to call their families.

***

Trace starts going through contacts making sure to call each family member. He isn't as successful as he was with Blake's friends. No one from Ian's family can be there, and only Michael and Ashley can be there from his family. Ashley was already planning on going because she was Ben's friend. Michael is going to support his nephew. Trace isn't too happy with the rest of his family or with Ian's family. No reason to dwell on it; he can't change it, so why worry about it.

***

It's a day before the funeral, and Blake's phone begins to ring.

"Hey Ryan, how are you doing?"

Ryan chuckles just a little.

"That was my line, but really, how are you feeling?"

Ryan asks his friend. He would want people checking on him if anything happened to Riley.

"I'm feeling better, but I still feel pretty sad. I dreamed about Ben and have for a couple of nights in a row. I can see Ben walking towards me, but I always wake up before he can get to me. So yeah!"

Ryan can't help but wonder about Blake's reply. He can't help but feel like Ben is trying to get something across to Blake. Would Blake accept his thoughts or blow him off? Only one way for Ryan to find out, other than to tell him, right?

"Blake, you know it's possible that he's trying to talk to you? You know, walking up to you to get a message across to you."

Blake would love to hear the message that Ben wants to give him. It could be words of encouragement or something profound. Ryan continues his thoughts to Blake.

"What he's trying to tell you is going to help you get through this; it's soul-shattering. I think you need to reach out to him. You know."

Ryan tells his friend. As much as Blake wants to see Ben and hear from him, he's not sure about seeking Ben's spirit out."

Perhaps, it was something to do with moving on because Blake might be tempted not to move on from him. It's certainly been hinted at enough. It would make sense for Ben to want that for his boyfriend that he's leaving behind.

"Blake, I need to let you go. I hope you figure out what Ben is trying to tell you."

Blake is ready to get off the phone.

"Have a good one, Ryan!"

With those words out of Blake's mouth, Ryan ends the call. It isn't long before the phone rings again. This time, it's Rick calling to check on his friend.

"Hey Blake, how are you doing?"

Blake would love to be napping or working on the project that he's been working on since the death of his boyfriend. He's been working on the art project between bouts of depression and people bothering him out of concern.

"I'm ready for a nap. Depression is hitting me hard."

Rick doesn't see any point in drawing this phone call out.

"Blake, I just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you need me."

He appreciates his friends calling him, but he is ready to end the call. Blake wants to relax and forget for a little while about what's been hurting him.

"Thanks, Rick! Love you, man."

Rick has no clue how much those words mean to Blake right now. Not to long ago, Blake knew love, and now life seems a little empty. He knows his life isn't devoid of love, but it feels lonely from where he is sitting right now. He's grateful for his family here in Indiana, as well as his friends.

"Bye, my friend!"

Rick tells his friend before he ends the call.

"Bye, Rick!"

Blake tells Rick. The call ends, and Blake takes a nap.

***

The big day has finally come, and Blake's dads are sitting beside their son, who has his eyes on the casket. He greets his boyfriend's parents, who thank him for coming, and then turn to the others who have come to grieve as well. The one thing that he can't do is approach the coffin because he's not ready to face the lifeless body of his boyfriend just yet. He doesn't want to lose his last memories of Ben. His friends come up and talk to him briefly, but much of that is still pretty much a blur. The one thing that puts a smile on his face is that Ben's parents have pictures on display that feature Ben and Blake. At least, they have not erased that time in their son's life. It puts a smile on his face as Trace and Ian ask about some of the pictures. Blake answers their questions willingly. He isn't about to forget those memories any time soon. He hopes that he remembers them for a very long time to come. Blake wishes that he could face the coffin, but he doesn't think he can handle it. He has a small token that he wants to drop into the coffin. On one of their dates, Ben found a four-leaf clover, and Ben gave it to Blake. Blake pressed the clover and kept it inside the book that he pressed it in until today. He's holding the book close to his heart, and that catches his dad's attention. They aren't sure what's in the book, but they are ready to find out.

"Blake, what is special about this book?"

Ian asks as his son opens up the book to the page that has the clover in it.

