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Copyright ©2010-2021
Blake's Saga
Book 5 –
Chapter 3
Arms
A few days
before the funeral, Blake decides he wants to attend the funeral. Ian and Trace were going to leave it up to
their son if he wants to attend or not.
They didn't want to force it on him.
The time has come, though, for Blake to prepare for the funeral. Blake
makes sure that his suit still fits and that his dress shoes still fit. He has Ian take him out to get a haircut. On the same day that Blake decides to go to
the funeral, Trace comes up with a plan to show support to Blake.
***
Trace gets
on the phone and begins calling all of Blake's friends. The idea hit him when he saw Blake moping
around, and he wants his son to know that he genuinely has the support of his
friends and his family. Most of Blake's
friends from high school can attend.
They will be attending the funeral, and a day later, they will be
attending a get-together at Blake's house.
Trace is happy to have them attend.
Trace gets up and walks to his hubby.
"Hey Babe, I
spoke with Ryan, Rick, Juan, and Riley.
Ryan said that he can pick everyone up.
I wanted to make the funeral big for Ben and Blake. The more arms that Blake has supporting him,
the better right?"
Ian smiles
and pats his husband on the back.
"I'm sure
that Blake will appreciate it."
Trace hopes
that he will. It may not show that day,
but he'll come around. Trace also needs
to call their families.
***
Trace starts
going through contacts making sure to call each family member. He isn't as successful as he was with Blake's
friends. No one from Ian's family can be
there, and only Michael and Ashley can be there from his family. Ashley was already planning on going because
she was Ben's friend. Michael is going
to support his nephew. Trace isn't too
happy with the rest of his family or with Ian's family. No reason to dwell on it; he can't change it,
so why worry about it.
***
It's a day
before the funeral, and Blake's phone begins to ring.
"Hey Ryan,
how are you doing?"
Ryan
chuckles just a little.
"That was my
line, but really, how are you feeling?"
Ryan asks
his friend. He would want people
checking on him if anything happened to Riley.
"I'm feeling
better, but I still feel pretty sad. I
dreamed about Ben and have for a couple of nights in a row. I can see Ben walking towards me, but I
always wake up before he can get to me.
So yeah!"
Ryan can't
help but wonder about Blake's reply. He
can't help but feel like Ben is trying to get something across to Blake. Would Blake accept his thoughts or blow him
off? Only one way for Ryan to find out,
other than to tell him, right?
"Blake, you
know it's possible that he's trying to talk to you? You know, walking up to you to get a message
across to you."
Blake would
love to hear the message that Ben wants to give him. It could be words of encouragement or
something profound. Ryan continues his
thoughts to Blake.
"What he's
trying to tell you is going to help you get through this; it's soul-shattering. I think you need to reach out to him. You know."
Ryan tells
his friend. As much as Blake wants to
see Ben and hear from him, he's not sure about seeking Ben's spirit out."
Perhaps, it
was something to do with moving on because Blake might be tempted not to move
on from him. It's certainly been hinted
at enough. It would make sense for Ben
to want that for his boyfriend that he's leaving behind.
"Blake, I
need to let you go. I hope you figure
out what Ben is trying to tell you."
Blake is
ready to get off the phone.
"Have a good
one, Ryan!"
With those
words out of Blake's mouth, Ryan ends the call.
It isn't long before the phone rings again. This time, it's Rick calling to check on his
friend.
"Hey Blake,
how are you doing?"
Blake would
love to be napping or working on the project that he's been working on since
the death of his boyfriend. He's been
working on the art project between bouts of depression and people bothering him
out of concern.
"I'm ready
for a nap. Depression is hitting me
hard."
Rick doesn't
see any point in drawing this phone call out.
"Blake, I
just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you need me."
He
appreciates his friends calling him, but he is ready to end the call. Blake wants to relax and forget for a little
while about what's been hurting him.
"Thanks,
Rick! Love you, man."
