Date: Thu, 19 Apr 2012 07:49:50 -0400
From: Eric
Subject: Dreams - Nick

      Foreword:
	I am a 19 year old male who attends college. Just to give you a
full picture I will describe myself, although I am absolutely horrible at
descriptions of myself. I have black hair, am 5'9" and weigh 170 pounds. I
am not of an athletic build but I am not fat by any means. I wear mostly
brand-name clothes because that is what my friends do. I am a follower, not
a leader. I prefer the number 2 position, the advisor role, instead of the
leader role. I enjoy having power but do not have the confidence to command
it.
	As a word of caution, I am not a professional writer and I
definitely cannot portray the emotion of the people in this story as
accurately as I want to. Normal nifty.org standards apply. The usual of if
you are not allowed to read this, don't. All of that. Feel free to e-mail
me at oddlysane@gmail.com with any comments, questions, or
suggestions. Thanks for reading.

	I lay there thinking to myself as I drifted off to sleep. I thought
of all those that I had loved before. Those that had been lost to me. And
those that I hoped one day could like me the way I liked them. And as I
closed my eyes to these blissful thoughts I began to dream. About the
possibilities.
	Nick lives in my neighborhood, across the street in fact. I first
met him when I was in either seventh or eighth grade.  It had just snowed
and I was shoveling my sidewalk. I saw Nick and his sister playing a game
of catch in full winter suits. Even in that much clothing and during the
snowstorm I could see his striking features. I couldn't place it because it
was still snowing, but it was definitely one of the cutest boys I had ever
seen. I didn't even know his age, his name, or anything about him but as I
finished shoveling and passed by him I offered an awkwardly weak "Hey,
how's it going?" Apparently I had said it too quietly because he responded
"What was that?" I winced visibly and repeated the question and he said
"Oh, good."
	That was my first interaction with him and to this day I have made
little progress on my awkwardness. I have had several crushes throughout
the years but Nick has always been my recurring crush. I've learned a lot
about him over the years, since I do talk to him regularly. He's only two
years younger than me but due to heart surgeries when he was younger he is
four years below me in grades. I'm currently a college sophomore while Nick
is a high school sophomore. I come back from college on certain weekends
under the guise of studying, simply just to be able to see him. He used to
look extremely boyish but over the past two or three years has grown into
an extremely attractive and good looking man. Even with his physical
changes it amazes me every time to see that he still maintains a childish
attitude. Carefree but still able to be serious. An attitude that I yearn
to have and encourage all I know to maintain. All of this I am truly
attracted to. And yet I know, due to him having a girlfriend currently,
that my crush will not be reciprocated. And still I dream?