"We went for a walk along the river. Ben was holding my hand, and we just walked. At one point, we stopped, and Ben looked down at this patch of clover. I commented about how it would be cool to find a four-leaf clover, and then almost on cue, he looked down again, and there it was; a four-leaf clover. Ben picked it, and then he gave it to me. He told me always to keep it because it made us lucky. I want to put it inside the coffin."

Blake tells his dad. This is when Trace puts his hand on his son's shoulder.

"I am not telling you what to do with that cloverleaf, but if it means anything to you, I would keep it."

Blake thinks about Trace's words and decides to keep the clover as a remembrance of that day. As they move into the funeral chapel, Blake cannot believe the number of people he recognizes. Ian, Blake, Trace, Michael, and Ashley all sit down together. They are surrounded by the friends of Ben's and Blake's. It feels so good to be surrounded by family and friends.

***

The service itself is beautiful. The person giving the sermon is fantastic. It's religious without feeling like anyone is being put down for being a part of the LGBT+ rainbow. Blake was even mentioned as being a part of the life that was Benjamin's beautiful life. You would be lying if you said you didn't have a tear in their eyes during the funeral. Ben's dad spoke of his son's achievements. His mother read portions of Ben's journal that he had previously shared with her. One of the journal entries came from the day that Blake and Ben first met.

"Today, I met this guy that is related to my friend, Ashley. His name is Blake, and he is super cute. He has dark brown eyes, which I love. We talked for a long time at lunch. I can't wait to see him again. I want to learn what makes him tick. I know it's too early to say this, but I think he would make a great boyfriend if we can get to this point. Can't wait to see Blake again."

Blake loved hearing his boyfriend's words. He remembers that day. Ashley smiles as she listens to her friend's words. She remembers that day. Blake was highly nervous, and Ben was worried as well. She knew they would hit it off, and it was all Blake's doing. If it weren't for Blake's interest in Ben, she wouldn't have put them together. When the time came for the funeral to end, Blake couldn't contain himself. He doesn't know if he could hold in his emotions long enough to make it past the coffin. Ian is trying to watch his son as, row by row, people got up and passed by the coffin. As the rows empty and come closer to where Blake is sitting, Blake gets exceptionally anxious. It's Blake Trace's and Ian's turn to approach the coffin. As they approach the casket, Blake starts to cry. Ian is walking out of the chapel with Blake, who is sobbing out of control at this point. They walk out of the funeral home and head to the car. It leaves Trace in the funeral home to say goodbye to everyone.

"Blake, are you okay?"

Ian asks as they get situated in the car.

"I-I...couldn't, Dad. I couldn't see him."

His dad understands how Blake is feeling. Blake didn't want to ruin his memories of his boyfriend by seeing Ben in the coffin. Blake eventually quiets down, and around that same time, Trace showed up at the car.

"Are we going to graveside?"

Trace asks as he looks into the backseat at Blake.

"Yes."

His son answers him, but then he goes quiet again. Knowing where he is going makes it easy for Trace to drive there.

***

Trace, Ian, and Blake arrive at the cemetery along with everyone else from the funeral home. Trace and Ian stand on either side of Blake, while Blake's friends stand around them in spots where they can see the grave. Ryan, Caden, and Jared make sure that Riley is upfront to see without having to worry about someone blocking his view. Collin, by the way, is staying with Jay, Trace's ex-partner. Michael wanted Jay to attend, but he was already asked to babysit Collin. There was no mention of Blake's and Ben's relationship at the graveside, but Ben's orientation was mentioned. They are talking about heaven and Ben's entry into heaven. Blake doesn't know if he'll make it to heaven, but he hopes Ben will. Rick could be heard saying that he hopes he gets into heaven. Everyone in attendance at this point is looking up into heaven for a sign that Ben is there, except for Blake because he knows that Ben is nearby. He can't see him or feel him, but he knows that he is there. Why would he want to be there? Maybe, he is there watching over the crowd, or maybe it's to be with his friends and family. It wouldn't be so bad if he were there. Before Ben's family walks away, Ben's father walks over to Trace and invites the family to the family dinner that their church is putting on. Ian overhears the invite, and then he looks at his watch. In a half-hour, it will be time to meet Jay and Collin at the house. He is worried that Trace may have forgotten that they need to get home in 30 minutes. Before Ian can say a thing, Trace gives him a look that usually means, would you please help me out.