Rick has no
clue how much those words mean to Blake right now. Not to long ago,
Blake knew love, and now life seems a little empty. He knows his life isn't devoid of love, but
it feels lonely from where he is sitting right now. He's grateful for his family here in Indiana,
as well as his friends.
"Bye, my
friend!"
Rick tells
his friend before he ends the call.
"Bye, Rick!"
Blake tells
Rick. The call ends, and Blake takes a
nap.
***
The big day
has finally come, and Blake's dads are sitting beside their son, who has his
eyes on the casket. He greets his
boyfriend's parents, who thank him for coming, and then turn to the others who
have come to grieve as well. The one
thing that he can't do is approach the coffin because he's not ready to face
the lifeless body of his boyfriend just yet.
He doesn't want to lose his last memories of Ben. His friends come up and talk to him briefly,
but much of that is still pretty much a blur.
The one thing that puts a smile on his face is that Ben's parents have
pictures on display that feature Ben and Blake.
At least, they have not erased that time in their son's life. It puts a smile on his face as Trace and Ian
ask about some of the pictures. Blake
answers their questions willingly. He
isn't about to forget those memories any time soon. He hopes that he remembers them for a very
long time to come. Blake wishes that he
could face the coffin, but he doesn't think he can handle it. He has a small token that he wants to drop
into the coffin. On one of their dates,
Ben found a four-leaf clover, and Ben gave it to Blake. Blake pressed the clover and kept it inside
the book that he pressed it in until today.
He's holding the book close to his heart, and that catches his dad's
attention. They aren't sure what's in
the book, but they are ready to find out.
"Blake, what
is special about this book?"
Ian asks as
his son opens up the book to the page that has the clover in it.
"We went for
a walk along the river. Ben was holding
my hand, and we just walked. At one
point, we stopped, and Ben looked down at this patch of clover. I commented about how it would be cool to
find a four-leaf clover, and then almost on cue, he looked down again, and
there it was; a four-leaf clover. Ben
picked it, and then he gave it to me. He
told me always to keep it because it made us lucky. I want to put it inside the coffin."
Blake tells
his dad. This is when Trace puts his
hand on his son's shoulder.
"I am not
telling you what to do with that cloverleaf, but if it means anything to you, I
would keep it."
Blake thinks
about Trace's words and decides to keep the clover as a remembrance of that
day. As they move into the funeral
chapel, Blake cannot believe the number of people he recognizes. Ian, Blake, Trace, Michael, and Ashley all
sit down together. They are surrounded
by the friends of Ben's and Blake's. It
feels so good to be surrounded by family and friends.
***
The service
itself is beautiful. The person giving
the sermon is fantastic. It's religious
without feeling like anyone is being put down for being a part of the LGBT+
rainbow. Blake was even mentioned as
being a part of the life that was Benjamin's beautiful life. You would be lying if you said you didn't
have a tear in their eyes during the funeral.
Ben's dad spoke of his son's achievements. His mother read portions of Ben's journal
that he had previously shared with her.
One of the journal entries came from the day that Blake and Ben first
met.
"Today, I
met this guy that is related to my friend, Ashley. His name is Blake, and he is super cute. He has dark brown eyes, which I love. We talked for a long time at lunch. I can't wait to see him again. I want to learn what makes him tick. I know it's too early to say this, but I
think he would make a great boyfriend if we can get to this point. Can't wait to see Blake again."
Blake loved
hearing his boyfriend's words. He
remembers that day. Ashley smiles as she
listens to her friend's words. She
remembers that day. Blake was highly
nervous, and Ben was worried as well.
She knew they would hit it off, and it was all Blake's doing. If it weren't for Blake's interest in Ben,
she wouldn't have put them together.
When the time came for the funeral to end, Blake couldn't contain
himself. He doesn't know if he could hold
in his emotions long enough to make it past the coffin. Ian is trying to watch his son as, row by
row, people got up and passed by the coffin.