	I just came back from one of the weekends I spent at home. I chose
a college relatively close to my home so that I could return when I wanted
to. Recently I had been doing this more often because I had become better
friends with my current crush Nick, who lives across the street from me,
over the past summer. In any case, as I walked into my dorm I noticed that
the blue walls had faded and the bricks seemed more crumbled than usual. I
chalked up the bleakness of my surrounding to me being back at school and
my brain making everything seem more boring. When I got to my floor I
realized that the door to my room was gone.
 	I glanced around thinking that I was on the wrong floor but after
realizing I was on the correct floor I went over to my RA's (Resident
Advisor) door. She informed me that the entire floor had been divided into
two common rooms. We were all to sleep in one gigantic room with almost no
privacy. Being a closeted homosexual this posed a huge problem since I
would be sharing the room with close to 20 other people of various
genders. I couldn't understand what the Residence Hall Association was
attempting to accomplish through this act. Infuriated, I stormed into the
room.
	At first glance the room looked like a prison. The windows were
open, but barred. The twenty beds were piled in closed to one another. And
while there would be ample room to rearrange the beds, the beds were all
bolted to the ground. Faces I didn't recognize were moving around the room,
but I just assumed that they were from the other side of the hall and I
just didn't know them. There was one corner of the room with three
microwaves and a medium-sized refrigerator to go along with them. At least
they kept one of the staples of college constant. I saw all of my
belongings piled in a corner on top of a bed. At least I was next to a
window. There was one TV in the room, probably 42 inches in length.
Positioned in front of it were a large collection of ancient grey couches
that looked horribly uncomfortable to sit on. I walked over and sat on the
edge of one of the couches. I was right, they were horrendous. Not enough
cushion to be comfortable but just enough that one might hope they would
be. As zoned out watching the TV series Scrubs, hoping that Zach Braff's
(John Dorian) awkward-style comedy or John McGinley's (Perry Cox) crude
sarcasm would soothe my ass that was aching after four minutes of sitting
on that couch of evil.
	After an episode, I decided to go organize my belongings in my tiny
area of personal space. It seemed that the administration decided to take
it upon themselves to throw away what they considered unnecessary,
including my snacks, my roommates TV, and my iHome. After I had made my bed
to my liking sprawled out on my bed and took out my iPhone. I began to play
Tetris, one of my comfort games from when I was a child. After some time I
dozed off in what I presume was an attempt to dream of happier times.
	I was stirred by someone shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes
groggily to find Nick. Wearily I blinked a few times and wiped the
eye-crust out of my eyes. I looked around, thinking that I would find
hidden cameras and thinking that I had just been pushed out of the closet.
	"Hey Eric!" shouted the overly enthusiastic Nick. Still thinking it
was a joke, I slapped myself playfully across the face. When I didn't wake
up I began to smile; this was the first time in a long time that I had been
truly happy. It seemed he was my savior in a dark time.
	"How's it going Nick? Why the hell are you here?" I replied as
cheerfully as a college-student who just woke up could manage.
	"I thought I told you over the weekend. I'm in this program at your
college; if I do really well in it I can skip grades in high school! Isn't
that awesome?" Nick informed me. "I didn't know YOU would be living in my
dorm though. That sort of puts a damper on things for me," he said as he
grinned toothily.
	I scratched my head thoughtfully and grinned back at him. I hadn't
heard of such a program, but if it brought Nick to college with me I was
definitely all for it.
	While I was in deep thought, Nick started to tug on my arm, "Come
on, let's go watch TV!" I stretched and quickly got up to follow him to the
couches. I sat down first on the long couch and he sat down right next to
me. Thinking he just wanted to talk while watching TV, I didn't think
anything of it. We watched a double header "It's Always Sunny in
Philadelphia" for an hour and then Nick excused himself to the restroom. As
he got up, I did my friendly butt pat as I always do; it's a really good
excuse to touch him. I let it linger a second longer than I should have and
I know Nick felt that. His reaction, however, was unexpected. He sat back
down. On my hand. My hand was under his butt, his entire weight resting in
the palm of my hand. I was excited for a moment, and then my eyes lit up in
fear. Fear of Nick realizing that I left my hand under his butt for a
reason. Fear of those sitting on the couches nearby realizing that my hand
was under Nick's butt. But most of all the fear of being forced out of the
closet.
	Nick made my fear go away in an instant when he turned to me and
smiled knowingly. I went to go say something, but he simply shook his head
and then flexed his butt muscles in order to let me feel it. He got up
wordlessly and walked towards the bathroom. I sat there looking at the TV
without knowing what was going on. I was speechless. No, I was stunned. No,
I was petrified. Not with fear, but with surprise. With wonder. I didn't
know what was going on. It felt like a dream, but I sorely did not want it
to be. I wanted it to be real and goddamn it, it felt real.
 	As he walked into the room and headed to his bed, which just so
happened to be directly next to mine, I watched him. He seemed to be
waggling his butt, but not to everybody, directly at me. He did a small
jump and twisted in the air to land on his bed face up. I looked at the
childlike innocence and amazement in his face as he lay there looking at
the dark and cracked ceiling. When I looked up towards the ceiling I heard
a soft giggle and soft footsteps running towards me.
 	"Made ya look!" he exclaimed as he burst out laughing. I started to
die laughing at the juvenile prank that had just been pulled on me. He sat
down next to me again but this time closer to me. We were sitting with our
thighs touching. If only this happened a month earlier in September rather
than the chilly month of October then we would have been wearing shorts and
perhaps our skin could have been brushing. As it was, I felt cold chills
running down my spine, goosebumps forming on my skin, and my light hair
standing on edge. Nick sat to my left with his left hand over his head and
the right resting on his knee and slightly touching my connecting knee.
	A lump in my throat had formed and I couldn't even think coherent
sentences let alone speak them. This was the closest I had ever come to one
of my crushes reciprocating my feelings. I was still in awe. I knew I
needed to act fast or forever lose my chance. I lifted my left arm and put
it on the couch just above his shoulders. Without realizing it, this made
our hands extremely close. I lifted my index finger and placed it on his
hand. Nick bumped his shoulder into mine causing my arm to fall from the
couch onto his shoulder. I quickly took it off for fear of what people
would think and placed my hand on my knee. And then shock of electricity
coursed through my body. Nick had grabbed my hand. He was holding my hand.
	I stopped caring what anyone else thought. We sat there for what
seemed like hours but more than likely was mere minutes. Every now and
again I would glance at him especially when he was laughing. The laughs
that came out of Nick's mouth were so childlike it made me actually happy
to be alive rather than depressed at that same fact. As we sat there I
realized that the true goal of a relationship is not sex but true love. And
that is what I felt at that moment.
	Love is different to every person. To me as of now it is when you
can sit there in a moment of complete bliss, uncaring of what anyone thinks
of you. Be who you truly are. When you don't have to fear anything. And in
that moment, I feared nothing. I felt that there was nothing else in the
world besides myself and Nick. That moment was pure bliss.
      That moment was simply a dream.

I considered having sex, but I feel that this ending was a lot better.
Sorry for those who expected something to happen. Maybe next story I'll
consider that. Although, I've tried before and I am never satisfied with
any sex in my stories. We'll see. Until next time. --Eric