"Thanks for the invite, Mr. Hatcher, but we need to pick up Collin from the sitter."

Ian says to Ben's father. Mr. Hatcher is a little disappointed.

"Sorry that you can't be there. We are going to head out. We'll have to have you and the family over for dinner at a later date."

Trace reminds all of Blake's friends about the remembrance.

"Dad, can I spend some time at the grave?"

Blake asks Ian and Trace. Ian nods his head affirmative.

***

The dads, Michael, and Ashley, are watching as Blake stands near the grave. They can't hear what Blake is saying. Blake stands next to the grave and looks down at the grave. His thoughts go straight to Ben.

"Ben, if you can hear me. I love you. Your services were amazing. The flowers were beautiful. I think you would have liked them. I-I-I don't know what else I want to say. I...I guess that I'll go home. I want to know what you've been trying to tell me in my dreams. Please tell me! I love you, Benjamin! I miss you!"

Ben heard every word that Blake said to him. Everything is good. Blake turns and heads back towards his family. As he does, a cardinal takes off from where it had been sitting while Blake spoke with Benjamin. Blake doesn't see it, though. Trace, Blake, and Ian get into the car head for home. Michael and Ashley follow behind them to help Trace and Ian. When they get home, Blake relaxes while everyone else in the house gets busy.

***

It's the next day. Ian Trace, Jay, Michael, and Ashley are busy setting up for everyone coming to the house while Blake plays basketball with his little brother. Before the first guest arrives, Ian has Blake and Collin begin to get ready for the guests arriving at the house. Blake showers and then gets back into the suit that he wore to the funeral. Ian fills the tub for Collin and then hangs out in the office till Collin is ready to have his hair washed. Once his hair is washed, Ian walks out of the bathroom and lets his son dry off, only to come back with clothes for his son to wear. Collin and Blake are now ready for the guests to arrive. Trace and Ian light up the fire in their firepit for an activity after everyone eats. They set out pencils and pieces of paper. The idea is that they will write messages on the paper for Ben and then throw the paper into the fire. Trace starts up their grill, and Jay starts up his charcoal grill. Together, they start cooking brats, hot dogs, Italian sausage, hamburgers, and chicken breasts. Ian makes up a quick punch while Michael and Ashley prepare a salad, a veggie, and a fruit tray. Michael put the frosting on the cupcakes that Ashley made last night. It isn't long before the first guests arrived. Everyone is greeted by Blake and hangs out with their friend outside in the background. When the food is done, everyone gets busy eating and enjoying each other's company. As everyone winds down their eating, Trace and Ian get ready to start the next part of their day. It should be interesting. Ian steps up to speak.

"Okay, everyone, can I have your attention? When you arrived, you should have been given a pencil and paper. If not, there is paper and pencils up here by me. Please come up and grab one. You are going to write a message to Ben and then place it into the fire, and while you are at, think of a memory that you would like to share about Ben."

Ian tells the group. Blake thinks this all pretty silly. He loved Ben, but he doesn't get why they are making everyone do this senseless activity. Still, he's going to go for it all the same.

"Ben, I will miss you forever. Do you miss me? I love you forever!"

Blake walks over to the fire and places the paper into the fire. He watches as the flames consume his message. The fire blows embers up into the air. Blake watches as, one by one, everyone adds a slip of paper to the fire. Ryan's message that if Blake could have seen it, might have hit him pretty hard.

"Hey Ben, Ryan here. Look, man, Blake has been hurting, and he needs to know that you are still there. Keep watching over him but let him love someone else!"

Ryan's message was the third one to enter the flame's embrace. Trace wonders if seeing all his friends putting their messages into the fire gives Blake feelings. Ian is having similar thoughts as well. To be honest, now that Blake has done the whole message into the fire, he realizes it's not so weird.

"Okay, everyone, we have one more activity that we want to do with all of you. Remember, we asked you to come up with a memory of Ben to share with us. Well, now is the time to share those memories."

They hope everyone will share their memories of Blake's deceased boyfriend. Ryan is the first to stand up.

"One of my favorite memories of Ben was the day that we all met in Ms. Browning's classroom when that Adam kid was bullying Riley. Ben didn't blink twice about it. He jumped in with us and never looked back. He was ready to stand up for my guy."