As the rows empty and come closer to where Blake is sitting, Blake gets
exceptionally anxious. It's Blake
Trace's and Ian's turn to approach the coffin.
As they approach the casket, Blake starts to cry. Ian is walking out of the chapel with Blake,
who is sobbing out of control at this point.
They walk out of the funeral home and head to the car. It leaves Trace in the funeral home to say
goodbye to everyone.
"Blake, are
you okay?"
Ian asks as
they get situated in the car.
"I-I...couldn't,
Dad. I couldn't see him."
His dad
understands how Blake is feeling. Blake
didn't want to ruin his memories of his boyfriend by seeing Ben in the
coffin. Blake eventually quiets down,
and around that same time, Trace showed up at the car.
"Are we
going to graveside?"
Trace asks
as he looks into the backseat at Blake.
"Yes."
His son
answers him, but then he goes quiet again.
Knowing where he is going makes it easy for Trace to drive there.
***
Trace, Ian,
and Blake arrive at the cemetery along with everyone else from the funeral
home. Trace and Ian stand on either side
of Blake, while Blake's friends stand around them in spots where they can see
the grave. Ryan, Caden, and Jared make
sure that Riley is upfront to see without having to worry about someone
blocking his view. Collin, by the way,
is staying with Jay, Trace's ex-partner.
Michael wanted Jay to attend, but he was already asked to babysit
Collin. There was no mention of Blake's
and Ben's relationship at the graveside, but Ben's orientation was mentioned.
They are talking about heaven and Ben's entry into heaven. Blake doesn't know if he'll make it to heaven,
but he hopes Ben will. Rick could be
heard saying that he hopes he gets into heaven.
Everyone in attendance at this point is looking up into heaven for a
sign that Ben is there, except for Blake because he knows that Ben is
nearby. He can't see him or feel him,
but he knows that he is there. Why would
he want to be there? Maybe, he is there
watching over the crowd, or maybe it's to be with his friends and family. It wouldn't be so bad if he were there. Before Ben's family walks away, Ben's father
walks over to Trace and invites the family to the family dinner that their
church is putting on. Ian overhears the
invite, and then he looks at his watch.
In a half-hour, it will be time to meet Jay and Collin at the
house. He is worried that Trace may have
forgotten that they need to get home in 30 minutes. Before Ian can say a thing, Trace gives him a
look that usually means, would you please help me out.
"Thanks for
the invite, Mr. Hatcher, but we need to pick up Collin from the sitter."
Ian says to
Ben's father. Mr. Hatcher is a little
disappointed.
"Sorry that
you can't be there. We are going to head
out. We'll have to have you and the
family over for dinner at a later date."
Trace
reminds all of Blake's friends about the remembrance.
"Dad, can I
spend some time at the grave?"
Blake asks
Ian and Trace. Ian nods his head
affirmative.
***
The dads,
Michael, and Ashley, are watching as Blake stands near the grave. They can't hear what Blake is saying. Blake stands next to the grave and looks down
at the grave. His thoughts go straight
to Ben.
"Ben, if you
can hear me. I love you. Your services were amazing. The flowers were beautiful. I think you would have liked them. I-I-I don't know what else I want to say. I...I guess that I'll go home. I want to know what you've been trying to
tell me in my dreams. Please tell
me! I love you, Benjamin! I miss you!"
Ben heard
every word that Blake said to him.
Everything is good. Blake turns
and heads back towards his family. As he
does, a cardinal takes off from where it had been sitting while Blake spoke
with Benjamin. Blake doesn't see it,
though. Trace, Blake, and Ian get into
the car head for home. Michael and
Ashley follow behind them to help Trace and Ian. When they get home, Blake relaxes while
everyone else in the house gets busy.
***
It's the
next day. Ian Trace, Jay, Michael, and
Ashley are busy setting up for everyone coming to the house while Blake plays
basketball with his little brother.
Before the first guest arrives, Ian has Blake and Collin begin to get
ready for the guests arriving at the house.
Blake showers and then gets back into the suit that he wore to the
funeral. Ian fills the tub for Collin
and then hangs out in the office till Collin is ready to have his hair
washed. Once his hair is washed, Ian
walks out of the bathroom and lets his son dry off, only to come back with
clothes for his son to wear. Collin and
Blake are now ready for the guests to arrive.
Trace and Ian light up the fire in their firepit for an activity after
everyone eats. They set out pencils and
pieces of paper. The idea is that they
will write messages on the paper for Ben and then throw the paper into the
fire. Trace starts up their grill, and
Jay starts up his charcoal grill.
Together, they start cooking brats, hot dogs, Italian sausage, hamburgers,
and chicken breasts. Ian makes up a
quick punch while Michael and Ashley prepare a salad, a veggie, and a fruit
tray. Michael put the frosting on the
cupcakes that Ashley made last night. It
isn't long before the first guests arrived.
Everyone is greeted by Blake and hangs out with their friend outside in
the background. When the food is done,
everyone gets busy eating and enjoying each other's company. As everyone winds down their eating, Trace
and Ian get ready to start the next part of their day. It should be interesting. Ian steps up to speak.
"Okay,
everyone, can I have your attention?
When you arrived, you should have been given a pencil and paper. If not, there is paper and pencils up here by
me. Please come up and grab one. You are going to write a message to Ben and
then place it into the fire, and while you are at, think of a memory that you
would like to share about Ben."
Ian tells
the group. Blake thinks this all pretty
silly. He loved Ben, but he doesn't get
why they are making everyone do this senseless activity. Still, he's going to go for it all the same.
"Ben, I will
miss you forever. Do you miss me? I love you forever!"
Blake walks
over to the fire and places the paper into the fire. He watches as the flames consume his message. The fire blows embers up into the air. Blake watches as, one by one, everyone adds a
slip of paper to the fire. Ryan's
message that if Blake could have seen it, might have hit him pretty hard.
"Hey Ben,
Ryan here. Look, man, Blake has been hurting,
and he needs to know that you are still there.
Keep watching over him but let him love someone else!"
Ryan's
message was the third one to enter the flame's embrace. Trace wonders if seeing all his friends
putting their messages into the fire gives Blake feelings. Ian is having similar thoughts as well. To be honest, now that Blake has done the
whole message into the fire, he realizes it's not so weird.
"Okay, everyone,
we have one more activity that we want to do with all of you. Remember, we asked you to come up with a
memory of Ben to share with us. Well, now is the time to share those memories."
They hope
everyone will share their memories of Blake's deceased boyfriend. Ryan is the first to stand up.
"One of my
favorite memories of Ben was the day that we all met in Ms. Browning's
classroom when that Adam kid was bullying Riley. Ben didn't blink twice about it. He jumped in with us and never looked
back. He was ready to stand up for my
guy."
Blake
remembers that day, and Ben was happy to step up and to help out their
friend. Riley stands up next.
"Ben...was-was
in my gym class. He-he played bas-ketball with me. No-no one would play with me. He-he did."
Blake and
Ryan can't be sure of that memory, but it sounds like something that Ben would
do. Rick stands up next.
"My favorite
memory of Ben was a time when we were hanging out at Blake's house. Somehow, Blake convinced us to play one of his
board games. I said something, and Ben
just went with it., and everyone was cracking up. His joke lead us to
find an ad-lib online and spending a half-hour just printing them off and
filling them in, and I promise you it was a great night."
Blake
remembers that night and admits that it was a fun night. Juan stands up, and immediately he looks back
at Blake.
"My favorite
memory was at your house also at your Blake.
We were invited over soon after Rick's dad was arrested. Trace and Ian invited over to do those
individual pizzas on the English muffins, which by the way, were great. The
thing I remember the most about that night was Ben sharing his comedy routine
with us. It was an amazing night."