Blake remembers that day, and Ben was happy to step up and to help out their friend. Riley stands up next.

"Ben...was-was in my gym class. He-he played bas-ketball with me. No-no one would play with me. He-he did."

Blake and Ryan can't be sure of that memory, but it sounds like something that Ben would do. Rick stands up next.

"My favorite memory of Ben was a time when we were hanging out at Blake's house. Somehow, Blake convinced us to play one of his board games. I said something, and Ben just went with it., and everyone was cracking up. His joke lead us to find an ad-lib online and spending a half-hour just printing them off and filling them in, and I promise you it was a great night."

Blake remembers that night and admits that it was a fun night. Juan stands up, and immediately he looks back at Blake.

"My favorite memory was at your house also at your Blake. We were invited over soon after Rick's dad was arrested. Trace and Ian invited over to do those individual pizzas on the English muffins, which by the way, were great. The thing I remember the most about that night was Ben sharing his comedy routine with us. It was an amazing night."

Blake didn't share a memory; instead, he quietly thinks about all the memories that his friends have shared. Ryan talks with Riley for a second.

***

Ryan follows Riley as the latter heads towards the couch because before they gather everyone up, Ryan has to speak with Blake. He needs to talk with him someplace private.

"Blake, can we talk for a second?"

In his hands, Ryan holds an envelope that Seth gave him, and inside of it, there is an exceptional piece of writing. Seth made it very clear that no one else but Blake should read the piece of enclosed paper.

"Yeah, we can talk. Let's go up to my room."

Once in the room, Ryan hands the envelope over to Blake. Blake opens the envelope and takes out the poem that is printed on card stock paper. Blake glances at it and then looks at Ryan.

"Thanks, Ryan!"

Blake says without reading it, and Ryan smiles but then looks at the piece of paper.

"Don't you think that you should read it before thanking me?"

Blake lifts the paper and starts to read it.

`Promise me –

I know that I left you without saying goodbye just know that I love you, and that I always will. Now I didn't know that my time was up on this sphere but I need you to listen to these words as you read them, because I need you to promise to keep what you read in your heart until the day you find true love.

Promise me, you'll live your life without looking back on what might have been. Be open to others who cross your path because you'll never know who might touch heart. I want you to love again and I want you to be loved back without thoughts of me and my approval.

Promise me, you'll keep the goals that you wanted to reach, when we were walking together. Keep reaching for your goals and then reach for the stars. Remember, these words, luck comes to those who are ready to accept and to see opportunities when they knock at your door. I know it won't be easy so keep reaching for the heavens.

Blake, promise me that you'll find love. I know someone will touch your soul someday. Honor them and let them honor. Never settle for anyone or anything. I'll repeat this thought, keep your heart open because you never know when love will come again.'

Blake's eyes water a bit as he reads it. When Ryan sees the tears, he walks up to Blake and hugs him. Ryan turns and leaves the room. Blake wipes the moisture from his eyes, and then he gets out his phone. He calls his friend Seth. His friend doesn't answer the phone, so Blake leaves a message for him.

"Thanks, Seth, the poem felt like Ben spoke it. The parts that got me are when you talked about my goals and then talked about...about me finding love again. Thank you, Seth! God bless you!"

Blake tells his friend with his heart much more open to whatever may come his way.

"Thanks again, Seth!"

He ends the call and then takes the paper down to show his dads what Seth wrote for him. He finds them closing the front door as the last of their guests head out for the night. Blake sits down on the couch, and he rereads the poem. The tears return as Blake reads it. When Ian and Trace return to the living room, he invites them to sit beside him.

"Ryan gave me the poem. It was written by my friend, Seth. I think you all know him. Here you can read it; bring it up to me when you are done."

Ian has a different idea, though. Blake reads it out loud for the first time. It hits pretty hard for them. They don't tear up, but they know by looking at their son just how much emotions are hitting him at the moment. Blake wipes the tears from his eyes. Blake finishes the poem and then heads up to his room.