Blake didn't
share a memory; instead, he quietly thinks about all the memories that his
friends have shared. Ryan talks with
Riley for a second.
***
Ryan follows
Riley as the latter heads towards the couch because before they gather everyone
up, Ryan has to speak with Blake. He
needs to talk with him someplace private.
"Blake, can
we talk for a second?"
In his
hands, Ryan holds an envelope that Seth gave him, and inside of it, there is an
exceptional piece of writing. Seth made
it very clear that no one else but Blake should read the piece of enclosed
paper.
"Yeah, we
can talk. Let's go up to my room."
Once in the
room, Ryan hands the envelope over to Blake.
Blake opens the envelope and takes out the poem that is printed on card
stock paper. Blake glances at it and
then looks at Ryan.
"Thanks,
Ryan!"
Blake says
without reading it, and Ryan smiles but then looks at the piece of paper.
"Don't you
think that you should read it before thanking me?"
Blake lifts
the paper and starts to read it.
`Promise
me –
I know that I left you without saying goodbye just know that
I love you, and that I always will. Now
I didn't know that my time was up on this sphere but I need you to listen to
these words as you read them, because I need you to promise to keep what you
read in your heart until the day you find true love.
Promise me, you'll live your life without looking back on
what might have been. Be open to others
who cross your path because you'll never know who might touch heart. I want you to love again and I want you to be
loved back without thoughts of me and my approval.
Promise me, you'll keep the goals that you wanted to reach,
when we were walking together. Keep
reaching for your goals and then reach for the stars. Remember, these words, luck comes to those
who are ready to accept and to see opportunities when they knock at your
door. I know it won't be easy so keep
reaching for the heavens.
Blake, promise me that you'll find love. I know someone will touch your soul
someday. Honor them and let them
honor. Never settle for anyone or
anything. I'll repeat this thought, keep
your heart open because you never know when love will come again.'
Blake's eyes water a bit as he reads it. When Ryan sees the tears, he walks up to
Blake and hugs him. Ryan turns and
leaves the room. Blake wipes the
moisture from his eyes, and then he gets out his phone. He calls his friend Seth. His friend doesn't answer the phone, so Blake
leaves a message for him.
"Thanks, Seth, the poem felt like Ben spoke it. The parts that got me are when you talked
about my goals and then talked about...about me finding love again. Thank you, Seth! God bless you!"
Blake tells his friend with his heart much more open to
whatever may come his way.
"Thanks again, Seth!"
He ends the call and then takes the paper down to show his
dads what Seth wrote for him. He finds
them closing the front door as the last of their guests head out for the
night. Blake sits down on the couch, and
he rereads the poem. The tears return as
Blake reads it. When Ian and Trace
return to the living room, he invites them to sit beside him.
"Ryan gave me the poem.
It was written by my friend, Seth.
I think you all know him. Here
you can read it; bring it up to me when you are done."
Ian has a different idea, though. Blake reads it out loud for the first
time. It hits pretty hard for them. They don't tear up, but they know by looking
at their son just how much emotions are hitting him at the moment. Blake wipes the tears from his eyes. Blake finishes the poem and then heads up to
his room.
***
Blake goes
up to his room so he can go to sleep.
Blake's emotions have been in control for several days. It has him feeling pretty tired now that
everything is over, and he can relax.
Since his emotion has been so high, he's exhausted, and his body needs a
rest. He'll sleep for quite some
time. It's been a rough couple of weeks
for Blake, and I don't think anyone would argue that, and I hope people leave
him alone. Blake needs the rest. Hopefully, he gets a chance to rest without
nightmares.
***
No one in
the house disturbs him as he sleeps.
Trace and Ian keep Collin from intruding on his brother's sleep. His dads know that Blake needs his
sleep. They keep any friends from
bugging him. Blake went to bed around 5:00 pm, and he slept through till the
next day. When he wakes up, breakfast is
being made by Ian. Blake usually steps
in to help cook whatever meal is being made, but today Ian isn't letting that
happen.