***

Blake goes up to his room so he can go to sleep. Blake's emotions have been in control for several days. It has him feeling pretty tired now that everything is over, and he can relax. Since his emotion has been so high, he's exhausted, and his body needs a rest. He'll sleep for quite some time. It's been a rough couple of weeks for Blake, and I don't think anyone would argue that, and I hope people leave him alone. Blake needs the rest. Hopefully, he gets a chance to rest without nightmares.

***

No one in the house disturbs him as he sleeps. Trace and Ian keep Collin from intruding on his brother's sleep. His dads know that Blake needs his sleep. They keep any friends from bugging him. Blake went to bed around 5:00 pm, and he slept through till the next day. When he wakes up, breakfast is being made by Ian. Blake usually steps in to help cook whatever meal is being made, but today Ian isn't letting that happen.

***

Blake is up and sitting in the dining room, where he is watching the meal being made.

"Dad, why won't you let me help you with breakfast?"

Ian smiles at his son.

"You aren't helping me because you've had one hell of a week and a half, so relax. You've cooked enough for us."

Blake relaxes and allows Ian to cook without interruption. It is breakfast filled with foods that Blake loves. Each person gets an omelet with one or two eggs, their choice of French toast, blueberry pancakes, bacon or sausage, fresh fruit, toast with either grape jelly, apple butter, and apricot jelly, and freshly squeezed orange juice. Trace walks into the dining room and sits down at the table.

"Are you good?"

Trace asks his son.

"I'm good, Dad."

Blake says as Collin enters the room. Collin smiles as he looks at his family.

"Good morning!"

The little guy tells his dads and his brother.

"Good morning, little bro."

Blake tells his brother. Collin smiles and then gets up in his chair

"Are you hungry?"

Trace asks his youngest.

"Yes, Daddy."

Ian needs his husband to help get the meal on the table.

"Trace, a little help would be greatly appreciated right now."

Blake and Trace get up from their seats and help get the table filled with food.

"Okay, help is coming."

In no time, the table is set, and it's time to eat."

Ian and Trace see to it that Collin's plate has food on it, and then they wait for Blake to serve himself before serving themselves. Everyone has their fill, and Blake is ready to head upstairs.

***

Blake begins working on his art project. It's a special project for him. One that started with that fateful picture of Ashley's that started fueled Blake's crush on Ben, and it ends with the last photo that Blake took of Ben just days before the accident. He adds one last picture to the mix and carefully places it in the very last open spot on the page. A place he reserved for this last picture. A picture of Ben taken while out on a date. A date that marked the last time that they would have a date together. He wants always to remember him. Blake walks downstairs with his project in hand. Ian is in the living room reading to Collin when he sees Blake.

"What are you holding?"

Ian asks, looking at the paper that his son is holding. Blake turns it over and allows his dad and little brother to see the pictures.

"Blake, this is beautiful!"

The picture of Ben taken by Ashley sits within a hand-drawn rosebud, and all the images are sitting amongst scattered rose petals.

"Thanks, Dad! I am going to put it up in my room. Can you buy me a picture frame?"

Ian nods his head, and Blake walks back upstairs.

***

After putting the picture away, Blake feels the need to head out to the backyard. He needs some solace. It's quiet outdoors, and no one else is outside. Sitting next to some fragrant flowers, he looks up into the sky.

"Ben, are you up there? I don't need a sign to know that you're here with me. I just need you to listen. I-I-I love you. Did you hear the poem that Seth wrote for me? I hope that when I do meet someone new that you'll be okay with it?"

Right after that, he heard a mourning dove start doing its call. When he looks up at the tree in the back of him, he sees the dove. It appears to be looking right down at him. Blake feels peace washing over him. He doesn't know if this dove is heaven-sent or not, but he takes it as a sign that Ben is close by him. Doves were Ben's favorite bird. He thinks this is huge, so he gets out his phone and calls Seth.

"Seth, I went outside, and I was talking to Ben. I know it sounds crazy, but I needed him to hear me. While I was talking to him, a mourning dove landed near me and started to call. I don't know if Ben was close by or not, but I am taking it as a sign that he was there."

Blake texts his friend. In minutes, his friend responds to him.

"It sounds like Ben was there, or at least he heard you and responded to you. I say take it as a sign like you said."

Blake smiles and then goes back to his room to continue relaxing. He also wants to record his thoughts in his journal. He grabs his pen and begins to record his thoughts on what happened.

***

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