***
Blake is up
and sitting in the dining room, where he is watching the meal being made.
"Dad, why
won't you let me help you with breakfast?"
Ian smiles
at his son.
"You aren't
helping me because you've had one hell of a week and a half, so relax. You've cooked enough for us."
Blake
relaxes and allows Ian to cook without interruption. It is breakfast filled with foods that Blake
loves. Each person gets an omelet with
one or two eggs, their choice of French toast, blueberry pancakes, bacon or
sausage, fresh fruit, toast with either grape jelly, apple butter, and apricot
jelly, and freshly squeezed orange juice.
Trace walks into the dining room and sits down at the table.
"Are you
good?"
Trace asks
his son.
"I'm good,
Dad."
Blake says
as Collin enters the room. Collin smiles
as he looks at his family.
"Good
morning!"
The little
guy tells his dads and his brother.
"Good
morning, little bro."
Blake tells his brother.
Collin smiles and then gets up in his chair
"Are you hungry?"
Trace asks his youngest.
"Yes, Daddy."
Ian needs his husband to help get the meal on the table.
"Trace, a little help would be greatly appreciated right
now."
Blake and Trace get up from their seats and help get the
table filled with food.
"Okay, help is coming."
In no time, the table is set, and it's time to eat."
Ian and Trace see to it that Collin's plate has food on it,
and then they wait for Blake to serve himself before serving themselves. Everyone has their fill, and Blake is ready
to head upstairs.
***
Blake begins working on his art project. It's a special project for him. One that started with that fateful picture of
Ashley's that started fueled Blake's crush on Ben, and it ends with the last photo
that Blake took of Ben just days before the accident. He adds one last picture to the mix and
carefully places it in the very last open spot on the page. A place he reserved for this last
picture. A picture of Ben taken while
out on a date. A date that marked the
last time that they would have a date together.
He wants always to remember him.
Blake walks downstairs with his project in hand. Ian is in the living room reading to Collin
when he sees Blake.
"What are you holding?"
Ian asks, looking at the paper that his son is holding. Blake turns it over and allows his dad and
little brother to see the pictures.
"Blake, this is beautiful!"
The picture of Ben taken by Ashley sits within a hand-drawn
rosebud, and all the images are sitting amongst scattered rose petals.
"Thanks, Dad! I am
going to put it up in my room. Can you
buy me a picture frame?"
Ian nods his head, and Blake walks back upstairs.
***
After putting the picture away, Blake feels the need to head
out to the backyard. He needs some
solace. It's quiet outdoors, and no one
else is outside. Sitting next to some
fragrant flowers, he looks up into the sky.
"Ben, are you up there?
I don't need a sign to know that you're here with me. I just need you to listen. I-I-I love you. Did you hear the poem that Seth wrote for
me? I hope that when I do meet someone
new that you'll be okay with it?"
Right after that, he heard a mourning dove start doing its
call. When he looks up at the tree in the
back of him, he sees the dove. It
appears to be looking right down at him.
Blake feels peace washing over him.
He doesn't know if this dove is heaven-sent or not, but he takes it as a
sign that Ben is close by him. Doves
were Ben's favorite bird. He thinks this
is huge, so he gets out his phone and calls Seth.
"Seth, I went outside, and I was talking to Ben. I know it sounds crazy, but I needed him to
hear me. While I was talking to him, a
mourning dove landed near me and started to call. I don't know if Ben was close by or not, but
I am taking it as a sign that he was there."
Blake texts his friend.
In minutes, his friend responds to him.
"It sounds like Ben was there, or at least he heard you and
responded to you. I say take it as a
sign like you said."
Blake smiles and then goes back to his room to continue
relaxing. He also wants to record his
thoughts in his journal. He grabs his
pen and begins to record his thoughts on what happened.
***
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